Hello. I know quite a few people want me to wrap this story up, so this will be the last chapter. I did plan on writing more chapters up until Brittany and Santana graduate, but I know a few people want this to finish, so this is the end. There will be an epilogue! I really hope you all enjoy this!
"My love, my everything," I whisper when the video stops.
I finish off the pepperoni pizza and then I turn off the television before crawling under the covers and attempting to get some sleep. I still feel drunk, and even though watching the video of Brittany helped a little bit, I still feel like shit. What the fuck am I going to do? I feel so confused right now, I just want to go back in time and change things. God, there's so much I would change. I'd stay away from Mr. Schuester, that's for sure. I think I would change things with Brittany, I'm not sure what I would do, but I'd do something.
"Santana, open up!" The sound of Lexi's voice breaks me away from my thoughts. I quickly jump out of bed and unblock the door. I have to act like things are normal. I can't have anyone knowing that I watched a video of Brittany again.
They'd send me back to the mental institution if they knew. Not only that, I'd lose Brittany forever.
"What is it?" I ask, forcing a smile on my face.
Lexi frowns and studies my face. "Are you okay?" She asks in a much calmer voice. Well I'm glad she's calmed down, she seemed so pissed two seconds ago.
I nod my head furiously. "Yes, I'm great. How are you?" I ask. I don't suspicious, do I? I think I sound normal. I should sound normal because after all I am a pretty normal girl. It's not like I'm crazy or anything. I'm just me. Normal Santana! I'm not nuts, I haven't done anything wrong.
Shut up. Shut the fuck up!
"I'm going to bed, goodnight," I tell Lexi before slamming the door in her face. I shouldn't have done that, but sleep is very important. I don't want to get bags underneath my eyes.
"Santana, open up the fucking door!" Lexi screams, banging so loudly I swear her fist is going to come straight through the door. "I'm serious, we need to talk so open this fucking door!"
"Sorry, now's not a good time. Come back later!" I shout as I climb back into bed. I just hope that thing in front of door holds in place. I don't want Lexi to be able to just storm in here. She might find my Brittany video.
Then there's silence. I'm all alone once again. Hopefully sleeping will help me. Not very likely, but still. I close my eyes and turn on my side, I always find it easier to sleep this way. Just as I'm about to drift off to sleep, I hear the sound of footsteps running up the stairs. Then there's a quiet knock on the door. Jesus Christ, why can't Lexi just leave me alone? I always give her space when she needs it.
"Sweetheart, can you open the door?" I hear a soft voice say. It's Brittany, she's here.
"Brittany," I say quietly, not loud enough for her to hear. I want to see her, but at the same time I don't want to see her. "I'm really tired, I'll just s-see you tomorrow," I say, loud enough for Brittany to hear.
She sighs. "Please," she begs. "Please, I'm so worried about you."
I can't see her, I just can't. Her glasses are gone, she's friends with a cheerleader, my love is...different. What if she isn't the Brittany I fell in love with? What if the Brittany I knew only existed in those videos?
"I'm fine," I reply after a couple of minutes of silence. "I'm just tired," I tell her. I'm not just tired because I need to sleep, I'm tired because of everything. I'm sick.
"I understand that," Brittany says quietly. "We can cuddle together if you want. W-we don't even have to talk, just please let me in so I can see you." She sniffles. I'm suddenly alert. Brittany's crying.
I can't see her. I really can't. I have done so many bad things over the years, all because of my love. I'm not blaming her or anything, that wouldn't be fair, but she's the reason behind everything. I killed Mr. Schuester because he upset Brittany. I threatened Chad because I thought he liked Brittany. I attacked Lexi because of...
Brittany.
It all comes back to her. Everything I am, and everything I have done, is all because of Brittany.
"Santana, I need to see you," Brittany cries.
"I can't," I whisper, tears now streaming down my face. "I can't see you." I make sure I'm quiet so she can't hear my words. It hurts to shut Brittany out, but I don't want to face her right now. I need time. I need distance. I just need to be fucking free from all of this shit.
