Discalimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN!
Interview 22: Café Hell!
Shirou: are you're sure this is the place?
Momoko: yes it is
The two look at the cafe that's bustling with people as the waitress scramble to deliver food and take orders... I spy Subaru roller skating with a plate of steak and Young Fate taking an order… while wearing maid outfits... THIS IS HEVEAN!!!
Momoko: let's go to that statue wearing a suit
The two walk up to the statue that's wearing a suit that's acting as the bouncer... that's no freaking statue... its the Marine... wearing a freaking suit over his armour again!
Marine: ah, we've been expecting you Mrs and Mr Takamachi
Shirou: have you?
Marine: yes, just a moment please.
The Marine rings a small bell, from the crowd of waitress and waiters Yunno appears wearing a suit like the rest of them... what's going on here?
Yunno: good to see you, I'll show you to your table
Momoko: oh my, you look charming Yunno
Shirou: yes you do... could you explain what's this about?
Gestures to Alicia taking someone's orders before moving off to the kitchen where we glimpse the Samurai dicing and slicing the ingredients, with his camera sword, while the Ninja is cooking in Ninja style... back flipping while flipping a sunny side up egg is the way to do it!
Yunno: Arf purchased a restaurant and asked us all to lend her a hand
Shirou: that might explain why everyone is working… but why the maid uniform and suits?
Yunno: we had to ask Hayate help and she provided them for us
Momoko: how nice to know she's helping you
Yunno: yes… anyway I don't see Kyoya and Miyuki today?
Shirou: oh, they said they're skipping today's interview because they're meeting a distance relative of ours
Cameraman: who's that?
Momoko: he's called Death Glasses, he teaches at a place called Mahora Academy
Cameraman: by any chance he's like the White Devil but worst?
Shirou: oh no he's not like our daughter, who she tends to leave splatter marks of her targets
Vivi: Nanoha-mama is strong!
Yunno: could be worst I guess
Momoko: did we mention that Miyuki and Kyoya are training with him?
Somewhere in the most deadly region of... somewhere… the two Takamachi are now been trained by their distance relative... as if they weren't bad enough!
Death Glasses: I see you two are better than I expected
Miyuki: we can't lose to our dear little Nanoha when it comes down to slaughtering people just because we haven't been seen or heard in Strikers
Kyoya: it's good that we can go out and brush up on our skills
Death Glasses: you did well in slaughtering all those rabid dragon fans.
Behind him is at least five large black dragons who are waving flags of devotion to the infamous black lightning Fate… damn, Fate even manage to charm freaking dragons!
Fan: I'am more devoted than any over grown lizard!
Death Glasses: oh is that so?
Fan: I'll prove it!
Miyuki: OK, go kill the dragon president of the Fate fan club while we go off and take a rest.
Kyoya: I wonder do they have some orange juice.
The fan wonders what they're on about when he heard the beating wings of something big, slowly he turns round to find a huge black dragon, bigger than the other dragons the defeated ones,, on it's side it has the picture of Fate in Sonic form painted on it… who needs a freaking plane when you got a Dragon with our lovely Fate on it!
The scream of the fan as it's slowly roasted over a pit of lava for it's stupid assumption that it could beat it's devotion to Fate… BT would still make mince meat of that dragon!
Yunno: anyway please have a seat, would you like some refreshment before we start?
Momoko: I would like some tea
Shirou: I would like some as well
Yunno: of course
Ringing a small bell attach to his belt came Vivi dressed in a little maid outfit while holding a tray of silverware and the tea as well… so cute!!!... hold a sec did Vivi brew that!
Vivi: here you are uncle!
Yunno: have you forgotten what your older self told you when you finish serving something?
Vivi: ooops, I forgot
Yunno: never mind, but make sure you say it next time
Vivi: OK~~~~!
Vivi runs off happily back to the mad kitchen when the Samurai is now slicing up a charging bull while the Ninja is now deep frying a giant man eating squid armed with his Ninja frying pans… is it even save to send such a cute and small girl into that!
Yunno: anyway we have some question from Retarded Fool, the first lot is for Shiro.
Shiro: OK
Yunno: First off this is a statement, "You're one luck prik! Having Momoko's body to yourself"
Shiro: must... not... go... killing...
Yunno: anyway "why do you not teach martial arts to Nanoha?"
Shiro: I did but after she began using magic she said it's much easier to inflict pain without the necessary broken bones been a problem
Yunno: could it also be that she can destroy things which isn't possible with Martial arts... like tanks?
