chapter 25! whippeee! and maybe two or three more chaps. i really dont know. x_x i shall go with the flow. :P and dude, ff net keeps changing theiur layout. :P not that theresanything wrong with it. but anyway. yeah.

the first part has stuff bout House of inght. it dpoesnt give away much...well. it does, actually. i tried not to spoil for the people who havent read it yet. but anyway. and ill have you know to HoN readers, that bellas reaction was a lot like mine. ;)

one more thing: this chapter occurs likee...somewqhere end of april, mid aprilish, like where we are now. its passed all the college stuff and SATs for them juniors. xD right? i forgot how it works. but anywayyy!

review! :) totally sweettt chapter.

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CHAPTER 25 – Rejection Didn't Win This Time

"WHAT THE HELL!" I hollered, causing Edward to jump and look up from his spot on the floor. He held the guitar pick still and balanced the guitar on his legs, looking up at me with a startled expression.

Ignoring him, I stuck my nose (literally) into the book and reread the paragraph, hoping and praying that I'd read it wrong…

Ah. No. I read it right.

"Oh, no!" I moaned, my voice octaves higher than normal. I tossed the book aside and bawled into my hands. Edward was at my side in an instant, his arms wrapped around me.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked, looking panicked.

"E-everything..." I cried, now bawling in his shirt, "E-everything is a-all w-wrong!" I stuttered and choked, feeling my world plummeting all around me.

Edward kissed my cheek and stared at me a moment.

I wasn't exactly sobbing, and I wasn't really crying either. No, I wasn't bawling, but it sure sounded like I was. Basically, I was dry-sobbing.

"What can I do to make it better?" Edward asked, stroking my cheek lovingly.

"N-nothing," I said, sniffling nothing. "She had sex with him."

Edward stared at me blankly. "Who had sex with him."

"She did!" I exclaimed, poking the cover of the book. "And then – and then – it was – it was after he Changed, too! Devastating!" I said, bursting into another chorus of dry sobs.

Edward didn't reply for a long moment, and when he did, all he said was, "Oh."

"'Oh!'" I quoted sourly, bursting into another round of hysterics. "She had sex with him, and all you can say is 'Oh!'" I cried, burying my face in his neck. "Why, Edward, why?!?!" I shouted.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he apologized, although by the tone of his voice, I could tell he wasn't exactly sure what he was apologizing for.

I reached behind me and grabbed my House of Night book, Chosen, which was thrown carelessly on the bed. I'd never actually read a vampire series before, and House of Night seemed more interesting than Vampire Academy. So. Yeah. Plus, Alice introduced it to me several days ago, and since then, I couldn't unglue myself from the series.

I quickly flipped through the pages until I found the right one, and shoved it at him, crossing my arms across my chest and wiping at nonexistent tears.

"Read it," I sniffed dramatically. "Page two-hundred and forty-three. Last paragraph. It will haunt me for the rest of my life." Before I knew it, I was babbling. "I mean, what about Erik? Was he not good enough for her? How can she not want the hot, young vampire? And he just Changed! Loren Blake and Heath should both go to hell," I jabbered, sniffing. "He isn't even that great! Besides, he's like way older than her. Gosh, we all know Erik is hot. I mean, seriously, I need to do some major ranting to Alice…"

My babbling was cut short when Edward laughed and put the book on the bedside table. Then he pulled me onto his lap.

"First of all," he murmured into my ear, his breath tickling my skin. "I don't know what is going on in the series."

I opened my mouth to inform him, but he quickly continued.

"Second of all, I don't know who Zoey Redbird is, nor do I know much about this Loren Blake or Heath guy you speak of." He chuckled and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. "And finally, I don't like this Loren Blake guy because you don't like him," Edward concluded. "Therefore, he can go to hell."

I grinned at him. "Yay."

Edward laughed. "Sure. Yay."

I kissed him chastely. "Sorry I scared you away from your guitar," I apologized, smiling sheepishly.

Edward smiled. "It's okay, Bella," he said, his fingertips brushing against my cheek. "Anything for you."

I blushed and handed him his blue guitar pick, which he gratefully took. "Carry on. I need to finish the damn book anyway."

He sat down on the floor by the foot of the bed and began strumming again. I recognized the familiar tune of Iris by Goo Goo Dolls.

Laughing, I reached for the book on the nightstand and set it down next to me on the bed. Then I flopped onto my stomach and wrapped my arms around his neck from behind, resting my chin on the top of his head.

