Another chapter so quickly! This one is full of romance, and some pain, too.
This is probably going to be the last chapter for a while as I'm heading back to school for another academic year. I'll do my best to write and make time for writing, though. Thanks for all your support and love. Enjoy.
Chapter Twenty-five
Lucas wished he had gotten a chance to talk to Charna before he saw Peyton. It wasn't that he didn't want to take her "somewhere more comfortable," he really did. But he also wanted to do right by her, and was terribly nervous that he might be taking advantage of her instead.
"Luke?"
Peyton's gentle proclamation of his name snapped Lucas away from his thoughts. With his hands firmly on the wheel of his Ford Mustang, he turned to face her at a red light. Her gaze was soft and somehow it managed to calm his nerves a little. "Hm?" he asked.
"Are you OK?"
"Yeah," Lucas answered, giving her a small smile. "I'm OK. I was gonna take you by River Road, but since it's so dark, I didn't see the point."
Peyton nodded. "I should call Ella." Lucas watched as Peyton pulled her I-Phone out of her clutch, dialed Ella's number, and put the phone to her ear. "She's not answering," she said. Lucas listened to Peyton's short message, and then she hung up. "I can't imagine what she's still doing at the club."
"I would think Jesse has to close up," Lucas said, his eyes on the road.
"Where exactly are we going?" Peyton asked, her curiosity overwhelming her.
Lucas smiled, shyly taking her hand. She didn't pull away. "You'll see."
About twenty minutes later, Lucas took the exit off of US-74, and Peyton turned to him. "Wrightsville Beach?"
Lucas nodded. "Almost there."
Peyton watched as Lucas pulled into a very familiar space. "Dan's beach house," she said, watching her husband as he put the Mustang in park and took off his seatbelt. "You always said you wanted nothing to do with this place." Peyton got out of the car and followed her husband up the many steps to the front door. The last time she ever dealt with this house was when Lucas, Haley and Nathan unanimously decided that they would keep the house and put it up for rent. Although they hated Dan and wanted no connection to him, they couldn't deny that renting the beautiful property was an important source of income for all of them. So, the couples split the rent check in half.
"Sometimes it's useful," Lucas said, taking his keys out of his jeans pocket. Without saying a word, he opened the front doors and led his wife inside. He turned the lights on, illuminating the beautiful, airy space. Peyton sat down in a whicker chair, watching as her husband headed to the kitchen, pouring a glass of red wine for her and a club soda for him. There was something sexy about him, she decided– in his white button down and jeans.
With the drinks in his hands, Lucas hit a momentary standstill. His wife was so beautiful it got him tongue-tied. When her eyes met his, his hands got shaky and sweaty, and his heart raced in his chest. "Shall we...I guess we could–"
"Sit outside?" Peyton finished. One of the many good things of knowing her husband for so long was that she knew him, inside-out. Even if it meant she finished his sentences sometimes. Though she appeared calm and composed, on the inside she was freaking out...what was going to happen? Were they going to kiss, or do more than kiss? Did she trust him enough to let go completely?
Lucas nodded, "Sure. I mean, if you want to, we can." He motioned for her to follow him outside, to the balcony facing the ocean. They sat in two wooden chairs with a little table in between them. Lucas chuckled a bit, as they sat in silence for a few moments. "I remember junior year of high school, Haley and I came here for Nathan's party...and I remember the exact conversation we had, right here."
Peyton's cheeks heated up with the way her husband was looking at her, and she looked down at her lap. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. What was it that you said to me?" Lucas laughed. "I guess I'm just a riddle..."
"Wrapped in a mystery, inside a bitch," Peyton finished, shaking her head at her 17 year-old self. "God."
"Didn't exactly scare me away," Lucas said, watching his wife's every nuance. I'm scared to death right now, Lucas thought to himself. Where was Charna when you needed her!
"No, it didn't," Peyton said, taking another sip of wine to at least calm her nerves. "I'm glad it didn't," she said quietly, looking her husband in the eye.
"Me too," Lucas said, swallowing. All he wanted to do was kiss her more, let her melt into his embrace, pull him by his collar, run her hands through his hair and down his back, which ached with no sleep. He watched his wife sip her wine, until eventually she finished the glass, and shivered. "Are you cold?" Lucas' heart was pounding in his chest so hard he thought he might pass out. "We can maybe...go inside," he said, cursing himself. Way to be confident, idiot.
He heard his wife take a deep breath. Oh, God. He was too rash. "OK," she agreed, and Lucas was sure to take her hand on the way inside, just to have some contact.
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When there was a knock on Lily's door, she looked into the mirror one last time, fixing strands of her black curly hair. She took a breath, surveyed her makeup, and went to answer the door.
"Hey," Andre said, wearing a smile as he was always known to do. "You look nice," he said, subtly looking her over.
"Thanks," Lily said with a smile. She reached in to hug him, noticing how he pulled her close and held her for a second. When she pulled away he smiled his million dollar smile, and allowed her to shut the door and lock it. Soon they walked stride to stride down the walkway to the curb and Andre's parked car.
"So, how you been?" Andre asked, turning the car key into the ignition.
"Good," Lily answered, putting on her seatbelt. "Still dealing with my brother and...you know."
"Yeah," Andre agreed, looking to Lily. "I know."
"I just wish I wasn't so... involved, sometimes. But I can't help it." Lily shook her head, her hair falling down her shoulders. "Sorry, I don't wanna–"
"No, no," Andre said, looking over at her from a red light. "It's ok. I don't think there's anything wrong with you being 'involved'. It shows that you care."
"But it hurts more," Lily said, her quiet voice traveling through the car.
"Because you care," Andre said with a half-smile. "It's who you are."
Lily blushed but thankfully it was hidden by the darkness.
Both teenagers chatted about light, fun things, with frequent carefree laughter sprinkled in between. They pulled up to the Blue Post, and once inside Lily headed straight to a un-occupied pool table, and Andre headed to the bar to order two beers. When they reunited, Lily was cuing up, and Andre was watching the curves of her body melt into her every movement.
