Guys! I'm sorry its been a while. Haven't had the best of times lately but your support has been amazing! And I really appreciate it. Thanks!

So I went to NZ and I had an awesome time. But sadly I was forced to come home early (take note kids, trekking in the bush will get your legs badly injured if you're not prepared). So now I've returned to the reality of being skint broke and unemployed with a bum leg.. Sooooo... I am really into the writing game right now.

Speaking of, I'm writing on A03 too! Follow me there (same username) I mean, you know, if you want... :D

Today we're going to filler start into canon end. Only two more chapters of canon left, guys! Btw I didn't re-watch the episode for this sooooooo don't hate me if there's anything wrong! **If you're re-reading, I've mega edited since uploading!**

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Allyon; What did Paloma Faith say? 'You start to see the world differently when you turn it upside down'. Maybe this is just one of those times. Thanks for the review :)

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silverlightdragon; Thanks for the emails and story prompts! I promise to work on them now I'm home!

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green eyed typhoon; I tried real hard to edit this chapter so hopefully there's no annoying grammar!

An awesome tune that followed me around NZ: Therapy by Brooke Fraser.

We may be drawing a line...

Lexa.

"Your wounds are healing nicely" I told her struggling to hide my smile away. I nodded to the grounds boundary where a dummy stood holding Clarke's knife to its chest, "You very nearly hit your mark just then"

Clarke picked up another knife and tapped it against her finger. She looked back at me and smirked.

"Who said I was trying?" She shot back cheekily.

I felt my lips lift into a smirk straight away. I took a step back while she pulled her arm back to throw again. My eyes ran approvingly along the length of her stance. I was thoroughly impressed. Three weeks training and she had picked up everything I had taught her. But it didn't surprise me. Clarke had a hunger for knowledge. A thirst for learning. She was a true survivor.

"If this is your not trying.." I reached forward to position her arm a little better. Her eyes moved back to catch mine when we touched and I smiled before I stood back, "I look forward to when you show me your full potential"

My heart bumped in my chest like it was laughing at me. I was a little amused by my own unashamed response to her. Teasing had always been something of a difficulty for me with Costia, awkward. Clarke made it feel as natural as breathing. She played and I played right back. Confidently. I loved it.

"I could show you anytime" she husked with a daring glint to her blue eyes, "You just have to ask nicely"

We shared a smile but then hers fell and she looked a little distantly towards her target. I felt my own smile fade watching her think. She was troubled. Something lay heavy on her mind and had been since the moment she watched her, our, enemy being dragged from my city. It was no mystery what had Clarke's worry this time.

"You still feel weighed with your decision to spare Emerson" I spoke softly, not wanting to upset her by mentioning that particular monster. I knew he haunted her dreams every night. She didn't reply. Just tapped the knife in her hand, "Clarke, if you've changed your mind-"

"No" she mumbled eyes trained on the knife, "Its not that. I just feel.. lighter, somehow" Clarke looked surprised by her own admission, "I thought I killed an entire race. But he's alive. It wasn't total genocide. I know it doesn't change anything but.. at the same time.. it does. You know?"

I didn't answer her. Just watched her fight herself to let it go. Clarke puffed to herself and drew her arm back to throw the knife.

"Figures he'd be the one to survive though" She snarled under her breath and angrily threw the blade.

I heard it whizz through the air before it sank with a satisfying thud into the target. Clarke's eyes brightened with her hit before they dulled again. I took a step closer to her and gently touched my palm to the elbow she was rubbing in agitation. She looked up at the shy contact and watched me carefully.

"He is paying for his crimes, Clarke. As you have" Her eyes and mine flickered to her branded arm. I forced my guilty gaze away, "Justice has been rewarded on all sides. Now we can all move on"

I squeezed her elbow before I let her go. Her eyes followed my hand away and then she nodded.

"Most of us anyway" she agreed looking to the city, with worry in her eyes again, "Where do you think he'll go?"

"I dont know" I told her truthfully, my own worry beginning in my chest, "But for now I don't care. He can live out his days alone in the dead zone for all I mind. So long as you are safe from him. That's all I worry for"

I almost regretted letting the words loose. I'd shown far too much concern over her in one statement. And yet I found myself not caring at all. And despite eveything Titus had ever taught me on the matter I didn't feel weak for showing my care for her. Strangely it felt good.

Is this how it feels to be normal? I wondered watching her eyes immediately snap back to my face. I held them easily and found her searching me too. Maybe she was thinking the same. Slowly Clarke gave the smallest of smiles. And quickly I delivered one back to her.

I stood back straight after and nodded at the belt on her thigh holding the throwing knives, "Now, show me your secret skill, Wanheda" I teased.

Instead of looking pained, like I feared she might for my use of her title, Clarke merely gave a chuckle and reached for a knife. She waved it at me playfully.

"I'm saving those for later"

She threw the knife and looked back to me while it sailed through the air. I left her gaze to briefly watch it sink directly into the middle of the dummy's heart. I looked back with pride to find her smirking smugly at me. I smiled at her and reached for my own knife off her thigh. If she wanted to play games then Heda could play.

Clarke's eyes turned a darker shade with my fingers slowly grazing her leg and they held mine carefully until I'd gripped and released the knife. I forced myself from leaning close like I wanted and instead turned on the spot and aimed the knife. I then threw it hard across the field to the first tree standing towards us in the orchard. I heard Clarke whisper a 'wow!' under her breath when the knife hit its target, throwing an apple to the ground. I turned smirking smugly after and basked in the way she stared at me in awe.

"Lets move on to the swords" I grinned moving to collect them from the ground behind us. I heard Clarke come after me.

"Actually, do you mind if we stop for the day?"

I glanced back at her holding her left arm awkwardly, grimacing a little. I nodded immediately.

