A/N: Well, well, well, now we finally find out why Maggie never had a younger sibling. Warning for possible feels. I think this was kinda born from all the on and off sadness, depression, and anxiety I've been feeling for the past few days. Yikes. :0
At the end, there's also a mention of the possible termination of a pregnancy. I won't say anything more so I don't spoil it, but it's left as an unanswered question that I decided would be up to you readers to decide on what you personally believe should be the case. I'm again feeling 'eh' in terms of whether or not I like this one, because I think some peeps might be OOC in here. Oh well.
Thanks for all the faves, follows, and reviews, guys! I haven't been paying as much attention to the stats and such lately because I've been kinda busy, but I can't believe we're almost at 100 followers and reviews, and over 43,000 views! Wowza! :D
I ALSO JUST THOUGHT I'D LET EVERYONE KNOW I GOT MY HANDS ON THE BLACK WIDOW JACKET FROM AND IT IS SO GREAT AND I KEEP WEARING IT EVEN THOUGH IT'S LIKE 90 DEGREES OUTSIDE AND IT HAS GREATLY IMPROVED MY LIFE YES AHHHH
"Uncle Tony?"
Tony, sitting on the couch, looked up at the sound of his name. "What's up, squirt?"
"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Maggie asked innocently, her blue eyes staring at him intently as she stood in front of him.
"Um, no, I don't. I'm an only child, just like you." Tony answered, a bit caught off guard with the question.
"Oh." Maggie said with an expression Tony couldn't quite read. Disappointment? Indifference? Curiosity? He wasn't sure.
"Why do you ask?" He decided to try and find out what was going through her five year old brain.
"Some of the people in my class at school have brothers and sisters." Maggie answered thoughtfully, with a hint of enthusiasm. "I want a little brother or sister, too!"
Tony instantly regretted asking his question, and thus having to be the one to deal with the reasoning behind it. He honestly had no idea if Natasha and Steve ever intended to increase their small family of three, so he didn't know how to give Maggie a desirable answer.
He blew out a cautious breath. "Well, munchkin, maybe that's something you should talk to your mom and dad about." He suggested awkwardly.
"Do you think if I ask nicely enough, I can have a little brother or sister?" Maggie asked, her voice once again full of the childhood innocence that Tony always wanted to protect. "I want someone to play with!"
"What, are you getting tired of playing with me and your Uncle Clint and your parents already?" Tony teased, poking her in the side.
"No, Uncle Tony, you're silly!" She giggled happily. "I just want to play with a kid sometimes, too."
That sounded very mature and insightful for a five year old. Maggie never ceased to amaze the billionaire.
"Then you should talk to your parents about it. I'm not saying that they'll say 'yes' or automatically give you a sibling just because you asked, but if they know that you want one, maybe they'll do something about it. Worth a try." Tony really hoped he was doing this right.
"Okay!" Maggie agreed happily, and then skipped out of the room. For the first time in a long time, Tony wondered what it would be like to have another small child running around.
"Mama, can I have a little sister? Or a little brother? I want one really badly!" Maggie was practically begging later that day. "Pretty please?"
"What's brought this on all of a sudden?" Natasha raised an eyebrow, curiously looking her daughter over.
"A ton of other kids in my class have… What's the word Uncle Tony said? 'Sibling'?" She furrowed her brow thoughtfully, reminding Natasha of a similar expression Steve held whenever learning about the new technology and culture of the 21st century.
"Yeah, Лапушка, 'sibling' is the right word." Natasha confirmed, amused.
"Well, a lot of my friends have siblings. At first I wanted an older one, too, but Aunt Pepper said since I'm already the oldest, I can't have an older sibling. So, I want a younger sibling!" Maggie explained cheerfully.
Both Tony and Pepper have been consulted on this? She must be serious, then. Natasha observed. To be honest, she and Steve hadn't thought too much about having another child. They were already pretty preoccupied with taking care of their unplanned, but fully appreciated and happily accepted Maggie. Though, Natasha realized, now that Maggie was in school, they might have some more time to themselves and be able to take care of a second child. This could actually work out.
"So, can I have a younger sibling, Mama?" Maggie asked innocently and politely a few seconds later.
