Koishi Komeiji let out a small sigh.

The paths of human villages always felt nice. Sounded nice. The thoughts that scattered about as people went about their lives formed a soft drone, an enjoyable noise in the background.

The satori walked onwards, letting herself feel the uneven grounds of the village. People were looking her way, but she paid them no way.

One step, then another. Koishi began to hop from one foot to another, acting on a simple whim. It seemed just a little more fun to stay on one foot at a time, right now, and so she did just that.

She was smiling. She always smiled! The best days, she told her sister, always happen to you when you're smiling. And she believed that. People smiled for their best days, when they walked by thinking thoughts of kindness and joy.

Thoughts that they would never share with her.

That was alright. People didn't have to share. They were what they were, and they were pretty and strange and exciting nonetheless.

She still chose to smile, though. If she could make one other person smile, then maybe they would have one of their best days, too! Koishi wanted to make every day a good day.

Her sister worried a lot about her. Satori was very, very kind to Koishi, and Koishi appreciated that.

Simple thoughts. Simple steps. One after another. Koishi stumbled in one of her hops, and giggled as she did so. No flying, of course! That would be cheating.

And the humans didn't like flying.

Koishi giggled again as she spotted somebody she knew. A child, a little girl, wandering about the fields of her family's garden.

"Hi!"

The child waved back, and smiled. "Hi Koishi!"

Koishi hopped from one foot to another, and took a moment to appreciate the little happy thoughts of the girl. Children were simpler, in their minds, and they didn't seem to mind Koishi as much. They weren't afraid of her third eye. The younger ones didn't even seem to think it was unusual – she could read them their minds without much surprise.

This girl was a little older, so Koishi held back, and spoke to her normally instead. "Do you wanna play again?"

The girl's face sank. She started to fidget.

Mom and dad said I shouldn't talk to her...

They said it was dangerous.

"You can't trust a satori."

"It's not safe. Don't go near her."

"…I can't." The girl looked to the ground.

Koishi took a shallow breath… and smiled brightly. "That's okay!"

"Mom and dad said I can't."

Koishi nodded. "I'm sorry. I'll make sure I don't make them mad," she added.

She didn't really have any way to fix it. The girl couldn't find her, but Koishi would get her in trouble if she came back or was seen. "Keep having fun, okay?"

The girl nodded sadly, and waved as Koishi left.

When she didn't leave, the children got in trouble.

Koishi turned to walk back where she'd come from. She'd go back home for today.

She wondered when Satori would be busy. These times, it was a little better if she could sneak into home. Her sister always started to think sad or worried thoughts when Koishi had a day like this.

Koishi had a lot of days like this.

And that was okay! It only took one good day, only took a little bit of hope. Even if she couldn't touch them, the life and movement of the people around her was still pretty. One day, Koishi thought, she wanted to see even more of the world. It was so big, and so much of it would still be new.

The satori whistled herself a tune as she walked back the path she'd followed earlier, and started her way homeward.

＊ ＊ ＊

Koishi was immediately aware of Marisa's tight embrace.

The witch was… much sadder than Koishi thought she'd be. That wasn't even a bad day, what she'd remembered. The sounds had been nice, the road had felt alright, and she'd found a nice little rhythm in her hops.

"Why are you so sad?" Asked the satori, and Marisa replied without words.

I know what happened, y'know. Marisa smiled. "You didn't deserve that."

Koishi hugged the witch back. "Thanks."

"Always."

The satori was… still upset, really. She'd been hiding from how much those thoughts hurt, then, and she didn't hide it now. She didn't think she would survive it, if she were to somehow go back.

But she couldn't handle it then, either, could she? She wasn't sure how it would have gone, without the final straw.

Still.

"I can face the past. I'll be brave."

Koishi let go of Marisa, and looked her in the eyes. Marisa smiled back, and Koishi could feel that quiet, indescribable joy that they so often shared, there.

"Well, I'm going with you either way!" Marisa gave a grin. "Ready for today, then?"

