DARTHEMIUS AN!
Darthemius: Hey there, people of Earth! Be sure to tell me if that phrase is as stupid as it sounds…
Anyway nice hearing from myself, it's been a while. Sorry for the delay, guys, but I was just busy drinking, fucking and playing Resident Evil 6. Yeah, me being a fan, I actually managed to enjoy playing that game. In fact, I just don't understand why so many people are bitching about 'the series going downhill'. Most say "Oh! But it's not a horror game anymore!" Well, who gives a crap, I certainly don't. In fact, since I'm so hard to scare, I prefer action games myself.
So! Since I noticed that people actually read my AN's, I thought what the hell, how about I share my thoughts about RE 6. If you don't care, you can just skip to part two of my notes, or to the chapter itself. Well, here goes…
Good parts: 1) First thing of course is that the developers actually managed to add a nice dodging system. Rejoice fans of RE! Now your heroes can actually move while shooting! Not only that, but now they can also roll-dodge any moment instead of just a critical one!
2) The game actually has a plot! I mean come on, RE 5 can be described in just one row! Chris searching for Jill and Wesker during the entire game, killing everything else in his path… Okay, that took a little more than one row, but you got my point. In RE 6 we actually has FOUR main characters, who all pursue individual goals. Not so great you think?! Try to create at least one! I, being an author myself, know that it's not as easy as it sounds. Especially if you want these plot lines to interject at least at some point.
3) Graphics. Of course, graphics deserve an A+ grade. But that came of as no surprise, so I'm not even going to comment on that.
4) Survival gameplay. Yeah, many people whine about RE becoming action instead of horror with automatic aim. What's the matter, can't aim manually?! I enjoy action way much more, but it's not just that! Call me crazy, but I enjoyed it when I was forced to fight bosses with just two bullets in my gun. It's a challenge! And I like challenges in video games, just like in life.
Also a fully thing. RE 5 was called a game that propagandizes racism. That was because through the entire game Chris (white guy) was killing majini (black guys). What's fun is that in RE 6 half of the game you kill Chinese guys. The racism continues? Well, I never cared then and don't care now (I don't care who to kill), but some people will certainly notice.
Still, I the game has some bad points that I did not like very much. So bad points:
1) No Wesker. Yeah, I was devastated in the end of RE 5. I mean come on, guys! The man was the 'Big Bad' throughout the entire series! And they just went and killed him?! Nah, I don't like that. I still had hopes that he would return despite the announcement of his actual death.
2) Long missions. Yeah, even for a pro like me it takes at least an hour to complete a mission properly. No, not just run through it, I mean complete it correctly on S-rank. When I was on my first playthrough with Leon, I was like "When will this fucking mission finally end?!" Yeah, too long. And even if pause it since the time will go on anyway, so you can't stop in the middle and go have some sex!
Well, that's it for bad points. Not much, yeah. I told you, I liked the game. Anyway, I hope I haven't bored you guys too much yet, buuuuut…
DARTHEMIUS AN'S PART TWO!
Yep, that's not a mirage. I haven't updated for a while, so I have much to lay off my chest. Besides, unlike last part this will actually be about Narutoverse!
You see, since I like to read myself. And so I often find myself just moving through pages, looking for a nice story to read. Instead I find only this annoying crap over and over, and over again.
Have you ever had a great desire to slap your forehead real hard when you start reading a story? Well, I already have this desire when I just read a summary! In fact, I was so annoyed by reading this crap that I actually found an entertainment for myself. So without further delay, let me present you:
"DARTHEMIUS'S CLICHÉ CRAP LIST!"
CLICHÉ CRAP NUMBER ONE: During some random event, Naruto finally founds the true reason for being the Hokage! As a result, he gets twenty seven bloodlines and one Chupa Chups! So yeah, now he is powerful enough to manipulate shit through sheer willpower! All he's got to do now is to follow every canon thing there is, only looking way better than the original and also marrying every hot girl he comes across!
SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD HERE.
Okay, seriously people. What is the point of giving Naruto any power and changing absolutely nothing else?! And there are some people who say that 'copying a jutsu with Sharingan is a shortcut!' What don't like shortcuts? Well I think that Naruto's shadow clone training is a MUCH BIGGER shortcut than any Sharingan will ever be.
Okay, I got sidetracked… Yeah, it's a long AN. Bear with me, I haven't had one like that in a while.
