Chapter 26

Give Me All Of That Ultraviolence

Three knocks on the door of the trailer made Renee snap out of her thoughts. Who could that be? For a split moment she thought the Canadian police had finally found out about her true name and came to arrest her, but she quickly shrugged that off. If there was one thing she had learned during the past seven years, it was to not jump to any conclusions and stay calm. Freaking out wouldn't get you anywhere.

Renee pulled her hands out of the lukewarm dishwater and quickly dried off her hands with a towel; the dishes were going to have to wait. She walked through the trailer and headed towards the door. Opening it, she was greeted by a little boy and a girl, who were around the age of eight and six, respectively. They both had red hair and blue eyes; they were siblings. The boy was holding a football that had clearly been played with many times. Renee smiled at the two children, thankfully she hadn't been discovered just yet.

'Hey there, Peter and Lizzie!' she said with a cheerful voice. 'What can I do for you two?'

'Is Sophia there?' Peter asked. When he was speaking, you could clearly see that he was missing a front tooth; possibly the result of simply getting rid of his milk teeth or playing too rough in the woods near the trailer park. 'Can you ask her if she can come play with us?'

Renee nodded. 'Sure, I'll ask her. Just hold on for a minute, okay?'

She turned around and headed towards the back of the van. Sophia, her seven-year old daughter, was sitting on the small couch and watching a cartoon on TV. The little girl hummed along with the song the characters were singing, she had watched this show so many times that she knew the song by heart.

'Sophia?' her mother asked. Sophia blinked her eyes and looked up. 'Hmm? Yes, mommy?'

Renee's heart felt like it was glowing, like it did every time whenever she was called 'mommy'. It gave her the feeling that this little girl had accepted her in her life as the mother role she needed, it was something so small, yet it made Renee so happy.

'Peter and Lizzie are outside, they asked if you want to go play with them.'

Upon hearing the name of her two friends, a little twinkle appeared in Sophia's big blue eyes. The smile that appeared on her face reminded Renee so much of the way Dean used to smile... and that made her feel even more blessed to be the mother of this little angel of a girl. She had dirty blonde hair that reached her shoulders, a mixture of the hair colors of her mother and her late father. By one look at her sky blue eyes, you knew she had to be the daughter of Dean Ambrose. Sophia got off the couch and ran towards her bedroom, which was small, but big enough for a little girl to sleep in. 'Hold on, I'm putting on my shoes! I'll be there in a second!' Renee heard her exclaiming inside. A moment later she came out, wearing a pair of army green sneakers, which matched with her short jeans and black tank top. It was spring, but Sophia was dressed like it was already summer. She had always been a kind of a tomboy, preferring climbing in the trees in the woods over playing with dolls and flat-out refusing to wear a dress.

'Wait, Sophia! You have to put on a jacket or else might catch a cold!' Renee warned.

'Yeah yeah, I'll put it on later! Gotta go, mommy!' Sophia hastily replied. She ran towards the door and grinned at Peter and Lizzie. 'Here I am! Let's go!' And out she went, you could hear the children loudly laughing in joy outside. Renee watched the adorable sight through the window near the kitchen counter, smiling from ear to ear. Sophia was playing with her friends right in front of the trailer, kicking the football at them and trying to take it back. She looked so happy... Renee let out a soft sigh.

It had been a long journey, but they had finally made it.

Renee walked away from the window and turned off the TV. She turned on the radio on the kitchen counter, she enjoyed listening to some music while doing chores. As she washed the dirty dishes, all the memories from during the past seven years came back to her.

The first days without Dean had to be the worst days she had ever gone through. Renee could've sworn she had never felt so lonely in her entire life, she hadn't even felt that lonely when her parents had passed away. At first Renee stayed away from civilization as much as possible, convinced that the police were still swarming everywhere, searching for her. She had heard Dean claiming that he had killed her and hidden her body before he died, but she wondered if the police had actually fallen for that lie. He had said that to protect her, to make sure she was safe, she felt that in her bones. She had cried many tears those cold summer nights, only having a measly campfire to keep her warm and the duffel bag to use as a pillow. How many times had she hoped to wake up the next morning with Dean lying next to her? Renee had lost count.

