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This story is rated M

I do not own Naruto or any of the characters.

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If I Were Her

Chapter 26.

I sleep on the couch and wake up to walk through my morning routine like a zombie. I wear a solid black dress with black hose and heels. The safe in the bottom of the closet catches my eye and I sink to my knees and tug on the door. It's still locked, of course, and I don't have the combination.

A few minutes later, I stand in the kitchen, unsure what to do with myself, and dare to try to call Sasuke. Each ring is like a kunai stabbing me in the heart until his voice mail sounds. I don't leave a message this time, either. I dial Gabby and get her husband. The funeral won't be until next week, because of some kind of research testing. It's in North Dakota. He'll have Sasuke get me the details.

In the lobby, I find Kakashi. "I want my car."

"Ms. Har-"

"I want my car, Kakashi."

His dark eyes narrow sharply. "Mr. Uchiha-"

"Isn't here."

"You do know you have to remain cautious."

"Yes. I'm aware, but I still want my car."

He gets my car and I settle into the seat, whishing I'd never left the safety of what I knew behind. Everything is broken. I am broken. I don't even remember the drive.

The first thing I find when I arrive at work is a white envelope with my name scribbled on it in what I think is Naruto's handwriting. I sit down and tear it open to find my commission due of fifty thousand dollars, signed by Naruto. There's a note attached.

Ms. Haruno:

Under the circumstances, I cut the check early. There is peace of mind and freedom of choice to having money in the bank. After last night, I thought you might need some. If you need to take time off for the funeral, it's yours.

Bossman

While I appreciate the money, I can't help but think of the irony of his words considering how I'd earned the payment. I hold the check to my big forehead and relive the wine tasting and the moment Sasuke had confronted Naruto and demanded this commission for me. "I came here tonight to support Sakura. I expect her to get the commission off my sales." When I'd asked him why he'd done it, he'd said it was so Naruto wouldn't gobble me up and destroy me. Then he'd kissed me for the first time, and I was his from that point on. "And I still am," I whisper, folding it sticking it in my wallet. The problem is, I don't think he's mine. I don't think he ever truly was.

It's a daunting, gut-churning thought that has me sitting at my desk, unable to think of what to do with myself. No. Sitting in Hinata's desk. Who am I kidding? This is her life, her world. I am an intruder who owes her more than stealing her job. It is this thought that sets me on fire. I shut the door and start digging through everything in her office. Opening books, folders, magazines, and I hit a jackpot. Flat against the shelf, hidden behind other books, is another journal. I pull it out to read. A few pages into it, I realize she'd used it to detail an investigation into the fraudulent art she believed Temari has delivered to Riptide. There are notes about Kiba Inuzuka evaluating the pieces. I do a quick Google search of Kiba Inuzuka and discover he'd considered an authentication expert in certain types of art. There are no indications in Hinata's notes of him looking at the art in question.

I dial Kiba. He answers immediately. "Bella-"

"Meet me at the coffee shop."

"Fifteen minutes."

Adrenaline rushes through me like wildfire and I flip through the records Naruto gave me for Riptide to find the pieces Hinata has listed in her notes. They sold right after she left, or rather, disappeared. I shift from the paper reports to my computer and print details on those pieces and the new ones Temari has listed for the next auction. I slip them into my briefcase, snatch my purse and coat, and, already standing, I dial Naruto's office. He doesn't answer.

Heading to the hallway, I pause by Hanabi's desk. "I'm meeting a client next door. Is Naruto in the gallery?"

"No. He won't be in until after lunch but he told me to tell you he canceled your meeting with Gaara for tonight. He thought you might want to choose the date to reschedule."

I hate how appreciative I am of this news. I have dreamed of this job, this life that has now become a little piece of hell.

Temari appears at the opposite side of Hanabi's desk. My cheeks heat with the certainty she is somehow involved in Hinata's disappearance. "Call me if Naruto gets in before I get back, please," I say to Hanabi, and rush to the door, eager to talk to Kiba.

Entering Ava's shop, I inhale the scent of coffee and sweets and manage an awkward wave in her direction. Kiba is already there, and I settle at the table across from him, trying not to look at the table Sasuke always sits at. But I do. I look as if he will magically appear, and I swallow the emotions his absence stirs.

"Did you locate a number for Hinata?" Kiba inquires urgently.

"No. Sorry. But I am following up on something she was working on. Did she as you about a couple of counterfeit paintings?" I pull out my folder and show them to Kiba. "Did you look at these for her?"

"Oh yes. I remember Hinata mentioning her concern but nothing beyond a verbal inquiry. She never got me what I needed to evaluate the work."