CLICHÉ CRAP NUMBER TWO: Naruto returns from his three years training trip in high hopes that Sakura will finally see him as a man. Of course he didn't realize that while he still wears that stupid garbage he calls clothes, it's easier to see a Star Wars galaxy through a binocular. So no wonder that Sakura sends him on his way with one of her trademark punches. That is actually the moment Hinata decided to take her chance! So she comes over and confesses her love for him! Immediately acknowledging her feelings Naruto falls in love with her as well… Some of you are probably slapping your forehead already, but please, let me finish first. Anyway, Naruto and Hinata are happily ever after… But suddenly Sakura realizes with that overgrown head of hers that she actually loved Naruto as well! How will the trio get out of their mess, and how does Sasuke fit into this.
SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD HERE.
Okay, to tell the truth, I would've been slapping my forehead after the first sentence. Of course it's all exaggerated, but be honest, this is the type of fics that holds about 80 percent of any fandom, not just Naruto. I mean come on! During all their love problems our heroes forgot such things like… WAR, TRAINING, SURVIVAL?! And where Sasuke fits?! I'll tell you where he fits if I could have a say in such stories! He simply should sneak in and slay Naruto in his sleep, putting him out of his misery. Of course fluff lovers will say something like: "Then write a story when the war is already over!" Guys, what is the point of writing a story where the war is over?! Besides, I doubt that in Naruto's world it will ever be over. Anyway…
CLICHÉ CRAP NUMBER THREE: Naruto gets angry with Konoha and decides to leave. (A great start, don't you think?) So he gathers his things and actually leaves. (Even better!) And then he succumbs to darkness and acquires unimaginable power! (Great, excellent!) But then he finally understands that this is not his way and… Some of you already know where I'm going with this, right? Anyways, Naruto finally choose his true path! He's going to use the power of darkness to protect his precious people and his home village!
SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD HERE.
Ooooookay… Not much to say about these types of stories, just… People, if you ever write something like that, please state in your summary that the main character will turn good again. Please? And now…
CLICHÉ CRAP NUMBER FOUR: Naruto actually defeats Sasuke in the Valley of the end. And he carried him all the way to Konoha on his back… But unknown to him, Sasuke subtly fucks him in the ass through the entire trip. And when Naruto finally returns back to the village he learns that HEis PREGNANT! What will he do?
SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD HERE.
No mystery in that. He will hang himself right next to me if I ever open a story like that. Shit, people! My head already hurts from telling this but BWEAH! How can someone actually find anything beautiful in two guys making out?! Besides, can't those idiots finally realize that MEN CAN'T GET PREGNANT! No matter what you do! Thank the hell that I live in Saint-Petersburg and here we have a law that states: "Public display of homosexuality is a crime!" I hate to say it, but I love my government!
Whew, that took a while. Okay, you're probably bored beyond help, but hey! You could just skip through everything like I suggested!
Aaaaaaaand here it is! Enjoy!
...
Chapter twenty six: A good enough reason.
"Shin-ne!" – talks.
'Nah.' – thoughts.
"You will." – demonic/jutsu.
...
Orochimaru's hideout…
"So, what is that big bad plan of yours you were hiding from us for so long?" One white haired teen asked with a smirk.
"I agree with Suigetsu." Karin nodded. "We already gave you our support, Sasuke. At least tell us the truth."
Said Uchiha rolled his eyes in disdain. 'Fine, you asked for it, stupid bitch.' He concluded. "Very well. My goal was, is, and always has been… the destruction of Jin Kisaragi."
Three pairs of eyes widened.
"A-Are you serious?!" Suigetsu exclaimed in shock. "Shit, you are…" He sighed. "Look, it's a bad idea, Sasuke. That motherfucker is tough."
"I agree with Suigetsu on this." A large orange haired teen stated. "Even Kimimaro couldn't beat him at his best, and Kimimaro is… was the strongest person I have known."
"Yeah, listen to Juugo, man! That asshole will take us all out before we even know what happened! Right, Karin?"
"…"
"Karin?" Suigetsu turned to the only girl in group and frowned. "Oh, damn…"
"Now you see why I've been hiding my intentions?" Sasuke asked, folding his arms over his chest.
"No… No…" Karin was mumbling repeatedly, standing on her knees and shaking constantly.
Flashback. About seven years ago…
It was wrong to say that Karin was afraid of darkness. No, she was raised in it, she grew up in it. So she actually became quite familiar with dark places like dungeons or basements.
Yet she was always afraid. No, not afraid of darkness… afraid of what's in darkness. Shadows can hide you, yes. But they can also hide many other things as well.
And Karin had no one to watch her back. She was not fortunate enough to have a loving family, or dependable friends. Even when she was in the orphanage, children always tried to stay away from her for some reason. Of course, they were children… they couldn't understand.
You see, ever since she was a child, Karin had a magnificent gift. She could sense people, their presence and emotions. And sometimes even thoughts.
But other children were afraid of Karin and her gift, so they distanced themselves from her. In fact, even adults became weary of her abilities and… And they decided to take actions.
