Of Secrets and Lies

Chapter 26

The Anniversary

Kaoru huddled the covers closer to her face.

It wasn't that the living room was cold. In actual fact it was quite warm due to the heat radiating from the central heating, but still that had not stopped Kaoru dragging her blue duvet from her bedroom on to the couch. Her stomach was still quite sore and swollen and overall she didn't feel like doing anything. Since her discovery two days ago, she'd felt nothing but guilt mixed with fury. It seethed slightly inside her like water waiting to boil over. She felt sick and the most she could match the emotions too was those feeble days after she had found out Kenshin was Battousai and the livid rage she'd felt the night she grabbed that sword.

Sighing she sank her head into one of the green coloured cushions. How could she not have known? Maybe a part of her had guessed all along that this was the most natural course of action Shishio would take but she hadn't actually felt it until she'd seen the damage. Her family...thought she was dead. It had been bad enough when her mother had died but her Otou-san...he wouldn't be able to survive that much grief again. It wasn't only that but the Sayoni's...those two kind people who had tried to help her, dead because Kaoru didn't know how to keep her mouth shut. Obviously in the past week Kaoru had watched television but like at the hotel suite, it was impossible to watch anything other than DVD's.

'Dead...why didn't Kenshin tell me!' She had asked but she already knew the answer - because it would upset her. She knew privately that Kenshin had probably killed Gohei but Kilhei...that was entirely Kaoru's doing. Should she feel guilty...she should but all she felt was ashamed that she hadn't even been able to keep to her sword ryu's principle. To add to the burden her hideous nightmares had taken a drastic turn for the worse. Every time she drifted off she kept seeing her own coffin being lowered into the ground. It had gotten so bad that Kaoru no longer slept at night at all. She kept herself awake for as long as possible out of sheer fear.

Every moment...she could see it all repeating itself in her head. It was torture; Kaoru couldn't stand it at all. Her heart started to thump and she sat up. The house was quiet but that was because Kenshin was in the shower. Standing up Kaoru shifted the sheets off her and tied her dressing gown a little tighter. Her family would be suffering so much...even more so now the Anniversary of her mother's death was in two days. 'I wish Okaa-san was here...I wish I could talk to her...just so I'd know what to do...' Mused Kaoru feeling a lump rise in her throat.

The sound of her bare feet sounded throughout the corridor as Kaoru walked through the dark hallway until she came to the end door. Pushing it open she felt the wooden floor chill her exposed feet and toes. As usual an array of Shinai's and Bokkens were on display in the far corner, along with a few sheathed swords. Kaoru gulped feeling quite sick as she walked towards the weapons of death. Her hands stroked along the familiar rough wooden handles of the bokkens and then they met the smooth hilts of the swords. Her heart skipped a few beats and she was filled with the same curiosity and fascination that she felt a month ago and as child.

Her fingers tightened around the hilt as she lifted it gently off the wall. Holding it up in the dim light of the Dojo Kaoru felt a mixture of elation and fear. How could something so beautiful be so deadly? The way it shone in the pale yellow light, she withdrew it cautiously watching as the blade sparkled. She felt repulsed. 'Put it down, Kami-sama sake! Put the damn thing down,' Urged a part of her mind. It was only then Kaoru realised something was wrong with this sword...the blade was on the wrong side.

"Sakabatou?" Murmured Kaoru examining the reversed blade curiously. Why among so many other deadly weapons was there a sword of a pacifist? A reversed blade could kill no one. Kaoru smiled, if she was ever going to have to use a sword she would much rather it be this one. It was a pity Kenshin couldn't use it. 'I might be able to change that though, If I can just stop him from assassinating long enough...' She sighed wistfully re-sheathing it and placing it back on the wall. Swords that Protect life - her ideology. Did she even have the right to be a Kasshien pupil anymore though? When put to the test Kaoru had failed forgetting the second rule. 'Swords that protect life...the life of yourself, the person you're trying to protect and the life of the opponent.'

Taking a step backwards she looked at the bokkens feeling conflicted. She didn't feel guilty...did that make her a bad person? It was in self-defence...but should she have known better? She gritted her teeth, why oh why did everything have to be so confusing. Why couldn't things just be simple? Kaoru was interrupted from her thoughts as she heard a soft padding noise on the Dojo floor. Turning around she saw Kenshin approach her dressed in a dark blue dressing gown, red pyjama bottoms with his wet hair tied back loosely.

"Kaoru-dono? I was wondering if you are alright, that I was," Said Kenshin politely walking until he was beside her. His eyes moved from the bokkens to the swords to the shinai's. Kaoru stood awkwardly for a few moments wondering what to say. She longed to be able to just tell how she felt because keeping it bottled up was horrible...yet was she ready to trust him again? On the other hand she didn't have anybody else. Maybe she might have told Okami-san but Kaoru didn't know how to get in touch with the old woman. Finally she sighed.

"I'm...not okay. I guess I'm still in shock about Sayoni-san...I mean its my fault they're dead. If I hadn't have knocked on that door then they'd still be alive...It's horrible knowing that," Said Kaoru softly. The old couple had lived in poverty but they had been so willing to help her. She'd even made mental notes to upgrade their house in her naive little mind. The thought of them being slaughtered was enough to make her feel physically ill. Next to her Kenshin sighed and turned to look at Kaoru intently.

"I-It's...not easy living with guilt Kaoru-dono, but for what it is worth you did not intend to hurt them. You're situation was understandable and I am sure if Sayoni-dono and Sayoni-san were alive they'd wish you only happiness, that they would," Said Kenshin sincerely. Kaoru nodded, the dead never wished harm upon the living but at night she had a hard time convincing herself of that. She glanced at Kenshin thoughtfully...when he said that, he had sounded...sad. 'I suppose...he must have a lot of regrets too...' He never showed it though. He always hid his feelings behind a smile. That was something Kaoru at first glance could admire but then she realised how damaging such a thing could be.

"And...well...I've failed...I've failed my sword ryu," Said Kaoru sadly staring longingly at the bokkens. She moved forward to place a hand on the hilt but stopped. Did she have any right too...she closed her eyes. The memories were painful and disorientated but she could remember the blood pouring out of his back. At the time it had seemed so insignificant...she opened her eyes and withdrew her hand sighing.