And then, little pieces of doubt made themselves known in Marisa's feelings. Tiny fragments of thought.

Koishi frowned. "Are you hiding something from yourself?"

Marisa paused. And then, thoughts and feelings came up, and her grin faded all too quickly.

"…Yeah, sorry." Marisa shook her head. "…Was just thinking about what Patchy said." I think we've got to warn Reimu.

Koishi paused for a moment, reading through Marisa's thoughts and feelings. "You're afraid."

"She might not let us. It's not… technically against the rules, but… if anything happens, it is." Marisa shook her head. "I already broke the rules once. She's going to be angry." And I don't know how angry.

"…But we should." It was obvious why, now: whatever they meant to help with… it wouldn't work if Marisa was struggling with this much fear. The witch might lie on a whim for fun, but she couldn't lie to herself, and she couldn't lie about important things.

This was both.

"She'd figure out anyway," added Marisa. "She always does."

Marisa knew that Koishi was forcing herself to think, now, because Marisa's own worry was stronger than she was used to. It was the witch's habit, to stop and think through her feelings, and Koishi chose to use that same habit for herself, now. "What if she says no?"

"I don't know," said Marisa. The question made her just a little angry. "Maybe we try anyway."

If she's not too suspicious by then.

Koishi nodded.

We should see her now. Marisa was gritting her teeth. She was afraid, and she was being reckless, and these feelings had mixed with guilt and uncertainty. She knew that Flandre deserved better, that in the Gensokyo of the present she should be free. She couldn't be certain that it was the right thing to try, with the risks that followed it.

"…Yeah, I know," Marisa took one deep breath, and then… grinned. It was forced, but with it, her composure came back. "We should just go see her now. It's…" Marisa sighed. "If we don't, I'm gonna be stupid. And not Marisa enough."

Koishi nodded.

And better now, before we start hiding things. And before we might… Even Marisa's thoughts trailed off for a moment. Before we might have to stop.

"Ready?" Marisa hopped onto her broom.

Koishi pulled her back off the broom, pulling her into one tight hug.

There was still a warmth in that, at least. Koishi could feel Marisa smile. "Don't you be afraid just 'cause I am. I'll be okay."

"You're not sure." Koishi didn't let go.

"Isn't that what the future's about?" And from that warmth, Koishi could feel Marisa hold onto just a little bit of her confidence.

For now, that was enough. After a long while, Koishi let the witch go.

"If she gets angry…" Marisa said, looking into the distance. "Like before, don't get in the way. She won't hurt me on the spot. Promise."

Koishi nodded. Marisa was certain as she said, here.

"Alright. Ready?"

"Yeah."

＊ ＊ ＊

Marisa had never been nervous about knocking on Reimu's door before.

It was stupid. It felt stupid. It was not going to stop her.

She went ahead and did. Reimu opened the door almost instantly.

"…Hey," said Marisa, hesitating just a little.

Reimu looked the witch up and down. "The door? No tricks?" She sighed. "I've already got a bad feeling about this."

Marisa didn't respond. Reimu's expression went from slightly sullen to grim. "Oh. So it really is bad news, then. What?"

Koishi followed Marisa quietly. "I'm… I've got something to ask you."

Reimu didn't even blink. "Come on in. I'll make some tea."

Reimu was quiet, now, without complaint or open irritation, and it was… terrifying. It was like she was already prepared for the worst.

She was, Marisa knew. It was not a pleasant atmosphere.

Tea seemed to take a small eternity. Quite unlike her usual self, now, Marisa waited in silence.

Reimu served the tea in that same silence, and then took a seat. "So what is it?"

"It's about Flandre," started Marisa. She forced herself to meet Reimu's gaze. It was useless to feel this guilty before anything had even come up, before she knew what was going to happen.

"She's always been dangerous. Did she do something wrong?"

Marisa shook her head. "No. It's us."

Reimu's glare became colder, somehow. The entire room seemed to become colder. "I know you play with her a lot."