However it was not meant to be… for in one night the orphanage was burned to the ground and all inhabitants killed or imprisoned… All but one.
Fortunately for Karin, the leader of the murderers saw girl's potential and took her in. The fortune was not so great though. That person was none other than Orochimaru.
Still, Karin felt wonderful. She felt great! For the first time in her life, she was not feared for being different. On the contrary, Orochimaru wanted her for her gift! And even if things he did were… unethical at best, Karin was still happy to be there.
Until one day…
"Will he live, Orochimaru-sama?" Twelve year old Karin asked excitedly.
The snake master looked down at her, smiling gently… well, as gently as he could.
"He will. And it's all to your magnificent power, Karin."
"Really?!" Girl's eyes lit up. "I'm so happy I could help!"
"Hmhmhm…" Orochimaru chuckled. "And I'm happy for your enthusiasm. Now I need you to do something for me, Karin."
"Anything, Orochimaru-sama!"
"Go and fetch Rattlesnake. I need to show him this." The sannin said, looking back to his experiment… patient.
"Rattlesnake?" Karin asked in confusion.
"Ah, you haven't met him yet I see." Orochimaru now sounded greatly amused for some reason. 'I wonder how that'll turn out.'
"Nope, I haven't."
"Go to the farthest room on the right. Just be careful, it's dark there."
"Don't worry, Orochimaru-sama!" Karin cheered. "I will use my sense!" And with that she ran out of the room, missing a cruel grin on Orochimaru's face.
Now to his credit, the old snake didn't lie. Light was almost non-existent in this part of the dungeon. Still, Karin had not problems moving in total darkness, so she managed to find the room pretty quickly.
"Well…" Karin gulped and raised her hand to knock. "Here goes."
KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.
"Hmm? Who the hell is this?" A deep annoyed voice came from the other side. For some reason it made Karin greatly nervous.
"I-I…" The girl gulped again. "O-Orochimaru-s-sama sent me… He… he said he wanted…"
"I can't hear you for shit." The voice interrupted. "Come inside and say again."
"O-Okay…" Karin took a deep breath and opened the door… only to find herself unable to move anymore. 'W-Who is this person?!' She thought in horror. 'His chakra… it's so vile… so evil.'
"Well?" Two red eyes suddenly stared right into her very soul.
"Ah!" Karin took a step back in fear. "S-Stay back!"
"Huh?" Naruto raised an eyebrow. "You come in my room and tell me to stay away?" He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Staying with Orochimaru for several years taught him to be… indifferent about things like these. "No matter, what do you want?" He asked, standing up from his seat.
"NO!" Karin took another step back and screamed. "Don't come any closer."
The blond boy slapped his forehead. "Alright, fine." He muttered, walking towards the strange girl.
"AAAAAAAAAHHH!" Karin screamed at the top of her lungs, until…
"Shut up." Naruto exclaimed, pressing his index finger right in the middle of Karin's forehead.
Immediately girl's eyes widened to their limits, and next second she was already on her knees, shivering like crazy.
"I should get a reward for all this crap I have to endure because of that motherfucker. Oi!" He called.
No reaction. The girl just continued to shiver.
"Fucking hell!" He took her chin in his hand and raised it to look in her eyes. "Look at me."
And Karin did… And what she saw will be haunting her dreams for years to come.
Naruto on the other hand… slapped his forehead once again.
"A sensor?!" He exclaimed. "He sent a fucking sensor to me of all people?! Fucking imbecile, I bet he's laughing his ass off in his laboratory. Well not for long!" And with that he left the room, never noticing silent tears that continuously went down Karin's face. Yes, he left her there, not knowing that she will sit there staring into space for hours… And that a simple encounter with him has scarred her for life…
End flashback…
"Tch." Sasuke gritted his teeth in frustration. "Karin. Oi, Karin!" He kneeled beside her and shook the girl lightly. "Snap out of it!"
"NO!" Karin screamed in response.
"Look at me." Sasuke took Karin's head with his hands and forced it to look him in the eyes. "Look at me! We have the same eyes; do you feel the same when you look in mine?"
"N-No…" Karin whispered, taking several deep breaths. "You don't have the same eyes…" She paused. "Your chakra is gentle and calm… He had nothing but hatred and anger inside. He is evil… monster!"
"And that is why a man like that must not be allowed to exist." Sasuke exclaimed, stroking Karin's cheek with his palm. "Please don't leave me now. I need you."
Karin's eyes widened. "Sasuke, I…" Her voice wavered. "I… I will never leave your side."
"Good." The Uchiha smiled warmly and stood up. "And what about you two?"
Suigetsu shook his head. "I still think you're crazy. Kisaragi is an asshole even by Orochimaru's standards."