"Of course"

I collected the swords and then the throwing knives and tucked them in their respected places inside the weapons shed. Then I walked with Clarke to the edge of the field.

We walked in silence through the orchard, sharing the apple I had stabbed down before. I often caught myself sending her a side glance, catching her smile around at everything, and smiling myself. And the entire time my heart was aching for me to reach out to her. To touch her hand that lay still at her side so close to mine and tell her what I had been wanting to say back at the drop ship when we had been too close to going our seperate ways.

I don't need to tell her now, I told it, forcing it to keep steady as we continued to walk. And I didn't. Clarke had made it clear that she was going nowhere for the time being. There was no need to speak of things that might make her leave.

Coward, My heart whispered back. I ignored it.

"So what's with all the decorations?" Clarke asked pulling me from my fight with myself.

I looked up to her pointing at the banners and lanterns being hung in the market place. It looked more colorful than normal. More inviting. Everybody moved around smiling to one another. It was peaceful.

I turned my head back to explain.

"Its-"

"Heda!" A young voice called over to me and seconds later a child was wrapping her arms around my legs. I smiled when I immediately recognised her.

"Hello Eve"

Another voice cried after the girl and I looked to see her mother running forward to pull her away from me. She looked at me scared for her daughter's disrespectful rush over. I simply smiled over her stream of apologies.

"Its alright" I reassured her and crouched down to Eve's level when she tugged on my shirt. She shyly looked back at me and then moved her hand out, opening her palm with an offering.

"Is that for me?" I asked her gently as I took the braid from her to study. It was made from red hair. When I looked at hers I saw it shorter than the last time I'd seen her.

Eve nodded at me, half hiding her face into her mother's skirt. I smiled at her and put it around my wrist. Beside me I felt Clarke watching everything I did closely. Clearly my behaviour around the child surprised her. I touched the delicate braid.

"A perfect fit. Thank you, little one"

The little girl touched her braid on my wrist and gave a happy giggle before she hid herself into her mother's skirt. I smiled and stood back. I shook my head at Eve's mother again apologising.

"She's been growing it for the past year, adamant she would give you the braid for Ascension Day" She explained looking down at her daughter lovingly, "She has spoken of nothing else all morning"

I looked down at Eve peering up at me before her eyes moved to Clarke beside me. She stared at the blonde in awe. And Clarke was taking it in her stride despite obviously feeling uncomfortable.

"Eve, this is my friend, Clarke" Eve's baby blue eyes looked up at Clarke nervously, "Clarke, this is my friend, Eve. Eve wants to be a healer. Just like you"

Clarke flashed Eve a bright smile that had my heart stopping for a couple beats. I had to blink and look away for a moment in order for myself to recover.

"Thank you, Flowe" I told Eve's mother when the ability to speak came back to me. I looked down to Eve and touched her braid, "Thank you Eve"

I started to walk away after that, urging Clarke to follow me.

"Bye, beautiful" She smiled to the little girl and walked in pace at my side.

"It was nice of you to accept her gift" Clarke mumbled beside me. I gave her a side glance and smiled to myself. I knew what she was thinking. She was surprised to see me act so kind to a child when I was so cold and emotionless to others. Even my nightbloods.

She has yet to see all sides that make heda, I thought amused.

"Why would I not?" I questioned back, "She made it special for me. It would be rude to decline such a gift when so much time has been put into making it"

Clarke didn't reply. Just stared thoughtfully at the ground as we walked. We'd made it almost to the tower before she broke the silence.

"So... Ascension Day?"

I smiled at the curiosity in her voice and turned to her. She was smiling too, waiting for me to explain. I decided to do better. Clarke let me move back past her and allowed me to wordlessly lead her back through the market. And she kept her silence faithfully until we reached the south edge of the Polis where the temple stood gleaming proudly in the hot sun. I stood to the side so she could walk forward and touch the building.

"This is..." she frowned sternly to herself like she recognised it. I walked forward to her and pressed my own palm to the cold metal.

"This is the temple of Polis" I informed, "My people come here to pray"

Clarke was still frowning.

"It also holds the history of our people. Come with me"

I ushered her inside and guided her to the wall the priests kept decorated with paintings and carvings of the commanders that had come before me. Clarke gasped looking up at it all. Her eyes gleam impressed over the colors in the images. Her hand came up to follow them in her slow walk along the wall. I smiled after her. I could remember staring up at them when I had first stumbled upon the wall. For years I came back to trace the carvings.

"The first commander was born from the great tree" I pointed to the furthest painting showing a white tree torn open. I moved my finger to indicate the other side of it where a horse stood, "Meesha was the commander's general and best friend"

"And bodyguard" Clarke added touching the painting of the horse, "But she couldn't protect her"

I saw a tremor move through the blonde before she glanced back at me. In her eyes I saw the same fear to protect me. It drew me close to her side.

"Becca was her name" I whispered looking down at Clarke while she stared at the wall, "When she died, her daughter took the flame. And then her son. And his daughter. But by that time the other children of the commanders, the ones who hadn't taken the flame, had spread out across our lands. Taking other tribes. Spreading their genes. That's when the fighting began" I tapped the image of warring tribes, "The people didn't believe that the right to rule should be passed down through blood anymore. But be fought for by blood"

"The conclave" Clarke guessed looking down the line of images to the one holding fighting children.

I stared at the fierce expressions painted against the wall. I nodded.

"The conclave can consist of any number of children, at any age. So long as they hold nightblood"

"How many were at your conclave?" she asks carefully, not drawing her voice above a whisper.

I looked down at her sad blue eyes and read a pity in them for my having to partake in any of it. I counted the names in my head. I heard their screams echo in my mind. And I felt the old dull guilt in my chest.

"Nine" I answered watching her eyes turn even sadder. Clarke looked away.

"This doesn't explain Ascension Day" she said moving further down the wall.

I pulled my hands behind my back and walked slowly after her.

