So I would like to start by thanking those of you who reviewed. It is greatly appreciated. I have allowed for anonymous reviews, so to those of you I could not reply to in message format,
Purpledove: Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far, and I will definitely continue it!
myperversities: Although I have nothing against M/M relationships, any pairings in this story will be M/F. Unfortunately email addresses don't show up in any kind of posts on this site. Nonetheless, thank you for your review.
"So the ray of light passes through the barrier from a less dense to a more dense medium, causing the ray to bend towards the normal, this can be calculated…."
My mind wanders and I no longer even hear what Dr. Thow is rambling on about anymore. I'm sitting in class for the first time in almost 3 weeks, barely awake with my chin in the palm of my hand and my elbow resting on the desk. I was honestly looking forward to returning to class, then I remembered how boring Dr. Thow's voice is. I can feel my eyes oscillating between open and closed. Consciously making an effort to stay awake, I stare down at my empty notebook, twirling my pen in my hand, accidently leaving a trail of ink on my neck. I breathe a small sigh and lean back into my chair, rubbing my neck with my fingers in attempt to erase the line.
Tieria is sitting on the bench beside me, madly typing notes on his laptop about the 'fascinating' subject of Snell's law. Even if I could type, there's no way I'd be taking notes right now. However, at the moment I still don't have a choice since my arm is still utterly useless hanging annoyingly against my stomach in the sling. At least it gives me an excuse to ask Tieria for his notes. I hate writing notes by hand anyway. My shoulder on the other hand is profusely aching, as is my neck from having to support the weight of my arm all day.
Tieria shoots me a scolding glance, I'm sure he knew all too well that I would use my injury as an excuse to not take my own notes. He knows me way too well. I swear he's making a mental note to lecture me later on the topic. Maybe he'll teach me how to type with one hand.
I honestly am not worried in the slightest. If we are indeed sent out in the next month or two, none of this will matter anymore. I can't really see Snell's law coming up when we're in battle. Our lives as students will be over. I wonder if my body will be sufficiently healed by then. I'm not required to wear the shoulder brace anymore, but the sling is still necessary and I haven't made much improvement. Even Kira is making better progress than me.
I find my hand on my collarbone, touching the lump which is the newest addition to my skeletal system; a metal plate that holds the break together. I'm off the medication now, so I'm in the home stretch and I also don't feel as light headed anymore, but it still hurts and it doesn't feel as though it's getting any better. I guess I have myself to blame…
"And this, class, is what explains the phenomena of mirages," Dr. Thow says.
This catches my attention, and I look up at the image projected onto the overhead screen. My eyes greeted by numbers and angles. Ew.
"In the extreme heat, air lower to the ground is cooler and therefore more dense. As you know, more dense media has a larger index of refraction, causing it to bend the rays of light towards the normal, making it appear that the image of something such as a tree is inverted. The onlooker believes they are seeing a reflection, and therefore a pool of water."
"See you guys later," I wave goodbye to Tieria and Nicol who are off to their mobile suit training class. They're at the stage now where all it is is practice, and there isn't much point in me going. As the door closes, I glance up at the clock. I can't go see Kira for another hour, and I've done so much nothing in the past 3 weeks. Part of me just wants to crawl into bed and go back to sleep. But I've done too much of that recently too.
Nearly defeated, I head for the common room. To my delight, I glance into the room to find Sienna, lying on the floor with her head propped up in her hands, her elbows rested on the ground. She's faced away from the door, and she hovers over her textbook with notebooks sprawled on the floor in front of her.
I step out of sight, take a deep breath, and casually walk into the room, making enough noise to be noticed.
"Hey there," I say bravely as she turns to look at me. I grab an icepack from the freezer and sit down on the floor beside her.
"Hey Athrun," she says in a dull tone.
"What's up?" I ask curiously.
"Just trying to catch up on my academics. I'm so far behind and everything is so different from high school."