"Practicing your own rendition?" I teased, giggling quietly when locks of bronze tickled my jaw.

Edward sighed, now strumming inattentively. "There's nothing wrong with that."

"I didn't say there was," I laughed, beaming when he tilted his head back to look up at me with narrowed eyes.

He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off with a kiss.

It was yet another moment where I was dying to tell him. I was just so scared! Rejection was something I wasn't fond of. Actually, Rejection and I weren't friends at all. We were enemies, and that was that. I hated Rejection. And Rejection…probably liked me. Haha.

I pulled away, gasping for breath while Edward trailed his lips gently along my jaw, and then trailing a vertical line of kisses all along my throat. Everywhere he touched, my skin burned.

I wasn't sure what happened right after that, or how we even ended up like that, but the next thing I knew, Edward was on top of me on the bed. I could feel him supporting his weight, as if to not crush me, and our legs were tangled together.

He brought his lips back to mine again, and I tangled my fingers in his auburn locks, sighing contently. Edward was so perfect. So godlike. So beautiful. How could someone like him have ended up with someone like me? Seriously. I was no Rosalie or Megan Fox. I was just Bella. Plain Jane Bella. But I wanted him so much, and I knew that my attraction wasn't only physical. It was definitely more. Sweet, caring, loving, affectionate…the list could go on about the good qualities of Edward Cullen. It just proved how lost I was.

Edward tore his lips away from mine, and he flipped us over so that I was on top. Propping his head up on a pillow, he pulled me into his arms, and I rested my head on his shoulder. One of my hands found its way up into his hair, where the soft locks curled around my fingers.

We lay in silence.

"Edward," I said softly, enjoying the light, soothing circles he made on my waist.

"Yes, Bella?"

I bit my lip nervously. "What did Emmett mean when he said you were 'sexually repressed'?"

I giggled, but Edward tensed, causing me to look up at him with a frown.

His jaw was taut and his eyes were narrowed at particularly nothing. The thumb that was circling my waist didn't circle anymore, and was instead enclosed in a tight fist.

"Edward?" I pressed softly.

"He was kidding," Edward replied stiffly.

"Was he?" I inquired dubiously, raising an eyebrow at him.

I rolled off of him and got into a sitting position on the bed, tucking my knees under me and grabbing onto one of his hands. While toying around with his fingers, and I said brightly, "Does this mean you haven't had sex before?"

He didn't look at me. He didn't answer.

I tried not to show the look of hurt on my face. I mean, obviously someone as nice and handsome as Edward had to have done it before. I should have expected that. No duh, Bella.

I bit my lip. "Oh," I said lamely, despising the newly awkward atmosphere. Why did you have to bring it up, stupid Bella? "Oh," I repeated.

Edward sighed and sat up, this time taking my hands into his.

"Tanya," he said, answering some unasked question. "It was a mistake," he said apprehensively.

I merely continued to chew on my lip.

He sighed again. "They're true, you know, the rumors," Edward said, sounding resentful. "Well, this one at least. I haven't done so with that many, though."

Somehow, I wasn't assured.

I tried not to show it. "Have you…" God, I couldn't believe I was asking him this, "…done it" – way to go, Bella – "with all of your girlfriends?" I asked nervously, fidgeting with my fingers.

I could feel my cheeks turn hot, and Edward cracked a smile, though it didn't reach his eyes.

He gently took my face into his hands and firmly said, "No."

"No?" I breathed, relieved.

Edward smiled. "No," he confirmed.

"But I still don't get what Emmett…"

He tensed again and dropped both of his hands. I missed the contact, so I took one of his large hands into both of mine and traced the lines embedded into his palm.

His cheeks were slightly pink, making me want to swoon at just how adorable he was.

"Emmett has a very physical relationship with Rosalie," he began nervously. "As I'm sure you know."

I nodded.

"And Jasper and Alice…well, they've had sex before, I think," Edward said, turning another shade of pink.

What! Alice did it? And she didn't tell me? I was going to have to have some girl talk with her after this.

I nodded, rather than voicing my shock.

Edward smiled. "Well, our relationship…" He paused, as if hesitative to continue on. "...we…"

"…Haven't…" I added, blushing.

"Yeah, we haven't," Edward said, and the both of us were turning shades of pink and red. Well, pink for Edward, dark red for me.

I considered this for a moment. When I spoke, I was surprised at the casual tone in my voice. "Well, you want to do it?"

Edward's eyes widened. "Do what?" he asked cautiously.

