Doomsday: Post Apocalypse
a Torchwood story
by RoadrunnerGER
Dislaimer: Oh, really! They're the BBC's.
Summary: Ianto comes to Cardiff for a week to help with the archives, but is it as simple as that? Jack/OC, Jack?Ianto
Suspense/hurt/comfort – T – Ianto Jones & Jack Harkness
A/N: OMG, time's really flying, isn't it? I'm sorry. Life changes and right now I'm glad that I could get this chapter up. I want to write more regularly, but who can tell what comes up next? So for now… Enjoy!
Chapter 26 –A study in empathy
Despite having spent half of the night talking, Ianto was the first one in the next morning. Favouring Jack with only a nod, he strode straight to the stairs that led up to the gantry, where he set about making coffee.
Toshiko came in next. Looking down at where she settled at her workstation to check on a program she had left running over night filled Ianto with anxiety. It confused him because he did not find the situation to be so awkward. Filling three mugs with the first fresh brew, Ianto went down to the work area.
"Thank you, Ianto," Toshiko said, offering him a shy smile as she accepted the coffee.
"Thank you as well," he murmured and was overwhelmed by a sense of embarrassment. Ianto found it hard to keep his hands steady and he had to take a deep, calming breath. Still he felt the need to express himself, so he continued, "I don't know what got into me last night. I just felt so… bereft. I'm grateful for your kindness. I don't know how I would have made it through last night alone. I… I realize you were just trying to comfort me and… that you don't really think of me that way, but I'm glad it was you who was there for me."
There he had to stop. Instead of releasing the tension, it seemed to make things worse. At least Toshiko was looking at him out of wide, dark eyes and an expression that bordered on panic. Suddenly, she averted her eyes and hid behind her coffee mug.
"Ah, fresh coffee!" Jack cheered as he stepped up beside Ianto. Grinning broadly he teased, "Can I safely assume that one of these two is for me?"
"Yes, sir," Ianto confirmed, holding the mug out for the captain. He did not think that their boss had overheard their conversation, but he became equally embarrassed as he clearly felt jealousy pass through him. Strangely, it was not his own. Ianto could only presume that it was the captain's and he struggled with getting rid of the emotion.
How's that happening? Usually I need to consciously reach out to sense anything from others.
Confused, Ianto slowly went to the sofa opposite the workstations and sat down. He could feel Jack's gaze on him and hear Toshiko type. Grabbing a magazine from the chest-table, he used it to hide.
Which did not quite work with Jack. The captain leaned against Owen's desk now and watched Ianto. Of course, he knew why the younger man pretended to be immersed in his reading, but he sensed that something was wrong and was determined to find out what it was.
Not that Tosh and Ianto spent the night together, Jack thought with another surge of jealousy. It's something else. I can feel it. I need to keep an eye on him.
"The others are late, again" Jack sighed and took another sip of his coffee. "This really is addictive, Ianto," he praised as he pushed himself off the workstation. "Do you have enough to take a thermos or two with us?"
"Sure," Ianto nodded with a tentative, professional smile that instantly made Jack fall back to his flirting.
"Oh, my gorgeous Welshman, you're magnificent."
His intention was to lighten the mood, but his comment had the opposite effect. All of a sudden, Ianto's smile fell from his face and he turned an ugly shade of grey. At least that was what Jack thought he saw just before the young man darted to the tunnel in pursuit of the locker rooms.
"What did I do wrong?" Jack blurted out, ready to follow him. A gentle hand on his arm stopped him. Confused, he looked around to Toshiko. "Shouldn't I have said gorgeous?"
"I think you shouldn't have said Welshman," she softly replied.
If anything, Jack looked even more puzzled. The question why burned inside of him, but he sensed that he would not get an answer from his computer expert. The strongest hint he got was the wave of grief and pain just before Ianto ran away. It had to have to do with Lisa somehow.
"You were with him last night, right?" he finally asked and was surprised to see her flush crimson. "I didn't mean to insinuate anything," Jack rushed to say. Actually, he did not have to. The moment Ianto had entered the Hub, he knew that he had been sexually active over night and when Toshiko came in, he had a pretty good picture in mind. His only regret was that it could not be him who was there for Ianto. With a heavy heart, he carefully prodded, "Just tell me if he talked to you."
"Yes," she simply said.
"Good," Jack nodded.
Toshiko eyed him curiously. The captain clearly was not as content as he pretended to appear.
"Are you okay, Jack?"
