Chapter Forty-Seven:

The four adults sat down in the conference room and Matt closed the door. He sat down and looked at them all.

"She is stable for the moment," Matt began and all four adults breathed a sigh of relief. "But we feel Natalie is in the beginning stages of acute rejection of the kidney," he began.

Brittany felt her tears fall as she listened. Tommy took her hand and held it.

"We took a biopsy of the kidney to confirm, and we are starting her on meds to stop any further rejection. We can stop this and I think we will."

"But? I can tell there is something more," Patrick said.

"But her system has been put through a tremendous amount of stress. The scar tissue around the kidney and pancreas was impeding the blood flow and we were able to remove a lot of it, but her blood pressure wasn't stable. She flat lined twice and I worry a lot about her ability to fight back from this. Her diabetes also makes treatment a little more precarious and it adds another element of stress to her system. She is in a drug induced coma and I want to keep her that way for 24 hours to give her body a chance to begin to heal."

Matt looked at Tommy and Brittany and sighed.

"Can I ask what the circumstances were around Natalie's birth? Do you know the specific treatments she was given? Normally it wouldn't matter, but the way her system is reacting to specific treatments leads me to believe their might be some genetic blood abnormality or a birth defect that was never fully detected. Was their trauma during the pregnancy?"

Tommy and Patrick glanced at each other and Brittany put her head in her hands.

"I don't know. Was there?" she tearfully asked Patrick and Tommy.

Tommy felt his eyes fill with tears as he struggled with how to tell Matt what he wanted to know.

"Natalie was born 3 months early with only a tiny piece of one kidney. She developed diabetes when she was two," he said, purposefully evading part of the question. "I donated a portion of my liver and two bile ducts when she was six months old."

Matt looked at Brittany and spoke to her.

"Did you take any drugs while you were pregnant? Were you given anything that may have caused damage?"

"Oh, God," Brittany looked at Tommy. "This is my fault? I did this to her?"

"No, Red, he doesn't know what he's saying," Tommy said as Brittany stood up and ran out of the room. Tommy took off after her.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Patrick angrily asked Matt.

"Nothing is wrong with me. I'm trying to save a little girl who is beyond critical. I don't have time to be sensitive. If her mother did something while pregnant and it will help me to treat Natalie, then get the hell over it. My only concern is that little girl."

Patrick was fuming, but he couldn't help but see much of himself in Matt. It irritated him as well as made his heart race. Shaking his head, he saw Robin had her head in her hands.

"Hey, are you okay?"

She nodded and looked at them.

"Brittany will never forgive herself for this. It won't matter what we say, because she doesn't remember what happened. This will eat at her and she has just been rescued after being held prisoner for a year," she looked at Patrick and her tears spilled over her cheeks. "Her HIV will always be the biggest worry. The meds she had to take while pregnant, although safer than the alternative, are not completely without warnings."

He knew she was thinking about more than Brittany. She saw herself in every part of this and it broke his heart that she worried.

"Robin, Brittany did everything right when she was pregnant. Sometimes things just happen," he said and pulled her to him.

"She was held prisoner? She is HIV positive?" Matt said and Robin and Patrick realized he had no idea.

Patrick faced him and kept one arm around Robin.

"You have no idea what she has endured. She almost died while she was pregnant. She was poisoned and on life support and Tommy pulled the plug, hoping she would survive and fight her way back. She did and it was a miracle. It was only a month later that we found out she was pregnant. She fought tooth and nail to carry Natalie as long as possible and she suffered endlessly to make sure her baby was safe. You were way out of line."

Matt felt badly, but his job was to get all of the information he could.

"I have an obligation to my patient and I need to fulfill that. I'm sorry if it was harsh." He stood up and looked at Robin.

"You should all go home. Natalie will be unconscious until tomorrow at the earliest. If you see Tom and Brittany, please tell them to take this time and go home."

Robin nodded and Matt walked out.

"They won't leave," Patrick said, still reeling from the similarities between him and Matt.

"I think we should set up my office for them to spend the night. My couch opens up and that way they can be close to Nat."

"I think that's a great idea. Let's go get it ready and I'll text Tommy to take her there. Maybe we can grab them some food and clothes from the lounge?"

Robin nodded and took his hand. It was something, and they both just had to do something.

Tommy followed Brittany into an empty exam room and was pacing feverishly. He closed the door and faced her.

"I didn't mean to do anything," Brittany said as her tears fell. Her hands were shaking and she was pleading with Tommy. "What did I do to her? What don't I remember? Did I cause her such pain?"