"Swords that Protect Life...not just your own but the life of the opponent. I've been training since I was nine years old...I should have known better...but when he came running towards me I panicked and forgot I was carrying a real sword. I wanted to live so badly I forgot everything...how I can I practice my ryu now when I dishonoured it," Said Kaoru bowing her head. She jerked her head when she felt a warm hand, guiding her own towards the handle of the bokken. She found herself staring into deep lilac coloured eyes.

"Kaoru-dono, in life mistakes are made. You wanted to live so you protected your own life...sessha is very glad you did for he does not know what he would have done if you hadn't. If you turn your back on Kamiya Kasshien Ryu now then you would have failed it. A sword is a weapon. The art of swordsmanship is learning how to kill...you're principles are a naive lie de-gozaru," Kaoru glared up at him fiercely and was surprised when he chuckled, "However I much prefer your lie over reality Kaoru-dono. If you work at it someday it might become a truth. Besides it pretty obvious by the way that you're glaring at me that you still want to practice."

Kaoru didn't know if she should feel insulted, flattered, irritated or amused at Kenshin's display of words. They had definitely been food for thought. She tightened her grip on the bokken and withdrew it from its stand. Grinning mischievously she whacked Kenshin hard around the head. The mighty hitokiri let out a strangled cry as he toppled to the floor massaging the new bump.

"Orororo...what was that for?"

"Hmph! Well, you did just give my sword ryu a big insult but since you did make sense I decided not to whack you as hard. See, I can be compassionate once in a while," Declared Kaoru laughing as Kenshin stared at her as if she'd suddenly sprouted an extra pair of arms.

"This one hopes you keep sparing him compassion. He doesn't know if he'll survive any hard blows," Said Kenshin struggling to his feet. Kaoru laughed feeling a bit better. It was nice to be able to talk to somebody. 'Moth to flame, go too close and you get burned,' Chimed a voice in her head. Kaoru gritted her teeth trying to ignore it as she slammed it hard stopping it at waist height. If she could picture practicing on Makoto Shishio's head then she was sure she would improve. Kenshin watched her for few moments and Kaoru continued talking in between strikes.

"It's not...just that. Everyone at home thinks I'm dead! I'm worried about my Otou-san, he's probably sunken into depression again...and this week was going to be hard enough as it was. I wish I could just tell them I'm all right...just phone them to let them know I'm safe...but then again Misao and Sanosuke would probably storm round and I'm willing to be you'll be Misao's new target board with her kunai's." Said Kaoru, imagining for a brief moment her weasel like cousin chasing Kenshin around the dojo flinging kunai's at him. Kenshin shook his head smiling in amusement.

"Sessha would not like to see that de-gozaru, Misao-dono probably has quite a good aim. Anyway Kaoru-dono, what is it that will make this week so exceptionally hard?" Kaoru stopped in mid-swing turning to face Kenshin. He didn't know, well obviously not. It's not like Kaoru had made a point of notifying him. The Rose of Martial Arts looked at him carefully before speaking.

"It's been nearly eleven years since my Okaa-san died. It'll be the anniversary on the fifth of June, normally we'd all go and visit the grave," Explained Kaoru. To be honest it had always felt awkward going to see her mother's grave. She, and Yahiko didn't know quite how to act because they couldn't quite feel the same emotions as Megumi and their father. Still, Kaoru couldn't help but feel like she'd failed her mother in some weird sort of way, "I don't suppose I can do that this year. It's strange, I almost feel like I've let her down or something." Added Kaoru swinging the bokken once again.

"I'm sorry to hear that Kaoru-dono," Said Kenshin warmly," but you know we can't go though...for one thing it's likely Shishio would expect us to do just that." Kaoru nodded and continued with her kata formation. She had expected such an answer. It would be silly to risk it all on one grave visit, a visit Kaoru normally disliked doing but did out of duty. She hoped her mother would understand.

"I know," Sighed Kaoru unaware of the thoughtful glance she was earning herself.

"Are you sure sir?"

"Positive."

Kenshin narrowed his eyes suspiciously, gazing sceptically at his boss. This was not normal behaviour and it certainly pushed the barrier of secrecy that they had been trying to maintain. Kogoro Katsura was not known for taking unnecessary risks and what he was proposing now was very unnecessary. The third leader of the Ishin Shishi sat calmly in his office chair, his eyes boring into Kenshin's own as if guessing what the hitokiri was thinking. Battousai displayed no emotion but behind the cold frontier the wheels of his mind were ticking vigorously. 'What could possibly be his reason? Two days ago it was shopping...and now this. For the past week it's as if he's been avoiding me...and I've had no assignments.'

"With all due respect Katsura-sama, this is the second time this week you have been willing to take such a risk and I must enquire as to why. I cannot help but be suspicious of your motives. How could this possibly benefit us?" Asked Kenshin impassively. Katsure sighed almost tiredly, Kenshin watched him. His employer was only twenty-nine yet recently his appearance had grown more haggard and exhausted looking. Laid out in front of him was a pile of papers littering the next illuminated by the fire burning behind him.

"Himura-san, do you or do you not want to allow Kamiya-san to visit her mothers grave?" Asked Katsura wearily.

"I don't see what that has to do with anything," Said Kenshin coolly. He would not allow him to use Kaoru as leverage. Kaoru was private and personal, this was duty. The two things where separate and Kaoru should not affect his position. The last thing he needed was other fellow hitokiri's using her as a weakness...not that they'd dare to but if it became apparent she could be used in such a manner then Kenshin would rather not take the risk. Shadows danced around the dark office reflected by the vivid orange flames. The bronze carpet shone and the light bounced off the smooth oak desk shrouding Kogoro's face in yellow light making the small lines seem much more.

"You are suspicious aren't you? I do not blame you for being protective Himura-san," Assured Katsura, "My motives are purely business. It would not do for her to get unhappy or feel trapped. So long as precautions are taken then I see no reason why she cannot visit the grave of Kamiya Katsumi. Providing, of course you accompany her. We'll have Toshiko tailing you both and the access to the security camera's around that area are quite simple."

