Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

Chapter 25 – Treaty

In the week that followed, I spent every night except that first one in Edythe's room. She'd play different music from her large collection and we'd talk about everything except what was important. We weren't really moving forward so much as we were merely getting to know each other again. It was some of the best days I'd had since I was changed, because she was there, and we were communicating. And the longer we were side by side like that, the more I accepted that the entire reason she left was because of my own inability to let go of preconceived notions that I'd known were wrong all along.

I was happy, with her. She was the light that I'd missed after they'd left, and because of the little things she said, telling me that she loved me, telling me that we'd get through this, telling me we were stronger together... I started to believe that there was hope for us. I let myself believe we could move forward from this, let myself not only accept her love but actually started to accept that it was alright to love her in kind.

Our kisses weren't quite as restrained as they'd been before they'd left, occasionally her hand would roam under my shirt, or she would grab my butt, while I myself was still careful, not wanting to push too far too fast.

It wasn't perfect, we weren't perfect, but it was better. And for a time, I had hope.

I still had hope, even after the fourth day when I went out on my own and tried to hunt a deer only to spit the blood out immediately. The taste had been truly disgusting, and I'd decided that once I felt like trying again, I'd go farther away, to somewhere I could possibly find a bear or a cougar, anything that might have a flavor that I thought I could possibly stomach.

And, though I still wasn't talking to Archie, still couldn't stand to be in the same room as Royal and barely was able to be near any of the others, except Eleanor, I was trying. Jessamine was hard to be around, because I knew she could feel the emotions that I was keeping on lock down – the fear, the bloodlust, and the guilt – but she could also feel the good stuff too, the love, happiness, and hope, so I tried to accept it as a good thing that she didn't flee the room every time I was near. Maybe it meant I was hiding the darker emotions better than I thought. Earnest was worse than Jessamine, because I could see his compassion and understanding and I knew I didn't deserve it. Then there was Carine, and she had questions to which I couldn't answer, because in spite of what Edythe had stated, that it had been my doing that had protected her – which I completely believed – I had no clue how I did it, and no clue how to use it again. I'd seen Edythe in danger and I'd reacted, simple as that.

Still, in the back of my mind, there were two voices that were getting louder every day, and neither had anything to do with my shield. The first one, was a voice that was demanding blood, and not animal blood either. I could almost push that voice completely away while Edythe was there because I knew she saw me as being better than that, so I was striving to be what she saw me as. I wanted to deserve to be the love of her life, and the only way I could do that would be if I pushed past that part of me.

But it was the second voice that I really couldn't get past. It was the part of me that demanded killing the human I hadn't even known had been wrong. It was the part of me that screamed that because of my actions a family of four, including two very young children, were dead. It was that part that said I wasn't doing anything to try to make it right – not that anything ever would. It was the part that felt dirty every time I thought of what I'd done to Dahlia. And while some piece me recognized that it was some strange mix of guilt, grief and shame... I didn't know how to move past it. So every day, I tamped it down tight, trying to ignore it completely, and every day, it got a little louder and screamed to be recognized. But how was I supposed to explain to any of them that I actually felt guilty over doing what I had to in order to save Edythe and Archie's lives? How could I possibly justify the emotions I was feeling when what I'd done had saved the life of the woman I loved and a man that – while I was currently upset with him – I deeply cared for? How would anyone else be able to understand it when I myself didn't?

So everyday, I fought to ignore it. And everyday, it got a little harder.

…

On the eighth day after we'd returned, the wolves – or actually a wolf – descended.

We all heard the motorbike as it rode up the drive to our house.

"It's your friend, Julie. She wants to talk to us all, and she wants to see you, Beau. She wants to make sure you're alright."

I shook my head. "She can't, not while my eyes are like this." I knew how Julie would react if she saw me at the moment. There may be no born monsters, as she'd once claimed, but I'd become one now, and I knew that if she saw me like this, with my eyes a deep burgundy, she'd realize that her friend was gone forever. I knew how much that would hurt her, and I couldn't do that to her. Somehow, after my eyes were gold again, I'd find a way to lie believably so she and I could keep our friendship – so she wouldn't lose me completely – even though I knew our friendship would be different now.

"I'll tell her you're out hunting," Edythe said softly. "You can stay up here." She leaned forward, kissing me briefly, my hands knotted in her hair almost instantly, but she extracted herself as she got up.

"She wants to meet with all of us," Edythe said loudly after leaving her room.

