Next up…

Well, it wouldn't take a child genius to work out who comes JUST after Near.

DISCLAIMER: Death Note doesn't belong to me.

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:BONUS 4a:

MIHAEL KEEHL REVIEW

A.I – Alternate Incarceration

(Chapters 18-21)

Even though I'm sending this at exactly the same time that Near is, and we're both on high-speed broadband connections, I bet this review is going to arrive in your inbox just after his.

Bastard.

Anyway, I'm Mello. I'm not going to tell you any more than that, because you don't need to know. All I have to say is that I'm writing a review of your story (A.I., I mean), and you'd better post it.

Not to put too fine a point on the matter, it sucks. Sure, it isn't the worst fanfic I've ever had the misfortune of reading, but that doesn't mean it'd rank in my top 10.

It wouldn't even rank in my top 50.

Look, I know you're putting in some effort with this, and I know you've got a pretty decent grasp of grammar, but nobody cares. Nobody in the whole world wants to read a story about two Kiras being chained together and having a ker-razy adventure. If you haven't noticed, everybody's favourite character is L, and even though you've written him in, the fact of the matter is still that you're talking about Light and Misa going on dates all the time.

Who cares? I don't. Matt wouldn't if he could be bothered to read it. Nobody does.

Next time, couldn't you write about something better? Something that wasn't a stupid rom-com AU? You could write about the bio-terror case, or maybe even the Winchester Mad Bombings (though actually I've read a GOOD fic about the latter, so perhaps not that one). Really, you could write about anything and probably come up with something better than this.

Okay. I admit that the story isn't terrible, and that really you're making a good job of a bad idea (I mean, it only took you EIGHTEEN chapters to include anything vaguely interesting, but never mind). It's just an inescapable fact that this is shit.

…

But, then again, it's not one of those 'Ask L/Near/Matt/B/MELLO' things. At least I won't have to hunt you down and kill you.

P.S. I hate the fact that the mystery character is me. Change it, now.

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Author's Note: Oh, thanks Mello. I'll answer some of your… questions, now:

1) Who cares? Well, on last count A.I. had 9 favourites and 11 alerts, so that can't exactly count as no one, can it? I am sorry that you and (potentially) Matt don't like it.

2) I actually have a good idea for my next multi-chapter fic. It's quite good, in my opinion, though I guess that wouldn't mean all that much to you, would it, Mr. Keehl?

3) Why do you assume you're the mysterious figure? Is it just because of the 'M' section thing, the fact that L knows you, and the mention of weaponry? I'm not saying you're wrong, of course… I'm just saying you might not be right.

For reference, there really is a Winchester Mad Bombings story out there. As endorsed by FFYP-det-Lawliet (I unfortunately haven't had a chance to read it yet), it's a fic written by A.Pseudonym. If YOU have the time to find it and read it, please do so.

I hope Mello is as violently uncompromising as I intended him to be. This, much like Near's review, was pretty easy to write… but then again, it's not how easy it is, but how good it is that matters.

Anyway… Stay tuned.