"Ascension Day marks the end of the conclave. When a victor has been chosen and a commander rises to lead their people"

Clarke stopped mid step and froze. She looked back at me, brow rising and eyes widening in surprise.

"You celebrate the day you murdered all those kids?"

I almost flinched at the disgust I could hear veiled inside the question. She didn't approve at all. That much was obvious.

Clarke waited for an answer, watching me closely as I fought the horrific images coming to the front of my mind. And the slight confusion. I'd always seen it as an honour before. Titus had always reassured me that it was. But Clarke was right. It had been murder. Especially the younger ones that had fallen to my sword. The ones that had never stood a chance against me, who were too young to understand why they were fighting. An ache ran through my heart and my back tingled as if feeling the needle again driving their memory into my skin. Gone, but not forgotten.

"I do not celebrate it" I numbly told Clarke and turned away. She caught my hand to stop me.

Our eyes locked, hers staring concerned and wanting me to explain. I didn't want to. I couldn't. Her expression softened gently and she squeezed my hand before she let go of it. She looked away to the wall again, looking mesmerised with the detail. I felt my own eyes move down the mural after her, stopping to linger in the corner of the room where long ago Costia had pulled me close after my conclave and kissed me to stop my tears. My heart panged miserably. I closed my eyes. I didn't want to think of the past. Not now.

"Lexa?" I looked back at Clarke looking at me worried. So I covered my sadness and smiled to her. My eyes ran over the dirt and sweat covering her face in the candlelight. I suggested that we go clean ourselves up.

"Would you like to stand in on the Ascension ceremony with the nightbloods?" I asked her as we left the temple, "I will be discussing Ascension Day with them. Ambassadors are welcomed to come listen too. You can learn more about it"

She knew without being told that it was a high honour to be included in the nightbloods' lessons. Clarke immediately beamed at me and nodded. She seemed eager to learn more about our traditions if she could. I was grateful for her effort. And pleased for it.

I walked Clarke up to her room, answering more of her questions, until we ran out of time to talk.

"So I'll see you later?" she said stopping by the door to her room.

I nodded, "Soon" I corrected smiling before I turned away to walk to my own room. I thought of her smile as she'd taken in the temple paintings. And it made me happy.

"We gather here on this Ascension Day to honour the commanders that came before me. Those who live on within me, as I will live on within one of you"

My attention was drawn away from the nightbloods looking eager for me to continue. Instead it caught on the noise outside and then the doors being thrown open and a man I recognised as a Trikru chief barging his way through my guards. His dark eyes locked on me angrily as he limped forward. It gave me a wary feeling straight away.

"The flame keeper promised we would be heard!" The chief growled glaring about the room of ambassadors as he shrugged off my guards.

"Titus," I frowned watching the intruders walk closer. I looked back to him to explain, "What is this?"

He turned to me looking both regretful and pleased by the intrusion.

"Something you need to hear, Heda" He replied shortly and looked away.

I looked too as the chief and his people moved to their knees in front of me. The chief locked my eyes and moved his raised hand, motioning to his guard behind him. The room filled with gasps as a girl was thrown forward through the crowd, forced to stand beside the chief, who looked at her hatefully.

She stumbled against her guard when he pulled her to the side, gasping out behind her gag but looking around fiercely still too. I stared down at her. At the anger in her charcoal eyes and the blood trickling down the side of her bruised head. She didn't look at me. She was busy staring at the blonde stood behind Titus.

"Oktevia!" Clarke gasped taking a panicked step forward, stopping only when the Trikru chief scowled at her. He looked away to me.

"Forgive me for intruding on this holy day, Commander" He slowly rose back to his feet, "I am Semet from Trikru. And I come seeking justice"

The uneasiness I felt on their intrusive barge into the room doubled. And even more so seeing Oktevia look back at him guiltily. What had she done?

"Explain yourself" I ordered holding his eyes as I spoke, "Why do you hold Oktevia of Skaikru prisoner?"

"She is a prisoner of war. Brought here to bear witness to the crimes of her people"

I stared down at him. War? Crimes? Did he mean the slaughter of my army or something new?

Clarke moved suddenly down the throne steps to face the chief. He looked at her blankly at first and then surprised for her quick and brave approach. Clarke ignored his scowl telling her to back off.

"What crimes?" she questioned him turning around to look at Titus for answers, "What happened?"

"Skaikru attacked their village" Titus answered her coldly.

I exchanged a calm look with the scared one she immediately gave me over the flame keeper's shoulder. She knew I was angry with this information. How could I not be? Her people had proven once again that they could not be trusted to keep the peace. And once again my people had bled for it. She'd been wrong. Nobody had respected my mercy.

Its not true! Her expression screamed.

I looked away. This time I could not believe it.

Titus was carrying on over our stare for one another, "Because their warriors were lost when your people massacred the army we had sent to protect you, their village was defenceless"

I felt myself tense up with his cold words. Aimed directly at Clarke like it was her decision to slaughter my army. I was growing tired of Titus's open hate toward her.

"Please, Commander" I moved my gaze to Semet's begging eyes looking at me desperately, "I beg you! Avenge this!"

I could feel Clarke's fear radiate across the room to me with his plea. If I looked at her I knew I would see her shake her head and beg me not to take revenge. I looked down at Oktevia's bloody face instead turned to the side of the room, and then to the angry looking men and women looking up at me to solve this. One growled out for blood. And then more followed. Until the room echoed with calls for revenge and Skaikru's death.

Titus growled at them to be silent.

I turned on my flame keeper. I couldn't keep from glaring at him. I was angry that he would destroy a day of peace for this. I ordered him to follow as I stood and left the room, motioning that Clarke be brought with me. I heard the two obediently follow my angry charge down to my own room where we could talk in privet. Once I heard them cross the threshold I let my anger out on the flame keeper.

