Author's Note: First excuse: I was soooo busy this week, more than like…ever. Second excuse: (The odd one) My 'k' key doesn't really work lol, so it takes forever to type with it. Third: I'm writing four stories, and I have ideas for other ones. Basically, I tried soooo hard to get this up. I apologize for the wait. Hope you're not mad. :) Fourth: I had a little possible blood-clot scare, and then I practically made myself sick with worry, so I then had to sleep earlier than I thought I would. Anyway, here again. Forgive me, loves.

The train ride was quiet and somewhat awkward. Lily and Sirius avoided looking at each other, fearing that, if they did, James would be able to see what they were hiding…not that they felt guilty or anything, but they assumed James wouldn't see it their way.

Lily thought that the silence might have been even more suspicious, so she leaned into James, who was staring out the window in a bored way. James turned is attention to Lily, wrapping his arm around her more tightly.

"Why didn't Remus come?" she asked curiously.

"He's got his own family to go to," said James. James blinked, rethinking his words. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

Sirius shrugged. "It doesn't matter," said Lily.

James looked down at Lily, and she had her face in his shoulder, not wanting him to stare into her guilty eyes. She gripped his shirt tightly, thinking about how Avery's arms felt around her. James was strong, but gentle, while Avery was forceful and demanding.

James seemed to think she was acting strangely, so he said, "Hey," softly, nudging her to look back up at him. "Everything all right?" he asked.

Lily nodded, trying to smile reassuringly. "Just tired," she said.

James accepted it. Lily wasn't a naturally open person, after all.

"And what's your story?" asked James sarcastically, turning to Sirius.

"I've got a baby on my hands," he said simply.

"Oh," said James, feeling rather like an arse. "Right."

Sirius rolled his eyes, and he began gazing out the window again. James hadn't expected the awkwardness that seemed to be between them. "Lily?" he whispered.

"What?" she mumbled, her head still buried in his neck.

"Did I mention I forgot to tell my parents you're coming?"

Lily's eyes shot open, and she practically jumped from his arms. "They don't know?" she shrieked. "James!"

Sirius laughed. "It's not a big deal, Lily," he said.

Lily didn't answer. She didn't really want to look at him. "James, I hate imposing on people. I would have liked it if you had told them," she said calmly.

James nodded. "I'm sorry, but I promise they will be happy to have you."

He took her hand, wondering why it was so amusing to watch Lily freak out. He pulled her down onto his lap. "Relax," he said.

Lily wasn't happy with this new position, as it forced her to look at Sirius for the first time during the ride.

He looked confused, which was understandable, and he definitely seemed stressed. He smiled sadly at her when he realized she was staring. Lily tightened her hold on James' hand.

Since James and Lily had started dating, Lily had already hidden her situation with Avery, slapped him, and kissed his best friend.

She was determined to, from now on, be a better girlfriend.

And…she hadn't even gotten him a proper Christmas gift. She'd been planning on getting help from Sirius, but that now seemed out of the question. She didn't think she could feel comfortable alone with him.

"Here's a thought, James," said Lily. "Don't give me anything for Christmas."

"Too late," said James, shaking his head.

Lily sighed. She definitely didn't deserve something from him, and, knowing James, it would be something incredibly expensive. She leaned back against him. It was going to be a long ride.

James' mother, Lily learned, was one of the kindest people Lily had ever met. She was nothing like her own. The moment she was introduced, Mrs. Potter greeted her with a warm hug.

"Lily," she said, "I can't tell you how exciting it is to have you here."

Lily smiled shyly. "Thanks, I guess."

Sirius was greeted in a similar way, but he wasn't as embarrassed as Lily was. "Hey, Mrs. Potter. How are things?" he asked.

"Oh, just fine," she replied, walking them further into the house. Lily was in complete awe as James' mother showed her where everything was.

"And this is obviously the kitchen," said Mrs. Potter. "I don't cook, so don't expect to see me in here. It's my husband who does that, and, on occasion," she nodded towards James, "my son."

Sirius smiled teasingly. "James is a little cook."

Lily ignored them, however. "So big," she said, looking around at the kitchen's compartments. It was probably twice her house.

James laughed. "Yeah," he said, keeping them attached by the hand through the entire tour.

Mrs. Potter led them up the stairs. "This is James' room," she said, pointing to the first room on the left. It seemed they traveled a mile to get to the second room. "This is Sirius' room, but he never goes in there anyway."

