Leonard and Penny
Chapter 26, the Chez Hofstadter Revelation
Leonard made one final walk-through in the apartment as Sheldon, wearing his coonskin cap and his Chattanooga Choo Choo T-shirt, checked behind him. "You keep the King of Thrones sword," he told Sheldon. "Raj will be moving in tomorrow, and you and he can keep it here."
"You went in 50/50 with me on that," Sheldon said. "We could have it at your house and this apartment on alternate weeks."
"Let's just keep it here for now," Leonard said. "I think that's it. If you run across anything else, I left a couple of boxes here where you can put anything you find, and, of course, I'll be coming back regularly. Just hang onto anything, and I'll take care of it." He dialed Penny on the phone. "Hi, sweetheart," he said. "The movers are on the way. I'll bring Sheldon and JaQuan, and we'll be there in 20 to 30 minutes. [Pause] OK, I'm intrigued. A surprise? bye." He turned to Sheldon and said, "Penny wants us to stop off and pick up a couple of things at the grocery store."
"I like your new car," Sheldon said as he, JaQuan, and Leonard drove away. "It has all these features like voice recognition, Bluetooth, internet, and a built-in GPS. I like the backup camera that warns you if you're about to hit something." He punched the icon on the screen for the weather, which reported that it was sunny with a high in the upper 70s. "You can interact with the car and not have to interact with people."
"Route to home," Leonard said, pressing the voice recognition button on the steering wheel. "Stop off at a grocery store."
"Routing you down Colorado Boulevard," the GPS said over the speakers. "There is a delay on Houston due to a motor vehicle accident."
An hour later, Leonard and Sheldon arrived at Leonard and Penny's new ranch with JaQuan in the backseat. Leonard waved his billfold, which held the card with the RFID chip, at the sensor and punched in his code.
"Welcome, Dr. Hofstadter, Dr. Cooper, Mr. Stevens," the voice on the other end said. "Dr. Cooper, I like the coonskin cap." The gate opened, and Leonard drove up the driveway to the house.
Leonard and Sheldon found Penny in the dining room with Bernadette, Amy, Patti, Mrs. Timmons, Sela, and Sgt. Williams. They were sitting at the large table sharing a coffee cake Mrs. Timmons had made.
"Leonard," Penny said, "We're taking a break. Please, you, JaQuan, and Sheldon have a seat and have some of this marvelous cake."
"Wow!" Leonard said, kissing Penny on the lips. "I was worried when you told me they were going to dye your hair for the Sixth Element, but it looks great. Sexy. Strawberry blonde."
Leonard sat, but Sheldon said, "You're sitting in my spot."
"Sheldon," Penny said, "You don't have a spot. The store just delivered the table today. Just sit." She glared at him, grabbing her throat and making gurgling noises, until he sat.
"What is that boy's problem?" Mrs. Timmons asked.
"Wackadoodle," Penny said.
JaQuan said he was going to go check on the security setup.
Leonard couldn't take his eyes off Penny.
"So, Penny, when do you start shooting the Sixth Element?" Bernadette asked.
"We have been in table reads all week. We start blocking on Monday. We'll probably shoot a bit then, but the heavy-duty shooting will probably begin on Tuesday. Leonard and I have been watching the Fifth Element on Blu-Ray, and the director gave me a couple of DVDs with deleted scenes and some of the production shots so I know how some of the scenery will look after they add the CG. I'm going to play Meela, Korben Dallas' and Leeloo's daughter. I'm going to save the world."
"Who from the original movie is going to be in this one?" Patti asked.
Penny said, "Bruce Willis is going to make a cameo, and Chris Tucker, who played Ruby Rhod in the original, will be my sidekick, as he was Bruce's in the original. I've already spent a lot of time with him on the table reads. The man is a hoot, and one of the nicest people you would ever want to meet. I'm going to be working with him again next year when we film Rush Hour 4. Ian Holm—Bilbo Baggins himself—will reprise his role as Father Vito Cornelius. I haven't met him yet, since he's still in New Zealand finishing up the Hobbit. He's flying in tonight. Otherwise, everyone is new."