He pulled her into his arms and sank to the ground with her. He felt her body wracked with sobs and he knew it was about so much more than what Matt had just said. He held his wife and his own tears fell as he tried to soothe her.

"You are the best mother, my love. You have never done anything but love and adore our daughter. You did nothing to harm her," he murmured and she settled down in his arms.

"I'm sorry Tommy. I think it would have been better if I died," she said with a hopeless air. "What is this doing to you? To Natalie?"

He held her face in his hands and looked into her eyes.

"Never say that. Never think that. You are my whole world and it's the most amazing miracle that you're here. Natalie is a fighter and she gets that from you. You are the epitome of strength and courage and you are the love of my life," his chin quivered as he ran his hands down her arm.

He smoothed her hair back and she shook her head.

"I don't feel that way. I don't feel strong or courageous. I feel like I lost everything, so much time and so much love. I'll never get that time back, Tommy. I'll never get those memories back. I won't be able to watch our daughter turn ten or eleven. I missed so many nights of holding you and loving you. I've missed your hands on my heart," her voice caught as she spoke and the anguish was palpable. "I'm so angry and I don't understand any of this."

"It's okay. You're home and we're here and we're going to start those memories today. Natalie is going to make it and we are going to give her the best life possible. I will hold you every night and we will love each other until we're weak in the knees."

She reached her long fingers to his cheek and stroked his face.

"I need to know what happened to me, Tommy. I need to know it all."

"I know, and we'll find the answers. Will you just let me take care of you tonight? Will you let me help you? I just need to hold you. I just need you," he choked back his sobs.

"I would like that. I remember that, you know," she wiped her eyes. "Your touch. I remembered how you made me feel safe and loved and I felt like you were my home," her tears continued as she looked at him. "I was so afraid I was remembering the wrong thing. I worried you moved on. I didn't want you to be sad, but I couldn't imagine another woman touching your heart," she put her hand on his chest. "You have a thing about people touching your chest, don't you? I think I remember that."

He nodded, overcome.

"I never let anyone touch me there. My chest was too close to my heart. My mom always lay with her head on my dad's chest. We would watch television and she would rest against him. My dad would lazily run his hand through her hair and I would watch. It was a sign of something personal and deep. It was family. I think I never felt like I wanted to allow that connection, until I met you," he stood up and pulled her up with him. "Your hands are the only ones to touch my chest. You have my heart."

She looked into his eyes and smiled through her tears.

"My love," she said and pulled him to her for a kiss.

He held her and kissed her passionately before he stood back and saw her wobble a little. He helped to the chair and checked the text he felt from his phone.

"We should go relax. Patrick and Robin set up her office for us to spend the night."

I want to sit with Natalie first."

He smiled.

"You read my mind."

They walked to see their daughter and then they would see each other, to find comfort and to heal.

Chapter Forty-Eight:

"He's still an asshole," Patrick said as he and Robin walked into her apartment. "Who talks to parents like that?"

Robin sat down and sighed.

"He is just doing his job. He needs all of the information to help his patient."

"Well Brittany is already blaming herself for not being here and not remembering everything. She worried all through the pregnancy about her HIV and about having possibly infected her husband. Matt brought everything to the surface and he's an ass."

"Oh God, did she think she infected Tommy?" Robin felt her heart race. It was a thought that she always wondered about. "Was her pregnancy an accident? Did he have to go on antiretrovirals?"

Patrick could have kicked himself.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just throw all of that out there. I wasn't thinking."

"Can you tell me what happened? Why are you sorry? I asked you a question," she demanded. "Don't treat me with kid gloves."

"I'm not, but I didn't mean for you to worry. I shouldn't have said anything about it."

"Because I'm HIV positive, too? You don't have to censor yourself around me, Patrick, and it's fine if you don't want to tell me. I know how close you are to Tommy and Brittany, and I get it, but Matt is my family, and you could think about things from the perspective of a doctor. You would do all you could for your patient, and as much of a jerk as you might think Matt was, he is the best at what he does."

"I know," he went to sit with her and she stood up.

"I'm going to lie down. Help yourself to whatever you need," she crossed her arms and walked to her bedroom.

"Robin, wait. I don't want to fight," he said softly.

"Well, not everything is about what you want," she wiped her eyes and walked into her room.

"Shit!" he sat back and rubbed his face. He stood up and walked to the bedroom, seeing her sitting on the floor, her back against the bed and her head in her hands, her hair flowing around her fingers.

"Robin? What is it? What's wrong?" he raced to her side and sat down slowly.

"Nothing," she said through her tears. "I'm okay."

"Does your head hurt?"