"But there is still a risk," Said Kenshin stubbornly.

"No more so than you two wandering around Aizu together," Retorted Katsura firmly before picking up his pen, "You may go now Himura-san. That is all I wished to discuss with you." Kenshin bowed, a part of him was wanting to know why his assignments had suddenly stopped. It was that he missed them, in fact quite the opposite but it was a little unnerving. Turning around he walked out of the office and into the long corridors.

His brisk walk was not disturbed until he passed the medical facilities where Doctor Gensai was sitting in deep conversation with Okami. The two looked up and both stood to their feet to greet him with a smile. Kenshin smiled slightly but then gulped as Okami shoved a basket into his hands.

"Food. I don't trust that processed gunk they sell these days," Kenshin nodded politely but the basket was extremely heavy. How much had she packed...enough to feed a family of ten? 'I wonder if Katsura-sama had surgery...I wonder if I'll need surgery with this much!' Kenshin then addressed his attention to Doctor Gensai.

"Ah Himura-san, how is Kaoru-chan feeling?"

"Oh? Much better, Arigatou," Thanked Kenshin. Doctor Gensai nodded in approval.

"I would still recommend she has blood tests done though, anyway I'll be visiting again next Thursday just to check up on her progress," Said Doctor Gensai. Kenshin nodded, privately he suspected that Kaoru was definitely anaemic or something else. Although the bags under her eyes had disappeared, he couldn't help but notice this was only since she had bought the foundation. Clearly she was covering up something but on the other hand Kenshin had no right to go around ordering her to get blood tests.

"Good day Doctor Gensai, Okami-dono," Said Kenshin continuing down the corridor thinking of how to put forward his latest question. Katsura-sama's behaviour was suspicious and Kenshin was beginning to formulate various theories that he certainly hoped where wrong. Nevertheless, Kaoru would probably be happy that she would be able to visit her mother's grave. Kenshin had his own personal reasons for not wanting to go within a two-mile radius of the Kyoto Cemetery. It made him feel uncomfortable and the memories that dwelt there were not happy ones. If he could, he would have avoided going there at all costs...but this wasn't about him.

The car ride back to the house was uneventful. Satoshi had even dropped a few comments about the weather, Kenshin had replied politely making the atmosphere much more bearable but his thoughts would still linger from the meeting, to his assignments, to Kaoru, to the past in a continuous cycle. He almost didn't notice when the car stopped outside the house. He thanked the drivers and then proceeded inside.

The door was no longer locked as it once had been, he no longer needed to fear Kaoru and her wild escape attempts. Once indoors he unpacked the food into the fridge eyeing the larger than life chicken Okami had packed along with; two bottles of wine, three jumbo bars of chocolate, (no doubt Kaoru would find those interesting) Five new magazines, butter, jam, two loaves of crusty bread, tins of soup, some salad and a large pizza. At least Kenshin would not have to go shopping for a while.

After unpacking, he walked into the living room and was surprised to see Kaoru, curled up asleep on the couch. The television was humming in the background and Kenshin noticed it was once again Mulan she had been watching. Her face was pale and the blanket covering her was lopsided. He smiled slightly watching as she breathed calmly. She looked so peaceful asleep, untouchable in another world. Moving forward quietly he pulled the rest of the blanket over her tucking her in. She was so close...but so faraway. The Hitokiri paused watching her for a few moments.

"I hope you sleep well, Kaoru-dono," He whispered brushing a stray strand of black hair out of her eyes. He then moved over to the opposite couch and sat down watching the television with a vacant expression. He was not about to disturb her sleep, he could wait until she woke up. It was after all only three o'clock in the afternoon, she would probably sleep until dinnertime.

'Sessha imagines we won't be spoiled for choice,' Thought Kenshin wirily thinking of the load of shopping they had been gifted with.

It was New Years Eve again.

Kaoru felt a bit bewildered. Why was everyone celebrating New Years Eve in June? The buffet tables were lain with food and slow music was playing in the background as couples waltzed around the floor. Kaoru stood on the sidelines watching contently as Yahiko and Megumi revolved on the stop while Nagoyaki-sensei played the piano. She then wondered into the corridor filled with mistletoe. Maybe Kenshin would be there again...she felt mildly confused at this. Was this a dream or a memory?

"Gomen nasai, for keeping you waiting Kaoru-dono," Came a soft familiar voice. Kaoru grinned and turned around expecting to see Kenshin standing there in his formal clothes. Instead the smile was wiped off her face and she opened her mouth to scream. Nothing came out, Hitokiri Battousai stood there drenched in blood with a katana in his hand. Kaoru felt herself trying to run but her legs remained glued to the spot. This was it, she was going to die.

The scene swirled and vanished. Kaoru blinked in surprise. Why was she standing at the edge of a swimming pool? How odd she could have swore she was supposed to be somewhere else. She glanced at the water and shivered, floating green algae was skimming along the surface of the murky depths. How disgusting, feeling revolted she took a step backwards and almost collided with the person behind her.

"Kaoru-chan, you need to go swimming," Kaoru felt hope skip in her heart as she whirled around. Facing her was her mother, Kamiya Katsumi standing there dressed in her old patched overalls. Her long black hair was pulled into low pigtails and she was smiling brightly at Kaoru. How silly, Kaoru glanced at the swimming pool. She didn't want to go swimming...she'd have to tell her mother.

"I don't want too," Called out Kaoru. Her mother smiled but the bright blue irises of her eyes faded into a black colour. Kaoru felt puzzled. Her mothers eyes were blue...just like her own. Not black, there must be some sort of mistake. Opening her mouth Kaoru was about to shout out that something had went wrong...this wasn't right. Kaoru wasn't supposed to be here...

"Kaoru-dono?"

Kaoru opened her eyes. Somebody was calling her name. She groaned, closing them again, pulling the blankets tighter around her. She didn't want to get up yet, she was too sleepy and tired. Tangled webs of confusion knitted themselves in her mind. Why on earth was she having bizarre dreams of green mouldy swimming pools? Was she finally going insane? It would be surprising.