"Anyone we know?" Bernadette asked.
Penny said, "Robert Carlyle, who plays Rumpelstiltskin in Once Upon a Time, is going to be my mentor, Professor Macbeth. He is also absolutely nice. He had to go back to Canada, where they shoot Once Upon a Time, for a couple of days, but, when he comes back late tonight, he'll have his wife with him, who, I'm told, is one of the sweetest people ever. I think they're going to become part of our group. They don't know anyone in LA. I wish we could have Gary Oldman reprise his role from the original, especially since I'm such a big Harry Potter fan, but, of course, his character died in the original. They tried to get him to play another role, maybe a clone of his previous character, but he was committed to another movie shooting in Scotland."
"Who will be your love interest?" Bernadette asked.
"I won't have one in this one. I'm only supposed to be 15, but, because I have Leeloo's genes, I look as if I'm in my 20s. Our species mature quickly and then look as if we're young for many years: They tell me we're practically immortal. The big scene I'm going to have with Bruce is arguing with him that I'm old enough to use a makeup box."
"A makeup box?" Mrs. Timmons asked.
"This is a science fiction movie set 300 years in the future," Penny said. "In that time period, they have this box that you put up to your eyes—like a ViewMaster—and when you pull the lever, it flashes on eye makeup. Bruce is going to tell me I'm too young, but I'll sneak off and use one when he isn't looking."
"At least you'll be able to stay in the area while you're filming," Bernadette said.
"Yes, most of the movie will be shot in the studio in Hollywood, a lot of it in front of a green screen with the scenery added later," Penny said. "We plan to have all of the work with the actors wrapped up in time for me to begin shooting Nerds in August. It goes a lot faster when you're in front of green screens and they add the scenery later. Adding the scenery and all the computer effects is what is going to take the most time."
"So which network picked up your TV series?" Sela asked.
"CBS. We're going to air the episodes starting in September. They're changing a couple of things from the pilot, and we're re-shooting it."
"What are they changing?" Patti asked.
"First, they're changing some of the cast. And, instead of being computer nerds," Penny said, "the guys are going to be scientists. They have contracted with Leonard to be the technical adviser, so one of the guys—the one who falls in love with me at first sight—will be an experimental physicist, his roommate will be a really Aspergery theoretical physicist, and their friends will be an astrophysicist and an aerospace engineer. They will all work at a government think tank."
"How about your character?" Bernadette asked.
"She will be an aspiring model who is struggling to get by with various part-time jobs," Penny said. "They're going to refer to me as the 'beautiful next-door neighbor' in the ads. What a hoot, right?"
"Hoot?" Sela asked. "Have you never looked at yourself in the mirror?"
"Look who's talking," Penny said.
"Do you think people will watch the show?" Amy asked.
"I hope so," Penny said. "When they showed the pilot to test audiences, I tested well. They said I was adorable. Can you imagine that? They said the premise was a little shaky, and they didn't like some of the original cast."
"When does your National Geographic Channel show start airing?" Patti asked.
"They're going to have a special introducing the series in September, one week after Nerds premieres, hoping to parlay my role on Nerds into some publicity for the show. After that, the show will be on every week," Penny said.
"What night?" Bernadette asked.
"We're not sure yet," Penny said. "That's still a bit up in the air, depending on what nights the networks put on different shows. I'm contractually obligated by the Nerds show not to compete with it, so we're going to have to figure out what night it's going to air. We know they're going to introduce new shows on a regular night during prime time and then re-air them on either Saturday or Sunday."
"When are you guys going back to Cern?" Bernadette asked.
"We're taking a break in shooting the movie in July, and our team is going back there for two weeks then," Penny said. "They put several shows in the can when we were there last month, but there is so much research going on at the facility that we could probably shoot the entire series there. The director said the shows we have in the can so far are tremendous. He's going to send us some DVDs. We'll have to all get together and watch them."
"How many do you already have in the can?" Sela asked.