"Santana, I love you," Brittany sobs. My heart breaks every time I hear her voice. She sounds so sad right now. What makes it worse is that I know I'm the reason behind her sadness.
Then again, she's the reason behind my sadness.
We're all fucking sad.
Brittany continues. "I love you, no matter what, always remember that I love you." I still can't seem to move from the bed. It's like I'm stuck. "I don't like it when we argue, and I don't like what's happening right now, but I really need to see you. I'm so worried."
Don't be worried, just go.
Minutes go by, and then I hear Brittany completely break down. She knows I'm not going to open the door. She knows that she wont see me tonight, and worst of all, she knows something is wrong. I hear footsteps on the landing, and then everything goes quiet.
Brittany has left.
"I love you too," I whisper, the tears still streaming down my face as I close my eyes one more time.
The next morning I wake up feeling even worse than I did the night before. My heads killing, I have a hangover, and to make matters worse, I don't know where I stand with Brittany. Is she really mad at me? Last night I had a dream about her, well I say a dream, I really mean a nightmare. It wasn't scary or anything, but she left me. I suppose that makes it terrifying then. In the dream I ended up doing something really bad, something so bad that Brittany ended up leaving me. Dreams are just dreams, but this dream was different, this dream could actually come true. If Brittany knew about my past, everything I've done, she would leave me, just like she did in the dream. Maybe she's already left me, maybe last night was the final straw.
Am I a bad girlfriend?
I think I'm a bad girlfriend. I know I would never win the girlfriend of the year award. After all I haven't done much good in the time I've been with Brittany. I've either been crazy or...crazy. Fuck, I'm the crazy girlfriend. I'm protective, and I easily get jealous, but then again, I would never cheat on Brittany, so I can't be that bad. Cheating has never even crossed my mind. I know I'm hurting her at the moment, though. We argued, she cried, I upset her.
Perhaps I don't deserve her.
I sometimes think about my life without Brittany in it. I actually can't imagine it. It's none existent. All I can see is darkness, nothing else. I can't imagine her not being here. I had a life before Brittany, but I just can't picture it anymore. Is that normal? For years it's only been her, I don't know what I would do if she suddenly wasn't here anymore. How could I possibly get on with life?
Perhaps Brittany doesn't deserve me.
Now thinking about it, Brittany's lucky to have me. I'm sick of putting myself down all the time. I'm a good fucking girlfriend, aren't I? I murdered a man because he upset my love. How many people would do that, huh? I also compliment her every day. I listen to her stories, I'm supportive, I even make her smile. I try to the be the best person I can be. Jesus Christ, I even went into a mental institution just so I could get help and me and Brittany could live happily ever after.
When's the last time you did something like that?
Maybe Brittany just wants a normal girlfriend. Maybe I'm not what she needs right now. I've caused her so much pain. I've done so many stupid things, maybe Brittany doesn't want someone like that. Could Brittany just want a sane girlfriend who likes school and shares the same interests? I'm not 100% sane, and I don't exactly like school, but I do like her.
I love her.
Brittany's my girlfriend, and no matter what I have done, she still always chooses me. I went into a mental institution and she was still proud to call me her girlfriend. I'm lucky to have someone like that in my life. She's lucky to have someone who loves her so much in her life. If there's one thing I'm sure about, it's that no one will ever love her as much as I do. I might do crazy things, but the love I have for her, it's so much more than anything else.
We're both lucky, right?
I'm sick of thinking, I think too much. I reluctantly crawl out bed and throw on a pair of dark jeans and a tank top. I can't be bothered to change into my cheerios uniform, today I just want to be Santana. Normal Santana. I then plait my hair before applying a small amount of makeup to my face. When I'm all ready, I leave the bedroom and head downstairs. I just hope Lexi doesn't give me any grief, I'm not in the mood for a lecture today.
The smell of bacon immediately hits me when I enter the kitchen.
