Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters herein mentioned who belong to Marvel Studios and Marvel Comics. I only own Krista Eriksdottir, a few minor OCs, and the main plot.

26. What's in the past…

Asgard was no more, and Krista, sat on her bed in the minuscule quarters she had been assigned, did not know what to make of it. Sure, she had been away from that place for so long she didn't even deserve to feel sadder than most people aboard this ship; but the truth remained, that in her heart of hearts, she had the feeling that she had not enjoyed Asgard when she had the chance. When she lived there, she always had the impression to be unwanted, to be a parasite almost. And now that she knew that she was more Asgardian than Midgardian, her home had been taken away from her.

Just like Frigga. And just like…Loki.

The mischievous Prince had not reappeared yet. It'd been a few hours of hovering around the remnants of Asgard, and still he hadn't shown. Thor and Heimdall had said that he was surely alive, but Krista still despaired. And was angry. Because if he was alive and had run away, she was going to kill him.

In the meantime, she'd been formally introduced to Bruce Banner. Thor wanted to make her look like an Asgardian, but she told him the story was long and complicated, and that the only thing he needed to know was that she was a mutant. The scientist in him had been curious, but she had promised to answer his queries later. She stated she needed rest.

And yet, she was not resting, more like…moping. She did that often, she found, too often.

"You look like you need a drink…" Krista raised her gaze, not surprised one bit to see Brunn standing in the doorway, a bottle in her hand.

She smiled sadly. "Or a dozen…" She raised a hand, and the Valkyrie placed the bottle in her grip. It was a strong brew, but it was what she needed.

"So, why are you hiding?"

"I'm not hiding. I'm thinking."

"Same difference," the brunette said as she launched herself onto the bed.

"What happened to Thor? With…his eye?" Kris looked to the other woman, knowing she'd surely have the answer.

"Hela. It's not that bad, though, is it?" the warrior asked with a foreign dreamy look in her eyes.

Krista was surprised, and showed it, but she still found the means to say "I dare say everything would look good on that idiot. Even rags."

Brunnhilde snorted, and reached for the bottle, taking a big gulp.

And the two friends spent an hour or two between drinking and talking. Sharing. Laughing. A lot.

That evening, Amelia helped Kris out of her armour to have it cleaned, leaving her with spare clothes she'd packed for them. She had chosen cotton pants and an ample chemise, rendering the outfit closer to pyjamas than to a ceremonial outfit. Not that she cared.

Thor was to be officially crowned King of Asgard the following morning. She was happy for him, for he deserved it. There was little left of the selfish, foolish and childish Prince she had grown up in the vicinity of. She could see, guess, the hardship he'd gone through, and she respected the man he'd become. His parents should have been proud.

She was staring through the window and into the void of space – a rather odd thing to do, since she'd never, actually, been in space before – when the door slid open. She didn't turn until a deep and alluring voice rose behind her.

"Good evening, my love."

Kris whirled around, eyes widening and lips opening in a silent gasp as she watched Loki stride in, a magnificent grin on his lips, clad in his armour as if he'd just come out of the same battle as she.

Her brow furrowed almost immediately, and her gaze took on a severe tone. "Where the fuck have you been, you moron?"

He chuckled and took a few paces towards her, conjuring his cape away. It was a shame, for she loved that cape. Always had. "I have missed you too." He reached for her, pulling her into a gentle embrace.

Krista's hands went to his chest, just as they would have an eternity before that day. She raised her gaze to meet his, and his was so tender it almost broke her heart. "Where were you?"

"Thinking. Talking to my brother. Making amends."

"You, making amends? Is that new?" she jested, making him chuckle again.

"I'm trying something called 'apologizing'. And I figured I should apologize to you, for not explaining what had happened earlier."

Kris knew in a fraction of a second that he was talking about that day. The day she had lost all hope of ever having him forever. Her grip on his leather chest-piece tightened, and she pulled him closer still. Placing her head on his shoulder, she simply said "Give me a second. Just one. Before I lose you again."

Loki placed a hand on her head and another on her back, where he stroked her as if comforting her. She realised he was closing his eyes and breathing a bit harder. "Kris…" he said, but didn't go further.