Sirius shook his head. "I know you're under the impression that I don't sleep, but I actually do from time to time."

Lily smiled. "I'm not sure they sleep at school either, Mrs. Potter."

"Oh, really? Who would have guessed?" his mother teased.

"And the room all the way down there," she said, pointing to the last room on the right, "is my husband's and mine, if you ever need me…"

Lily saw that there were two rooms unmentioned, but she decided not to ask. "I didn't expect you, so I don't have a set room for you, but there's plenty of space. Come," she said, leading them back down the stairs.

"I'm just going to leave the stuff in here," said Sirius, referring to his and Lily's trunks. Lily had forgotten he was carrying them.

Lily really wanted to ask why any family, especially such a small one, would need such a big house. It was beautiful, of course, but she wondered if guests ever got lost. She certainly didn't want to be the first.

Mrs. Potter led them to a hallway full of rooms that she hadn't seen yet. "Unbelievable," she said, laughing softly.

"You can pick anyone you like," said James' mother, not sounding even a little surprised about Lily's responses.

"Thank you so much," she said. She now realized why James had said it wouldn't be a problem.

"No problem, honey," she said. "I'll leave you to it then."

"So," said James when Mrs. Potter went back upstairs again, "you want to pick a room?" he asked cheerfully.

"Which would you suggest?" asked Lily, smiling at his enthusiasm. James pulled her down the hallway, stopping at one just before the end.

"This one has a lot of blue," said James. "I know you like blue."

Both Lily and James could practically feel Sirius' eyes roll behind them.

"You don't forget anything, do you?" she asked.

"I'm just going to go upstairs and…unpack," said Sirius awkwardly.

James nodded. "All right."

James and Lily, now alone, went into the bedroom. There was certainly a lot of blue, but Lily didn't stop to think about that. It was huge!

"I get to sleep in here?" Lily asked breathlessly.

"And shower in here," he pointed to her own private bathroom, "get away from us in here… Whatever you want to use it for."

James sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to him. Lily sat down, and she turned to face him. "I love you," she said, glancing around the spacious room.

James smirked. "I knew you only liked me for the money," he joked.

Lily responded to the comment by kissing him. Completely unusual for Lily, considering she was never one to initiate anything. After a moment, James pulled away, but stayed close enough that she could feel it when he whispered, "I love you too, by the way," before capturing her lips again.

Lily smiled into the kiss, his words making her feel positively elated. Then, all too suddenly, something went wrong in her mind.

It wasn't exactly surprising because why in the world should Lily have a moment free from awful feelings and memories? 'No,' she told herself, 'that's for other girls.'

She detached herself, rather unhappily, from her boyfriend, looking the other way obviously.

"I don't feel well," she said. "It's a stomach kind of thing."

James thought about the odd behavior on the train, and he assumed that her strange mood swings and slight reluctance to be with him had to do with her father, but he had thought she'd been getting better, and out of nowhere, she seemed to be spiraling back downward.

"Talk to me," he said, barely concealing his frustration. "Please, Lily."

Lily refused to look at him. "I'm sorry," she said, "but I really don't feel well."

James sighed. James' plan of letting her come to him was tiring, frustrating, and it didn't seem to be working. Pressuring her wouldn't work either, and even if it would, James wasn't willing to do such a thing to his already delicate girlfriend.

Before James could say anything else, there was a knock at the door. "May I come in?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah," said James. "It isn't locked."

Sirius came into the room, looking weary. "Something wrong, Lily?" he asked, looking at her directly for the first time in a while.

"No," she said immediately.

"She's ill, apparently," said James. "Let's let her rest."

Lily looked guiltily up at James, and he tried to smile, but it was obvious to Lily that he wasn't happy. "We'll be in my room."

James and Sirius left the room. "She knows you're mad," said Sirius as they walked to their room. "You're not doing a good job of hiding it."

James glared at him, wondering if he was being deliberately moody. "I'm not mad. I just wish she'd," James stopped speaking as they got up the stairs, "start treating me like she cares as much as I do."

Sirius bit his lip, sympathizing with both of them. "She's got a lot on her plate, I suppose."

James stopped in his doorway, leaning against the frame. Sirius walked ahead of him, and he sat down at his desk chair, leaning it dangerously backward. He noticed James staring. "What?"

