Chapter 26: Stealth and BOOM!
Remus couldn't remember having so much fun. "LUPIN! GET THESE BUGS OUT OF MY SHAMPOO NOW OR SO HELP ME YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO SIT FOR MONTHS YOU CRETIN! I HAD THOUGHT YOU GREW OUT OF THIS YOU RAPSCALLION OF A MARAUDER!" Oh wait... he lied. He did remember. But this was a new kind of fun, so it was instantly better. Sure antagonizing the transfiguration professor wasn't the smartest move, but there was only so much he was willing to do to his students. Even if there were different levels he could take for each class. And really, he couldn't do too many pranks all at once, it would traumatize the poor kids. So, when he wanted a really good prank, he pulled one on the staff. Being a professor himself gave him quite a bit more access than he had enjoyed as a student, enabling said pranks on said staff.
"Run run run, you'll never catch me, I'm the Prankster Professor!" he sang as he dashed down the halls, a rather Gryffindor grin on his face. The students all moved out of the way, wary of being run over.
/*/
Slughorn chuckled at the look on his youngest colleague's face. "Really? You have a boggart in your classroom? And you want me to help you handle it?" Slughorn nodded. Then he began to shiver at the look on the young Defense Master's face. "Why thank you~! I know just what to do with it too~!" he said, an eerie sing-song quality creeping into his voice.
'What have I done?' Slughorn wondered as he watched Remus pull out his wand. "What are you planning?" he asked. Remus grinned.
"By the time we're done, Third Year will be this boggart's greatest fear!" he said. Slughorn breathed a small sigh of relief. Remus was just going to use the boggart to teach his third year students. That shouldn't be too bad. The process of extracting the boggart into a traveling case Remus had conjured went smoothly and the rotund professor was feeling a bit more at ease... then Remus started humming.
"Remus?" he asked. The young werewolf turned back with a curious look.
"Yes?" he asked, though there was a tinge of mischief in his eyes that stole Slughorn's courage.
"Nothing. Carry on." Remus grinned a wolfish grin and continued on his way. Humming. The potions professor shuddered as he fled into his office, echos of terror ringing in his ears.
'We are the Marauders, my friends.
And we'll keep on pranking,
til the end!'
/*/
"Good morning class! Today, we have a very special guest!" Remus sang out with a grin. His third year students weren't sure if they should duck and cover, run for the nearest Head of House, or listen eagerly. They settled for edging their seats back and turning slightly so they could dash out at a moment's notice. Remus noticed, but it just made him laugh more. "Who knows what a boggart is?" he asked. No-one moved, though Remus thought there were a few faces that were relieved and a few that looked like they might actually bolt. "Anyone? Anyone?" Remus asked again. No hands. "No-one? Well then, allow me to enlighten you. A boggart is a dark creature that takes on the form of your greatest fear. Some have actually dyed of fear after facing a boggart, but you should never be afraid. It's greatest weapon is fear, but there is a way to defeat it. Does anyone know it?" One brave little Hufflepuff hesitantly raised his hand. "Ah! Excellent. And how do you defeat a boggart, Mr. Williams?"
"La... laughter. Sir," the boy said, nearly loosing his nerve at the sight of Professor Lupin's lupine grin.
"Wonderful! Well done! Yes, boggarts are defeated by laughter, the opposite of fear and screams. SO! Today, we will learn and practice the 'ridikulous' charm," Remus said. Now the class was perking up. That didn't sound too bad. Though, by the end of the class, Remus was sitting in the Depressed Corner from all the boggarts that turned into him... and what his students did to Boggart!Remus. "Class dismissed," he murmured when the bell rang. A few students looked at him in concern, but he waved them off with a typical, 'I'm fine, just need chocolate.'
/*/
The students all loved and feared their defense teacher, as evidenced by how many third years had him as their boggart. Remus was still depressed about that, though Sirius had found it simply hilarious. They were on Christmas Break at the moment and most were eagerly telling their families about the Prankster Professor. Some, mostly Purebloods, groused about him and his attitude and his shabby clothes and generally everything about him... except the fact that he knew what he was doing. No-one could deny he was knowledgeable, or a good teacher. Dumbledore was grudgingly impressed by the werewolf. Despite his condition, which was well documented and prepared for, Remus was a kindhearted man who liked to have fun, and this was reflected in his lessons. Most students came out with smiles on their faces, chattering about the lesson and what Professor Lupin had done in class. So, he couldn't get the man out. Regardless of his gray leanings. It was a bur under his saddle, no mistake, and the following he was gathering was a problem as well.
