As she watches Henry and Mara tear into their (belated) Christmas presents the next morning, Regina can't help thinking about the events of the previous evening. She wishes she and Emma could talk about it, but they haven't had any time to themselves this morning. Truthfully, she doesn't know when they may have a moment alone; Mara already informed her that they're going skating this afternoon. Regina looks forward to the time with the children, but the idea of not conferring with Emma, especially when the events of last night have been running in Regina's head non-stop since then, is unbearable.
Inspiration hits when Regina excuses herself to use the restroom. Lying on the dresser in the bedroom, her phone catches her eye. Emma has to carry her phone at all times because of work… Before she can second-guess herself, Regina grabs the device and taps out a short message. I'm sorry about last night.
She has just finished washing her hands when a reply arrives. You have nothing to apologize for. Another message appears as she dries her hands. Nice use of technology to avoid eavesdroppers.
Smiling slightly, Regina replies. I have managed to pick up a thing or two over the years.
Clearly. A pause. Did you want to talk more about last night?
The smile fades as Regina leans against the counter. She starts typing several times, but ends up erasing each attempt. Finally, she sends, Yes, but I don't quite know how, if that makes any sense.
She waits nervously for Emma's reply. Thankfully, it comes almost immediately. It does. I am always here, whether we talk in person or keep texting. But please come back to the living room.
The tension in Regina's chest doesn't disappear completely, but it does ease considerably. On my way.
Regina honestly doesn't remember the last time she attempted to ice skate, but feels almost certain she had been close to Mara's age, a lifetime ago and a realm away. After a shaky start, however, she manages to find her balance rather quickly. At least, she's steady enough on her feet that she doesn't have to hug the low wall on the edge of the rink. The children took off as soon as they tied their skates, and have disappeared somewhere in the crowd. As for Emma…
"Hey," the blonde greets, skating up to Regina. "Sorry for abandoning you." She pushes herself around to Regina's side and slides her hand into the brunette's. "Just had to make sure the kids were okay."
Even through their gloves, warmth radiates through Regina's body from where they touch. "And are they?"
Emma nods. "So," she says as they continue gliding around the edge of the rink, "I realize that talking things out isn't your forte-"
"Who says it isn't?" Regina closes her eyes for a second, tamping down the sudden flash of anger, reminding herself that Emma's recently-returned memories are likely causing some confusion. She opens her mouth to apologize, but Emma beats her to it.
"Sorry. Memory clash."
Regina smirks at the very Emma description. "Apology accepted." She squeezes the other woman's hand to show she means it. "And I'm sorry for snapping."
Emma squeezes her hand back. "Apology accepted," she echoes, smiling. She tugs lightly on Regina's hand, leading her around a cluster of other beginning skaters. "Out of curiosity, who do you usually talk to?"
"It depends on the issue," Regina answers. "City matters…" She trails off at the look Emma gives her: half exasperation, half amusement. Regina chuckles self-deprecatingly at her own attempted deflection. "When we weren't fighting, Robin."
"And when you were fighting?"
"Your mother."
Emma's eyes widen comically, and she nearly falls as the edge of her skate catches the ice wrong. She only just manages to stay upright. "Okay," she says, ignoring Regina's snort of laughter, "that's going to take some getting used to."
"I still have a hard time believing it myself, some days," Regina admits. "But as you can imagine, I don't want to talk to either one about this particular topic."
"Understood. And thank you. My mother definitely doesn't need the details of our private life." Emma gives an exaggerated shudder, causing Regina to laugh. Emma grins at the sound. She opens her mouth to continue, but never gets the chance to say a word.
"Mama! 'Gina!" Mara appears out of nowhere, followed closely by Henry. "Watch this!"
Emma looks at Regina, silently asking if she's okay with putting the conversation on hold. Regina gives the tiniest of nods before turning her attention to the excited youngster. "Okay, we're watching."
Thursday, 8:34 AM
How do you define your sexuality?
Bisexual all the way. What about you?
[Indicator dots appear, disappear, reappear.] I honestly do not know.
Have you ever felt attracted to a woman? Besides me, I mean.
There were one or two that I felt drawn to, but it was not the same. And I never had the chance to pursue anything beyond being acquaintances.
Same-sex relationships not a thing in the Enchanted Forest?
They were not unheard of, although I don't know how common they actually were.
With no mass media there, can't say I'm surprised. [A pause.] Did you know anyone in a non-hetero relationship?
I heard rumors about quite a few of my peers, although only a handful either admitted to it or brought their significant others to balls. I know more than a few servants in Leopold's palace had partners of the same sex.
What about in your parents' house?
I believe there were one or two, but they had to be discreet. Daddy did not mind, but Mother disapproved.
Just when I thought I couldn't hate that woman more.
"I'm scared," Regina admits.
"Don't worry," Emma states, "I'll protect you from the ferocious beasts." She nods to where the snow leopards lounge against the windows of their exhibit, occasionally reaching out a paw to bat at one another. Mara and several other children kneel on the pavement in front of the glass, enraptured by the animals' proximity.
"That's not what I mean, Miss Swan."
Emma looks questioningly at her. Something in Regina's eyes must convey her meaning, because Emma steps closer. She drops Regina's hand in favor of wrapping an arm around the brunette's waist and squeezing lightly. "I'm listening," she murmurs.
Regina leans in to the embrace. "Every relationship I've ever had…" She swallows to dislodge the words that feel stuck in her throat. "They've usually ended badly." Crushed hearts, controlled minds, pixie-dust prophecies gone sideways. She tucks her head against Emma's neck, suddenly unable to look the younger woman in the eye.