"You know something!" James exclaimed. "You know something, and you're not telling me."

"I don't," said Sirius, shrugging.

"I—"

"Can I ask you something?" said Sirius.

It was obvious that he was mostly trying to get James off the Lily topic. James shrugged, leaning against his door, still pretty sure something was being hidden from him.

"In about eleven years, the baby that Lindsey has will most certainly be on his way to Hogwarts."

"Okay…" said James, confused.

"Should my parents decide to fling Lindsey and I off a building, you promise you'll get mini-Padfoot on the train?" he asked.

"Will you name it that if it's a girl?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"I promise that, in the event you and Lindsey both die, I'll get the kid on the train. However, there's a good chance your family will want to do away with Lily and myself as well."

"Ah well," said Sirius. "I'll just have to ask Remus then."

James' attention was successfully diverted.

Lily waited in her room for at least fifteen minutes before she even opened her door. When she did, she took a look around, looking at things she hadn't paid any attention to when Mrs. Potter was showing her around. Her hallway was full of beautiful pictures.

Lily looked up at the one above the entrance to the kitchen. She didn't know how she'd missed it before, but blamed it on her fascination with the enormous house.

Lily smiled almost tearfully, as she looked at the beautiful family. The man, who Lily supposed was James' father, was sitting on the couch with his arm around his wife. He was waving at the camera, but Mrs. Potter seemed to be trying to remain as still as if it were a muggle photograph. The kids were running in and out of the frame, but during the time they were in, Lily would try to make out their faces, especially James' sister's.

She was so young, so innocent (from what Lily could infer), so pretty. No one would be able to tell all of the things that were wrong with her just by looking at the picture. Lily was that way as well. She could smile in pictures, but they were almost never real.

Lily took in a calming breath. Reaching up on her toes, she traced the frame. It wasn't fair to her that she had to go through so much pain at such a young age.

"I didn't know you," said Lily, "but I can tell you that life isn't anything incredible."

Lily watched James grab his sister around the middle protectively, and she squealed silently.

Lily reluctantly pulled herself away from the picture. And she walked over to the staircase. At first, she planned on going to James' room to tell him she was feeling better. Instead, she decided to walk into one of the rooms that hadn't been shown to her. She chose the pink door. She had a good feeling where it led.

Glancing over her shoulder to make sure that no one was behind her, she opened the door.

Lily was doing nothing to ease her guilty conscience by walking into a room that she was sure had to be off-limits to her.

The first thing she noticed was dolls. There were so many of them, ones that Lily had never even heard of in her life. Some were glass, though how a small child could be trusted with that was beyond her, some were plastic, some even moved. That was more than a little strange.

The second thing Lily saw was…another picture. In it, James was nine or ten. It would be only a year before James in the picture was to go to Hogwarts. She smiled.

Lily bit back tears as she looked around the room. She walked over to the bed, seeing a letter written in James' handwriting.

April 16th, 1975.

So, the letter hadn't been written too long ago.

Without much hesitation, Lily picked it up.

Dear Heather,

I've never been confident enough to write a decent letter to you. I guess it's been a kind of fear of some sort. Stupid, I know, considering you're not here, and even if you were, you can't read. I just wanted to know that I never understood you. None of us did. I remember…when I was really young, mind you, that I used to pretend you were from another planet, and you weren't actually my sister. I used to pretend you had come to Earth with a message for us, but we were too narrow-minded to understand it.

There was no denying how special you were, though. I wish you could have met my friends. I've told them enough about you, and they sometimes say they feel they have already met you. I have to be honest. My memories with you are rather limited.

Lily cautiously sat down on the bed, now lost in her own world. She took a deep breath and continued reading.

I'd like to write about all the things we did together, but since it's been so long, I can't. Like I said, I've never been brave enough to write this, so I'm trying to make it just as good as I can. I guess that, instead of telling you about what I remember, I can tell you about my life right now.

I mentioned friends. I have three of the best. Without Sirius, Remus, and Peter, I'm not sure I could have become the person I am today. However, there's no need to get sentimental over it, is there? I'll just say that they're like the brothers I never had.

Maybe you can't understand that. The only friend you ever had was me. I'll tell you something: I miss you. I know this sounds like an awful thing to say, but I never wanted you to be normal. Mum did. She doesn't say it in so many words, but I can tell she thought you'd have been happier if you weren't ill.