/*/
Remus looked over his lesson plan and sighed. He needed an example, and what he wanted to do couldn't be done to students and he wouldn't ask one of the other teachers. He'd need outside help. Prongs and Badger were out of the question. Padfoot might be persuadable, as would Bagheera... maybe. Bartoc would be difficult. Snow? Hum. If he could get Padfoot, Bagheera, Bartoc, and Snow he'd have a full crew and if one of them couldn't do it... no great loss. Nodding to himself, he wrote the letters and asked for them to come for a week or two after the Christmas break, when he planned on getting the horcrux and destroying it as per the wishes of it's former owner. Hopefully, the return of a potions protege, a charms mistress, and the Brothers Black would cause enough of a stir no-one wondered what he did during Christmas or why his smile was just a bit more feral.
/*/
While the students were mostly out of the castle, happily spending time with their families, and Dumbledore was musing about the shifts in power while sucking on a lemon drop, Remus was loping about in a certain seventh floor corridor. Why? I would have thought that obvious. He was retrieving the horcrux hidden in the Room of Requirements. Why Sirius hadn't collected it when they were still at school, even the mutt in question couldn't tell you, and was kicking himself for. But, it did give Remus a chance to be a teacher and so far, it had been one of the best things to ever happen to the werewolf. The children respected him, the teachers praised him, he was doing something productive that would have long lasting, positive, results after he was gone. And he loved what he did. He loved teaching. It had been a dream of his for a long time and now, thanks to desperation and a plan so simple it was brilliant, he was living his dream. Oh look, there's the door. Hum, could the room bring forth a requested item? Remus pondered that, then walked three times before the door thinking that he needed the diadem to fulfill Rowena's request. The door shifted slightly and when he opened it, there was the diadem, on a pedestal. Pulling out the Rune Tags, Remus swiftly set up to destroy the thing. "Here goes!" he whispered fiercely to himself. Once the spell left his mouth, fire flared up around the once priceless treasure, reducing it to molten slag. Once more, he heard the all too familiar scream before he cut the spell. He examined it, nodded, then vanished the mess. "Thank you, Hogwarts," the werewolf murmured as he turned to leave. He could have sworn he felt a warm glow of satisfaction and gratitude from the room.
/*/
Sirius stared at the request from Remus. A practical demonstration that couldn't be done with the students? Sounded like an excuse to see his friends again before the summer. Ah well, they could afford it. Besides, the wolf had sent notice that he had destroyed the Diadem during Christmas. Regulus had been torn between depression and joy. On one hand, he hadn't been able to melt the thing himself nor see it, but on the other, it was one less horcrux to worry about. He settled for apathetic in the end, similar to how Sirius reacted to getting Peter in his 'band' as a drummer. After sending a bombarda at the outfit Sirius had put together for him. Honestly, had they never been to a rock concert? But, that's another story. He looked over his office and decided, he could afford to take a week off. So, he wrote his reply and sent it off with the slightly disgruntled, slightly pompous, school owl Remus had used to send his request.
/*/
Lily smiled. Oh Remus, he was having so much fun as a teacher. But, she didn't think she'd be able to make it. She wrote a suggestion for Remus along with her apologies and sent it off with her horned owl, Prongs. He had been a gift from James when she agreed to marry him. She could still remember the day. It had been her birthday, last August...
James took her to the beach, they dug for clams, he built a sandcastle, she decorated it with shells, then he took her to a sea-side bistro and over wine and desert, he got down on one knee and held out an antique ring box. "Would you, Lily Marie Evans, do me the greatest honor ever, and consent to marry me?" he asked, opening the old box to show a beautiful engagement ring. "It was my grandmother's. Dad gave it to me when I graduated Hogwarts and said, 'Son, when you find that perfect girl, or she finds you, give her this with my blessing. I know my mother would have wanted her future granddaughter-in-law to have it.' I can think of no-one more perfect than you, Miss Evans." Looking into his painfully honest face, alight with hope and maybe a little fear, Lily couldn't help but grin.
"Yes, Mr. Potter, I will marry you," she said before launching herself at him, kissing him full on the lips. He picked her up and swung her around for a moment before setting her down and placing the ring on her finger with the utmost of care.
