(Stephanie's Pov)
Lester and I walked up the wooden steps of the Mill. When we walked inside there was a large group of people surrounding an old man that had a long white beard and was dressed in over-hauls, he was telling the group how the Mill ground corn into Corn Meal. To the right of us the Mill was turned into a souvenir shop, Lester squeezed my hand causing me to look up at him.
"Why don't you go have a look around" he said and I nodded
I let go of Lester's hand and walked over to a tall spinning display of post cards. I picked a few of them off the display and thought I'd buy them as a remembrance of our trip. I got lost in my thoughts as I thought on the word remembrance, did I really want to look back at these cards months or years later and remember why I was in the South? Placing the cards back on the display, I looked over to see what Lester was doing.
I found Les in a corner standing at a bookcase behind some tables that had neatly folded colorful quilts stacked on them. He had a large book opened in his hands and was looking through it. I began to study Les and let my eyes start at his head. He had short black hair that was styled into spikes; his face was chiseled and had beautiful emerald green eyes. I moved down to his strong broad shoulders and hard muscled chest with washboard abs, He was strong, smart, funny, and sexy as hell, Lester Santos was a man with the whole package. I felt heat coming up my neck and flushing my face, I resisted the urge to fan myself with my hand. My heart began to race and the air around me grew thick and heavy, air I needed air.
I had no intentions of leaving the porch of the Mill when I went outside to cool down and clear my head, my mind was still racing when I got out there and I found myself walking down the steps. I didn't know where I was going only that I needed to get a grip on my thoughts, hearing voices coming from my left I looked over and saw some people walking up and down a small narrow trail that ran behind the Mill.
While I walked my mind just would not let up so I allowed myself to slip off into it. I thought about RangeMan and the guys sitting around shooting the breeze and laughing with them. My thoughts then shifted to Ranger and tears instantly pricked at my eyes, stopping for a minute to gather myself, I took a deep breath and moved on. The wind picked up and the air was cool since it was getting dark, I wrapped my arms around myself to keep warm even thought I was dressed in a sweat suit.
Ranger and I had been through a lot together over the years, and we loved each other I was sure of it. Before he was taken from me we had grown and were growing closer to each other. My mind took me to the last time I saw him, we made love and he told me that he loved me. Before he left he made me promise him that I would call Lester, I assured him that I would but instead of calling I went over there and asked Lester what was going on and what Ranger had told me. Lester and Tank tried to explain to me what his visit meant, but I wouldn't hear of it. They tried and tried over the next few weeks to get me to understand, but I was convinced they were wrong; Ranger was Batman he would be back. Ranger had left so many times before on dangerous missions and he had always come back why would this time be any different? No he would come back and I chastised then for not having faith in and believing in their boss and friend.
When Ranger left my heart felt like it was latterly ripped from my chest, I was so far gone that Bobby had to sedate me. When I woke up later, Lester crawled into bed with me and we cried and grieved together. Through his own personal hell and grief of loosing a family member both personally and professionally he was there, he was my rock. Lester has held me when I've cried, held me when I couldn't sleep, and encouraged me when all I wanted to do is hide in the cabin and dwell on what had happened to me. Lester's been through it all and if I really think about it he has helped give me a little bit of my life back by telling me to get up and go out. I don't want to betray Ranger, but I'm finding I want to be closer to Lester as well. When I'm in Lester's arms I feel so safe, warm, and secure all of life's problems disappear when I'm with him. Warmth spread all over me when I thought of the soft touches, his hands soothing me after a particular hard time, and the feelings of how I wanted him to go farther when we'd lay on the couch and watch TV.
"What do I do? Is it ok?" I cried out my question. I wasn't sure who I was asking, Was it Ranger or was it God? I really needed one of them to tell me the answer, was it ok to feel what I was feeling for Lester?
Seconds after I had made my request, I felt strong arms come around me and pull me back against them. I didn't have to turn around to know who it was he always knew when I needed him. I closed my eyes allowing his warmth to seep into me and felt the peace that was eluding me wash over me. Turning around in his arms, I laid my head onto his chest and wrapped my arms around him.
