Note: You guys! I'm putting up a chapter again already! No waiting months for this!
Thanks a ton, as usual to my beta Sally. She made some excellent suggestions that helped with some of the more emotional conversations in this chapter and gave me some things to think about as a reader that I overlooked as the writer. So yeah, thanks, Sal.
Once again, this chapter got really long, so I cut it off and as a result, the next chapter is half written. However, you also lost to the cut what the outcome of Jake's accident is. So you'll have to wait a bit for that. Sorry.
I hope you enjoy it. I've been waiting a long time to tell Lexa's story (in all honesty, I didn't think it would take this long..). Some sexy Ranya time for the last 1/3 of the story, just and FYI in case that's not your thing.
She suddenly felt the need to share her story with the incredible blonde in front of her, because she felt it was right, but also so Clarke might understand, well, everything. So she stated quietly, "I feel like I can support you through this because I have been through it myself."
Lexa glanced at Clarke and caught her initial surprise, but then saw nothing but understanding and compassion in her eyes, so she continued.
"Two years ago, I lost both my parents and my girlfriend Cos…Costia," she forced out tightly, "they were on their way to one of my hockey games when a drunk driver hit them head-on."
She felt more than heard Clarke's quick intake of breath, and she felt the other girl squeeze her arm slightly, but otherwise, she remained silent.
Lexa took a deep breath and continued in a tight, quiet voice, full of pain. "I was so focused on the game that I didn't even notice that they hadn't made it to the rink. It wasn't until after the match was over and I was looking for them in the stands that I realized they weren't there. I didn't think anything of it at the time, and I figured that they had gone to the lobby to wait."
Lexa glanced at Clarke again from under her lashes before continuing. "We were in the middle of our post-game talk when an arena official came in and spoke quietly to my coach. I saw his eyes move to lock on mine, and I saw his face, the sympathy and the pity that crossed it, and I knew. I knew right then that my life had just changed forever."
Lexa couldn't stop the single tear that tracked down her face, but she kept her head lowered and didn't look up at Clarke, so she didn't think the other woman saw it.
"A pair of police officers were waiting in the lobby, and they took me to the hospital; I still don't know how they found me. When I arrived at the hospital, another set of officers approached and told me about the accident and then led me to the emergency room where I was informed by a very young doctor that 'unfortunately due to the force of the accident, my parents died on impact.' He was very sorry for my loss," Lexa added bitterly.
"When I asked about Costia, he told me he couldn't divulge any information as she was not a family member. They had called her parents, and they would inform them of her status when they arrived. I didn't know if she was alive or dead, I didn't know anything! I yelled at him and told him she was my girlfriend. I was so angry and felt so helpless. All he said was that he was sorry, and I had to wait for the arrival of her parents." Lexa's voice broke slightly at the end, but she recovered quickly and continued.
"Costia's parents arrived soon after, but it felt like years. They saw me and ran to hug me asking a million questions, for most, I had no answers. I told them about the accident and my parents. I had absorbed that loss and accepted their condolences. I was in a state of shock, I think, the fact that Costia may still be alive the only thing keeping me going. Then they asked about Costia, and I had to inform them that I didn't know because the hospital staff refused to tell me anything. It was right about that time that the doctor who had spoken to me came back, and Costia's parents immediately asked about their daughter. The doctor looked at me and then back to them as if to ask if it was ok for me to be there. Costia's mom just about lost her mind, telling him that I had every right to know what is going on. So he took a deep breath and said that Costia had made it to the hospital alive and had gone in for immediate surgery."
Lexa hastily wiped at her cheeks and took a deep breath and got her voice under control before she continued.
"For a brief, so brief, a moment I thought she would be okay. Costia was alive. She was in surgery. She would be okay. Then the doctor opened his mouth again, and that hope was ripped away from me with three short words, 'I'm so sorry.' I didn't hear the rest of what he said, and I never asked. I stumbled backward until my knees hit a chair and I collapsed on it. I heard Costia's mom wailing, and I saw her clinging to her husband. I remember saying nothing; I was numb. I had lost everything, everyone I cared about in one foul swoop."
Lexa turned finally to look at Clarke, tears streaming down her face. "I fell apart, Clarke. I didn't know what to do. I was a 20-year-old orphan who had also lost the only person outside of my parents who had ever loved me, and whom I had loved so, so much. I was an only child, so my parents left me everything. The house, the cars, my father's business, but I didn't know what to do; I didn't want any of it, I just wanted them all back. I stayed in my house for weeks after the funeral, not speaking to or seeing anyone. I barely remembered to eat; I was surviving - barely, and that was all. I felt like I was living with ghosts, I couldn't go anywhere in my home without seeing my parents. I was afraid to go anywhere in Seattle in case I ran into mine and Costia's friends, and I didn't want to see the places we hung out. My Uncle Gustus had been staying with me since the funeral, and it was he that finally got me moving again. He suggested either selling the house or putting it up for rent and coming back to DC to live with him and Lincoln. They had been alone for a few years since my Aunt Indra passed, so they too knew what I was going through, to some extent. He took me to UW and organized a deferral of my program with the potential for transfer to GWU if that was what I felt I needed to do." Lexa took a breath a paused for a moment before continuing.