"Yeah…" he drawled and was glad when the proximity alert blared and the cog door rolled open to let Suzie and Owen in. He used the opportunity to escape to his office.
xXx
Silence reigned inside the black SUV that rolled along the M4 to London. Neither of the two men felt compelled to break it. While Ianto just stared ahead and tried to make sense of his emotions, Jack had to concentrate on the traffic.
What disturbed Ianto deeply was that he could feel the jealousy and disappointment roll off Jack in waves… without having to concentrate on it. On the contrary, he could not manage to shield himself against it. Beginning to worry earnestly, he tried to recall what he had been taught at Torchwood One about psychic shielding, but no matter how hard he tried, it still did not work.
Aside from being troubled about the empathic intrusion, Ianto was irritated about the fact that Jack was jealous and disappointed. So far, he had thought that all of the flirtatious posturing originated from the captain's irrepressible libido. To him it always appeared like an act that Jack put on because everyone expected such behaviour from him. Only when Ydris talked to him about Jack, did he realize that he had misjudged the older man's intentions.
What's his motivation?
Ianto was not sure of it and even though he had enjoyed the game, Ianto now wondered if it had been wise when he played along.
If Jack's interest really goes beyond a date, and I don't mean a friendly shag either, it's wrong to encourage him. I can't think about anything serious. Not after…
At that, his thought process faltered. Images of Lisa flashed before his inner eye and a dizzying agitation filled him. Closing his eyes, he fought the scarily real feeling of being pursued. Or was he the pursuer? He could not tell. His head throbbed, though, and he leaned it against the cool window.
"Ianto?" Jack carefully asked. "Is everything okay?" He glanced at the younger man who looked a bit green around the gills. "Shall I stop?"
"No," Ianto moaned. "I'm fine. Just leave me be for a bit, all right?"
"Sure," Jack agreed with a hint of regret. Knowing what troubled the younger man, he wanted nothing but help, which he could not do if Ianto did not let him in. Perforce, he kept driving until they reached the street where Lisa and Ianto had shared an apartment.
Patiently, Jack waited for Ianto who was so distracted that he did not even notice that they had arrived. As far as Jack was concerned, he could have waited forever if they were not on a schedule. Taking a deep breath, he asked Ianto if he still wanted to go to the flat. Startled, Ianto almost frantically scrambled out of the car.
When Jack followed Ianto inside, he could feel the younger man's stress level shoot up. He was pretty certain that Ianto's heart was hammering against his ribs when he unlocked the door to let them in. While the Welshman purposefully strode to open the windows, the captain lingered at the open entrance, which took Ianto a couple of minutes to notice.
"What are you waiting for?"
"You didn't invite me in," Jack shrugged with a sheepish smile.
Dramatically, Ianto rolled his eyes at how ridiculous that seemed. "You actually need an invitation?"
For more than just entering your flat, Jack thought as he stepped over the threshold and closed the door. But it's a start. Carefully, he used his mental talent to reach out for Ianto and bounced back from the amount of anxiety that filled him. Seeing how forlorn he stood right in the middle of the living room, Jack longed to go to him and offer him the best comfort he knew. After last night's events, though, he was less than certain that he would be welcome.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" Jack softly asked.
Still he startled Ianto with his request. The young man's head whipped around and he stared at Jack as if he was stunned by not being alone.
"You could stay here," Jack offered. "I could pick you up on…"
"No!" Ianto vigorously cut him short. "No, I need to do that."
Jack nodded his consent. "All right."
Furtively, Jack glanced at his wrist strap. They still had about an hour to get to Canary Wharf in time, but had to go through half of London. Despite feeling the pressure, Jack refrained from forwarding it to Ianto.
"I'll have to cancel the rental agreement," the Welshman murmured to himself. "I can't afford it on my own."
"You don't need to decide that now," Jack said, forming a plan in his mind, "while you're…"
"Don't!" Ianto barked, taking the captain totally by surprise. "It's my responsibility, not yours!"
"I didn't say…" Jack started only to be interrupted again.
"I don't need your money!" Ianto frayed. At the same time, he neither knew where his knowledge came from nor how to deal with it. "Or your pity! Or whatever else you intend to give to me!"
Jack on the other hand realized that Ianto's helpless agitation rose by the second. In vain, he tried to make contact. The young man simply was too wound up to allow his approach. His untrained mind ricocheted off Ianto's like a bullet from a spinning tire.
"Ianto," he softly murmured, trying to calm him. "Please, listen to me."
"No!" Ianto shouted. "You listen! I don't know what you think happened last night, but it's none of your business! Stay out of my life, okay?"
At that, Jack looked crestfallen. It hurt. His insides constricted with a pain that he recognized instantly. He wanted to deny it, but with every moment he spent longer with Ianto, his feelings grew. By now, he was beyond the point where he could simply shake them off.