The embrace lasted a couple of minutes. While they held each other, Krista tried to convey a lot of emotions through her body: the hurt, the longing, the loss, the sadness, the heartbreak, the anger, but always, always, the love. Because as stupid as that sounded, she was still in love with that idiot.

When, at last, Loki moved away, he gently pulled her towards the bed, and they sat together. It made Kris laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"It seems to be our thing: you sitting on my bed."

He chuckled too, and he gripped her hand tightly. "I'm so sorry, you know. I should never have believed him, I should have followed you and stopped you from leaving…"

She met his eyes. "Who?"

"Odin. My father." The words were hissed in annoyance, but were also laced with grief. Despite everything that had happened, Loki would still miss his father. "That day, I went to his chambers to announce I wanted to marry you. He said he agreed, but that he wanted to talk to you about the responsibilities of being a Princess of Asgard, because, being a Midgardian, you would not know about them. He said he'd therefore make sure your love was genuine. He sent me to my mother to tell her the good news, and I left. I trusted him…" He squeezed his eyes shut, as if reliving the memory. Krista herself had tears in her eyes. "When I went back to him, he said you had gotten scared of what being my wife entailed, and that you'd asked to go back to your world. I ran to the Bifrost, but you were gone, and Heimdall…he gave me back your ring."

Krista reached for said ring on her right hand. She'd placed it there to make sure she wouldn't lose it.

So Odin had deceived them both. Had made them believe the other didn't love them enough. Had broken both their hearts. And for what?

"I…don't understand. He told me he didn't disapprove of my birth…"

Loki snorted. "I'm sure he said that. He was lying. When Thor announced he was in love with a mortal, our father became enraged. My mother told me," again, the grief. She squeezed his hand tighter. "But I think there was something else behind it. He didn't want me to marry anyone, because in the end, I was not to remain his son for much longer…" His gaze glazed over, as if he was far away.

Kris placed her head on his shoulder, bringing him back to the present. "What do you mean?"

Loki turned to look at her, intently, too intently for comfort. "Kris," he began again, before biting his lips as if not knowing if he should carry on, "I'm not the same man you fell in love with, I know that. I've done…horrible things. I'm aware of that. But I cannot apologize for all of them. I don't feel the need to. Can you understand that?"

She sat straighter. "I've changed too, you know. I've killed. In cold blood sometimes. Like a psychopath. I didn't feel anything. I was hollow inside. I let things happen to me that now would make me crawl away in disgust. By any means, you shouldn't even show me affection anymore."

He had a dark, bitter laugh. "Oh, my sweet, sweet love. You think you are monstrous? Let me show you, and you'll run away from me screaming…" His gaze was dark, glinting with hurt and something else…was it red hues? "I've tried to keep you from this, to keep you in the dark, knowing you wouldn't want me anymore, but you deserve the truth."

Kris was a bit scared by then, she had to admit.

But she knew what he offered. He'd done it once before. Made her relive one of his most exhilarating adventures through her dreams.

So she lay back, placing her head on his lap, and nodded once. "Do it."

He placed a cool hand on her forehead, and she felt herself fall…

Loki was in his chambers. Except they were trashed beyond belief. Everything had been broken, upturned or ripped. Sitting on the floor, he was crying, cradling something in his hand…a ring.

Odin was announcing that Thor was to be crowned as his heir. Loki stood next to his mother, hands clenched in fists. The look on his face said it all: he was angry, enraged even. Frigga whispered to him that he'd still be his brother's closest advisor, but the Prince answered in a harsh whisper that their father had always trained them to believe they'd rule together. And instead, he was pushing him to the side, like a lesser man…

Loki, Thor and Odin were in the Bifrost observatory. Odin was seething about Thor's absurd notions that Jötunheim had to be eradicated. That a King could not go to war on a whim. That he had his people to think of. He announced that he was exiling him. Loki stood there, frozen, but obviously surprised. Scared, even. He had not planned this. He watched his brother being stripped of his powers and sent through the beam of light, and his green eyes filled with tears…

In the vault, there was an item that had caught Loki's eye. The Casket of Ancient Winters, a relic of the war against the Frost Giants. He walked straight to it, and grabbed the handles. Slowly, but surely, his skin turned blue, marks appearing on his skin as his eyes turned red. And Odin entered, and Loki learnt that he was in fact one of the creatures that his people had loathed for thousands of years.

