Of Paintings and Cakes
14th of September 1996
9pm
Apparently, according to Sleazy Mc-Crack Whore I have a tendency to become what she likes to call 'Social Phobic' around her. I wonder what got her to realise that I actually didn't want to be around her, was it the fact that she totally abandoned me when I need her the most or was it when I pretty much refused to be Wayne Kur (Jason-Andrew)'s god father. Or maybe she just isn't as oblivious as I thought she was.
It's been three days since I have written in you, it's kind of weird with only a few pages written in you already Edgar Junior but I am starting to see you in a new light, sort of like the new born diary, new feelings, new time etc...etc... However that is not the point. It is Mikey's party is in three days, I am giving him his other present at the party and I guess I should finish off my last diary entry.
You are probably wondering why I am using my sister as an opening line for a diary entry but I will get to that later, after I explain Mikey's birthday without getting interrupted by a call from a monkey (my father) who insisted to explain in excruciating long detail how beautiful the beach was in Hawaii, Jamia I think is jealous, she always wanted to go to Hawaii, I hate Hawaii not really.
Don't ask, I will explain if I ever get my eye sight back. Anyway so I had just joined the mothers club, Mrs. Way said she was making blankets for the homeless to give to the church, she said that Father Riley had asked her politely at the wedding to make some blankets for the homeless. Not a lot of people in our town do things together unless it's drug dealings or sexual intercourse, but there is one thing that brings our town together other than music and that is Father Riley, and if he wants you to make him 100 blankets for the poor, he will get 200 before he can blink an eye.
Father Riley, if anything is scary. If you looked at him in the Grocery Store buying lemons you wouldn't think he was a priest, but it's the new age and well if Gerard won't take me I will be the first homosexual priest, Father Riley is just starting a tradition. Scary as it is, I bet he could do an awesome sock slide down the church's crystal clean floor (note to self: must do some day. With or without Gerard!)
Renee had picked up so knitting things and Gerard and Jake had moved to the other room. Probably the living room or to the basement. The basement was the only place other than Gerard's room that I have never been in. According to whispers (Mikey's insane chatter) the basement is where Gerard keeps all of his artwork. I could totally see Gerard in one of those white things that artist's wears and those French heats that flop a bit at the end and a palette with paint on it. His tongue sticking out of his lips and his brush drawing a bright big sun.
For some reason Gerard drawing the sun is funnier than that episode of America's Funniest Home Videos when that gymnast landed on his cock instead of his feet. I would have hated to be him at that moment (I wonder if that dude can have kids? Poor thing, a passion ruining the beautiful organ that is called cock... Well maybe Sleazy Mc-Crack Whore should have dated him because then she wouldn't be pregnant or was pregnant and glowing all the freaking time. Only good things can glow, like Danny Toro and Ray Toro when he actually realises there is take-away stores that don't sell Spanish food, he nearly had an orgasm at the sight of MacDonald's.)
So then the door opened and Mikey walked in, like the room didn't slow down or anything, but he did walk into the room and decided that my lap was the next best thing and decided to sit on it. Not that I was complaining, other than the fact that Mikey has a freaking bony ass (and that I'd rather it be the other Way.) He then licked my face, it was kind of gross if I wasn't used to it. Mikey liked to talk with his tongue but get him near Alicia or Ray and he would start stuttering like an adorable bumblebee, luckily I don't do that around Gerard.
Some of us actually are smooth!
No matter what our subconscious tells us. So I got licked in the face by Mikey who had forgotten that his dad had just bought him a whole stack of CDs (OK it might have been four but really four CDs is a lot compared to what I usually got for my birthday, one time I got clothes. Who wants clothes for their birthday! It's just not right...unless you're a girl, and no being gay doesn't mean you actually like to get clothes for presents and drink strawberry fruit smoothies (no matter how nice they are) because we are normal sorta).
So Mikey being Mikey "Presents, Presents, Gimme" Mrs. Way off course coughed and rubbed at her forehead,
"Michael James Way do be polite or no chocolate cake" yes my eyes widened at the thought of having chocolate cake. Mrs. Way grinned at me, I think she is like the woman I am going to marry, though the only problem is that when I am old enough to marry her I would have to fight off Vincent who would probably be so old I would go to jail for beating up a man with a walking stick, but it's worth it because it's Mrs. Way. And it also helped that I was gay. Oh, and Mrs. Way should realise that threatening tone doesn't work on ANYONE anymore, and it helps that she doesn't know my middle name.