"How dare you bring this to me on Ascension Day?!" I growled furiously at him, turning to watch him answer me. He waited for the doors to close behind him before he gave me his calm answer.

"I did not bring this here. You did!" The anger turned to fury inside me at his fearless answer, "Against my advice, you made Skaikru the thirteenth clan"

He pointed at Clarke who looked down annoyed. I started to pace while his voice grew louder with his anger.

"They rejected this, murdering hundreds of your people! And yet on the very field where they died, you decided to forgive the killers! But this provocation is proof. Blood must not have blood has failed! All that can stop this now is war"

The flame keeper looked back to me when he was finished. He was expecting me to agree with him. Because that was what he had raised me to do. To follow his orders.

I looked beside him to the blonde watching me in secret silent worry. She was thinking hard and fast, I could tell. I needed, wanted, to know what she would do. What I should do. Because I didn't want any decision I would give to cause her hurt.

"Clarke?" I said her name softly, hoping to rouse her from her thoughts.

Titus cut in before she could so much as look at me, "Clarke's opinion in this matter is not exactly unbiased" He reminded me snidely. They shared a brief look and then Clarke nodded.

"Titus is right"

Clarke's agreeing with my flame keeper had me giving her a suspicious look. She looked back at me softly.

"I would do anything to save my people. You know that" I accepted it reluctantly and she strode forward to me, "But I know them. Not everyone agrees with Chancellor Pike. Kane doesn't. Oktevia doesn't"

"Your people did not vote for Kane!" Titus growled back at her.

"Some of them did!" she argued strongly quietly shouting back at him, "We need to give them time to see that they made the wrong choice and fix it!"

"And you believe your people will take him out themselves?" I asked her quietly. She regarded me a moment and I could see her doubt it too. Regardless, Clarke nodded back to me.

"If they don't, if instead they use this time to plan their next attack," Titus shook his head thinking it was ridiculous, "We must act now, Heda!"

I turned away to think it over. Titus didn't stop speaking.

"Make an example of the thirteenth Clan! Show the other twelve what happens when they defy you. You got them back when you killed the Ice Queen, but the coalition is still fragile. If you don't act now-"

Titus silenced himself immediately when I threw my hand up for him to stop. He was saying too much. Making too much sense. I knew given the chance he would make me decide with him.

I stared out at the balcony going through my options. Titus was right. But so was Clarke.

I mulled quickly over my options while I stood there in their paired silence. I could not allow Skaikru to get away with more murder. The clans would soon take matters into their own hands if I failed again to get them justice. It threatened me and worse it threatened our peace. But I couldn't just wipe out Clarke's people.

I swallowed indecisively.

I knew action was needed.

Right now.

I turned to them, and felt both their eyes watching me in hope. I couldn't look at Clarke.

"Call the ambassadors back" I growled to Titus and moved past him to return to the throne room. I heard the lift in his step as he followed me out to see to my orders. And it had me clenching my fists angrily.

Clarke followed me quickly. I could hear her harsh breaths as she struggled to catch up with me.

"Lexa"

I shook my head at her. I didn't want to hear her tell me her people were innocent. I had done that before and gained nothing from it. Clarke sighed and overtook me to stop me. I looked down at her hand on my chest before I looked up at the dark taking over her eyes.

"I know what you're thinking" She husked pushing on my chest when I rolled my eyes and made to move past her. She shoved me back, "Lexa, you know I'm right! You know Kane and the others don't want to kill anybody. It's all Pike. We can stop this. We can stop this without more blood"

"You promised me the same before, Clarke" I replied coldly, quietly as I had before, and swiped her hand down. She looked angrily back at me.

"Do you trust me?" She moved closer and searched my face intently.

I turned back to her fully but didn't give her an answer. Clarke knew without needing me to voice it.

"I can fix this" She promised me desperately.

I looked back at her unemotionally and without expression. I didn't tell her how I thought she wouldn't fix this. That she couldn't. Instead I just moved past her to re-enter my throne room.

I glanced back at Clarke before I stood forward with my hand raised, effectively silencing the whispering room. I drew a quick breath and forced out the words.

"Today I call upon the armies of the 12 clans to march on Arkadia!"

I saw Oktevia's wide eyes looking up at me. And I could almost hear Clarke's mind working betrayed beside Titus to fix this. The whispering continued in the room. Short approvals and war hunger echoed around me. And yet Clarke's silence rang the loudest with me.

"Not to attack!" I spoke before I could stop myself, "But to contain"

Clarke's idea could work. I knew that because I knew Kane was already working on throwing Pike out of power. And I had seen the look on Skaikru's faces when I had questioned their knowledge on the massacre. They didn't want any of this. They just needed time.

Time I can give.

Shocked and outraged glares were thrown my way with my announcement.

"We will blockade the thirteenth Clan" I rushed to explain before I could lose my people's support, "We will keep them from the lands they wish to possess. We will give them time to take out their leaders from within. Once they rise up against them, then we will welcome them back as one of us"

Titus looked at me shaking his head in disappointment. But he turned at my ordering look to command the ambassadors. I looked around at their astounded looks. Most looked angry and ready to defy the order. I ignored it. They would listen. They had no choice.

"Tell your armies to set up a buffer zone around Arkadia" the flame keeper barked, "Five miles should be enough to keep them away from our villages"

He turned slowly to me after.

"What are their orders, Heda?" Titus asked me in a defeated voice. I looked down at him and then back at Clarke.

Do it, my heart sighed as I looked away.

"Any Skaikru caught across the line will be subject to a kill order" I told them reluctantly.

Oktevia stared at me then moved her eyes to stare accusingly at Clarke to speak up. Clarke didn't. She seemed just as shocked as her friend.

"Heda" I looked away to the Trikru chief holding Oktevia's bonds, "I do not understand" Semet began with pained eyes beseeching for help, "How is this vengeance?"