"I decided to rent out the house, and Gustus hired a landlord to look after all the particulars. I left instructions with the acting CEO of my dad's company; while I now owned the majority of shares, I would defer to the board and their decisions until I finished my business degree, as long as they continued running the company the way my father would have wanted. I left everything I ever knew behind, and I moved here."
Lexa was still looking at Clarke, who was sitting quietly, her hand still on Lexa's arm, looking down at her feet, tears silently rolling down her face.
When Lexa stopped talking, Clarke looked up, and Lexa saw the tears streaking down Clarke's cheeks. Lexa reached up hesitantly with the hand not currently under Clarke's and wiped the tears away with her thumb. Clarke couldn't stop herself from closing her eyes and leaning into the touch slightly while she slid her free hand down Lexa's arm until she found her hand, and entwined their fingers together, both girl's hands tingling at the touch.
"That's why you didn't go to the National Team training camp," Clarke said with certainty, thinking back to the discussion they had had at the Dropship a few weeks ago.
Lexa nodded once and sighed, looking away. Clarke didn't say anything else. She remained silent, but squeezed Lexa's hand gently, encouraging her to continue.
Lexa gently squeezed back and picked up her narrative. "I was here for a year and a half before I decided to stay. I arranged to transfer my credits to GWU and to start my studies at the beginning of the next term. I left UW in the middle of my third year, so I was able to pick up where I left off. Gustus had been trying to convince me to play hockey for his team, but I wasn't yet ready to be anywhere near a rink again, so I kept making excuses. Then the Arkers beat them in the finals last fall, and Gustus kept going on and on about how he didn't know if they could ever beat them. He kept talking about this one girl, Clarke Griffin…" at this Lexa smiled softly at Clarke before continuing.
"I was intrigued enough to tell Gustus that I would play the following season," Lexa swallowed and snuck another peak at Clarke from beneath her lashes before she softly continued. "If I'm honest, in retrospect, you were the reason I decided to play."
Clarke jerked in surprise and looked at Lexa with wide eyes. "Me?"
Lexa nodded, "Gustus kept talking about you and your team, but there was something that stuck with me from the first time I heard your name. I didn't realize it was about you at the time; it was more like a niggle in the back of my mind, of something I should remember. Have you ever felt that way?"
Clarke looked at Lexa, eyes still wide and nodded in awed affirmation.
"Every time your name came up, the feeling that I should play got stronger. The feeling I have now, about it being about you is only something I have been able to piece together since meeting you. At the time, I thought it was just about helping my Uncle finally beat the infamous Arkers," Lexa paused and gave Clarke a lopsided half-smile that made Clarke's heart beat painfully in her chest, and she was powerless to stop her hand from clenching around Lexa's slender fingers in response.
Lexa shifted slightly, to bring her a bit closer to Clarke. "Gustus was ecstatic when I finally agreed, and as the season drew closer, I started to get excited as well, but there was still a part of me that felt guilty about going back to hockey. Gustus finally convinced me that my parents and Costia wouldn't have wanted me to give up something I loved, and I love hockey, and I missed it. So, the season started, and we went through the first half undefeated, but it didn't feel like I thought it would. I had been excited and was looking forward to playing again, but it felt incomplete like there was a piece missing, and I was at a loss to explain it. For a while, I thought it was because I was still hanging onto some guilt about playing again, but I know now that that is not what it was." Lexa tilted her head up to catch Clarke's eyes, which were staring intently back at her.
"On top of everything," she continued with a wry grin, "I kept hearing about the Arkers and how they were cruising through the season undefeated as well. My curiosity got the better of me, and I went and watched your game against the Ice Nation. I saw your team play. But I don't think that game prepared me for what to expect from you or your team because it was completely different facing you on the ice," Lexa added succinctly. She left out that she couldn't take her eyes off the blonde centerman who so often dominated the play, and who so obviously and exceptionally led her team on the ice.
Clarke's eyes widened slightly at the mention of the Ice Nation game. Clarke remembered that game; it was rough, and the Ice Nation girls played dirty, as usual. Octavia had been tossed from the match on a game misconduct for fighting. Raven had to be held back from a fight as well when Clarke had been cross-checked heavily into the boards; her neck had hurt for a week. The Arkers had managed to squeak out a win, but it wasn't pretty.
"So," Lexa continued with a shrug, "fate. I would never have met you if I hadn't moved to DC and decided to play hockey again. I would have never have moved to DC if tragedy hadn't upended my life. If tragedy hadn't hit me the way it did, I wouldn't understand what you are going through or know how to help support you as things play out with your Dad…if you'll let me," she finished shyly looking down.
Clarke was staring at Lexa, her eyes shining. Lexa looked back at Clarke and could see her own eyes reflected back in Clarke's blue ones. Clarke took a deep shuddering breath before she untangled her hand from Lexa's and exited the car in silence. Lexa was devastated. Had she said too much, made too bold an assumption? Had she ruined everything she and Clarke had been building over the past few weeks? She lowered her head again, fighting back the tears that threatened to overflow. She was about to open the car door to apologize to Clarke when the door opened on its own as she reached for the handle. Lexa raised her head fractionally to see Clarke standing in front of the now open door, and froze.
"Lexa," Clarke said huskily, her voice raw.