"That he is." Sasuke nodded his head. "But someone has to take care of him. Might as well be us."
Suigetsu looked up thinking. "Well…"
"I'm with you." Juugo stated surprisingly.
"Huh? Why so eagerly?" Suigetsu asked.
"I… I don't have a purpose anymore." Juugo explained. "Also there is a personal reason."
"Which one?"
"…Rattlesnake killed Kimimaro."
"That leaves only you, Suigetsu." Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "Are you with us…?" His right hand landed on his sword's hilt. "Or not?"
"Tch." Suigetsu spat. "Well, before you try to kill me, let me tell you about my first encounter with Jin Kisaragi…"
Flashback…
"What's going on, nii-san?" Suigetsu asked.
"It is a test, Suigetsu…" His brother answered. "Orochimaru wants to see whether or not me and you can be can be called a success."
"Ah, I see… And what will this test be?"
"I doubt it will be something pleasant."
"Okay, then I will…"
"No." His brother interrupted harshly. "Do not say a word and try to be invisible."
"But nii-san… why?"
"…Because then at least one of us will survive this. Wait, here he comes."
Indeed, Orochimaru appeared from a dark corridor with someone else tailing behind him.
"I told you, I'm not in the mood, Orochimaru." That someone stated.
"Oh, come on, don't be like that." The snake sannin replied with his usual smile on. "It won't take much of your time."
"And I said that I'm not interested in that experiment of yours." The second person finally became visible for the two brothers, which almost made both of them gasp.
That person was perhaps even younger than they were! But… he spoke with Orochimaru as if they were old buddies.
"Stop that, it's a useful ability to have." Orochimaru said. "Wounds and scars will become a distant memory. Also it's very good for infiltration and…"
"You forgot about the downside." The strange kid interrupted. "Molecular instability makes the user unable to part with water sources."
"Nah, don't worry. It's just a beta-version. It's not perfected yet, but I will do it in time." Orochimaru grinned widely.
"Tch." The kid ran his hand through his hair. "So? What the hell do you want me to do? I'm not familiar with it."
"Not that. I just want you to fight one of the experiments." The sannin turned his head. "Mangetsu, your time has come."
"Hai, Orochimaru-sama." Mangetsu nodded and walked forward.
The kid on the other hand was not very pleased. "You seem to ignore me today, Orochimaru. I told you that I'm not in the mood."
"Oh, come on Jin-kun!" Orochimaru exclaimed. "What made you so down in the morning?!"
"Tayuya." The kid replied simply. "And not in the morning but at night."
"Hmhmhmhm. Well, that's your problems. I told you she's crazy."
"Yeah, I heard that…" Jin rubbed his eyes. "So? I must fight this guy?" He pointed at Mangetsu.
"Yep. Don't hold back. I want to see the full extent of my research."
"Fine!" Jin finally agreed. "But you won't bother me after that, agreed?"
"Sure, sure."
"Alright then." Jin said, grabbing his katana from the suddenly appeared ice cross.
Mangetsu took a battle stance. "It is an honor, Kisaragi-san."
Jin snorted at that. "There is no honor in fighting me. And there is even less honor in what I'm about to do."
"Okay, begin!" Orochimaru shouted and Mangetsu immediately rushed forward with a strike.
And it was no surprise that he immediately got a blade in his stomach.
"Hn. Works perfectly I see." Orochimaru exclaimed, smiling victoriously.
Jin looked down at his handy work. Indeed, he got his opponent, but there was water flowing out of the wound.
"I'm sorry." Mangetsu started. "But that won't work on me."
Jin smirked for the first time on that day. "Is that so? Then how about this?" He gripped the hilt tighter. "Rengoku Hyoya!"
"Wh-What?!" Mangetsu exclaimed in shock as his body started to quickly turn into ice.
"Oh shit…" Orochimaru slapped his forehead. "I forgot you have that. I guess I really should've asked Kimimaro."
"Then why didn't you?" Jin asked.
The sannin shrugged. "You're better."
"I see…"
"H-How?" Mangetsu managed to squeeze out of himself when his head remained the last unfrozen part of his body.
"I don't feel like explaining anything to a failed experiment." Jin stated, pulling out his blade mercilessly and watching how Mangetsu's body broke into small pieces of ice.
End flashback…
"And you are backing down because of that?" Sasuke asked in anger.
"W-What?!"
"You heard me. You want to back down because he killed your brother?" The Uchiha asked again. "You're a disgrace. Your brother would've been disappointed."
Suigetsu's eyes widened. "Now wait just a minute!"
"No, I'm not waiting anymore." Sasuke stated. "Do you know why I want to see him dead so much?" He walked closer and stood face to face with Suigetsu, gritting his teeth in anger. "That's because I went through the exact same thing. Three years ago I saw my own brother die at his hand."