"What exactly would you need?"

"I can begin with digital photos but ideally I'll want to examine the actual work."

"How much per item?"

"I don't charge. I feel it decreases my credibility."

I slide the folder over to him. "I have the details for each work and digital photos. Two of the four pictured are in the Allure Gallery. Two are not. Please. Will you look into them for me?"

"This is related to Hinata's worries?"

"Yes."

"Do you think it has something to do with why she disappeared?"

Disappeared. The word hangs in the air and I remind myself to be cautious. Have I just made a mistake? Could he be involved with Temari? "Doubtful," I reply. "I don't think she went very far with this."

His eyes narrow and his answer comes slowly. "Very well, Bella. I'll look into it." He scoops up the folder. "Shall I walk you to the gallery?"

"No. Thank you. I'll stay a bit."

I watch him leave and consider calling Naruto, but hesitate. Not for the first time, I wonder if Naruto could be involved. The first two pieces Hinata questioned sold for large sums of money. I dial Genma instead.

I tell him what I have discovered and hear only silence on the other end before he says, "You do know I am a former ATF, and art theft and counterfeiting operations is one of our specialties, correct?"

"I didn't really put that together in a two-and-two kind of way."

"Well, now I've done it for you and yes, I believe there is something going on and I am dealing with it. You, however, are not supposed to be asking questions. I repeat, we are aware of the situation and PS: I'm handling Kiba Inuzuka."

"Is Naruto involved."

"Naruto Uzumaki is a lot of things, but as far as I can tell a thief isn't one of them. I'm not prepared to rule out all possibilities quite yet, though."

"Do you... do you think Hinata got close to this and someone..."

"I have nothing to connect her disappearance to the art scam but it's a logical link. In other words, stay out of this. If I had my way I'd put you on a place to L.A. to be with Sasuke."

If I had my way, I'd be on a plane to be with Sasuke, too. I end the call and dial Sasuke again. He doesn't answer. I clutch my phone and wonder what kind of clubs they have in Los Angeles. I wonder what he will do to hide from his pain and I wonder who he will do it with. I dial Gabby and her husband, only to learn she's highly sedated and a mess. I hang up and certainty fills me. Unless Sasuke incites me he will be upset that I show up and Gabby will be upset because he'd upset. It's clear that the life I'd convinced myself was mine never was. I can't even properly grieve a brave young boy without feeling like an intruder.

Defeated, I gather my things and start for the door but draw up short when Gaara and Naruto walk in. The two of them together are pure testosterone in their perfectly fitted suits, and complete contrast with their light hair. The masculine beauty they ooze is almost a crime, and downright blinding to us normal humans.

"Hey, pinky," Gaara says to me, and gives me a once-over that is thorough and somehow manages not to be obnoxious. "You look gorgeous."

His natural charm pulls a small smile from me. I think it's the warmth in his seam foam green eyes, so unlike the hard glint permanently etched in Naruto's. "Thanks, Gaara, but I am far from it today."

"Is the black dress an indicator you are flying out to L.A.?" Naruto inquires.

"No. As of now, I'm not going." It hits me that Ava will tell Naruto I was with Kiba. "I came over here to meet with Kiba again, but it's still a no-go for his business. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment."

Gaara's eyes darken.

"Yes," Naruto agrees wryly. "I do believe you are."

Inwardly, I bristle at his reference to Sasuke, and I'm fighting a snippy "he's my kind of punishment" when the door chimes behind us. Avoiding incoming bodies, Gaara steps closer to me at the same time Naruto does. I end up smashed against Naruto, staring up into his piercing blue eyes. My pulse skyrockets and I step backward. "I should get back to the gallery."

Naruto's lips quirk. "I don't bite, Ms. Haruno."

"Somehow, I doubt that's true." It's out before I can stop it.

Naruto arches an arrogant brow and Gaara laughs good-naturedly. "Oh yes. I love a woman with some bite of her own. But before you run off to the gallery, Sakura, the art you ordered for the demo unit came in. If you come back to the property with me, you can help direct the maintenance team to place it where you want it."

I cast Naruto a questioning look. He motions me forward. "Go. See the art you loved enough to buy and make us all money by completing the deal. It'll make you feel better. I know it will make you feel better."

The only thing that is going to make me feel better is hearing from Sasuke.

"Then I guess I'm going to the property, should I follow you, Gaara?"

"Sure." His hand settles casually on my shoulder, a bold touch when he barely knows me, but he's a friendly guy. "Let me just get some coffee for the road. You want some?"

