Chapter Twenty-Six: Newfound Determination

I was so completely devoid of any energy that I didn't even care that Tony was the only person in the bridge when I walked in. I just chose a random seat at the glass table and sat, resting my aching head in my hands. Everything around me was crumbling. This was nothing new for me- seemingly everything I touched died. That didn't make it any less… infuriating. Disheartening. Ruining.

"My dad talked about you a lot."

I moved just enough to see Tony at the edge of my vision, but his stony expression didn't reveal that he had said anything at all. I was almost sure I had imagined it- God knows my sanity was already teetering on the edge- but then he continued. "He talked about Steve too, but when it came to you? He didn't know when to shut up. Even with me and my mom around, finding you was always the most important thing to him. When I was little, I didn't understand it. What was so special about you? You were his friend, but he had plenty of those. I didn't finally get it until I was old enough to go through all the old documents. The news clippings, the official files."

He moved for the first time, to move his gaze from the window to meet mine. "For a long time I thought my dad was incapable of love. It wasn't until I read about his past that I understood he was. He just didn't know how to love anything more than you."

I never knew why Tony told me this. We never talked about it again. But whatever compelled him to bring it up was possibly the one last sliver of happiness, of relief, left in my life. "I'm sorry he wasn't the dad you deserved."

Tony nodded, turning back to the window. We didn't say anything after that, sitting in silence until we were joined by Steve- who had changed out of his uniform- and Fury.

Steve sat on my left, while Fury moved to stand on the opposite side of the table from the three of us. "These were in Phil Coulson's jacket. I guess he never did get you to sign them."

Fury tossed a handful of trading cards onto the table, and I noticed that a few of them were spattered with blood. The stuff had never bothered me before- I was a doctor during a war, I was pretty much forced to build a tolerance against it. But seeing it stamped on the cards that were pictures of me and Steve, smiling back during simpler times, was one of the most sickening sights I had ever laid my eyes on.

"We're dead in the air up here," Fury continued as Steve picked up one of the cards, flipping it over in his hands to reveal himself in his 'Man With A Plan' stage outfit. "Our communications, the location of the Cube, Banner, Thor. I got nothing for you. I lost my one good eye… Maybe I had that coming."

I looked up from the cards to make eye contact with the director, and he slowly made his way around the table. "Yes, we were going to build an arsenal with the Tesseract. I never put all my chips on that number, though, because I was playing something even riskier. There was an idea- Stark knows this- called the Avengers Initiative. The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people, to see if they could become something more. To see if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles that we never could. Phil Coulson died still believing in that idea. In heroes."

Tony abruptly pushed away from the table and out of his chair, storming out of the room. I understood how he felt. How could Fury even think to consider us heroes after everything we had done? Or better yet, after everything we had failed to do?

"Well," Fury sighed. "It's an old-fashioned notion."

When he was done talking, Fury stepped down from the upper level to talk with the agents who were left, all crowded around their computers and muttering strategies. I copied Steve's earlier action by picking up my own trading card, staring curiously at the woman looking back at me. She looked strong and confident, smirking unapologetically with her fists firm against her hips. "Who is this woman?" I asked quietly, waving the card slightly in front of me.

Steve chuckled, setting down his own card to join me looking at mine. "She was a force to reckon with back when I first met her. Dr. Joanne Moore, co-founder of Stark Industries. She was beautiful, confident, funny. Amazingly intelligent. She was who every woman wanted to be, and who every man wanted to marry. Personally, I always thought that her best trait was her ability to turn every situation into a joke, no matter how dire."

"She sounds terribly annoying," I grinned.

"Oh, she was." I smacked his arm, but he just chuckled again, subtly rubbing the spot I had hit. "No, she wasn't annoying. She was… just a little different, is all. In all the best ways."

I shook my head, returning the card to the pile. "You make her sound so great."

"She was. She is. You are," Steve clarified. "I don't know why it's so hard for you to see just how great you really are. Nobody judges you half as harshly as you judge yourself, Jo. We've all made mistakes. You can't keep blaming yourself for the ones you've made- especially the ones that weren't your fault."

I couldn't claim to completely agree, but I knew Steve had a point. While I still believed that nothing I involved myself so far had gone well, I knew that going in with a negative attitude couldn't possibly help the situation. I could never forget the past. I could never forget everything I had lost. But maybe I could try to find new things. I was in a new time, a new place, with new people.

"Maybe you're right." I sighed, standing from my seat with Steve following soon after. "I've made mistakes, there's no denying that. But there are more important things to worry about right now. Like finding Loki, and the Tesseract. I am sick and tired of that stupid little cube causing trouble for us, and I think it's about time we got rid of it for good. Wouldn't you agree?"

Steve nodded with a lop-sided grin. It was a smile I knew very well- one he wore when he thought he had just made a break-through. It still amazed me how positive he could be. "So, who's going to get Stark?"

