note: Thank you guys for all the reviews on the last chapter, you're seriously so incredibly sweet!
Like most of you, last chapter was a great Frary moment for me but you know what they say 'the storm always comes after the calm". For those of you who have been wondering, yes this is a Frary story and there are at least 5 more chapters left ;)
This might be one of the most intense scenes I've written so far and I hope you'll like it!
(disclaimer: I own nothing)
26.
„I love you." suddenly his heart was whole again and all the hurt and heartbreak forgotten in an instant.
This time, the tears clouding his eyes were not out of sadness but joy. Nothing had ever sounded sweeter to his ears than the three magical words she had finally said out loud. Of course she had said them before, many time back when the sun had still been brighter in the sky and they had shared the same bed most nights. But this meant so much more. It was the irrefutable proof he had chased after for so long, the confession that had finally set his heart free.
And just when he had thought it was impossible for their love to grow any stronger, it had. His chest was practically bursting with it as the warmth filled his whole body. And the smile, now playing so blatantly on his lips, had never been so true.
The impact wasn't lost on her either. Another sob escaped her pouted lips, but her beaming eyes were compensation enough. And he could feel it as well, how her body was suddenly relieved of all tension and she melted into him, nestling her sweet head into his chest. Her scent was intoxicating, as he inhaled it, with his nose so closely pressed to her hair.
Being back in this room, with her in his arms, felt like home to him and he had been absent for far too long. As they stood there, she had balanced most of her weight on him and when he truly feared she might fall over, he moved his one hand lower, swooping her up into his arms. She felt lighter and her bones were more prominent through her thin skin then they had used to be. It made him feel a small pang of sadness, knowing how physically weak she still was. He made sure he had her securely propped against his chest before moving to the large couch next to the fire. All the while neither uttered a word, not daring to destroy the bliss the current moment entailed.
He carefully put her down and she sank against the backrest, gifting him a weak smile. Her hand was still in his and he took the place next to her, almost terrified of loosing her once more.
Her smile was all he could focus on and he already dreaded the question he would have to ask her. But there was no way around this. He had come too far and this had been his goal all along. He needed to know, needed to hear what she had kept from him for all this time.
„Mary," he swallowed as he could already feel the tight feeling in his chest return „I need to know." he gave her hand another squeeze.
She averted her eyes for a moment, gazing out the window, and when they returned to him, the tears running down her cheeks when she blinked, hurt more than he had expected.
„Please don't, Francis. I don't want to ruin this." she barely got the words out as the tears clogged her voice.
She lightly shook her head and the fear was now blatant in her eyes. He could feel his stomach drop. Everything had seemed so perfect just a minute ago. He didn't want to go back to this, he couldn't. Seeing the silent hurt behind her big round eyes and knowing that there was so much unsaid between them, he couldn't let it happen again. There were so many lies and coveted looks separating them and he wasn't having it any longer. It all needed to stop. No matter how hard, the only way to escape this silent hell was the truth. Both of them needed to come to terms with that.
Deep inside his heart he was sure that she must know how he was feeling. She had probably realized, the damage her lies had caused, long ago. And whatever the reason for her to still stay silent, he wouldn't like hearing it. But he had to, it was the only way.
He could feel the fear that he had glimpsed in her eyes, now trickling in as well. His heart was accelerating in his chest, the anticipation building with every passing beat. This wasn't any easier for him, but sometimes one had to be brave and brace the facing storm to reach the save land.
He took another shaky breath before he broke the heavy silence.
„Just say it. You must know that there is no way around it. At some point I will find out, and I'd rather it be you, who told me. Please, Mary, all the lies, they are killing us both." he was begging now, but he didn't care.
He could see her gnaw her lip as she pondered his pleas.
„If I tell you, will you … will you go?" she sounded terrified with the thought of it.
He weight his options. Truly, he wanted to stay here with her, never leave her sight again. But he knew that that was another life. She wasn't his wife and staying wouldn't make that fact any less true. Slowly, he nodded his head. He had come this far and she was obviously ready to tell him something. He better not waste this chance.