They stand quietly for a moment, long enough that Regina starts to worry she's said the wrong thing. "Just gathering my thoughts," Emma says. Regina wonders once again if the blonde can read her mind. "I don't like talking about endings when we just started," the detective continues. "I learned a long time ago that that kind of thinking means you never get anything done. And yeah, I've gotten into trouble once or twice because I didn't think things through."
Regina manages a small laugh. "Only once or twice?"
Emma chuckles in return and presses a light kiss to Regina's hair. "Don't sell us short, Regina. Yeah, this relationship won't be easy. But I'm willing to work at it."
A sigh rushes past Regina's lips, carrying a fair amount of anxiety with it. They still have things to work out, to talk about, but for now, this is enough. "Me too," Regina quietly assures the other.
"And for the record," Emma continues, "I don't plan on this thing ending any time soon, if ever."
Regina's heartbeat speeds up, and her cheeks warm. She feels Emma's lips against her scalp again before the blonde calls out to Mara that they need to get going if they still want to make it to the library today.
Multiple times in the last few days, Emma has been grateful for the training she's received in dealing with victims of abuse. Otherwise, she doubts she would have the patience necessary to let Regina work through whatever hang-ups she's experiencing. Emma winces internally at the thought, because it sounds like she doesn't respect Regina's feelings, which is definitely not true, but she can't think of any other way to, well, think about the topic. Clearly, Regina needs time to process her thoughts and/or emotions, and Emma's just glad she herself can give the brunette the space she needs to do so.
In the two weeks since Emma regained her actual memories, she's had to do a lot of processing. Her "alternate past", the fake memories Regina gave her all those years ago, haven't gone anywhere, but they've… changed… since she drank that potion. Remembering them now feels like remembering a dream: The overall pictures are somewhat clear, but details are hazy, and the sequence of events doesn't exactly make sense. In contrast, her real memories have come roaring back full force, images and sensations and emotions that she's not so sure she missed. She definitely didn't miss the memories of prison after she'd given Henry up, or the "dark years" as she bounced around without a steady job or a purpose. Her early years as a bail-bondsperson weren't all that bad, but she misses the fiction she carried for the last eight years that Henry had been her companion during that time. But hindsight makes the memory of Henry appearing at her door that much sweeter, especially because it leads directly into her memory of her first meeting with Regina.
Emma has no problem admitting that she found Regina attractive from the beginning. Sure, she tried to squash those feelings during the near-constant fights of their early days, but by the time they visited Neverland the fights had diminished and the feelings only grown stronger. Emma doesn't know for certain if Regina felt the same pull at that time, although the evidence of the last couple of months points strongly in that direction. Regardless, Emma is just glad that they met again. She can even admit that the eight years apart may not have been the worst thing to happen to them. Who knows what would have happened had she and Henry returned to Storybrooke?
Laughter interrupts her thoughts. Emma's attention returns to her surroundings as Mara drops small plastic rocks on Henry's head, mimicking the on-screen Ewok's attack on the stormtroopers. The young man laughs as he covers his head with one hand and grabs for his sister's ankle with the other. From where she and Emma sit on the couch, Regina chuckles, too, clearly more entertained by the kids' antics than the movie. A (very) tiny voice in Emma's head protests, concerned that Regina won't properly appreciate the movies if she doesn't pay one hundred percent attention. Other voices easily drown this out, pointing out that these movies get watched often enough Regina will see them at some other time, this day is more about spending time as a family, and really, can she deny anything that causes Regina's face to light up like that?
Regina looks over at her, and Emma's breath catches in her throat. Still in her pajamas ("C'mon Regina, it's not like we're going anywhere today."), no makeup, hair slightly tousled, and backlit by the TV, Regina is still one of the most gorgeous people Emma has ever seen. An image flashes through Emma's mind, of what she'd do if the kids weren't here and Regina was comfortable with intimacy and looked at her like that. She swears she sees an answering spark in Regina's gaze, the thought confirmed when the brunette leans over and presses their lips together. It doesn't progress very far, both women aware of their surroundings, but Emma senses the promise the kiss holds, and it's one she wants to keep. So as they break apart, as Regina shifts to lean against Emma's shoulder, as their attention returns to the movie and the kids (Mara now lying on Henry's back, both riveted by the lightsaber duel playing out), Emma reassures herself that she can be patient for as long as necessary. In the end, she knows it will be worth it.
Regina wakes on the morning of the thirty-first to an odd mix of feelings. Excitement and happiness, stemming from where she is and who she's with, are there, just as they have been each of the last few mornings. A good deal of nervousness also makes its presence known. Regina chalks that up to two separate factors. First of all, today is the day she finally meets Emma's partner, Elisa. The other detective obviously plays a huge role in Emma and children's lives, so Regina wants to make a good impression. Second, Henry will be out tonight with friends, and Mara will be spending the night at Ruth's. It will be just Regina and Emma tonight.
Perhaps the most surprising emotion is actually a lack: For the first time in days, Regina doesn't feel any fear. Or rather, she still feels afraid, but she also feels determined to pursue her relationship with Emma regardless of that fear. She knows part of this has to do with the sheer amount of time she's spent with Emma and the children over the last seventy-two hours. With everyone now on the same page thanks to returned memories and explanations, it's obvious how well she fits with the family. But Regina also knows that this determination owes a large amount to Emma herself: Her patience, her willingness to talk, her ability to stay quiet when Regina needs it, her constant reassurances, her obvious affection for Regina.
Regina's hand drifts down to where Emma's arm wraps around the brunette's waist. She intertwines her fingers with the blonde's and settles back against the strong body behind her. Yes, this is well worth pushing past the fear.
Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in posting this; RL has thrown me quite a few curveballs lately. Thanks for your continued support of this story!