I looked down on him sympathetically, "It is not vengeance, my brother. It is justice"

"Skaikru killed my sons!" he snarled back at me, "And my brother, and my wife! If the spirit of the Commander will not protect us, then what will?!" He growled out furiously.

"You mind yourself, Semet!" Titus warned him.

Semet looked back at him and started to smile. I glanced to Titus when the chief turned and gave a hopeless chuckle. The ambassadors behind him watched him carefully and then a gasp went up through the crowd of people.

"Commander no more!" Semet's voice screamed suddenly, and he span around.

I looked around at the heads turning and the surprised faces looking towards the Trikru chief. My eyes landed to the bottom of the dais where Semet was charging with an insane bloodlust in his eyes. I looked to Cain and Titus, both were too far away. I started backing up so I could prepare to tackle Semet myself. But a rough hand shoved me to the side just as Semet dove towards the throne, coming for me. I saw the flash of silver in his hand before the whirl of robes got in the way and the sickening sound of flesh being cut pervaded the air.

The two men froze in front of me. One holding onto the knife jutting out of the other's throat. Semet's defeated eyes found mine as his life left him, filled with betrayal and hate. Titus shoved his body to the ground where his people sank to their knees beside him. The flame keeper turned after, flitting a brief look in Clarke's direction before he stopped close to me.

"Blood must have blood" He uttered calmly, as if the fight had been a lesson or demonstration he was finished explaining.

I looked startled from him and down to Semet's broken form pityingly, then to the others in the room. The ambassadors were taking the flame keeper in scared. Oktevia was staring at the dead chief on the floor beside her. Clarke simply staring at it all, shocked. She looked back at me sensing me watch her, with eyes begging to know if I was okay.

I took a deep breath to stop myself feeling scared. An attempt had been made on my life. By my own people. Just as Titus had tried to warn me. But I had to stay calm. I had known this would happen eventually.

I looked up at my people shouting, at the panic and anger in their eyes. My guards moved to shove them away from me when they started moving forward, demanding justice. Titus turned to take up a protective stance at my side. Cain came to stand close on the other. I closed my eyes over the chaos to breathe. I couldn't stop the scared beating of my heart. For the first time I realised the vulnerability of the commander. It was easy to see how the ones before me had been assassinated. As I could be.

"Lexa?" A small voice reached through the shouting and I slowly opened my eyes. Instantly I was calmed by the blue eyes watching me, worried.

"Jes!" I barked out over the noise in the room and she immediately rushed through the ambassadors to my side.

When she reached me, I nodded to Clarke. Jes gently took Clarke's arm in her grip. Then I motioned for Cain who moved to Clarke's other side. It would look like an arrest. But that was the only way I could protect her. She stared at me not understanding.

I swallowed an apology before I gruffly ordered them, "Take Wanheda to her room. Make sure she stays there"

The two warriors bowed. At the same time I saw Jes whisper Clarke an explanation. Her accusing stare dropped immediately. She nodded at me and let them take her away, stopping only to look down at Oktevia as they crossed paths. She glanced back at me with worry in her eyes. I looked away to my flame keeper watching on silently.

"Titus, clear the room. I need to speak to Oktevia alone"

He nodded and started shouting orders for the guards to empty the room. Ambassadors and the few remnants of village people who had followed Semet marched furiously from the room. Others had to be forced out with Titus' threats. Only Kiki dared to test the flame keeper's patience. The two argued loudly at the door.

I ignored all the noise to walk down the throne steps to where Oktevia was still awkwardly knelt looking around wildly. I watched her glance about the room, and recognised she was looking for the quickest exit for escape. She didn't trust our intentions and really I didn't blame her.

"Indra" I kept my eyes on Oktevia as I called out before the general could secretly skulk from the room. The other girl looked around hearing Indra's name.

The hooded figure at the door paused and turned towards me. I glanced to her. She looked surprised I had noticed her. She didn't know I had known all along she had been present. The look I gave back offered her the chance to stay with her former student. Indra looked down on Oktevia and then turned on her heel. I watched the doors close after her, annoyed and ashamed towards her.

I glanced back to Oktevia and moved to crouch in front of her. Painfully the entire moment reminded me of Clarke's arrival in Polis. Titus walked quickly up behind the sky girl as I reached to pull her gag away.

"Is that wise, heda?" he questioned coming closer when I ignored his concern, "She could-"

"I could, what?" Oktevia growled, spitting the fabric from her mouth when I pulled it away, "Bite her fingers? Yeah, I'm sure thats really gonna kill her"

Titus glared at her outburst.

"You need to explain everything" I told her seriously as Kiki came without permission to help release sky girl. She exchanged a cautious look with me before she reached to cut the bindings on Oktevia's wrists.

"Everything" Titus repeated stopping at the sky girl's back. He crossed his arms and looked down on her sternly.

She simply rolled her eyes unafraid and looked back to me.

"I'll talk to you" she told me as she stood up, "But not this ass"

Kiki coughed and turned away quickly to hide a snigger from the flame keeper. Titus' eyes cast her a quick glare before they found Oktevia again. A vein was beginning to pop on the side of his neck. He looked close to striking the girl.

"You don't get a choic-"

"Titus!" I threw him a short look that ordered him out. He stared at me a moment and then turned to storm out of the room.

Oktevia pointed at the door when he slammed it shut behind him, "How do you put up with that?" She asked me.

"With immense difficulty I'd imagine" Kiki chuckled walking forward to stand at my side. Both women looked to me to confirm it.

I didn't answer. Just looked at Oktevia to explain herself already.

"Okay" she sighed rubbing at her wrists, "Pike's been planning to extend Skaikru's borders. He wants land for farming and other resources. He's been sending teams out to scout the local area, find the most fertile land"

"And he decided land that was not his was the answer?" I shot angrily.