"Yeah." Marisa shook her head. "We…"

Koishi cut in. "We want to help her. We want to help her be less dangerous."

"How?" Reimu looked to Koishi, and Koishi radiated her fear, although she tried her best to hold it in check. It was difficult for Marisa to stifle her own reactions – it was almost overwhelming, almost a painful feedback loop.

But not yet. "You know what Koishi does."

"So you don't know how." Reimu was still staring. She wasn't moving.

"Not until we try," said Marisa. "But it might be dangerous. We're not playing, not dodging spellcards – we're going to try and change it."

Reimu took a sip of her tea. Marisa went on.

"And if something goes wrong, if something happens to us…"

"Then you break the rules again," said Reimu. Her voice was cold. "And you want me to go ahead and let you try anyway."

"…Yeah." Marisa looked down. "I know it's selfish, but Flandre's… she's just a kid. She's been locked away for centuries."

"Because she's dangerous. Because Remilia couldn't change that. Not with fate, not with magic, not with anything else. And you're going to try anyways."

Marisa nodded, and again looked up to meet Reimu's gaze.

Reimu shrugged. "Fine by me. Just one condition." She sighed, and looked down.

"…eh?"

"If something happens to one of you," Reimu began, staring at Marisa once more. "Just to one of you."

"…Yeah?"

"Whoever lives puts her down."

Silence filled the room. Koishi's feelings were overwhelming. What the hell was Reimu asking? Why?

"…What?"

"You heard me. If there's an accident, if she kills one of you. Whoever lives, kills Flandre Scarlet." Reimu stood up. "She's like a child. If she does that by accident, she won't fight back."

How could she even think like that?

"I can't," said Koishi.

Reimu glanced at the satori, and then looked back to Marisa. "Well?"

Marisa stared back. "…How could you…" She trailed off. "No. I can't. I won't."

In an instant, Reimu Hakurei was upon her. "Then why are you asking me to?"

"I—"

"What do you think happens if she kills you? What do you think the rules are?" And now, Reimu was no longer cold. She was angry. Koishi was terrified for Marisa, although she held herself in place.

Reimu was angrier than before, now, and there was no stopping her. "I ask you to do what I'll have to do in one condition and you can't even do that, and you want to go ahead and risk it? You'll be dead, and I'll be there to clean it up. Do you even care?"

"I do." Marisa met her gaze.

"Then do you know what the spell card rules are for? You lived here then. You were here before the rules. You were here when Mima almost killed you. When your parents did what they did because they were scared for your life. Do you think I don't have to clean up if something goes wrong?"

Marisa stared back, and… said nothing. What was there to say? It was a selfish request. It was one person over the safety of Gensokyo.

"They wouldn't let me kill her, and you know it. I bet they know it too. So the only part that not a single one of you care about is who has to be the murderer."

And then, one deep breath, and Reimu stepped back. Cold, once again. "Youkai attack humans. Humans exterminate Youkai. That's how it is. You can't ask me to break the rules. You won't even follow the rules, and you want me to let you go ahead and try this when I'll have to clean up. How selfish can you get?"

Marisa took one deep breath, and then let it out. "…You're right. It is selfish. I'm… sorry."

"Sorry? So what?" Reimu stepped forward again. Marisa could feel Koishi begin to tense again. "Is that it?"

"…No." Marisa felt smaller than she'd felt since she first met Mima. "I'm sorry because I can't just… give this up." She met Reimu's gaze. "You didn't see her. She saw what she is. She knows why she's in the basement. She just… gave up on it. For how many years? And just once, she didn't."

There was a long silence. "So you're saying you're going to try anyways, no matter what I say?"

Marisa was silent. It was strange, how much worse the guilt made her fears.

"Go on, lie. I know you like to. Tell me you won't." Reimu's hand twitched, just a little.

"I'm not going to lie." Still, Marisa stood her ground.

"So you'll try anyways, is that it?" Reimu grit her teeth.

Marisa hesitated… and found enough of herself to summon some anger at that hesitation. "…Yeah."