"I made breakfast," I hear someone say in a small voice. I turn my head to find Brittany sitting at the table with two plates in front of her.
She's here. My love is here. She didn't go home last night.
There's so much I could say to her, so much I want to say to her. I could apologize and tell her how sorry I am for everything. I could kiss her passionately and forget about everything that's happened. I could even tell her how much I love her. But instead, as I look at my love, only one thing slips out of my mouth.
"You're not wearing your glasses."
Brittany sighs, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She looks upset. Oh god, I've done it again. What is it with me upsetting Brittany lately? Why can't I ever just say the right thing? "Does it matter?" Brittany asks in an even smaller voice.
"Yes," I blurt out, without thinking.
Brittany shakes her head. "Santana, I can't understand why this is bothering you so much. It's a pair of glasses, why do you care?"
"Because it's a part of you," I tell her, still making no attempt to move. "You're perfect, and I don't understand why you would want to be anything less than perfect."
Brittany lowers her head. She bites her tongue, trying to hold back from saying something. "We shouldn't even be having a conversation about this," Brittany says. "It's a pair of glasses, it isn't be a big deal."
"It's a big deal to me," I reply, frowning.
"But why?" Brittany asks. I don't think she understands why it's so important to me.
Change, I hate it.
"It just is," I shrug.
Brittany rubs her forehead. I think she's getting a headache too. "Santana, contact lenses are better for me. My glasses were always breaking, and they were stopping me from doing so many things," she says. I don't think that's true. Glasses don't stop you. Brittany quickly continues before I can say anything. "It's nice knowing that no one can knock these off my face. I don't have to walk around blind, I can just-"
"You can just what, Brittany?" I snap, slamming my hand down on the counter, startling my love. "You can be just like everyone else? Huh? Is that what you want?"
"Yes," Brittany swallows. "I can just fit in."
I shake my head, this isn't Brittany talking. I know this isn't the girl I fell in love with. "What's suddenly changed your mind?" I ask. "You've always had glasses, and you've never had a problem with it before, so what's changed?"
"You," Brittany whispers.
What? I'm not quite understanding. "Me? I don't understand, you're going to have to explain this to me."
"Well, I never thought I'd ever be in a relationship with someone as popular as you. I guess not wearing glasses makes me feel a little less nerdy. I fit in." She says.
I'm still fucking confused.
"That doesn't make any sense," I tell her.
"You could have any girl you wanted, and you still chose me. I suppose a part of me is scared that one day you're going to find someone...better than me," she says. What? Brittany thinks one day I would leave her?
I shake my head furiously, that's not right. "That's bullshit, you know how much I love you, if anything I'm the one who should be worried about you leaving me one day!"
"I would never leave you," Brittany says quickly.
I laugh. "Oh really?" I grit my teeth. "Is that why you said if I ever went back to my old ways you would be straight out of the door?"
"I don't want to be reminded of that," she hisses.
"Why not?" I ask, not wanting to drop the subject.
"Santana, just stop!" Brittany snaps. "You are so fucking unbelievable! I came here to sort of things out. Last night you had me worried sick. Do you realize how much you put me through? I-I thought you were..." Brittany pauses for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I just wanted to talk, and instead all you go on about is a pair of glasses," she says in a calmer voice.
"Well, your eyes are smaller when you're not wearing glasses," I mumble.
Brittany closes her eyes. "You just can't let it go, can you?"
"No, I can't let it go," I tell her. "Besides, I'm not even popular," I shrug.
"You are popular," Brittany says.
I'm really not popular. Popular people have lots of friends, I don't have that, I can count how many friends I have on one hand. Actually, I can count how many friends I have on two fingers. "Yes, I'm popular. That's why I have two friends, you and Lexi. Well, I can't class you as a friend because really you're my girlfriend, so yeah, I have one friend."
"No, you have lots of friends but you don't realize it because you choose to ignore them," Brittany says. "There's always Tina and Mercedes."