"I love you Lester"
"I love you too Beautiful"
(Lester's Pov)
When I wrapped my arms around Stephanie, I could feel the inner conflict that was going on inside her. It killed me to watch, but I felt there was nothing I should do even though I wanted to end the pain she was going through by bending down and telling her it was ok. I never said anything to her when my arms went around her and when she molded herself into me it was like peace had settled over us by the stillness that Steph showed. I just held her to give her the support and comfort that she needed, as long as she needed, I would hold her.
"I love you Lester" she said when she turned in my arms. I tried no to get too excited from her words because she had told me before that she had loved me and it was love but not that love she has when it was only meant for me.
"I love you too Beautiful" I told her and I meant it. I love her, I've been in love with her since day one, and I'd do anything for her and break my neck in trying to get to her when she needs us.
"Are you guy's part of the Hayride?" a woman asked walking up to us
"Yea" I answered
"They're loading up and asked me to go around and make sure no one was left behind"
"Oh ok thanks" I told her and looked down at Steph "you good?" I asked her
"Yea I'm good" she said. I held my hand out to her and Steph placed hers into mine. I firmly closed mine around hers and tugged her with me back to the Hayride.
We made it back to the wagon for the ride back to our cars. I jumped up into the wagon and helped Steph to do the same. We made our way back to where Steph had left the quilt and sat down.
"Everything ok?" I asked Steph as our tractor and wagon started to move
"Yea just everything got overwhelming" she said picking at some of the hay
"Come here" I said motioning for her to come closer
Stephanie scooted over and settled next to my side, I took the quilt that she had brought, opened it, and draped it around us. Steph smiled up at me and cuddled against me.
"Even with the Mill did you have a fun time?" I asked her lightly combing through her hair as her head lay under my chin
"Yes" she said her fingers rubbing over my abs. Steph lifted her head and looked at me, a curl had worked its way from her ponytail and was flapping around in the wind.
"You're so Beautiful" I told her placing the curl behind her ear. Steph and I just looked at each other; I couldn't take it anymore I was being drawn in. Leaning down I kissed her neck just under her ear, as I did I heard her take in a sharp breath and felt her hand come up and clamp down on the hand that was on the opposite shoulder from the one I kissed. When I came back up, Steph's eyes were closed and she was holding her breath.
"Breath" I told her in her ear and heard her exhale. Steph looked at me and her cheeks tinted pink, she laid her head back down on my chest as we finished the ride. The next time we stopped we were back where we started from.
"Time to go" I told Steph removing the quilt from around us
We followed the heard of people that were getting off the wagon and jumped off. I took Steph by the hand and guided us back over to our truck. It was a long wait to get back onto the main road but once we got there we were on our way back to the Chalet.
The hour we spent driving back to the cabin was spent in silence, each of us I suspected was pondering over the feelings that had came to the surface tonight. They had been there for a little bit, but on the Hayride they were somewhat faced. I liked the idea of moving forward with Steph, but I hated that it was causing her so much concern. You cant blame her at all she really was in love with my cousin and when we all thought everything was finally coming together for them he was ripped away in the blink of an eye, who could get over something like that and not struggle? I understand the struggle I do, I get it, but we that were left behind can't stop our lives even when it feels like that's all we should do. Tomorrow is gonna come and the world is gonna go on and do what it does everyday day after day. I know Ric would be honored by Stephs love, loyalty, and devotion but if he could come back and talk to her he would tell her that she needed to move on, that she can't just stop because he was gone. Looking over at her in the dark truck, I couldn't see her face to see what she was thinking, but her silence and stillness told me that she was in deep thought as well.
Around nine when I pulled into the cabins little gravel lot, neither Steph nor I made any movement to get out of the truck. Finally taking matters into my own hands, I slowly reached over letting her know I was still there for her and placed my hand over hers, rubbing the back of her hand with my thumb.
"Come on Beautiful we can't sit in the truck all night" I urged
"Yea I guess not" she said looking down at our hands and then to the cabin
Steph removed her hand from mine and grabbed the quilt that had been bunched up between us. When I saw she was preparing to get out of the truck, I grabbed the keys and opened my door, I was halfway around the front of the truck when Steph got out and shook the little bits of hay that had stuck to the quilt. I beeped the truck locked and started across the porch assuming that Steph was behind me. I unlocked the door and walked in, after a few minutes of fiddling around I noticed Stephanie had never came in. Walking back out, I found her sitting on the side of the hot tub running her hand through the water.