She didn't answer and he touched her hand, causing her to look up.

"Did you hear me?"

Her eyes opened wide and she nodded.

"I can hear you, it just sounds quieter, like you're far away," she wiped her eyes with her fingers. "Do you think I'm going to lose my hearing again?"

"I think you are stressed beyond your limit and I have done nothing but add to it. You have spent every minute taking care of me and my family and your body is responding to that. We can check you out tomorrow, but I really wish you would just let me take care of you tonight."

She reached over and hugged him, burying her face in his chest and finally allowing her tears to flow. He pulled her to him and rested his cheek against her head.

"I'm sorry. It's going to be okay," he said soothingly. "I love you and I'm here."

"I know," she said as she sat back. "I just don't like needing help. I don't want you to feel like you have to take care of me."

"What if I want to take care of you? Why is it wrong for you to need me?"

"It's not. I guess I'm just afraid that once I lean on you, I'll never be able to let go."

He smiled and leaned in to kiss her softly.

"I'm okay with that. I'm not looking to let you go."

"Okay," she smiled. "Thank you."

"Come on," he stood up and helped her up. "Let me hold you for a bit before we have dinner."

"I would love that," she said and they walked to the couch in the family room. He lay down and she lay in front of him, his arm draped over her.

"It wasn't a planned pregnancy, but Tommy was fine. Brittany worried about him because she had been through so much and she was afraid that being pregnant would cause her health to decline. Aside from being HIV positive, Brittany suffers from thrombocytopenia. She had a few acute episodes where she almost bled out. It was a huge strain on both of them, and because of her bleeding issues, she was very afraid that Natalie would be born too soon."

"She was, wasn't she?" Robin asked, playing with his fingers.

"Yes. They were told at her ultrasound that Natalie had no kidney development at all. They advised her to terminate the pregnancy and deliver her. They knew with no kidney function, she would only live a few hours at most."

"Oh my gosh," Robin felt her tears come again. "I can't imagine what that must have been like for them."

"It was horrible. Brittany wouldn't do it and Tommy was terrified he was about to lose both of them."

"So what happened?"

Patrick smiled.

"Natalie made the decision for them. Britt's water broke and she had to deliver. Nat was born and she had a tiny part of one kidney. She was three pounds and a fighter. We had her put on dialysis immediately and waited for a transplant."

"Wow. She has always been a fighter, hasn't she?"

"She has. She proved every doctor wrong and she will continue to do that, I know it."

Robin snored lightly and Patrick smiled. He closed his eyes and fell asleep with her.

"She's so beautiful, Tommy. You've done such an amazing job with her," Brittany said as she ran her fingers through her daughter's hair as they sat next to the bed.

He smiled as he held his little girl's hand.

"She did all the work. She helped me go on when I lost you," he looked at her. "She is just like you."

Brittany held her daughter's other hand and rubbed her palm.

"Tell me about her. What's she been like the last year? How is she doing in school? What's her favorite movie? Does she read a lot?"

Tommy smiled at his girls.

"She is incredibly smart, but she doesn't like math. It was a fight to get her to do her homework and Patrick and I thought she might need a tutor, but it turns out she was just bored. She started doing worksheets at an 8th grade level."

"I'm not surprised. You're a doctor and brilliant," she smiled.

"I can't take credit for that. She's always reading and looking for more work to do. She would come to work with us and I caught her reading a medical journal once. She said it kept her on her toes."

Brittany laughed.

"I can't wait to get to know her better."

Tommy could see her sadness and how much she felt left out.

"She sings, too."

"What? She does?"

He nodded.

"She plays the piano and she watched your DVD's almost every day. She tried to emulate everything you did. She missed you so much, Red, we both did."

"I missed you, too. I held your picture to me every day. It kept me company every minute and I ached to know how you were. I had so many holes in my memory, but you and Natalie were home to me. When it got bad, you were my safe place. I survived because I knew you were waiting for me."

She hadn't spoken about what happened yet, and he ached to know what she endured. He needed to help her. He wanted to help her.

"Can you tell me what they did to you? Did they hurt you?" he asked, his voice catching.

She looked at Natalie and kissed her forehead before she looked at him.

"I don't want her to hear. Do you think she can hear us?"

He nodded.

"Maybe. You're probably right. We should talk alone."

"Let's just sit with her a little longer? I just want her to know we're here. I just want her to feel our strength."

Tommy wiped his eyes and smiled.

"How can she not? You're her mom."

Brittany locked eyes with him and her love was evident.

"Thank you for loving me."

He reached across his daughter and held her hand in his.

"It's my greatest honor."