Shiro: actually I could split a Jumbo jet if I wanted to, but I thought best not to teach Nanoha that skill since she can shoot down from a sniper distance
The other customers went dead silent and wonder is the Takamachi family all nutters for destruction... I wonder is there an insurance group that deals with the Takamachi family as a whole?
Yunno: second question, "did you have any problems with assassins trying to hack you from the back?"
Shiro: I'm afraid all the assassins are too honourable to strike me from the back
A man on the street runs and jumps over the fence to attack Shiro from behind but before he could land on his feet a plant pot from out of nowhere lands on the poor assassin head... a big plant pot... divine intervention anyone?
Yunno: I'll take your word for it
Momoko: I recall one assassin who try to come at us from behind while we were on holiday was hit by a Geyser and sent straight into a fifty feet drop over a water fall
Yunno: ...moving on, "have you ever cheated on Momoko?"
Shiro: would hugging my beloved daughters be considered cheating?
Vivio: grand dad loves all of his children to the point where Momoko calls it cheating
Shiro: well I do love my children and Grand children very much
Yunno: then divulging a little, "what would you do if BT became Vivio's husband?"
Shiro: I don't see any problems with that, he's a fine man
Yunno nods but gives a shifty look over to the roof where BT is now practicing what appears to be a martial arts with the sun behind him... BT has a bandanna with the rising sun on it... that's a hint!
Customer: I got a question
Shiro: go on then
Customer: were you really going to kill Yunno when you first saw Vivi?
Shiro: of course I wasn't going to kill him
Momoko: he said he was only going to skin him alive over a ten month period while in his ferret form over a slowly burning coal fire
Shiro and Momoko laughs at the seemingly funny joke while everyone else looks worried, Yunno on the other hand looks down right scared that he nearly ended up in that kind of situation... it could be worst, replace the fire with Fate rage...
Yunno: anyway the next set of question is for Momoko.
Momoko: please ask
Yunno: OK... errr... do you mind if they're personal?
Momoko: depends really
Yunno:... OK "may I ask of your three sizes? XD"
Momoko: oh that, I'll tell you
Momoko: whispers into Yunno ear of her measurements while everyone try to hear what it could be, when they finish Yunno looks at Momoko over at least twice then shook his head... errr,... you know Yunno you've become the object of envy for everyone man in this place!
Yunno: I won't even dare comment
Momoko: do you think I'm lying?
Yunno: nope, I'm afraid of the people who might come and turn me into steak just to find out!
Arf: would it make you feel better there is an organisation that is geared to turning you into a steak pie should they ever get their hands on you?
Yunno: that's reassuring... anyway next question, "are you worried when Nanoha became a mage and had to do dangerous jobs to save worlds?"
Momoko: not at all, after all she does more dangerous stuff than that before she became a mage
Yunno: like what?
Momoko: like having to live in our house where we get admirers keep coming round our house every single day, they usually climb through Nanoha's window, only to have our precious daughter beat them up with her nail baseball bat she used before she obtained magical powers
Yunno: that's reassuring... hold a sec by any chance the base ball bat Caro is using is...
Momoko: yes it is, I heard she's using it to disciple her husband and anyone she don't like
Everyone wondered where the base ball bat came from, now they all know it use to be the property of the White Devil... that might explain why Caro likes using it whenever she can!
Yunno: OK final question from RF... "do you like Lindy-san?"
Momoko: oh yes I do
Everyone: EH!
Momoko: we get on so well, we talk about our daughters and how they grown and how much they looks like us in looks or personality, we even started talking about when will they get married
Yunno: that's nice to know...
Young Nanoha: get your hands off my Fate!
A customer was helping Fate take the heavy dish from her overloaded tray when he get's blasted at point blank range by a Divine Shoot... the guy was helping Fate!!!
YF: Arhhhh.... are you OK!!!!
Customer: errrk....
YN: he's still alive!!!!
Zafira: wait!!!!
Vivio: stop!!!
Subaru: turn him to dust!!!!
Everyone rush in to the save the guy but as YN powers up another attack YF grabs hold of YN who instantly stops and have a massive nose bleed... best way to stop her is to make her spurt blood!
Shiro: won't this bother the customers?
BT: they're fine, we already told them about this happening before they sat down, even the menu has it written that these things might happen
Momoko: what are you wearing BT?
BT stood next to Yunno in a boxing outfit, behind him a boxing ring has been set up and Zeck is his opponent… BT isn't allowed to use his chair… which mean's BT is going to truly die!!!!