„Yes, if you tell me the truth, I will go." the sickening feeling filled his stomach again at the thought of letting her go.
„You need to listen, Francis. What I'll tell you, you won't like it. You will probably not understand and accept it in some way. I need you too keep an open mind and listen to the very end. This is my condition." she looked up to him, a sudden spark of strength back in her eyes.
With every word, his stomach seemed to drop even further. What could be so terrible? He couldn't understand the panic in her eyes or why she wouldn't trust his fair judgement. But questioning it now was no use. He needed to get it over with. So for the second time, he nodded his head in a promise to hear her out.
She took another deep breath, clutching onto his hand even tighter before she finally continued.
„Before I tell you anything. Please know that this was all because I loved you so greatly, I still do." her smile at him was filled with pain „ You are the one person I couldn't bare living without … and …" a small sob and bit her lip again „ and that is why we can never … never live our lives together."
„But that makes …" the confusion was blatant on his face.
„No, I need to finish, please. You remember your mother's distain of our union, yes?" he nodded in response.
„Well, I used to despise her for keeping us apart, but she truly only meant the best by it. Nostradamus had a vision Francis, a vision of your … your death." the last word was barely audible and her eyes swam in tears.
His death, but what was that supposed to mean? He was completely dumbfounded by what she had just told him. How was he supposed to react to this? Thankfully he didn't have to in this moment, as she continued on.
„He predicted that our union, I, would be the cause of your death. I would be left alone and childless, carrying the blame and Francis .. you … you would be gone." her mouth fell open as in a silent scream but no sound escaped and she pressed her hands to cover her mouth.
He was baffled. Of all the things he had expected to hear, of all the things he had mentally prepared himself for, this certainly hadn't been one of them. This was ludicrous, a vision, a silly pitiful excuse.
„But Mary, he is a charlatan. The visions, they aren't real. Why would you …" he couldn't continue.
His mind was virtually spinning, the shock freezing his entire system. This couldn't be it, could it? What she had been hiding from him for all this time? He stood and stumbled back a step, trying desperately not to fall over in the process.
„He predicted Aylee's death. He said she would never return home and that one of my ladies would die." the tears had already spilled onto her cheeks, forming a steady stream across her reddened skin.
„I don't believe it." he shook his head vehemently, letting go of her hand.
She looked at him with such despair and fear in her eyes, begging for him to understand. But he couldn't take it any longer, he looked away and got up from the couch, nervously pacing before the windows.
„No, Mary. I refuse to believe you destroyed everything for a stupid prophecy!" he practically spat the words out.
He was wringing his hands and she flinched at his harsh tone. The anger was flaring in his body, taking hold of his mind.
„I couldn't risk you life. Can't you see, Francis? I would rather die than live without you. I couldn't be the one responsible, it would feel as if I was the one killing you." she was protectively clutching one of the decorative pillows in her lap.
She sounded nothing liker her normal self, her voice too high and filled with panic. And there the fear was again. He had never seen her so small before him than in this moment but there was not an ounce of pity left in his bones. In that moment he didn't see the person he loved, but the person that had taken his love away.
„You had no right!" he was practically screaming now but he didn't care, he had to release his pent up anger somehow.
She only managed to sob in response.
„How could you do this, keep this from me? You should have told me, asked me!" his hands were shaking as he worked them through his hair in manic motions.
The air suddenly seemed to be pressing down on them, the smell of destruction filling the room.
„Don't you see? It would have killed you!" now her voice was growing louder as well and she too rose from her place on the couch.
„I don't care, have you thought of that?" he could sense bits of spit flying from his mouth.
„But I do!" her lips were forming a thin line, her eyes glimmering at him.
„It is my life. You don't get to decide if my life is worth it. It was my choice and you took that choice away from me." his jaw clenched and for some inexplicable reason the tears were in the corners of his eyes once more.
„You would have made the wrong choice!" he still couldn't bare to look at her.
„And you think, this was the right choice? God, look at us Mary. We are both miserable. This is where your choice has gotten us!" the first tear was bearing hot on his cheek and he could feel the veins on his forehead bulging against his skin.