"So, you've clearly never seen me play pool," Lily said, once Andre did the break. "Otherwise you would've never asked me to play you."
Andre's eyebrows raised and he smirked at her. "Is that right?"
Lily nodded. "Oh yeah."
The game commenced, and as soon as it did Andre's jaw was on the floor. "Damn, girl," Andre said, taking a sip of her beer. "Go a little softer."
"Hell no," Lily said. "I don't do soft," she kinked her brow and she could sense Andre's rapid heartbeat. She began to laugh, and because her laugh was so contagious, Andre laughed, too.
"I could say so many dirty lines to what you just said," Andre said. "But I won't."
"Well. Clearly we know where your head's at," Lily said, and then she flinched. "OK, I just walked into that one."
Andre laughed harder, watching her. "Wow, Lily."
"Just...shut up and play pool," Lily said, draining the rest of her beer in two gulps.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Once Lucas led his wife inside, he was stuck. He wouldn't dare lead her to the bedroom, afraid of what that would connote. Too much intimacy, too soon, he thought to himself. So, he led her to the comfy couch in the living room, and sat down next to her, resting a hand on her knee. "This OK?" he asked her, as she put her legs on his lap.
"I'd tell you if it wasn't," Peyton said, with hints of a smile.
Lucas ran a light hand across his wife's legs, feeling every edge and contour of her skin. "I know, I just...I wanna make sure that–"
"I know," Peyton assured him.
"With everything that I've done..." Lucas shook his head. He looked his wife in the eye and said, "Peyton, I'm sorry," he said, his lips quivering.
"Luke..."
"No, you didn't deserve any of it," Lucas said, his voice laced with a passion that Peyton hadn't seen in a long time. "I was distant, and I pushed you away–but I never stopped loving you." Lucas noticed the tears in his wife's eyes, and his face fell. "You and our daughter are the two best things in my life, and I almost lost you both!" he said, and when his wife began to cry, so did he. "I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry..." Lucas cried, and Peyton shifted so that she could hug him. Resting his chin on her shoulder, he said, "I thought I could make it through alone, but I need you," he said, his words barely distinguishable.
Peyton let out a breath. "I'm here," she said.
Lucas leaned in slowly to kiss her, as if it were the first time he ever kissed her. His movements were slow, shy, and ever so gentle. Even though they had kissed more passionately on the RiverCourt, Lucas didn't want to take any chances. It was only when Peyton discretely wiped her tongue across his mouth did his lips part. He couldn't but help but groan at the feel of her, his hands doing their own separate work going up and down her legs, again stopping at the hem of her dress. They kissed until Peyton was practically sitting on his lap, allowing Lucas to run his hands down her back.
Peyton pulled away only run her hand down his weary face.
"Are you OK?" he asked her, his hands grazing her backside.
Peyton nodded. "Are you?" She ran a finger gently along the dark circles under Lucas' eyes.
He had his wife sitting on his lap, kissing him. He never thought they'd get back to this point. Still, he knew of one better. He just had to take the chance. "My back's killing me."
"Yeah? Maybe if we went to lie down," Peyton said quietly, meeting Lucas' heavy gaze.
"Can we?" Lucas whispered, and he was almost shaking with the fear that she'd run away from him. He swallowed, trying to calm his beating heart.
Peyton nodded without a word, and together they walked to a guest room with fresh, white clean sheets. Lucas opened the doors to the balcony to allow the misty ocean breeze to flow throughout the room. "I just..." Peyton said, and Lucas turned around.
Oh, God, Lucas thought. It was too fast. I knew it. I fucking knew it.
"...Yeah?"
"I just need to change," Peyton said, biting her lip. "I've been wearing this for too long," she said.
"Oh," Lucas said. "Uh...here," Lucas began to deftly unbutton his white button down, taking it off to show the white sleeveless shirt he wore underneath.
Peyton began to laugh, and Lucas laughed, too. "I didn't plan this part, I promise," he said, with a smile Peyton missed so much.
Peyton caught the shirt in her hands and her nerves returned. "Um...could you..?"
Lucas understood, and it was like a punch in the gut. "Sure, I'll...I'll wait outside." Once he was on the other side of the door, Lucas banged his head against the wall. "Shit," he swore.
When the door opened, Lucas was counting to 100 in his head, just to calm himself. It's just laying down together, Lucas told himself. You're just going to lay down with her. He turned to the door and his wife wearing his shirt so much better than he did. Her legs traveled for days and her wavy hair fell to her shoulders. He eyed the curves of her body, and took her slender hand in his. She led them to the bed, undoing the duvet cover so they could lie underneath it. Lucas let Peyton climb in first, an old habit.
The minute they were laying down, Lucas had his arms around his wife, burying himself in her scent. He breathed heavily against her neck, before kissing it. "God, I missed you..."
"I missed you, too," Peyton said, her voice breaking.
"What's wrong? Is this too much?" Lucas panicked. Of course he'd be the jackass that pressured his wife into bed with him.
"No...I just...I really missed you, Luke," she said, and tears fell, Lucas kissed away every one. Soon his lips found hers, and they kissed heavily, time melting away. Lucas' hands started out slow, and turned more frantic as soon he felt his wife's tongue in the warm depths of his mouth. His hands started out grabbing her leg, grazing her backside and going all the way up her back. He ached to feel her skin but didn't say it. Her leg coiled around him and he groaned, squeezing her thigh in approval.
Peyton breathed out and let her husband start to lightly bite on her neck again. She shut her eyes and leaned back on the fluffy pillow. When Lucas pulled away to look at her, his lips were puffy and swollen. "Can I ask you something, Peyt?" he whispered.
She nodded, her heart racing.
"...Do you still need me like I need you?" His eyes were such a deep blue that Peyton wanted to really cry.
"Luke..." Peyton said, her voice breaking once more. "You have no idea."