"I'll talk to Daddy about it." Natasha decided to answer, not wanting to get Maggie's hopes up if things didn't work out. After all, in Maggie's case, the word "unplanned" took on more of a "miraculous" meaning, as Natasha had been told long ago that she wouldn't be able to ever conceive a child. Maggie had managed to defy the odds, but she wasn't sure what the chances of it happening a second time were. Perhaps she actually could conceive like a normal woman now.
"Hooray! Thank you, Mama! I promise to be the best big sister ever!" Maggie swore and hugged her mother tightly, causing the spy to take a surprised step backwards from the impact. Natasha laughed lightly and wrapped her arms around Maggie, silently excited at the now plausible concept of being able to hug two of her own children at once.
"So, how's 'Operation: Baby Spider Numero Dos' going?" Tony asked the couple one morning a few months later.
Steve immediately flushed. "Tony, I think that's a private matter between Natasha and I." He answered awkwardly.
Tony rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean it like that, Capsicle! Geez! I just wanted to know if you're really gonna have another one. I noticed that our resident spy hasn't drunk any alcohol in a while."
Natasha looked at him curiously. "Since when have you been keeping tabs on my alcohol consumption?"
"Since always!" Tony insisted. "So…?"
"We've been trying." Natasha answered truthfully. "We haven't told Maggie, though, since we don't want to get her hopes up and then disappoint her. So, you better keep your mouth shut." She warned him.
"I will, I will!" Tony assured her. "I know when to not blurt things out."
"Really?" Steve asked in disbelief.
"Ha, ha, very funny, Capsicle." Tony sneered, taking a sip of his coffee.
"And what about you, Tony? Are you and Pepper going to ever have a little one of your own?" Natasha teased, causing the billionaire to choke on his coffee. She smirked, as that was the reaction she had been hoping for.
"Um, no." Tony answered simply after he recovered from his brief choking spell. "I'm not exactly the fatherly type."
"That's not entirely true. I have to admit, you're pretty great with Maggie." Steve argued.
"Not really in a 'fatherly' way, though. Pepper and I are both so busy all the time, too. It wouldn't really work out. Besides, we both enjoy focusing our free time on Maggie, and I'm sure we'll love spending time with any future nieces or nephews as well." Tony shrugged.
"Wow, for once, something that came out of your mouth actually sounded nice and pleasant." Natasha said smugly.
"Thanks, Natalie."
"My name is not Natalie."
"I know." He paused. "Natalie."
Luckily, he had set his coffee down on the table before falling back onto the couch due to a pillow being chucked at him.
"Soooo?"
"'Soooo'?" Steve echoed, amused.
"Soooo," Maggie beamed, "am I gonna have a little sister or brother?!"
Even after all these months, she was still determined to acquire a younger sibling. Tony had immediately decided it was because she wanted a new partner in crime while wreaking havoc in the tower, and Clint agreed with him. Steve chuckled at the memory, picking Maggie up and setting her on his lap. They were currently sitting at home, waiting for Natasha to return from a mission.
"We don't know yet. You have to be patient." Steve said softly. "But, hopefully, you'll have one someday."
"I want one now, so I have someone to play with!" The six year old pouted. "And I wanna be a big sister! Uncle Clint said I would be a really good big sister, Daddy."
"Uncle Clint is right, you would be." Steve rubbed her back gently. "We're trying, Mags. I promise."
Maggie then paused, and regarded him curiously. "Where do babies come from, anyway?"
Steve gaped at her for a few moments. "Uhh…" Come on, think, Rogers, think! "Well, you came from Mama's tummy." He said vaguely, hoping that would appease the young redhead.
"I know that, Daddy! That's what Mama said." Maggie wrinkled her nose in confusion. "But, how did I get in her tummy? Did she eat me?!"
"No, Mags, she did not eat you. Babies aren't exactly known for tasting good." Steve teased.
"So, she didn't eat me… Then how did I get in there?"
Steve opened and closed his mouth a few times, not exactly sure how to answer that part. He now found himself wishing Natasha had gone with the more traditional tale of a stork bringing Maggie to their doorstep, instead of actually being a bit accurate. Their daughter was just too curious for her own good sometimes.