"There. It's official. You're stuck with me and no-one can make a move on you. House Potter looks down on bride-stealing," James said, looking up at her with a happy gleam in his warm hazel eyes. Lily laughed. She couldn't have imagined a better proposal.
With a sigh, Lily pulled herself from the pleasant memories and got back to work. She wondered, briefly, if Remus would take her suggestion. She shrugged and decided it didn't really matter.
/*/
Regulus looked over the letter as he made his way to the delivery truck. He shook his head. "Nah, I left the magical world for a reason and I am not going back on that," he muttered to himself as he climbed into the cab. He wished he could help his friend, but part of him was terrified of facing his former Housemate. Marauders were known for their creative spellwork. And besides, he had left for a reason.
/*/
Severus shook his head, but knew what Sirius would say if he tried to refuse the summons. Because, really, that's what the letter was. A summons to be a practice dummy. Oh well, if it would help one of the few friends he had, Severus would be happy... er... willing, to help. He just prayed he'd come out alive and with all his limbs when all was said and done. Remus was a Marauder. With a Defense Mastery. And he was no slouch in the power department either. Severus heaved a heavy sigh. Why was he going to do this again? '*BOOM* ouch.' Oh yeah. Remus was still better than Sirius. Man he had messed up friends.
/*/
Remus sighed as he read Regulus' letter. Two 'yeses' and one 'no' so far. He hoped Lily would be able... oh no. She was out too. But she did make an interesting offer. With a shrug, he decided to try appealing to the Auror office for James and Peter. Who knew? Maybe they'd let the two go as enticement for the fourth through seventh years to join the Auror Department. He got a letter back the next day that confirmed his hopes. He was getting Aurors Potter and Pettigrew for a week. He smirked. Padfoot, Prongs, Badger and Mooney were getting back together, along with Honorary Marauder Bartoc. Oh yes, the next week was going to be fun! And draw suspicion away from the lot of them. Which was the whole point of this endeavor.
/*/
If you asked any of the students, from any of the Houses, about the week Professor Lupin brought in the Marauders as teaching aides, they'd all tell you the same thing. "It was horrible. We had to check every single thing in the classroom for multiple jinxes and hexes and curses. As well as the hallway leading up to the classroom! But it was also awesome because the Marauders had a five-way duel each class. And it was always epic. Always." Okay, so they wouldn't say it in as many words(or as few depending on who you asked) but the general idea was the same. If you asked the Marauders, they'd say about the same. Only, their response would be closer to,
"It. Was. AWESOME! Although, Mooney/Prongs/Padfoot/Badger/Bartoc could have gone a bit easier. Man, that was some impressive spellwork..." then wander off rubbing a phantom ache. Yeah. They had issues. However, by the end of the week, no-one questioned why Remus had been near giddy before he even sent out the letters. They just figured he was planning how to deliver his own crazy brand of torment to the children of Hogwarts. In a way, they were right, but in another, they played right into the hands of the Marauder of Ravenclaw Tower.
/*/
Lily laughed as she read James' letter. He was still acting cold toward Sirius and Severus, he had to keep up the facade that he was loyal to Dumbledore in order to stay a spy, but that didn't impede his sense of humor. His wicked sense of humor. He told about how they unleashed prank-ggedon on the school, how they had knock-down, drag-out fights using the spells and curses the students were learning about so they could see the results. He told her the sixth and seventh years were the most fun, because they were the closest to a real fight. Lily shook her head. Men. Still, she almost wished she had been there to see it. Say what you would about them, but her fiance and his friends knew how to fight creatively. Honestly? She didn't think they could be uncreative. She blamed Sirius. It usually worked. Covered in sour cream? Sirius. Missing your homework? Sirius. Flashing random colors? Sirius. Missed work? Sirius. Speaking gibberish? Sirius. Fighting a megalomaniac with delusions of grandeur? Sirius. See? Works for everything. "EVANS! Where are the forty-two Gryffindor themed door handles I asked for last week?!" She sighed. Oh well, back to work. Joy.