"More caffeine is always on my to-do list," I joke, then turn to head to the counter only to find that Ava is no longer here. It strikes me as off, albeit for no identifiable reason. Even odder, it's an impression that I don't shake until I'm at Gaara's property, directly over the ocean, inside the elegant apartment with a wall of windows much like those at Sasuke's apartment. I walk over to the white marble fireplace, which contrasts with a deep mahogany floors, and stare at the blank wall above it. I intended the wall to hold a Sasuke Uchiha original. It's as empty as I am.

Six days after Sasuke's departure, and only a few days until October 1 start of school for Ino, I am climbing my office walls, willing both of them to call me. It's Thursday and nearly noon, and for the first time all week, I try to truly prepare myself for this breakup with Sasuke. I even dress in my old clothes, a simple black skirt and red silk blouse. Arranging to have my things moved back to my apartment is inevitable. I'd rather do it now than have Sasuke return and do it for me.

Feeling more like the kept woman my mother was to an absent man, I am eager to escape the confines of the gallery. Out of worry for Sasuke's peace of mind, I do as I have been for days, and report to Kakashi before heading to the deli three blocks down the read. Once there, I order an egg salad sandwich and find a back corner table and shove my food aside. I can't eat. I haven't been able to eat since Sasuke left.

The bell on the door chimes and I look up to find Naruto and Ava walking into the deli. The way she's looking at him scorches me from clear across the restaurant. I feel sorry for her husband, trying to compete with Naruto. He doesn't have a chance.

Naruto's gaze lifts and collides with mine. He whispers something to Ava and steps away from her, and for a moment I see a spark of something that looks downright evil on Ava's face. Whoa-that's new. I think I've sensed this in her, but seeing it is a jolt of reality. That woman hates me.

Naruto joins me without asking, sitting directly across from me at a table more for one than two. "You plan to eat that sandwich or watch it like TV?"

"Ah, now there's that sense of humor I thought you reserved only for e-mails and text messages."

He doesn't laugh. "You look thin." He shoves the sandwich toward me. "Eat."

Surprisingly, he's been quite the doting daddy for a Master who wields a wicked whip, but he's right in this care. I've dropped five pounds I didn't have to lose, but regardless of his good intentions, I truly am not in the mood to be pushed. "I don't want to eat and don't order me around like I'm your submissive. I'm not."

"Ms. Haruno-"

"Sakura," I snap, on edge, and irritated that I feel like we've created a friendship this past week and he still can't use my name. "Why can't you call me Sakura like you call Hanabi, Hanabi?"

He gives me one of those unreadable, impossible intense blue stares. "All right then, Sakura. I'm worried about you."

"Don't be."

He leans in closer. "What can I do?"

"Nothing. Nothing that you haven't already. I know you convinced Gaara to let me decorate the lobby of the property. It helped. It kept me busy and I do appreciate that."

"Gaara's fond of you. We have to milk it for all the business we can."

"Right." I give a laugh. "It's always about money for you, isn't it?"

"Money is power."

So Sasuke once told me. "And we both know how much you like power."

His brow lift. "Do we?"

"We do," I assure him.

He leans back in his seat and his lips twitch. "Well, as long as we have that settled." He pauses, his mouth tightening, and I sense the subject change before it comes. "Have you heard from him?"

"No." I try to laugh without humor but it comes out more of a strangled sound. "I guess I didn't do a very good job of getting through to him like you thought I would." I rub at the tension in my shoulder. A burning question constantly on my mind presses me to take advantage of having Naruto's rare casual mood and full attention. "Why, Naruto?"

"Why what, Sakura."

"Why did you both need that place?"

He appears undaunted by the question. "I told you. It's different for everyone, and Sasuke and I are as night and day as it comes. He wants to punish himself. The pain is who he is. It controls him."

"And you?" I whisper.

The steely glint I know well appears his eyes, and I watch the man transform into the Master who is intensely, impossibly provocative, able to seduce a room just by existing. "Nothing controls me but me. I am who I am and I enjoy every moment of it, and so do those who enter my domain. I make sure of it."

I am captivated by his stare, lost in this man who is all power and sexuality, but even more so by the idea of having such a confidence and control myself. He seems to sense this or perhaps he can easily read my expression, and he leans in closer, softening his voice to a seductive purr. "I would never put my pleasure, or my pain, for that matter ahead of your needs, Sakura."

I am sure that his vow is meant to lure me deeper under his spell, but it doesn't work. It smacks me in the face with possibilities I don't want to consider and jerks me into defensive mode. I sit back sharply. "He doesn't do that. Sasuke doesn't put himself ahead of me."

"What do you call what he's done, Sakura?"

