I'm scared of what you'll say
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling
But I'm tired of
Holding this inside my head
-Colbie Callait-

Christmas: Looking to the past


Christmas eve drew closer and it was on that morning when Silver left Hogwarts. She had the option of using the Floo network, but she voted against it. The experience was rather unpleasant although it was the quickest way of reaching her destination. Although, much to her dismay, the Knight Bus didn't fall too far behind. The bus ride to the Malfoy Manor was irrevocably nauseating and Silver felt her breakfast travelling in places it shouldn't. Apparently she had forgotten how revolting the journey was from her first time on board. The bus driver called out to her from behind the drivers seat, "We've arrive miss, exit with haste please." The irritable, lanky man drawled.

She wrapped her sweater snug against her body before she opened the bus door and took a firm grip of her trunk behind her, careful not to toss it around too much for Hermes' sake. The mansion looked more daunting than it had the first time. The spacious well kept entrance lacked its usual décor due to circumstances of the weather, the animals must be somewhere inside in the warmth, but the mansion alone was enough to ornate the landscape.

She lugged her trunk down the stone steps, which a house elf must've cleared the snow aside this morning for her arrival, but took her sweet time. She really was in no hurry to reach the house, she would sleep outside if absolutely necessary. Although it was frightfully dark out already, she hadn't realized how long her trip had been for she slept for most of it.

First she took the carriages to Diagon alley, from there she walked to muggle London, where she took a muggle bus until she was closest to the manor, at her stop she straightened her wand out from the sidewalk calling for the Kinght bus and that finally brought her to her destination.

This was all too familiar, she stepped closer to the front door and was instantly reminded of her visit to the manor in the summer. It seems that Narcissa had already heard the cracking of her trunk against the stone path, because the door immediately swung open at her arrival to the front step.

"Silver dearest, Happy Christmas Eve." smiled warmly, "Well come on in, come on." she gestured her into the house and then called upon a house elf named Mincy to carry her luggage up the stairs. Silver thanked her and began to take off her scarf and coat when another house elf asked her for it.

"How's school going thus far? I trust you're doing well?"

"Yes, very well ma'am, I like Hogwarts."

"Oh, no need for formality my dear," Narcissa said kindly and then looked over her shoulder to a wide spacious room with white furniture and a burning fireplace, "Draco, don't be rude, have you said hello yet?"

Silver could've just fallen down and never gotten up when she locked eyes with him. He was facing the fire and upon his mothers request turned to meet her stare. "Hello..Silver." He looked embarrassed and flicked his eyes downward.

"Hi, Draco."

Narcissa looked back and forth from the girl to the boy trying to find a source for the tension. "Well, dear you're welcome to freshen up and I'll send Mincy for you when dinners ready."

Silver smiled and thanked her for her hospitality, then without a second look at him made her way up the several flights of stairs and to her room. It was just as beautiful as she remembered it. The walls were a deep, rich shade of purple providing a dramatic contrast to the off white rusted furniture. The flowers were still in bloom around her room and the vines still wrapping mazes around her ceiling. She loved it, Narcissa had done far too much for her.

She ran to her bed and plopped down on the soft beige duvet cover, making herself extraordinarily comfortable until there was a small rap on her door. Draco? Nausea came crawling back.

"Come in." she called out meekly, investigating the doorknob twisting open, revealing a very bony, tiny, droopy house elf.

"Excuss me miss, Mincy has owl for you," the skinny little elf slumped over closer, dropped off Hermes and her cage (which was probably two times larger than the elf was herself) and opened the door of her closet, "Mincy already put the misses clothes away and the mistress passes a message to tell Miss Silver Crouch to dress nicely. " And with that the elf bowed its head and trotted over to the right hand corner of her room and just stood there rooted to the spot. Silver had a house elf when she lived with Barty, and she was almost positive this wasn't normal.

"Mincy.."

The elf's ears perked up and she waddled a few steps forward. "Yes misses Crouch?"

"Mincy, you can leave if you want to, I wont get upset."

