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Júntos
Anderson briefs them on Earth's status. None of the news is good. Not that James expected any of it to be. His optimism flickers though. No way in hell is he giving up. He made a promise to Shepard and it's not one he intends to break. They're gonna find a way out of this shit. They have to.
They eventually land at the command base that's been holding on by a string and step out of the shuttle.
The sounds of war are muffled here. It makes him uneasy. And there's almost no one around. He expected it to be flooded with Hammer by now. He expresses this once he, Garrus and Shepard are alone.
Shepard breaks away from them and comes to stand on the outcrop, overlooking the rubble.
"A lot of them won't be making it," she murmurs. And they all know it's true.
Garrus bows his head a bit. James stares at the back of Shepard's.
"You two go on ahead. I'll catch up," she says next.
Garrus nods and moves to leave. James hesitates as she turns her gaze over her shoulder at him. He holds her eyes for a minute, questioning. She nods. I'm fine.
Reluctantly, he leaves her. He makes his way through the virtually empty base. Talks to a few soldiers readying weapons. They're scared. He doesn't blame them. But he doesn't have any words to comfort them. He tells them to stay sharp, to stay pissed, but they're all so tired words don't mean a goddamn thing anymore. They speak in gunfire and flames and the last, wavering breaths of the friends they've already lost.
He leaves them and tries to find a communication board while he waits for Shepard. No doubt she's making her rounds too. As much as she hates being called a hero, she's not stupid. She knows the kind of influence her presence has here. Her words can inspire.
A soldier directs him to the building where the connector is and he makes his way to it. His footfalls go in time with far off gunshots. He turns his head over his shoulder and looks at the black sky, light up with orange bursts of light from the battle raging on in space. A cloud of smoke fills the horizon on land. The Reaper's shilouettes create sharp, horrific patterns against the remains of London's buildings.
"Lieutenant."
A familiar voice turns him around. Kaidan's dark eyes address him in a reserved manner. James sighs, actually relieved to see him here.
"Major," he says and sticks out his hand.
They shake firmly. He's glad they cleared the air, too. Kaidan was right. They couldn't go into this thing without trusting one another. He would have hated to ride into hell and know someone hated his guts right behind him.
"Hard to see it like this," Kaidan murmurs when they break hands. He looks out over the horizon.
"Damn hard," James agrees, "I barely recognize it."
Silence lulls. It's not tense, more weary than anything. James searches the other man's face. Kaidan's fight isn't burned out, but he has a resolved look to him that unnerves James. Like he's ready to die. As if he's already accepted it.
"Guess I'll see you on the other side at the end of this," James emphasizes and then smirks, "I'll buy the first round."
Kaidan smiles a little. His head bows in a quick nod.
"It's been an honor, Liuetenant."
A dark feeling settles in James's stomach. Fuck -he wishes they hadn't been such jack asses to each other. Suddenly he feels as though there's a lot of time to make up between them. Kaidan's face seems to say there's none left. He might be right. And that terrifies him.
"Same," he says with a curt nod.
Kaidan turns.
"I should get back to my squad."
"Yeah."
James gives him another nod, this one more uncomfortable and stacatto. They part, -friends that could have been.
"Hey –Liuetentant," Kaidan calls just as James is about to head into the building.
He turns.
"Good luck out there," the Major smiles a bit.
James grins.
"You too, Blue."
It comes out all of a sudden, without him even really registering it.
"Blue?" Kaidan laughs.
James shrugs.
"Yeah, your biotics are always makin' you glow blue, y'know?"
Kaidan shakes his head a little, smiling.
"See you around, Liuetenant."
By the tone of his voice, James is pretty sure he approves.
James waves at him and then enters the building. It's cool. The windows are blown out, as are most of the walls. He comes forward and the man at the control panel looks up and nods at him.
"Who can I connect you to?"
"Steve Cortez."
A few buttons later, Steve materializes in front of him in a blue hologram. James grins at him, wishing it wasn't just a hologram so he could slap him on the shoulder or pull him into a bear hug or something.
"Glad to see you made it out in one piece, Esteban," he says.
His friend rubs the back of his head.
"Sorry about that, got pretty dicey out there."
"You're tellin' me."
Steve's face, even through the blue hologram squares, looks sad.
"How are they doing down there?"he asks.
James shrugs.
"Not great, hombre. There's not a lot of them here. They're tired, too."
"And Shepard?"
James swallows. He sends a quick look over at the man at the control panels. He doesn't seem to be listening actively, or if he is he's pretending not to. James looks back up at Esteban.
"She's tough as hell, makin' her rounds right now."
Silence falls over them too. But of course, it's never really silence. There's always the backdrop of thunderous explosions and that tinge in the air of human suffering. His skin crawls.
"Are you ready?" Esteban finally asks.
James nods.
"Yeah. Hell yeah."
"Good answer," his friend smiles a little.
James tries to look as brave as his voice makes him sound.
"We'll get it done, Esteban."
"I know you will."
James goes to step away. They both have things to do. And he doesn't want this to be a goodbye. But then, why contact Steve at all? His actions contradict his heart. He doesn't want this to be goodbye and yet he called him for closure. If he's not going to make it out of this alive, he couldn't bear the thought of not talking to him. But he will make it out alive. He has to.
He promised. Right?
"All right. Talk to you later, amigo," James murmurs.
"Come back alive, James."
Steve fades out and the man at the control panel looks up at him.
"Can I connect you to someone else?"
"No -thanks."
He makes his way back out of the building. Kaidan is gone. Most everyone has cleared out. And there's still no sign of Shepard. He finds himself at a row of soldiers by a tank. They salute him and he salutes back.
