Disclaimer: I do not own any Harry Potter characters and the Harry Potter world. They all belong to JK Rowling.
Chapter Twenty-six
"Roses Have Thorns"
"Oh, you look so pretty, Hermione! I love it!" Ginny commended her excitedly, even clapping her hands together as she gaped at her friend's reflection at the half-length mirror.
Hermione stared at her new self in front of the hairdressing salon's mirror. She couldn't help her hand to wander along the smooth, warm, honey-coloured tresses on her shoulder. The stylist had done well, she could tell. She had only asked to get a normal haircut and just wanted to get rid of the excess length of her hair seeing that it was already reaching her buttocks. But the older woman seemed to get a bit carried away, gushing here and there on how she could style her long locks, seeing that she had the face that would look so perfect in anything.
The hairstylist had left it being long as Hermione wasn't really used of any daring haircuts; though now it was only on a shoulder length level with a much more resilient, supple, curly, layered style. The woman had also changed the shade a bit, making it more honey-hued now. Hermione's new tresses warmed up her complexion, making her equally honey-coloured eyes to delightfully pop out and be rounder than it usually was. It also now had a thicker volume than before and Hermione loved it. It was more fun, less formal and it made her forget about her worries somehow, like it was telling her to skip a little, to bounce her curls a little, because, somehow, she was beautiful.
She could even barely remember the pale, miserable and pitiful girl in her bed that morning. She frankly didn't want to get out of her blankets and she had to struggle to stay inside while Ginny pulled her blankets out. The younger girl couldn't help but gasp when she finally saw the reason why she was so adamant on hiding.
Hermione had cried her heart out that night beside that secluded wretched wall, silently pleading it to just end everything. She really couldn't think of anything to alleviate the pain except to cry harder with no restraint. It was a good thing that no one saw or heard. She had really preferred to be alone as no one would really understand the length of what she felt. Sure, some people might empathize, but then they still wouldn't even feel the level of hurt she was feeling. It was different, more than anyone could even dream to imagine; the kind of feeling that when you try to stop crying, it would hurt even badly that it could almost suffocate and choke you to death, like you were drowning into your own body. You just needed to cry, there was no choice any longer.
After what seemed like an eternity, she had at last gathered all the strength left inside her to drag her body towards their common room. How she even reached the portrait hole was beyond her. She could even barely breathe and she was just thankful she didn't pass out in the middle of the antechamber.
She had closed the curtains of her four-poster bed to cover her miserable disposition and lay there, almost like a lost soul floating in the emptiness of the purgatory. Her head and heart were pounding at the same time and each beat actually stung like something was trying to hammer her out into pieces. She tried to ease her breathing, tried to relax her nervy arms and weedy legs.
But everything just hurt.
She tried to place pressure on her heart with her trembling hand, covering herself with the bulky blankets and crouching to splint that particular painful spot on her heavy chest.
She fell asleep with a broken heart, whispering to herself over and over again that everything would be alright and that she would get through it. It was a feeble attempt, but at least she was trying really hard.
Waking up in the morning was even worse. She could even barely open her eyes. It was too heavy to do so. She knew she looked horrible with those deep, dark bags under her eyes. Her head didn't help either, as she felt it almost exploding due to the pressure from her nasal sinuses going to her throbbing temple. Even her voice had failed her as it was very hoarse and weak.
She felt pathetic, weak and just so low.
It was ironic just how much Draco had been so protective of her before, that he could go hysterical whenever he would see someone just accidentally bumping her shoulder, or even if she would just accidentally have a paper cut on her finger.
Now, he was the very reason why she almost died of pain. And he didn't care one bit.
The remnants of last night were still very raw and tender.
But, no.
She knew she just couldn't linger there.
She was just a girl, soft as a rose, but she wouldn't let anyone kill her by taking her away from her roots. She would fight. She would use her thorns. Some of it may be broken by the pressure of the thief's hand, but at least the thorns were made to make him bleed as well.
And so she told Ginny everything.
Usually, Hermione was a very private person. She really wouldn't share anything as long as she could keep it. But this one was just too different.
She needed a friend. She needed to know that at least someone knew and understood her situation.
Ginny just listened the entire time and never once had questioned her sanity or judged her weakness. Hermione appreciated that.