Luckily, they were saved by the door opening and closing, accompanied by Natasha's, "Hey, I'm home!" That got Maggie excited, and, luckily for Steve, distracted. She quickly leaped off Steve's lap and ran out into the hallway towards the front door. "Mama!" She squealed happily.
Steve relaxed against the couch with a content sigh. Crisis averted. Natasha walked in a few moments later, holding Maggie in her arms. Though Maggie was a bit old for that now, Natasha continued to practice it every time she came home from a mission, as she knew it wouldn't be too long before it would be near impossible for her to hold her daughter like that.
"Hey." He greeted her happily, straightening up in his seat. They exchanged a quick kiss (to which Maggie commented with an exaggerated puking noise), and Natasha sat down next to him, still holding Maggie.
"Fury told me on my way out that you've got a mission soon." She informed him, settling Maggie in her lap.
"When?"
"Tomorrow night. He said it shouldn't take too long, so you'll be back by morning."
"Well, guess I better rest up then."
Natasha absentmindedly ran a hand through Maggie's long red hair. She made a mental note to schedule a haircut appointment for her within the next few weeks, and then internally laughed at how motherly and domestic she had become.
Maggie turned to face her mother. "Mama, when will I get a little brother or little sister?" She asked eagerly.
Natasha smiled softly. "Hopefully soon, Лапушка." She answered earnestly.
Looking back on that conversation in the future, Natasha regretted making such a promise.
Natasha murmured soft, comforting words in Russian as she coaxed a fearful Maggie, who was currently sandwiched between her two parents on the bed, back to sleep. It had been a few months since the Red Room agents attacked them, and, yet, Maggie still ended up back in her parents' bed most nights after being plagued by nightmares of their traumatic experience.
Natasha felt horrible about it. She knew that this was all her fault, basically, since she was the connection that could be drawn between Maggie and the Red Room. The whole event had rekindled old thoughts and heavy insecurities she hadn't housed since before Maggie was born; Natasha was once again seriously doubting herself as a mother.
"We can't keep going on like this forever." Steve sighed quietly as he watched Natasha pull the covers back up over Maggie more.
"I know." Natasha whispered back sadly in reply.
"We need to find a way to move on." Steve said softly, but still firmly. He had been very patient with the two redheads since everything pretty much went to hell, but Natasha knew that he was starting to feel uncomfortable about how long it was taking them to recover. He understood it wouldn't happen overnight, but he also knew the only way to move past these instances was to, well, move past them.
Natasha didn't respond, and just rubbed Maggie's back gently. Her fearful off-grid flight with Maggie had put a hold on Natasha and Steve's ongoing efforts to have another child. They had yet to continue things, one reason being, of course, that Maggie was practically attached to them 24/7 now out of fear it would happen again. Another reason was the emotional and mental damage Natasha has received as a mother. She had yet to admit it to herself, but she knew she had been feeling this dread and guilt ever since she returned home from the hospital after being saved with Maggie by Steve and the others.
Natasha did not want another baby.
It would be cruel, she was sure, to bring another innocent life that would be despised and endangered just because of who his or her mother was into the world. Of course, the same also somewhat applied to the child's familial relations with Steve and the rest of the Avengers, but Natasha was an enemy to many people on both sides, not just the Red Room. Not to mention, Maggie knew the truth now because Natasha explained her past (in an as age appropriate way possible) while they were hiding. Natasha wasn't going to force her daughter to stay uninformed about why someone would want to take her away, or maybe even kill her. Maggie deserved to know, and didn't blame Natasha for anything at all. Natasha liked to think this was just a part of Maggie's character, which often tried to see the good in everybody, but the spy also figured it could have just been because of a child's natural tendency to love their parents no matter what.
Natasha's own mind was plagued with nightmares of seeing a baby ripped from her hands, and then forced into a cruel life all because of her. The baby in the dream was almost always not Maggie, so Natasha assumed the infant was meant to represent a second child she wanted to have in the future. She didn't really believe in omens or anything of the like, but she took that dream founded on her resurrected worries and fresh wounds as a sign that she couldn't and shouldn't do this again. Losing Maggie would have destroyed her. Perhaps all Natasha was doing now was running, protecting herself from an uncertain, but still quite possible, future loss.