That could be true, but I liked you as you were. What if you'd been a different way, and therefore, we fought? I think you were the way you were for a reason…anyway.

So, I have to tell you about Evans. I'm sorry. I know you were never one for the boy-girl kind of thing, and you swore that even I had cooties, but it was okay because we were siblings, and…"James, everyone knows sisters can't catch the cooties from their brothers." Everyone knows that, of course, Heather. And, I pretended I believed in it to make you happy and all that.

The point is…I met that girl who made me realize that (even if she did have cooties) I didn't care about that childish stuff anymore…most of it anyway. I wanted to be with her, no matter what.

If you were alive, you'd probably laugh (with many others) about the stupid things I've done to impress that girl.

Once Lily had gotten to her name, she realized she'd begun reading aloud subconsciously. With tears running down her face, she continued reading in a voice barely above a whisper.

It's kind of funny how I fell for the girl. Yes, fell. Head over heels, in fact. I don't know if you really want to hear about this, but I promised you that, no matter what, I'd always tell you everything important, remember? Well, this girl's important. She's the most important thing.

If only you could meet her, you'd see what I'm talking about. You really would. Don't get your hopes up for your big brother, though. I have no chance with her. It's more like a dream, but not the dream of going to school and getting a good job. That's the kind of thing I believe in. Going out with Evans is like…it's like the dre—

"…dream you'll come back to me."

Lily jumped up from the bed when she saw James in the doorway. Sirius was behind him, looking worried.

James didn't seem angry, though Lily looked back down at the letter where, sure enough, it read the words James spoke.

James stared up at the ceiling, reciting the letter by heart.

"That's something I no longer count on. I guess I couldn't write this letter until I knew you were really gone. I put the dream of you awakening in the 'never going to happen bin' rather easily, and I close the subject. Not much more I can say. If I had more words, I'd definitely write them."

James stopped to clear his throat. "Should be the end."

Lily nodded. "James, I'm so sorry. I don't even know what else to say."

James motioned for her to get up from the bed. "Can we go back to my room?" he asked.

He didn't wait for Lily to reply, knowing she would follow him anyway. She put the letter back where it had been, and she closed the door after they all walked out.

"It's my fault. I didn't tell you," said James when they walked into his room.

"But I had common sense. I know better than to walk into a room I haven't been offered."

James sighed. "Reason for the day. She admits when she's done wrong," said James. Lily didn't know why she was being referred to in that way, but she smiled slightly. James didn't seem troubled at all by the fact that she'd read his letter.

Sirius, however, looked uncomfortable.

James walked over to Lily, brushing the tears off her cheeks. "Don't cry," he said, hugging her against him.

Lily let her emotions run wild as she cried into his chest, muttering nonsense all the way.

Sirius, unnoticed by the two of them, left the room.

When Lily had finally calmed down enough to pull her face away from his shirt, she looked up at him. "Are you mad?" she asked. "I mean, about me shooing you away before."

James shook his head. "Will you talk to me now?"

Lily shrugged, but then she nodded. "There's something I need to tell you."

"Okay," said James, not surprised by that at all.

"I want you to know that you're still allowed to take away my Christmas present," she said, half-jokingly. "Totally entitled."

James smiled. "What is it, Lily?"

She let out a long breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "You're going to want to kill some people," she warned.

"I'll be fine," he assured her, though he seemed to be getting anxious due to all her avoidance.

"Can I ask you a question first?" said Lily.

James closed his eyes, and he raised his head to the ceiling, as though he were praying for strength.

"If you must."

Lily dropped her hands from his shoulders (where she had been holding on so tightly while she cried), and she clasped her hands in his. "Is there something about me…something particularly…different that makes people—go insane?"

"Yes," said James. "You're amazing."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm speaking of 'bad' insane."

"I guess…" said James, sounding unhappy saying it, "that you may appear innocent."

Lily nodded. That sounded right. Perhaps…she'd have to change that? Maybe she'd be left alone if she became the total opposite of herself?

No. James loved her the way she was. If she could have James, why did it matter what other people did to her?

But he—

No! Lily told herself forcefully.

"Well, just promise you won't kill anyone after you hear what I have to say."

"I promise," said James, smiling slightly.

Lily realized he had no idea what he was promising at all.

Author's Note: So, it took forever, but it was pretty long, right? Yay? Christmas next chapter! Hope you liked it, and please review!