Lexa shivered at the way Clarke said her name and she looked up further to see the blond standing with her hand outstretched. Clarke had removed Lexa's glove, and relief flowed through Lexa's body as she reached up and grasped Clarke's now ungloved hand, surprised at how warm it was, less surprised by the electric tingle that shot up her arm at the contact. It was something she was getting used to when the blond touched her, but something of which she would never tire.
Clarke helped her to her feet, and the two girls stood and stared at each other for the space of several heartbeats before Clarke quickly pulled Lexa towards her and wrapped her up in a bone crushing hug.
"Thank you," Clarke whispered softly in her ear, squeezing the slightly taller woman even tighter. Clarke was overwhelmed by the trust Lexa had just placed in her, the vulnerability she so openly shared with her, the raw emotion that Lexa's story evoked and the glimmer of hope that came along with it.
Lexa was so surprised by the gesture that she couldn't move for a moment, she stood with her arms hanging stiffly by her sides, but as soon as Clarke whispered in her ear, her arms came up, and she gently hugged the girl back. She embraced Clarke like she was a rare piece of porcelain that would shatter into a million pieces with too much force. She hugged her like Clarke was the most precious thing in the universe; it hit Lexa then that she just might be.
The two women stood by the open car door for long moments just hugging each other in silent support and understanding. The longer the hug went on, the more comfortable Lexa felt, and she gradually hugged the girl in her arms tighter. Lexa didn't know how long they stayed like that, and when she felt Clarke start to shiver, she forced herself to pull away from her, keeping her hands on Clarke's hips.
"We should go," Lexa said reluctantly, looking at Clarke. She could still see the fear Clarke harbored for her father dancing in her eyes and the potential emptiness just behind that fear, an emptiness that could be staved off or that Clarke could fall into entirely if things went badly. She recognized it all too well, but she thought she might also see something like hope lurking in the blue depths as well.
Clarke looked back at Lexa, memorizing her face, the angle of her cheekbones as the light of the street lamp hit them and the firm line of her jaw. The mouth that smiled so rarely, but when she did, lit up her whole face like a ray of sunshine. The beautiful, piercing green eyes that were so full of compassion and understanding that they made Clarke's heartache. She wanted to memorize this moment in time, the moment the woman in front of her offered to help her, wanting nothing in return. Her eyes roamed Lexa's face and flickered to her lips more than once.
Lexa allowed the scrutiny, not sure what was causing the blonde's inspection, but willing to let Clarke do whatever she needed at this moment. Lexa was beginning to think she would always let Clarke do whatever she wanted to, and the thought didn't scare her as much as she thought it should. Lexa noticed Clarke's gaze flick to her lips quickly and away more than once and realized how close they were standing to each other, with Lexa's hands still on Clarke's hips. She decided it would be a good idea to get moving.
She cleared her throat quietly, which seemed to bring Clarke back to her senses. Clarke gave Lexa a small, soft smile before she reached up with her right hand and pulled Lexa's head closer so that she could rest her forehead on Lexa's. Lexa sighed into the touch, pressing into Clarke.
Clarke left her hand on the back of Lexa's neck, rubbing her thumb under her ear softly. Both women had their eyes closed, and Lexa could feel the soft puffs of breath coming from Clarke's mouth.
Clarke squeezed the back of Lexa's neck gently and pressed her forehead a bit more firmly against the taller woman's before whispering a second, "Thank you."
Lexa nodded against Clarke, their foreheads rubbing gently against each other. Clarke was sorely tempted to kiss Lexa right then and there, but the time wasn't right. Lexa had bared her soul to Clarke, and Clarke herself was currently not in the best place. When they kissed, and Clarke was sure that they would, she wanted it to be perfect - no regrets, no grief, nothing else between them but the need and the want that sometimes seemed to overwhelm Clarke when she was around Lexa. Clarke had been nothing but patient, not knowing what it was that kept Lexa so guarded, but respecting her unspoken boundaries nonetheless. Now she knew the reason, and everything now made sense. Lexa was offering to help Clarke, no matter what happened, and there was something within Clarke, an undefined feeling that connected her to the green eyed beauty before her. The feeling was just on the edge of her subconscious, but with everything else going on, it was elusive and ephemeral, and she let it go for the time being. Clarke pulled away, and when Lexa opened her eyes and lifted her head, Clarke leaned in a placed a chaste kiss on Lexa's cheek.
Lexa's eyes widened slightly, but Clarke had already turned within Lexa's loose grasp of her hips, reaching out and snagging Lexa's retreating hand with her own. She entwined their fingers once again and squeezed, and Clarke stepped away from Lexa and out from the shelter of the open door before releasing Lexa's hand and moving back around the front of the car to return to her passenger seat. Lexa quickly jumped back into the driver's side and closed the door.
"I think we lost all the heat we may have accumulated before getting out of the car," Clarke sheepishly said, not looking at Lexa.
Lexa turned to her and offered, "it's still warmer in here than out there, and it won't take long to warm it up again. At least the windows have defrosted. Are you ready to go?"
Clarke didn't answer immediately, and Lexa sat in patient silence watching her.
Clarke felt the scrutiny and offered quietly, without looking at the other woman, "It's going to be okay, right? I'm going to be okay?"
Lexa gave her hand a gentle squeeze before responding. "You will…" she paused thinking about her next words and pushed them out before she could lose her nerve, "and no matter what happens, I will be there whenever you need me," she finished softly.