She flinched once more, and took one step back, like a frightened animal in retreat before its attacker.
„I am sorry" she muffled another sob with her hand.
„You took everything from us, and for what, superstition?" her pitiful face only fueled his rage further.
„I am so sorry, Francis." this time it was barely a whisper.
He didn't know what to do. The whole situation felt so surreal. What had she done? They could have been happy, if it hadn't been for this damned seer. What would compel the man to tell Mary such things? Had it been his mother's doing all along?
„There is nothing we can do now, what is done, is done. You can't image how sorry I am, Francis. But we can't change anything now." this time her voice truly was filled with regret.
„So, this is it. You expect me to just leave … after what you just told me?" she couldn't seriously expect him to go now.
„If you stay, you'll only make things worse. Please, Francis, you promised" her eyes were begging him to.
„No, no … this is madness. I won't go, you can't make me. We have wasted enough time, I won't let you go again." he took two measured steps towards her.
„But it isn't your choice. I am married, I am not yours to take anymore." there was defiance in the way her arms rose to her hips.
Something seemed to have sparked a fire behind her eyes, for now she was outright glaring at him. Her small fists were balled, ready to attack.
„I don't care. They can all go hell for as much as I am concerned. Bash, my Mother, your chi …" he stopped himself but it was already to late.
For a second he seriously thought she might jump him at the mention of her chid. The daggers in her eyes where sharper than ever before and he could practically feel the anger radiating of her slim frame. He hadn't meant for it to sound so condescending, in truth the child probably played the most innocent role in all of this. But still the fact remained that the baby was a constant reminder.
„No, Francis, there're things even you can't change. I love you, I truly do, with all of my heart. But maybe that simply isn't enough anymore. I can't afford to loose my marriage or be suspected of infidelity. I am not just Mary, the girl you fell in love with last summer. I am the Queen of Scotland, a whole country of people depends on me." she grew taller before him and for the first time since his arrival he truly glimpsed the Queen in her.
„I am sorry to say so, but where was Scotland when you chose to marry a bastard?" now he had intended for it to sound condescending.
„A legitimized bastard, by the Vatican." she protectively crossed her arms before her chest.
„But a bastard nonetheless. Don't you see, Mary. He's barely holding onto the crown with his small finger, a mere pupped hanging still by a single thin thread. If he falls, you and Scotland will fall with him. But no, don't tell me now that this is all because you're a monarch, a Queen, who let's others rule in her stead."
„You wouldn't dare!" it was a low growl in her throat and the look she gave him, could kill.
„Well, someone needs to tell you." he was in too deep now, all he could see and feel were anger and hot rage.
„Is this a threat? Are you threatening your Queen, overthrowing my lawfully wedded husband, your King and brother?" she was screaming at him again, her own anger dark in her eyes.
„If it will help you come to your senses." the smirk on his lips was cruel, but he didn't care any longer.
This was all her fault, not his, She was the one that had maneuvered them into this mess. She deserved to hear the truth from someone.
He would probably regret most of his carelessly chosen words in the morning, but right now all he wanted, was to make his anger heard. The frustration was too big too simply swallow down. They could have had everything but she had torn it all down carelessly.
She hadn't trusted him. Maybe that was what had hurt him most. She had made the, probably most important, decision of their lives without even thinking of telling him. She had played god and had taken it upon herself to choose over his life and supposed death.
He had promised he would forgive her anything, never in his wildest dreams imagining this. Maybe he could forgive her with time, but certainly not now.
„I want you to leave." her eyes pointed to the door, behind which the guards and servants were surely trying to listen too their more than heated dispute. By tomorrow the whole court would be talking about what had conspired in this room. The roomers would fly faster than any words of truth.
Deep down, knowing that him staying here wouldn't do either of them any good, he obeyed.
„If your Majesty wishes." he bowed deeper than necessary and his words where dripping with mock.
He was oblivious to the tears still glistening on his cheeks when he rushed out of his own rooms.
Thank you so much for reading this chapter. Please don't forget to comment, favorite and follow.
And as I've said, there will be more Frary in future of this story :)