"They're your friends, not mine," I tell her, shaking my head. "I also hope you're not referring to the 'friends' who beat the shit out of you," I add, clenching my fists. Even thinking about them makes me furious.
Brittany sighs. "Lets just calm down, we need to have a serious conversation."
"About what?" I ask.
Brittany runs her fingers through her long blonde hair. "Could you sit down please?"
I sit down at the table opposite Brittany. "Okay, lets talk," I say calmly.
"What's going on with you?" She asks. Oh no, she's going to ask, I know she is. "Santana, are you having problems again? D-do you think you need to speak to a therapist or someone?"
"You think I'm crazy, don't you?" I gasp.
"No!" Brittany says quickly, her eyes widening. "That's not what I'm saying at all. I just think that in a way you're going back to the old you. You know, the unhealthy, different you."
I'm not going crazy. "Are you still looking for Mr. Schuester?" I ask hesitantly. Please say no.
"Of course we are," Brittany says, disappointing me. It's only a matter of time before they find him. I might as well pack my bags, Prison here I come. "However, we have reason to believe he is living in a different state."
"What?" I frown. How can Mr. Schuester be in a different state? I know exactly where he is.
"Yeah, we got a phone call this morning, apparently some of his stuff was found in New York, not sure why he would be there but you know, he's always wanted to live there. We still can't understand why he didn't say goodbye though, that's a mystery," Brittany says.
Mr. Schuester is in Lima. 100%. "So...can you just drop all of this now? Lets just move on and forget about everything."
"We're not dropping it completely, Santana," Brittany says, shaking her head. "It still would be nice to see him again, but I don't think the police are going to help much. Those evil people don't care about anything but themselves."
"At least you know he's not dead," I mumble. I just hope she believes that the man is still alive. It would be better that way.
"I suppose," Brittany mumbles back. "There's still something I can't figure out, but I guess in a way you were right about what you said yesterday. I can't put my life on hold to look for him, I just can't do that. It isn't fair."
"Exactly!" I exclaim. Yes, I think things are actually looking good. "You have to carry on living your life, you can't just stop because a teacher moves to a different state."
"It isn't exactly that simple, though," Brittany says. "He just got up and left, it's just weird the way it happened."
"Well, he always wanted to go on an adventure," I say, continuing to convince my love.
Brittany leans forward on her elbows, glaring at me. "What's going on?" She asks.
"Nothings going on," I lie.
There's silence for a moment. It looks like Brittany is trying to work something out. "Your mood has changed quickly," she points out.
"What do you mean? It hasn't changed at all," I argue.
"You were angry yesterday, angry just a few minutes ago, then I tell you that Mr. Schuester could be in New York, and all of a sudden you're relieved," she says, still glaring at me. "Why have you got that happy look on your face? I have a feeling there's something you're not telling me."
Oh god, she knows. She knows! "I'm not hiding anything from you," I lie again.
"Yes you are," Brittany states.
"I'm not," I mumble, playing with my fingers, unable to look my love in the eye. "I'm just happy that he's alive and following his dreams by moving to New York. It's a great place."
"You hate him," Brittany says quickly. I immediately shake my head, trying to disagree. "Yes, don't call me a liar. I know you've hated that man since the day you met him. Don't sit there and lie to me. Something is going on and I want to know what."
I gulp nervously. "You'll hate me," I tell her.
"Talk to me," Brittany demands.
I can't tell Brittany about everything that has happened. I'll go to prison, I'll lose her, I can't let that happen. I'm sick of telling lies, making up stories just so I don't get caught out, but I know it's necessary. I have to lie to this person in front of me, I have to lie if I want to keep her. Looking at Brittany right now is making me wonder something, is she really the same Brittany? I'm worried in case the Brittany I fell in love with, the Brittany I videotaped and collected pictures of, is not the same Brittany that is sitting in front of me. Am I just clinging on to something in the past? What if this isn't her? Jesus Christ, I need to stop having these thoughts. I should just go upstairs and masturbate while thinking about my Brittany who wore glasses. That's what I should do.