"Yeah, they tend to weed out the useless stuff so it goes by a lot faster. What are you working on?" I ask, leaning over her shoulder to see what she's doing. "Can I help?"
She looks at me and then turns her textbook so I can read it. I can see her watching me out of the corner of my eye as I read. I suddenly feel self conscious.
"It's conservation of energy and momentum. I've never done physics before. Monica lent me her notes, but I still don't really understand it."
I suppose this is an invitation to help her. I quickly read over the question she's working on; I've done this so many times before, but I don't want to make it seem too easy. "Can I see your pencil?"
As she hands it to me, her hand lightly brushes against mine. I lean in, letting the ice pack fall off my shoulder and onto the floor, and begin jotting down equations and filling in numbers. I take her calculator and quickly come up with an answer.
"Ok, so you just have to take into account that energy in the system is conserved, but some is lost to friction. So any potential energy you had will either be lost to friction or converted to kinetic energy." I stop, but she still looks confused. She giggles nervously, and I smile at her. How can I make her understand?
"Ok, so if I hold the pencil up high, it only has potential energy. Since its not moving, there's no kinetic energy, right?" She nods her head and seems to understand. "When I drop it, it picks up speed due to the acceleration of gravity. As it falls, the potential energy is converted to kinetic energy. Just before it hits the ground, all of that potential energy is either converted to kinetic energy or lost to friction. Energy can't just disappear; that's Newton's first law: Energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transformed. Do you understand?" I ask hesitantly.
"Yeah, I think so. So this problem, I can solve for the potential energy by finding the kinetic energy and the energy lost by friction?" She asks.
"Yep, not so bad hey?" I grin at her. I feel my face contort a little as I massage my left shoulder. She's not dumb, she's just never been taught this before.
"Wow, thanks. So are you in one of the higher academic classes then?"
"Um, yeah. Same one as Monica," I blush modestly.
"Wow, so you're just good at everything then hey?" She giggles. "I know who to ask next time I'm stuck then."
"Yeah, anytime," I offer.
She leans forward to look at the next problem and I'm able to see slightly down her low cut shirt. Although she is very small, she isn't exactly short on anything in that department. I feel my face flush and force myself to look away.
It takes me a second to realize that my hand is on the back of my neck massaging it and my face is twisted with a twinge of agony.
"Are you ok?" She asks, noticing this just as I do.
"Yeah," I say, attempting to untwist my face, "just sore."
"Do you mind if I try something?" She asks, her eyes lighting up a little.
"Um, ok," I say questioningly. I couldn't say no, no matter what it is after seeing the bright look on her face. Her smile is beautiful. She grins at me before standing up and running out of the room. Where could she be going? I intently watch the door, awaiting her return.
She returns about a minute later with what look like a long blue bean bag in her hands. She grabs a pillow off the couch and sits down in front of me. She puts the pillow in my lap, gently lifting my arm comfortably on top of it.
"What are you –" I begin.
"It's something I learned in one of my nursing courses," she says.
She reaches around my neck and begins to untie the knot in my sling. I look closely at her face as she sets her eyes on the side of my neck. She has very clear, radiant skin; almost like you would see on the girls in one of those face product commercials. Her hair brushes lightly against my cheek, and I can smell her shampoo. Between that and her fingers on the back of my neck, I shiver and twitch slightly.
She giggles a bit, "sorry, does that tickle? Are you ok?" She asks, successful with the knot and dropping the sling to the ground.
"You don't have to do this. Really, I'm ok," I insist, although thoroughly enjoying it.
"Just relax, it'll feel nice," she says, moving in behind me. I have no doubt about that, as any kind of physical contact with her feels amazing.
She begins lightly massaging the back of my utterly tense neck and shoulders, being careful to avoid my collar bone. I sigh and allow my shoulders to relax a little.
"Feel nice?" She asks, bringing her face close to my ear.
"Mmm you have no idea."
