Raphael's viewpoint:

"Leo...dis is so damn hard."

Damn it to hell, my words were still slurred and as busted as my sore jaws. Inside, though, my teeth were grinding together in from the helpless frustration and anger. I quickly stopped when the pain shot through my jaw. I managed to choke back the yelp before Fearless felt the need to baby me even more.

So, there it was. The truth in all its glory, nicely slithered out before my oldest, most protective and irritating brother. It hurt. I hurt. Hell, we were all hurting, and I didn't know how to fix any of it.

I waited for Leo to say something nice and kind and false, like how quickly I'd be out of bed, and how I'd be up dancing around in a few days. I waited for him to force on another bright, fake smile, and try to soothe away nightmares that nobody could save me from now.

Leo let out his heavy sigh, and gave me an even heavier look as he tiredly nodded.

"You're right, Raph. It is so damn hard."

Fearless narrowed his eyes when he saw my wince, but thank God, he let it pass without any dramatics for once. I watched him, as he sighed, opened his mouth, and closed it just as quick. And then, he folded his legs next to the wall, and plopped down beside me. I flinched from surprise as he wearily slumped his shell against my good side, and suddenly, he took my good hand between his own, and folded his fingers over it. His eyes were glittering as he took my hand and let it rest on his knee. He shook his head.

"Raph….I wish to God I knew how to fix this for you. For us. And I can't."

Now, as you've probably guessed, I suck at cuddling, comfort or any of that mushy stuff.

I tightened my fingers against his, and finally grunted, " 's alright, Leo. 'm getting' better."

"I knew you were tough, Raph. I just didn't know how tough you were until this." Leo gave me a slow smile.

I snorted at that. "Ain't tough, Leo. I just lived."

A soft whisper, and a gentle squeeze of my hand. "And thank God you did, Raph."

Our conversation was interrupted by Mikey's gleeful clomping like a horse, up the stair and brandishing the coffee cup.

"Hate to intrude on this sweet moment of brotherly love, but Don says Raph needs to drink this. Here, bro."

Mikey flopped down to one knee without spilling a drop, and held out the cup, inches from my hand. I wrapped my fingers round the handle, dragged it to my lips, and took a sip. I expected water, but I got a mouthful of something that resembled chocolate flavored gravel. I nearly spit it back into the cup.

"What da hell is dis?"

I scowled as Mikey hitched his shoulders, apologetically. "It's protein powder. Don said it would help you recover faster. Build up muscle mass, or something."

I glared at the cup, but swallowed as much as I could, if only to get Don off of my ass. I nibbled on the cheese-whiz sandwich, and stomached what I could of the rest of the food. Mikey graciously took the shaking plate before I dropped it, and Leo helped me lean back against the wall.

Mikey gave me another bright grin as he bundled up the dishes and the fouled rags to take back to the kitchen.

Leo and I fell into that uncomfortable silence again, as I stared at my hands, now curled in my lap. The difference between them was sickening. My right hand-my good one- was familiar-green, scarred and calloused. My left hand- the one that had taken part of the brunt of the fall-kept twitching. The fingers were swollen like puffy little sausages, and there was a long, nearly indigo line of a bruise that smeared from my elbow to my knuckles. It looked like splotchy and weird, like I had dipped the outer part of my arm in a can of purple paint.

At my side, I heard Leo's soft sigh, as he looked ruefully at the wound.

"Sore?"

"A little."

"Would you tell me if it was more than a little, Raph?"

I tilted my head towards him, not sure how to answer that. "Wouldn't need to. You'd just know."

Leo's chuckle was more bitter and sad than anything else as he shook his head. "Never with you."

I narrowed my eyes at the bitter accusation behind the words.

"Get off it, Leo. Ain't nothing about me that you don't know."

I felt his flinch, as he suddenly yanked away like I burned him. And I could only stare, bewildered at that look of hurt that flickered over his face.

His shoulders hitched as he shook his head. "You don't get it at all, do you, Raph?"