"Have sex."

He dropped his jaw. "No!" he said firmly, looking absolutely horrified. "Absolutely not," he added, shaking his head.

His response hurt more than it should have, and I could feel the waterworks coming. Did he not want me? Was I not pretty enough or "hot" enough for him? Did he not love me? Question after question rang through my head, and after each one, I found my dignity being shattered to a bazillion pieces.

And then I was mad.

"Absolutely not," I repeated, glaring at him as tore my hands away from his. "You don't want me," I said, feeling my eyes become wet. I was supposed to sound mad, but all that came out was a cracked voice.

His eyes widened again. "No, Bella, of course I want you!" he said quickly. "It's just…"

"Just what?" I asked.

He ran his fingers through his hair, but didn't answer.

A traitor tear slipped down my cheek. "Is it because I'm not beautiful enough?" I asked him indignantly, crossing my arms across my chest and turning away. "Because Tanya was damn gorgeous and I bet you took her in a sec –"

In a flash, Edward had his hand over my mouth, stopping me mid-sentence.

He was glowering at me, and I cringed. He really was mad.

"Tanya," he said through gritted teeth, "was and is the worst person I have ever met. Don't you ever compare yourself to her."

"Why not?" I growled, swatting his hand away. "Because obviously, you physically wanted her whereas I, apparently, am not –"

"I do want you, Bella," Edward interrupted calmly. I saw his hand twitch, but he kept a distance. "I want you so much."

"No you don't," I muttered, feeling another tear. "I'm no Rosalie. I'm not gorgeous or blonde and beautiful, and then I always wonder how someone like you" - I looked up at his unfathomable expression – "could want me."

"Isabella," he nearly growled. He put his hands on either side of my face and forced me to look at him. "You're right – you're not Rosalie. You're not Tanya either. But you know what?" He leaned slightly closer. "I like you better than any other girl in this universe."

So he only likes me. I bet Rejection was enjoying this very much.

"Stop," I said, watching his expression go confused. "Just stop calling me beautiful, because both you and I know that I am n-"

"You really think that?" Edward asked.

"Does it look like I don't?" I cried. "Because honestly, I'm not good enough. Which is exactly why you won't have sex with me, which then leads to the fact that you probably never will. Which means that we won't last forever like I'd always wanted, because we're just some stupid, idiotic high school teenagers!" I yelled angrily, feeling my tears flow nonstop.

Edward looked completely shocked, but I just ignored him and angrily swiped my tears away with my sleeve. This was the first argument we'd shared as boyfriend/girlfriend, and I absolutely hated it.

Edward pulled me onto his lap. I didnt even bother to fight him away, because deep down I knew wanted to have his arms around me.

"I want you," he repeated softly, wiping my tears away with a lot more tenderness than I did for myself. "I think you're beautiful. And one day, when I'm ready, we can be together."

"But you were ready with all the other girls." And secretly, now that he'd said it, I didn't think I was ready either. What happened to 'waiting until marriage'? And I knew I wasn't going to get married any time soon. Charlie and my ex-mother Renee did that, and look where they ended up. Either way, making love (it feels odd talking about this stuff x_x, but its necessary, if you think about it. i guess.) was a big step.

He grimaced at the reminder of his past. "They weren't as important to me as you are. I can't bear to see your virtue gone because of me."

"Oh, so now you think I'm going to get wasted and lose my virtue?" What the hell?

"Possibly," he answered, "because one day, you might look back and regret your decision. You might not want me."

If it weren't for the serious predicament, I would have burst out laughing at how absurd that sounded. I wanted Edward; I mean hey, I was totally and completely in love with him. I wanted him more than I'd ever wanted anything else in my entire life. Even that one time when I was waiting for the next Harry Potter book to come out. I could live without it. But Edward, I needed to be with.

"I want you," I said, feeling the words "I love you" cling to the tip of my tongue. I kept my mouth shut before I could say something like that and blow off the whole relationship.

"Then is it wrong for me to want you, too?" Edward asked me, lacing his fingers through my hair.

And then there was this spark. I wasn't sure, but there was this weird electrical feeling that coursed through my body, seeming to yell "I love you" all over. Under his penetrating gaze, I could feel it. Something. I could feel this something in his touch, watching the way his breathing seemed to hitch and become unsteady. The way my heart seemed to tug at my chest, the way I wanted him so, so much…

"Can you feel it?" I blurted, totally off-subject. He probably didn't even know what I was talking about. Hell, I didn't even know what I was talking about.

