Chapter 26
"How you doing over there, big guy?" Dean asked as he lifted his head and looked across the Impala at his little brother, who was in the process of de-junking the inside of the car,
"Your hands still doing good?"
With a nod of his head and a roll of his hazel eyes, Sam smirked and replied,
"I'm alright, Dean; I'm a little slow, but I'm okay." As soon as the words escaped his mouth, however, the younger Winchester felt his right hand start to act up and he growled under his breath,
"Sonuvabitch…"
"Sammy?" Dean put down the soapy sponge he was using the clean the front tire and rose to his feet to walk around the other side of the car,
"You okay?" When Sam didn't reply, the older brother repeated,
"Sam-"
"It's just acting up a little, Dean," Sam mumbled with an annoyed shake of his head, lifting his eyes to meet his brother's as he came into his line of vision,
"Hey, um, could you…" He bit his lip, unsure how to ask this question, but Dean beat him to it as he knelt down beside his little brother.
"Let's see what the problem is, buddy," Dean grinned as he took Sam's arm and placed it in his lap,
"I'm gonna take this off for a few moments, alright?" He waited until Sam had nodded his head in understanding before he made his first move to unhook the prosthetic. There hardly were ever any times when Dean had to undo the prosthetics, even while Sammy was sleeping they were left on, but every now and then, it happened and the older Winchester could tell just by the redness that crept over Sam's face that it still embarrassed him,
"Just hang tight for me."
As he unhooked the prosthetic hand and slipped it off of his brother, Dean made sure to keep one hand carefully holding the long ago healed stump that was left, gently massaging it. Any time when Dean found himself helping his brother this way, it always seemed to calm Sam just by his simple touch. Even though his own hands still shook due to the alcohol, the younger brother never once brought that up; instead, he just kept his eyes closed and his head turned away so that he didn't have to look at what wasn't there anymore.
Not even three minutes later, Dean squeezed Sam's upper arm and helped slip the prosthetic back into place,
"Better?"
Opening his eyes slowly and looking down at his right hand, clenching and unclenching it, Sam grinned slightly and nodded,
"It's better, thanks…"
"No sweat," Dean kept his hand on his brother's arm and just as he was about to rise to his feet when he felt a cold bottle being shoved into his other hand.
"Take it," Sam demanded as he looked his brother straight in the eye,
"It's been over two hours." He nodded down at the beer bottle clenched in Dean's hand,
"Take it. Drink it. That's an order." He waited until his brother had unscrewed the cap with shaking hands and took the first sip before he smiled himself and ducked back inside the Impala,
"Hey Dean?"
"Yeah?" Dean rose to his feet and was just walking back over to where he had dropped the soapy sponge when Sam's next words caused him to stop.
"Looks like you found the tape I made for you."
Nearly dropping the beer bottle to the ground, Dean's green eyes widened in surprise as he turned back around slowly,
"What?" As he turned back towards his brother, his heart leapt into his throat as he saw the single cassette tape Sam was now waving in the air. There was no anger present in Sam's eyes however; only understanding and sadness,
"I forgot that was in there-"
"Can I ask why you didn't stay with Lisa?" Sam tentatively asked as he fumbled with the cassette case and pulled the tape out.
Pulling a spare bucket over and sitting down on it as Sam turned the tape over in his hands, Dean sighed and closed his eyes,
"I felt like I couldn't do it then, Sammy. I mean…they didn't understand…"
"I'm not angry that you didn't stay, Dean," Sam lifted his head to meet his brother's eyes again,
"Remember, Lucifer showed it all to me…I'm just curious to know why you didn't let her love you? You only stayed a week, man-"
"Because you weren't there, Sam, that's why," Dean turned his head away from his brother. This was not the kind of conversation he had expected to have with Sam right now; but then again, he had not expected that tape to make its sudden appearance right now when he had totally forgotten about it,
"She and Ben…I cared about them. I still care about them. But they weren't you, Sammy, and it's not like they would've been able to help anyways…" He sighed,
"Besides, to tell you the God's honest truth…I probably would have started drinking in her home and who knows who bad I would have gotten? With how bad I ended up, I most likely would've hurt Ben…"
Nodding his head in understand and seeing the need to drop the subject as he saw how the memories were starting to effect his big brother, Sam held the tape out towards Dean,
"Do you still want this? Or…garbage?"