Mincy jumped. "No! No! No! strict strict orders! Mincy stay mincy must!" she was hopping around in circles poking at her large round eyes.

Silver was scared the elf would hurt herself and ordered her to stop, granting her permission to stay in the room with her. Dress nicely¸ she thought to herself. That would mean a dress of some sort and thankfully, Salem had had enough formal dances to give her a vast selection of designer dresses to choose from for today. Being wealthy was most definitely a perk.

She laid out her clothes and searched for her dresses, once she found them she attempted to begin to hang them but Mincy came and begged to do it for her. And so Silver permitted her, just in precaution so that the poor elf wouldn't start jumping herself tortured again.

Once that was done Silver asked Mincy to leave the wonderful, spacious walk in closet and find another task to do, she needed some time to contemplate her choices.

She had a very generous selection, and she had acquired all of her dresses from renowned muggle designers, she absolutely loved their work.

So if a family private dinner on Christmas eve called for a formal dress, then tomorrow night would call for something even more extravagant. She kept that in mind in her choice, making sure she would choose tomorrow's before she chose tonight's.

She walked into the spacious bathroom, which was entirely covered in marble, the sink, the bath, even the toilet. There were scented candles floating all along the ceiling, much like at Hogwarts, all lit –sweetly emanating a calming lavender scent and she made sure to soak in every last bit of it while she bathed. Maybe this holiday wouldn't be so bad after all, so long as she stayed cooped up in her room for the rest of it. But her bath soon came to an end, and her decision on what to wear could no longer be procrastinated.

First came first and she compared from most elegant to least, leaning towards the least portion for tonight. The latest she wore for Salem's end of the year formal was a very flattering skin tight, tri-colored, and one shouldered number. Towards the top, where the one-shoulder strap area was, the color was a deep teal. A magenta color then formed the illusion of a corset from her bust down to her hips, and the rest of the dress a sort of purple color. It was very high fashion and she was sure it would leave quite an impression on Narcissa, and hopefully Draco as well.

She zipped up the dress and found a perfect pair of peep toe heels to match. She had a vast collection of shoes – once again another perk of wealth.

Upon further inspection of the closet she discovered a vanity hidden in an unexplored area of it and she began to get to work on her hair immediately. It wasn't soon before Mincy discovered her and insisted that she do her hair, it was her job to do her hair, she said. And so Silver found she had no other choice but to let her. She forgot they did this, the house elves that is. It had been so long since she had one catering to her and she quickly came to realize how annoying it was. She like fending for herself and being independent, but that obviously wasn't tolerated here at the manor.

And although she was more than content with her reflection in the mirror, she was in no way prepared internally for what was about to happen. That is, if anything did happen – he might just ignore her.

Mincy instructed her it was time to go downstairs for dinner.

She preferred to get there earlier, so she was already sitting before anyone else (Draco) arrived, so she took a few deep breaths and then scurried down the stairs as fast as her heels would permit. Mincy tried her hardest to catch up to the girl for it was her job to lead her to the dining room. Silver softened her pace as they grew closer and Mincy quickly took the lead.

Narcissa, alone, was already seated, thank Merlin, but she was far too distracted by her greeting to notice that Draco had arrived at the same precise time she had.

"My dear you look lovely! You must tell me who designed it, it's absolutely divine." Narcissa chose a long, black, empire waist dress.

The Malfoy's didn't like muggles or anything to do with them, so her quick thinking came into play, "Thank you, I'm not sure I remember right now but as soon as I take it off and take a peek at the tag I'll let you know." Silver said sheepishly and Narcissa laughed.

Draco stood silently in place behind Silver until Narcissa directed her attention to her son, she smiled proudly, "Ah, what a handsome sight to behold, Draco you look dashing."

Silver turned, a little too quickly, and came face to face with the boy Narcissa was speaking to. Silver took a moment to admire his figure under his black on black suit and blushed. He looked good. But little did she know that Draco was also gawking on the inside. Her face was brilliant as always, but he had never seen anything so skin hugging on her. And he really liked it.