"They shoot for 24 episodes in a season," Penny said. "They have already completed 16 shows, and they still have a lot of footage they haven't put into a show yet. We'll keep shooting, and, if we get ahead for next season, that's fine. You never know that will be going on later. The good thing about that show is that Leonard does so many neat things that they can follow him around in his job and put a lot of footage in the can."
"I'm going with them when they go back to Cern," Sheldon said.
"You're on the team now?" Bernadette asked.
"Yes, they couldn't function without me," Sheldon said.
"He wouldn't stop whining at us about it, so Leonard persuaded the National Geographic Channel to hire him—on a probationary basis—as a technical adviser," Penny said. "Sheldon, you're not on the super collider team, you're a technical adviser for that one segment of the series. If you screw up or you tick off the wrong people, you'll be on the first plane back home."
"Where are your dad, Howard, and Raj?" Leonard asked.
"Howard is with Daddy over at his house talking with the guys wiring the houses and the offices for cable and internet," Penny said. "They decided to set up a separate network at Daddy's house so we can separate the two accounts for tax purposes. They aren't going to need a server with the capacity ours will have, but Howard is still making sure everything is as it should be. They should have both networks up and running by tomorrow afternoon. Ooh! Patti, show Leonard your hand."
Patti showed Leonard the engagement ring.
"How wonderful!" Leonard said, getting up and hugging Patti. "Best wishes. Do I call you Mom now?"
"If you do, I'll shoot you," Patti said.
"Have you and Wyatt set a date?" Leonard asked.
"We don't have an exact date yet, but we don't want things to drag on too long," Patti said. "We doubt our engagement will be as short as yours and Penny's. Wyatt and I are starting to look around for where to hold the wedding. We don't want a huge wedding, just family and friends, of course all of you. I've asked Penny to be my Maid of Honor, and she has accepted. Wyatt has already talked with Penny's brother and sister, and they are planning to come. Jason is planning to drive Penny's sister and her children in Wyatt's car here from Nebraska, so he can leave it here. My family are all here, what's left of them, so they won't have far to travel. I'm sorry, Leonard: I didn't mean to upstage your and Penny's three-month anniversary celebration tonight."
"Oh, Patti, that's no problem," Penny said. "It's wonderful. It gives us even more to celebrate."
"Where are Raj and Lisa?" Leonard asked.
"Raj is in the game room," Penny said. "We asked him to come in here with us, but he just wanted to sit and stare out the window. Leonard, he's devastated. It was all Bernadette and Howard could do to get him to come here. They practically had to drag him into the shower and bathe him themselves. He was sitting in his apartment unshaven, unwashed, with all these takeout boxes and liquor bottles all over the place."
"Why is he upset?" Leonard asked.
Penny said, "Mom was with Patti and me when we ran into my old boyfriend Kurt—the one who took your and Sheldon's pants the day we met—and she went off with him. I told Raj when he first took up with Mom that she was like that, but I think he really fell for her."
"I'll go talk to him," Leonard said, taking a slice of the coffee cake. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, but your mom and Kurt deserve each other. Does she know he was physically abusive and has periods of roid rage and that you have a restraining order against him?"
"She knows," Penny said. "She also knows that, because of the restraining order, she can't bring him around where I'm going to be, so I don't think there's a chance he and Raj will run into each other. It was only a chance encounter, so I didn't report it. He is already on probation because of how he treated one of his girlfriends after me, and, if he violates my order, he'll go to jail."
"Does Lisa know what the steroids do to sexual performance over time?" Bernadette asked.
"She knows," Penny said, "but, at least, for now, he should be good to go for the short term, which is all she's usually interested in having a relationship. She'll move on to another relationship before you know it."
An hour later, the takeout arrived from the Italian Garden as Leonard was chatting with the team that was finalizing the installation of their fiber optics cable for their network. Leonard found Penny and their guests up to their ears in packing boxes in one of the spare bedrooms.
The friends assembled in the large dining room and celebrated Leonard and Penny's three-month anniversary and Wyatt and Patti's engagement. They insisted that JaQuan join them.
"JaQuan," Penny had said, "You have the security set up, so you'll know the moment anything suspicious happens. If a squirrel changes his mind out there, you'll be the first to know about it. Come on in and share dinner with us. Here, you can sit next to Sgt. Williams."
