Come to me, oh whispering sea

OK READ FIRST before you start reading. This isn't the last chapter. I know, I said it would be, but this just sort of happened as I started writing, so it's not the last one. And I even composed that poem inside *pouts* OK, carry on. Enjoy the chapter and thank you for comments for this emotional slaughter I'm providing, you're real troopers people

The earth on Starkiller base split.

Rey didn't have time to ponder the fact or marvel at the turn of events. She hefted her still glowing lightsaber, casting azure glow on her terrified face. She was safe. The beast wasn't there with her. He was staring at her from the opposite side of the gorge, massive enough to swallow cities whole.

She felt it. She felt him, calling to her, whispering pleas of mercy followed by angry outbursts. "I will kill you, scavenger. I will find you and finish you one day, even if I have to rip the galaxy apart to do it."

Rey turned off the saber and ran to Finn, ran and never looked back.

Parsecs away from now non-existent Starkiller base, Rey woke up from a nightmare to an ordeal of her crying son. She grappled the sheets, not disoriented as much as tired. She had had the same dream over and over; the one where her life with Kylo never happened. The planet split and tore them apart. Rey turned on the night light and wiped her swollen eyes.

"I'm coming, Ben. I'm going, mommy's right there." She directed her cold feet to her slippers on the fourth try and got out of bed. Her actions were mechanic. She bowed down and picked up her son, brought him to her breast and started feeding. He latched onto her on the first try, and she sat, her eyes closing, knowing that she had a good five minutes of silence for herself.

But then – the problem was that she had a good five minutes of silence for herself. Her hand supporting the baby's head started shaking. "No, no," she took a deep breath. She knew what would come if she was left to her thoughts. After all, she had had three whole months to figure it out.

Kylo never came back.

And she didn't feel him in the Force ever since he left. Her childbirth wasn't easy, but she had help she needed. She had a nice house at the lake shore, in the emerald woods, with a home made fence. She owned droids and airspeeder; she made friends and women in Uzgul, the village she had ended up in, were all very friendly.

They didn't know.

Oh, if they only knew.

As far as they were concerned, this young, new mother was waiting for her soldier husband, but an employee of some military unit in the outer reaches. Rey heard the baby coo contentedly as he drank her milk. She stared into the dimly lit bedroom; at the wall, seeing nothing. Ben let go of her sore nipple and she got up and started pacing the room to burp him. Rey felt his head on her shoulder, but didn't look at him. She couldn't. Every time she saw his face, she saw what she had lost.

The baby started wailing and Eli strutted into the room. "Miss, do you want me to take young Master Solo? I can take care of him if you want to sleep."

"No, Eli, thank you. This looks like one of the big ones. We know only one thing will calm that storm," Rey smiled tiredly and sent Eli away. She couldn't hear herself think through the myriad of wails her beloved son produced. Set of lungs – those were Kylo's, no doubt about that. She sat on her bed and pulled out a holo record.

"Shhh, Ben, shhhh, don't cry. Please, please don't cry. Here, I know what you want. Here, well? What is it? Whaaat is this?" she seemed to have captured baby's attention with the bright, red holo and positioned it on the bed. She leaned the baby closer and Ben, without ever knowing what he was doing, swatted the pyramid with his pudgy hand. It started glowing blue and gray; and in that second, Rey felt a physical stab in her chest.

"I don't know, Rey… uhm. This is…this is stupid." Kylo sat down on the black chair on the star destroyer.

"No, it's not." She heard herself talk, but didn't see it because she was recording him."Now, say only nice things and don't scare him."

"What, like this?"

The baby smiled.

"Nooo, Kylo not like that. That was a nasty freaking face. Don't do that. Be nice, all right?"

He looked up at her, but in the projection, he was looking above real Rey's head. "You said freaking in front of a baby." He smirked. A rustling sound of something was heard in the background, and Kylo barely evaded a pillow.

"All right, I get it I get it. I'm talking now, so shut up and let me." He cleared his throat and gripped the armrests; as if a king addressed his subjects. "Dear Benedict Organa Solo the Second. I'm speaking to you right now because your mother has nothing better to do with her time than to pester me about-"

Series of muffled words could be heard in the holo; words which Rey cut out with a heavy heart because damn, those insults were ingenuous. She looked down on the baby, fascinated by what he saw.

"Are we clear, Kylo?" her panting came not from the belly, but her aggravation.

