Disclaimer: Mash-up. I merged my favorite book as a kid with my favorite book as an adult. The basic premise is from Elizabeth Cadell's 1955 "The Lark Shall Sing," while the characters and setting are from Charlaine Harris' Southern Vampire Mysteries. If it's a swear word or kind of twisted, it's my influence.

Chapter Twenty-Six: Scheming Teacups

The kids took off with Long Shadow following the creek that wrapped to the east, paralleling the road. A cloud of tension hung over the three kids. Hunter, leading the way, walked with a determined gait, periodically swinging a tree branch. Finally arriving at their destination—basically a point deemed "far enough"- the kids stopped and resumed the conversation that had begun while outside the house.

"What're we gonna do about that fucktard, Cal Myers?" Hunter began. "Any ideas? I wanna beat the shit out of him but the sick fuck would probably like it!"

Hoyt thoughtfully looked down at the ground. Amelia shot a quick glance at her two brothers and then turned her focus to the creek. With a breath, she looked up.

"Let's put a spell on him," she suggested.

"Fuckawesome!" Hunter thought his sister's suggestion an excellent one.

"What? A spell? You sure that's a good idea, Ame?" Hoyt was a little unsure.

"Yeah, I'm sure." If there was one thing Amelia did not second-guess herself on, it was her craft. For better or worse.

"'Course, Hoyt. Ame wouldn't have suggested it if she thought it was a dumb idea."

"But what if Sookie finds out?" Hoyt still wasn't sold on this.

"Sookie's not gonna find out." Amelia replied simply. For thirteen, Amelia could evoke the confidence of someone much older.

"Ame, what kind of spell you wanna put on that fucktard?" As far as Hunter was concerned, the decision had been made. Now it was just a matter of the details.

"I'll explain it as we go. But we gotta figure out how to get out to Hotshot. Who do we know that would drive us out there?"

"Maybe Eric?" Hunter suggested.

"Car's gone. Pam's too." Amelia reminded him.

"How about Terry?" Hunter looked over at his brother.

"Terry might do it," Amelia met Hoyt's eyes. "What ya think, Hoyt?"

"Yeah, Terry might do it," Hoyt nodded, uneasily. He really wasn't sure about this plan.

"Call him, Hoyt" Amelia directed. "You're his buddy. Ask him if he can come pick us up, bring us out there for a bit, and then bring us home."

Hoyt really wasn't sure about this idea. For one thing, it involved sneaking around, just after Sookie had hollered at them for doing something similar. Then there was the fact that it seemed like they were using Terry. Not to mention that they had no fucking idea what the hell was up with Ame's 'powers.' But how the heck do you say this to her?

"Uh, Ame?" Hoyt started out tentatively.

"What?"

"How do we…uh… know your powers will work?"

Amelia gave Hoyt a death glare. "Who do you think made it rain last night? There wasn't rain in the forecast, Hoyt." Amelia announced this smugly.

Hoyt and Hunter exchanged a thoughtful look. Really, they had no idea whether or not rain had been in the forecast last night. Could Amelia really have made it rain? If she did, that was fucking amazing. And scary as shit. They turned to look at Amelia, who, with her blue-black Elvira hair and straight bangs and intense eyes, certainly, in that moment, looked scary enough to force rain from the sky. Well…

Hunter figured even if Ame's spell on Cal didn't work, the asswipe would probably be scared shitless thinking there was a spell on him. And if it did work, fuckawesome!

Hoyt figured they'd get in trouble if it worked and they'd be in the clear if it didn't. As disloyal as it might've been, he was hoping her spell wouldn't work. He shrugged, pulled out his phone and hit Terry's number. And so began Operation: Tree House Vengeance.

Nearly two hours later, Terry Bellefleur dropped the kids off where he had picked them up, by the creek up a ways from the house. Not wanting to lie (much), the kids told Terry that Cal had broken into their treehouse (true) and that they were gonna go talk to him (true – technically Ame casting her spell involved talking) and that Jase didn't want them going out there (true) because Hotshot was filled with inbred freaks (also true).

Terry wasn't an idiot. He knew those Stackhouse kids were up to something. If he couldn't tell from the "cat that ate the canary" looks on their faces, the death scream from Cal Myers when they were in there with him cinched it. Yep, up to something. But Terry didn't care. He knew they were basically good kids. Terry was only too happy to chauffeur the kids. He thought it was just real real nice having the Stackhouses back.

A fine family, he thought.

