My lungs ached with lack of air as I crouched low on the rooftop. Peering through the sights of my gun, I watched as Adeline narrowly snuck out of sight and hid behind the planter as a group of three armed men strolled by. Our invaders consisted of every different type of people: different races, different genders, even young teenage kids hollered fiercely in the midst of them all. As they clamored into our territory, I focused on the man who stood in the middle of it. He held himself confidently like he was sure they would be able to take over the prison.

"Good luck with that," I whispered to myself, my lips still tingling with the excitement of Daryl's mouth against mine. Even though it had only been for half a second, my heart stilled raced when I thought back to it. Then again, that could've been the fear that was surging through my body, which trembled at every single sound of gunfire.

I put my gun in my lap as I turned and leaned against the brick wall. Although I was high above everyone else, I felt like I was the most vulnerable. How did we know that they didn't have a helicopter that could land on me and squish me? It seemed like such a silly thing to worry about, especially when everyone else could've been in trouble below me, but it was still difficult to cast from my mind.

The gunfire eventually came to a quiet as they began to realize that we were nowhere to be seen. I almost wanted to laugh to myself, but it would surely give away my spot. Rick had ordered me to stay in my location until the signal, but when was that going to happen? Time felt as if it was slinking by as slow as it possibly could. Any second now, Adeline would pull the alarm and we would be allowed to push these people away from us with the help of the walkers that we had lured and trapped in the lower parts of the prison.

Suddenly, as if some unknown force was granting my wishes, the blaring convict escape alarm sounded, causing a jolt of surprise to flash through me. I yelped and rolled onto my stomach, aiming downward at the scattering people. Gunfire rained down on them, just barely missing their feet and arms. Harder said than done, though, I realized as my own bullets flew from my gun. I found myself wanting to lift my sights to their heads when I thought back to Maggie and Glenn. Then, I pictured Daryl and Merle being forced to fight each other back in Woodbury, surrounded by a circle of walkers.

A man dropped to the concrete, his head nothing but a mess of scattered brain tissue and what was left of his skull. My fingers immediately went numb as I lowered my gun, watching in absolute horror as another woman shrieked in despair and fell to her knees next to him. She curled over his battered body, refusing to let go of his clothing when others tried to pry her away to escape.

"Oh, fuck," I whispered, scooting far away from my gun. I had killed him. I killed that man. I wasn't supposed to. Don't kill, just scare. Those were my orders, and I killed him.

When the roar of the engines faded away, I couldn't bring myself to move. I felt so sick to my stomach that I thought I would puke at any moment. For all I knew, that man could've been innocent – never murdered anyone his entire life. That word forced stomach bile into my mouth and onto the rooftop.

Murder. That's what I had done. I murdered someone. A father, a husband, a brother, a son, who knows? He was obviously important to someone, and I had taken him away from what someone forever. I was a murderer.

"Harper!" Maggie's excited voice hollered. "Come down! We did it!"

She snapped me back to reality and before they had the chance to wonder if I was alive or not, I gave a weak wave over the side of the roof, grabbed my gun, and headed toward the courtyard. A distant ringing pierced my head as I jogged down the rusty flights of stairs and made my way through the empty cell block.

Our group joined each other in a mess of smiles and high fives, but as I passed the man I had gunned down, I froze in place. Carol noticed me before anyone else and didn't hesitate to hurry to my side. She linked an arm around mine and whispered quickly, "It was you, wasn't it?" When I nodded, she pursed her lips together. "Don't think about it now; we have bigger things to worry about."

"What?" I breathed, wondering what could've possibly gone wrong. Then, it hit me: Adeline was missing. "Where's my sister?" I demanded to know as we approached the muttering group. I could feel Daryl's eyes lock on me, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"We were just discussing that," Rick replied as Michonne handed him a piece of blue cloth. He held it toward me and as I took it in my hand, he asked if it was Adeline's. It was hard to tell; blood splattered what looked like a part of a shirt, but when I lifted it to my nose and took in a hint of vanilla, I knew it was hers. Even without showering for months, she was still somehow able to smell like her favorite lotion.

"Is she dead?" Maggie asked gently, trying not to hurt my feelings. I couldn't tear my gaze from the shirt long enough to give her an answer.

"We need to go after them," Michonne suggested, fury still burning bright in her eyes. "They could've taken her."

"We would've seen it," Glenn said, pointing back to where he and Maggie had been stationed. "She would've put up a fight, don't you think? We would've noticed a struggle."

The urge to puke again was slowly rising. Part of me knew for a fact that she wasn't dead, or maybe I just didn't want to accept that. I wanted to believe that she had been taken by the Governor before she was torn apart by walkers. My head swirled with so much fear and worry that I forced my eyes closed, feeling like I was drunk and the world was spinning around me.

"I agree with Michonne," Carol mumbled. "We need to go after them. If they did take Adeline, we can get her out of there before anything happens."

"Harper," Rick said, all eyes falling on me, "she's your sister. What do you want to do?"

My mouth opened before I could figure out what exactly we should do. "I…" Words completely escaped me. Slowly, I met each of their pressuring stares. "I don't…Can we go inside for a moment? I need to sit down."

Rick inhaled to argue, but Carol took my hand with one arm and relieved me of my gun with the other. "Of course, sweetie," she cooed. "We don't have to make a choice now."

o-o-o

I sat at one of the tables, my face buried in my hands. For some reason, as much as I wanted to, I couldn't cry. It was as if my body was empty and I had forgotten how to react to anything. Even when the group rejoined in the common area and began to talk about our next course of action, I couldn't bring myself to contribute.

"We were able to drive away the people of Woodbury," Rick informed Beth, Hershel, and Carl, who had taken shelter with the vehicles, "but we aren't sure if we've suffered any losses. Adeline is missing and we were only able to find her shirt."

A hand was placed on my back and when I lifted my head to see who it was, Beth gave me a sympathetic look. "We'll find her," she whispered. "I know she isn't dead."

Beth had an effect on people that, deep down, they believed whatever she said. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why. Maybe it was the innocent gleam in her eyes or maybe it was that fact that she really did believe herself. Whatever it was, just her saying those eight words brought a sense of relief.

"So," Daryl said as he turned from Rick to face me, "what are we doing, Harper?"

I ran my hands over my face once more, pushing my hair back with my fingers. It felt disgustingly grimy. "I want to make sure my sister isn't dead, so we need to go back to Woodbury."