JaQuan and Sgt. Williams talked shop for most of the evening. Penny winked at Mrs. Timmons, who nodded her head and grinned.
After supper, Penny took the women to the stables to visit Midnight. He stuck his head through the bars and nibbled at her hair as she fed him a carrot. "You're getting fat," she said as she rubbed the bridge of his nose. "We're going to have to start exercising you more often. If you would let someone other than me take you out, you could stay in better shape. Maybe we need to get Howard to design a horse treadmill." He snorted at her and nuzzled her. "Unfortunately, he won't allow anyone other than me to ride him. The woman who sold Daddy his ranch gave Midnight to me," she explained. "She was about to have him put down because no one could handle him. For some reason, he took to me. We're looking for a horse for Leonard. JaQuan isn't too happy about my riding by myself. He has been riding behind me in a 4-wheel-drive ATV, but he can't always keep up. He tried riding a motorcycle, but that spooks Midnight."
Leonard was showing the men the home gym he, Penny, Wyatt, and Patti were creating from one of their buildings close to the property line about halfway between the two houses where all of them could use it. The workers were about finished with the remodeling, including running conduit for the fiber optics cable that would hook up the treadmills and the stationary bicycles to the network. He took them to the storage building nearby, where two treadmills like the ones at the physical therapy center, that would adjust incline to keep the person's heart rate within the training range if the person exercising held onto the sensor bars, were sitting in their crates along with two stationary bicycles and several weight machines. "We're going to bring in some free weights as well," he said. "The PT hasn't shown me what he wants me to do with the weights yet, but, so far, we have everything he wrote down for us to order. Penny is going to be working with a trainer for her role in the Sixth Element, and she has already told her she will be having her do free weights and will be learning some martial arts. The studio has hired Master Kim Sang Hi to come here every morning at 6:30 a.m. Monday through Friday, and he and Penny will be training. Master Kim said I'm welcome to work out with them. I'm really thinking about it. We're hoping to move everything into the gym early next week."
"So did I understand that you and Leonard have already contracted out with one of the studios for them to shoot some outdoor scenes here at your ranch?" Bernadette asked Penny as the women walked back to the house.
"Yes, several studios, actually. They're going to shoot part of the next Firefly movie here," Penny said. "I'm going to play the new companion. Sheldon's out of his mind that I'm doing that, since that was his favorite TV show of all time, and I'll get to work with the remaining cast. That's going to be tough, since I'll be shooting that movie at the same time I'm shooting Nerds, and Nathan Fillion will be filming Castle, but, at least, a lot of it will be here at the ranch, and I won't be in that many scenes. We're going to be on a planet that is recreated as the old West. Most of the movie is going to be shot in the studio, but they'll do the outdoor scenes here. They're going to shoot parts of Support Your Local Governor, a sequel to Support Your Local Sheriff, which takes place 40 years after the original, near the lake as well, but I won't be in that. They offered me a role as the youngest of Jason McCullough and Miss Prudence' eight daughters, but there's no way I can do it and everything else I've booked. James Garner's character, who is by now the territorial governor, is going to discover gold there. They have the town already set up on one of the studio lots in Hollywood, but they needed somewhere near a lake to do some location work, and we gave them a better price than the original place they were going to shoot. Daddy is going to be over the horse wranglers. They'll keep some of the horses in his stables and the rest in our stables. Daddy's talking about expanding his stables if there's a call for more stalls."
Penny showed Mrs. Timmons and the other women their remodeled kitchen. "The stove was already here," she explained. "The previous owner entertained a lot, so she bought a restaurant-quality stove with a built-in convection oven. There's a large freezer and a walk-in pantry. The brick oven is over here where it can vent outdoors."
"Oh, my," Mrs. Timmons said. "You are going to enjoy cooking in here."