"Yeah, but…" Suigetsu sighed. "Do you even think you have a chance?! I mean, even Orochimaru failed at taking that bastard down. Do you think you can do it?!"
"Perhaps I can't…" Sasuke started. "Which is why I gathered you three. I'm not stupid, Suigetsu. I understood three years ago that killing him on my own will be impossible. So if I can't do this alone, I will simply do this as a group."
"Heh." Suigetsu smirked. "When did you become so persuasive?"
The Uchiha smirked back. "Can I take it as a yes?"
"You can."
"Good." With that Sasuke took out a single scroll from his pocket. "I was already thinking I've spent all those money for naught."
"Wha…?"
PUFF.
"HOLY SHIT! You actually got it!" Suigetsu exclaimed in awe.
"Hn." Sasuke placed a giant zanbatou on his shoulder. "I promised, didn't I? Besides, it wasn't really hard… just expensive."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
The Uchiha rolled his eyes. "I remember clearly that Kisaragi took Zabuza's blade. I just didn't know what he's done with it. But recently I heard an interesting rumor about a sword named Kubikiribocho. Apparently Kisaragi sold it."
Suigetsu's eyes bulged out of his skull. "He what?! Is he insane?!"
Sasuke shrugged. "I can agree with him on that one. That's not a weapon of his choice, and not mine as well. Too slow, too heavy and…"
"And extremely deadly!" Suigetsu interrupted, snatching the sword from Sasuke's hand. "In the right hands of course."
"Hmhmhm." The Uchiha chuckled. "So you all agreed… Well, it went better than I thought."
"You thought one of us would refuse?" Karin wondered.
"I thought all of you would." Sasuke waved his hand. "No matter now, since you all agreed, we'll have to move now. And we must move quick."
"Move where?" Juugo asked.
"The hunter can be found near potential prey." Sasuke stated. "Rattlesnake is in Akatsuki. Akatsuki is after jinchuriki. Can you put two and two together, or I should do it for you?"
Konohagakure no sato. Tsunade's apartment…
"Mmm…" Tsunade woke up to a very pleasant sensation of slight weakness after rough night. "Jin?" She sighed. "Oh yeah, he always leaves in the morning…"
"Well, not always."
Tsunade's eyes shot wide open. "Jin?" She exclaimed, actually noticing him, looking in her window. "Well, that's a surprise. Forgot something?"
"Hmhmhm." He chuckled. "You can say that."
"So?" Tsunade took a deep breath and laid back on the bed. "What do I owe the honor?"
"The honor is mine, actually." Naruto said, finally turning around to look at her. "There is a chance that we won't see each other again." He stated to woman's shock. "So I just want to know why?"
"Why? Why what?" Tsunade yelled. "And what do you mean won't see each other?! Didn't you…?!"
"Tsunade." Jin said calmly, interrupting her rant. "You've done a lot of things to help my cause. And you don't even know what I want to achieve in the end… Well, not completely. And I want you to tell me why you did that."
The legendary medic smiled at him sadly. "Is it so difficult to guess?"
"It is." Naruto nodded. "For I am the exact thing your grandfather would've fought against."
"Who gives a damn about my grandfather?" Tsunade began. "He is not here. His brother isn't here, Nawaki and Dan are not here. The only one who's here is you."
Naruto raised an eyebrow at this. "Me?"
"Yep!" The woman stated, winking at him. "You still don't get it? With all that crap I have to go through day after day, you are like a breath of fresh air to me. You're the only one who brings difference to my life. I'm even counting days, you know."
"Wow…" Jin said in slight shock. "That's deep, Tsunade." He paused. "I have to be honest with you. My survival in the end won't mean anything good to Konoha."
"Hahahahaha." Tsunade laughed. "Does it look like I care?"
"Hmm, indeed."
"So? Did you get your answer?"
"Yeah." Naruto said with a smirk.
"Good. Now get the hell out of here before Shizune comes in with her usual morning inspection."
"You really think she'll come?" Jin asked, raising an eyebrow. "You sent her off pretty harshly yesterday."
Tsunade waved her hand. "That just means she'll send Sakura."
"Oh shit!" Naruto exclaimed with wide eyes. "That means I really must hit it!"
"What, why?" The woman asked. "What's wrong with Sakura?"
"Her forehead! It's living on its own, I'm telling you!"
"Tch!" Tsunade snorted, shaking her head. "Get out."
"Heh, see ya!" Naruto winked and disappeared in a flash of yellow.
"Yeah… I can only hope…"
A little earlier. Kumogakure no sato. Sewers…
"Huff… Huff… You will not escape!"