"Who are you?" I ask, finally looking into Brittany's eyes. "Seriously, who are you?"
Brittany opens and closes her mouth a couple of times. She's confused. "What do you mean?" She says seconds later. "I'm me, Brittany. Your girlfriend."
"You're different," I tell her.
"I'm not different!" Brittany shouts furiously. "Please, just stop saying that I'm different. I'm exactly the same person I've always been."
"So, you've always wore contact lenses? You've always been friends with a cheerleader. Oh, you've always drank alcohol!" I shout.
"Damn it, Santana!" Brittany screams, slamming her hand down on the table. "That's a part of growing up. Things change, you know that. But I'm not different. Inside I'm still the same person I've always been. I'm so sick of having this conversation. I feel like you're just repeating yourself over and over again. What are you trying to do? Do you want us to break up or something?" She asks.
"I don't want us to break up," I say quickly. That's the last thing I would ever want.
"Then stop pushing me away, just stop doing this," Brittany cries.
"I'm not doing anything," I whisper.
Brittany frowns at me. "You're crazy if you think that."
I'm crazy?
"Santana, I-I didn't mean to call you crazy. I'm just so tired of this," she says softly.
"I'm more tired, believe me," I reply, standing up and walking out of the kitchen.
I tried to avoid Brittany for most of the day. I know avoiding her is wrong. She's my girlfriend and I should be looking after her, not ignoring her. But a part of me just needs to stay away. I have so many problems right now, and as much as it kills me to say this, Brittany is most of my problems. I'm terrible, I know. Not only that, but I'm actually afraid to be around her. I have a feeling I'm going to pull out a camera and start taking pictures of her. Either that or I'll end up raiding her locker and stealing something to masturbate over. It wouldn't be the first time I've done that.
I don't trust myself. I know I have a dark side and I think that's one of the reasons I am the way I am. Perhaps I don't have friends because I'm too afraid of being around them. Of course I wouldn't hurt Brittany, but I almost hurt Lexi. Can you imagine me making friends and one day they say something mean about my girlfriend? I don't think that would go down well.
I think I'm just mixing all of my problems together now, I can't even think properly. I blame Brittany for walking into my life. I blame my mom for dropping dead and making me crazy. I blame Brittany once again for...I guess whatever I say I'm blaming my love for. It isn't fair, but over the years everything I have done is because of her. I just need to stop thinking.
I hate being a cheerleader. After school I walk across the field and decide to sit on the bleachers, it's better than taking part, I don't want to be surrounded by all of those bitches who beat up my love. I'm too distracted by my thoughts that I don't even notice Lexi sitting next to me.
"What's wrong?" Lexi asks. "Just talk to me. Whatever you say will stay between us."
"I've done a lot of bad things," I tell my friend. "Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had never met Brittany. I just feel...angry. I would never have ended up in a mental institution, I wouldn't have hurt most people in the school, and I know for a fact I wouldn't have..."
"I don't want to know what you've done," Lexi says quickly, interrupting me. "Are you trying to say that a part of you blames Brittany for the way you've acted in the past?"
I nod my head, feeling incredibly selfish. How could I blame this on my girlfriend? Still, I have to be honest. "After my mom died I couldn't cope, which is why I followed Brittany all over, it was like a distraction."
"But, this wasn't random, was it?" Lexi asks, quirking an eyebrow. "Something drew you towards Brittany. You didn't just look around and think to yourself 'I think I'll follow this random person.' You felt a connection with her."
"I've always been attracted to her, ever since I first laid eyes on her," I tell my friend.
"Exactly," Lexi nods. "Which is why I think you should stop being a fucking idiot and appreciate the fact that the girl you fell in love with all those years ago, she's yours, completely. If you keep thinking about the past you're going to fucking ruin yourself."
Here she goes.