I shook my head. "Screw it, Leo. Either tell me what the hell I ain't getting', or drop it."

Leo looked away, torn, before he drew out a long, shaking breath. I watched as he balled his hands into tense fists and then gripped them over his folded knees.

"When we were little, and one of us was hurt, or scared, Mikey would cry, and Donny would get clingy. And they would always come to me if they couldn't get Splinter. And it was alright, because I'm their big brother, and I knew how to comfort them. Donny wanted answers, and Mikey wanted reassurance. Once they had that, they were fine . But you…." Leo sighed, and I felt his fingers tense against mine. His dark eyes were troubled with years of unanswered questions as he stared at me.

"You never came to me at all, Raph."

I could hear the bitter acid of his words as they seemed to crawl into my very soul. Leo hitched his shoulders, helplessly.

"And no matter how hard I tried to be there for you, to love you, to understand you, or just to reach you…it never worked. You never came to me. Why?"

Leo's voice drifted into silence again, as I shook my head.

"Leo, what da hell could you have done, eh? Kiss my boo-boos an' make'em better? Give me a good talkin' to? Blab to Master Splinter on all the dumb stuff I did?"

Leo crumbled, then as his lips tightened into a shaky white line.

" I always felt like I was standing on one side of the cliff and you on the other, and no matter how hard I tried to bridge the gap, that distance was always there." Leo whispered.

Torture. This was torture. I didn't know what to do with this. I didn't know how the hell to talk to Leo without making it worse.

"Is that why, Raph? Because you didn't trust me enough to be there? Because you just thought of me as being Splinter's little spy?"

I winced when I saw his trembling, and that horrible wet that suddenly shimmered in his eyes.

"Damn it, Leo, dat….dat isn't it at all."

Leo swallowed, and his voice was as brittle as fracturing glass when he finally shifted his gaze to me again.

"Then what was it, Raph? What is it, now? Why can't you let me close enough to help you?"

"Because it's not your damn job to fix me, Leo! It ain't Don's job, or Mikey's or April's or anybody else's! You got any damn idea what it's like to be treated like I'm some busted, broken thing that's always got to be fixed? That I'm so stupid and helpless that I can't do a thing unless my big brother is there to save my ass? Hell, you must have loved havin' dis happen to me! You probably think I deserved dis for bein' on the roof and not under your thumb like a good little brother should be!"

Leo recoiled, eyes burning with tears and rage. He was quaking as his throat worked, probably swallowing back all the venom he could hurl.

Damn it! Damn it to hell! The remorse hit me, quick and cold as I felt the apology die somewhere between the reasons swirling in my brain and the sudden feeling of being punched in the gut.

"You're damn lucky that you are injured and helpless right now, Raph." Leo snarled, softly, as he suddenly snatched me and abruptly dumped me back into the blankets, ignoring my grunt and wince of pain.

He rose, strode to the door, and barked down the hall, "Mikey! Get in here!"

I heard a yelp, and some scrambling as Mikey suddenly emerged, looking wide-eyed and scared.

"Leo? Something wrong?" Mikey gave me a fearful glance, as Leo's angry, twisted face softened a bit in fake reassurance. Forcing the smile that never met his eyes, he shook his head.

"I'm sorry for yelling, Mike. Relax, you're not in trouble."

Mikey's tension dribbled out like air from a popped balloon. Giving me a glare and a shake of dismissal, Leo stepped aside, and gestured towards me.

"Would you mind sitting with Raphael for a while?"

Mikey gave me a troubled glance and then shook his head, worriedly. "No, bro. Not at all. Why don't you go get some air, Leo? You look like you need it."

I heard Leo draw a shaking breath as he nodded. "I do."

I watched him clap a hand over Mikey's shoulder in gratitude, then stride out without looking back at me.

Mikey stared at the door that Leo had slammed shut, and then at me, bewildered. Flopping to his knees, he scooted until we were only inches apart.

"Raph? Dude, what happened?"