"Yes, ma'am. Perfectly clear. Uhm, Ben." Kylo looked into the holoprojector and Rey's lips started shaking. Her entire face went numb, and ants spread on her chest. She barely held the baby. She felt nauseous and short of air at the same time. "Ben, my son. First of all, let me apologize for the name Ben. She insisted," he pointed at Rey, but mysteriously, at the future Rey who would be watching it, the one who was. "I was not a big fan of it. You were almost Anakin the Second, but I have seen the reason in the end. Ok, your mother has made me see the reason. I… "his eyes acquired that focus he had only for her. "I'm your father. I... I'm doing this just in case we never get to meet. We will, of course we will, " his hands slid up and down the armrests. "This is just a precaution. I wanted you to see that I was here, that I was with your mom not only when we made you, but also in the end. Although the making bit was a lot more fun than this holo. I was looking forward to you."

He gripped that chair till his knuckles whitened. "I am looking forward to you. Look at me, talking as if I'm…gone or something. I'm not. I won't be. We will do things together, you and I, plenty of things. I will teach you wield a lightsaber. But," he quirked his mouth. "I'm afraid your mom will teach you to pilot a ship, she has way better skills than me."

The recording shook a little and watching Rey remembered why. She remembered feeling of heaviness she had felt when recording this. Tears were sliding down her cheeks, down into baby's jet black hair. "Sorry sweetie," she kissed his hair and caressed them gently.

"I will show you the ways of the Force. The Force…it's…." his eyes widened. "It's magnificent, true testament to the wonders of the galaxy. Look," Kylo opened his palm and let the blue mist swirl around it.

The baby raised his arm and opened his little mouth, gurgling, utterly fascinated by the blue cloud on the screen. Rey barely stifled her frantic sobs.

"Look, isn't it amazing? Isn't it a miracle? Your mom can do it, but she's not as good as me, obviously." Kylo puffed. "The mist was floating in the background of the holo afterwards. "Well, uhm… what else is there? We will read together, watch old holocrons of the Sith empire. We'll watch those of the republic as well, uhm, just to see which was better. And I will tell you about your lineage." He leaned closer to the screen and Rey almost died. She could almost touch him, and yet she couldn't.

"Never forget, son. You come from the most powerful bloodline in the galaxy. There were politicians and senators, queens and powerful imperators… and… and… smugglers. Yes, them too, and they had to be damn smart to smuggle their loot. I'm not saying everything your ancestors did was right; or what your father did, for that matter," he lowered his eyes. "But know that we were trying. I was trying my best to do everything in my power for you and your mom. And you have her blood, too, thank the stars. It might fix those bits in mine that are faulty."

Recording Rey sobbed. Kylo's head darted up and he smiled. "Oh come on. Don't go sentimental on me now. OK baby Ben, it's time to wrap it up because your mom is not handling my awesome, sensitive side well."

"Oaf."

"I know."

"Ugh, you're impossible. You realize your son will be watching this one day, right?"

Stern expression crossed his face. "He won't. He won't have the need."

"But you-"

"He won't, Rey. I will be there. I will."

The holo cut into darkness abruptly, so quickly that Rey jerked back and the baby started wailing again. She followed right after him. She brought him on her chest and cried bitter, salty tears from the most profound well of pain.

"Don't cry, Ben, please. How about we…we…" she heaved. "Go to sleep, huh? Come on," she lay him carefully into the cot, but the cacophony didn't cease. Quite the opposite. He upped the volume. Rey was standing above the crib, looking at him dispassionately. She saw the inside of his mouth, the pink ridge without teeth, his tongue coiled because he was screeching so much. She saw his cheek puckered like a frog because he wouldn't even breathe, he was just screaming to the high heavens.

And she was tired.

Not her body, but her mind.

"I can't do it. I can't, oh gods, Kylo." She sagged down and leaned against the crib. She clutched her ears. "Why, why? Where are you? Why did you have to do this to me?" she kicked the wall. "You promised, you fucking promised you, you…"

Her head fell into her palms and she started breathing through the sobs; her gray nightgown stained by her tears. But the baby needed her. Little Ben's cries never left her cold for long. She just couldn't bear them. So, she shuffled up to her feet and took him in her arms.

"Shhhh, shhhhh," she was walking the room in circles. "Who's the most beautiful boy in the seven star systems? You are," she kissed his temple. "You are, my little boy." Ben's hand grappled at her pendant, the one she wore tucked near her heart.

Rey nearly tripped over the toys on the ground, so she laid him into her bed and spooned next to him, gently scratching his belly. "I know what you want. Look," she opened her palm, and a measly blue vapor rose from it. The mist couldn't hold a candle to Kylo's, but Ben seemed content and stopped crying.