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Lily and Andre played a few more games of pool, laughing about when they were younger.. She smirked, leaning on her pool stick. Just watching her made Andre have to check himself, she was so sexy. "Um, I think I just won every game," Lily said. "You gonna pay me now or later?"
"Take it easy now," Andre said, holding out his hands. "How about I buy you another beer?"
Lily nodded. "Now we're talking. "
Andre ended up taking the beer to a high table diagonal to the pool tables, just to be closer to Lily and talk to her more. With pool they were constantly crossing each other's path, and it was driving Andre nuts. At the table, the two of them talked and laughed about college and their majors and their friends.
"So," Andre said, his hand on his beer. Lily was close enough so he could see the emotion in her beautiful eyes. Lily was close enough to keep getting distracted by Andre's smile.
"So," Lily echoed, watching Andre intently. He was looking her that way again, which sent shivers up her arm and spine. "It's kinda weird, huh? We're childhood friends and now...we're here."
"Where's here?" Andre asked, his voice soft.
"Drinking beers and playing pool in a bar," Lily said, laughing. But it was a nervous laugh. She wondered if Andre could see that. "Look, Andre I have to ask you...what was this?"
"What was what?"
"This," Lily said. "I hate to be that girl, but..." The question was burning at the tip of her tongue.
Andre laughed. "You askin' me if this is a date? Was is past tense."
Lily smiled and looked down at her hands. "Yeah. I'm...sorry, that was stupid."
"That wasn't stupid," Andre said. "What if this is a date?" he asked, and Lily could sense the nerves in his voice. "Or...what if we shouldn't even be having this conversation?"
Lily scoffed. "Says who?"
Andre nodded. "Right."
"You know...there are certain things that set a date apart from just...hanging out with an old friend."
Andre's hands began to sweat and he could hear his pounding heart in his chest. "Yeah? Like what?"
Lily smirked, and all they did was share a glance.
"You wanna get outta here?" Andre asked. The loud, drunk men and the cigarette smoke was making him dizzy. Having Lily so close, yet so far, was making him dizzy.
"Sure."
-x-x-x-EGS-x-x-x
It was nearing 2:15 in the morning as the guests at Jesse's began to disperse. I was watching as waiters began to clean up the place, and stagehands began to maintain the stage, when Adrian came up behind me and lightly kissed my neck. "Hi," he said, in a tone of voice he only used with me.
"Hey," I said.
"Did you have a good time?" he asked, wrapping his arm around my waist.
"Great time," I said. "Thanks for bringing me."
"Of course," Adrian said, leaning his chin on my shoulder, his gaze parallel to mine as we watched the stagehands on the empty stage. "I think I know one thing that will make this night even better," he said.
I watched him warily. "...What?"
I followed Adrian's gaze to the stage in front of us. A Steinway was sitting unoccupied on the stage–unoccupied and inviting. I felt nerves build up in my stomach at Adrian's hint.
"Wanna play your song for me?"
I immediately tensed but Adrian just wrapped his arms around me tighter. "...There's people here," I stuttered, as thought it were a fate worse than death.
"Oh come on," Adrian said. "They're so busy they won't even be paying attention."
"Adrian..."
"What? Come on, Gummy. I really want to hear it. I promise, no one will even blink an eye."
"Oh, that makes me feel loads better," I said. I couldn't help myself.
Adrian rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean." He took my hand and gently led me to the stage. We climbed the steps carefully, and I tried hard to ignore my sway as I walked, or my crooked left leg, turning in and making me flinch in pain.
Sitting at the piano gave me immediate relief–except it was replaced by nerves at playing my song for my boyfriend. He sat next to me on the piano stool, which didn't help. "We're not in the studio...and the song's not even close to done," I said, my hands resting on the piano keys.
Adrian shrugged. "So play me what you have. And a piano's a piano," he said, like it was the easiest concept in the world. He leaned in slowly to kiss my cheek. "Please?"
I leaned my head back and said a quick prayer in my head. I really, really hated playing for people. I sighed heavily. "Ok, ok fine." I placed my hands on the keys and took a deep breath. I hoped that the music would help me drown out everyone else in the club, and I remembered what my aunt Haley always told me: don't think. Just play.
Don't you worry honey
Don't you worry sweetheart
I'll get off this train
then I'll shout your name
I was aware of Adrian's gaze on me the whole time, even though I tried to concentrate on the song lyrics. My voice got stronger and the chords got louder as my fingers danced through each verse. It was like it was only Adrian and me there, everyone else just disappeared. I played through each verse and the new bridge I developed with Chris. "...That's it," I said, blushing profusely.
"Ella, that was amazing," Adrian said, bumping his shoulder with mine. "With some work it'll be spectacular."
This time I nudged his shoulder. "You're just saying that."
"No," Adrian said, and I saw the sincerity in his eyes. "I'm not." He leaned in to give me a peck on the lips, and he rubbed off my strawberry lip gloss. "You're a songwriter!"
I laughed. "Oh my God, no way. It's one song."
Adrian laughed, too. "I knew you were gonna say that." He got off the piano stool and helped me up, too. He watched me as my legs nearly gave out, tightening his grip on me. "You OK?"
"Yeah, I'm..."
"Tired?" Adrian asked, looping my arm through his as we walked off the stage.
"You guys! Get ready to go," came Jesse's voice from the bar. Rebecca had left earlier when Nicky fell asleep.
"We can sleep in the car," Adrian whispered in my ear, running his hand up my back.
"OK," I agreed, my stomach doubling over at the way Adrian would hold me in his arms, as I rested my head on his shoulder. It was in that manner that we made our drive home to Tree Hill.
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"Please don't cry," Lucas said, running a gentle hand down Peyton's wet cheek. "It breaks my heart to see you cry, baby," he said, burrowing his face in her slender neck. "It kills me that I hurt you," Lucas said. "I always swore I never would, and it makes me feel like a hypocrite now..." Lucas whispered, running his hand down the fabric of the shirt his wife was now wearing. He pressed against her skin, teasing her. "I couldn't look at you, because I couldn't even look at myself."