Clarke said nothing but gave an answering squeeze, and Lexa withdrew her hand, put the car in drive and pulled out of the parking lot.
They had been traveling in a comfortable silence for several minutes before Clarke nodded silently and took a deep breath when the car had come to a stop at a red light. "Lexa?" she whispered, looking down at her hands, one nervously picking at a loose thread on her pants, the other, which had managed to find its way back into Lexa's, was laying loosely in Lexa's palm.
"Yes?" Lexa answered only slightly louder.
"I know...I know it's asking a lot, and you can totally say 'no,' I'd understand, but," Clarke paused and brought her watery blue gaze to meet Lexa's in the dark early morning hours of the car. "But, do you think...do you think you could come with me? To Orlando?"
Lexa's eyes widened in surprise, and she jerked back slightly in her seat in response to the question and involuntarily squeezed Clarke's hand that she was holding a bit too tight. She noticed Clarke's slight grimace and quickly released the blonde's hand, apologizing.
"God, I'm sorry, Clarke," Lexa said.
"No, I'm sorry," Clarke said immediately. "I was out of line, I should never have asked you to do that, you barely know me, and you shared something huge with me, and now I'm asking you to relive it, and,"
"Clarke," Lexa interrupted the blonde's rambling. When Clarke finally raised her eyes to look at Lexa's, the brunette gently took Clarke's hand in her own again and softly said, "Yes."
"What?" Clarke asked confused.
"I said, yes," Lexa confirmed. She wasn't sure what she was doing, or how she'd get through it, but if Clarke needed her, she'd do it. She would do anything. "If you want me there, then I'll be there," Lexa finished softly.
"Yes?" Clarke said in wonder.
"Yes," Lexa repeated firmly, giving Clarke's hand another squeeze just as the light turned green again.
They drove the rest of the way to Clarke's in silence, and it wasn't long before Lexa was pulling into Clarke's driveway.
Only moments after shutting off the engine, Raven and Octavia poured out the front door and engulfed Clarke in a tangle of arms and kisses with muttered, "Are you okay's?", "I'm so glad Lexa found you's," and "Don't ever scare us like that again's."
Clarke hugged them back, while Lexa stood on the doorstep with Anya and watched.
"That took a while," Anya whispered. "How did you find her?"
"I found her fairly quickly, actually," Lexa whispered back. "I just spent a long time holding her while she cried and then I told her...everything."
Anya looked at Lexa with apparent surprise before slinging an arm around Lexa's shoulder and pulling her friend into a side hug. "I'm proud of you," she said as she placed a kiss on Lexa's temple.
Lexa shrugged. "I had to," she continued to whisper as she watched the three women start to untangle themselves from each other. "I wanted her to know anyway, and it seemed like all the events of my life in the last few years have been leading me to this moment, and if my story helps her, then..." Lexa looked at Anya and gave her a soft smile, "If I look back at it objectively, it all brings me here, to her."
Anya turned to scrutinize Lexa as the brunette watched the three friends begin their walk up the driveway. "Does that mean you're ready to start something with Clarke?" Anya asked quietly.
Lexa shook her head, "I don't know," she sighed. "I just opened up more to her than I have to anybody, you included, in over two years. I'm scared, Anya," Lexa said. "Clarke understands, I know she does. I know she gets why I'm hesitant, and I know that what I shared with her has answered many of her unasked questions. I'm just so fucking scared. I don't want to lose her and..."
"Don't want to lose who?" Raven interrupted as she swooped up beside them on the porch. Clarke, and Octavia a few steps behind.
Anya shot Raven a glare out of the side of her eye and pinched her in the side which made Raven jump, and she swatted Anya on the shoulder. "Ahhh! What the hell, Anya!" Raven yelled, completely missing the grateful look Lexa threw at Anya as Lexa ducked inside the house followed by a quietly amused Octavia, and a somber Clarke.
Anya just glared again at Raven and shook her head at the annoyed brunette and whispered, "Drop it," before placing a soft kiss on Raven's cheek.
"Fine," Raven grumbled, "but only if you smooch me again."
Anya grinned and grabbed Raven by the belt loops and pulled Raven flush against her body, before releasing her hip with her right hand and reaching up and around the back of Raven's neck and pulling her in for a kiss which quickly became heated.
Raven pulled back when oxygen became necessary, and husked out, "What time do you have to be at the airport?"
"My flight leaves at 7:00, so I want to leave around five a.m. Why?" Anya whispered, chasing Raven's mouth once more.
Raven dodged Anya's seeking lips and looked at her watch. "It's just before three now. That's two hours. Think we could sneak away for a bit?"
"Raven," Anya exclaimed. "Your best friend just found out that her Dad has been terribly injured in an accident and doesn't know if he'll survive the night! How can you think about that?"
"Oh, please. Don't tell me you aren't thinking about it too," Raven admonished, interrupting. "But honestly, it's all I can think about, and I need to not think about it," Raven softly continued, looking towards the closed door of the house. She glanced back at Anya and lowered her head, "The Griffins are my family, Anya. I never knew my dad, and my mom's a drunk who couldn't possibly care less about me. I've spent more time in this house, with this family, than I ever have at my own. I practically lived here in high school, and Abby and Jake took me in and never asked any questions when I showed up late and stayed for days, and Clarke, well, Clarke is Clarke." Raven said as if that should explain it all and shrugged and huffed out a long sigh, watching as the heat of her breath condensed in the cold air of the morning. "I don't know what I'll do if Jake dies, Anya. always prided myself on being strong and unaffected by the shit in my life, but if Jake dies...he's like my father too," she finished quietly.