And then, Reimu grabbed Marisa by the collar, just like before. Amulets were in her hand, now, and Marisa didn't recognize these ones. "Then do you know what you're telling me?"

Marisa said nothing, but held a hand up. I'll be okay, she thought, and Koishi stopped short of any interference.

Reimu tensed. "You're telling me I should have killed you the last time you did this to me."

Her eyes were wide, now. Her grip on Marisa was far, far tighter than it needed to be. She was shaking.

Marisa opened her mouth to speak, and… said nothing. What could she say? Reimu wasn't wrong. She couldn't bear to leave Flandre as she was, but…

She couldn't do this to Reimu, either. She could try, but…

Marisa looked away. "Alright."

"Alright?"

Marisa took a deep breath. She was… ah, hell. She was holding back tears, now. Trying. "I won't do it. I won't try."

Silence. Marisa went on.

"I'll tell them I can't do it. I won't come back here, either. I won't break the rules again. Won't even come close. Alright?"

Marisa wasn't looking when Reimu let her go, and she stumbled backwards.

"Get out." Reimu turned away.

"Yeah. I'm sorry." Marisa turned, and begun to walk. "Let's go."

Koishi didn't move. "…stop," she said. It almost sounded like she was choking. She was on her knees, now.

"Koishi?"

"Please. Stop." She looked up at Reimu. She was shaking, now, and she was crying. "You're hurting each other. A lot."

Reimu froze.

"You…" Koishi's eyes widened. "You're not sure either."

The shrine maiden was almost still. Marisa could see the faint twitch.

Koishi leaned forward. She was desperate. She felt desperate. "You don't want to—"

Reimu threw the amulets to the ground, and the shrine began to quake. Strange, transparent shades of blue flickered across the air, blurring vision without color or force.

One cup of tea fell to the ground, spilling across the floor of the shrine. Spread liquid echoed the trembling of the ground in ripples.

It was a one way barrier. Layers more than Marisa could even hope to read. Out, but not in. It wasn't a spell Reimu had ever used openly.

"I said get out."

Koishi looked up… and then stood up. Her fear seemed to lessen just a little. She didn't say anything, but she followed Marisa.

The two went in silence, leaving Reimu, crossing the strange barrier she had constructed in her outburst.

"…Let's go home." Marisa couldn't bring herself to look Koishi in the eye, now. She couldn't bring herself to look anyone in the eye, now.

＊ ＊ ＊

Marisa hated these moments. And, right now, she hated herself.

Always forward. Always in motion. Marisa Kirisame didn't hesitate for long.

I dunno about you, but I'd rather crash face first into change than never make progress.

She remembered what she'd told Koishi, back then. She'd been so casually confident.

And yet everything about Marisa's philosophy felt like a mistake right now.

That was how the biggest mistakes worked, of course. You almost always wished you hadn't made your mistakes, but the biggest ones left you imagining all the ways you could have avoided them – they had you wasting your time living an imaginary life, a lie where you hadn't so damaged everything you valued.

Even if I mess up, even if people hate me, even if I lose the friends I have…

That was it, wasn't it? That was probably the last time they'd even talk. Did Marisa just give up on every incident to come to keep out of the way, now?

How many years had it been?

"Don't think like that," said Koishi, staring at Marisa. Marisa had taken to bed the moment she'd arrived, and she hadn't moved since.

Don't tell me how to think. Marisa paused. It was harder to stop thoughts than words."Sorry."

Koishi frowned. "It's okay. But under your thoughts, you know better."

"Better than what?"

"To think like that. You don't try to guess what you've lost when you feel like you've lost everything, right?"

For once, Koishi had kept her distance. Right now, Marisa really didn't want anyone to touch her, and the satori could tell.

She didn't feel enough like herself, and it was a feeling that almost made her sick. There was Marisa Kirisame, the charismatic, irresistible, Ordinary Black-and-White Magician, and then there was the selfish screw-up that seemed to have taken her place for now.

"But you're—"

Koishi stopped, and Marisa winced. "Hey, Koishi?"