I heard my family go outside as I slid down off of Edythe's day bed and to the floor, just in case Julie got curious and came around to the back of the house. If she figured out I was deliberately hiding from her then she would know why immediately.

Outside, I heard Carine ask, "Why's she coming?"

I could almost hear the slight frown in Edythe's voice as she replied, "I think I'll let Julie explain that. It's nothing bad though."

About fifteen seconds later, the motorbike pulled to a stop out front and shut off. I heard the stand being kicked down and Jules getting off the bike.

"Where's Beau?" she asked.

"He's out hunting," Edythe replied immediately.

Jules response was sharp. "You're allowing him to hunt by himself with the red head hunting him?"

"As long as you aren't involved, I can see his future perfectly fine, so I know he's safe at the moment," Archie said angrily.

"She's concerned because two people were killed on the reservation while we were in Italy," Edythe said softly. "I'm so sorry for the loss to the tribe."

"Yeah... well it was our own fault. We weren't prepared for that type of an attack..." There was a noticeable pause before Jules continued. "Look, can you tell Beau that if he's been staying out of La Push in an effort to protect us, then it's too late for that. The bloodsucker is clearly broadening his horizons."

"That's mostly my fault," Edythe said.

Jules sounded positively irked when she replied this time. "Why? Are you afraid of a little bit of friendly competition."

"Not even a little bit. I'm just concerned for Beau's safety."

Jules let out a sarcastic laugh. "Well you needn't worry, because he made it clear that as long as there's a chance you two can make it work then he won't pursue anything with me. And if you're really that worried, you can come to La Push too."

I blinked. What did she just say?

"That's why I'm here, of course. The elders don't agree with my decision, but it is mine to make. The treaty is void, as long as you guys don't kill anyone, you are free to come and go between La Push and here as you please."

I wanted to run to a front window and check people's expressions, but I didn't because I knew Jules' hearing was almost as acute as ours and she would hear me if I moved from my hiding place.

"Thank you for –" Carine started.

Jules cut her off, her voice harsh as she spoke. "Make no mistake. I'm not doing this for any of you. I'm doing this for Beau. He believes that you aren't monsters and as we've both been dealing with a real one for months, I am going to accept that he knows what he's talking about. Besides, I'm relatively sure that it is going to take us working together to stop Victor."

"Why do you believe that?" Jessamine asked.

"He's slippery. We've caught Victor's scent twice in the last week since the attack, but he's never actually there. On top of that, the two women that were killed, couldn't have both been by him. I was nearby when he attacked and killed Kelly. I actually drove him off before he could kill Kelly's daughter too. The attack on Jana occurred at the same time. When I checked the scent there... it was different. I can't parse them out the way Beau can. All of your scents smell like frozen bleach and ammonia to me, but I'm relatively certain the scent was feminine and familiar too. I think it was the woman that Victor stole over six weeks ago now, Raven."

I pressed a hand to my mouth to keep from vocally reacting. It was all my fault. If I'd done my job better than I would have found Raven before she was fully turned or at least shortly after. I could have shown her the ropes... or taken care of her if that had proved impossible, but instead she was still out there.

And here Julie was, trying to make things work for my sake because she trusted in me. And if I stuck with my plan, to try and keep some sort of friendship with her after what I'd done, I knew I'd be betraying that trust. I was as much of a monster as Victor and Raven. Perhaps I was even more of one than them, because unlike Victor, who clearly had no conscience – and Raven who was probably only doing what his instincts told him to – I'd known when I killed Dahlia how despicable it made me, and I'd known when I'd killed the human how wrong it was. And wasn't that the definition of a true monster? Someone who knew what they were doing was wrong but did it anyways?

I'd done those things, and yet here I was like I was still good, like there was still anything redeemable about me. I was moving forward with my life with Edythe like I still deserved her and yet it was so obvious that I didn't. Yes, she'd killed people in the twenties – murderers and rapists – but she'd truly believed what she was doing wasn't that bad as they were vile creatures. She'd probably actually saved more lives than she'd taken, and when she realized what she was doing was wrong, she had stopped. On top of that she'd had almost eighty years of atonement. And as for the rest of the family when they had killed in the past, it was instinct, slip ups...

I, on the other hand, was just pretending, because what I'd done was a conscious decision.

Even though I was no longer actively listening to the conversation, I still heard as Jules asked Edythe to tell me to come see her the instant I was back from my hunting trip, and I heard as they said their goodbyes. I also heard when the bike started back up and took off.