"Kaoru-dono?"

Kaoru jerked with a start rolling over to find her face inches away from another. Purple eyes stared right into her own and she gave out a small shriek of surprise, moving she suddenly she found herself tumbling off the edge of the sofa. Luckily a pair of arms grabbed her firmly and steadied her moving her gently back on the sofa. Kaoru yawned but then stared in bewilderment at Kenshin who was smiling apologetically.

"Gomen, Kaoru-dono for waking you up but dinner is ready de-gozaru," Kaoru nodded, sitting up rubbing her eyes. Dinner was ready? That couldn't be right, she'd only sat down to watch Mulan...what bit had she reached? She had been past the bit where Mulan had runaway from home. Had she been at the bit where she had met Mushu? No? Yet even so it had only bee two o'clock. Not half six at night.

"Oh? How long have I been asleep?" Asked Kaoru, standing up.

"I don't know, you were asleep when this one arrived back, that you were and it's half past five now," Answered Kenshin. Kaoru nodded, roughly three and a half hours. She followed him into the kitchen where two plates where set out. Taking her seat Kaoru took a sip from the glass of blackcurrant juice in front of her. Her insides rumbled as Kenshin dished out the slices of fresh pizza before taking his own seat. Kaoru picked up her knife and fork and dug in hungrily. Lunch felt as if it had been hours ago.

"Okami-dono, felt it was necessary to give sessha some food," Explained Kenshin, his voice full of amusement. Kaoru nodded not quite taking in the new bit of information. Once her mind had processed it she looked up feeling her heart skip beats. If he had seen Okami, then that meant he had been at Headquarters...what if he had been out on an assignment? He can't have been...Kaoru had ripped up the black envelope she'd found earlier and as far as she was aware he hadn't been near the Dojo. He'd left wearing civilian clothes...he had told her he was going shopping. I'm a complete idiot! Of course they'll have weapons at the headquarters...what do I do?'

"Oh...um...that was nice of her...um...I thought you were going shopping!" Accused Kaoru jabbing a knife pointedly at Kenshin. She could feel herself tremble slightly. What measures now, she would have to stop him leaving the house next. Well locking themselves in would be easy. The keys to the Dojo and the house were always kept in the fruit bowl on the unit. Kenshin, however stared at Kaoru nonplussed, blinking dumbly before he looked at Kaoru gravely.

"I was, but Katsura-sama asked for me to meet with him...and when he did he gave me some news," Kaoru looked up feeling her heart pump viciously. She gulped nervously feeling the palms of her hands go damp. Of course Katsura had cottoned on, had he informed Kenshin about the assignments he'd missed? Would Kenshin now give her some sort of row or lecture? She glared furiously. Let him try, she would personally make it her life's mission to ensure he never left the house again if necessary. But still behind the conviction Kaoru was quite afraid, it was easy to forget who Kenshin was but at times like this it was a painful reminder.

"Kaoru-dono, Katsura-sama thinks that it is possible for you to visit your mothers grave de-gozaru."

Kaoru chocked. Whatever she had been expecting to hear that had certainly not been it. She took a large gulp of juice before calming down. She felt quite delirious in relief. She had not been found out yet...yet being the operative word but Kaoru still felt shocked. Why would they risk exposure just to let her go to her mother's grave? It seemed a very stupid move but Kaoru felt both awkward and grateful.

"W-Why?" Asked Kaoru.

"I don't know," Shrugged Kenshin, "And to be honest it is a bit disconcerting but he seems to think so long as certain measures are taken that we will be fine. Obviously we can't go during the day or at night because Shishio would expect that...but then again Shishio doesn't want to acknowledge your existence to the world yet so he, himself might overlook it. If we go at sunrise tomorrow we should be quite safe," Stated Kenshin. Kaoru nodded numbly. Visit her mother's grave...so much trouble over such a small thing...yet Kaoru would be insulting her mother if she didn't accept the chance to go.

"Arigatou...I'm a bit surprised," Admitted Kaoru and for a horrible moment she was reminded of her dream. She couldn't remember it all but for some reason it had been New Years Eve...that had been quite funny. She could recall that part and the swimming pool bit. Compared to her other nightmares it had not been so bad.

"Is something wrong Kaoru-dono?" Asked Kenshin.

"Oh? Nothing...it's just it's a bit weird I guess," Said Kaoru pondering for a moment if she should tell him. Technically it wasn't telling him about her nightmares. Kenshin looked up displaying a face of polite curiosity. Kaoru decided to continue editing out the bit where he had nearly killed her, "Well...I had a strange dream. I dreamt it was New Years Eve...then for some weird reason I was standing at the edge of a swimming pool...like the one at the hotel suite. It was completely gross but my Okaa-san was they're telling me to go swimming. Strange huh?" Said Kaoru taking a bite out of her pizza.

"It is a bit odd," Said Kenshin honestly.

"Yeah, I guess...anyway did Okami ever cook for sumo's?" Joked Kaoru. Kenshin chuckled.

"Not that this one knows of but she seems to think we both need fattening up de-gozaru."

"Well you do," Said Kaoru eyeing Kenshin's slim frame. She felt so envious...why did she feel like a lump of lard next to him. It was so annoying. Misao was like a twig, Megumi could become a model but Kaoru felt like one of the fat dwarves out of Snow White, "I don't. I don't ever want to look at a pair of scales."

"Ororo! You mustn't be so harsh about yourself Kaoru-dono, Sessha thinks you look...this one thinks you look very nice as you are de-gozaru," Said Kenshin turning red. Kaoru smiled feeling quite light inside at the compliment. She grinned and then laughed.

"Well you do and no arguments. You look like a bit of wind could blow you away...I mean no wonder I thought you were a wuss when I met you. I thought one punch would send you orbiting planet Mars," Teased Kaoru watching as Kenshin pouted looking for a moment like a pre-teen that's been told they look like an eight year old. Kaoru laughed even harder. Fear the mighty Battousai who looks like a stick.