Anya reached out and hugged Raven tightly, understanding the other woman's need to distract herself from the thoughts flying around her mind. She had been there too, several years ago when Lexa's life came crashing down around them both. Anya had viewed Lexa's parents as her own as well so she knew what Raven was talking about.
Raven pulled away and tried to lighten the mood and explain herself a bit better. "And I'm not talking about taking off right now. Of course, we'll go in and check on Clarke, get her settled. I don't imagine Abby will be calling in the next couple of hours. If it's good news, she'll wait for morning, if it's bad news, well, she'll need to prepare herself for that talk with Clarke. I was thinking more along the lines of when Clarke falls asleep," Raven finished sheepishly.
Anya shook her head, "You think she'll sleep?" she asked.
"Probably not, but who knows," Raven said, turning to enter the house, pulling Anya along behind her.
Clarke did sleep, fitfully, curled up next to Lexa on the couch. She had started sitting next to Lexa, lost in her thoughts, as the others chatted quietly around her. Before long, she had shifted down so that her head rested on Lexa's shoulder and it wasn't long after that that Clarke's eyes fluttered closed and her breathing deepened, emotionally exhausted from the events of the evening. Anya was the first to notice the slumbering blonde and indicated with her chin to alert Lexa, who shifted slightly to maneuver Clarke down so that her head was in Lexa's lap. Clarke's eyelids fluttered, and she whined softly in protest but dropped off again quickly once settled in a more prone position.
Octavia and Lincoln were sound asleep on the second couch, spooned together with Lincoln in behind the petite brunette, his arm wrapped protectively around her middle. Anya and Raven had grabbed some cushions off the sofa and made themselves comfortable in front of the love seat and had been talking quietly amongst themselves and with Lexa until Clarke had nodded off. Once Lexa had Clarke situated comfortably in her lap, Raven stood, grabbed Anya's hand and pulled her to her feet.
Raven shot a concerned glance at Clarke and then whispered to Lexa. "Let us know if you hear anything," before pulling Anya out of the room. Lexa shot Anya an amused look, and the older woman just shrugged and gave Lexa a sheepish grin as she followed along behind the insistent brunette.
Lexa sat in the quiet of the Griffin's living room, watching the sleeping blonde in her lap. Her mind replayed the whole evening, and she found herself wondering how so much could happen in such a short span of time. She felt Clarke stir against her and glanced down to see a small frown creasing the smoothness between the blonde's brows, and instinctively reached out and ran her thumb along one brow, trying to soothe the frown away. Clarke shifted again and rolled onto her other side, burying her face in the fabric of Lexa's shirt, and Lexa could feel the press of Clarke's nose against her abdomen and the heat of Clarke's breath through the light material of her shirt. It made her breath hitch and her heart race, and she had to close her eyes for a moment to bring her rapidly beating heart under control. She had lifted her hands to allow Clarke to reposition herself, and then lowered them gently once Clarke had settled. Lexa let her left hand fall to Clarke's shoulder and her right she allowed to fall to the crown of Clarke's head, marveling at the silkiness of the blonde waves beneath her hand. Without conscious thought, Lexa began to run her fingers through Clarke's golden curls like it was the most natural thing in the world. As Lexa continued with the repetitive, soothing motion, she leaned her head back on the couch and closed her eyes. It wasn't long before her hand stilled, still tangled in Clarke's blonde locks, and her breathing deepened to match that of the woman sleeping in her lap. That was how Raven and Anya found them when they returned to the living room an hour later.
Raven pulled Anya into the guest room and pushed her up against the door as soon as it closed behind them. Her mouth hungrily attacked the lips of the slightly shocked Anya who took only a fraction of a second to respond back in kind. The kiss was messy and desperate, urgent and not at all gentle, with the knocking of teeth and the biting of lips. Both women were panting when they finally pulled apart, chests heaving and eyes glazed and blown with desire.
Anya pulled away, breathing harshly and grasped Raven's roaming hands to still them. She looked Raven in the eyes and open and closed her mouth a few times before she managed to find her voice.
"I," Anya started then stopped. Sucking in another breath, God, this is so hard, she thought she continued. "I want you to know how much getting to know you these past weeks has meant to me," Anya continued. "And I want, no, I need you to know that I care about you a lot, but..."
"But you're leaving," Raven interrupted, finishing the sentence for her. Raven's eyes were glassy, but she kept her gaze steady.
Anya sucked in another deep breath and nodded, looking at Raven. "I live across the country, Raven. Like, literally, all the way across the country. It's a three-hour time difference. I can't ask you,"
"You can't ask me to what, Anya?" Raven interrupted again, a hard note in her voice. "I like you. A lot. If you want this," Raven waved her hand between them and the space between their bodies. "What is happening between us, to be over when you leave, then just say it; because I don't. I don't care if you're half way around the world, Anya!" Raven whispered harshly. "I don't care if I have to arrange my schedule so that I can talk to you, I want to try."
Anya's eyes widened as Raven spoke, and found herself speechless by the time the feisty brunette had finished. "Raven," Anya said, flabbergasted by the whispered outburst.