"Beautiful?" I asked but she kept watching her hand as it sliced through the water
"Steph you ok, whatcha doing?" I asked
"Thinking" she said
"Wanna talk, you know I'm here for you no matter what it is"
"It's too hard" she said getting up from the hot tub and going over to the banister that lined the porch. Steph planted her elbows onto the banister and let her arms lay over while looking out at the darkness.
I knew what was too hard to tell me. She was having feelings for me and if she admitted it she would have to face it and it would be hard for her not to escape since we were in a different state we knew nothing of and we were the only people staying in the cabin, so running wasn't an option. I never planned on adding to her frustration, but I thought maybe if I started by telling her something equally hard it may move us forward.
"Stephanie" I said ad right away saw her shoulders tighten "I'm falling in love with you" I told her and heard her gasp and saw her start to breath heavily.
"Steph?" I asked since she hadn't said anything " I didn't want to add to the stress and confusion your going through but if we don't take care of this its going to become awkward between us" I told her
"Steph" I said again after more silence "Stephanie talk to me" I demanded
Slowly Steph turned to face me and I saw tear marks down her cheeks, I felt like a heel for forcing the issue "I like you too" she quietly said
"What?" I asked as heavy sobs escaped her
"I like you too and I've tried not too because I love Ranger, but it keeps coming up and each time it does its getting stronger. I don't know what to do"
She might have not known what to do, but I knew what I wanted to do and I acted on it. I always wanted Steph to make the decision about us, but hearing her finally admit to her feelings for me I walked across the porch, roughly pulled her to me, and kissed her.
"STOP, I can't" Steph said pulling back and running by me. Before she got away I grabbed her by the wrist and stopped her.
"Steph wait"
"No we can't do this, its wrong what would they think?" she asked
"Steph honey it's not wrong and who are you so worried about?"
"Ranger and the Guys" she said and I stooped blinking at her
"Beautiful Ranger is gone" I said hating that I had to be harsh and remind her of this "Steph I know you love Ranger, but he is gone and he's not coming back. I do know though that he loved you also and he would not want you to sit around and stop your life. You are young, have needs and desires, and he would want you to move on with everything. Don't deny yourself"
"And the Guys? What would it look like me so in love with Ranger and come back only weeks of being gone kissing and shacking up with another man?"
"Man that hurts Steph, I thought you knew us better than that give us a little more credit huh. No one would say a thing about you being with me. They know what went down and know we came down here to get well and back on our feet. They would know that while down here grieving and sharing our pain together that we grew closer and like each other because of it"
Steph walked off and closed herself inside the cabin; I let out a frustrated breath and walked over to the banister Steph has left earlier.
"Happy now" I said up to the black starry sky "You asked me to be there for her and watch out for her and now I've fell in love with her, is this what you wanted?" I asked Ric knowing I wouldn't get and answer back
Frustrated I walked into the Chalet and started a fire to take the chill out of the house. Taking my shoes off, I tossed my shirt off and threw it into one of the corners of the room. Going into the kitchen I grabbed a beer, tossed the cap into the sink, and sat on the floor with my back up against the couch my thoughts on what to do now with Steph.
While sitting there sipping at my beer, I heard the bedroom door creek open and Steph walked out stopping to look at me. When I turned to look at her, I saw she was twisting the end of her Tennessee hoodie in nervousness.
"Beautiful" I said trying to ease any awkwardness by using the nick name I had given to her
I watched as Steph walked slowly over to me. She got down on her knees, straddled my legs, and looked at me. With her eyes glued to mine she took a hand and slowly brought it up to the zipper of her jacket. My eyes widened when I saw her begin to bring down the zipper and reveal her lacy bra to me. Looking over I thought I was drunk and imagining all of this, but when I saw my beer I realized I had only drank a half of one and it took a lot more than one beer to get me drunk so I knew I was sober.
"Please touch me" she said
"Steph?" I asked
"Please Lester" she said taking my hand and placing it on one of her breasts