"It's not funny I'll have you know!" Protested Kenshin trying desperately to salvage what pride he had left.

"It is! I mean come off it...you're meant to be one of the most feared men in Japan but you look like a kid! I mean no wonder lying about your age was so easy. I thought you looked a bit old for eighteen to tell you the truth!" Joked Kaoru seeing how far she could wind him up. Kenshin's face turned as scarlet as his hair and he crossed his arms glaring at Kaoru fiercely as thought trying to prove that he could live up to his reputation. The amber eyes would once have chilled Kaoru to the core but she couldn't stop howling with laughter.

"What's so funny?" Asked Kenshin hotly.

"You have some sauce around your mouth. You look hilarious...I can't believe I was ever afraid of someone like you!" Declared Kaoru pointing to the drop of sauce around Kenshin's mouth. He promptly wiped it away and then began join in with her laughter.

"Well Kaoru-dono, if your cooking could become as harmless as my appearance then-"

"WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT MY COOKING!" Roared Kaoru punching Kenshin.

"Ororo...nothing Kaoru-dono..."

"A wall?"

Kaoru rubbed her eyes and suppressed a yawn. Around her the normally busy streets of Kyoto where completely silent, the sky above them was still a deep inky blue colour with a few scatterings of diamond like stars. However a faint pink tinge could be seen along the horizon spreading and mixing with colours of bright indigo and fiery orange. It was about half past four in the morning and it was just before sunrise. Everything was still and there was hardly a breeze as two shivering figures stood outside the cemetery gates.

Through hazes of sleepy fog, Kaoru looked up and down the wall and sighed tiredly. There was no way she would be able jump the wall and no way she would be able to open the tall black iron gates. Through the bars she could see small stone graves manumitting the dearly departed. Looking upon them now, she felt slightly sick trying not to think of if her family were currently looking at similar models for her own empty grave. Tugging her jacket she gazed around them. The houses were shut and no light came from any of them. It was odd being about so late...everything was so empty. Next to her Kenshin seemed take in their latest hazard.

Thankfully due to their lateness it was unlikely anyone would be out late enough to recognise them. Apparently the Ishin Shishi spy network had managed to block Shishio's radar of the security camera's near the grave yard while other spies in the area had sent back a report stating the perimeter was deserted and unwatched. Their disguises, were therefore much less then what they were normally. Kaoru had tied her hair back with her ribbon but was wearing a pair of glasses to hide her facial features. Kenshin had covered up his scar and his hair had been dyed black but apparent from hat he looked normal. Still, Kaoru had to admit there was a sort of buzz from doing this sort of thing. Adrenaline was pounding through her mixed with excitement and fear. It was probably the only thing stopping her from falling asleep on her feet.

"How are we going to get through? I mean there's no way I could ever jump that," Said Kaoru truthfully staring the ten foot high bright wall up and down. She glanced at Kenshin curiously, maybe he would be able to jump it? She watched him, dressed in a black jumper and a long jacket he looked very much like an agent from a spy movie. Especially with the black hair.

"Hmm...well I guess I could jump over and let you in through the gate Kaoru-dono," Suggested Kenshin.

"Don't be stupid. There's no way you could jump that high! I mean your only..."

Kenshin smiled and Kaoru felt her jaw drop as he jumped. The Hitokiri seemed to defy gravity as he landed on top of the wall. He stared down at Kaoru and seemed to grin in amusement. Then he vanished and reappeared a moment later at the tall Iron Gate. Kaoru felt her stomach flip...he had managed it so easily. How could he do that...she couldn't help but feel awed at his display of talent but she would rather crucify herself than let Kenshin know she was impressed. The last thing he needed was an ego.

"The gate is open de-gozaru," Said Kenshin as the gates sprung open. Kaoru nodded vaguely still staring at the spot where he had jumped numbly. After a moment she shook herself and tried to focus on the entire point of the operation. She walked in beside Kenshin and gulped nervously. Sneaking into a graveyard at night was not something she'd even pictured herself doing. It was like a scene from a horror movie but she couldn't help but peer at each grave curiously seeing the writing on them. Some had lived long lives, one grave had one hundred and two written on it. Yet others Kaoru noticed were much less. The graves that chilled her the most where the ones of children...little children such as a little boy aged three. Kaoru felt her heart skip beats...she didn't like reminders of death. She feared growing old, she feared dying and this place was a constant reminder of both factors.

Kenshin didn't seem to like their new scenery much either. Kaoru noticed his whole frame had gone tense and his head was bowed towards the ground. Kaoru wondered...was he as uneasy as she was? She didn't like to ask, instead she said nothing walking beside him feeling the blades of dewy glass tickle her exposed ankles. Finally after passing a few rows Kaoru recognised her mother's headstone. She moved forwards nervously feeling awkward as she approached the white marble headstone and it's familiar neat black writing.

Kamiya Katsumi

August 1967 - June 1997

Beloved Mother, Sister and Wife

Light shines brightest in the Dark

Rest In Peace

Kaoru kneeled next to the headstone unsure of what to do next. Now she was here she just felt awkward, she always felt awkward with Megumi and her father. Normally Megumi would cry a little and her father would say a few words. Yahiko and Kaoru just stood on the sidelines like outsiders looking in. The grief Kaoru felt was different , it wasn't like her big sisters, and in many ways it was one of the things that connected her to Yahiko. A slight breeze played with her hair and she sighed deeply laying down the four items. A bunch of flowers would look a little too suspicious so Kaoru had minimised them to four. It was a strange sort of tradition in her family. Roses had been her mothers favourite plant...inhaling there scent Kaoru could smell their sweet perfume mixed with the damp earth just like that day over a month ago in the rain.

"Okaa-san, I don't know what to say..."

"Many times over the past few months I have thought of you, the way you died and how you must have felt. I would wonder what you would think of me now kneeling here alone in the early hours of the morning with a hitokiri by my side. Would you be angry? Worried? There's so much I'm confused about, I only wish you could have been here to make things clearer..."