Silence settled between the two women, Anya watching Raven closely.
"I want you too, Rae," Anya finally said, breaking the tense silence. "I 'm just worried that it won't live up to expectations," she muttered.
"I don't want to talk about this now, I only have you for a few more hours, and I just want you to fuck me and let me lose myself in you for a while," Raven responded, looking directly at Anya as if daring her to refuse her.
Anya gave her one short nod and asked, "You're sure?"
Raven just sighed in frustration and captured Anya's lips and kissed her forcibly before pulling away and quirking an eyebrow. "You need to try to keep it down; we're in the furthest bedroom away from the living room, but we don't want to wake anyone up," Raven informed her.
In response Anya pushed herself away from the door and raised her hands slowly up Raven's sides, pushing up the material of Raven's shirt until it bunched just under the swell of her breasts. Anya paused for the briefest moment while she quickly caught Raven's eye and the almost imperceptible nod of permission before she swiftly removed Raven's top and dropped it at their feet. Anya then stepped back and made short work of both her top and her bra. Raven stood in wide-eyed wonder at the beauty before her, before reaching around behind her and undoing the clasp on her lacy red bra and letting fall off of her shoulders to join the growing pile of garments littering the floor at their feet.
The two women stood and openly admired one another for the space of several moments before surging forward to crash their lips together again in perfect synchronicity. Anya spun Raven so it was her back that was pushed against the door and abandoned Raven's lips to press hot, open-mouthed kisses down her neck instead, sucking hard on Raven's pulse point, determined to leave a mark that would stay with Raven long after Anya was gone. Raven moaned and sucked in a sharp breath when she felt Anya's teeth nip sharply on her collarbone, only to sigh when a soft kiss soothed the sting. Anya's hands found Raven's pert breasts and the brunette let out a throaty moan when Anya brushed her palms over her hardened, sensitive nipples, arching her back to push her chest further into Anya's skilled hands. Anya's right hand continued its downward progress after a sharp tweak of Raven's nipple, and she replaced the descending hand with her mouth, sucking hard on the bud, before circling it softly with her tongue. Her left hand continued it's ministrations on the other breast, rolling the nipple between her fingers, alternating between soft tugs and flicks and more forceful pinches. Urged on by the whimpers and soft moans that were making their way from Raven's mouth and from deep within her chest, Anya's right hand hooked into the top of Raven's pants and slid her fingers along the waistline until she reached the button. She popped it open expertly and lowered the fly, reaching in two long fingers to brush tantalizingly across Raven's throbbing clit through the fabric of her soaked underwear.
Raven was squirming under Anya's attention, but when Anya's hand found its way into her pants, she couldn't stop her hips from bucking forward, with a soft "Fuck, Anya," leaving her lips.
"Oh, Rae," Anya breathed, coming back up to kiss Raven passionately on the lips. "You are so wet," Anya husked into the almost non-existent space between their swollen lips when she parted.
Raven slid her hands away from where she was gripping tightly to Anya's waist, to the top of her pants and started to shimmy them down over her hips. Anya stepped back slightly to give Raven more room before she dropped to her knees in front of the younger woman and placed her hands over Raven's and took over pulling the jeans down the length of Raven's toned legs. Raven stood straight and watched Anya under hooded eyes, slide her jeans and underpants down to her ankles. When both had pooled at Raven's feet, she carefully lifted one foot then the other, as Anya removed them fully and tossed them behind her. She then looked back up at Raven, running her hands up and down Raven's legs, before turning her gaze to Raven's center and letting out a moan as she noticed the copious amount of moisture gathered there; so much that it was running down the inside of Raven's thigh. Anya pushed on Raven's legs gently, intent on spreading her legs before leaning in and catching the runaway telltale sign of Raven's desire on her tongue and dragging it all the way back to the apex of her thigh. Anya stopped just shy of her goal, and she heard a soft growl from above her, before rising just high enough to place a sharp nip on Raven's right hip bone, causing the younger woman to jerk in surprise. Anya grinned and shot a quick look up at Raven who was panting and staring back at Anya, eyes almost black with desire and need. Anya faltered for a moment, stunned by the beauty before her until Raven's hands found her way into Anya's hair and she tugged lightly on the blonde locks, directing Anya where she needed her most.
"Anya, please," Raven practically growled, pulling again on Anya's hair, a bit harder this time.
Anya nodded, and as she lowered herself again, she hooked her right arm under Raven's left leg and pulled it over her right shoulder. Once she felt Raven was secure, she wasted no time, leaning in and swiping the entirety of Raven's glistening folds with the flat of her tongue. Raven let out a throaty moan and jerked her hips up as Anya's tongue came to a point and circled the tight bundle of nerves at the top of Raven's slit. Anya reached up with her left arm and pushed gently against Raven's lower abdomen and hips, holding her in place against the door as she made lazy figure eights around Raven's throbbing clit and then lower again to explore the sopping folds. She moved lower still when she felt Raven's hands fist in her hair and give her a gentle push in the direction Raven needed her to be. Anya circled Raven's entrance, once, twice, three times before suddenly thrusting into Raven's opening quickly as far as she could go and back out again. She heard Raven's gasp and the tightening of her hands in her hair once more, before a low guttural moan escaped with a raspy, "Holy fuck, keep doing that."