But Edward didn't laugh; instead his green eyes seemed to intensify, and the sudden change in atmosphere was sharp and secure. "Yes," he murmured. "I feel it."

I tucked my head under his chin and drew random stuff on the exposed skin just above the top of his shirt. I wasn't sure whether it was making him uncomfortable; if it was, he didn't say anything.

I looked up at him, eye level. "What do you feel?"

"Honestly, Bella?" he murmured, moving a lock of hair out of my face and then stroking my cheek with his fingertips. His green eyes searched mine for a moment, and then he leaned closer to me, his nose brushing against mine. "I feel you."

I blushed.

Edward chuckled and kissed me chastely before pulling back. I traced the dip of his collarbone with my index finger, feeling the soft skin there before trailing it lightly up his throat.

"I feel your hands," he murmured, gently taking my small hand from his chest. He played with my fingers idly before continuing. "I feel your body," he added, his arm once again wounding around my waist. "You're close to me."

"I'm close," I agreed, my heart beating wildly in my chest. It was amazing how quickly we'd transitioned from a heated argument to this sensitive and sentimental atmosphere.

He chuckled apologetically. "I wish I could feel your cheek," he said.

"You're touching my cheek," I informed him.

"Calluses," he said remorsefully, his fingertips now ghosting along my jaw and neck, just like I'd done to him. "I feel a lot of things, both physically and mentally," he said. "What do you feel, Bella?"

"Love," I said instantly, turning a shade of red. My heartbeat was extremely unsteady; I was almost sure that Edward could feel it thumping, or even hear it. "I feel love."

His lips turned into a breathtaking smile.

"I feel love, too," he said, kissing my nose lightly. "And you know what's even better?"

I bit my lip and shook my head.

"The love's for you," Edward said, gently tracing my lip with his thumb.

My heart skipped a beat, and I grinned wider than I'd ever grinned in my entire life.

Edward noticed and laughed while I blushed.

I shyly looked up at him, daring myself to look directly into his depthless green eyes.

He seemed to hesitate a moment, but then said the one thing could make Rejection lose the game. "I love you, Bella." He stared right into my own eyes. He was blushing again, looking adorable as ever as he continued nervously. "I know you might not feel the same w –"

I kissed him. Hard.

Edward didn't respond at first, for he seemed shocked and astonished. But then slowly and gradually, he kissed me back, and before I knew it, I was saying, "I love you" to him over and over again.

"I love you, Edward," I said for the umpteenth time, kissing him fervently and ignoring my protesting lungs. I vaguely wondered if I was dreaming again, but pushed the thought out of my mind. If I was dreaming, there was no need for me to wake up. Reality can wait.

I pulled back first, trying to control my ragged breathing, and Edward was doing the same. Nonetheless, he smiled at me and crushed me to his chest, his lips moving gently along my jaw.

"I really, really, really love you, Isabella," Edward said against my flushed skin. He chuckled when he kissed the pulse at my neck, no doubt feeling just how quickly my heart was racing.

"Err…am I dreaming?" I asked lamely.

Edward pulled away from me and raised an eyebrow. "No, you're not."

"Are ya sure?"

He laughed. "Yes, Bella, I'm sure."

"Huh." And then it actually processed.

"Oh, my God," I gasped.

"What is it?"

"You love me," I said, my voice laced with shock and astonishment.

Edward smiled, taking both of my hands into his, though he looked genuinely perplexed. "Yes, I love you."

"You love me," I repeated, my voice suddenly laced with excitement. "You love me!"

No shit, Bella. The guy already said so, like, a lot.

I grinned and threw my arms around his neck, kissing wherever I could reach, my body jumpy with excitement. And this one time, I was the four-year-old little toddler.

-------o-------

Edward and I had an unspoken agreement that we wouldn't…do that…until we were both ready. I decided that if it was a vice versa situation, Edward would fully respect my needs and wants. So here I was, respecting his needs and wants.

"Alice," I said, doing my best to ignore the ice cold glare Tanya gave me from the other side of the cafeteria.

"Hmm?" She continued to scarf down food. "What's up, Bella?"

"It's almost May," I said softly, wondering where all the time went. One moment, it was Christmas, and Edward was singing to me. The next, we went out and dated publicly, and everyone – except for Lauren's clique – fully supported us. I was happy for that. And then now, the end of the year is coming.

Alice swallowed and set her fork down on her plate, resting her elbows on the table thoughtfully. "I know," she said, no hint of sarcasm. Her eyes were sad, as was her tone. "We have two months, Bella, and we're done with junior year."