"The smell...of damp earth and roses...it always reminds me of her," Said Kaoru quietly laying down the four single roses. A red rose, a pink rose, a yellow rose and a white rose. Kaoru smiled slightly thinking of the small tradition. She looked up as Kenshin kneeled down next to her and bowed respectfully. Kaoru smiled slightly at the gesture before continuing, "On the first anniversary of her death, Otou-san, Megumi, Yahiko, Misao and I visited here. Otou-san brought roses because they were her favourite flower. He asked each of us to pick a small bunch each. Megumi chose red roses, Misao chose pink, Yahiko chose yellow and I chose white...ever since then that's what we've always brought."

Kaoru shifted her glance sideways towards the graves next to her mothers, that of her Aunt and Uncle. It seemed sad that they got nothing. Of course later on today no doubt the whole family would visit and the graves would be covered with flowers. Until then though, Kaoru stood up picking up the yellow rose and the pink rose moving towards the graves bearing their names.

Makimachi Keiko

August 1967 - March 1998

Beloved Mother, Sister and wife

The most wasted of all days is one without Laughter

Rest In Peace

Her Aunt. Kaoru could remember slightly more about her Aunty Keiko simply because Keiko had been around longer. Even so her memories were still blurred...after her mother's death Keiko had stopped laughing so much. It was as if something inside her had died. Twins, Kaoru almost envied such a bond. From what she knew Keiko and Katsumi had been inseparable all the way through their youth and adult life. Both had fallen pregnant young, both had supported each other as much as possible. Next to Keiko's grave was that of her Uncle, Makimachi Hiroki. Misao's father, a man who had always managed to laugh. At her Uncles she laid the yellow rose and at her Aunts, the pink one. Once she was done she kneeled backwards slightly so she could see all three graves.

It was sort of beautiful and tragic. At least in death her mother and Aunt could be reunited with one another and be whole again. At least they were not alone, Kaoru felt a lump rise in her throat. In the past two months she had envisioned her own grave next to her mothers. A marble stone with it's own writing, the mannerism of her death ironic. First at the hands of Battousai, second to Gohei...Kaoru could now imagine quite fully the amount of fear her mother must have experienced. It was strange how the two were bonded by fear. Kaoru ironically felt closer to her mother than she had done the year previous.

"I-It's...strange being here...I almost envy their bond but I feel so sad. It's strange I was almost grateful that I did not have to feel the pain Megumi felt because I knew had I been her I would not have been able to survive it. Seeing such pain made me feel scared and afraid...I was terrified of loosing people encase I had to feel that pain...it's so selfish...but I cannot stand loosing people, and I cannot stand being alone either," Said Kaoru faintly as the wind continued to play with her hair. Overhead orange light was beginning to seep slowly into the graveyard.

"I remember...the day she died, I remember that day so clearly now..."

"Yahiko-chan! Please just eat the food!"

Kamiya Katsumi felt the will to live drain out of her system as she sat her infant son down at the table picking up a spoon of the miso soup she had made. It was not too hot, but still the little boy strongly objected to it. His face screwed up and tears flooded out of his brown eyes. Katsumi felt like banging her head off the table, this was Koshijiro's doing. Katsumi had never been a fussy eater, the genetics must have came from his side of the family. 'In which case, he should be the one sitting here! Not me!'

Finally the little boy accepted a mouthful and slowly began to eat it. Katsumi felt the relief flood through her as she picked up the two year old. It was half past two, which meant it was naptime. She smiled and cooed slightly ruffling the strands of short dark hair that were beginning to grow. He laughed happily as she carried him up the stairs towards his bedtime. Her son was a terror for feeding but he slept like an angel. Kaoru had been notorious for refusing to sleep alone...even now the seven year old would still creep through to her and Koshijiro's room because of her nightmares although often enough it was Megumi who the little girl went to. Pushing open the door Katsumi was greeted with dark blue walls and bright yellow curtains. Some shelves were lined with colourful storybooks while a large stuffed monkey was on the bed.

"Right, time for bed squirt," Said Katsumi tucking her son into his bed. The quilt was decorated with racing cars and she tucked it up to his chin. Yahiko grunted slightly but after about two minutes he was dead to the world. Good, half past two naptime until four o'clock. Katsumi watched him sleep for a few moments and smiled kissing him on the forehead before shutting the bedroom door behind her. Out in the hall chaos was unleashed in the form of Megumi and Kaoru.

"Give me it back! It's mine! Mine!" Wailed Kaoru her face frowning and tears of temper fell down her cheeks, her shoulder length black hair was pulled into a short ponytail and she was wearing her usual blue dress with pink tights. Towering over her an eleven-year-old Megumi rolled her eyes. Dressed in her short lime coloured dress Megumi's hair was up in a small bun and she was holding in her hands a small red hair band.

"It's mine Kaoru, stop acting like a spoilt brat," Scolded Megumi.

"Right, the pair of you quieten down. Yahiko-chan is napping which means you should not raise your voices," Said Katsumi firmly walking up to both of her daughters. She snatched the hair band out of Megumi's hands, "None of you are getting this. Downstairs...now!" Commanded Katsumi. Kaoru looked for a moment like she was going to disobey but she stopped short at her mothers expression. Both of them trouped down the stairs and Katsumi smirked slightly following them into the sitting room. Keiko was due over at four o'clock for dinner and she was bringing Misao with her. Hopefully that would keep Kaoru happy. 'Which reminds me, I'd better get some more butter and cheese in, we're nearly out,' Katsumi made a mental note to do so as she sat down on the sofa.

"Instead of bickering, how about we watch a video?" Suggested Katsumi. Kaoru perked up brightly.

"Lion King! Lion King!" Shouted the seven year old enthusiastically.

"No, Beauty and the Beast!" Protested Megumi. Katsumi rolled her eyes tiredly. Even a simple thing like choosing a video to watch was turning into some sort of warfare.

"No, since the two of you can't agree I get to choose and I choose Sleeping Beauty. Megumi-chan will you do the honours?" Asked Katsumi. Megumi nodded obediently and sprang off the couch towards the video cupboard. Katsumi sighed as Kaoru sat down next to her cuddling her small body up against her mothers. Katsumi affectionately ruffled her daughter's hair and smiled contently. This was what Sunday afternoons were for. Every Sunday the three of them would watch a film while Yahiko napped...Katsumi treasured such peaceful moments. Recently the majority of her life was spent worrying about her sister and the dangers she was in. To simply sit and relax with her two older children was bliss. Soon Megumi was on her left side resting her head on her mothers shoulder.