Her touch makes my entire body tingle. I quickly become very grateful for the pillow in my lap.
After a few minutes, she stops massaging and places the bean bag around my neck, letting it hang over my shoulders. The heat and the lavender smell are extremely relaxing and rejuvenating. She pulls my hoodie around my shoulders, and then moves to sit next to me.
"Athrun," she begins, "thank you for being so nice to me. It's difficult being new."
"What? Of course. Why wouldn't I be nice?"
"Well, the other guys in the group, Yzak and his friends…"
"Don't worry about them, they picked on me too. When Tieria was new, they bothered him too; that was, until he beat Yzak in martial arts," I laugh.
"Tieria came late too? Was he behind in everything too?"
"Well, no. Actually, he was pretty much ahead in everything." I laugh casually, "the guy is pretty much a genius."
"Oh, I haven't really talked to him before. Good at everything hey? It must be nice," she says longingly.
"Actually, not firearms. He couldn't shoot at all."
"Neither can I," Sienna says, hanging her head.
"I could teach you? I don't know how much of a help I'll be like this," I gesture towards my shoulder, "but I can try?" I offer.
"Really?" Her eyes light up again.
"How about later this evening?" I ask boldly, without even thinking.
"That would be great!" She says excitedly.
I too am excited; excited at the prospect of getting to spend more time with her.
"You've got that look on your face again," Kira says to me as I enter the infirmary and sit beside his bed.
I smile boastfully.
"When do I get to meet her?" Kira demands.
"Hmm, perhaps after you SWEAR that you won't embarrass me?" I joke.
"Psh! No deal!" Kira laughs, "That' the best friend's job! To embarrass you in front of your girlfriend!"
"Guess you'll be waiting till you get out of here then," I laugh.
"Oh yeah, check it out!" Kira says, pointing to the bottom of his bed. I glance down to see him moving his feet under the sheets.
"Kira! That's great! Can you walk yet?" I ask eagerly.
"Not for another few weeks. Something about some bone that's like, broken or something," Kira laughs cluelessly.
"You're spine?" I ask, surprised, but laughing.
"Yeah! That's the one! Whatever, who would have thought you needed a spine to walk?" He laughs.
I laugh with him for what seems like hours. I feel like I'm on cloud 9. I'm happy.
It's not long before Tieria and Monica join us, and the four of us crowd around Kira's bed and engage in a not so quiet game of scrabble. Every chance Kira get, he throws out a swear word, some of which I'm not even convinced are real words.
Following the first game, I excuse myself from the room and head for the snack bar. As I approach the almost empty area, I catch a glimpse of an all too familiar head of blonde hair. Mu sits with his back to me, reading a newspaper and drinking what I assume to be a coffee.
"Hey, Commander," I say, walking past him to the counter. "Can I get a clubhouse on whole wheat please?" I mumble to the woman at the counter.
"Hey Kiddo," Mu says to me without looking up from his newspaper. Wow he knows my voice or my presence that well…
I pay for my sandwich and sit down across the table from him.
"Good to see you eating solid food again," he says, folding up his newspaper. "How's the shoulder?"
"Uhh, it's ok," I reply, taking a bite into the triple layered sandwich.
"Good to hear. Kira's healing extraordinarily quickly. To think that a week ago we weren't even sure if he would wake up. Thank God for genetic engineering hey?"
I'm not quite sure how to respond to that statement. It makes me think of Hylas. I remain silent for a moment.
"So it's almost been made official. The team of you, Kira, Tieria and Shinn," Mu says in a serious tone. "How are you feeling about it?"
I put my sandwich down and lower my head slightly. "I don't know," I say honestly, "I'm not sure that I'm ready."
Mu leans back in his chair, "no one ever is," he replies. "You're fortunate that you have some experience. Not to mention you'll be with your friends."
I swallow the lump in my throat that has nothing to do with my sandwich. "Even so, I feel like everyone else is more prepared than I am. They all seem a little more stable and sure of themselves."