I darted down to my bedroom, picking up the small jewelry box off my bedside table, leaving the note on the table. The last words from the note helped to give me purpose; 'find the closure you need to help move you to the place you need to get to.' It wasn't the rings I needed to give me closure, but they were a place to start.

I'd once told Archie that I'd have the courage to tell the truth to Edythe's face if it came to it, but part of me wished I did have time to write a note and flee in the night... it would be an easier way to deal with it.

Suddenly Edythe was in my room. "Beau, what's going on?"

I stepped forward, grabbing her hand and placing the jewelry box in it. I wrapped her fingers around the box. "I need to go, Edythe. I need to find some sort of... recompense for the things I have done. You don't want me patrolling with Jules and I can accept that, but if I can't find it here, then I need to go somewhere that I can. And I can't do that at the same time that I'm with you, because when I'm with you, all I want to do is just forget what I've done so that I can be there for you. And that's unfair to both of us. I'll never be able to truly find attrition, to truly atone, while I'm wrapped up in our life. And I'll never be able to give you a hundred percent of me until I do find that.

"So I need to take myself out of this picture, at least for now. We're immortal, and someday, I'll come back. Someday I'll find a way to be the man that you want me to be. Someday, I will be able to love you with my whole heart because you're worth it. Someday, I'll be able to get down on one knee in front of you and truly mean it. But that day isn't today. Today, I need to go. I need to find someway, somehow, to become that person. So for now, I need you to keep this." I looked at the box in her hand. "That way, when that someday finally comes, you'll know."

Her face looked completely heartbroken by my words, and I wished I could take them back, but I knew I needed this.

"No, Beau. I told you, if you leave, I'll follow."

There was a hitch in her voice that made me hate myself even more.

"Don't. Please, Edythe, I need this. I love you, I will always love you, but this isn't our time. I have to find a way to truly move on with my life after the things I've done... and that answer isn't here, with you. So please, if you love me the way that I know you do, let me have this. Let me leave for now. I will come back to you. I will find a way forward from here. And even if it takes me time to find that and you all have moved on to a different town by then... I'll find you. I promise."

Edythe closed her eyes, and a small sob broke from her chest.

I reached forward instinctively, pulling her close to me and and holding her there. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I whispered.

She pulled back enough to look at me. "Come back to me." Her words were barely a whisper, the acceptance of my request to leave causing her clear anguish, but they were fierce all the same.

"I will, I promise," I repeated.

I leaned down, kissing her hard, promising with my lips to come back even as I was saying goodbye with them.

…

Once I'd packed a backpack with some clothes and the cash and documents that Archie had made for me, I walked down the hall to Archie's room, knocking on his door.

Archie opened it, his face upset. "I know what you're going to ask. And I promise to try to not look for your future while you're gone. But I want you to know that I see you in Mexico in a year with this path that you're currently on."

"Then I guess we both know I won't be in Mexico in a year, given how your visions about me are always wrong," I said acerbically.

He stuck his tongue out at me, then quickly stepped forward, hugging me tight. "I'll miss you. No matter how short of a time you're gone."

"Bye Archie." I stepped back. "Tell Jessamine I said goodbye." She'd decided to go hunting while I'd still been packing my backpack.

"I will."

Then I went downstairs, saying goodbyes to both Earnest and Carine before heading to the garage. Both Royal and Eleanor were there. Eleanor was holding the Jeep up with one hand as Royal was stretched out underneath it.

I grabbed a set of keys from the wall.

Royal pulled himself out from under the Jeep right after I came in and Eleanor set the Jeep back down.

"I'll see you later, Eleanor," I said, coming over to her and hugging her for a quick second before I stepped back.

"Don't expect me to tell you goodbye," Royal said.

"Don't worry, Royal. I hate you too."

We stared at each other for several seconds before I finally turned away from him and went over to my Camaro. I threw my backpack in the passenger seat after opening the driver's door. I got in the car, starting it up for the first time since I'd been given it.

I didn't look back as I drove down the drive heading away from the Cullens property.

AN: The two that were killed were Kelly Littlesea, mother to Colette Littlesea, Julie's thirteen year old first cousin, and Jana Fuller, mother to Brandy Fuller, Lee and Sarah's thirteen year old second cousin. Brandy and Colette's Twilight counterparts would of course be Brady and Collin.

Only the epilogue left. It might be posted tonight still. We shall see.