"Just like a man" Kiki muttered. I cast her a quick glance to be quiet.

Oktevia glanced between us before she met my eyes.

"I think taking it was the idea all along. He's made it clear he hates grounders"

Kiki growled. I felt her frustration.

"How long has he had this planned?" Kiki asked locking gazes with the sky girl.

Oktevia looked nervous now. She shifted on the spot and refused to meet my eyes.

"Since the truce" She mumbled to the ground. I saw her flinch, as if expecting me to explode. And though that was exactly what I wanted to do, I pushed my anger aside. Letting my emotions rule me was not helpful right now. I had known Pike had been planning something. I had seen it in his eyes as we called a truce. And I had done nothing.

I nodded instead and began pacing, pausing a second when I saw the dead trikru chief looking up at me sadly, "How did you get mixed up with Semet?" I asked Oktevia, nodding back to him when she looked up.

She looked to Semet's body with sad regretful eyes, "Pike organised a raid on the village. I tried to warn them. I told them to evacuate. But Semet wouldn't listen. They thought I was with Skaikru"

"Understandable" Kiki nodded, "I would have killed you myself"

"Gee, thanks" Oktevia muttered back at her and continued on with her explanation, "I got knocked out. When I came round Semet had set a trap for my people. From what I heard.. a couple... I think they died. I tried to warn them. I tried to warn everybody" She looked down at the ground in shame, "But I couldn't stop it"

I stopped pacing and looked her over. She looked so small and alone but strong too. Clanless. A nomad. But like Clarke, Oktevia seemed to fight for the right things. No matter the cost.

Which is what we need.

"Tell me about Kane's plans"

She looked up at me and when she saw I wasn't mad at her for her actions she nodded and began to tell me. When she was finished I thanked her and offered her a room to wash up and rest in. She thanked me gratefully and left with Hadrian to be seen to her room. I fell against my throne when the doors shut behind them and ran a hand down my face. I felt exhausted.

"Are you okay?" Kiki asked coming up the dais to sit on the floor beside me. I nodded but she didn't believe me, "Your own blood tried to kill you, and you just nod. Its okay to admit it scared you" she told me gently and reached out to give me comfort.

I scowled at her and shrugged her hand from my knee, "I wasn't afraid"

Kiki chuckled to herself but let it go. Instead she asked what I had planned now. I shook my head. I didn't know. But I trusted Clarke's word that her people could resolve this themselves.

"If we can get Oktevia back inside the Ark, get her to talk to Kane, maybe this will be over quicker" I mumbled thoughtfully.

Maybe even set her up as an assassin?, I thought wondering if Oktevia would have it in her to kill her own. If she would do that for me after everything. It was doubtful. She wasn't a murderer. And even if she could, I doubted she would get close enough to Pike for a kill.

Kiki hummed in agreement.

"But what if they don't accept her back? She did ruin their plan to attack Semet's village"

I sighed and rubbed my fingers into my temples to stave off the headache beginning behind my eyes. I knew the only plan I had after that was to attack Arkadia and destroy Clarke's people for good. But in doing that I would lose clarke. I wanted to scream. I would forever be holding clarke and my people in separate hands with the choice to lose one to hold the other. Kiki patted my knee again.

"We will figure it out" she promised smiling gently before she rose to her feet, "I will ride to Arkadia and oversee the blockade" I nodded grateful for her help, "You should check in on Clarke. She's probably worried about you"

I stared at her. I was confused how she would come to that conclusion when Clarke was clearly mad at me. Kiki just smiled a little wider and strode out of the room. I thought over her comment and then rose off my throne. I was two steps down the dais when my eyes landed over Semet's body. I moved to it and knelt, putting a hand over his chest. I regretted his death. He and his people had been innocents torn down in the skirmish of war. It wasn't fair.

Pike will pay, I vowed moving my hand over his eyes to close them.

"Your fight is over, Semet from Trikru. I am sorry"

I ordered for his body be taken away and delivered back to his people for burial. Then I began my walk towards Clarke's room, stopping only when an ordering voice barked my name. I stopped and drew a calming breath before I turned to my flame keeper. I should have known he would be skulking in wait for me.

"Titus" I said his name coldly, letting him know I wasn't in the mood for talking right now. He came to my side anyway, walking with me down the corridor.

I held in my irritated snarl at him to leave and instead changed my direction to head to my own room. Clarke would have to wait. All the while his heavy silence ground harder into my patience until I finally snapped and span to face him.

"What is it?!" I all but growled in his face.

He stared calmly back at me before he answered.

"This is madness, Leska" I rolled my eyes but he continued, "The body count rises on our side and still you refuse to retaliate. Why?"

"There are no more sides" I told him slowly hoping that this time it might sink in. I wasn't surprised when he cast me a deep scowl, "What would you have me do, Titus? Send our armies to be slaughtered by Skaikru? You always taught me to see the bigger picture, to pick the better outcome in any decision. Your decision leads to more of our people dying and mine-"

"Could lead to you dying" He cuts in seriously stepping closer, "That is the bigger picture in this scenario, Leska" He looked down at me, begging me to listen, "If you want to remain heda, if you want to stay alive, you will listen to me. Please! Your people are angry. They do not agree with blood must not have blood. And now that it has failed they will look to others to lead them if you cannot"

I swallowed the fear that he might be right. I was angry he would imply I could not control this. And that he would continue to advise I change my mind, and use his decisions instead of my own because he believed them better. But I understood his concern.

I didn't answer his waiting stare. Just nodded for him to leave. Titus bowed and slipped away. I watched him slowly go with questions filling my mind. Was he right?

Only one person could tell me.

"A blockade?" Becca looked at me thoughtfully, "It has a chance of working. But not a very big one"

I felt my heart drop. I'd hoped she would tell me it was the right thing to do. That it would definitely work. Instead she seemed to be agreeing with Titus.