BT: just a little entertainment for our customers with me boxing Zeck
Yunno: I'm thankful that Zeck is now back to normal muscle lover guy than when he was a cross dressing muscle lover
BT: I told him that his muscles will lose their manliness if he was to carry on… he immediately challenge me to a boxing match
Shirou: I doubt you'll win though
Momoko: BT is so handy with his chair in crowd clearing, and letting me sit on it when I'm tired stomping the enemies pride and joy
BT: who said I don't have my chair?
Undoing his left glove BT reach in with his left hand, which disappeared into the glove, then retrieves the ominous black chair from inside with ease… two facts I like to point out, BT is going to get disqualified for having that, and secondly BT just ripped off the magic bag gag… except it's a boxing glove…
Yunno: isn't that been a little extreme?
BT: you have a point, I'll get rid of the others
Shiro: what others?
BT tips the glove upside down and shakes it, all manner of weapons began dropping out of it which range from grenades to a tank… why is that stuff in there… and could we really call the picture of Zeck posing with his brand new bikini tan line a weapon… hold a sec *Commentator is now ripping his hair out for just noticing the said picture*
BT: that's better
Everyone:…
Zeck: come and tastes the fist of the manly muscles that can shatter the heavens and create worlds with!
BT: OK I'm coming, I'll leave the rest to you Yunno…
BT runs off to the ring to fight Zeck while Yunno wonders should he call the Ambulance in case Zeck might need it… why not call the Grim Reaper instead, I would.
Cameraman: hate to be the boss right now
Yunno: maybe… anyway let's carry on with our ne…
Before Yunno could continue a large mob of Fans carrying banners with "KILL THE BEAST" and "DEATH TO THE PERVERTED ONE"… Yunno, your fan club just arrived.
Fans: KILL THE BEAST!!!!
Yunno: can't we talk this over?
Fan: NEVER!!!!!
Yunno: in that case
Yunno rings his bell and in a flash appears the BT brigade all in their glorious suits in front of Yunno, everyone of them is ready to beat anyone that threatens their master, also standing on each side of Yunno is Fate and Nanoha… Yunno that lucky sod to have Fate and Nanoha standing beside him in maid uniforms!
Fan: the beast must die!!!
Marine: will it be OK if we break everyone bone in their body
Marine clicks his fist with gleeful happiness as his fist began to burn with passion of how many fans he's going to clobber... that chalk board behind the Marine isn't helping me feel relieved... why in donkeys name do the Cameraman got the most kills???
Samurai: I'll use my Kendo stick to minimize the damage
The Samurai brings out a well used and bloodied Kendo stick, some of the charging fans turn round and ran away in fear of the bloody stick... as if that's going to minimize damage when I seen you cut down steel girders with that thing!
Ninja: my soup will need attention soon
Brings out a hot Frying pan and Mini Butcher Knives while reading a book on making the best dish while slaughtering fans, the author is none other than the great chef Fate!!! ... who wants Fan soup?
Pirate: me customers will be wailing for me rum soon!
Whips out his pen that turns itself into a Rapier, the parrot holding the pad tucks it into the Pirates jacket before whipping out a pistol as big as itself with one claw from under it's wing... I've heard the phrase "the Pen is mightier than the sword," but this is plain ridiculous... and don't even get my started with the parrot and his pistol!
Cameraman: let the glorious of these muscles burn into your visage!
Everyone stare at the Cameraman with an urge to take an axe to him and other kind of death dealing and painful things as the fans simply fall to the ground while crying that the horror apprentice has returned to haunt them... MUSCLE LOVERS WILL DIE!!!!
Fans: DEATH TO THE FOUL FOLLOWERS OF THE PERVERTED BEAST!!!!!!!!
Yunno: can someone please switch over to advertisement, please?
The screen goes blank then lights up to show Yunno basking in the warm sun in some beach while sunbathing close by is Vivio, Fate and Nanoha all in skimpy bikinis... nose bleed galore!
Yunno: This is the best...
A pod drops down and lands next to Yunno, the metal door of the pod pops open and from inside steps a man in a space suit with a DVD box in his hand... talks about farfetched!
Yunno: BT?
BT: yep, today I'm here to advertise the second box volume of Interview Hell
Yunno: well folks if you brought the first volume of Interview Hell, then don't miss out on the new second volume, which is full of those great moments when a guest appears
Screen shot of Subaru roller skating upside down just to get a picture of Nanoha that someone stuck on the ceiling of the newly built Interview Hell Studio... it was to test would it handle physical damage should someone punch it with gorilla like strength.
BT: why not listen to us of our thoughts after the interview?
The next clip shows BT discussing Vivio about Hayate and her cosplay madness after interviewing her, "what kind of sane person would submit to her for twenty four hours let alone two weeks?" Vivio shrugs, Vivi runs in and glomps BT… HARD!