If Steve was aware of her current feelings, he gave no sign of it. He didn't push Natasha as much about her feelings this time around since he also had to focus on helping Maggie heal. He could only do so many things at once. Natasha figured he would probably figure it all out on his own if he hadn't already by now. For the present moment, though, she was glad he wasn't trying to get her to voice everything she was feeling and thinking.
"Nat." Steve called quietly, pulling her from her thoughts. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." Natasha shrugged as she rubbed Maggie's back. Steve didn't look too convinced. Natasha closed her eyes and sighed. "Goodnight, Steve." Her voice left no room for argument. She didn't want to talk about it.
"Goodnight." Steve carefully leaned over Maggie and gently kissed Natasha's forehead before lying back down. He struggled to fall back asleep due to his busy and worried thoughts.
The rest of the Avengers eventually noticed how withdrawn Natasha had become about the once exciting subject of any possibility of pregnancies and children as she resumed drinking alcohol and began training and exercising more roughly than usual. No one ever dared to voice their questions about it, as they knew it would cause her to lash out.
Maggie was still suffering enough from the trauma, and didn't ask about having a younger sibling again for a long time. It took her about six months to really recover and actually sleep through the night in her own bed, save for the occasional nightmare. Even then, she wasn't quite fully back to normal, and everyone wasn't sure if she'd ever be completely the same again.
When she finished first grade, almost a year after the Red Room incident, she finally asked about having a younger sibling again.
"I don't know, Maggie, I honestly don't know." Steve sighed in reply. He really wasn't sure what Natasha felt about it these days.
"Oh. That's okay." Maggie just shrugged in reply, an action that they would have labeled as "uncharacteristic" of her a year ago. "I don't know if I really want one anymore, anyway."
That was even stranger to Steve. He eyed her curiously. "Why don't you want one anymore?" He couldn't help but ask.
"All my classmates with little brothers and sisters said that their parents love their siblings more than them, since they're younger. I don't want you and Mama to love someone else more than me." Maggie explained.
Steve imagined that was a feeling most people who were older siblings sometimes housed. "Mags, no matter what happens, we will never love you any less. If you have a little brother or sister, we would love them the same, equal amount as we love you." He assured her with a hug.
Maggie smiled. "Thanks, Daddy. I guess having one wouldn't be that bad, after all, then. I could use some help with my pranks!"
Later that day, after Maggie went to bed, Steve finally mustered up the courage to ask Natasha what she wanted from then on out. They hadn't talked about it at all in a year, but her feelings on the subject had become clear.
"Nat, we need to talk." Steve said as he sat down on the bed with her.
"About?" Natasha asked.
"About our future. Our future as a family." He replied.
"Steve..." She sighed.
"Maggie finally asked about having a younger sibling again earlier today. She's not as enthusiastic about it as last year, but I think she would still-"
"No." Natasha interrupted.
"No?" Steve echoed.
"No. No, Steve, I'm not doing this again." Natasha tried to steel herself as she began feeling overwhelmed by emotions. "I can't bring another child into the world just to be put in danger. That is a cruel, cruel thing that we forced onto Maggie. I'm not putting another innocent life at risk."
"Natasha..." Steve tried, but she continued.
"I let myself become so... Unguarded, with this whole family thing because of how well it was working for six years. Then I was reminded of why I didn't want this in the first place. Don't get me wrong, Steve, I do not regret having Maggie and I never will; I am so grateful she is in our lives, and I wouldn't have it any other way." Natasha couldn't help but smile as she talked briefly about their daughter. Unfortunately, the joy on her face was short lived. "But now... Now we have the chance to spare someone else from being in as much danger as her. And I'm going to take advantage of that."
Natasha felt extremely guilty as she saw the look of disappointment on Steve's face. He deserved someone better, someone who could wholeheartedly and happily give him what he wanted without it having such a risk. Though he had made it crystal clear long ago that he loved her, and that her insecurities were inaccurate, she couldn't help but feel them again. He deserved better.