"I can think of a few reasons," Mu says, leaning forward again. "First, people are good at hiding their true feelings. Second, you've been through quite a bit more than the others recently, which leads me to my third point. Because of all that you've experienced, you've been forced to mature ahead of schedule. That isn't necessarily a bad thing though. What the military does to people; its sick, really. They figure that if they recruit people at a young enough age, they can dehumanize them before they mature properly. It's difficult enough as it is, being a teenager. While you're trying to grow into an adult, they try to repress it and transform you into a merciless fighting machine. It's difficult to find balance. You either go out there as that killing machine, or you go out there as the opposite, you hesitate and you die. There is a fine line between the two, and very few soldiers ever find it. However, those that do, make the best soldiers, and they have the greatest chance of survival."
"What are you trying to say?" I ask him, staring him directly in the eye.
"Since the day I met you, I believed that you could find that balance, I think Kira has already found it. Tieria, I'm not sure about, and I think it's safe to say that Shinn is well on his way to becoming that mindless killing machine. Ultimately, where you end up is up to you.
I lay on my bed in the dark dorm with my right arm behind my head, staring up at the ceiling. It's been an overwhelming day. Following my conversation with Mu, I met up with Sienna at the firing range, but that was less than the light event I had hoped for. Not to say it turned out badly, I learned a lot about her, but it did nothing for my already tense mood.
The scene plays itself over in my mind…
"So if you hold it like this, keep his arm straight, and use this one as a guide," I say to her, moving around her and making small adjustments. "Also make sure you keep both eyes open. People have this idea that you're supposed to close one, but your focus is off without both.
"Ok, so like this?" she asks, holding the gun properly.
I stand beside her, putting my arm around hers and moving it slightly to the left. "Yep, give it a try."
She fires off a few rounds, and manages to hit near the center of the target each time.
"Nice! Now you just need practice."
"Athrun," she says, lowering her gun and pulling the earmuffs off her ears, "I'm sorry, I know you must get this all the time, but what's it like being the son of the chairman?"
I put the earmuffs down that I had been previously holding to my right ear and stare down at the counter. Finally I look up at her, "You really want to know about my family life?" I sigh.
"If you don't mind sharing," she says, clearly unaware of the darkness she's about to enter.
"Wanna go grab a drink from the snack bar?" I ask.
"Ok."
I buy two water bottles and place one in front of her.
"Thanks," she says. "So what's your father like? My Dad's always spoken highly of him."
"Is that why you're friends with me?" I ask, smiling slightly.
"What? No!"
"I'm joking. It's not what you would think. He's always busy so I never saw much of him when I was growing up. When I did, and even now, he's just distant.
"Oh," she says, finally realizing it's not really a positive situation, "well you must have a really nice house!" She's trying to lighten the mood now.
"It was, but after my mother died and I started here, my father sold it. I only see him now for business purposes."
"Were you and your mother close? I had no idea, I'm sorry."
"It's fine. But yeah, we were close. No offence, but your dad had to be either a bit of a prick or totally oblivious to think highly of my father," I sigh.
Sienna drops her head, "oblivious, I don't know, but a bit of a prick is an understatement."Her mood shifts completely, and I feel as though I'm about to enter her world of darkness.
"Why do you say that? I ask. She's grown very quiet and far more timid than usual. She lets her hair fall over her face as though she's going to cry.
"Sienna?"
She throws her head back and fans her teary eyes with her hand. "I'm sorry," she says.
"Are you ok? We don't have to talk about this right now."
"No, it's ok. I just don't tell many people this so it's hard. The story I told you before about my dad wasn't completely true. He was a pilot and he was injured in his prime. After that he started drinking, and well, he never really stopped. He didn't start getting violent until I was 10 or 11. That was part of why I came here, I needed to get away.
"But didn't your mother try to stop him?" I ask, appalled.