"Leonard has his eye on the brick oven," Penny said. "Sela, it's a lot like yours at the farm in Connecticut. Leonard was so impressed with your homemade bread that he wanted to learn how to bake it himself. He has become quite the cook. We have been taking healthy cooking classes at the Cardiac Wellness Center, and we enjoyed them so much we took a class in bread making at the co-op. Leonard is looking forward to baking our own bread here. He even bought us a baking tube." She showed them the Pyrex tube and explained how they had learned how to bake perfectly round loaves in it. "Leonard's favorite is challah, a Jewish festival bread," she said. "One of the women at the university gave him starter for Amish Friendship Bread, and he is going to make that on Sunday. We'll be able to give all of you some starter after we get ours going."
Sela said, "I looked over your brick oven, and it's very nice, top of the line. You'll be able to bake anything with bread in it, not just bread proper, but other things like pizza, biscuits, hot rolls, and so forth. You've never had bread until you've had it baked in a brick oven."
"We left Leonard's VitaMix at the apartment for Sheldon, since I would make him sorbet if he was good, and we bought these two," Penny said, pointing to two VitaMixes still in their boxes. "One is a regular one, that we'll use a lot for smoothies and healthy soups, and the other grinds wheat and other grains. We can start with the whole grains, grind them, add the ingredients, and knead the dough into balls ready for their first rising. From there, we'll be able to shake the balls out onto a bread board, let them rise, and, if necessary, knead them again and do a second rising before we bake the bread. The DVD that came with the VitaMixes showed us how to grind our own peanut butter and make our own salsas, and we took a class in using them at Costco when we bought them. Before you know it, Leonard and I are going to be so healthy we won't know what to do with ourselves."
She took them in and showed them Sheldon's room.
"Why do you have Sheldon a room?" Bernadette asked.
"Raj is moving to the apartment tomorrow," Penny said, "But we figure there are going to be times when we have to take care of Sheldon, such as when Raj goes back to India to visit his parents this summer."
"I could move in and take care of him," Amy said.
"Well, we have this room just in case," Penny said. "Sheldon has already given us a list about what he thinks is wrong with the arrangement and demanded we sign an occupancy agreement. I reminded him I can always go back to his apartment, throw the list and the agreement down the elevator shaft, and hit him in the throat. I told him we're not signing anything, and he can just plan not to stay here if he wants a written agreement."
Sela talked with Wyatt about bringing her horses to his stables, since she was increasingly unhappy with the stable where she was housing them. They agreed to terms, and Wyatt said he would borrow JaQuan's SUV and use the horse trailer the previous owner of his property had left him to go get the horses the next morning if Sela would call the stables and tell them he was coming. He already had a young college student who was going to help him as the stable hand for both his and Leonard and Penny's stables, and the young man had some friends who would help out when they were hosting additional horses for movies.
Leonard and Penny told Sela she was welcome to ride over their property any time she wanted. They gave her a card with an RFID chip and had JaQuan program in a security code for her so she could access the gate at either Wyatt's ranch or theirs. Their other friends already had their cards and access codes. Penny and Sela arranged for Sela to come out to the ranch on Sunday so they could ride their horses over the property so Sela could see all the property's features.
Wyatt managed to get Leonard by himself and asked him if he would do him the honor of being his best man at his and Patti's wedding. Of course, Leonard agreed.
Leonard and Penny spent their first night in their new home. That afternoon workers had installed the special bed, on which each side was separately adjustable, that the physical therapist had recommended for both Leonard and Penny due to their injuries.
Penny and Leonard met in the middle and cuddled in their usual position.
. . .
Master Kim stood off to the side counting in Korean as Leonard and Penny, in their crisp new uniforms, practiced Basic Form Number 1 in their home gym.
"Hana. Dool. Set. Net. Tasut. Yussut. Ilgop. Yodel. Ahope. Yol."
He walked over and adjusted Penny's fist. "Always make fist tight first, then wrap thumb," he said. "Otherwise, you break thumb."
He looked at Leonard's posture. "Perfect," he said. "Dr. Leonard, you are a natural. Again."
He had them repeat the exercise until he was happy with their performance.
"First," he said, "I teach you how to move. Then I teach you how to hit and kick. We take baby steps. Both of you are doing very well. If we continue training at this pace, I can have both of you black belts in less than a year."