"Shit! Do something, you useless bitch!"
"Fuck you, Hidan!" Tayuya screamed back. "See that?! She's engulfed in that biju cloak made out of fire! My arsenal mostly consists of fire techniques!"
"You're fucking useless!" Hidan screamed at her again. "What should we do, Kakuzu?"
"First of all stop yelling." The bounty hunter replied, dodging another blue fireball. "We need to capture the Nibi host alive… Really hard to do that with techniques like ours."
"Yeah, I heard that." Tayuya nodded. "I only have one technique that can affect her in this state, but it will kill her instantly. We need to remove that chakra cloak around her."
"How about you use that?" Kakuzu asked.
"No, not yet." The girl replied. "Do you have mastery over water? There's plenty right here."
"Not a bad idea actually." Kakuzu paused in thoughts. "Do you think that cloak will work under water?"
"Not sure, but it's worth a try." Tayuya stated. "Use earth to get her underwater and…"
"Take that, you bitch!" Hidan's angry yell suddenly interrupted their peaceful conversation.
Both Akatsuki members turned their heads just in time to see Hidan's scythe go right through Nibi's chakra cloak and cut its host's arm.
"Gah!" The jinchuriki, also known as Nii Yugito, grunted in pain, holding her right shoulder.
"Scratch that plan." Tayuya said with a sigh.
"Damn, I'll have to see his fucking ritual again." Kakuzu cursed. "Can't you do this now?!"
"No, not yet." Tayuya replied, shaking her head.
"Double damn!"
"Ritual commence!" Hidan yelled, starting to draw a symbol on the ground.
"Oi, what the hell are you doing?" Yugito questioned his actions.
"You'll see soon enough, bitch!"
"I doubt that, motherfucka."
"Wha…?" Hidan only had the time to turn his head before his body was crushed under a massive octopus tentacle.
"There!" Tayuya exclaimed, throwing a kunai behind her back.
"Nice try." The intruder said, tilting his head to the side, effectively evading the projectile. "But I'm not going to be taken down that easily."
Tayuya grinned in response. "No doubt."
"Kirabi-sensei!" Yugito shouted in high spirit. "I owe you one!"
"Tayuya, do that now!" Kakuzu whispered to his partner… only for her grin to widen.
"Already done."
"Ho-Ho! Did you really believe that the victory will be so easy to achieve?!" Kirabi said in his usual manner. "I won't leave my student behind, 'cus I'm…"
"I knew you won't." A sudden voice stated from behind.
"Wha…?" Kirabi turned around and…
SLASH.
…Got a sword blade in his stomach.
"SENSEI!"
"GUAH!" The dark skinned man spat some blood. "Jin… Kisaragi…"
"Indeed." Naruto stated with a smirk on his face. "I knew you won't leave her to die. That's why I told Tayuya here to tip you off about the attack. I thank you, Kirabi. Your stupidity made my job that much easier." He finished, placing a seal on jinchuriki's forehead. "Tayuya, patch him up."
"Huh? Why?" The girl asked, still doing what he asked.
"He needs to survive until the sealing is complete." He turned around. "Now, one more thing to do…" He said, looking at Yugito's panting form.
"Oi, you asshole!"
Slowly Naruto turned his head to glance at Hidan, who miraculously recovered yet again.
"The bitch is mine and…!"
Before he could even finish his speech, Naruto was already in front of him and stabbed the cultist in the chest with his sword.
"Gh…" Hidan looked down and suddenly started to laugh. "Ghahahahaha! I am immortal, you idiot! Nothing can…!"
"Rengoku Hyoya."
"Wha…?" Was the last thing Hidan managed to say before his body completely turned into ice.
"He's all yours." Jin stated, removing the blade.
"Oh, how long I was waiting for this!" Kakuzu stated happily, dashing forward and… shattering Hidan's body with a mighty punch. "YES!"
"Stop that, you sound like a child." Naruto stated, walking towards Yugito. "And that's really hard, knowing your age."
"Shut up!" The bounty hunter spat. "So? When do you want to do this?"
"Right now. There is no time to wait."
"Oi, what the hell are you talking about?" Yugito asked, standing on her knees.
"Nothing you should know about." Naruto stated, pressing another seal on her forehead.
"Done." Tayuya said, finishing bandaging Kirabi's body. "He should be alive for the next three days… Wait, there are only three of us! Shouldn't it take longer?"
"It won't." Naruto replied, doing a handseal. "Kagebunshin no jutsu."
PUFF.
Seven other Narutos appeared in a puff of smoke.
"Get ready, I will summon the Mazo now."
"You know…" Kakuzu began as Naruto prepared the technique. "Your plan is pretty daring even for someone like you. Do you hate that guy so much?"