"And then we'll be seniors," I said, smiling. Abruptly, the smile faded. "Rose, Em, and Jazz will all go to college," I murmured.

Alice's brow furrowed, and she shoved her food away. "Lost appetite," she muttered when I stared at her questioningly.

"Ali," I sighed tiredly. "Finish your food. You always do."

"Can't."

I sighed again. "Sorry," I mumbled.

She shrugged it off, her face blank when Edward and Jasper approached the table with trays of food, talking and laughing with each other. When they saw us, they immediately stopped.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward asked worriedly, sitting down next to me. He cupped my cheek, his green eyes full of concern. He was one to overreact, especially now, when he was in love with me. I inwardly smiled at the thought.

I was vaguely aware of two other things – one, Jasper talking to Alice just like Edward was talking to me. And two, Tanya's eyes right on me and Edward.

Ignoring those, I bit my lip sheepishly.

"Alice and I are sad that the school year is going to end soon," I whispered to him. "I mean, I could do without the schoolwork. But Rose is going to college…" My voice cracked. "I'm going to miss her."

Edward nodded in understanding and gently crushed me to his chest, his chin resting lightly on top of my head. He lightly stroked my hair, just holding me right there in the middle of the cafeteria where eyes wandered. But I didn't mind. They could look all they want (Hah, take that, Tanya!) and I would still love him.

I pulled away. "Time flew by so quickly," I mumbled.

Edward nodded again and smiled sadly, wiping away a traitor tear with his thumb. "I know, Bella," he said, gently pulling me to his chest again. His shirt smelled like laundry detergent and Edward at the same time. It was nice. "That's what happens when you have fun," Edward murmured into my ear, and I could feel him smiling against my hair.

"Are you going to go here again for senior year?" I asked, pressing my cheek against his chest.

Edward sighed warily. "I've talked to Carlisle about it, and he says it's up to me."

I pulled away from his arms and sat up properly again. Then I grabbed one of his large, pale hands and doodled on his palm with my fingertip.

"What are you going to do?" I said softly, not looking at him. We were in our own world now, and Tanya and Alice and all those other people didn't matter. It was just Edward and me.

He didn't respond at first, and I looked up to find his forehead wrinkled, and a slight frown on his face while he thought.

"I don't know, Bella," Edward said genuinely, his eyes meeting mine. They held a twinge of sadness that I couldn't understand. "I honestly don't know," he repeated. "Where are you going?"

I blushed. "I don't know either. I've talked to Charlie several times, but he's always so busy and has to keep hanging up. He told me he'd call back, but he never did," I mumbled. "He's the reason I came here in the first place, you know," I informed Edward. "Because Rose and I didn't want to seem like such burdens for him. Charlie's already busy enough as it is," I said. Then I added the last part more to myself. "Guess he's still busy."

"Do you want to come back here?" Edward asked, glancing around CP's cafeteria.

"Not really," I said as Rosalie and Emmett appeared at the table. I gave them a wave of acknowledgement and turned back to Edward. "Like I said, Rose is going to be in college, as well as Emmett, Jasper, Jackie, and Ben. I guess I could stay in Forks. Finish high school there. I'm pretty independent, and I can cook for myself."

Loneliness, on the other hand…

"If you're not going to be here next year, Alice and I probably won't come either," Edward informed me, forking a piece of orange chicken and holding it up to my mouth. "Open up."

My cheeks flamed.

While I chewed, he said, "I know we live in Alaska." He seemed slightly disappointed at the thought. "And that's way up north. But don't worry, Bella," he assured me, kissing the top of my head. "We'll work things out. Long distance relationships are possible."

I nodded, but an unspoken question lingered in the air.

Do they last?

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you may think i was psychotic for reacting like that, but dont worry. im perfectly sane. most of the time. ;)

hmm. well, i thought it was cute when edward fed her the piece o orange chicken :P haha. hmm. yeah so. i hope i didnt blow the whole i loive you think. and in Twilight, bella is very important to edward, so i incorporated that into here. He doesnt want to "waste" her because...well...he wants their relationship to last with no regrets. hes just like that, so deal wth it? :P agh, well, just stick to the fact that they want to wait til they're both ready. thats what happens in relatinoships right? XD

OH. and im not sure if you caught this, but when edward said he didnt do it with all of his girlfriends, he means bella. because bella is his girlfriend. heh. :P

drop a review :)