Unless Mikey told her? Michael James Way is going to die a painful death with spiders lots of spiders. If he did tell her, unless he likes spiders, then snakes lots of snakes...venomous snakes and I will cackle and Ray and Alicia can get married and I will dance and possibly cry. Anyway so this is getting to the good bit! So I had Mikey's spit on me, which I was sort of used to by now, then I told him I would give him his present later.
The best thing about the 'later' part was the fact that it didn't pass as a thought that Mikey would have relatives that would want to come and see him on his birthday to wish him a good one, you know I didn't really think of Mikey Way having any other relatives other than those two that invited them to that Wedding and I didn't see them for two weeks, that was really hard. If that happened again I would lock myself in Gerard's suitcase till he took me with him. I don't weigh that much and if i can fit into a locker i can fit into Gerard's suitcase at least i want to be there, and the bag won't taste of metal.
But Mikey having a family other than the Brady Bunch is really weird. Like I know of Cousin Andy who introduced Gerard too Horror Movies and possibly porn magazines. Though in all consideration Andy reminds me of cousin Robert maybe they met and had coffee with my sister at one of those sleazy conventions (that's a low blow, even for me...)? But Andy seems sort of cool, in a Robert sort of way but he didn't end up coming because apparently he lives in Chicago. Which is where everyone 'cool' lives. I wonder if that's where Gerard and Mikey lived before, I never really asked (note to self: ask them).
So prior to popular belief Mikey does have a family, so the phone rings and somehow and I have to figure out how Mikey did it, he got the Star Wars tune to be the bring bring sound. That would totally piss my father off, and I am pretty sure that Jamia likes star wars so it's a win win situation for the brother/sister thing Dad's pushing us to do. It was Uncle Charlie and his wife Connie. Charlie and Connie (guh sounds like some bad sitcom.) are apparently Andy's parents (what no Charlie Junior?) so they wished Mikey a happy birthday.
Is it just me or do those conversations seem really awkward, like people call you all throughout the day even though they are going to see you that night for the 'surprise party' that you totally don't know about. Then there all like:
"Oh HI Frank, HAPPY BIRTHDAY" and then I am all,
"thanks..." then there is like a long silence, I like to think that they are wrapping up the big present they are going to get me, it keeps me from biting my nails off in social phobia.
"So..." the person would usually drag out, "What have you got for your birthday so far?" which I find is really weird especially for people who call at like eleven am. The only present I usually get by eleven am are the money from mom and dad, and then this is how I answer,
"Oh you know, money, a packet of cigarette's a porno from Robo" and then it goes quite,
"Oh well good, so I am going to let you have a good day" which usually means "This is really awkward I hate fucking birthday calls...piss off and let me finish off my taco" so yes I think they are really awkward and when I grow up and have a Gerard I will not force myself to call Mikey on his birthday. Even if I am sure I would call him anyway just to wake him up at a piss ass time in the morning, like two or three am. So Charlie and Connie and their son Andy can't come to the dinner that night but they can come to the party next week. Maybe I should bring Robert, then he and Andy can bond over naked woman.
Why you would bond over that? I have no idea. But whatever. So after half an hour of Mikey trying not to have a seizure, this was because I refused to give him his present until the exact right moment, the exact right moment was going to be when Vincent was in the room. Because I don't think Mrs. Way would appreciate a naked woman on her counter. Vincent might, might though. Not saying he would. Anyway after half an hour of waiting, which passes by really fast at the Way's house. It's kind of like time doesn't matter there and it could be four in the morning or one in the afternoon and we would all still be partying. Well sort of anyway.
After half an hour I finally hand Mikey the present. We are alone well except for Renee, Jamia, Jake and Gerard but that sort of counts as alone because, well I don't know why, but we were alone. Alicia bought him a subscription to Wolverine the comic book or something and Mikey flailed a bit before hugging her. You know I have never seen them kiss except for that one time on the porch (where Gerard wrapped an arm around my shoulder *dies*), I think they must be celibate together.
Jamia didn't have a present but like seriously, she didn't really know that she was going to be staying at Mikey's house on his birthday so Mikey forgave her, I think he was still on the flail high from Alicia's present. Jake and Renee bought him a necklace with the letter A and M. At first he looks at them like 'WTF?' a necklace, Gerard is the poof not me. But then it slowly clicked into his small brain, and he blushed and pocketed it.