It was that pain that finally managed to connect with Ianto.
"Jack?" he asked, insecure. All of a sudden, he looked like a little, frightened boy. Unable to process the emotions that flooded him, he defended his actions, "I didn't mean to hurt you, Jack. It's just… I don't know how to explain. I'm so raw…" he paused, trying to brace himself for the eruption that he was sure would come when he told Jack the truth, "I called Tosh because on some level I knew what might happen and I didn't want it to be you."
Having expected outrage, Ianto was caught on the wrong foot when he saw Jack's features crunch up to a mask of pain. With horror, he felt flooded with distress and realized that Jack took him wrong once more. Sounding somewhat desperate, he tried to save it, "It's… Jack, I didn't want to base whatever might be on comfort sex."
Even though Jack knew what happened, he suddenly found himself incapable of helping because his own emotions ran amok.
"I didn't reject you, Jack," Ianto did his best to explain. "I refused to be put in a horribly awkward situation. I…" The words caught in his throat as he realized right at that moment that they were true, "I want you... but not like that."
"Oh."
Helplessly, all Jack could do was open his arms invitingly, and as Ianto could not sense any hint of dishonesty, he readily stepped into Jack's embrace.
"I just want to help," Jack murmured into Ianto's hair. "Please, let me."
Wrapping his arms around the captain's form beneath the greatcoat, Ianto swallowed a lump of dread.
"I'm scared, Jack," he whispered.
"I know," the captain soothed, holding the young man close. "What you're experiencing can be terrifying. I can guide you if you allow it."
Tightening his hold, Ianto leaned his head against the other man's shoulder.
"I don't know," he mumbled. "I think that I just need time to deal with my grief."
Grief?
That was not exactly what Jack meant.
"But I can do it," Ianto went on before Jack could voice his concerns. "I have to do it. Do you understand?"
"Of course," Jack agreed.
"Just… hold me for a minute longer," Ianto tentatively said. "Okay?"
Anything you want, love.
xXx
Arriving at Canary Wharf, Jack was greeted by a young woman as soon as he parked the Torchwood SUV. She asked him and Ianto to follow her and led the two men to a mobile command centre. As the Welshman climbed up the steps to the truck's loading space, he looked around at what was built up on the plaza in front of the entrances to the tube. A marquee sheltered the guests from the drizzling rain. There were two more tents, probably one for the catering and another for staff or something.
Ianto was grateful that he did not have to enter the tower. Aside from UNIT still working inside, he did not think that he would be able to set foot in the building. It was bad enough to be at Canary Wharf again as it was.
"Jack! Ianto!"
"Alistair!" Jack returned the greeting. "It's good to see you." Carefully, he glanced at Ianto who still lingered at the entrance. Sensing that he had better give him some space, he turned to address the woman who was with the Brigadier, "Who's the beauty at your side?"
"Sarah Jane Smith," the brunette woman introduced herself.
"Oh, marvellous!" Jack cheered, taking her offered hand and blowing a kiss on it. "Sarah Jane, the stuff of legend."
"Oh, really?" she pushed with a challenging smile. "You probably mean the stuff of nightmares."
"What I heard was only the best, my love, only the best," Jack replied with a wink, "We're all part of a very exclusive club after all." Sensing his presence beside him, he added, "Ianto, meet the famous Sarah Jane Smith."
"It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am," the Welshman greeted cordially. He felt somewhat in awe of the woman, knowing the others were referring to the Doctor. She had to be a former companion.
"Ma'am?" she chuckled. "Please, just call me Sarah Jane."
"Yes, ma'am," Ianto automatically replied, which made Jack laugh.
"Don't worry, Sarah Jane," he assured her, "I couldn't make him stop calling me sir either."
"Politeness is not to be laughed at," Ianto hissed in the captain's direction.
"No, it isn't," the brigadier cut in. "Jack told me that you are going to contribute in the service, is that right?"
Ianto was glad for the brigadier's change of subject.
"Yes, sir," he nodded and felt his mouth go dry. At least that's my intention.
Right now, he was not so certain anymore about his ability to step up in front of his colleagues and their friends and families. Actually, he was not sure about anything anymore. Anxiety did not appropriately describe what he felt. In addition, he got a headache.
"Are you all right?" Jack asked.
"Huh?"
"You seem so distracted," the captain said. "Everything okay?"
"I'm fine," Ianto lied. "Just thinking about the service and… being here…" he choked. "It's like, I don't know, like I wasn't away at all."