"No, she could never stand up to him."
"But… he hurt you?" I ask, afraid to hear the answer.
Sienna pulls back her hair, and I'm able to see a long scar at the back of her neck, running beneath her shirt. "I was 13," she says. She looks again like she might cry.
I have no clue what to say. Instead I take her hand in mine, standing up, and I pull her into a hug. It feels inadequate with only one arm, my left still completely useless, but she hugs back and sobs into my shoulder.
"It's ok, you're safe now," I say, but she only cries harder.
I don't know where it comes from, but it's as though I don't have control over what I'm saying anymore. "I won't let him hurt you ever again, I promise."
I return to reality once more, staring at the ceiling. It all makes sense now, why she's so timid. She was abused. How did I not see it before? Something had to happen to make you like that. I saw it in Tieria too when I first met him.
I promised to protect her from him, and I have no idea how I'm going to go about doing that, but I have to do my best. I wouldn't wish that fate upon anyone.
Who am I kidding; I'm leaving in a few weeks. There's a chance I'll never see her again. I've become so attached to her in the last couple of weeks that I'd completely forgotten that I'll be leaving. I feel terrible. And I haven't even told her.
My thoughts are interrupted as Tieria enters the room and turns on the lights. I lift my arm to shield my eyes.
"Athrun? Why are you laying in the dark? Did it not go well with Sienna?" He walks over to my bed.
"No, its not that, its just…"
"What is it?" He asks.
"I sit up and look down at him, "Tieria, she was abused."
He doesn't reply. He obviously had seen what I did not.
"You knew?" I ask him.
"It may have crossed my mind…" he says, "but she's not the only one I considered to that matter. Athrun, were you ever abused?"
I wrack my brain quietly. I think back to the day in the conference room, and then back to the night under the ministry.
"Aside from him shooting me, he hit me once. But other than that, no. Not physically anyway. It was more neglect than anything," I confess. Tieria's smarter than I give him credit for. For someone who hasn't had a whole lot of human contact, he can read people well.
"Hmm, I see. It doesn't seem like there are too many people here who lead a normal life, hey?" He smiles.
"I guess. If I had a normal life, I can't say I'd really want to be here," I say lightly.
"The doctor wants to see you before you go to bed by the way," he says, changing the subject before it gets too dark. "He didn't say why, but you should go down there."
"Yeah, right," I mumble.
Tieria is about to leave the room again when he turns back, "Hey Athrun, quit brooding so much. It's bad for your emotional well being," he laughs.
"Hey! You're one to talk!" I laugh, carefully climbing down off my bed.
A/N: So I must have been in a physics class when I originally wrote this, and since I no longer remember much physics, I'm going to have to hope I had the right idea, and none of these facts are wrong. I took that physics class almost two years ago...
That being said, I hate to admit that this is the last chapter I had typed up previously. They were in a notebook at first, then they were typed and heavily edited with some stuff added. I have started writing the final chapter(s), but they aren't complete yet. Hopefully I will get them done in a timely manner. Give me some motivation via reviews perhaps?
As far as I know, I will be writing a sequel, but it could take some time, as I've been working on another Gundam Seed story (called A World of Darkness). I will likely be posting some polls on my page in the near future, so keep your eye out for that!
Please let me know what you thought of this chapter! Reviews are HUGELY appreciated.
I would also like to take this opportunity to thank Meyrin-x-ZAFTgirl for officially being my most loyal fan and biggest supporter! All you readers who don't review, you owe it to this lovely young lady for all my speedy updates (even if they weren't so speedy sometimes). She faithfully reviewed each chapter and motivated me to keep on going. So a huge thank you to you Meyrin-x-ZAFTgirl! (hopefully you don't change your user name between now and the time people actually read this).
Also, if you find yourself bored and in the world of fanfiction, please check out my latest story called A World of Darkness. It is also an angsty Athrun story.
Thanks for reading!