Yunno: inside each of these boxes comes a music sound track composed by our star player and singer Arf, also featuring special sound tracks sung by our lovely Young Fate!
The Arf jumps in and begins to play her Guitar while BT brings out YF onto the stage, she sang a really nice song called "Innocent Starter" while blushing like a tomato, the Fans burst out of the sand like Ninjas and began cheering… two seconds later they're taken away while still on fire from the Plasma Lancer fired by the surprised YF.
BT: And finally a limited photo of all of us are inside, some even got random photos of us and our guests!
BT holds a picture of himself standing with Vivio and a heavily bandaged Subaru who is trying not to jump Vivio because of BT and his black chair
Yunno: so come down while stocks lasts
BT: please be informed that if Subaru appears then you should run away as fast as possible, especially if you have a photo of Young Nanoha in your possession
We return to find the café is running smoothly, a pile of smoking fans has been thrown out into the trash labelled "slaughtered fans" pile… I wonder how much will I make if I was to sell the video of that slaughter vest?
Shiro: I wonder could I borrow your workers?
Yunno: for what reason?
Momoko: we just received an evil mail saying that they'll be sending their best assassin to eliminate my husband in revenge of destroying one of their secret cafes
Shiro: I told their boss, while standing on top of his best bodyguards, that it was an accident, I was searching for our new pet cat that simply wondered into their dangerous café
Everyone stop what they are doing and look to one another wondering is he telling the truth… I don't recall the Takamachi family having a pet cat… unless you count Fate in a cat suit as their pet… errr… that's a pretty bad thought…
Yunno: anyway we have some questions from Major Mike Powell III
Momoko: would you mind telling us where he lives so I can deliver my special "cake" I've been meaning to give him?
Yunno:… sorry I can't for two reasons, the first been that if I did give you his address, you're going to give it to Nanoha… which wouldn't help our show rating at all, and secondly, we don't even know where he lives… he could be living in anther part of the galaxy for all we know
Cameraman: I would if I was sending regular questions that will get me atomized!
Yunno: anyway the first question, "Momoko-chan, what do you think of Lindy-sama?"
Momoko: well I only said so little about her the first time so I'll simply clarify that we do get along very well in other things beside just talking about our daughter
Yunno: like what?
Momoko: she tells me how she would teach Chrono from trying anything with his Fate, I gave her plenty of suggestions that I used on Kyoya
Yunno: Yes I s…WHAT!
Shiro: you see the fans have deduce that Kyoya and Miyuki are a couple, my wife had devised plenty of ways to keep that from happening… she even used a few of them on Kyoya when we found him in Miyuki's room
Cameraman: what could he want in his little sisters room?
Vivio stops by while Vivi delivers a drink to the customer, the patron stare down at the green sludge with the skeleton of what appears to be a miniature T-Rex… the new an improved Vivi Engery Drink X!!!!
Vivio: I recall uncle Kyoya said that he was asking for a rubber
Shiro: is that so?
Shiro has brought out his Katana and is now in rage mode, Momoko quickly fix that by slapping Shiro with her shoe which reverted him back to normal… if Momoko can control Shiro then who will control Momoko???
Yunno: moving on, "Had you ever met her before the 1º season of MSLN?"
Momoko: no, it's the first I've seen her and I have to admit she is very beautiful, just like little Fate
YF serves the coffee to Yunno who pats her on the head, she enjoys it and smiles causing a few of the customers to sigh in joy at the heavenly sight, even YN is too captivated by YF face to blast the customers… line up to get blasted by Starlight Breaker, it only costs your life!
Vivio: that's true Grandma, the next question, "She's HAWT!, isn't she? LOL"
Yunno: she already answered the question so let's move on to… not another one…
Vivio: what?
Yunno: "And what's your bra size? "
Vivio: geez, is that all they think about when a girl comes on the show, what's her three measurements? I'm glad he never asked for my measurements
Yunno: don't say that or he will
Vivio: I'm sure BT will simply hunt him down if he does
BT: what?
BT is wearing a long black trench coat with a sword on his back and two pistols at his side while wearing a pair of sunglasses… if you look closely behind him under the trench coat is a chair ready to be used!
Yunno: … "They're D's, aren't they? LMAO"
Vivio: the last question is… "Shiro, you're one lucky S.O.B."
At that precise moment an assassin leaps out from his hiding place to strike, only to find himself the object of "relief" of Shiro's rage… that's another assassin down… another twenty billion more to go
Pirate: arrrk, did someone let their ship illegally parked on myspace?