Peyton shut her eyes, painfully remembering one of the fights they had. She wiped at her eyes, diminishing her tears.
"Everything that happened with Ryan, and with...the baby," Lucas said, having to push the words out of his throat.
Peyton held up her hands. "I can't...I can't talk about that, right now."
Lucas nodded slowly. "...OK."
"It just...hurts too much," Peyton cried, pressing her palm to her mouth. All of the words–of which she never told her husband–ran through her head. Inadequate. Failure. Disconnect.
Lucas ran his warm hand down his wife's arm, gently easing her palm away from her mouth. "I know it hurts..."
Peyton shook her head and turned away from him, resting her cheek on her hand, tears falling from her eyes. Sure, the miscarriage had severely impacted them both, but she was sure Lucas didn't feel the loss like she did. He didn't carry, nurture the baby in his body.
"Please," Lucas asked her, shifting so that his arm was around her waist. "Please, look at me."
Eventually, she did.
"The miscarriage was never your fault," Lucas said, and Peyton shook her head.
"Oh, God..."
"It was never your fault," Lucas said again. "Never." He kissed her chin, and then her ear, any part of her that his lips could reach. "Peyt..." he said, and he grabbed her hand. She pulled his arm to wrap around her waist, just like they used to sleep. "It's OK. I'm here," he said, and he squeezed her hand, and she held on. "You can cry," he said, his voice quivering.
She did. Heart-wrenching, body-trembling sobs, harsh and raw and echoing through the dimly lit bedroom. It was so painful that Lucas began to cry, holding his wife in his arms like he'd never had. After about 20 minutes, she had calmed. She lay with her back to Lucas' chest, listening to the sound of the ocean waves.
"Peyt?" Lucas asked, his chin resting on her shoulder. "...Can you please talk to me?"
Peyton had waited so long for him to ask her that, to want to know what was going on with her. For months with Lucas it was like talking to a wall. She missed their connection terribly. "I..." she said, and there was so much more, but she couldn't get it out, and she wasn't sure why. "I can't."
Peyton shifted so that she was facing him again, and their legs intertwined underneath the sheets. "I don't blame you," Lucas said, passion leaking with his every word. He put a hand on her cheek, running his thumb along her smooth skin. He watched as her lips began to tremble, and she tried to break their gaze, but he didn't let her. "I don't blame you for any of it."
"...I blame me," was what Peyton said, and Lucas almost didn't hear her. She began to cry again, and all Lucas could do was hold her tighter. "I blame me, and it hurts."
Lucas couldn't think of what to say that would comfort her. He hugged her, hard, and whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He felt her tears leak onto his undershirt, and his own tears falling onto his cheeks. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there," he said, kissing her cheek. "For you," he said, his voice breaking, the weight of what he'd done falling onto his shoulders. "And our daughter." After he'd stopped crying, Lucas felt like he'd been hit by a truck. "It hurts everywhere, baby," he said, wiping at his cheeks. "I just wanna lie down with you. Just like this." He slowly leaned in to kiss her, silently asking if it was alright. She nodded slightly, and their lips met. Their movements traveled from slow and lazy to frantic and desirous in no time at all. Lucas was almost ripping at her shirt, clawing sensually at her every curve. The feeling of her hips grinding against his was enough to drive him absolutely mad.
"Wait, wait," Peyton breathed, when Lucas had rolled on top of her, blindly kissing her as if it were the last thing he'd ever do. "Luke...I'm not ready for–"
"Me either," Lucas replied. "Did I–"
"No," Peyton assured him. "But I'm OK with kissing for a while," she said, and her cheeks flushed red at the sentiment.
Lucas smiled a crooked smile, and he pulled her in for a kiss. There they stayed as the minutes flowed on, only pulling apart for a moment.
"Is your back better?" Peyton asked him, and Lucas leaned down to kiss her nose.
"I forgot about it for a few minutes there," Lucas said. Still, he watched as his wife brought her hands underneath his undershirt, her fingers grazing his skin. He shut his eyes and swallowed, wordlessly encouraging her to keep going. Her thumb pressed against the contours of his spine, going all the way up to his shoulder blades. There, she dug her palms into his aching muscles, and he had to stifle a groan.
"Does that feel any better?"
"Mhm," Lucas said, totally distracted by the faint scent of her perfume. "Please," he breathed. "Keep going."
She did, and eventually they dissolved into kissing and talking again, alternating between the two. They were insanely into each other, wrapped in the other's arms, and kissing the pain away, when Peyton's cell began ringing. "That must be Ella," Peyton said, and she leaned over to where her clutch was resting on the bed. "Hi baby girl," she said, trying hard to appear aloof, since she'd cried so much. "Where are you?"
"Where am I? Where the heck are you?! It's almost four in the morning!"
"Oh, God, honey I lost track of time–"
"Lost track of time? Mom, what the hell. I panicked when I got here and you weren't home, so I called Aunt Brooke. She said she dropped you off at the RiverCourt and that you were with Dad. Are you at least with him?"
Peyton hesitated and rolled her eyes. "Yes...yes I'm with your father," she flinched, not exactly wanting Ella to know about her and Lucas "working on things," just yet.
"Oh...OK I guess. But can you please come home now?"
"Yes, baby I'm on my way."
Peyton hung up her phone and leaned back to Lucas. "I have to go," she told him between kisses.
Lucas pouted and sat up in the bed. "OK." Though what he really wanted to say was, I wish you could sleepover. "Let me drive you home."
As Lucas waited in the hallway, Peyton quickly changed back into her dress, giving him his shirt. He drove her home, and when he pulled up in front of the house, he looked at her and said, "I think I'm gonna sleep well tonight." He grabbed her hand, letting her fingers graze against his own.
"I hope so," Peyton said. She unclipped her seatbelt and leaned over to kiss Lucas on the cheek. "Bye," she whispered, hints of her Southern lilt filtering through her lips.