That was what she needed that time.
When Ginny asked her, however, if she wanted to postpone their planned activities for the day, Hermione had to disagree.
If there was anything she needed right now, it was distraction.
She had been neglecting her happiness for far too long, for a sin she never really committed.
Truth be told, she was the one being unfair to herself. She had pitied herself too much.
And she refused to stay that way.
If there was anything that this stumbling block had taught her, it was the fact that she could use it as a lever to lift herself up.
What was the use of hiding and crying the whole day, really?
It was like you're allowing the cause of pain to win against you. It was like claiming to the world that you have lost the battle before you have even started the race.
Yes, you can cry for a while. Everyone deserves it when they get hurt. But you can't cry forever.
It was the rule of this world that too many people have overlooked, drowning them into the murky waters of mournfulness. She refused to be one of them.
That day, she had asked Ginny to help her get rid of her obvious worn-down disposition. She and Ginny had then decided to sneak out and go to the beauty and hairdressing parlour instead of waiting for Harry and Ron as they had initially planned yesterday.
Hermione didn't want anyone to see her in such a hopeless state. Having to suffer Ginny's sympathetic gaze was enough for her.
Ginny had left her in the salon for a moment to go back to Hogwarts and get Harry and Ron, also promising to distract them and buy their time for a while, especially that the facial massage therapists told them that the potion needed a bit time to be absorbed by Hermione's skin in order to get rid of her eye bags and tensioned facial muscles. She honestly looked like she'd been crying for a year, with her eyes swollen like that.
By the time it was done, however, Hermione was so happy of the outcome that she needed to smile as if she hadn't just almost died of crying yesterday.
Suddenly, everything was just brighter. It was psychological, she knew. But she could be shallow for a while if it meant it could somehow lessen her pain.
Each cut of her hair felt like freedom, like she was finally allowed to get out of her old skin; it was like a new-found metamorphosis.
Perhaps this day could be better. After all, a day could always be different from the other. That was the actuality she was trying to hold unto.
"I really like it too. Thanks Gin," Hermione smiled at her friend while gently touching her soft locks and expectantly looking at both Harry and Ron who had yet to comment anything on her new look.
"Well? Er, what do you think?" She asked the two boys who hadn't said a word and just stayed gawking at her. They seemed to be out of words for anything and it made her nervous that she might have gone overboard with all these changes. "I-Is it too much? I mean, I just asked the hairstylist to give it a trim or so… but—"
"No! No, of course it's not too much!" Ron suddenly shouted, which made all the heads inside the room turn towards him. His face was suddenly and incredibly trying to mimic his own ginger hair now.
"I-I mean… It's not too much because you look… really good, you know. The shade suits your eyes and your skin colour," he suddenly mumbled while looking down and placing his hands on his pocket. Ginny was trying her best to stifle a laugh beside Hermione, while Harry was now looking incredulously at Ron, maybe wondering why the hell he was suddenly talking about shades and colours now.
"Thank you, Ron," Hermione nodded as she beamed at him, gently nudging Ginny to stop giggling at her side.
It had been such a great day.
Hermione even felt it had been a century since she had ever laughed the way she did that day.
After Harry's butterbeers and treacle tarts treat at The Three Broomsticks, Ron asked them to have some sweets at Honeydukes. He even bought each one of them some sweets as well, and from his own pocket too. He bought Harry some Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans, gave his sister some sugared butterfly wings and had lastly gave Hermione the new rendition of the Honeyduke's ring pops.
It was a bit expensive than the others, and Hermione couldn't help but feel really special when Ginny whispered to him that Ron usually didn't do this kind of stuff. Actually, he had never done it before. His allowance was only enough for him to save for his wants, sometimes, his own needs. Ginny even told her that Ron buying them some sweets was just an alibi so he could buy something for Hermione.
"Here," Ron smiled sheepishly while handing Hermione a Honeydukes ring pop. The imitation of the 24-carat gold candy glowed when he briefly placed it on her finger. He was shaking a little, but the act even amused her more.
Ron was such a sweet, sweet guy. Every little gesture from him made her like him more.