Anya obeyed, thrusting her tongue slowly in and out of Raven as far as she could. She could feel the tightening of Raven's abdominal muscles as she tried to rock into Anya's thrusts, but the blonde held her in place and continued her pace tirelessly. Eventually, Anya pulled away and heard the frustration in the huff that left Raven's lips before circling her clit again and pulling it sharply into her mouth and sucking hard. Raven cried out softly, jerking her hips out and away from the wall. Anya managed to hang on and gently scrape her teeth over the little bundle of nerves as she raised her right hand from where it had been resting on the side of Raven's thigh, and gently swirled her index finger around Raven's opening, as she sucked gently on her clit again.
Raven moaned quietly, thrusting her hips forward again, trying to capture Anya's elusive finger. Anya teased for only a few more moments before slowly pushing in her index finger to the second knuckle before withdrawing and pushing in again. She had repeated this three more times before Raven gasped again as Anya added a second finger, still moving excruciatingly slowly. Anya let up the pressure on Raven's hips, allowing her to go with the thrusts as Anya continued to lick and suck gently on Raven's clit. It wasn't long before Raven's breath was coming in quick pants and she was thrusting her hips with more vigor.
"More," she gasped, gripping Anya's hair tight and pulling her closer, fucking her face with abandon as Anya's fingers continued to move within her. "I need more," she breathed out.
Anya hummed her agreement against Raven's clit causing a shiver to travel down Raven's spine to her very center. The abrupt increase in fluids around Anya's hand triggered an answering flood of arousal of her own and Anya quickly slipped in a third finger and backed her lips away from Raven's clit and bucking hips for a moment to adjust her angle slightly and pick up her tempo. She took the opportunity to look up at Raven who had her head thrown back against the door, eyes squeezed shut, mouth partly open, chest heaving and hips thrusting against Anya's hand frantically. Anya didn't think she had ever seen anything quite so beautiful.
Anya shifted slightly on her knees, removing her arm from across Raven's lower abdomen and grasped the younger woman's hip firmly with her left hand. With her right she continued to pump into Raven with enthusiasm, pulling almost all the way out and slamming back in with as much force as she dared, relishing in the sounds coming from both Raven and the wet sounds of her fingers moving through Raven's desire. Raven met her thrust for thrust, pulling Anya in even deeper each time. Anya could feel Raven tensing, her internal muscles beginning to tighten and flex around her fingers, and if that wasn't enough, Raven's quick pants, breathy moans, and increasingly erratic hip movements let Anya know she was close.
"Fuck Anya," Raven gasped. "Don't stop, please don't stop, it feels so fucking good! God, what you do to me, uhh, oh, my, god. Yes, YES!, right there, oh my god! Holy fuck! Anya...Anya...Anya...," Raven chanted with each thrust of Anya's fingers, her hips beginning to jerk sharply.
Anya leaned back in and sucked Raven's clit into her mouth once more, pulling hard as she removed a finger and curled the remaining two forward to brush against Raven's front wall. It was enough for Raven to gasp out Anya's name one last time before arching her back and clamping down on Anya's fingers drawing her incredibly deeper. Anya softened her tongue around Raven's clit, sucking softly and slowly circling the sensitive bundle of nerves as she gently continued pumping her fingers in and out of trembling woman, helping her to both ride out her orgasm and prolong it. When Raven's body finally stilled, Anya carefully pulled her fingers out and gently lowered Raven's leg to the floor. Anya grasped the weak-kneed woman firmly about the waist, so she didn't collapse as she rose to her feet. Once fully standing, she pulled Raven to her chest, and the slightly smaller woman collapsed against her.
It didn't take long for Anya to feel wetness on her bare skin, and she pulled back to look at Raven, who quickly brushed at her eyes and looked away. Anya gripped Raven's chin gently and pulled her so that she could look her in the eye. Raven let her, but her eyes darted anywhere and everywhere so she wouldn't have to look directly at Anya.
"Hey," Anya whispered, ducking her head, trying to capture Raven's eyes. "Rae, look at me, please," Anya said with a note of pleading in her voice.
Raven finally glanced up into Anya's eyes, and Anya could see the still unshed tears there as well as the ones that trailed down her bronzed cheeks. Anya reached up with the hand not holding Raven's chin and gently wiped a tear away, feeling her throat tighten as she watched the emotions chase each other across Raven's face.
"I'm going to miss you too," Anya whispered tightly. "So very much."
Raven's eyes went wide, and then her face crumpled, and she threw herself into Anya's arms, burying her face in Anya's neck and sobbing quietly. Anya rubbed Raven's bare back in soothing circles and whispered quiet endearments in her ear until she felt the shaking of Raven's shoulders stop.
"I'm sorry," Raven husked out. "I told myself I wouldn't do this. This is not how I wanted you to remember me. "
Anya released her after kissing her on the forehead and walked over to the nightstand by the still pristine bed and grabbed a tissue from the box there before returning to Raven's side and handing it to her. Raven took it with muffled thanks, and they spent the next few moments in silence as Raven wiped her face and nose.
"I will remember you with your head thrown back against that door chanting my name," Anya finally said, with only a hint of a smirk on her face, eyes serious.