"Sleep well," Lucas said. He watched her walk towards their home, and waited until she was inside the house until he drove to his auto shop.
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When we left Jesse's restaurant, we hit an abnormal amount of traffic because of construction, and I got home at around 3:00 in the morning. Jamie was snoring, but my mom was nowhere to be found. I busied myself by changing into my pajamas and pouring myself a glass of water. Eventually I settled in my mom's room, my hands clutching my father's Christmas letter. I unfolded it carefully and smoothed it out on the duvet cover.
Dear Ella, December 23rd, 2026
I can't begin to explain how much your letter helped me. I almost lost all hope, with how I acted, and everything that I'd done...the guilt from hurting you drove me away, pumpkin pie. I know that might not be a good enough answer to your question...i promise you, I'm going to work on it. I know I owe you and your mother an explanation for all that I've done. I want you to know how sorry I am, and how thankful I am to have you in my life. I know I'm in therapy to help myself, but a part of me feels like you got me here. I hope that's OK to say.
I met my therapist–her name is Charna and we had a great first session. We gel really well. I'm looking forward to working with her. I think we have great chemistry, and I think she can help me. I was really nervous, but Aunt Haley was there and that was a blessing for me at the time. If your mother had been there, it would've been an even greater blessing.
I know I've made this Holiday season even harder on you and your mom. I'm so sorry for that, baby girl. But I'm gonna try with everything I have to get better. I want to get better, so I can be the dad that you deserve. I love you, you know. I love you more than life itself.
Merry Chiristmas,
Dad
My stomach swirled at reading my father's words, and they made me just as nervous as they did the first time I read them. It'd been about two weeks since I got the letter, and figured it was time for a reply–I kinda liked the whole "write a letter and make him find it," thing. I was reading the letter a second time when I heard familiar footsteps coming up the stairs. I quickly folded the letter and shoved it under the pillow on Mom's bed.
"Baby, I'm sorry," Mom said as she walked into the bedroom, looking as amazing as ever in that green dress.
"Mom, it's so late," I said, my legs swinging off the bed. "Even Jamie was home before you. Where you been?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows.
I saw Mom blush from miles away. "I was...out with your dad," she said. "What?"
"Why're you blushing?" I asked with a smile.
"I'm not blushing," Mom said, and she turned to go into her closet for her pajamas. She peeled off her green dress carefully and stood in her bra and panties, her back to me.
I rolled my eyes, turning away as Mom slipped on her black nightie. "Yeah. OK. Do I want to know what you guys were up to?"
"I'm not having this conversation with you," Mom said, crawling into the bed next to me.
"...What does that mean?" I asked, ignoring the semi-excitement in my voice. "Did you and Dad–"
"OK," Mom said, holding out her hand. "Don't finish that sentence."
I raised my eyebrows. "Well. Shows what you've thought about."
Mom stared at me and poked me playfully in the side, causing me to double over in laughter. "Don't be such a smartass," Mom said, taking my hand. I edged closer to her, laying my head on her chest.
"Don't be embarrassed," I shot back. "He is your husband."
Mom was quiet, and I couldn't tell if what I said hurt her in any way. We both stared at the spinning ceiling fan above our heads. I couldn't help but think, Dad was the man my mother loved with all her heart–but he also harbored the most potential to break her heart, like he'd already done. So, if they HAD done something tonight...maybe Mom was afraid of it. Afraid of how he made her feel.
"What're you thinking about?" Mom asked me quietly.
I began to breathe heavily, as Mom's hands on my back were lulling me to sleep. "I love you, Mama."
"I love you too, my baby girl," she said. "Let's sleep late tomorrow, huh?"
I snuggled closer to my mother till I was resting in her arms, where I had always felt safest. "Yes please."
x-x-x-EGS-x-x-x
January 12th, 2027
At the end of Biology, I walked into the hallway to find my boyfriend waiting for me. I rested my crutches by the wall so I could lunge into his arms. He laughed, lifting me slightly off the ground. I kissed him, not caring that there were people around. "Happy Birthday!" I said, kissing him again.
"Thank you," he said, brushing a strand of hair away from my face.
"I was gonna get you balloons and tie them to your wrist. Too much?" I said, as we walked stride and stride to lunch. I wanted so badly for his arm to be around me, but my crutches got in the way, again.
Adrian laughed, and then stopped short when he saw Debbie in front of us. Holding balloons.
"Happy BIRTHDAY, friend!" Debbie said, a delightful smile on her face. She bowed and proceeded to tie the balloons to Adrian's wrist. "Excellent!"
"Thank you, Debbie," Adrian said, trying to keep a straight face. "These are...awesome."
"I knew you'd like them," Debbie said, giving Adrian a pat on the shoulder. "Let me know what you guys are doing tonight!" With that, Debbie was off, disappearing as fast as she appeared.
"Speaking of which, what are we doing tonight?" Adrian asked, his voice taking on a sultry tone.
"It's your birthday, babe. What do you wanna do?"
"I can think of a couple things," Adrian said, and I watched his eyes darken a shade.
For a second I forgot I was in a crowded hallway. "Oh yeah?"
"Oh yeah," Adrian said, laughing when I pushed him. "Gummy?" Adrian turned to look over his shoulder.
"What?"
"Can you please take these off," he pleaded, and I laughed as he motioned to me with his wrist. With great concentration, I untied the balloons from Adrian's wrist, tying them to the front of his locker instead. We headed to lunch, sitting at our usual spot in the cafeteria. Meanwhile, I thought of my plans for Adrian later–all a carefully planned surprise.
"Happy Birthday, my man!" Came Jon's voice, as he clapped Adrian on the shoulder. Here's a song for the both of you..." Jon positioned his cell phone on the cafeteria table, and clicked play.
It's your birthday so I know you want to ride out...
Adrian busted out laughing and my cheeks burned red. "Oh my God, Jon," I said, shaking my head at him.
Jon held out his arms. "What? It's his birthday. Right, Adrian?"