But in some unreservedly outlandish way, she couldn't help but be taken away from him and be taken to the person from her past whenever he would stay lovable like this…
She knew he was just trying to be really charming when he offered her that little ring candy, but her heart seemed to skip a beat when a memory had suddenly flashed across her mind.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife," Adrian grumbled, looking bored and annoyed at the same time as he participated on their silly game of wedding make-believe. It was Draco's idea, and Hermione seemed to really like it since she got to have some flowers on her hair so he had no choice but to comply and take the role of the minister who would wed them. Draco pointed out it was the perfect role for him since he was Hermione's brother and he couldn't possibly play the groom.
Hermione giggled when Draco took out a little candy ring pop from his pocket and struggled a bit while he opened it out of its container. He grinned when he finally cracked it open, placing it gently on her finger afterwards.
It was magically heavy like a real diamond, except it was better since she could eat it later.
"Now you're my wife!" Draco nodded with satisfaction, boldly claiming her as his own while leaning to place a small peck on her cheek, causing the younger girl to blush instantly.
"Hey! You're not supposed to do that. I'm going to tell mother that you kissed Hermione on the cheek!" Adrian frowned while protectively pulling his younger sister away from her make-believe husband.
"She's my wife now! I can kiss her anytime I want! It's in the rules," Draco countered back while pulling Hermione towards him as well.
Little Hermione seemed confused and irritated now as she couldn't concentrate on her new ring candy especially that the two boys were constantly tugging her arm here and there.
"Let go of my sister, Draco," Adrian commanded the younger boy but he just wouldn't budge.
"No, you let go of her! She wants to play with me. Right, Hermione?" Draco asked her, looking expectant as he held her tiny hand.
"I want to play with both you and Adrian," Hermione murmured quietly, now sensing the tension between the boys.
"But you want to play with me more, right?" Draco asked again, not having any thoughts of giving up the topic.
He looked too confident and Hermione knew Adrian was really angry now. But she also knew it was really bad to lie, and she couldn't lie. Nanny Demelza told her that a true angel just couldn't lie, and her father told her she was his angel.
She didn't know what to do so she just pursed her lips and nodded her accord on Draco's statement. She didn't know how to lie, after all.
"Hah! You see?" Draco scorned at Adrian while grabbing Hermione's little frame closer to him, her soft curls bouncing in the process, making her look like a little doll with her long lashes and worried eyes popping out guiltily into her brother's saddened face.
"B-But it's better to play with the both of you too, Adrian," she told him, hoping that she could somehow alleviate the damage that she had done.
"I think I want to continue the book I was reading. You two have fun, then," Adrian declared firmly while turning around and running back into the mansion.
"Adrian! Wait!" Hermione wanted to run after her brother but Draco's hand impeded her to do so.
"Stay with me, Hermione," he suddenly asked her gently.
"But Adrian…"
"He wants to read, remember? He wants to do some boring stuff. While with me, you won't get bored, ever," he told her. "Come on, you can choose anything you want to do today."
"I can?" She smiled at his tempting words, almost instantly forgetting her guilt towards her brother.
"Of course, you're my wife now so you get to do anything you want," he smiled smugly while jumping on each of the garden's stoned stairs.
When he had reached the third step, he then turned around and smiled widely at her…
Hermione looked up at him and wondered if he was a real seraph from the heavens. The sun was blinding behind him, but it gave him some ethereal, wraithlike glow; almost like there was a beautiful halo playing on his blond hair.
"Come, Hermione…" He smiled, reaching out for her with his hand opened for her to take.
Hermione would never ever forget the genuine smile and outstretched hand of that boy forever.
She knew that it would be forever etched inside her heart the moment it had happened. When those colourful patterns from the sun created sweet kaleidoscope on his gleaming feature…
She beamed back as she slowly raised her hand to reach for him. When their hands touched and intertwined with each other, Hermione knew she'd do anything for him to never let go of her.
She knew that every time she would raise her hand to reach up for him, he would always be there to pull her with him…
"You're all mine now," he told her softly. "You will always be."
Hermione couldn't help but feel the brief tug on that certain sore spot on her chest as Draco's image vividly flashed across her mind, on how the sun glowed in circles around him, on how his smile seemed to be the most untainted occurrence in the whole universe, and on how… in that day, she was so sure that he would always offer his hand to pull her towards him. Never in a million years did she think that he was going to use them to push her away instead.