"I do." Jin said dangerously. "Now don't interrupt me."
"Hai, hai." Kakuzu looked away.
"Say…" Tayuya suddenly began. "I thought you wanted to take the bounty on his head."
"I did."
"So what changed?"
"Nothing." Kakuzu replied. "My will to live is simply stronger than my thirst for money. The offer to kill Hidan also helped."
"Heh." The girl smirked. "You were always the smartest out of that bunch."
"No, not the smartest." The bounty hunter shook his head. "Just the most cautious one."
"Enough, it's complete." Naruto interrupted as a giant statue started to appear from underground. "Let's do this."
Konohagakure no sato. Tsunade's office…
"H-Here are the reports, T-Tsunade-sama."
The legendary medic sighed in resignation. "Shit… Alright, give them here. And Shizune?"
"H-Hai?" The assistant responded cautiously.
"Look, sorry I yelled at you yesterday. It's just…" Tsunade held a pause. "You take your job way too seriously."
"B-But you were going to drink at work and…!" Shizune tried to protest.
"I was not in the middle of some difficult operation or anything like that." Tsunade stated, waving her hand. "Even so, do you have any idea how much alcohol I must consume just to feel the effect?!"
"Yeah, I do actually…"
"Then why are you bothering me so much?! Besides, I can read the damn reports even if I am drunk. And if Minato don't like that, he can take his job and shove it! I wasn't asking for it! In fact, I'm only here because of…" Tsunade suddenly stopped her rant and looked at something in the window."
"Tsunade-sama?"
"You are free to leave, Shizune."
"Hai!" The girl bowed and left the office.
Tsunade just continued to look in the window for several minutes, thinking of nothing in particular. Just enjoying the view.
"How can such a beautiful place cause so many negative emotions within me?" The legendary medic quietly asked herself. "Okay, back to work…" She was just about to grab the first piece of paper, when suddenly…
"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune's head suddenly appeared in the door frame once again.
"What is it? I said you can leave."
"B-But you have a visitor, Tsunade-sama." The assistant stated.
"A visitor?" Tsunade asked in confusion. "I was not waiting for any…"
"Strange. The message on my window said you wanted to see me."
Tsunade's eyes widened to their limits when one red haired girl gracefully entered the room. 'Holy fuck! I totally forgot! I had to think of a reason for her to stay in the village! Shit!' The woman started to panic. 'Okay, let's check her first and see if there is anything…' She rolled her eyes. 'What fucking anything?! She's a jinchuriki! There can be no possible disfunction in her organism! I need to…'
"Umm… Are you alright, Tsunade-sama?" Tsubaki asked in concern.
"Wha…?" Tsunade snapped back into reality. "Oh… Oh yeah! Sorry about that, too much work…"
"I see." Tsubaki nodded. "So? Why have you summoned me, Tsunade-sama?"
"Umm… Well, it's for your medical checkup!" The blond woman stated with a wink.
"Checkup?" Tsubaki raised an eyebrow. "But my body can't get unwell because of Kyuubi."
'Damn, she's also clever! Still…' Tsunade smiled. "Well, Kyuubi or not, you are still an active shinobi. Therefore, you must undergo it like everyone else."
"Okay, I don't have problems with that." The girl nodded.
"Goodie! Then lie down on that couch and relax."
"Hai."
Tsunade stood up from her desk and started to slowly walk towards her patient. Slowly because she was already trying to think what she can possibly find in Tsubaki's body.
"Alright, ready?"
"Yes."
The medic sighed and started her diagnostic jutsu. 'Fuck, just as I thought. She is a picture of perfect health! Not even one fucking disfunction! Shit, I'll have to think something up after all… Alright, think Tsunade! How about unusual influence from Kyuubi? No, Minato will immediately ask a Hyuga to look her over. Then what? Something Byakugan can't see… Maybe nervous system? Yes, that could work. But if she persist that she's alright Minato will just ask another medic and… Damn, not working either. I need to…' Thet second her hand passed Tsubaki's stomach. "Excuse me?"
"What?" Tsubaki asked in confusion.
But Tsunade paid her no mind. Instead she just moved her hand over Tsubaki's stomach again and… well…
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" The legendary medic yelled at the top of her lungs, taking a step backwards, tripping and falling right on her ass. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" She repeated again, pointing her finger at Tsubaki from her position on the floor.
"W-What happened?" Tsubaki asked in slight fear. "Is there something wrong with me?"
"You bet your ass there is!" Tsunade shouted, getting up slowly. "And thank the heavens that this is a sound proof cabinet, or else the entire village would've been here this very moment. Now…" She walked to her desk and pulled out yet another bottle of sake. "Close the door and get over here."