He was a hostage. That's what he was. The man he thought was his father had instead taken him home, hoping to use him as blackmail in case Laufey wanted to start another war. He wasn't Loki of Asgard at all… Who was he really? A monster? Yes, a monster.

Something snapped. Something snapped and Loki tried desperately to grasp what he knew was true. He had been trained to be a King. He'd be one. Even if he had to fight Thor to get to his aim. After all, Thor wouldn't love him anymore, when he knew the truth…

Falling. Falling through nothingness, through blackness, sorrow and despair. Falling, again and again, until he landed on a piece of rock. Being found. Being tortured. Again and again, until his body and his mind submitted. Meeting a Titan. Thanos. Agreeing to attack Earth for him. To find items he needed. Being given a staff. Being tortured again. Not being Loki anymore. Being a shell.

New-York wasn't her home. She'd be safe. Even if she had broken his heart. He watched New-York from above, and thought he could find her after he submits this planet. Find her, force her to her knees, and make her pay for the heartbreak he'd suffered because of her. The Hulk climbed to him.

Loneliness. Loneliness and uselessness. He was reading, he was pretending to be alright, but he wasn't. He was imprisoned. Would soon be sentenced to death. By the people he'd once called family. He refused to show his blue skin anymore. He wasn't a Frost Giant. He was Loki. But he wasn't at the same time…

His mother came to him, talked to him often. Always he pushed her away. A part of him knew she loved him without conditions, like a true mother would. But parts of him, bigger parts of him, reminded themselves that she had known all along and hadn't told him. She'd been part of the conspiracy, and she had betrayed him.

Still, he cries and yells and hurts himself when she dies. Because it's his fault. It's his fault and now he will never be able to tell her he loved her… Dear Mother…

There is something contenting in sending Odin to Earth with a muddled mind. Something even more exhilarating in taking his place under the nose of even the great Heimdall. Something extremely joyful in fooling even Thor.

But still. Loki cannot be Loki anymore. He has to be Odin, now and forever. Because Loki is a monster nobody would follow, nobody would trust. Not even the brother he sacrificed himself for.

Odin has forgiven him. Has called him his son. Despite everything, Loki cries when his father dies.

She's here. Here, on that forsaken planet ruled by a stupid man. She's here, he's heard her name, recognized her in the description. He steps inside her rooms, locks her servant in a side-room, and sees her in everything he touches, everything he sees, hears or smells. She's here.

When the door opens, he hurries to the bed and sits on it, as he's done countless times before. The woman who knows him as Loki is here. She doesn't know anything else, doesn't know what he is and what he's done. She's here, and maybe, just maybe, he can simply be Loki again.

She appears, and his heart skips a beat. Krista…

She opens an eye, then two. Her cheeks are wet, and her heart hurts. She blinks the tears away, overwhelmed by everything she's just felt, seen, lived. Everything Loki has been going through since she left.

Sure, he did unspeakable things. He killed, he was cruel, he betrayed his family over and over again…but through it all…through it all, he never stopped loving them, loving her.

Her. She was the first and the last thing he showed her.

So she sat up and turned to face the man she had never been able to forget. His eyes, too, were filled with tears, and he looked like he expected her to bolt at any given moment.

She didn't. Instead, she placed a hand on his cold cheek – and now everything made sense – and she leaned down to kiss him, slowly, lovingly.

And soon, when they rolled on the covers, lips joined and hands roaming, Krista would tell him how much she loved him, and had never stopped, and would never stop…

A/N: Tadaaaa! So...I seem to make a thing of Loki showing his bad memories to his loved ones. I have written two stories about him and it happened each time. XD But it works, and man, I just want everyone to understand what a lost and amazing man he is. Because I'm SICK of reading and hearing people say he is a bad person, that he's always hurting everyone who loves him and is basically the worst. Uh, pardon the expression, but fuck off. No, he's not perfect, but my God, just read through what his life's been like, and wonder if you wouldn't flick a switch either... :( Anyway, hope you enjoyed these two chapters! There might be a happy moment next chapter. Maybe. :P