"Are you okay, Mione?" Ginny asked her worriedly, snapping her out from her current trance.
"I-I am…" Hermione smiled. "I just want to thank you guys, for making me happy this day. I won't forget this. I'm not living in the best days of my life, but hey, not everyone has that, right? You showed me that there's absolutely no reason for me to stop being happy no matter how bad everything gets. It's my choice and if it hurts me, I have no one to blame but myself. I decided I'm not giving up. What's the use of being a Gryffindor if I do, right?" She added.
"Oh Mione!" Ginny suddenly wailed as she threw herself on the older girl. "You can do it! I know you can!" She sniffed as she finally let go after a constricting embrace, making Hermione chuckle a little. Somehow, she remembered the old, sweet Mrs. Weasley in her. She loved her so much.
"We'll always be here, Hermione. Don't you worry about it, okay? I happen to kill an evil wizard before I have even learned how to spell my name. You got my back," Harry winked at her.
"You guys are just so good to me. I can't believe I haven't met you ever since I was young. I've probably missed out on a lot of things now. I feel like I was really meant to meet you and be your friend," Hermione grinned at them.
"Oh, trust me. You did miss out on pretty much a lot of things, don't know if you'll feel lucky or not when you'll hear it, though," Harry chuckled.
"I have all day to listen," she smiled while interlacing her arm with Ginny as they all headed to venture yet another shop at Hogsmeade.
So what, if she was hurt? So what, if she was still in love with the guy who could never love her back any longer?
So what?
It wouldn't stop her from smiling any longer.
He had perfectly moved on with his life; it was time for Hermione Granger to do so as well.
Hermione was walking towards the Gryffindor tower with a serene smile. This day had turned out to be better than she had expected. She couldn't believe a haircut could somehow help in a way. It was like a first step for her moving on.
Not everything turned out to be exactly what she wanted, but she had just so many things to thank God for either way.
Life had always been a novel; somehow, you would always have to cry on some parts. But she knew they were just parts. They couldn't make up on everything. She knew, somehow, as long as she still got the people who cared and loved her, she could survive this.
She could still make it all better. She could write her own story. It was just a matter of figuring things out and choosing to fight rather than to give up.
Yes, she had the right to cry, because she was just a girl. She had feelings as well. She was just human, after all.
But she didn't have the right to just cry and give up.
She couldn't let it. Living in forgotten times wouldn't take you anywhere.
She could feel herself unconsciously smiling now. It was indeed a fun day. She remembered on how Ron accidentally let his ice cream fall, making Harry step on it and that he almost slipped down into the ground. Ron could really crack her up. He was just so hilarious in such a natural, innocent way.
And then… there were these roses from Theodore Nott. He had even given them to her in the Great Hall, when everyone was looking. It was like he had finally made it official that he was courting her, and that he wasn't ashamed of it.
"What's this?" Hermione asked, looking around uncomfortably as they had gathered a lot of audiences now. They just couldn't believe that a Slytherin would give a mudblood some flowers. Some were even waiting for a serious prank to ensue, but alas for them, it never happened.
"I'm giving you flowers," Theo shrugged.
"Why?"She frowned at him.
"Because you're pretty today," he smiled.
"Is this your lame start, then?" She asked, crossing her arms while giving him a look of appraisal.
"Maybe," he shrugged again. "But even if it isn't, I'm still giving you flowers because you're beautiful. And men give their ladies flowers."
"I'm not your lady," she told him defensively.
"I know that too. But I can still give you some, because as I said… you're beautiful," he winked at her and then, did the unthinkable by kissing her cheek gently.
It was too sweet, too slow, too… charming, that she had even forgotten to step away.
"Stay like this," he whispered at her, before walking away.
She knew he was just probably trying to get on her good mood, or was just trying to please her so he could get what he wanted. She wasn't a fool to easily believe him.
But somehow, that act made her feel a bit… special.
"Stay like this."
She smiled. For the first time, she would do something that Theodore Nott had asked her. She would stay this way. The harsh wind could sway and bent her a little, but she would stay rooted on her spot.