"He's trying to protect me."

"And how does that protection feel? Because you aren't eating and you aren't sleeping. If that is how he protects you, he's failed."

"Like you failed Hinata."

He shocks me by visibly flinching, proving again that he is not without a weakness where Hinata is concerned. "She wanted what I don't have to give, what I never promised."

"Which is what?"

"The façade of love. The same potion that leaves your sandwich sitting here uneaten. Think about what his fairy tale of love you're created is doing to you. When you're ready to get rid of that spiteful emotion, I'll show you how, believe it." He pushes to his feet. "We have the open house tonight at the property. We leave at six forty-five. I'm driving."

It's me who flinches as he walks away.

I'm pleased to score a large late afternoon sale, but it delays Naruto and me from departing the gallery at the time planned, and we arrive at the open house with only forty-five minutes left before it ends. At the front door of the thirty-floor high-rise on the oceanfront, Naruto maneuvers the Jag under the front door overhang and two valets open our doors. When Naruto rounds the vehicle to join me, his hand settles a bit too possessively on my back.

The lobby is crowded, warmed by a gas fireplace framed in stone, and furnished with clusters of rich brown leather chairs and several paintings I personally selected. People mill around everywhere, drinks in hand. Naruto and I make our way through the visitors, mingling and prospecting for new sales. Gaara finds us quickly, looking stunning in a red silk tie that contrasts with his pin-striped suit, making his neatly groomed red hair brighter.

He takes my hand and kisses it. "You look lovely, Pinky." He leans in my ear. "Far better than any of the masterpieces here tonight."

My cheeks heat with the compliment I don't deserve, considering the expensive dresses and suits being elegantly worn by the guests. "I should have changed."

"Nonsense," he says. "You look marvelous. Why don't we head upstairs to the demo unit? There are a number of guests there you can impress with your knowledge of art."

Inside the twentieth-floor apartment, I spend the next half hour happily chatting with guests and I try to lose myself in the thrill of discussing the art I've chosen for the project. It's a difficult task, since the Sasuke Uchiha cityscape I purchased from a local resident for my blank wall is a constant reminder of him.

When the crowd clears I find myself alone, seduced into the deep thought by the dimly lit elegant space and soft music humming in the background. I find myself dreading the empty apartment awaiting me. "It's a wrap," Gaara announces, and I turn to find both him and Naruto walking toward me. "The lobby is clear and we've locked up here."

Leaning against the mahogany railing spanning the middle of the ceiling-to-floor window, I feel a charge in the air-the sensation of being prey to not one lion, but two, as they each stop beside me, sandwiching me between them.

"The night was a success, Ms. Haruno," Naruto says in praise. "You've proven to be quite the asset."

Even the caged animal I have become these past few days, more now than ever, hungers for this man's compliments, and I tell myself it's about my job and nothing more. "I've tried." My voice comes out shaky and affected, and I can feel how losing Sasuke has made me revert backward, angry at how easily I still fall prey to a need for approval from men like Naruto and Sai.

Gaara brushes my hair over my shoulder, and despite the gentleness of the touch, it's too intimate, and I tense, jerking my gaze to his. "Poor Sakura," he murmurs. "You have such pain in your eyes."

"I'm... I'm fine."

"No," Gaara insists gently. "You're not. I've watched you bleeding emotionally all week."

"You have to let him go."

Naruto proves his ease at stirring my defenses once again, and I turn to him, finding him closer than I'd thought. My thigh brushes his and I feel it like a second jolt. "No," I choke out. "I can't." I back up and Gaara's hands go to my waist. I'm that caged animal again, a deer caught by two predators.

Naruto claims the space I'd created and his leg presses to mine. "You can't or you won't?"

The urge to bolt is stilled when Gaara leans in, his chin nuzzling my hair as he whispers, "He let go. You have to, too."

I'm shaken by how right he might be, and how wrong I burn for him to be. "It's too soon." It's too soon.

Naruto's hands settle on my shoulders, branding me. "I refuse to watch you hurt like this one more day. Let go, Ms. Haruno."

He leans in, his head slowly lowering, the punishingly sensual like of his mouth nearing mine. "Think about it," he urges softly. "To feel nothing but pleasure. To expect nothing more."

Gaara's thumb stroke my waist. "To stop hurting," he adds.

The heat of Naruto's breath teasing my cheek, the spicy, powerful scent of him overwhelms me, and for just a moment I am weak enough to want what these two men offer me. Sasuke doesn't want me. He has all but kicked me out of what he'd called my home. Stay until the Hinata thing is over. Just thinking about it slices through my very soul.