Customer: I believe so… what are you going to do about it?
Pirate: Fire the cannons me mateys!
The Pirate ship burst out of the ground with a giant drill, it destroys the enemies illegally parked ship and half the building as well… at least it wasn't the café that was damage…
Assassin: I shall avenge you all with my ultimate weapon that will eliminate anyone with a mere touch…
The assassin march up to the Marine who bare his way, the assassin looks up at the Marine then to his knife, he stabs at the Marine but found his knife snap against the Marines armour… do you know how much that suit costs us!!!
Marine: do you have a booking?
Assassin: no…
Marine: are you an assassin here to kill Shiro Takamachi?
Assassin: yes
Marine: in that case…
The Marine drags the poor assassin and three of his hiding friends to the back alley, the screams of immortal pain can be heard followed by the wailing of souls returning to oblivion… we're used to hearing those kinds of things after Zeck started cross dressing
Shiro: I'm very tempted in hiring them off you guys
Yunno: sorry I can't do that without Mr P permission
Vivio: Mr P do own them and BT so we can't really lend them to you even if we want to
Cameraman: then why did you loan BT to Hayate?
Yunno: it was an emgecy!
Cameraman: at least BT is back with us... if somewhat damaged
BT is fighitng the forde of crazy fanatical killers out for his life with his trusty chair, the immortal interveiwer is currnetly dressed in what appears to be something out of Final Fantasy... I wonder how much BT will fetch now that he's damaged by Hayate cosplay?
Yunno: I guess that take's care of that… anyway thank you for your time
Shiro: I rethought my opinion of you Yunno, you're a nice guy
Momoko: will you be willing to make him your son-in-law?
Shiro: why's that?
Yunno: well…umm….
Vivio: Nanoha-mama and Fate-mama said it's fine if Yunno was to marry both of them
Everyone: WHAT!!!!
Arisa: that damn ferret is going to do what with MY Nanoha???
Alicia: all hell just broke loose
Suzaka: oh my, thankfully I have Arisa
Subaru: NEVER WILL I HAND NANOHA OVER TO TH…grrrk
Subaru found herself tied up by at least a few dozen binds, before she could scream Tia grabs Subaru and runs off to the empty loft above the café… what are the chances are that Yunno cut a deal with Tia to do that… on second thought is it even safe to leave Subaru alone with Tia judgining from the evil laughter from Tia????
Vivio: next week we'll be interviewing Erio again, the reason behind it was that he's been sending mail upon mails for us to interview him separately from Caro… could this mean he wants a divorce from her?
Cameraman: are you trying to kill Erio with that suggestion with a chance his overzealous wife is watching?
Yunno: either way we'll be interveiwing Erio, so if you got any question for him please ask
Cameraman: the next thing I know BT is going to get married to Vivio and we'll dedicate one episode in interviewing him!
Yunno: that's an interesting thought... maybe we could finally ask him what's his feelings for Vivio are...
Vivio: oh stop it uncle!
Momoko: come to think about it I haven't see BT since the commercial.
Vivio: BT is currently gone to get Erio, he said that he'll be fine as long as Caro isn't around
Vivi: uncle BT took a box with him as well!
Reinforce: what could he possibly want with a box?
In the deepest and darkest place in Caro's domain, BT has cunningly slipped into the base and is locating Erio using the most famous covert tactic ever created… did I just saw BT wall run and back flip from wall to wall like a real Ninja???
BT: now take a left corner here than a right after wards… someone's coming!
BT dressed in what appears to be combat gear, from some character of a game, pulls a box out of thin air and hides inside it, two bunny rabbits carrying giant bloodied basket walk pass the box… ULTIMATE TECHNIQUE: HIDING IN BOX!!
BT: that was close… now I'll just creep a little this way…
The box BT in moves slowly round the corner and stops when the door in front of it opens, the one who just exit the door is the dark wife of horror of Erio, Caro… what's the chances are BT is having a heart attack now?
Caro: what is a box doing here… especially with the words "Erio's Stuff" is written on the side…
Caro looks at the box suspiciously, while the words "BOSS" floats above her head with a HP bar and MP bar which is labelled "????/????"... Boss characters can see through the box technique!
Caro: I'll just open it and find out what it is… if there's someone hiding in it I'll simply give them divine punishment for sneaking into my castle.
Slowly Caro reach down to lift the box up while holding her beloved used bloodied Baseball Bat… Tune in next week to find out did Caro dish out extreme pain to BT on the next episode of Solid BT Gaiden!... name the games and movies we ripped off during this episode!