"Natasha... We protected Maggie. She's safe. You know that everyone would do the same for another child." Steve tried to reason with her.
"I know." Her voice was barely louder than a whisper, as she knew it would be clouded with emotion at normal volume. She met him with sad eyes. "But look at how much damage was done. Maggie is scarred for life. So are we. There's no way these wounds will ever completely go away. We can't let this happen again to another one."
Steve sighed in defeat. Normally, he would have put up more of a fight, but this entire thing was too sensitive; one wrong word or move could destroy everything. After a few seconds, he stared down at his hands. "Is this decision permanent?" He asked quietly.
Natasha also averted her teary eyes, and then shook her head slightly. "I don't know." She replied honestly.
Steve nodded slowly, accepting that as an answer. He silently pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. She quietly cried into his chest.
Gradually, life returned to whatever sense of normalcy it once held for their family and everyone seemed to have moved on from what happened.
Maggie didn't bring up the subject of another sibling again after her talk with Steve. For once in her life, she decided to be (uncharacteristically) patient and observe from the sidelines, waiting for something to happen. Seeing as nothing happened for a while, she eventually pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind and moved on as she got busier and busier with each new school year.
The other Avengers knew asking Natasha and Steve about it would be equivalent to giving a death wish, so they didn't talk about it. On one or two occasions, Pepper or Clint inquired about it, but upon seeing how distressed both parents would immediately appear after hearing them ask, they quickly changed the subject. The answer was obvious.
Natasha later tried to justify her fears with herself as her supposed infertility caused by the Red Rom. She still had no idea if she could conceive, really, since it had only happened once and never again, not even during the period of time in which she and Steve were trying for another child. A few times, she spontaneously feared and wondered if she had perhaps been with child while she was on the run with Maggie, and that getting shot had terminated the pregnancy. But, then she would quickly realize the doctors would have mentioned it to Steve or to her, or maybe to Steve for him to tell her, if that had happened.
...Right?
"Hey, Mama, wanna play Nintendo Monopoly with me and Uncle Tony?" Maggie's question pulled Natasha out of her thoughts. The fourth grader beamed up at her happily. Natasha smiled.
"Sure, Лапушка. But you are both going to lose." The spy said confidently.
"We'll see about that! I'm not a billionaire for nothing!" Tony shot back from the table. Rolling her eyes, Natasha stood up and followed Maggie across the room.
"Uncle Clint says you cheat, Uncle Tony!" Maggie protested. "He said that's why you always win."
"Well, Uncle Clint is just a sore loser." Toy snorted.
"That's not nice." Maggie commented with a frown.
"Life isn't nice, squirt. You just gotta deal." Tony shrugged.
Taking a seat at the table with her daughter and the billionaire, Natasha found herself silently agreeing with Tony's statement.
A/N: We once again journey into the land of "I'm going to mention this really dramatic plotline that exists in this universe that I haven't written out yet because I am struggling to get it right!", aka, referencing the event of Maggie and Natasha having to flee and go off the grid for a few days because mean Red Room people... I've tried writing it out a few times, but I can't seem to get it right! Hopefully I'll get some inspiration for it soon. :0
Anyway... I pretty much sealed the deal of Maggie being an only child way early on in this collection of oneshots, just by kinda, like, not having another kid around, haha. But, I did want to keep her an only child (though I personally don't have experience in the "being an only child" field). I felt like this would be the best way to go about explaining why, instead of just Nat and Steve being like "eh, I think we're good with just one" (no offense to parents who do that, I just felt like these two specific characters would do it for a big specific reason or something, but, hey, that might just be me).
I hope no one (mostly Natasha) was too OOC here! I felt like Natasha in particular would be emotional about this type of stuff. And, hey, that unanswered question at the end! Whaddup with dat?! I thought that maybe some people would "enjoy" (that is the worst word ever to use for this but I don't really know how else to describe it) the angst-filled thought of that happening to Natasha. So, I decided to leave it up to reader interpretation and opinion.
Alright, I'll stop rambling now and let you all return to your days. xD Hopefully the next update will be soon, and I'll see you all then. Sending all my love!