"Get outta here, Jon," Adrian said, motioning with his chin. "Your efforts are appreciated."
"Of course they are," Jon said. "See you." Jon turned around with a click of his fingers. "Yo, Ella, do you think you can help me–"
"Yes," I said. "Tomorrow 4pm sharp."
"Thanks again," Jon said, before making his way across the cafeteria.
I undid my brown paper bag and started to take out my lunch. Adrian nudged my shoulder. "Debbie likes Jon."
My jaw dropped. "She does?!"
"That's what she hints at in Photography class."
"Awe," I said. "They'd be so cute together!"
"Yeah," Adrian said. He turned to me, taking my hand. "You're not uncomfortable with what Jon insinuated, are you?"
"Oh..." I said, my cheeks flushing red. I had yet to tell Adrian, but for some reason I couldn't stop thinking about Utah, and that out-of-place feeling returned. "It..."
"Ella," Adrian said. "It was just a joke. It doesn't mean anything. We don't have to do anything just because it's my birthday."
"OK, you're not for real," I said, without thinking.
"What's that mean?" Adrian asked, furrowing his brows. "...I meant what I said."
"You still wanna be with me," I said, my voice quiet. "Don't you?"
"Of course. I just don't want you to feel pressured to do anything you don't wanna do."
"I know but...ugh, I don't even know what I'm saying."
Adrian brushed hair away from my face. "I would be lying if I said I didn't want to be close to you on my birthday...but it doesn't mean we have to do anything at all."
"Yes it does," I said, suddenly so angry at myself for having my irrational concerns about what happened in Utah.
"Ella, you don't have to compromise yourself because of some preconceived notion that we have to have sex on my birthday. It's stupid. All that matters is me being with you. That's all I really want."
I looked at him and wanted to cry. "Where'd you come from?"
Adrian chuckled, running his thumb over my knuckles. "I could ask the same of you."
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"So," Charna said, sitting in the same chair with that same steno pad on her lap. "How are you?"
Lucas chuckled, sitting on the white couch with the Buddhist statue behind his shoulder. "I'm..."
"You have a big smile on your face," Charna said, smiling herself. "What's that about?"
"My wife and I... we spent some time together a few nights ago."
"Oh yeah? What'd you guys do?"
"We..." Lucas looked down and looked back up. He then began to explain everything, how he met up with Peyton at the RiverCourt, and they migrated to Dan's old beach house, and it was there that they began to reconnect–physically and emotionally.
"Wow," Charna said. "That's a lot. How were you feeling during your time with Peyton?"
Lucas shook his head, blowing out hot breaths of air. "It was a million things at once. I mean, I was elated obviously, but I was also...petrified."
Charna nodded. "Why is that?"
Lucas shrugged. "I didn't want–I don't want–to hurt her... I didn't want her to feel like I was taking advantage of her, and I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable because of what I've done."
"And was she? Uncomfortable?"
Lucas thought about it for a second. "She didn't seem it. I mean, she let me hold her and kiss her. I think I needed it–to be close to her. ...Maybe because I needed to know if there was still an "us." I was terrified. I thought she'd run or...not open herself to me. I think that would've been the worst of all."
Charna nodded. "But she did. She did open herself up to you. She cried in your arms."
Lucas breathed deeply, running a hand over his mouth. "Yeah, she did. It tore me up."
"Yeah," Charna said sadly. "How could it not, when you care so deeply about each other."
"When she changed out of her dress, she made me wait in the hallway. She was too nervous, or mistrusting to change in front of me. I mean, I've seen her...plenty of times," Lucas finished. "I think I know why...after the miscarriage...I mean she probably has issues with her body-image. Maybe because we weren't...we weren't having sex. She might've thought she wasn't attractive or that I didn't find her attractive." Lucas took a breath and looked down at the floor. "Which is crazy...she's beautiful."
"Like I said, often with miscarriages the woman has a hard time connecting...because she feels guilt, or blame–"
"She said that," Lucas said. "She said she blamed herself. It just kills me."
"Hm," Charna said. "Maybe that's how Peyton feels when you blame yourself for Ryan's death," she suggested gently.
Lucas was hit with something blind, right in the chest. "Yeah."
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After school, I asked Adrian to walk me home, and we filled the silence with mostly light conversation. "So...my mom and dad spent some time together the other night."
"Oh, really? Are we happy about that?"
"I don't really know what to feel," I answered. "A part of me says that it's my mom's business, you know? But then the other part says that she should be careful...since he hurt her so bad."
"I bet you she was thinking that the entire time they were together," Adrian said, stopping at a cross walk.
"...Do you think they were...together?"
Adrian watched me carefully. "I don't know," he said. "Do you?"
"Maybe," I answered. "But I wouldn't dare ask her. Could you imagine me inquiring about my own mom's sex life."
Adrian shuddered. "Ugh."
"But what does it mean? If they were...does that mean he'd be moving back home?!"
The cross walk went green, and Adrian and I carefully crossed the street. "That might be a question you can ask her." We crossed the street, and instead of taking a left like we normally do, we continued straight. "...Where are we going? The house is that way."
"It's a surprise," I said, smiling at him. "Although you're gonna figure it out in a second."
Adrian furrowed his brows, and I merely looked at the corner. Adrian followed my gaze, and his face lit up like he was a little kid again. "Rock climbing?!"
"Don't get so thrilled, baby," I joked, laughing.
"I love climbing."
"I know."
We quickened our steps to the rock climbing gym. "You're gonna climb with me, right?!" Adrian asked, opening the front doors.
"I'm gonna try," I said. If my mom even knew I was going to climb up a wall after my skiing accident, she'd have a fit.
"You can do it," Adrian assured me. I remember right after I first met him, he told me all about his rock climbing sessions with his best friend in San Francisco. "It's easy." We rented out shoes and got suited up. "Hey, Bobby!" Adrian ran over to a tall ginger who was writing on a clipboard. I couldn't hear their conversation, but I knew it had something to do with me.