He talks to them for a while. Tries to instill some inspiration, some hope. He tries to give them some kind of sign that there's still fight left in this damn army and that they're the future. But he's never been particularly good with words. His fall short. They listen, but nothing sinks in.
It's almost a relief when Shepard appears at his arm. He turns away from the soldiers and walks a few steps away for privacy.
"Hey, Commander," he says.
Her cheeks are smudged with dust and the ruin of London. But her eyes burn in the matte finish of her dark skin. They smirk at him, curling a little bit in the corners.
"What, not Lola?" she whispers.
He reaches up and cups the bottom of her jaw tenderly.
"Fine. Hey, Lola."
"That's better."
He strokes his thumb along her jaw bone before releasing her. He turns and looks out over the war torn horizon again.
"You okay?" she asks.
Kind of funny that she's the one asking that question. He's not the one who has the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders. But that's always been Shepard. Looking out for everyone else but herself. He still cant get over just how wrong he was to think she was selfish for leaving Earth that first day. Blows his mind.
"I dont know what I thought I'd feel coming back to Earth. I was ready to fight. Ready to die if I had to," he says, "But seeing everything like this..."
His voice trails off. His blood hardens in his veins.
Shepard nods and sends her gaze over his shoulder.
"I know it's hard to see it like this, but it's only temporary."
It can be rebuilt. He remembers her saying that about Thessia. The task seems so insourmountable. Easy to say, not so easy to picture.
"First we have to win this thing –stay focused, don't let them take your will to fight," she whispers.
"I know, I know," he says, "You're right."
He turns back to her. God, she is so beautiful. Her beauty is raw and it tears right through him. Her full lips and the smooth plane of her cheeks –those goddamn eyes of hers. This isn't goodbye. This can't be goodbye.
"So this is it," he offers, "One last push, one last fight."
She smiles a little and loops an arm around herself.
"Not necessarily our last."
He wants to smile, but he can't. He takes her hand.
"Shepard."
Her eyes search him expectantly. But he finds after he says her name, he can't find any more words.
"I…"
She surprises him by leaning forward and kissing him passionately. Her sweet mouth drives him wild. The noise of battle fades out for just an instant. The soldiers by the tank start to cheer and holler at them. He murmurs a laugh against her mouth. When they break away she's smiling. He gives the finger to the row of soldiers and they laugh harder.
"I thought you said no goodbye speeches," she murmurs close to his ear.
"This isn't goodbye," he defends himself a little breathlessly.
She kisses him again and they communicate through the only language that has ever really suited them. Her kiss says, I love you. He grabs a hold of her waist and brings her closer, answering hher back.
I love you too. More than anything.
When they break apart again she takes a soft breath and looks up at him with glittering, luminescent eyes.
"Ready?" she breathes.
"Born ready –let's do this," he nods.
She nods and her fingers trail down his arm and then drift away as she turns to go. He reaches for her on instinct and pulls her back gently.
"Together," he says, "From beginning to end, remember?"
She nods at him, but her gaze looks past him.
"Together."
That's all the time they're given. They meet Anderson in a holed out room for a debriefing after that and things start to move as if in fast-forward. James struggles to keep up with it all. He zeroes on on Anderson's steady voice.
"They know we're coming. This will be a one-way trip for many of us. But there can be no retreat, no stepping back."
James inhales a sharp breath. He stands behind Shepard with the rest of the Normandy crew.
"Move forward at all costs, understood?" Anderson says in finality.
The room erupts into a heated report. Soldiers yell and pump fists in the air. James joins them. Up ahead, Shepard salutes Anderson. Then the room starts to empty. The first squad clears out and the others disperse. Anderson and Shepard talk privately for a moment and then he leaves her –and she returns to them.
They stand in a half circle with her at the head. Her crew. Her friends. Her comrades. He and Scars stand shoulder to shoulder. They're the ones who are going in with her into no man's land. It feels too close, too real. His skin is hot. He's burning under his armor as Shepard steps forward to address them.
"This war's brought us pain and suffering and loss," she begins.
Her eyes pass around the group.
"But it's also brought us together –as soldiers, allies and friends."
Liara and Tali stand side by side next to him. He watches Liara's shoulders rise with a deep breath.
"This bond that ties us together is something the Reapers will never understand."
He meets Shepard's blazing azul gaze.
"It's more powerful than any weapon, stronger than any ship. It can't be taken or destroyed."
For a moment, he feels like she's only talking to him.
He remembers things they've shared. The stars in her skylight, their dancing steps over the abaonded balcony on the Citadel, her husky notes of laughter, her smooth dark skin, quiet nights in her cabin, meeting eyes across the room, through crowds, even in the field.
He remembers all the instances before he knew loved her. How many times he ogled her in her armor. How his palms got sweaty when she was around, how he stumbled over his words, how he could never find the right thing to say.
And now here they are. Miles away from his schoolboy crush. Miles away from anything safe or familiar.
"The next fewhours will decide the fate of everyone in the galaxy," she starts to pace in front of them, "Every mother. Every son. Every unborn child."
He doesn't miss the way Tali turns her head and exchanges a look with Garrus right then.
"They're trusting you, depending on you to win them their future."
Shepard stops.
"A future free from the Reapers."
The phrase rings in the small space. It's buoyant and hopeful. It rises between them all. He tries to hold onto the image. A future he and Shepard can grow old in together. Hell, maybe even where their kids can grow old.
"But take heart. Look around you, you're not in this fight alone."
The crew looks around. He meets eyes with Kaidan. They pass a nod between them.
Shepard unfolds her arms and passes her gaze to each of them. When she lands on James, he holds her eyes for a moment. They curl in the corners a little.
"We face our enemy together, and together -we will defeat them."