However, despite the loneliness and immense grief, she had only one goal in her mind.

Canada.

And so Renee continued the journey on her own, with the clothes on her body and the bag with money as her only possessions. Everything had been taken away from her that harrowing day; her clothes, her only means of transportation, her weapon, but most importantly, the love of her life. Renee was going to make sure Dean's promise would come true, she would never forgive herself if he had died in vain. Renee avoided the big cities as much as she could, only aiming for the smaller towns. If one of the towns happened to have a motel, hotel or inn, then she would only stay for one night; then she would get up early in the morning and leave to travel further. With the money she had with her, she could easily pay the stays and the food. In one of the many small towns she had visited, she also bought new clothes, a new suitcase and a map; after a while, the clothes she had been wearing for days on straight started to stink so badly that it almost made her gag.

Following the map, Renee knew exactly where she was and where she was going to. As long as she would travel up north, she would head into the right direction, which was why she always asked drivers of cars or trucks if they were heading to a place that was located in the north before she would hop on and allow the drivers to take her there, as long as they weren't going to try to harm her. She would rarely hitchhike, only if the days were raining or cold. Hitchhiking was very risky, Renee knew of the many stories of girls going missing after being picked up, but she had decided to take the risk anyway; the sooner she would get to Canada, the better. One time, it looked like she was never going to reach Canada, when a driver pulled over to the side of the road and attempted to molest her. Renee had fought back with all the strength she had, she scratched that pervert's skin until it bled, punched him in the face, kicked him in the stomach, even bit him a couple of times, until he lost his grip on her and allowed her to escape with a few bruises and a tear in her dress. From that day on, Renee swore that every man who would dare to touch her would suffer.

But it didn't last long before she found out she hadn't been traveling alone after all...

It turned out that Dean had left her one last gift before his demise. It all started when Renee was feeling sicker than ever, constantly feeling the urge to throw up. Also, she found at that she hadn't been on her period that month. In the next town she visited, she bought a pregnancy test and tested herself in the bathroom of a motel she stayed at that night... the result was positive.

Oh God... she was pregnant.

Renee couldn't believe it at first, it was too surreal to believe. But the test didn't lie; she was pregnant with her first child. The realization that the little piece of life growing inside her was the result of that one romantic night she and Dean had before the day he died struck Renee like lightning. That's when the shock made place for nothing but pure happiness. A mother... she was going to be a mother! The thought of a part of Dean was living inside her made her so happy. Not all of Dean was lost after all. The fact that she was pregnant gave Renee even more determination to reach Canada. This was not going to be for herself and Dean anymore; it was also going to be for her baby.

As she got closer to the border of Canada, Renee decided it was time for her to get a new identity. In a bar of a rather shady town she visited, she eavesdropped on a conversation going on between two men who were talking about shipping 'goods' over the border and managed to get the address of a person who was specialized in creating fake passports. The smelly bastard wanted twenty thousand dollars for it, but Renee decided to do it anyway. From that day on, she would be known to the outside world as Renee Paquette. This name would serve as her mask for the rest of her life, until the authorities would finally find her and take everything away from her once again.

And after a while, Renee's goal had finally been reached; she had managed to cross the border of Canada. She had done it, Dean would've been so proud of her... God, she could've cried of happiness at that moment. She was finally safe, here she could start all over again, it was only going to be her and her baby.

After searching for many places to stay, Renee settled down on a trailer park many miles away from Toronto. Most of the residents of the trailer park were from the lower class and the trailers were all old and cheap, but that didn't matter to Renee. It was far away from civilization, it was located in the wonderful Canadian nature, the people who lived there were nothing more but nice to her, so far her it was the perfect place to start her new life.