"Not a problem," Bobby said, and then introduced himself. "After a brief training session, we'll start you off easy," he said to me, motioning to a far rock climbing wall. "Nothing too complicated."
I started to get nervous, but I didn't want Adrian to see. "OK."
I was led to the wall, and looked up. "Ella," Adrian called, and he was parallel to me. "You can do this."
"If you fall, I'll be here," Bobby said, holding onto the rope that could save my life.
Oh, shit. "OK."
Bobby nodded at the both of us. "Go ahead."
Jesus. I swallowed hard, and put my hand on the wall. Trying to pretend I was just climbing a ladder, I placed my other hand and pulled up.
"Babe, you're doing it! I told you!" Adrian called, and I could tell he was trying to match my pace.
"Please don't fall, please don't fall," I muttered under my breath, the harness digging into my skin. But, as I got higher and higher, I began to feel lighter. My legs were behaving and following commands, and I was sure not to stretch my muscles with much duress.
I didn't even notice Adrian, obviously more experienced, had climbed sideways to be next to me. "Hey," he said. "You're a natural."
"Yeah right," I said, and in the middle of it all, Adrian leaned over to kiss me.
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"I want to...I want to approach her," Lucas said, rubbing his hands together. "I don't want that night to be our only night. I want...I want all the nights. But I don't know how to...go up to her."
"Well, why don't we work on that?" Charna suggested, writing something down on her steno pad. "You went up to her about going to the beach house, and that worked, right?"
"Yeah," Lucas agreed. "I guess."
"What do you think made it so successful?"
"I...I was considerate...and polite. And unassuming."
"OK," Charna said, smiling. "There you go."
Lucas scratched the back of his neck. "And maybe because she wanted to be with me. Otherwise she wouldn't of–"
"Said yes," Charna finished. "So, next time you approach your wife...be considerate, polite, and unassuming. I do think you need to talk to her about what happened at the beach house–otherwise there is the danger of it just becoming a one night thing. You want to let her know how much it meant to you, right?"
"And how much I miss her," Lucas admitted.
"There's nothing wrong with telling your wife that," Charna said gently.
"What if I scare her off?"
"Based on the conversations you had at the beach house, I doubt that will happen," Charna said. "And if it does, you give her space and then try again."
"So, if I felt like going to talk to her today...you think I should?"
"Absolutely."
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When Andre pulled up to the RiverCourt, Lily could only smile. Of course he'd take her to his home away from home. As Lily got out of the car, Andre took a basketball out of his trunk.
"Of course," Lily said, stepping to the middle of the tarmac.
"What?" Andre laughed, bouncing the basketball with ease. "You never know." He threw the basketball and Lily caught it in her hands. "Play me."
Lily laughed. "Yeah right."
"Don't gimme that. I know you have a little something something," Andre said, smiling when Lily blushed. "Look who your brother is, and Jamie. Don't tell me that skill isn't genetic."
Lily hung her head back and sighed. "You seriously want me to play you?"
"Yes," Andre said, walking up to her and bending his knees, his signature stance on the court. "Right now."
"So demanding," Lily teased, going to mimic Andre's stance, but not before removing her boots. The two began to play, Andre making the first basket...but Lily making plenty more.
"I knew it!" Andre laughed, right as he failed to block Lily's three-pointer. "I knew you were good! You little..." Andre got closer to her and slapped the ball out of her hands.
"Hey!" Lily laughed.
"Come here," Andre said, and he put his hand on her lower back, his hand tingling at the feel of her smooth, soft skin. He watched as Lily tensed, but only for a second, soon relaxing at his touch. Her hands had found his chest, and Andre could feel her palms through his shirt. "For years, you've been my good friend. But...you wanna know how I see you now?" he asked, his voice so quiet it was almost carried away by the wind.
Lily nodded, the words getting stuck in her throat.
Andre leaned in gently and did what he'd wanted to do for so long: he kissed her, her lips feeling as amazing as he'd imagined. Soon he pulled away, just to look at her and see what she was thinking.
Not even a second later, she was kissing him back. She moved her hands to clasp around his neck, and Andre moved so both his hands wrapped around her slender waist. He pulled her impossibly close, their hips grinding together. He tried to calm his rapid heart. He was kissing Lily. The gorgeous, caring, funny Lily was in his arms. There was no way in hell he was gonna let go.
Andre blindly led her a few steps back to his car, leaning her against the driver's side. "You OK?" was what he asked, his lips against her neck.
"Mhm," Lily said, so flustered she could barely speak. She was kissing Andre. Andre Fields. She found his lips and kissed him hard, moaning when he dug his nails into her back.
"Fuck, you're beautiful," Andre whispered in her ear, and he felt her body tense. He moved a strand of hair away from her face, kissing her softly this time. "I've wanted this for so long."
Lily's heart was beating so fast she thought she'd collapse. "Really?"
"You have no idea," was his answer. In the darkness they found each other, arms wrapped up and coiled around the other person. "Do you want me?"
For the first time, Andre's eyes were soft and vulnerable. "Andre, you have me pressed against your car," Lily ran her hand down his neck. "...Of course I do."
Andre smiled, his shoulders relaxed. He brought a finger under Lily's chin and kissed her. The two only broke apart from their deep embrace when they heard a befuddled, but familiar, voice.
"Uh...you guys?"
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Lucas approached Peyton's office at RBR with confidence in his step. He pulled open the door to find Chris Keller and Peyton laughing over something or other. Seeing Keller really made Lucas want to punch him in the face, but he remembered Charna's advice.
"Peyton," Lucas called, and Peyton looked up from her work. Lucas swore he saw something in her eyes. "Hi."
"Hey," Peyton said, putting her binder down. Chris shoved his hands in his pockets.
"I'll just be...in the booth," Chris said, backing away from the couple.
Lucas ignored him. "Can we talk?"
"...Sure," Peyton agreed, and together they walked out of the office, Chris watching their every move.
It was the middle of the day, so TRIC was pretty much empty. Lucas led his wife to a couch not too far away from the bar. "So..."