Knowing Sam meant no harm in asking the innocent question, Dean felt leftover guilt fill him as he went over in his mind everything Sam had said on that cassette tape. One thing in particular…He shakily accepted the tape from Sam's outstretched hand and turned it over his own hands before he reached up to finger the amulet that was still hanging from his neck,
"Sammy…"
His own eyes wondering down to the little golden amulet hanging from Dean's neck, Sam's own heart clenched for a moment as he realized what it was he had said,
"I didn't mean it that way, Dean-"
"I know, kiddo," Dean whispered, not daring to meet Sam's eyes,
"I know…"
"Then what?" When his brother didn't reply, Sam sighed softly,
"You know I'm not angry about…that…right? Even if you think you should be forgiven for that, there's nothing to forgive-"
"Yes there is," Dean shook his head as continued fingering the charm in his shaking fingers,
"God Sammy, I'm sorry-"
"Shut up."
Lifting an eyebrow in surprise, Dean finally turned to his little brother,
"What?"
"Shut up." There was absolutely no heat in Sam's words; instead, all Dean saw was love and acceptance in his baby brother's large eyes,
"Stop apologizing for something that wasn't your fault. Not everything is your fault, Dean."
"Sam-"
"No. If you want me to say that I forgive you, then of course I forgive you; but it wasn't your fault." The younger Winchester shook his head and sighed,
"I'm sorry I brought that up…This wasn't my intention when I asked about the tape…"
"I know, Sammy," Dean lowered his eyes again and stared at the tape he held, his eyes scanning over his brother's familiar handwriting on the front,
"Thanks…" Not wanting this uncomfortable conversation to continue, the older Winchester continued,
"In answer to the question though, I wanta keep it. I just wanta keep it."
"Alright." Sam replied with a nod of his own head before turning back to the Impala. Just as he was starting to toss more leftover wrappers and other garbage into the bag beside him, Sam turned back to his brother and grinned over his shoulder,
"So what'dya say once this baby is cleaned, you re-teach me how to drive her? You're still going to allow me to right?" He winked at Dean.
Grateful that Sam was finding some way to change the subject, Dean finally allowed himself to grin back at his little brother. He felt some of the loads of guilt, the baggage he had been carrying around, start to lighten on his shoulders as he watched Sam wink in his direction,
"Of course. A promise is a promise."
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"Are you sure it's a good idea, Dean?" Bobby folded his arms over his chest and stared at the older Winchester before looking out the window at Sam, who was sitting outside in the front seat of the now clean as new Impala,
"I mean, neither of you have driven in well over a year; and with Sam's condition-"
"It's not a 'condition', Bobby," Dean interrupted with a frown, following his friend's gaze and watching as his baby brother lifted his hands up and placed them on the steering wheel. He continued to watch as Sam closed his eyes and took deep breaths, in and out, in and out, as if he was mentally preparing himself for what was to come,
"He's been doing amazing lately, you know that. And it's not like I'm going to be letting him constantly drive by himself. He'll just be driving me to and from work, and some practice rounds with me."
"I just want you two idjits to be safe, boy, that's all," The gruff hunter replied, softening his tone a notch,
"It's not that I don't believe that he can do it; it's just too soon-"
"It's been months, Bobby, and he believes he can do it," Dean interjected, grabbing his jean jacket and shrugging into it,
"So I believe he can do it." He reached out and grabbed the open beer bottle resting on the cabin's kitchen table,
"It's not like I'll be driving, Bobby; and you know I won't let anything happen to the kid."
Huffing, Bobby rolled his eyes,
"I know you won't, you idjit."
"We'll be fine, I promise," Dean attempted a small smile for Bobby's sake and held his hand out for the car keys,
"Keys, Bobby." He waited for a few tense moments before Bobby finally shook his head with a weary sigh and handed the keys over, letting them fall into Dean's palm.
"Just be careful."
Letting out a huff of his own, the older Winchester rolled his green eyes,
"Do you have no faith in us?"
"Of course I do."