The satori took a deep breath. "…yeah?"

"Can you not respond to my thoughts, right now? I just… I need a little more space." Marisa was trying her best not to cry. How many things had she just completely destroyed? Flandre was left with nothing, Reimu probably…

She took a deep breath. It had not been this hard to think straight in a long, long time.

"Yeah," said Koishi, taking a seat in the air. She was worried, and she was hopeful, and Marisa could feel it.

But it was quieter. She was trying her best, and the small, delicate satori was holding it together.

She was holding it together, and Marisa Kirisame couldn't. All these years, and she was as much of a failure as—

A sharp intake of breath from Koishi reminded Marisa that this wasn't much of her usual self, right now.

Okay. Thoughts. Feelings needed to be held back. But… what came now?

She stared at Koishi, who looked back at her.

And smiled. She was worried, afraid, and hurt, too, but she was smiling.

Marisa took a deep breath. Hiding wasn't any better than running away.

"…You can talk, if you want. I know I'm thinking stupid things."

The satori nodded. Marisa knew there was a lot she wanted to say, but right now…

Marisa smiled, in spite of herself. She was watching. She was listening, and she was being careful. She was trying her best to do anything she could.

"I am," said Koishi, hopping off her odd perch. She took a seat by the edge of the bed, looking at Marisa still.

Marisa was quiet. She just stared at the ceiling. After everything, after all this stupidity… she was tired.

Koishi started to look a little blank, and then took one, deep breath. She was afraid, and she was having a hard time holding onto it tightly enough to hide it.

"Reimu wasn't sure," she said, at last.

Marisa's stomach dropped. Her vision blurred a little. It hadn't occurred to her that she could have any feelings more excruciating than the ones that were plaguing her before.

What if—no. She couldn't bear the pain of imagining better futures. She didn't have the strength to accept the mistakes she'd made if…

She was crying. Barely. She couldn't hold on.

"She didn't want to refuse."

"Koishi—" Marisa fell short of words, and… thought, instead. I'm sorry.

Koishi looked back at her. "Why?

I'm not strong enough right now. I can't think like that. I can't hope right now.

Koishi replied with a distant, gentle smile. "That's okay."

Marisa closed her eyes, laying back. Nothing felt okay right now.

Well, almost nothing.

"…c'mere," said Marisa.

She exhaled sharply when Koishi collided with her for a hug.

And found it just a little hard to catch her breath. Koishi was holding her quite tightly.

That…

That was okay.

"When I thought I couldn't hope anymore," said Koishi, still holding Marisa as tightly as she could, "I ran. I hid. I closed my eye.

"And it was a long time. Don't know how long it was… but at the end, you came. You helped me see again. You helped me hope again."

Marisa didn't say anything. She hardly thought anything.

"You won't run away. You won't hide. I know you won't. I know it hurts, and I know everything feels broken. I can feel it from you."

And then, Koishi loosened her grip, and looked Marisa in the eyes. She was crying, quietly, but she was smiling. "So I'll help. I know it's too much to hope right now. I know hope's scary. That's okay."

Koishi was in pain, too. She was afraid, too. But she was more hopeful than she was afraid or hurt. More determined.

"I'll hope for you. It'll be better tomorrow. I know you know that."

And Marisa did. The practical parts of her, buried underneath shock and pain and fear, were still there. They had to be. They had been, before.

She was really, really tired. This much, though…

Marisa managed a small smile. "Yeah. I know, I know."

Everything felt broken. Not everything was broken.

These moments – this moment?

For now, this moment was alright. It wasn't a solution, and it wasn't everything, but it was enough to rest.

Koishi giggled, and then leaned forward, giving Marisa a kiss on the cheek.

Marisa kissed her back, and smiled. This was enough to make it to tomorrow. This was enough to sleep on. Then… then she could think. Then she could feel again.

Marisa pulled Koishi into a hug, burying her face, and allowed her exhaustion to take over.

It was a quiet, broken joy that colored Marisa's fading consciousness.