Sleeping Beauty, the whole film had bewitched her since a young age. The three fairies would always make her laugh and she always wished she could have golden locks like Princess Aurora. Of course as she grew older the movie lost some of it's magic as she witnessed life and it's harsh realities...still deep inside the young woman a little girl would always live and Katsumi's inner child would always crave Sleeping Beauty and the kingdom of fairies and magic. The young mother yawned...last night had been another late one. She couldn't sleep for thinking of Keiko again who was out on another mission. She hoped the rumours about the Okashira being ill were just rumours. She didn't want her family being put in even more danger.

Before she realised it, she was opening her eyes again only this time the credits were playing. Katsumi jerked up in surprise to see Megumi looking at her. Katsumi smiled, yawning and stretching to see the time. On the mantle piece the clock displaying the time to be quarter to four. Initial panic seized Katsumi, only fifteen minutes and she still needed to go do the shopping! She sat bolt upright and stood up gently placing the still sleeping Kaoru's head on one of the cushions. She glanced at Megumi and then at the clock...fifteen minutes...could Megumi be trusted to look after Kaoru for that long? The guard gate was locked at the top of the stairs and Yahiko was probably still sleeping...

"Megumi-chan, could you please look after Yahiko and Kaoru? I'm just nipping to the shops, Aunty Keiko should be here at four o'clock. Whatever you do don't unlock the stair guard. Don't answer the phone, don't go outside and don't upset your sister. Can I trust you to do that for your Okaa-san?" Asked Katsumi staring imploringly at the young pre-teen. Megumi nodded picking up the remote control, which seemed to have dropped on to the floor.

"Hai, Okaa-san," Megumi smiled and Katsumi gave her a quick hug and Kaoru a quick kiss on the cheek before she rushed into the hall. She picked up her coat, which was laying on the banister and flung on the brown trench coat. Outside it was murky and humid but also very wet. The streets were drizzled with rain and the skys were a bleak grey as Katsumi made her way down the street on the familiar road towards the corner shop. On reflection maybe she should have taken an umbrella. Her hair was getting wet and damp. 'As quick as possible, no dawdling. Butter, milk, cheese, wine and some yoghurts for Megumi's pack lunchbox.' Katsumi told herself sternly. Once she'd arrived at her destination she found the small shop quite deserted. Picking up a basket she wandered down the isle purchasing the objects of choice. She halted briefly on the bread isle staring at the birthday cakes.

'It's barely a month until Kaoru-chan's eight birthday...I wonder which one she would like,' Thought Katsumi smiling as she glanced at the pink icing decorating one cake. Maybe she should get one ordered from the bakery this year. Last year it had been a specially made Lion King one, this year perhaps Katsumi could order a different sort. A small pang of sadness echoed through her. Eight years old...where exactly had the time gone? The precious days she'd let slide by. 'Next thing I know, I'll be dropping her off at University or meeting her first boyfriend..' Katsumi giggled. No she'd have to do all those things for Megumi first. In fact Koshijiro would probably have to chase them off with a bokken. Her oldest daughter was quite the looker and in a few years Katsumi could picture her as a young woman.

'Besides Kaoru would need someone who would run around after her constantly...either that or someone who could match her temper...' Thought Katsumi turning away. It was then she almost collided with a young boy.

"Gomen nasai," Apologized Katsumi. The boy looked barely Megumi's age but he stood there speechless.

"Didn't you hear the lady? You clumsy baka, it's only polite to apologize." Came a loud thundering voice. Katsumi found herself looking at the tallest man she'd ever met. How he could be related to the small scrawny boy was beyond her understanding.

"G-Gomen m'am," Said the boy bowing. Katsumi nodded and watched as the boy darted out of sight followed by his tall mentor. 'Red hair? How odd...' Katsumi didn't dwell on the matter. The sky was getting darker outside. She'd have to get home quite soon. The last thing she needed was for her twin to tease her about her organisation skills. Katsumi paid for the goods, which were divided, into two bags. Then feeling fairly happy she left the shop out into the rain cutting down one of the back alleys to save time. Her thoughts lingered. Would Kaoru want a party this year? Maybe they could invite some of her friends from school or maybe Katsumi and Keiko could take the children to the theme park. Kaoru would like that...she was always wanting to go on those swings and the water slide.

Kamiya Katsumi was so preoccupied with her plans that she didn't even realise what she'd stumbled into. The last thing her eyes saw was blood gushing everywhere and a young teenager. So young...only eighteen. He looked up at her with terror in his eyes. Somebody behind him was shouting orders...terror began to seize the young mother but before fear and realisation could grasp her she heard a swish of steel. A flash of agonising pain. The shopping bags went tumbling from her hands and she fell backwards in a graceful arc, blood gushed from her body like ribbons through the air while her eyes were wide open in surprise.

Her last thought -

'Would Kaoru be all right with the roller coasters?"

It ended there.

"She never came home that night. Aunty Keiko came round...we waited for her to come in with the shopping. Instead we got the police at the door. My Aunt broke down crying...Megumi howled...and I kept asking what was wrong. I wanted to know why everyone was upset...I didn't find out until Otou-san, Uncle Hiroki and Okina-san came. Otou-san wouldn't speak...he just sat there shaking. Uncle Hiroki was trying to calm down Aunty Keiko...Okina-san took me into the kitchen...and I was told Okaa-san wouldn't be coming home. Okaa-san had gone with the angels..." Said Kaoru thinking back on that terrible day.

"Kaoru-dono..." Said Kenshin sadly. Kaoru shook her head staring at each grave. The sun was rising much faster now. It was so bright it highlighted the red tinges in Kenshin's dyed hair and it shone through the foundation so the cross shaped scar was almost visible. Kaoru could feel something hollow inside her...it felt like a light had been switched out. She wished she could cry but no tears would come.