She was too lost with her thoughts that she hadn't noticed someone was actually following her.
She was about to turn into a certain curve to follow a path leading to the Gryffindor's tower when someone had suddenly yanked her by the arm into a secluded corner. She was too stunned to do anything especially that she had almost been knocked over as a large, firm body was suddenly pressed against her and the wall.
But it wasn't just that. It was because the feel of his chest and that spicy scent his body elicited was too familiar; too familiar actually, that her body seemed to react in a way that she had never felt for quite a long time.
She hated it.
She hated it simply because she hated him but couldn't really do it with everything in her. It was like being stripped off from the voluntary impulses of your own brain.
"What are you doing?" She spat at him, sending him a death glare. Every time she would look at him now she would always be taken to the time when he was pressed with another girl's body; on how he shouted at her like she was a pest that needed to go. All the blood in her veins was now shouting for a revolution at this moment.
Now that she was face to face with him again, she remembered on how and why exactly she hated him so much; she wanted to punch him just to hurt him physically.
But even that, he didn't deserve at all. A little hurt on her knuckles could never be wasted just for him.
Draco Malfoy wasn't worth it. Not ever.
"Why did you cut your hair?" He suddenly demanded. Hermione tried her hardest not to laugh.
Honestly?
"What is it to you?" She asked him bitterly.
"I told you never to cut it before," he told her, almost as if he really had the right to say that. He really was just the most selfish, cold-hearted bastard on earth, wasn't he?
"Are you even serious? Do you even hear yourself?" She had to laugh coldly. It didn't sound like her, but no one could actually take it against her.
"Yeah, I fucking hear and see everything; including the fact that you're flirting with every guy in the way, including Nott." He looked really enraged now, like he could actually kill someone. The hand on her arm that was squeezing her was starting to hurt now as well. But she just couldn't let him win. Never again would she ever let him see her weakness.
"Have you also heard that it's none of your business?" She glared at him, trying to whisk his hand away from her other arm so she could go but he was just too strong.
"Don't you dare walk out on me!" He shouted, now even tightening his hold on her as his other hand slammed her shoulder into the wall. It wasn't that hard, but it made her wince a little due to his uncontrolled pressure.
"I can do anything I want! I can walk out on anybody I want! You don't own me and you can't tell me what to do or not do!" Her heart was racing now. Even words failed to describe anything that she was feeling as she struggled to get away from his strong hold.
"And so you flirt with other guys now? You're such a whore!"
Right then, Hermione had to do it. She had to slap him. Hard. It couldn't amount to everything that he had done to her. But still, it felt grand.
"Don't you dare accuse me of what you are?" She shouted vehemently as she looked at him. He was now cursing and touching his reddened cheek, hissing with the stinging pain that her sharp slap had caused.
She tried to grab her chance to run while he was nursing his stinging cheek, but she only had gotten one step until he suddenly grabbed her waist and pressed her back to the wall. She could tell he was fuming but was still trying to keep his composure as he coldly stared at her.
"So you're doing this because of last night. To make me jealous," he said it in the most final way; like he was so sure of everything, like he knew her too well because he owned her.
"No. I'm doing this for me. That's how it's going to be from now on," she told him with a trembling voice; however she made sure it was filled with confidence. Who did he think he was? He was such a git. She couldn't even comprehend the reason why she had ever felt a single emotion for him at the first place.
"You will never be with anyone else! Do you hear me? Stop acting like a whore! If you're anyone's bitch then you're my bitch! Anyone that could ever have you will die!"
"You pushed me away! You treated me like dirt! Like I was nothing and that it was better for me to just disappear and never come back! And now you're basically telling me that I can't be with you but I can't be with anyone else too? What the hell do you want me to do? What else do you really want from me? You've taken everything, Draco! The least you can do is to stay away from me! I am not anyone's property, I never will and especially not yours!" She yelled furiously at him as she tried her hardest to fight back so she could disentangle herself from his strong hold. But the more she fought back, the more he tightened his hold on her.
"No! You won't ever be with anyone else because you're mine! Do you hear me? You're mine!" He shouted before brutally capturing her lips with a hot, searing kiss.