"How are you?" Peyton asked, her hand dangerously close to his.
"I had a session today," Lucas said. "And...you know, the other night...I slept, Peyton. I slept for a full eight hours. No nightmares."
"That's great, Luke," Peyton said. Lucas shut his eyes at the way she said his nickname.
"It was because of you," Lucas said. "I...I think about you all the time," he said, his voice quiet.
Peyton let out a breath. "I think about you, too," she finally said.
"You do?" Lucas whispered.
Peyton nodded. She watched as Lucas took her hand and kissed it. "Peyt..." he said, shaking his head. "The other night...I want it again. I want to be close to you, I want to be there for you...not like Nathan or Jullian...I want to be your husband again. I want to be Ella's dad...I want it all."
"Luke..."
"I mean we're...we're working on things, aren't we?"
"We are, but...it's hard for me to just..."
"Just what?" Lucas asked gently. "To let me in? You didn't have such a hard time at the beach house." Peyton shook her head, and Lucas regretted his words. "Look, Peyton...that night was amazing. There's no reason we can't have more. You let me in. You sobbed in my arms. We...we're working on this. We can get it back. You just...you just have to let go. I'll be right here. Please!"
Peyton bit her lip, but the tears came anyway. "I'm scared," she said.
"Me too," Lucas said, and he edged closer to his wife. "Like I said, we'll go slow. As slow as you want..." Lucas searched her eyes. "I promise." Gently, and slowly, Lucas wrapped his wife in a hug. "I promise." Lucas breathed through his wife leaking tears onto his shirt.
"I want all the same things that you want," she finally said. "And I want them with you."
In a moment of intensity at those words, the very words she spoke to him when they were 16, Lucas leaned in and kissed his wife with all the passion he was feeling. Soon she wrapped her arms around him. "I love you," Lucas said against her lips, his hand on her cheek.
"I love you, too," Peyton said. It was there, holding onto her husband, that Peyton finally let go. "I want that night again."
"Yeah?"
Peyton nodded. "I missed your hands on me," was what she said, her words tickling his ear.
"Me too," Lucas breathed, running his hands over her back, on all her stress points. Surely working with Chris Keller didn't help. He kissed her hands again, and a question was forming at the tip of his tongue. Just ask her. But, knowing it was too soon, Lucas kept his mouth shut. "Is your day going OK?"
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"Movie night at Cape Fear park?" Adrian asked, reading the sign. We'd spent so much time at the rock climbing gym that it was already early evening. I'd led my boyfriend to Cape Fear Park, where they were showing a movie on a huge projector screen. Plenty of people had already gathered, setting blankets on the grass. "What movie are we seeing?!"
"It may or may not be James Bond," I hinted, watching as Adrian's smile got even bigger. "Come on."
We picked out a perfect spot in front of the screen where I took my backpack off and began taking out some of Adrian's favorite snacks.
"Baby...this is amazing," Adrian said. "Thank you."
Adrian's thank you gave me goosebumps. "You're welcome." I stuck a Gummy worm in his mouth, watching as he chewed it. I took off my shoes, and he brought me to lay down next to him. He brought his arm around me, and I cuddled to his chest. "Thanks for making me climb today," I said quietly. "It was like I didn't have CP for a second."
Adrian ran a thumb over my forehead. "I never see you for your CP. You shouldn't see you for that either."
"It's hard sometimes," and my voice broke, surprising me.
"I know," Adrian said, leaning down to kiss me gently. "I still think you're amazing."
The words almost left my lips. I love you. If they didn't petrify me so much I would've told him.
Instead, I ran my hand down his cheek. "Have you met you?!"
Adrian laughed, and he pulled me up from lying down. "I know a perfect way to watch Goldfinger." As I sat up, he put a hand on my back to steady me. He put either leg on either side of me and whispered, "Lean back."
I leaned against his chest, and that's how he held me up. He wrapped his arms around my stomach, and I put my hands atop his. "I think I like this," Adrian whispered in my ear.
"I have a cupcake for you," I said, right as the movie began.
"Yeah? I love cupcakes. Vanilla frosting?"
"Mhm," I answered. "I'll let you lick it off my finger." I turned to see Adrian let out a breath.
"Woman...you fucking kill me," he whispered gruffly, and all I could do was laugh, happy to be with the best guy I could have ever wished for.
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When Haley opened her front door, she certainly didn't expect this visitor. "Luke," she said, a smile on her face. "What're you doing here? You OK?"
"Yeah," Lucas answered. "I'm fine, I'm fine. Can I come in?"
"Oh, of course," Haley waved him in with her hand, and Lucas leaned in to kiss her cheek. "What's up?"
"OK." Lucas clapped his hands together. "So you know how Peyton and I are...working on things?"
Lately, no words had made Haley happier. "I didn't know that's what you were calling it, but yes. I do know."
"Well...we had a really great night. We didn't do anything, but we were close to each other, you know? And I was thinking...if I'm the one that's constantly saying, 'we should work on this,' or, 'I want to be better,' then I should just be better."
"Right. I agree," Haley said, trying to hide her huge smile.
"This might sound a little foolish...I want to ask Peyton out on a date," he released in one breath. "Is it too soon?"
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After the film, we walked back to Adrian's house to celebrate with cake, homemade by Jesse. So, Jesse and Nicky were there, but Rebecca was not–she was working late. We sang Happy Birthday, and I was overjoyed with Adrian's smile and laughter. He and Nicky blew out the candles together.
When Adrian was walking me back home, the night was breezy and calm. We took the Main St. route, and when we rounded the corner, my jaw dropped, and I was frozen for a second.
"Um..." I said, and I spun around.
"What?"
"Nothing. Let's go another way." I grabbed Adrian's shirt, and he put a hand on my wrist.
"Why?"
"Because," I shrugged, but Adrian moved around me, and it was too late. Just as I had, Adrian saw his mother, deeply kissing a man who certainly wasn't Jesse.
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