He led Penny and Leonard through some floor exercises, making minor corrections as they stepped and blocked, then stepped and punched. "You both have excellent form," he said. He asked Penny, "Are you a dancer?"
"Yes," Penny said. "I have always danced for fun, but, more recently, I have danced in my role as Castle's mother. I had dance and cheerleading lessons since I was six until I graduated high school. I recently started back taking dance."
"You move like a dancer," he said. "That is good. It will be very easy to teach you the proper way to move. And you," he said to Leonard. "Have you had martial arts training before?"
"We had some Tae Kwan Do when I was at math camp when I was younger, but we only had a few weeks," Leonard said. "I made it to orange belt, but everyone got their belts, no matter how badly they did. And I've never danced. My wife is getting me to take lessons, so I don't make a fool out of myself, but, as we say, I have two left feet."
"You move as if you have done this all of your life," Master Kim said. "When we spar, you do not seem to be afraid of getting hit."
"I've been hit all of my life," Leonard said. "And I was hit by a car and nearly killed two months ago. It's going to take a lot to scare me."
"That is good," Master Kim said. "I will teach you to not get hit unless you want to. Missy Penny, I already know what you did to those bad men who attacked you. You have the heart of a tiger. I will help you learn what to do with that ferocity. I think both of you are ready to begin working out with some of my students. If it is all right with you, starting next week, I will bring them to our workouts. You will need partners who are more advanced than you, and I have two students who will be perfect. There are also some stunt people I work with in the movies who will be working with Missy Penny on her movie, including Missy Penny's stunt double. I will see if they want to come and we do their training here at the same time. It works best if you have different people to spar. Did you order the training equipment I suggested?"
"Yes," Leonard said. He walked over to the edge of the workout area and picked up a catalog, which he brought over to Master Kim. He had flags on the pages where Master Kim had shown him the training devices he wanted him and Penny to use. "This, this, and this," he said. "I ordered everything you said."
"Excellent," Master Kim said. "As soon as they arrive, I will show you how to use them. Now, if Mr. Stevens will assist me, I will teach you your first wrist grip."
JaQuan walked over. He and Master Kim bowed. "Mr. Stevens," Master Kim said. "You were Navy Seal. You know Kuk Sool Wan wrist grips?"
"Yes, sir," JaQuan said.
"Very good. We do Self Defense Wrist Grip Number 1. If you would be so kind as to grab my wrist, please."
JaQuan grabbed Master Kim's wrist. Master Kim slowly demonstrated how he easily escaped the grip by rotating his wrist and stepping forward, breaking the grip. Then he did it again, quickly.
"See? Easy peasy," Master Kim said. "Now, Dr. Leonard, you work with me, Missy Penny, you work Mr. Stevens."
They practiced the escape for a few minutes.
"Excellent! That enough for today," Master Kim said. "Both of you do very good today, make me happy face. Tomorrow we do more of same."
As Master Kim drove away in his Chevy Van, Leonard remarked, "You know, JaQuan, it's amazing. The man is no bigger than I am, and he is six times world full-contact champion. He doesn't have a mark on him."
"The man is good," JaQuan said. "He's tough as nails, inside and out, and he is a consultant to the military, not just the movies. Did you know he has an MBA from Stanford?"
. . .
Penny and Leonard, dressed in evening attire, with Penny holding a single rose, stood in front of the green screen as the photographer took shot after shot. He took some of Leonard alone, some of Penny alone, some with Penny sitting and Leonard standing behind her, some of Leonard sitting with Penny standing behind him, and some of them as if they were slow dancing. He had the makeup artist make them up as they would have looked in the 1940s, with Penny with a permed wig with deep red lipstick wearing an evening gown with Leonard with his hair slicked back with a pencil-thin mustache and wearing a tuxedo. Then he had the makeup artist do them up as a 1950s couple. He then had them looking as if they were a 1960s couple, with Penny with teased hair, heavily lined eyes with thick false eyelashes and white lipstick and Leonard with a wig with hair down to his shoulders, wearing a Sonny Bono vest.
Kathy and Shauntay sat off to the side and periodically consulted with the photographer.