"No one is perfect, we all have our dark days, you probably more than others, but still, that's just the way it is. You were crazy because of something that happened to you. If you didn't turn into creepy Santana, then you and Brittany wouldn't be a thing."
"And people would be safe," I argue back.
"Why can't you just think positively? You've done bad things in the past and you need to fucking move on from all of that shit because guess what? You can't change anything that you've done. Just know that right now you have everything you need, you have your girl, stop trying to fuck it up."
"If I never met Brittany things would be different," I say to Lexi, trying to get her to understand. "If we had never met, peoples lives would be different."
"Do you see this scar on my forehead?" Lexi asks, pointing to the very visible scar.
"Yes, I can see it," I nod.
"Two years ago I was in a car crash, a pretty serious one," Lexi tells me, tears forming in her eyes. "Me and the girls were drunk, really drunk, and we decided to drive around town. A little girl was running down the street when suddenly she ran out into the road."
"What happened to her?" I ask softly.
"Well, I was too drunk to hit the brakes in time. It wasn't until her body was flattened under the car that I actually realized what I had done," Lexi says, tears now streaming down her face. "I killed the little girl."
"Oh my god," I gasp. "Jesus, I...w-what did the cops says?" I ask, curious to know.
"They knew it was an accident, they also knew I wasn't speeding or anything," Lexi says, looking down at the ground. "However, what they didn't know was that I was completely drunk."
"Did they not check to see if you had been drinking or something?" I ask.
Lexi shakes her head. "The perks of having a mom as a police officer." She sighs. "Every day I feel guilty. Every day I think about what happened, and I always tell myself that if I hadn't been driving that night, the little girl would still be alive. Those thoughts are never going to go away, I just have to find a way to be happy."
"Oh," I mumble. "I'm sorry about what happened, that must have been awful."
Lexi nods her head. "I swear that little girl haunts me every night," she says seriously. "I deserve it, I know I do. My point is, we all have things we're ashamed of. You've done really bad things, but you need to get on with your life. You can't change the past so just try to have a positive future. Learn from your mistakes, and be grateful that your still alive. Be glad that you have your girlfriend, the person you've wanted for years."
"I don't want to lose her," I whisper.
"Then stop being so fucking weird," Lexi shrugs. "If Brittany wants to wear contact lenses, let her, don't try and stop her, it's not the end of the world. Just remember that Brittany is the same Brittany she has always been."
"So, you don't think she's changed?" I ask.
Lexi shakes her head. "She hasn't changed, you're just a lot more saner now, which is why you're noticing a few more things," she says. I suppose that makes sense a little bit. "She's still the girl you fell in love with, so don't push her away."
"I'm not going to be push her away," I tell my friend.
"Good," Lexi nods.
"Lexi, why did you never tell me about the little girl you knocked over?" I ask nervously.
Lexi smiles weakly. "The same reason you haven't told me all of your dark secrets," she says quietly. "No one likes to be judged."
"I understand," I tell her, nodding my head. "I think I should go to Brittany's, I need to apologize. I have to make things right."
Lexi smiles. "She's in the choir room, Glee club is back on."
"Thank you, friend." I smile back.
I run to the choir room, not bothering to look back when coach Sue calls my name. I don't care about her right now, all I care about is my love. I know this sounds really weird, but I'm actually glad I'm not the only person who has problems. Now that I'm thinking about it, we all have secrets, every single one of us. Lexi's right, I need to move past this. I will never be able to forget what I have done, but I can at least try and make up for it by living a good life.
I guess change is a good thing, sometimes. Crazy Santana did all of that stuff, and I'm not her anymore. I'm sane, so I shouldn't keep punishing myself. some would say I deserve to spend the rest of my life in prison for what I have done, but trust me, the guilt will never leave me. I guess I will always suffer, and I accept that.
I open the choir room door and rush inside. "Brittany, I need to talk to you," I say breathlessly, hurrying over to the piano where she is standing.