/*/
Severus couldn't drag himself out of bed. He hurt. A lot. Why, oh why had he allowed himself to be talked into being a practice dummy? It was ridiculous! And yet, it happened. Really, he should have expected it. Things like that happened around the Marauders, and Regulus, pretty much all the time. Like the time Sirius got whacked in the head so hard he reverted almost completely to his pre-Harry personality and became obsessed with bananas and tutus. Yeah. Don't ask. It scarred pretty much everyone. The Slytherins worst of all, seeing as they had to live with him for the week it took for him to recover. And now he was remembering Banana Terror Week. Joy. He sneered and pulled himself out of bed before he picked out his most vampiresque outfit. He was feeling rather emo that morning. He didn't bother to take a shower, preferring to get breakfast and then descend to his potions lab. Sirius saw him swooping down the hallway like a huge bat. He narrowed his eyes at the sight. It was eerily familiar... Le Gasp! It was Professor Snape! "Hold it right there Snape!" he bellowed, dashing toward him with a 'Harry' look on his face(don't ask). Severus turned to him with a scowl.
"What is is it Sirius? I have a week's worth of brewing to catch up on," he snarled.
"BAT OF THE DUNGEONS!" Sirius bellowed, once again, pointing dramatically at his friend. Severus blinked, shrugged, and kept walking. Sirius gaped.
"If you stand like that for too long and your face will get frozen like that," Severus snarked as he strode away to the potions lab. Sirius shook his head.
"My life is seriously weird," he said, walking to his office. Severus heard him and smirked to himself.
"No. My life is Siriusly weird and has been since you pulled me out of the darkness." His smirk deepened. "And I wouldn't trade it for the world," he said, closing the door to his lab. He hadn't been lying. He had a week's worth of brewing to catch up on.
/*/
Bartemous Crouch was not the kindest of men, so when two of his Aurors came back to work after a week back at Hogwarts moaning and rubbing their arms, no-one was surprised when he reemed them out. After all, it was just Hogwarts. However, when The Badger gave him the Evil Eye and asked, "You've never seen Remus Lupin and Sirius Black in a fight, have you?" many shivered. They'd heard the stories about Black, and Lupin was in his little clique... then again... so were Potter and Pettigrew. So... if they were any indication...
"So... you got the tar beat out of you by your old school friends?" one brave soul asked.
"Yes. And Severus Snape was there too. Potions may be his forte, but man, Black sure taught him how to fight," Potter said with a wince, grabbing his leg as though it pained him mightily.
"Yeah, and Professor Lupin was even better. I think I still have bruises from ol' Mooney," Pettigrew said, though there was a ghost of a grin on his face. Crouch sniffed disdainfully.
"I thought the two of you were better than that," he began, but got cut off by Potter.
"We gave as good as we got, Crouch. Remember, this was a demonstration for the kiddies, so we had to get hit some times. And besides, Remus is a defense master."
"And a friend, so have a care how you speak, Crouch. Head of the DMLE or not, I will whup your hind end if you pick on my friends. And I promise you... it will hurt. A lot," Pettigrew said, voice low and deathly calm. Everyone who heard, expect Crouch, shivered. They had all seen him fight at least once, and while it was spectacular and mesmerizing, it was also blood-chillingly terrifying. Those that had fought him winced as they shivered, remembering the pain brought on by his so-called magic metal pipe of pain.
"I don't particularly care, Pettigrew. I loaned you to the Defense Professor to give a demonstration, and I expected you to be able to handle that. You're two of my top Aurors. Shake it off and get back to work!" Crouch said icily. Potter and Pettigrew glared at him.
"I'll get the duck tape, you get the ants," Pettigrew said, leaning towards Potter.
"Fire ants. Really big ones," Potter said with a nod, his usually warm hazel eyes sharp, cold, and narrowed in extreme distaste. Crouch huffed and left. Potter and Pettigrew gave a sideways fist-bump then walked to their cubicles.
"What're you lot lookin' at?! Get back to work! Shows over!" Pettigrew yelled, glaring. There was a mad scramble in the room to start working.
/*/
The year passed as the last had. More people died, Voldemort gained slight amounts of power each day, and Sirius was an awesome prankster. Then, on July 24, Voldemort and a good chunk of his Death Eaters were killed. The muggle's were insistent that it was a gas explosion, from the old gas lamps the manor still used. The wizards in the community, though they were few and muggleborn, told a different story. "A group of fourteen crept up the hill and then, an hour later, the manor was engulfed in fyendfire. It was per-meditated murder. Or an execution. Either way, it was highly deliberate." No-one quite knew what to think, but they knew one thing for sure. Voldemort was dead and gone, with no way to return. Even Dumbledore, who was well known to disapprove of killing and death, was relieved by that one fact. Though something still bugged the old wizard. Who were those fourteen and how did they control the fyendfire so completely?