"That one's on you." I held my hands up, stepping away from Steve and towards the med bay. "I may not completely hate Tony's guts, but he would probably rather talk to you than me. I'll grab Romanoff."

Using my disdain for Loki to fuel my newfound determination, I hurried off towards the room they were keeping Agent Barton in to recruit them for our little AWOL mission.

The door opened automatically when I walked in front of it, and I saw Natasha sitting on the otherwise empty bed. "Go time, Romanoff."

She stood from the bed, but kept her body facing towards the back of the room. "Where are we going?"

"That I do not know," I snapped my fingers and clicked my tongue. "But I do know who we're going after, and- surprise, surprise- it's guaranteed to be a party. Quick question: you wouldn't happen to know how to fly one of those nifty quinjets, would you?"

The door Natasha had been watching opened, and Barton walked out wiping his hands off on a towel. "I do."

Despite how I had been looking forward to meeting Barton prior to his being compromised, the fact remained that he had been compromised. I glanced at Natasha, and when she nodded I had all the assurance I needed that he was fine. She didn't seem the type of person to sugarcoat things. "Snazzy. You two suit up and meet me at the airstrip in five minutes. I'll explain the plan on the way."

After changing into my own uniform- nearly tripping over myself as I tried to rush out of the room while shoving my feet into the knee-high red boots, mind you- I caught up to Steve, Natasha and Clint as they were marching through leading to the jets. The four of us boarded the one closest to the exit, and a man who had been kneeling while working on one of the many computers inside of it stood in a weak attempt to stop us. "Hey, you guys aren't authorized to be-"

"Son," Steve cut him off. "Just don't."

"Break time, doll." I grabbed the man by his shoulders and pushed him out of the jet before hitting the button to close its doors. Once they were securely shut, I moved to the front of the jet to stand next to Steve, watching Clint switch all the power on to get us moving.

"Did you have to push him?" Steve asked, giving me a very clear look of disapproval.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I brought my hand up to my chest. "Next time we're in a hurry to save the world, I'll be sure to politely ask all bystanders to simply take their time getting out of the way."

Steve shrugged one shoulder, nodding. "Right. I take that back."

"You're damn right you take it back, kid."

"If you two are finished," Clint cut in, slipping his headgear on. "It's time to get airborne."

The majority of the ride over was silent, all of us thinking over our own strategies. Natasha checked and re-checked her bracelets that she had claimed were her main weapons. Clint focused on actually getting us to Stark Tower, which is where Steve said Loki was carrying out his master plan. I don't know how he and Tony figured that out, but I wasn't going to question them.

I sat with my back against the wall, wrapping the bandana from my suit tightly around my fingers and tugging on the ends of it. I still wasn't very comfortable with flying, despite repeating over and over in my head that this was completely different. We weren't going to crash. The past is over and done with, focus on the now. Don't think about it.

By the time we arrived in New York, it was very clear that we were too late to stop the invasion. The streets were filled with overturned cars, people were screaming and scrambling for their lives. Not to mention the Chitauri weaving their way through the buildings. If we couldn't stop the invasion, then our next option was to end it. Simple enough, right?

Natasha produced four tiny comm devices and distributed them among everyone in the jet. Once we were all equipped, she spoke into her own. "Stark, we're on your three, headed northeast."

"What, did you stop for drive-thru? Swing up Park, I'm gonna lay 'em out for you."

Sure enough, when we turned left on Park we saw dozens of the aliens chasing after Tony. Clint followed after them while Natasha manned the guns. We banked a hard right, swinging higher up into the air and taking out the Chitauri.

On our left was Stark Tower, and from the windows on the jet Steve and I could see Loki battling Thor on the balcony of the top floor. "Nat?" Steve called up the front.

"I see him."

When we turned to face him, Loki slammed the scepter into the side of Thor's head, knocking him to the ground before turning on us. Before we had the chance to move, he fired eerie blue energy at us- don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it- clipping our left wing.

We were going down, and fast. Don't think about it, don't think about it. Clint lost complete control over the jet, but somehow managed to get us away from any populated buildings as we dropped closer and closer to the ground.

Steve was clinging to a strap on the ceiling, and I had one hand around his arm with the other pressed against the wall. When we crashed, I flew forward and slammed my right side into the back of the pilot's seat. Clint and Natasha were already up and out of their chairs, and Steve gripped my elbow to help me back onto my feet. "You good?"

"You know me, Steve." I spotted my discarded bandana while stretching my arms out and snatched it off the floor, re-tying it in my hair. "Takes a lot more than a silly plane crash to scare me out of a fight."

Steve nodded, smiling that triumphant little lopsided grin, and gave my shoulder a quick pat. "Good to have you back, Jo."

"Good to be back, kid."