"Santana, is something-"
Before Brittany can say anything, I press my lips against hers. I can hear all the gasps, whispers, and what the fucks, but I don't care about what they think. I want to kiss my girlfriend, and I will. We kiss passionately for a couple of minutes, only pulling away when the need for air becomes all too much. Brittany's panting heavily, such a turn on.
"Brittany, I don't want those pictures, those videos, any of that stuff from the past, I just want you," I tell her, taking her hand into my own. "I've been horrible for a while now, and I'm honestly so sorry. I just think too much and a part of me has just blamed you for everything. That was wrong, I shouldn't blame you for anything because everything I have done is because of me. It's only my fault."
"Santana-"
"No, please," I interrupt her before she can say anything. "I just need you to know that I'm sorry for everything. I promise that from now on I'm going to be the best girlfriend in the world. I'm going to make friends, I'm going to take you places, I'm going to be nothing but the best. I promise."
There's tears in my eyes. I'm trying to stop them from falling but it's actually really hard, this is making me emotional. Looking at Brittany right now, I can see she also has tears in her eyes. We're such emotional bastards.
"Brittany, I'm going to continue to get help," I tell her, wiping the tears away from her face. "I know I'm better now, but last night I kind of relapsed a little bit. I don't how to put it but I went a little bit crazy. I understand that I need help, professional help, and I'm just hoping that you will support me, like you have always done."
Brittany nods her head, choking on her cries. "Of course I'll be here to support you. I'm just so happy you've decided to get help again. I'm so proud of you, sweetheart," Brittany says, cupping my cheek and kissing me passionately on the lips.
"C-can we just start over for like the 100th time?" I ask, laughing slightly.
Brittany nods again. "Yes, we can," she says.
"Wait a minute," Mercedes says, getting our attention. I look over to Brittany's friend who is sitting amongst the other Glee club members, all looking confused. "You and Brittany are a thing?"
"Yeah," Brittany laughs, kissing me on the lips again. "We're not just friends."
"I knew Santana was too far up your ass for a reason," Tina joins in. I can't help but laugh, I don't think I can argue with that.
I turn my attention back to my love. "I don't care who knows about us. I'm so proud to be your girlfriend," I tell her.
"I'm so proud too," Brittany says, smiling. "How about we go back to mine? Mom and dad are out," Brittany winks.
"Oh yes," I say immediately.
We made love for hours, and I'm pretty sure we'll end up making love again later tonight. We're currently lying in Brittany's bed, just holding each other.
"I'm glad you're wearing your glasses again, you really do look so cute," I tell my love, looking into her eyes.
Brittany blushes. "The contact lenses were irritating my eyes. I guess you were right, they weren't for me," she laughs.
I laugh. I'm so happy she's still the girl I fell in love with all of those years ago.
"Are we ever going to talk about the whole Mr. Schuester thing, we never finished that conversation," Brittany asks softly.
I freeze in Brittany's arms, not this again. "Brittany, do you remember the conversation we had not that long ago, the one where I said I was a monster and that?" Brittany nods her head. "Back then you said you didn't want to know what I had done, because the past is in the past, I'm not that person anymore."
"Okay?" She says, confused.
"I think we should keep that conversation in the past," I tell her. "It's not that I don't want to talk about it with you, it's just I'm a little scared, I don't want to bring it up. I really don't want to lose you."
"I really liked that man, Santana," Brittany says quietly, planting a kiss on my forehead.
"I'm sorry," I whisper. This time, I mean it. I've never been more sorry in my entire life.
"I know you are," Brittany replies. "I guess I can just forget about it, if that's what you think is best."
I close my eyes. "I love you."
Brittany kisses me again. "I love you," she says back.
There's silence for a couple of minutes, then I hear the sound of Brittany's stomach rumbling. "I'm starving, want to order a pizza?" Brittany asks, climbing out of bed and grabbing a menu from her desk. She starts dialing a number and then asks me, "what kind of pizza do you want?"
I smile widely, as if my love even has to ask. "I'll have a pepperoni pizza."