"What is it?" she asked listening to my thoughts crash loudly between us.

I looked up at her warily.

"What if it doesn't work?" I asked her timidly, "What if after all this effort, blood must have blood is the only way?"

Becca looked down at me pityingly and I had to look away. I heard her walk towards me and then felt her take a seat beside me in the grass. I glanced up at her looking nostalgically around the night glade. I looked around too and my chest throbbed suddenly when I started thinking of the war that might be coming.

"People want what they know will help them survive" Becca says quietly beside me. I look back to her still looking around, "Archaic as it seems, killing in revenge is one of our basic instincts. Its chemical"

"That doesn't make it right" I argued watching her carefully. A smile hitched in the corner of her mouth.

"No" she said looking back at me, "It doesn't. So what will you do? Follow tradition and bathe in blood, theirs and yours? Or will you break the cycle?"

I looked away thinking it over. I didn't want to cause more bloodshed. I wanted to end it for good. But ending it would mean more deaths either way. I could not avoid that. I closed my eyes thinking of Clarke and what she would say to me. She would want me to do what was right, truly right. But right for our people, or right for us?

I wanted to scream out when that same tidal wave of uncertainty clouded my thoughts again. I wanted to keep her safe, to put her above my people this time. But I couldn't. Not without starting a war. How could I save Clarke and keep this peace?

A hand touched my face and made me open my eyes. Becca looked at me sadly when my mind spoke my heart's fears.

How do I keep her safe?

"Sometimes..." she breathed out sadly, "Sometimes we cannot save the ones we love"

I fought off my hopelessness when I understood her telling me to choose my people. She's right of course. I was Heda. My people were my one duty. My one responsibility. My heart dropped feeling me choose my head once again.

Gentle footsteps echoed towards us and we both looked up hearing them. I couldn't see anybody else in the glade. Becca turned to give me a smile.

"But we can try" she told me firmly.

I frowned not understanding but before I could question her another voice was speaking over me.

"Someone tried to kill you today. How are you this calm?"

I was brought sharply out of the vision and back to the reality of my room. I could feel the hard wood of my bed behind me, and the light wind coming in from the window across the room tickling my cheek. I could smell the candles burning in the corner and closer the smell of Clarke standing over me.

She was staring down at me, I could tell. Wondering maybe that I was insane to be sat meditating unguarded in my room while my people were out for my blood. I let myself smile.

"You're angry about the kill order" I stated still not opening my eyes because I didn't want to see her worry through her obvious anger at me.

Clarke answered immediately, "Yes"

I sighed as I opened my eyes and looked up at her stood over me.

"How else would you have me enforce a blockade?"

Her eyes searched mine intently for a moment. It was clear she had many ideas on how to enforce the blockade without bloodshed. But even she could not argue that this was the best way. So she didn't. Instead she looked at me in defeat as I stood up.

"So when do we have to leave?" She husked lifting her chin stubbornly. I stared at her.

Leave?

Then it hit me.

Of course she was leaving. She believed she was to be trapped with her people. And she wasn't fighting against it because she had to set an example for her people to follow. She had to go back to save them from themselves. Because thats what Clarke did. She always took the burden for their mistakes.

She doesn't have to..

"We may be drawing a line" I began looking down at her seriously. My heart fluttered nervously and I felt my expression change to match it, "But who's to say you can't choose to stay on this side of it?"

Clarke stared back at me, blue eyes locking mine hopefully. I stared back, just as hopeful, willing her to stay with me. Telling her I didn't want her to leave.

An all too irritatingly familiar voice called my name through the door behind her and Clarke flitted a side glance away from me. She sighed and I saw an angry blur turning her eyes a darker shade of blue.

"I know someone who might"

I smiled at her and she smiled back as the door opened behind her. We turned to Titus striding in. He looked unsurprised to find Clarke at my side. In fact he even looked irritated, as much as we felt towards him. He bowed his head to me and then addressed her.

"Wanheda, blockade goes into effect at dawn. I've made arrangements for you to take one of our fastest horses"

Of course you have, I grumbled internally, irritated with my flame keeper for having made these arrangements without my permission.

Clarke nodded to him politely, "Thank you"

"Actually, I've asked Clarke to stay in Polis as my guest" I told him quickly, flashing her a smile when she glanced back at me in surprise.

Titus eyed me silently and then looked to the sky girl.

"Clarke, will you excuse us?" he asked her calmly. She glanced between us and quickly took her leave.

Titus waited for her to close the door behind herself before he turned to me with a grave expression.

"On this sacred day, I beg you to remember my teachings. Love is weakness. To be commander is to be alone"

I moved past him bored, "I will not hear this again"

"Yes, you will!" His growl had me turning back angry. He spoke quickly before I had the chance, "Your feelings for Clarke put both of you in danger. Your kill order must be fully enforced. If you care for Clarke, you will send her home. It is the only way that she will be safe"

I looked down, hating him for possibly being right. And then Titus spoke up again.

"Don't make her pay the price for your mistakes as Costia did" He told me quietly. I looked up at him. Rage building inside me.

How dare he?!

"My mistakes?" I snarled slowly letting the anger overtake me. Titus swallowed and took a step back seeing me look at him so thunderously furious at him, "Azgeda cut off Costia's head and delivered it to my feet, and still I let them into my alliance" My voice rose until I was shouting at him, "I am more than capable of separating feelings from duty!" I snarled at him.

"I'm sorry, Lexa" he spoke softly, watching me even softer, trying to calm me, "I didn't mean to offend you"

"Yes, you did" I watched him look submissively away, "But you also mean well, and I know that, Teacher"

He nodded and shifted awkwardly on the spot, avoiding my eyes as he asked to make arrangements for Clarke to leave. Like he had heard nothing of what I had said to him. It made the anger build up again inside me but I forced it away. Shouting at Titus would not make him listen.