"Just let go," Naruto murmurs, his fingers settling on my cheek at the same time Gaara slides his hand to my stomach, his hand going lower by the second.

It all happens in a matter of nanoseconds, Naruto's lips brush onto my jaw, placing warm wet kisses down to my throat, and then right back up to my cheek, inching closer to my lips. His lips press against mine, while Gaara's right hand is rubbing my sex and cupping my behind with his left. Each time there is more pressure to his touch. Gaara's lips start kissing his way from my neck to my shoulders, while Naruto presses his lips with more force against mine, holding both of my hands to my sides, keeping me in place.

Warmth spreads through me and then transforms, twisting and turning inside me, spiraling into the acid depths of darkness, to a place I remember too well. A place Sai took me two years before.

"No!" I shove against Naruto. "No. No. No."

"Ms.-"

"No, Naruto. Let me go, both of you." Gaara's hands slide from my body and a bit of relief washes over me, but Naruto is still touching me, now holding onto my arms. "Let go!"

They both step away from me as if burned, and I dart from between them in a rush of adrenaline, shaking. I all but run to the exit stairwell and start down the stairs. Ten floors down, I regret the walk, but I keep moving, despising what Naruto and Gaara have tried stirred inside me. How they're tried to steal what hope I have left for Sasuke and me. How I was almost weak enough to let them convince me I could do no better than submitting to their control.

Reaching the bottom of the stairwell, on shaky legs, I draw a calming breath and exit, promising myself I will not lose it until I'm alone, when I know I am already a volcanic mess, burning alive from inside out.

I manage well enough until I step onto the automatic door sensor and Naruto appears beside me. "Saku-"

"Don't. Leave me alone, Naruto."

"I'll take you to your car."

"No. I don't need a ride."

"I was trying to help," he says defensively as we step outside. "I can help."

The instant I see the valet area is clear of people I whirl on him. "What happened up there shouldn't have happened." Anger radiates from deep in my soul, lacing my words. "It can't happen again. Ever." Urgent to get away from him, I turn to my right and stop dead in my tracks to find Sasuke standing there.

"Sasuke," I gasp, my gaze hungrily drinking in the sight of him in all his leather and denim glory. His presence is a sweet relief, filling empty spaces, allowing me to breath again.

He glares over my shoulder at Naruto. "What just happened that can't happen again?"

"You're ripping her to shreds, Sasuke," he replies with unmistakable contempt.

Sasuke's obsidian eyes sharpen and he takes a threatening step around me and toward Naruto. I jump in front of him, pressing my hands to his chest to stop his progress. Touching him is heaven. "No. Don't."

His lashes lower, his eyes resting on my face. "What happened, Sakura?"

Naruto answers before I can. "What happened is that she's melting away to nothing over you, bastard."

Sasuke's head lifts, the fury deep in his eyes as he fixes them on Naruto again. "We both know what this is about and I suggest you don't go there."

"You suggest," Naruto repeats with disdain. "You're good at suggesting what you can't do yourself."

Sasuke starts for him again and I wrap my arms around him. "No. Please."

The two men stare at each other, Sasuke's chest heaving under my hand. "Walk away, Naruto," Sasuke warns. "Walk away now before I don't let you."

"Naruto, please," I plead over my shoulder.

He hesitated. "If you need me, Sakura, you know how to find me." I hear his footsteps and Sasuke remains stiff, on edge, until I assume Naruto is gone.

Sasuke's attention slides to me for an instant, his fingers untangling my arms from around him, banding my wrist as he starts walking, all but dragging me toward the Harley parked near the door. "Sasuke-"

"Don't talk, Sakura. Not now. Not when I'm pissed." He stops at the bike and shoves a leather jacket my size at me. I stare down at it. He bought me a jacket? "Put it on, Sakura."

"I'm wearing a skirt. I can't ride the bike."

"Get on, or I'll rip the damn thing to put you on this bike."

I put the jacket on. He shoves a helmet at me. "And this."

The instant I place it on my head, he tugs me forward and I yank my skirt up, sliding my leg over the bike. Sasuke shackles my wrists and pulls them around him.

I begin to panic. I've never been on a bike. What if I fall off?

He revs the engine, rolls backward, and then in a roar of escalation we are on the highway, the cold ocean air blistering my bare legs. Sasuke speeds up and I bury my face against him. We travel the twisting roads, and he speeds up, faster and faster still. He won't slow down. He won't stop. He's going to kill us.

I'm sorry for any misspelling there might be on this chapter, I was just so excited about writing I couldn't stop my hands from typing away.

I will be updating in a few days, maybe.

thank you so much for your time!

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