She mistook his silence for rudeness and unwillingness to speak to her and she turned back to face Mrs. Malfoy. "You're dress is very pretty Narcissa."

Narcissa beamed. "We're very glad you obliged to join us today, aren't we Draco?"

But he wasn't paying attention, he was still too preoccupied in gawking after the girl and hadn't taken his eyes off of her. Narcissa was quick to notice though, and she smiled. "Draco? What are you looking at darling?"

Silver glanced at him and he looked up, red faced turning to his mother. "The table setting mother..well done."

Narcissa giggled, "Darling you know I don't prepare the table myself, I never have."

Just then the daunting figure that is Lucius Malfoy stormed through the doors and stood, watching the disorder around him. Narcissa immediately brushed imaginary dirt off of her gloved hands and welcomed him. He nodded and asked for the party to take their seats. Lucius sat at the head with Narcissa at his right and Draco to his left, which left Silver to take a seat next to Narcissa.

The table was silent as the house elves scurried about to bring the first course. The décor was extravagant, the silverware was like none she had ever seen for there were small ruby's encrusted on the outermost border of the plates and tableware. Silver carefully ran her fingers around it and gaped unknowingly. Quickly realizing what she was doing she tightened her lips and looked up to meet nothing other than the piercing grey stare of the boy across from her. His lips curved into his trademark smirk and for a strange moment, she suddenly felt more at ease.

As the food kept being taken away and more was brought in, Silver couldn't help but notice Lucius' stare fixed on her for most of the night. She began thinking the worse, he would pull her aside and threaten her to tell him about Harry, possibly even kick her out of the house for being a Potter. But once dessert came around she was able to thoroughly enjoy it knowing that they would soon be dismissed and sent off to bed.

She finished before anyone else and found it safest to keep her eyes on the tablecloth, which she noticed now to have a very intricate pattern to it. But it eventually grew boring and she looked up again, meeting Draco's eyes once more. He mouthed something to her, but she couldn't make it out.

"Well, I trust you all enjoyed the food." Narcissa smiled.

Lucius nodded and continued, "Yes, very well made. But I believe there is an apology in order for my lack of decorum towards our guest, I'm sorry Silver but I seem to have forgotten to welcome you." His smirk resembled Draco, but it was much more spiteful.

"No need to apologize Mr. Malfoy." Silver attempted to smile, and she was sure it came out to look more like a crooked grin.

Narcissa and Lucius then excused themselves to retire for a round of brandy in the parlor leaving Draco and Silver in the dining room alone.

Silver looked down and stood up, intent on exiting the room as quickly as possible when something stopped her.

"Wait." Draco said. He was now standing as well, "Why did you run away?"

"Because I'm tired...I'm going to bed." Silver looked at him strangely.

He shook his head, "You know exactly what I mean."

She did know, unfortunately, and she also knew this was precisely the question she was desperately trying to avoid. She inhaled deeply and sighed. "I..Well..I know," she was raking her mind for an answer, "I mean, what did you want me to do? I made a mistake, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," she said referring to her kissing him, "and I just..I just felt awful about it and left.

But it's all over now, can we just move past this please?" her voice grew tiresome.

Draco shifted slightly in posture, showing a sign of clear discontent with her explanation,"Right, of course."

Were they that bad? Was it to have a casual conversation without it ending in an argument? Her chest felt tight, accompanied by a damp sting in her eyes, usually the symptoms that a wet night lay ahead of her. But she kept her face shielded from him, the last thing she wanted was for him to feel pity.

Feeling like there wasn't any more progress to be made, an unsatisfied Draco finally said, Well, as long as that's settled with," he passed a hand through his pale hair, "I'll see you tomorrow, I suppose. Goodnight."

Silver nodded, "Goodnight."

The first thing she did at returning to her room was kick her heels off, and throw them as far as she could muster. How could she be so ridiculous? She came here with her mind set on talking about what happened, about the kiss, and she failed miserably. She slipped her dress off and changed into her pajamas, desperate to climb into her covers and stay there.