Duh it was for Alicia, such a selfish Mikey... Gerard painted Mikey a picture it was of the family (including me, can you believe that, he drew me in a picture for the first ever time and he made me look so good. Well not being vain but I do look better than Mikey who can't take his eyes off of Alicia. It's sort of sweet, sort of. We were all at Danny's Spanish Bull. The other kitchen away from home. THEN it was my turn to give my present. Which was the gay!porn. The once Cousin Robert bought me. So I handed it to him. He of course thought it was a comic book or something equally as cheap (or maybe even free from Alicia's dad). We could get comics any day.
So I handed it to him, He opened it slowly and then his eyes widened, like big tennis balls and his cheeks were red. Like real red. It was like someone had chucked a tomato at his head, it splattered without the seeds. I cackled with glee. I even think he's hands started to shake. I smirked,
"Open it up..." everyone looked puzzled except for me, you know I really should go out and buy him a book on sex or something, I mean if a half naked man on a front cover can make him blush imagine what a sex book would do to him, gay or straight... (remember for next year.) He blushed even more, if it was possible and then opened it up. His body like slowly relaxed after that but after he realised that it was a normal magazine he got this fire in his eyes.
I wouldn't say I was scared of the skinny dude because I don't think he would have like to cause a scene but his eyes they were on fire. Like come on, it was funny Edgar. Giving a straight person a gay magazine. If it was me I would be thankful and blush for totally other reasons. But I guess he didn't find it as funny as me. Well I did. So he hid the magazine under everything and took it up to his room. I was kind of disappointed Gerard didn't see it. I wanted to see how he would react.
Would he look at me all weird and like go into one of his Gerard protective shells were he grasps the locket into his hand and doesn't say much other than stare blankly into something like he was reminiscing in the past. Or would he kiss me? OK that might be a bit too far, but I could totally see him doing the first one. The mysteries of the locket. So fucking interesting Edgar. It's like I am on one of those TV shows girls watch.
Maybe if I steal the locket Gerard will get unhealthy and the only way I can save him is if we admit that we are each other's one true love. Tehehe, that'd be good. But slightly unbelievable. Nobody really takes those movies seriously, except for my mother, and SMCW.
Then the bell rang and I got to meet the grandmother Mikey talks about all the time. She was different from my grandmother at least, not that I don't like my grandmother it's that she is to 1930ish and not enough 1996ish so she really is kind of behind on anything. Though it's not like Elena went around when I met her saying things like "that's totally hip" or "dude" and thank the lord "homies".
Cause I think I would have been more frightened if she did say that then Mikey was with the porn magazine, and just for the record Edgar, Mikey punches hard for a little dude. Like really hard. So Elena comes in with her husband and we all sit around the table for dinner. I think Jamia felt a bit out of place, even though she shouldn't have. The Way's are welcoming to anyone; I reckon they would take a bum off the street if they could.
Elena for the whole dinner looked happy about something, she was an amazing story teller. Though the best thing about her were her eyes, she had eyes like Gerard. They sparkled when they were saying something that meant so much to them. Like ask Gerard about art and he will ramble on till he can't speak anymore and then blush and apologize. I think it's cute. Makes me want to pinch his cheeks kiss him till I die of lack of oxygen
Then it was desert time and Elena brought out this HUGE chocolate cake. It was like HUGE. Bigger than the cake at my dad's wedding and it was beautiful. It kind of reminded me of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. That introduction should be illegal. Imagine sitting in the cinemas when that came out. It would be like drool... I bet if I filmed it, I wouldn't be behind the camera but in the chocolate drinking it all up like Augustus Gloomp or whatever the hell his name was. Except I would not die at the end.
Though death by chocolate is a pretty good way to die amongst other things... Though we are not talking about death we are talking about the HUGE chocolate cake. So it was HUGE! Beautiful, epic and I got to have a big piece of it. It tasted like a chocolate river with loads of chocolate and not enough of anything else and the chocolate writing didn't actually taste like crap. So I went back for seconds. I will never do that again, it made me feel sick that WHOLE night. Too sick to even write in you.
But probably the best part and worst part of the night was when Elena cornered Gerard in the lounge room, in a non kinky way because not only are they related but they are like 60 years apart or something, that's like six decades or something. I know it was Mikey's birthday s I wonder why she was bouncing and so eager to talk to Gerard, I knew I also shouldn't have been ears dropping but I was, and I feel only a tiny bit guilty for that, but what Elena said next ruined the day (and this week) forever.
She was going to send Gerard away to Art School...