Raven gave her a watery grin and then tossed the tissue in the bin to the side of the nightstand and stepped in closer to Anya, placing her hands on Anya's hips. "Let me show you how much I'm going to miss you," Raven husked out, placing a soft kiss to the side of Anya's mouth.
Anya's breathing quickened almost instantaneously, and she wrapped her arms around Raven's waist and walked her backward toward the bed. Raven grinned into the kiss Anya placed on her mouth as they fell back onto the comforter. Raven wasted no time, flipping them over so that she was straddling Anya's narrow hips and peppering her face, neck, and chest with hot, needy kisses. Raven proceeded to give Anya more than just multiple orgasms to remember, making sure she left her mark on as many surfaces of Anya's skin as she could.
Some time later, both women were curled up in each other, trying to regulate their breathing, sweat slowly drying off their sated bodies. Raven shifted, craning her neck from where her head rested on Anya's chest so she could look at her and sighed deeply.
"What was that for?" Anya asked, thinking she may have some idea what about what Raven might be thinking.
"What...I mean, do you..." Raven tried, faltering and letting out a puff of air in disgust.
"Raven," Anya whispered, tightening her grip on the brunette's hip.
Raven froze, her finger stilled against the smoothness of Anya's upper chest where she had been idly drawing nonsensical patterns on the flushed skin.
Anya felt the change, the tensing of Raven's body and brought her lips down to kiss the top of Raven's head.
"Raven," Anya whispered again, pushing on her shoulders slightly so that she could look into her eyes. Raven shifted, sliding off the side of Anya's body and propping herself up on her right elbow so she could look at Anya comfortably. Once Anya was sure she had Raven's attention, she sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly through her nose, trying to order her thoughts.
"What I mentioned before, about my leaving," Anya started tentatively. "We need to talk about it," she added slowly and waited for Raven to acknowledge the topic.
It took several moments for Raven to finally reply, and when she did it was in a small, tentative voice, "I know. So, what? Can we try this?"
Anya sucked in a breath and looked at the woman lying beside her and gave her a short nod. "It's not that I'm not willing to try," Anya breathed out. "But let's not kid ourselves, it's not going to be easy. The time difference is going to suck, and with you in school and me working, it's going to be hard to connect. Maybe…maybe it might be better to part as friends and see what happens? No expectations? Just see how it goes?" Anya finished tentatively.
Raven looked at her, sorrow and disappointment flashing across her eyes before resignation finally settled there, and she lowered her eyes to the bed and picked at the sheet. "You know," she started softly. "I know that we haven't known each other for that long, but I have to tell you that I have never had a connection like this with anyone before." Raven looked back at Anya and held her gaze. "If you lived here, or even closer, I would ask you to be my girlfriend – to be exclusive."
"Raven," Anya started, but Raven pushed on, not letting the older woman finish.
"I know I can't ask that of you, and that you don't want to ask that of me. But I would…I will wait." Raven sighed and looked away again. "However, I know what you mean, and I understand what you are saying. I don't like it, but I understand. So, we part as friends, stay in contact and see what happens?" Raven finished, looking back up at Anya once again.
Anya reached over and pushed a lock of silky hair behind Raven's ear and gave her a sad smile. "We see what happens," she repeated softly.
"Okay," Raven nodded and then leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on Anya's lips. "We'd better get going. We need to get you to the airport, and we need to see if Abby has called back. We've been AWOL for almost an hour."
Anya sighed and sat up with Raven and wrapped her arms around Raven's middle, pulling Raven's back flush with her naked front. She felt Raven shudder at the contact of Anya's breasts against her back and Anya smiled softly and leaned in to whisper in Raven's ear. "I feel it too, this connection, Rae. If we are meant to be, then it will all work out; it will take an enormous amount of work, though. And if we decide to do this, then I'll do it, but I want us to be sure."
Raven sank further against Anya's front and nodded.
"I just don't want to force anything. I want this to work out because it's meant to," Anya softly continued. "And I do want it to work out," she finished, nibbling on Raven's earlobe softly.
Raven turned and straddled the blonde. "Me too," she said just as softly, cupping Anya's cheeks and placing a lingering kiss on her lips while pushing her hips against Anya's toned stomach.
Anya groaned and pushed at Raven lightly. "You need to stop. We need to get dressed and check on our friends."
Raven kissed her again before nodding and sliding off Anya's lap and walking to her discarded clothes and throwing various items towards Anya as she came across them. The women dressed quickly and then stripped the sheets and pulled the duvet up over the now bare bed.
"I'll find some clean sheets later," Raven mumbled.
As they walked toward the door, Raven tugged on Anya's hand and pulled her to a stop. Anya turned to look at Raven, brows raised in question.
"Um," Raven started, as a flush crept up her neck and her eyes darted to the floor. "I'm sorry about earlier, when I...after you..." she continued awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck with her free hand and took a deep breath. "It just that after everything that happened tonight, I let my emotions get the better of me, and I don't usually do that. You're leaving, and Jake..." Raven said looking up, eyes pleading for understanding.
Anya pulled Raven in for a fierce hug. "You don't need to apologize for your feelings, Rae," Anya said firmly. "Ever. They are a part of you; they are valid, so don't ever worry about sharing them with me. I'm sorry I have to go home, I wish it were different," Anya finished with a soft kiss to Raven's forehead. Raven sadly nodded, turned away and they headed out to the living room hand in hand.