/*/
Deep under ground, in the secret HQ of the League of Shadowed Sorrow, the Heads and their Senior Agents, minus a rather pregnant Blaze, were celebrating their win. "And then, the glass shattered! And the way the grass curled as it burned?! Perfect!" Blizzard said, dancing around with a bottle of butterbeer. Enigma had his head on the table, shaking it back and forth muttering,
"Why me? Why my brother?" Spider just looked at the dancing Blizzard. No-one could tell if he was bemused, amused, shocked, appalled, or concerned, but he was watching the wacko. Gates shook his head.
"Why didn't your mask have flames?" he asked. Blizzard stopped and thought, a single, black covered finger resting on his chin.
"I think... because my personality and magic is more like snow and lightning. But, that's just a shot in the dark. I'm not an Enchanter, so I'm not sure how these beauties work, exactly. Though, I'd love to learn. They are truly works of magical art!" the researcher finally said. Blades shook her head.
"Whatever, it works. Now, to peace!" she said with a cry. The others raised their glasses, then turned away, lifting their masks to drink.
"You know... a lot of people are going to be wondering about us," Screw, the Interrogation Senior Agent, said, his bottle clinking onto the table. Enigma growled.
"Especially Dumbles. He's probably going to have a man-hunt for us so he can decide if we're 'Light' enough for his world."
"Rather touchy there Enigma. What has Dumbledore done to you to cause this sort of amenity?" Tangle asked. Enigma sighed.
"He... he messed up a lot of things. A lot of lives. Mine. My brothers'. My sisters'. My godson's. His habit of holding all his cards close to his chest caused a lot of problems. More than it solved or prevented. I just... I don't think I'm going to let his reputation survive the after-shock of the War. He has been in power for too long. He's lost touch. It is time for our world to move on, to see what the other half has done, has made. Like pens! Pens are amazing. And pulp paper! Notebooks! Vacuum cleaners! Microwaves! Microwave dinners! Gotta love them microwave dinners," he said, before trailing off into unintelligible mutterings, though Blades thought she could see a little bit of drool dripping out from under his mask. She shook her head.
"Alright, alright! Enough! We don't want a puddle of drool on our table, Enigma. So, now the Dark Hypocrite is dead, reduced to ash along with quite a few of his supporters. What do we do with the rest?" she asked. Enigma took a deep breath.
"We round up those we know, root out those we didn't, and instigate a new trend for the next five years."
"New trend?"
"Removing the left sleeve from your robes, leaving the arm exposed."
"Okay, how are we to start it without letting the D.E.s know and flee?" Enimga gave off a rather terrifying aura. Those that knew who he was could imagine the evil grin on his face.
"Oh but you see? Those that flee... are marked! They give themselves away by running!" Tangle laughed, Spider shook his head, Blizzard cackled, Blades wondered why she loved the man, Shield hoped it worked, and Sparks and Screw both shook their heads at the thought.
"Are you and Blizzard related? Because, that's almost as simply brilliant as the Defense Ploy!" Gear, the Spell Development Senior Agent, cried. Enigma and Blizzard shared a look, then shook their heads.
"Yeah, we're related, but those that don't know can't know our identities, or our relation. Just know we are," Blizzard said, Enigma nodding along. The others sighed, though now Spider, Tangle and Wave knew for sure that Blizzard was Regulus. "So, I guess that's all for the... ah... company party. Time for the family celebrations. Night all!" Blizzard chirped before vanishing with a soft breath of wind. Enigma shook his head.
"I have got to get him to tell me how he does that!" he said before vanishing with the tell-tale pop of apperation. Soon, the underground base was empty. There would be more than enough time to track down the last of Voldemort's lackeys later. They were off the clock and could finally take things at their own pace.
/?/
Yeah, a bit anti-climatic. But, Voldie is gone for good! Sirius' major mission is over! Next chapter will be fluffy, angsty, and basically a great big sigh of relief. Sorry if this chapter left you feeling cheated. It feels a little rushed to me, but I wanted to finish off the horcrux hunt and Voldie at the same time, hence the title 'Stealth and BOOM.' Anyway, let me know what you liked, what you didn't like, and what I could have done to make it better. Until next time!