Sleep didn't seem to pay her a visit that night at least not until around early morning when it was nearly time for her to wake up and once she did she wasn't the least bit bright-eyed nor bushy tailed. Her only comfort was knowing that the Malfoys would be far too busy planning today and she would do her best to avoid them at all costs. So she decided to carry out her promises and write to her friends and family – But there wasn't any parchment around as far as she could see, not even after searching through the drawers of her desk.

Mincy would get some for her she was sure, but the question is, where could she be? Silver put on a pair of jeans and a sweater so she could begin her search and then slowly pulled the door of her bedroom open and slipped out noiselessly.

"Now," she began to murmur to herself, "if I was an elf, where would I be?"

"Did you really just ask yourself that question?"

Silver jumped up startled to the bone. Draco looked down at her with a smirk playfully gracing his features.

She laughed a little, but it came out sounding a bit hoarse since she hadn't rightfully overcome her fright.

"Um, I'm just looking for your elf, Mincy….I can't find any paper."

"And why do you need paper?" Draco asked suspiciously.

"Why else would you need paper Draco? To write a letter of course." She taunted.

"True, you would need a piece of parchment for that now wouldn't you."

He was teasing her and she knew it. "Unless you know of another way to make that happen."

"Well, no. But it just so happens that I might be in possession of some paper." He crowed as if he were the owner of heaps of gold - which was actually most likely true.

"Are you?" Silver couldn't help but smile.

"Come this way."

She followed him down the hall, a few steps away from her door, and then into a nearby bedroom. She carefully inspected the room and quickly realized whom it belonged to, this was Draco's room. The room itself was larger than Silver's, it that was even possible, and the walls were painted a dark green. What a surprise, Slytherin pride. He made his way to a large desk ahead of him, which seemed to be fully equipped with a bountiful amount of supplies you would need for writing purposes, and emerged with a few scrolls of parchment. But she was caught staring at a the carving of a snake engraved on the side of the armchairs by his mini library.

"Those are mostly older school books, some are reading book though, do you like it?" he laughed, she was a sucker for books.

"Yeah, it's nice." She paused and looked up at him, "Your room is very.. Slytherin isn't it?"

He tightened his lips in regret of what he was about to say next, "Well, you know father was really excited when I got sorted – he might've gotten a bit carried away."

She rolled her eyes, why was it that his father always had some type of control over his decisions. "I see." But they were already on rocky grounds, she might as well not push it. "Are you excited about tonight?" she added, straining her efforts to continue conversation.

"Not particularly, why?"

She shrugged, "Just wondering."

"You know, Crabbe and Goyle are coming." He said in a sneaky tone.

But she didn't catch on, for there were two others she was particularly concerned about, "And I bet Parkinson and Zabini are too?"

He nodded, "Don't worry about them."

She let out a derisive laugh, "Really? Because Zabini tried to kill me at Diagon alley the other day."

Draco's eyes widened to the size of orbs, "You can't be serious?"

"And he probably would've too if Rupert hadn't snatched his wand away."

"Rupert.."Draco paused, "Do you mean Rupert Lions?"

Wonderful, he was more concerned about who she was with than about Zabini death threats. Silver nodded, "Yes, he came to visit me – he's a friend from Salem, but that's besides the point.."

"Salem's an all witches' school and I'm almost sure Rupert isn't a girl."

Is he really still gallivanting over this?, she thought annoyingly but answered him anyway, "Alright not Salem exactly but a neighboring school. Do you know him or something?"

Yes. "I might've met him once." Draco answered instead. The thing is, he had recently heard Rupert had found himself a girlfriend and he was horribly jealous it might be Silver. But he decided to leave it at that. "Well mums been busy all day and I don't want her to come up here and bite my head for not being dressed and ready."

"Right, I'm rather fond of my head." She agreed, and just then she was struck with an idea.

She rushed back to her room, and emptied her trunk pulling out a miniature picture album that was almost as big as her palm. She placed it on the floor and flipped the cover open. The palm-sized picture album was now just as big as one of her school books.

It had been a present for her, the picture album. Draco wanted to put something together for her so she wouldn't forget about him when she was off in the states. With a quick spell Narcissa taught him, he pulled it together just with enough time for the both of them to look through it together.

