I'm so so so so so so so so so sorry I made you guys wait so long! I hope the length makes up for it; life just got the best of me and I've been struggling to keep my head above water these past few weeks. Again, I'm really sorry for not updating sooner. I hope you guys can forgive me! Thanks to all those who reviewed last chapter; I was really happy to have a few new faces review as well. (: Enjoy the latest chapter of Spirit's Life!

()()()()()()

"It's not like I don't hear what you're saying."

Joseph paced the room, thinking after listening to the Joes' story. I certainly didn't get what they were saying. Some man had disguised himself as the humans' Alpha and was trying to . . . what? Take over the world? But, he'd had my packmates killed; that couldn't be forgiven easily. That's probably why I ignored all the technicalities of what they were saying; I just wanted to know who I could bite and where. I'd shifted back into my German shepherd form shortly after the Joes had started to tell their story, and I kept shifting restlessly on my bed as I watched them. My paws itched, and I just needed something to do.

While the others were talking, I finally just rose, too agitated to just sit and listen to all of them talk; I never had been a talker. Or a listener, for that matter. I exited the room, heading for the back door. With a simple, practiced ease, I opened the door with my jaws, using my nose to help me push it open before I slipped outside into the fresh, twilight air. The backyard was actually pretty spacious, filled with trees and a neatly manicured lawn with just as neatly trimmed bushes. I made my way for the doghouse that sat in the back; Joseph had made it for me when he'd found that I preferred staying outside sometimes. I still went out a few times a week to just lay under the Goddess's skies, feeling Her light on my fur. I kept to my German shepherd form, since it wouldn't do to scare the neighbors with the sight of a wolf in Joseph's backyard.

I heaved a sigh, slipping into the doghouse before turning around and resting my head on my paws as the faint light of the moon started to shine from the slowly darkening sky. It was a full moon, that much I took notice of. I could still hear faint arguments from inside, but I tried not to pay too much attention to them; I couldn't exactly trust these people yet. I knew that a friend of Duke's should have been a friend of mine, but I still felt a little rusty after over a year in retirement. As much as I wanted to avenge my packmates, I didn't want to get them killed because I forgot something. I snorted, flicking my ears back before looking back up at the skies.

You're making excuses, I grumbled to myself before frowning mentally. But excuses for what? I raised my head from my paws, eyes still on the full moon as it grew stronger in light. Why was I all of the sudden making excuses for not wanting to fight for the Joes? Not being friends with someone hadn't stopped me before. I rose and gave myself a fierce shake, turning a couple of circles before I laid down again, mostly hidden in the shadows of my doghouse.

A cold warmth spread through my gut, and I snarled a warning.

I don't have time for you, I mentally snapped, tucking my head to nip at my chest, as though that would prevent Phoenix from trying to take advantage of my distracted thoughts. Leave me alone!

It's hard to do that when all you think about is me.

I jerked upright, hitting my head on the roof of the house. I snarled, using a paw to pat at my throbbing head, before I glared down at my chest. You have no right!

I have every right, Phoenix replied smoothly. This was the first time Phoenix had actually spoken to me from within my own thoughts; the last time I'd "spoken" with her had been inside of Jean's head, when she'd threatened that she'd make me pay for destroying her. Which she had by making me go feral and forcing the X-Men to kill me. I was actually a little surprised, and frightened, by the fact that she sounded like Jean.

You have no right! I repeated angrily. I heard her sigh in my head, faint, like she was just barely there.

Don't be rash, puppy, she mocked bitterly. I have no interest in taking over. Not today, at least.

Then why taunt me? I asked with a soundless snarl, baring my fangs at my furred chest. Why bother interfering at all?

The reason for your excuses is because you are afraid, Phoenix told me, her mocking voice grating.

I am not afraid of anything, I snapped back.

Phoenix chuckled faintly in my head, and the coldness in my chest seemed to pulse with her voice. Oh, puppy, she said, her voice almost genuinely sad and disappointed. You are so much more afraid than you care to admit. You fear losing these people, as you've lost everything else. You fear being alone, despite what you tell yourself at night. You fear me, of course, despite all your bravo. And, finally, you fear being abandoned by your pack. Again.