She neither kissed him back nor did she let him in and it frustrated him. He bit her lower lip, making her gasp and he took the opportunity to venture in. He kissed her for all he was worth, moaning in pleasure like he had travelled the desert looking for that single drop of water.
The kiss was too intense that she could even taste blood on her own lips that he had currently been abusing.
She had already committed it to her memory on how his kisses tasted. But not like this. This one screamed possession, almost obsessive and abusive. It was almost like he'd been holding this out for quite too long that he had suddenly lost control.
He was pinning her against the wall, touching every inch of her that he could reach like he had really gone crazy.
It was scaring her.
He wasn't really hurting her, but he wasn't being gentle as well.
"Stop it! L-Let go," she pleaded as his head surged forth into the crook of her neck, giving off open mouthed kisses, sucking and nipping in the process.
He was out of control. His hands were everywhere, they were rough as they fondled on her breasts through her shirt. But it just wasn't enough for him.
Suddenly his fingers were fumbling on her blouse, finally ripping it apart when he lost his patience, yanking on her shirt and sending the buttons flying and falling into the floor.
Hermione was just too scared now. His actions were becoming more and more frantic when he felt the contact of their scorching skin together.
She could feel his want tugging in the barriers of his trousers. He was desperately thrusting his hips into hers as he worked his mouth on her throat. Hermione didn't want to admit it, but he just knew what he was doing, as if he had learned by rote everything in her, enough to know the right spots he could touch and maul to pleasure her…
She was losing her sense of rationality and control now, every pressure from his mouth seemed to throw her over the edge.
It just felt too good; it was too hard to stop her eyes from closing.
She was so close to abandonment.
She was just so close to giving him what he wanted.
Until that image of Hestia Carrow, screaming and moaning his name suddenly burned her mind.
Of course he knew what he was doing. He knew just how to take her over the edge. He knew the right places to stroke or touch.
He knew… but it wasn't because he knew everything in her. It was just because he had done it to countless of girls before her.
She wasn't just the only one and she would never be.
It was like a bucket of ice water was suddenly viciously poured into her heated skin; like killing the flame of the beacon by a single swish, leaving those embers and ashes to be trampled away like dirt…
Dirt.
"Let go of me!" She cried, mustering all her strength to finally push him away. He was too caught up with kissing and touching her that he hadn't seen it coming, making him almost fall back into the marble floor when she pushed him with all her might.
"Dammit!" He cursed but she just slapped him again.
"Go to hell!" She spat acrimoniously at him, and right now, she really meant the words literally.
"No matter what you'll do, you still can't hide the fact that you're in love with me. Stop bitching around with those guys because it won't take you anywhere! Do you hear me? I'm the only guy in your life, Hermione. You can't hide away from it. Stop trying too hard because no matter what, you can't do a damn thing about it!"
"You're just so unfair, aren't you?" She laughed in indignation. "You're a selfish bastard! You act like you own me but humiliate me in public. You tell me—no, you commandme never to see any guys but you won't have me, either. And now you're accusing me of being a bitch? Well, I tell you what, maybe I can be one. If I'm a bitch now, it's all because of you. You made me one. And thank you very much!" She spat bitterly before running away from him.
He didn't stop her this time. He even neither uttered a single word nor moved from his spot. But Hermione didn't want to linger on his disturbed expressions at the moment.
Why should she even care of what he was feeling? He had never cared about what she felt before.
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
It was only starting to get fair. She would never stop it for foolhardiness and folly again.
When Hermione finally got inside the sleeping quarters, she couldn't help but let the tears she had been holding on to fall. But she was proud of herself for not shedding a single drop in front of him.
She was crying but laughing at the same time. Maybe she looked like she had finally crossed that string of insanity, maybe she really did, but she didn't care one bit.
Because at least now, no matter how stupid it looked, she wasn't just crying alone any longer.
Song for this chapter: "Impossible" by Shontelle (I love this song!)
A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews and for waiting for this chapter. Hope you like this one. Since I've updated a bit too late, then I guess a longer chapter can compensate? Hehe.
And I've also updated some new pictures at photobucket for the story. You can view them at my profile. If the link doesn't work, try to open the older ones and get inside its album: "Almost Perfect, Almost Yours". Everything is in there. :) God bless and have a good day you guys!
Many kisses,
Sue