AN: The last ep has me wading through a mixture of thoughts, emotions...more thoughts. I'm eagerly waiting for the finale and at the same time, not really. So here. Here's what came out of me thinking, and thinking, and thinking...

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"There are a lot of things that I thought I saw myself in at this point of my life. When I was a child, I thought I'd be a doctor, saving thousands of lives. It's true in some ways, but more than that I like to think that I'm giving back lives to those who were robbed of theirs. I may 'talk to the dead' , speak for them, but ultimately I think I'm instrumental in allowing those left behind to have peace and move on."

"When I was in college, I thought I would find someone I'm most compatible with, get married, raise a family, and at this point, perhaps getting ready to send my oldest to college. Yes. I was even proud enough to think that any child of mine would be smart enough to head for higher learning at an early age."

"Interspersed between years spent in college, med school, and Doctors without Borders, I met people whom, at each corresponding point in time, thought were the ones I could spend my life with. I thought that sharing common interests, beliefs, principles, goals, and sometimes even the same social standing, were enough grounds upon which to build a long-term relationship with."

"I thought of a lot of things but I never thought that I'd find everything I'd want, need—even everything I never thought I'd want and need—in one person: in you."

"We don't share much of the same interests. Your habits tend to annoy me—just as I'm sure some of mine annoy you as well. Your staunch refusal to back down in relation to your job can put you in harm's way and yet I can never see myself asking you to change, nor will I ever ask you to. You tease me endlessly. Even mercilessly at times. But I've learned to tease you back in the same manner and each time you only show me a proud smile. Like you're proud of me for getting back at you."

"Your loud and vibrant personality often clashes against the silence that I'm used to. I love it. I love how you made your way through my life, leaving debris, leftovers, boots in the hallway instead of the closet, books and magazines on armchairs and on the couch and everywhere else but on top of a table. All of them are reminders that I have you in my life…that you're around, that you're here—with me. I think I started loving you the moment you first stomped your way through my front door and asked me how I could afford such a huge place."

"I thought I would never find someone who would be comfortable of the social standing my family comes from. Or at least someone who wouldn't choose me mostly for who my family is."

"More than that, you took both my adopted and biological family as part of who I am. You didn't run. You didn't question beyond what was necessary to understand where I come from. You understood my fears and emphasized that you knew who I am."

"I thought we were finally getting to that same place where we'd know for certain that this friendship we share—this relationship—is for keeps. A place where we both would no longer need to pretend. But something changed. You pulled away. I think you thought it wasn't obvious, but I know you too well. I know that you thought I wouldn't notice. It was never anything too obvious to everyone else—except me. Where you used to place a hand on my back when we walked, you clasped your hands together. You used to give me a hug for the silliest of reasons. You used to sit close beside me. You used to sit beside me."

"What happened, Jane? What changed? Why did you leave? I know I said a lot of things differently, encouraged you to a point, but I thought you understood? I thought you knew me?"

Maura wipes her tears away with one hand while the other holds on tightly to the hand laying limp against the starched white of the hospital bedding.

"I thought you left so that you'd be safer. It was the only bright spot in your decision back then, you know? But I let you go because I thought at least I would never have to spend another minute waiting by your bed, waiting for you to wake up, hopingfor you to wake up."

"I thought a lot of things, Jane and you've shot most of what I thought I already knew to hell. I suppose if you were awake you'd tease me for guessing. All this time I told you I never guessed and here I am confessing that I more or less spent a huge amount of time in my life, thinking, assuming, guessing."

"More than ever, you are the ultimate reason why I never guess. Why I shouldn't. Because I hardly ever get to guess right."

"I thought we'd be in a relationship at least by now. I thought I'd be the happiest I've ever been. I thought you would be too."

"Much as I'm wrong, Jane… I want you to know I'm still here. And I always will be until you tell me to leave. I'm waiting."

They said she died of a broken heart the day before they pulled the plug.
Her last thoughts—her last word—was of her friend who lay on that hospital bed.
That girl who kept on sleeping though, she must have sensed the loss of her presence.
Because others said her brainwaves died, just moments after her friend's heart left her.

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AN: That's right. I went there.