During one night in March, Renee was woken up because the sheets of her bed were soaking wet. It wouldn't last long before she went into labor, it was the worst pain she had ever felt in her entire life. But she wanted to do this herself, there was a big risk that they would find out about her true identity in the hospital; there was no way in hell they were going to take her baby away from her. As Renee gave birth, she wished Dean could've been here to support her and witness his child being born. The thought that this was not possible tore her heart to shreds, she felt so lonely at that moment. But then, after a full hour of nothing more but pain, her daughter was finally there.

Sophia.

From the moment Renee held her newborn daughter in her arms, she swore she would never stop loving this child. And as years passed by, she saw how much Sophia looked like her father. She saw Dean in everything Sophia did, from smiling to the way she walked. This girl was the living memory of the man Renee had loved so much. She decided to put the money she had left aside so Sophia would be able to go to college in the future, because hell, she deserved a good future. Renee managed to work two jobs, one as a waitress in a diner in the town that was located the closest near the trailer park and the other as an employee in a supermarket in that same town, she used her false identity for all of this. Renee would never be able to become a reporter, for which she had studied for many years ago, but she was happy with her jobs. With the money she received, it just enough to pay the bills and the food.

This life was perfect. It was safe, like she and Dean had wished for.

Did Renee still miss Dean? Of course she did, she missed him every day. There were nights were her grief was stronger than ever, she would cry herself to sleep on those nights. She didn't even know whether he was cremated or buried after his death, just thinking that he might be lying in an unnamed grave was enough to make her burst into tears. It broke her heart to know that Sophia would grow up without a father and never knowing who her father actually was. Nobody at the trailer park knew about her past, not even her own daughter. But there would be one day in the future where Renee would have the courage to tell Sophia about her father, she would only tell her if she was old enough to understand all of it. For now, she should enjoy her childhood and be innocent. But Renee knew that Dean would be so proud of her if he saw what she had achieved.

Dean would always be in her heart. No other man would ever replace him.

Just as Renee was about to dry off the last dish, the intro of a song she knew so well was heard on the radio. A piano and a few violins were heard playing together in perfect harmony, it made her skin crawl. She knew exactly what she was about to listen.

'Ultraviolence', from none other than Lana Del Rey.

Man, it had been so long since she had listened to a song of her favorite artist... she had almost forgotten how beautiful it sounded. Renee closed her eyes and she traveled almost immediately seven years back into the past, to the summer that changed her life forever.

She had never forgotten how Dean looked like, not for a single moment. She could see his face again, the face she loved so much. That messy brown hair, those sky blue eyes... it all seemed so real, it was like he was standing in front of her again, alive and well. She saw it all, even though she had her eyes closed. For a moment Renee was afraid the memory of Dean's face would fade away as soon as she would open her eyes, but thankfully that didn't happen.

Renee slowly started dancing through the trailer, allowing the music to take control over her. It felt like she was dancing on clouds, that's what Lana's music made her feel like. She felt Dean's hands touching her body, like he did on the morning where they danced together for the first time. It was so weird... even though he had been dead for years, it was like he was right here in this trailer, dancing with her. Renee couldn't help but sing along with the lyrics.

'I love you the first time, I love you the last time, yo soy la princesa, comprende Miss White Lines? 'Cause I'm your jazz singer, and you're my cult leader, I love you forever, I love you forever...'

Ultraviolence... it was the only word Renee could describe that summer with... but it was the most beautiful summer of her life. And it was all thanks to Dean Ambrose.

'I can hear violins, violins... Give me all of that ultraviolence...'

And that my friends was 'Ultraviolence'! Phew, I had a blast writing this fanfic, it was so much fun to do :) I understand that the chapter 'I Love You The First Time, I Love You The Last Time' caused a little bit of controversy, if it really did upset some of you, I apologize. But please do remember, it's just a story. And hey, it might very well be that Dean Ambrose might have a role in a future story ;D I don't own any of the lyrics of the songs in this fanfic. Thank you all so much for reading, reviewing, and faving! See you next time!