"Then it'll be fine." With one final look at his friend, Dean clutched the familiar car keys in his hand and walked out the door, Bobby right behind him.
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"I'm scared…"
Dean turned to look at his little brother as soon as he settled into the passenger seat and instantly noticed the bead of sweat forming on Sam's brow,
"Scared of what?"
"This." With a nod of his head down to the steering wheel, Sam sucked in a shaky breath,
"It's been so fuckin' long, Dean, what if I crash?"
"You won't crash, Sammy, I'm right here beside you. I won't LET you crash," Dean smiled before he took a small sip out of his beer bottle,
"Just take it one step at a time, kiddo. We're in no hurry-"
"But what if…what if I'm unable to get control of the car?" Sam continued with a shake of his head. His heart was pounding loudly in his chest. The younger Winchester had been looking forward to this ever since the day Dean had given him the news that he would help him learn how to drive again; even just yesterday, he had looked his brother straight in the eye and demanded to know whether or not they still planned on this. And now this was happening? The last time he had felt this type of anxiety was right before he had his operation and that was months ago…
"Sammy, listen to me," Dean finished off the remainder of his beer and tucked the empty bottle into his coat pocket,
"I won't let anything happen to you. I haven't told you this enough, buddy, but I have all the faith in the world in you; you'll be able to do it. Just think of it as that time when I taught you how to drive as a teenager."
Letting out a small laugh at that reminder, Sam rolled his hazel eyes,
"That's a fun time to remember, Dean. I couldn't tell the difference between the break and the gas!"
Shrugging his shoulders, Dean smirked,
"Okay, maybe that wasn't such a good example…"
"No."
"After all, you did almost rear end Dad's truck-"
"Dean!" Sam was unable to hold back a full blown laugh as he rested his head on the steering wheel and shook it,
"Dean, I didn't hit it-"
"No, but you almost did," Dean interrupted with a wink his little brother's way,
"You're lucky I managed to convince dad it was my fault."
"Oh yeah, lucky you," Sam lifted his head with a bitch face firmly in place.
"Seriously, Sammy, don't you remember?" Dean winked at his little brother and laughed loudly as Sam glared his way,
"Okay, okay…Maybe DON'T think of it as your first driving experience when you were a teenager. You know how to work the Impala, Sam; you've been driving her for years. My baby won't let anything bad happen to you and more importantly, I won't let anything happen to you."
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"I don't think so, Sammy-"
"Dean," Sam shook his head and huffed loudly before slowly putting the Impala into park, but let the engine running. He smiled as he listened to her purr and turned to face his brother again,
"We're in a safe location; we're not out on the road and…well, I'll be in the passenger seat right beside you-"
"Don't start quoting me to me, Sammy-"
"I won't if you give yourself a chance," Sam interrupted, gently patting the steering wheel,
"Admit it to yourself. You miss driving you, don't you?"
"More then you realize," Dean frowned as he looked around the empty field Sam had pulled the Impala into. This empty lot where there was nobody around, except for him and Sam,
"But it's not possible, Sam-"
"Sure it is," Sam pushed the car door open and got out, walking around to the other side to open the passenger side door,
"Remember what you told me?" At Dean's raised eyebrow, Sam continued,
"Just take it one step at a time…besides, it's not like we'll have dad's truck to run into." He chuckled at Dean's glare directed at him and rolled his eyes as his brother's face softened yet again,
"Just give it a try, Dean. It's not like you're going to get pulled over or anything."
"Sam, I-" Dean was suddenly cut off as he felt Sam hook his arm through his,
"Sammy, what the hell-"
"Get over there," Sam gently pushed his brother towards the driver's seat and waited until Dean took a seat behind the wheel before he leaned up against the door,
"How does it feel?"
At the question, Dean closed his green eyes and leaned his head back against the head rest. If he was completely honest with himself, it felt more right then he had ever felt in over a year. It felt like…
"It feels like home." He pushed back the few tears that pricked his eyes.
Offering a smile back at his brother, Sam folded his arms over his chest and nodded his head,
"That's because it is." He winked in Dean's direction before walking back over to the passenger door,
"It's where you belong, Dean."
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TBC