Rey let out a heavy sigh. She could have left. She could have had help, if she but said yes. One month ago, she got an unexpected visitor, someone risen from the dead in the most literal sense. The hovercrafts and richly colored reconnaissance vessels began descending onto Cerea. Rey started packing in panic. She knew that these weren't the Order ships and that whoever they were; it didn't bode well for her.

"Eli, grab that one, no the one with the wheels. Yes, that one and pack Ben's stuff." She ran across the room frantically. But before she could pack half the things, the door to her house opened. Heavy footsteps assaulted her stairs and Rey readied the blaster in one hand and the lightsaber in the other. She stood in front of baby's crib and counted her heartbeats.

The door opened.

Rey's blaster almost fell down. "You… you're… how?"

Leia Organa stepped into the chamber. She was dressed in a regal, dark blue gown and leaned on a cane. Her hair was not grey, it was plain white, white as snow and her face looked older than that of a woman of her age. Poe Dameron and Finn walked in her tow.

"Good morning, Rey." She smiled.

Rey didn't greet them. She didn't even look at them, all she was thinking about was her son, alone and vulnerable in the cot; and her being unable to protect him with one blaster and one old droid. "Stay back!"

"It's all right, Rey." Finn spoke. "We haven't come to hurt you. The war is over. We've won."

"We? Who's we? And I said stay the hell back!" mother lioness yelled, protecting her cub.

"Finn, Poe, perhaps it's best if you leave me to it. You can go and wait outside."Leia said kindly. Both men gave Rey one last, pained look and closed the door behind them. "Forgive me but could I possibly sit down? It's my legs, you see. And my age," Leia smirked. In that second, Rey swore she saw Kylo's trademark smirk. It felt as if Leia slapped her.

"Uhm. Yeah. Sit down."

Both women sat in the large, cozy living room with black sofa and white, plush carpets. Opened patio blew nice, aromatic breeze inside, tossing the white curtains in the air.

Rey sat down, watching Leia's every move like a hawk. She pointed the blaster strategically over her knee, so that one click and she had a clear shot. "You're supposed to be dead." Rey furrowed her brows.

"I look good for a dead person, don't I?"

"Where's Kylo?"

"I don't know where your husband is."

"How do you know we're…"

"The necklace." Leia nodded. "It belonged to my mother. I know it. I know he wouldn't have given it to you, only on one occasion. I know my son." She sighed.

"You know nothing. Why are you here? And where is Kylo?"

"I already told you, we don't know. The battle of Kitel Phard took place a week ago. The resistance officially defeated the First Order. We decimated their Starfleet and seven of their ten leaders are dead. We're hunting the remaining three and-"

"I don't care." Rey screamed, panic seizing over her. "Where…where is Kylo?"

Leia's eyes softened. "He fought on Kitel Phard. He's not among the dead, yet. But he's not confirmed among the living either. "

"The…the, his command shuttle? There's a way to track the shuttle, isn't there?"

"He left the shuttle on Phard. If he got out, he used another transport."

Rey dropped the blaster. It sunk into the thick carpet. "Then his belt!" she screamed victoriously. "He has this thing there, a tracker. You can find him through it."

Leia shook her head. "We've tried. It's off. It doesn't transmit anything, in fact, it hasn't transmitted in months."

Rey's eyes watered. Fuck. He must have turned it off because of her, so that Snoke or the Order wouldn't be able to track her through him. She flew up to the curtains, squeezing her pale throat. "Where is my husband? Where? What have you done with him?"

Leia's heart was bleeding, as only a mother's would. But now, this young, broken girl was a mother, too. "My child, you should calm down, for the sake of your son. You will lose the milk if you're stressed."

Rey ran to the cot and took her son into her arms. This is all I have left of you, my love? She shut her eyes and breathed in the sweet baby scent of a new human being. She brought him back to the living room. Leia's eyes shone wide. She sauntered towards them.

"I didn't fight," Rey said coldly. "I didn't help him."

"With you, he knew such happiness like never before. I think you helped more than you realize, my child. You gave his life meaning in that year you spent together. You gave him new life," Leia gently caressed the small head of her grandson. "He's a spitting image of my Ben, he has his-"

"I don't want to hear it, all right? I know how he looks like. You don't need to remind me! And call him Kylo – he didn't want to be Ben, so don't force the name on him. Don't even talk about him, and…and…"

Leia stepped back, blinking away the tears because the image of this thin, young girl was too painful to behold. So, her son did love. Usually, the world began crumbling around Ben Solo wherever he arrived; but now, Rey's crumbled when he wasn't there.