Once back in Bon Temps, the Stackhouse kids realized they still had some time before dinner. So they decided to walk back to their clandestine meeting spot by the creek.

Truth be told, the year that had passed had been a big one for the three of them. Since they'd last been together as a constant unit, Amelia had turned from 12 to 13.

Simultaneous with her entry into her teens came an interest in boys. And girls. She was one peg closer to being an adult than either of her two younger siblings. So, whereas Amelia had always been a bit on the bossy side—never shying away from broadcasting her ideas and opinions—now she felt it was even more her right to claim the position of "general' of their small troop. Something had been bothering her forever and she finally had her 'troops" to strategize with.

"We gotta do something about Sookie," began Amelia.

"What do you mean?" Hoyt asked.

"I mean we have to figure out how to stop her from marrying Douche Bag."

"What're you talking' 'bout, Ame? Sookie's engaged to Bill." Hoyt was confused.

"Well, they aren't married yet. And we need to make sure that doesn't happen."

Hunter had remained silent, taking it all in. Once he got the drift of where Amelia was coming from, he started to nod his head, agreeing completely.

"Jesus H, Hoyt! Ame's right! Sookie can't marry Douche Bag. If they have kids, the kids'll be half-douche bag." Suddenly, preventing a dilution—or douchelution—of the gene pool was very important to Hunter. Brainstorming, he thought he had an idea.

"Ame, what about your craft? Any spells for that?" Hunt was looking at his sister hopefully.

"Hmmm, I'm not sure I'm practiced enough for this. Cal is such a weak-minded dipshit. The spell I'd been studying was perfect for him. But Bill…Bill is one giant Douche Bag. I don't know if we have the time for me to practice." Amelia looked thoughtful, as she considered the options. "It's gonna take a serious plan to get him out of the way. We may even need help."

"What? Who do you think we can get to help?" asked Hunter.

"Maybe we can find someone to seduce Bill." Amelia suggested doubtfully. Biting carelessly on her lower lip, she very much resembled her eldest sister in that moment.

The three Stackhouses looked at one another. They all had the same thought. That would not be easy. That might even be impossible. Who the fuck would want the Douche Bag aside from their own seemingly crazy sister?

"For fucks sake, Ame, since Helen Keller's dead," Hunter's snigger morphed into a cackle, "I don't know who else we can find who'd be okay spending time with that Douche Bag."

Amelia snickered before responding. "Well, maybe we just need it to look like Bill's cheating. Maybe we just need Sook to see it and think he's cheating on her. Get someone to pretend to seduce him and then 'bye bye Bill.'"

"How the fuck are we gonna get someone to seduce that dickwad? Even if it's just for pretend?" Hunter really did not see that as a possible scenario.

"Hmmm, I'll agree that it's a tough one. Maybe we can find someone to seduce Sookie instead? Then Bill catches them?" Amelia nodded enthusiastically at her two brothers.

"That could work. Who'd we get to do that?" Hunter asked.

"What about Quinn?" Amelia threw out.

Hunter looked at his sister like her hair was on fire. "Naw, I don't want that bald, purple-eyed freak anywhere near me. Last time Sook brought me and Hoyt to a Bon Temps football game, Quinn was sitting a few rows in front of us. I saw him bend over and lick his own leg like it was a fucking chicken bone. Fucking disgusting."

"Ew! Gross! Really?" Amelia looked horrified. Quinn was…just….disgusting! She'd never understood Sookie's attraction to the guy. He was kind of okay-looking, but that… that…was just too gross. "Why'd he do that?"

"Because he's a fucking animal, that's why!" Hunter shook his head in disgust. "I saw he was picking away at this scab on his knee. I'm like watching him, thinking he'll stop, but no. He just keeps picking and picking away at it—like his life fucking depended on gettin' it off. Then when he got it to all come off, he leans over and licks the blood off his knee." Hunter continued.

"Ew…" Amelia felt herself gagging at her brother's vivid description. "Did you tell Sookie?"

"Yeah, and she looked at me like she was thinking about it, like she wasn't sure I was making it up or not. Then she just shrugged like she believed it." Hunter turned to his brother. "Didn't she Hoyt?"

"Yeah." Hoyt had been silent up until now. "She looked at us and then looked away, like she was thinking. Then she just changed the subject so we wouldn't talk about it anymore."

"I gotta say. What the fuck is wrong with Sookie? Tar dated Frank. He was a lot of fun. JB's real nice. But Sook always dates freaks." Amelia sounded absolutely perplexed on this matter.