"A-Apparently...it was some Hitokiri rebel...Hitokiri Matsu," Said Kaoru recalling the name as she stood up. Kenshin beside her did likewise and Kaoru stared at the three graves illuminated by the sunlight causing the neat writing to almost glow. She felt exhausted now. A full night depraved of sleep of any type. Not that sleep was a good thing, being here at her mothers grave Kaoru couldn't help but wish that in her dream her mother had said something a little more reassuring. "Okaa-san, I'm going now. Megumi and everyone else will be here soon. I'm not even sure if you can hear me...I wonder if you would like Kenshin. I think you would...despite what he is, I'm going to try and save him. For you, so he doesn't go and hurt somebody else...I love you...goodbye Okaa-san," Kaoru turned and walked away feeling something hot fill her eyes. She couldn't cry...not here.

Around them as they walked Kaoru's eyes flickered towards the graves. Most of them were for old people but the ones that were for young people were frightening. A few rows along from her mother she spotted the grave of another toddler and next to it was the grave of a nineteen-year-old teenager. Kenshin tensed slightly and Kaoru faced him and instinctively clutched his free hand. For a moment she thought he would shake her away but instead he tightened the grip almost as if he was afraid she'd runaway. Kaoru, despite everything, couldn't help but feel slightly happy at this gesture. Especially when he didn't let go...his hand was nice and warm.

She didn't notice the name on the grave. The name Yukishiro Tomoe.

The journey back to the house was a blur. She had a strange feeling she had fallen asleep in the car again. Once they arrived back, the sun had risen and a few cars were out and about. It was probably about half past six. Kaoru slid off her shoes as she entered the hall and then proceeded into the living room collapsing on one of the sofas. She could feel tears pour down her cheeks. She was so tired though...and so sad. It wasn't like the type of sadness Megumi would have experienced...she just felt odd and empty inside. In fact she felt sort of silly for sitting there crying, she hadn't cried last year...but the thought of her mother...after experiencing on some level what she went through. What surprised Kaoru even more was when Kenshin sat down next to her.

She sank her head into his shoulders and she felt something warm hold her hand. No words were spoken at that moment...Kaoru could almost hear the steady beat of his heart as she lifted her feet curling up like a cat. She shut her eyes just enjoying the bittersweet moment the two of them could share. When she opened her eyes Kenshin had his shut...he was asleep...Kaoru watched him for a moment before shutting her own eyes letting sleep overcome her.

"Arigatou Kenshin..."

"She told you then..."

"Hai."

Kenshin stood once again in his employer's office. It was past dinnertime...he'd laid asleep for hours before waking up. The visit to the graveyard had not been a pleasant one but he'd somehow managed it. Walking past her grave was hard...he almost felt like stopping and going to lay flowers but what right did he have? None...and he had no flowers. Beyond Tomoe's grave the identity of Kaoru's mothers killer had been revealed and Kenshin felt sick. He felt both furious and ashamed. Not that he displayed any of these emotions openly. Katsura sat staring at Kenshin sorrowfully.

"You knew...from the moment I said her name..." Said Kenshin bitterly trying to contemplate the idea. At least it made sense why Katsura had wanted to keep her safe. Why he had went through such lengths...did he hope to somehow redeem himself? Did he pray that if he kept her daughter safe that he would be forgiven? Kenshin was angry...angry at being kept in the dark and angry on Kaoru's behalf. He was also...sickened because he could understand.

Katsura nodded.

"Hai...now you know why. It is my deepest regret...the only civilian I ever harmed...and then you meet her daughter ten years later. I was eighteen and a fool and I doubt I'll ever be forgiven for the sin I committed that day. Judge me if you will Himura-san," Said Katsura wearily. Kenshin shook his head, it wasn't his place to deal out that sort of judgement. He didn't know what to do now with the new bit of information.

"It's not my place, I shouldn't be me who should absolve you of your sins Katsura-sama," Said Kenshin darkly. He turned around wishing to leave the office. How could he ever face Kaoru...he was working for her mothers murderer. What should he do.

"Will you tell her?" Called out Katsura.

Kenshin turned around his amber eyes cold.

"No. Kaoru-dono has suffered enough," With that he left the office. The knowledge of Katsumi's killed was a heavy burden. He should tell Kaoru...but if he did what would she do? Runaway? It would eat her up inside. Kenshin knew sooner or later she would probably leave and if she did she would be in danger. Kenshin would keep her safe, he wouldn't risk her safety and she was probably happier not knowing. 'More lies...more secrets...'

It was strange. Kenshin knew Kaoru was keeping something from him. A secret and know he was going to have to keep secrets from her. The promise they had made he had already broke. Would he be forced to keep secrets from her forever? Or would he perhaps one day be free to tell her the truth. He wished he could right now...he had an uneasy feeling something dark was looming ahead. It was oddly like the calm before the storm.

Little did he know that back at the house Kaoru had just disposed of another black envelope.

At that moment elsewhere another figure walked through the graveyard carrying a bunch of red roses. The grief she felt deep within her could not be forgotten. The past two months had been nothing but misery and she blamed herself. If she hadn't have left the room that night...then her little sister would be safe. She felt tears leak down her cheeks. She'd had to watch her father crash and burn sinking into the deep depression. It was so painful...but Kaoru had to be alive. She had to believe that Battousai wouldn't hurt her.

"I'm back Okaa-san..."

The figure stopped dead at the sight of the roses. A blood red rose was laying next to a snowy white one. Further on a pink and orange rose laid at their own graves. The bunch of flowers tumbled out of Kamiya Megumi's hand and she sank to her knee's. Tears flooded down her face but she smiled fingering the white rose lovingly. This was proof...this had to be proof.

"Kaoru..."

Very angsty. Hope you enjoyed, I did update...cause I'm too soft for my own good. Anyway next chapter is happy as Kaoru is back wandering Aizu...but she spots Megumi. Will she reveal herself to her sister? And she had an admirer (think stalking art obsesser in Kenshin episode 78 or somewhere around there. I'm going now because I'm supposed to be doing my history homework.

Bluemoon Out! xx