Rey shook her head."I gave him new life, what's that supposed to mean? That's such bullshit. It's nothing. It means nothing. I should have insisted Kylo trained me and fought with Skywalker and you. I shouldn't have gotten myself knocked up and be useless for six months. I should have been there, by his side, fighting and-"

"Rey," Leia touched her arm. "You can't be alone right now. It is over. You have to come with us, back to Coruscant. We'll take care of you and my grandson."

"No," she brushed off Leia's touch. "I'll be here. I have to wait for Kylo. He's coming. He promised and I know he's coming and someone has to stay here and wait for him."

"He's a war criminal. He will be tried and sentenced as one."

"How can you do that to your own son? Are you insane?"

Leia hung her head. "Not even my own blood is above the law of the new republic. The law is sacred."

"Then you're lost!" Rey shouted, walking away from her, clutching the baby who stirred and whimpered. "Then you're truly lost. Get out of my house. Get out and leave us be!"

"Rey," Leia's cane knocked on the floor, once the carpet ended. "He won't get the death penalty, that much I can promise. He spared my life. When the First Order attacked our resistance base on D'Qar; Ben spared me. He sent me a personal transmission, a distress signal on a frequency known only to the few. I had time to get ready and flee. Of course, no one anticipated the impact of the detonation, not even my son. My ship got bombarded in the asteroid belt and I suffered serious injuries. But if he hadn't warned me, I would have been dead."

Rey wiped her nose, cradling the baby in her arms. "Get. Out. Of. My. House." She spat.

"If he's alive and he comes here, you know what to do. For the sake of your son, you know what's right. Give him a chance," Leia eyed little Ben lovingly. "Let him start with a clean slate, with a father who is atoning for his sins. Take care, Rey. If you need anything, transmit to me. I am going to be on Coruscant for the time being, getting the republican senate in order."

Rey huffed, waiting till the whole resistance circus left as fast as they had come. She ran to the gardens, fast enough, but safely with sleeping Ben in her arms. The old sycamore tree towered over her, accompanied by gnarly willows and chestnuts. The alleyway enclosed her in a beautiful sea of green.

Rey craned her head. The birds were chirping, flying alongside the ships and freighters of the resistance. She sat on the marble bench, under the blooming willow. The Force, the Force…she invoked that chaotic, invisible deity toying with their lives. She did it in vain. She did it in captivity on the Finalizer, when she had only some spiders to play with. She did it in the woods, when Kylo and his knights hunted her. She did it many times before, and the Force spat in her face and fucked her.

"Where are you, Kylo? Why can't I feel you in the Force? You promised…. You promised you'd be here and you lied. You lied to me. You have a son," Rey beseeched the blue skies. "Don't you love him? Don't you wanna see him?"

And she hadn't stopped praying ever since. She prayed now, lying in bed, scraping the cute, little belly of her baby dressed in a blue onesie. He's not coming. Rey clasped her forehead, wiping the tears. "He's dead. Your daddy is dead and this fucking holo is the only memory you'll ever have, Ben. Better get used to it. Better accept it."

And once she did accept it, the mornings weren't so painful anymore. Eli and she readied the baby for an afternoon stroll. Rey would play him the holo every night. She would take him on long walks in the gardens, among the whispering trees. She read from a datapad to him, sitting on their bench.

"Come to me, oh whispering sea, How to cross the reed, will thee?

How to cross the heavens far, how to spot the twinkling star?

Look for it you need not be, the stars are shining within thee.

Come to me, oh whispering sea, lost among the stars you be.

Despair not, my baby dear, stars will always shine so near;

Near to you and in your heart, where morns with mommy always start."

Rey wiped another tear, this one she didn't even register. Her eyes were permanently red, as if edged into a scarlet marble. Her face didn't shine like the stars in the poem. It sunk, hollowed, it glowed of despair and pain no young mother should experience. She clutched the fabric of her pants, desperate to feel, taking a deep breath of the balmy, verdant scent.

"Time to go, Ben. I know you're hungry." She said, but before she took the stroller, Rey pulled out a small hook and scratched another line into the old willow bark. "There," she blew the dust away and smiled. "That's a ninety two for you, my boy. You're growing so fast."

Ninety two scratches for each day her son lived in this world; and she had made all of them. Well, nearly all. The first week was marked by Eli, since Rey couldn't get up after the childbirth. She kissed the jappor snippet and patted the scratches lovingly. "Come on, twinkling star. Let's get lunch." Rey kissed her baby and ambled to the house.

A gloved hand gently caressed the scratches and watched two people he loved the most walk away from him. And then, he took a deep breath and followed.