"I think she's got control issues." A little pride could be detected in Hoyt's voice as he made what he felt was a keen observation.

"Jesus H, Hoyt! Ya think?" Hunter exclaimed, obviously not impressed. "Girl's wound tighter than a Jew at an Al Quaeda pep rally."

Suddenly Amelia was catching flies. To say she was startled by her brother's words would have been an understatement. What the fuck? Where on earth did Hunter get that language from? She wondered. Uh, better ask, she figured.

"Where'd you hear that, Hunt?" Amelia asked.

"Aw, that Felipe," Hunter scowled.

Amelia decided to backburner that issue for the present but made a note to herself to mention to Sookie and Jason that Uncle Felipe is definitely not a good influence on the boys.

"What about Eric dating Sookie?" Hoyt suggested.

Hunter looked at Hoyt with a contemplative gaze. Thinking…thinking…thinking…finally…

"Hoyt, that may just be the best idea you've ever come up with," Hunter nodded in approval. "Ame, what ya think of that?"

Interesting, that's what Amelia was thinking. But there was a problem with that suggestion.

"Eric doesn't really live in Bon Temps." Amelia finally decided. "He's only staying for a little bit, then he's gonna move back to Shreveport and then he'll go back to Hollywood." She shrugged. "But, to make Bill jealous and think that Sook likes him, that's a great idea, Hoyt."

Amelia had an idea of her own to share. "I know someone else who might help us," she said excitedly. "Might."

"Who?" The two boys blurted out simultaneously.

"Pam." Amelia looked at her two brothers to see their reactions.

"Pam likes Bill?" Hoyt asked confusedly.

Ame and Hunter exchanged a look. Sometimes Hoyt could be so dense. "No, Hoyt," Amelia responded. "Pam'll probably hate Bill more than anyone. She'll probably want to bury him alive just as soon say 'hello' but we may be able to get her to pretend."

"Oh." Hoyt nodded.

"What if Pam won't do it? Who else can we get?" Hunter asked.

"Well," Amelia said thoughtfully, "we'd have to find someone else who likes Sookie and would want to save her from marrying the Douche Bag."

"Um," Hunter pondered. "Who likes Sook and would want to help save her from Bill?"

"Sam" Hoyt suggested.

"Sam's a guy you fucktard." Hunter looked wide-eyed at his brother.

"Shut up, Hunt. You've been riding me all fucking day. Quit it. Ame just said who liked Sook," Hoyt defended himself. "And all I'm saying is Sam likes her."

"Yeah and Sam likes girls. We can't get Sam to go after Bill. People don't just go gay. It's in your blood. Either you're born gay or not. Or you're like Ame." Hunter shrugged and looked at his sister.

"Besides," Hoyt pointed out, "Sam likes Sookie. Maybe he would want to date Sookie."

Amelia, only half listening to her brothers' conversation, was trying to weigh the possibility of Sam. Everyone was always saying that she and Sook were a lot alike and while Amelia liked Sam, she couldn't imagine dating someone like him—and it wasn't just the penis thing. She could be persuaded to the dark side for the right XY. No, she could more easily envision having Sam as a pet, maybe a dog— loyal, housebroken, and always underfoot—than a boyfriend. Yeah. No challenge. Sook needed someone to butt heads with. She was too used to being a controlling pain in the ass. A relationship that didn't allow her an opportunity to put her most high-handed domineering face forward would just not be fulfilling. Sam might as well be a woman he's such a sissy, always all emo pussyfooting. That's why Sook never dated him. She's too bossy. He's too wimpy. Ame sighed. She was finally shaken from her internal dialogue when she heard her name called.

"Ame, you got any ideas?" Hunter and Hoyt both looked so worried at that point. Amelia could barely stifle a snicker.

"You two are such babies. I forget that sometimes."

"Hey, fuckall, Ame," Hunter was outraged. "Just because you busted out your boobs to your principal doesn't make you all grown-up."

"Yeah, Ame," Hoyt agreed.

"Okay, so this is what we're gonna do…" Amelia proceeded to tell them what they were going to do.

AN: Thank you! Just so you know, things are going to get a little crazy. Rereaders, don't forget the Funniest Character poll on my FF profile! Pam's still in the lead but Hunter won on a separate poll on my blog. New readers, yes, this is why Hunter comes in second. BTW, we're hitting the storylines that were most definitely NOT included in the original Elizabeth Cadell book. I told you ROTSS is like 3X as long as the original book.

If you want more of the Miniature Stackhouses, let me know! Sequel's in the works!

:D