"That's up to Clarke" I told him quietly, voice too hoarse from shouting to be much louder, "I know where you stand, Titus" I warned him.

He made to speak and then thought better of it. Instead he bowed to me and left the room.

I breathed heavily once he was gone and looked down to the sudden stinging in my palm. I slowly unclenched it, gasping at the slight pain as my nails left their mark inside my hand. I huffed angrily to myself and moved away to the bathroom to clean the small puncture marks. As I did I thought over my loss of control at Titus. I thought over what I had revealed in losing my temper. I worried what he would do with such knowledge. As I worried what Clarke would choose now she held the decision to stay or go. I hoped she stayed. I knew by the way she smiled with me that she wanted to.

And I was going to prove it to myself.

I turned and rushed out of my room. My guards were stood down the corridor, watching out for any assassins that might try to creep past to my room. I walked past them and brushed aside their concerned request to follow me. I didn't need guards. Or Titus. I wanted to speak with Clarke alone for once. What I had to say was for her to hear alone.

My heart was pounding in my ears, like a war drum encouraging me on. It was cheering me, telling me this was the right thing. I had to take deep breaths when I reached Clarke's room, calming myself before I reached out to let myself in.

I stopped short when it wasn't Clarke there to greet me, but Oktevia. She glanced up from the bag she was packing to give me a curious look, wondering probably why I had walked uninvited into Clarke's private room. I swallowed nervously and stood back a little unsure with myself. All the confidence I had built up on the short journey here was fading under Oktevia's razor stare.

"I was looking for Clarke" I explained looking around the room for the blonde. Oktevia looked confused.

"She left to talk to you.."

Left?, I glanced behind me and then nodded to the sky girl watching me.

"Thank you" I turned to go.

"Do you care about her?" Oktevia asked quickly behind me, making me stop and peer curiously back at her. She was watching me closely, "I mean, really care. You're not faking it just to get her on side so you look good"

I turned to face her. "Yes, I care"

"Then you'll order her to come home with me" she ordered crossly, ignoring the way I stared at her in surprise, "Clarke doesn't belong here. Staying in Polis is going to get her killed. If you care at all for her, let her go"

Titus' words filled my head as I stared dumbly at Oktevia. He'd said the same thing. Were they right? Would Clarke be safer away from me?

"Its not that simple" I mumbled unable to meet Oktevia's eyes.

"Because you love her?" I froze up with my shock. How had she known? Oktevia looked over me carefully, "Its pretty obvious, Lexa. And I don't blame you. She's strong and brave and a fucking stubborn piece of hell when she wants to be. But this can't happen"

I looked away when the angry frustrated tears tried to claw their way to the surface. Here I was with yet another person telling me I could not listen to my heart. Another telling me what I wanted was not allowed. I glared up at Oktevia. I wanted to tell her she was wrong. I wanted to deny my feelings for Clarke so she would take back her opinion. But I couldn't. The second my stinging eyes met her soft pitying brown ones I could do nothing but feel hopeless. She brought a hand up to my shoulder, flinching when my eyes looked down at it. She squeezed it with a pitying smile.

"Not yet" She whispered, trying to give me reassurance. It didn't work. All I could think about was how those two words were beginning to curse my life.

Not yet...

Not ever.

"Please," Oktevia whispered squeezing my shoulder again, "Do the right thing. For your people and mine. Let Clarke go home"

I took a couple steps back so her hand fell away from me. I locked her eyes begging me to listen. To answer her, tell her I would make Clarke leave with her like she needed. But I didn't. I left Oktevia with nothing as I made my way back to my room.

I kept my eyes to the ground as I walked, thinking over what had just happened, all that Oktevia had said. For the whole day I had thought about myself and what I wanted. I had forgotten to worry about Clarke and her safety. Because I was stubborn enough to believe I could keep her safe if she was at my side. But could I? When I couldn't even protect myself from a disabled village chief, how could I protect her?

I entered my room and softly called Clarke's name, hoping she had come here as Oktevia had said and was waiting for me. She hadn't. My room was as cold and empty as I felt. I made my way back to the bathroom and splashed my face. I still felt flushed from the embarrassing moment Oktevia had spoke my secret aloud. I still felt angry over it. And angrier still for her using it against me in order to get me to agree to send Clarke home.

Love her.. I.. I love her..

I felt so weak admitting it. I was scared to say it aloud. Not when she might be leaving.

Arkadia isn't safe!, My heart argued knowing I was deciding what to do.

Neither am I, I numbly told it back. And it was true. Clarke was a target to those who hated me and hated Skaikru. At least with her own she had a chance. With me she didn't.

Not yet..

It's not your decision, My heart reminded me, pounding viciously into me when I refused to listen to it.

I looked up to the mirror standing in front of me and stared at the wild way my eyes looked desperate thinking about Clarke's decision. I couldn't remember walking back into my bathroom. My heart thumped painfully. It didn't want Clarke to go. I didn't want her to go.

She's going to stay, I told myself to keep my chest steady, Clarke's going to stay.

Is she? My heart echoed weakly back.

I wanted to continue lying to myself. I wanted to believe I could be right.

I closed my eyes, reaching through the dark of my own tormented mind to search for Becca. I growled out in frustration when I was met with silence. She had left me too.

I opened my eyes and glared at the miserable girl looking back at me in the mirror. I forced myself to pull myself together. I was heda.

Feeling is weakness, I reminded myself and locked my emotions away.

I wiped the angry tears from my eyes and pulled my braids free when I noticed them askew. I was pulling my fingers through my hair to clear it of any knots when I heard my door open. I braced myself for another argument with Titus and pulled my hair over my shoulder to go face him.

I stopped short seeing Clarke stood beside my bed with pain in her eyes and an apology on her face. My heart dropped instantly.

She chose.

"When do you leave?" I asked her sadly.