Searching through the pages quickest as she possibly could, she finally stopped and pulled a photograph out. It was perfect.

The two children in the photograph waved back at her endearingly. They were both mounted on a broomstick. The blonde boy in front while the brunette clung on tightly behind him, their faces sparkled with enthusiasm as the boy stepped foot on ground. It was the day of their first flight on a broomstick. Narcissa had finally gotten over the fear of permitting her, what she believed, fragile son to ride one and it wasn't long before he was right back down begging Silver to come with him for another lap.

"But I don't like flying Draco, you know I don't." Silver feebly admitted as she stepped away from Draco.

"Rubbish! Don't be such a pansy about it. C'mon, get on with it." Draco urged her but to no avail, she just shook her head over and over again.

He took her hand in his and pulled her beside him, "Do you trust me?"

Silver's bright green eyes were about to burst from how wide she had them open. "Yes.." there was a trace of hesitation in her voice.

"Well then? What's the problem?" He kept a firm grip on her hand, "Look, we've gone through worse. Together, we can get through anything. That is of course, only if that 'together' involves me." He said smugly.

She smiled, that seemed to be the ticket and she mounted the broom.

This would do the trick, she was sure of it. She found an envelope and slid the picture into it. She was about to go on her way to slip it under his door when a tawny owl came knocking on her window. It seemed to be struggling with a large parcel it carried between its legs so Silver let it in , relieving the owl of its burden.

He exited as soon as he dropped it off and Silver reached down to grab it. She instantly smiled. Her first Christmas present!

She unwrapped the orange wrappings and out fell a note and a bottle of something Silver was unsure of.

Happy Christmas Silver! I'm passing on a bottle of my nargle repellent, they can be very dangerous you know.

Just want to make sure your prepared. I'll see you soon.

Your friend,

Luna Lovegood.

Silver laughed out loud. What on earth was she going to do with a repellent to repel an imaginary creature? But that was Luna for you.

Another owl soon came fluttering in, followed by another and before she knew it – there was a small stack of boxes piled on the floor.

This made her enormously thrilled.

Blake and Savannah both sent her a large box of truffles, while Dominic sent her some good cheer with an eyeball that would follow her wherever she went attached with a note warning her to behave herself with Draco. Ha. Funny.

Ron and Harry sent her a box of jelly beans, which she discovered tasted a little too unexpectedly for her taste. Hermione sent her a book called O.W.L.s: A guide for satisfactory results. It would be best to start reading it straight away she decided; it was never too early to be prepared.

After about an hour of toying with her gifts, she sent out her own presents with the various owls and then attached a note on Hermes with a letter for Remus and Harry, oh and with the photograph for Draco to deliver firstly. It was silly, after all he was just a few steps away. But just as she experienced not too long ago, a lot can happen in just a few steps.

And she wasn't sure if that was a risk she was willing to take again.

They were all worthless, he would've preferred to not receive presents at all. But instead he was now two mice richer, thanks to Crabbe and Goyle. His parents gave him a new broom. Top notch, everyone raved about it. He knew it would be the envy of his friends when at the turn of the first Quidditch match of the term, hopefully he would catch enough snitches so they would forgive him for his past slip up.

And then a small letter emerged from under one of the mice that was now scurrying about the room in fright. Draco rolled his eyes, stupid mouse. He took a glance at the envelope and thought of what a terrible gift it must be, it was unpleasantly small – a red flag already. But in spite of himself, he opened it anyways.

His scowl curved right side up into a grin and broadened when he turned it over to see the signature.

I trust you.

-Silver

Ahhh you guys are the best reviewers ever!!! I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am for all the amazing feedback for the story :)
And please keep it coming! I love it!

So about this chapter, it's split into two. Simply because I didn't want it to be so long that you guys would get tired of reading! lol
So the next update will be posted veryy soon
And yes, there will definitely be previews for alll who review! :))

P.S. I forgot to tell you guys about the new pics up on my profile! Make sure you check them out, her dress is on there!