"I know what you mean," Jack nodded and gently steered him to the open door so he could breathe some fresh air. "Do you need anything? A drink of water? Anything to soothe your nerves?"
"A cigarette," Ianto chuckled humourlessly. "But I promised Lisa to quit, so… no, thanks."
"You smoke?" Jack blurted out with shock. That did not seem like the young Welshman at all.
"Ummm, it was not quite a habit yet," the young Welshman admitted. "Sometimes after dinner, before or after a test… I quit before it could become really addictive."
At that Jack smirked.
"Right, better stick with your fantastic coffee." With the idea his smirk grew even wider. "Talking about it, didn't you say you took a thermos with you?"
Being reminded of his failure, Ianto's features crunched up with remorse.
"Sorry, Jack. I forgot." Tears burned in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I know I promised…"
"Shhh," Jack soothed, putting one hand on Ianto's shoulder. "Never mind. There's something to look forward to then."
Strangely, Jack's compassionate smile put Ianto on edge.
"You know, you look like you sucked on a lemon?" Jack lightly teased.
"Got a headache."
"Probably because you're so tense," Jack murmured, carefully prodding the younger man's shoulder. "Come here."
Gently, he pulled Ianto closer and rested both wrists lightly on his shoulders. With skilled fingers, he began to work the taut muscles in the back of his neck. At first, Ianto resisted, but when he caved to the captain, Jack felt him relax. He saw him close his eyes, which was a pity as he thought that Ianto had gorgeous eyes. He kept up the massage until his ministrations elicited a sound of contentment from deep within Ianto's throat that Jack would have rather expected to hear in bed.
"Promising," he chuckled. "Really promising."
For a second, Ianto stared at Jack with open puzzlement until the penny dropped.
"You just can't help yourself, can you?"
"Nope." Jack grinned like the Cheshire cat.
"Why do you even expect anything better from him?" a new voice mingled in that belonged to Owen. "We were already searching for you. Are you coming?"
"Just a minute," Jack replied and waited until Owen went away. Only then, he turned to Ianto, "Are you ready?"
"I think so," Ianto nodded. "Thank you."
"Anytime," Jack assured him.
"Careful, sir," Ianto tentatively warned, which put a smile on Jack's face.
"All right, son," the brigadier said as he stepped up beside the two men. "Let's pay your people our respect."
He and Sarah Jane accompanied Jack and Ianto to the entrance of the marquee from where they would get straight up onto the stage. As they approached, Ianto felt his anxiety rise again. Taking a deep breath, he tried to steady himself and get rid of the sensation of imminent danger.
With all the UNIT soldiers present, what could happen? We're at a memorial service. Yet anything can go wrong, aliens invade and kill everyone. It happened before and it can happen again. We have nothing to counter it. We'll all die.
In his mind's eye, he saw a long corridor with countless chambers and screams rang in his ears. He could feel the others' agony. They were dying.
Pull yourself together!
Jack was beside him while Sarah Jane and the brigadier had taken place in the first row of chairs. Right next to them sat the three members of Torchwood Three. Toshiko looked compassionate and Owen absent, but the wave of hostility that he felt coming from Suzie took his breath away.
Ianto was vaguely aware that the captain was speaking to him and nodded in confirmation, even though he had no idea what Jack had said. When he followed him onto the stage, he felt like his legs weighed a ton. How he made it to the speaker's desk, he did not know.
Part of him was aware that he took out the papers with his speech and spread the sheets on the desk. Another part of him experienced the whole scene as if through a thick fog. Sounds seemed strangely muffled while he could clearly hear the squealing voice of a Dalek shriek, "Exterminate!" Fear, grief, and rage tightened his chest. Thunderous stomps made the whole stage vibrate and the hissing of hydraulics caused him to jump.
Telling himself that what he was experiencing was his memory running wild, Ianto tried to concentrate on Jack who was still delivering his opening speech. Jealousy filled him at how easily and naturally it seemed to be for the captain. Jack was not just comfortable in front of a big audience, he even thrived on it. An ability that Ianto thoroughly lacked.
Once more, Ianto let his gaze wander over the crowd. Some of them looked up with interest. Most of them, though, seemed to fixate Ianto with penetrating stares. Their irritation and loathing was not just palpable. Ianto could feel it as if they were his own emotions. It robbed him of his breath.
Hearing Jack refer to him, Ianto knew it was his turn. Despite his frantic heartbeat, he began with his speech and felt how it was met with refusal. A fresh wave of rejection washed over him that corded up his throat and made breathing impossible. Feeling his pulse beat in his temples and hearing his blood rush in his ears, Ianto lost focus of the real world and tumbled into a deep well of turmoil.
tbc…