"O-Okay, but…" Tsubaki began, doing as she was told. "But can you at least tell me what caused your reaction."
"No, girl." Tsunade said, downing her alcohol. "How about you tell me."
"Tell you what?"
The medic rolled her eyes. "Had any sex lately."
Tsubaki understood everything instantly. "Y-You mean…" Her eyes widened in shock. "Oh god…"
"Want some?" Tsunade asked, pointing at the bottle.
"Yeah…"
"Good. Now tell me…" The blond woman started, pouring the drink. "When was the last time you did that?"
Tsubaki blushed crimson. "Well umm…"
"Well what?"
"Umm… yesterday?"
Tsunade looked away, remembering something.
Flashback…
"My dear sister is to blame for all of this."
"What? You stabbed yourself because of her?"
"Actually yes."
End flashback…
Tsunade's jaw dropped. "Tell me it wasn't him."
The red haired girl only closed her eyes.
"Oh shit…" Tsunade mumbled, placing her hand on her forehead. "This is really bad. You two are siblings, so…"
"Tsunade-sama…" Tsubaki tried to interrupt, but Tsunade just continued her rant.
"…So the abortion must take place…"
"Tsunade-sama, please…"
"…I will do everything myself…"
"Please listen…"
"…So no one will have to know and…"
"LISTEN TO ME FOR A MOMENT!"
That did the trick.
"What?" Tsunade asked. "Have any more shocking discoveries to add?!"
"Yes." The girl took a deep breath. "We are not related."
Tsunade's eyebrows disappeared into her hairline. "What?! What do you mean not related?! I did the blood test myself and…!"
"Please, let me explain!" Tsubaki interrupted, raising her hand. "But first I must ask you not to tell anyone about what I'm going to say next. No one beside myself knows this and I want it to stay this way… for now at least."
Tsunade sighed. "Alright, but…" A sudden idea appeared in her mind. "But then you must promise me not to leave the village under any circumstances."
Now Tsubaki's eyebrows disappeared into her hairline. "I… I can't promise that! I must…"
"That, or I'm telling your father about your condition." Tsunade stated. "Sorry, kid, but it has to be done. Believe me, it's for your sake."
"I…" The girl frowned. "I guess I don't have a choice."
"Good. Now on with it."
"Okay." Tsubaki took a deep breath. "Actually, I learned it three years ago, right after Jin's betrayal." She paused. "It was my first conversation with Kyuubi…"
Flashback…
"It's about your brother…"
Tsubaki tilted her head to the side. "You mean Naruto… Or Jin… Anyway, what about him?"
"You are not blood related."
Girl's eyebrows rose. "What do you mean not related? You just said yourself he was my brother."
"Yes, I thought so myself…" The demon started his explanation. "Until some of his blood accidentally got into your system during that fight in the valley."
"…And?"
"And your blood is not even that of distant cousins. You and he are not related." Kyuubi finally dropped the bomb.
"B-But how?!" Tsubaki stuttered in shock. "Father said we are! Jin said we are! Even that Itachi person…"
"Be calm, girl." Kyuubi interrupted. "I wouldn't be able to explain it myself… If I didn't get a portion of my other half's memories along with that blood."
"A memory?" The red haired girl asked.
"Yes. When his mind was still his own." The demon stated. "You see, when he was little, he suffered a critical amount of damage done to his body. As a result, he almost lost all his blood. He would've surely died if not for some woman, who donated hers. And here is what I think. Perhaps their bloods were not matched, so my other part had to make adjustments in order to survive. Unfortunately… Or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, it is almost impossible to work with unfamiliar material, which in this case was donated blood. So, being in the critical situation, my other part did the only thing possible to keep himself alive… He changed your brother's body so it could match the injected blood, completely changing it DNA in the process."
"Umm…" Tsubaki looked lost.
"Damn it…" Kyuubi cursed. "I believe that my other part changed your brother's cellar structure, almost completely obliterating the traits of the woman you call your mother. It is a wild guess, but I just can't see another one."
"Almost?"
"Yes, almost…"
Tsubaki thought for a minute, silently trying to digest everything that she was just told.
"But wait!" She suddenly exclaimed. "Even if it's true, that only erased my mother's traits! That means he still has father's DNA!"
"Correct." The demon nodded his head, taking a small pause, before dropping an even bigger bomb. Probably the biggest in Tsubaki's life. "He is indeed the child of Namikaze Minato… You are not."
...
And that's it. And hey, some people actually guessed what's going to happen in this chapter! So the award goes to… Shit, I don't remember… Sorry.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. And if you're a crazy EHD fan, then yeah, I already got five chapters. But I won't start uploading until I'm done with this story. Don't worry, I'm planning to end it soon.
Fuck like hell and sleep well.
Darthemius.