Images started to come up to my mind this time, brought up by Phoenix. I caught glimpses of my packmates. Real ones this time. Wolf pups tumbled around me as we played, a mated pair watching us on top. The image changed, to gunshots and blood. The wolf pups ran, leaving me, the runt, on my own. I tried to follow, but it was too late, as a merciless hand grabbed my scruff and threw me into a bag.

"Enough!" I screamed, not even realizing that I'd changed into my human form. I punched a fist towards the ground, needing something, anything, to get my thoughts away from my past.

A gentle fist closed over my own before it made contact against the stone pathway. I looked towards the owner, tears streaming down my face. Joseph knelt down beside me, still holding my fist.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked calmly, resting his other hand on my shoulder as they shook with silent sobs.

When I shook my head, he just pulled me close and let me cry on his shoulder without saying another word.

()()()()()()

When I finally managed to pull myself back together, I ran a hand down my tear streaked face, sniffling like a pup with a cold. I didn't care though, too hollow and empty to care. Phoenix was beating me down, bit by bit. I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to hold out against her.

Joseph didn't utter a word the entire time I cried, not even mentioning the fact that I was once again naked. He helped me to stand once I was done and leading me into the house. He fixed tea, chamomile if the sweet flowery scent was anything to go off of, before making me sit on the couch next to him.

"Now," he said, taking a sip of his own tea, "do you want to talk?"

I gave a half-hearted scoff, tasting my tea. The gentle scent helped to soothe my nerves, and I slowly began to relax. "How much do you know about my past?" I asked him flatly, eyes on the yellowish liquid in my cup as I held it between my chilled hands. I took note of how the trio of Joes from earlier were gone, probably off trying to do something about the imposter President.

"Most of it," Joseph admitted. "Hawk gave me your entire file, though I think some of it were guesses based on how choppy it was. I know that you fought with the mutants in San Francisco, though you were never physically there; he said something about you having some kind of debilitating mental thing going on, and it still effects you, or something along those lines."

"You could say that," I started before giving a deep breath. Then, I told him the whole story.

()()()()()()

Joseph listened without interrupting, sipping periodically from his tea when I did. When I finally finished, we'd both gone through about three cups of tea, though I knew that he probably desperately wanted a beer. But, for my sake, he stuck with tea.

"Sounds like you went through the ringer," he finally said once I finally fell silent, finishing with my episode of what had happened outside.

"I guess you could say that," I said softly, tapping a fingernail against the edge of my empty cup. Joseph had dropped a blanket over my shoulders when he'd refilled our cups, and I'd pulled it around me to hide my nakedness; not that I was ashamed, of course.

"So, this Phoenix character thinks that you are making excuses because you don't want to lose anyone else?"

When I nodded, Joseph slammed down his mug, hard enough that I jumped, startled. "Well, bullshit," he said, eyes growing hard. "We all lose people, Spirit. Hell, people die everyday. Whether they be mutant or human or alien; everyone dies. I bet even you'll die, someday, despite what you might believe. You can't stop everyone from dying; no one can, and no one should. I'm afraid of losing people anytime I step out of this house. I could die climbing those mountains every time I go hiking, or anytime I get into a car. I could accidentally kill someone at night with my car as they're crossing the road. Not doing something isn't going to save lives, Spirit. Doing nothing at all sure as hell isn't going to save lives. And you staying here, mopping, will only make you miserable."

I stayed quietly, letting his words sink in. "You're right," I finally said, chewing on my lower lip. "I have been afraid of losing more people, especially after the Joes. I just . . . I just don't want to lose anyone else."

Joseph snorted, rolling his eyes. "And that's a load of bull," he snapped. "I won't sugarcoat it: you will lose someone else, probably more than one person. But would you rather sit here, having an uninteresting life? Or would you rather be out actually making something of yourself? You can't sit here like a dog for the rest of your days; you need to get off of your ass and do what you were made to do."

I raised my hands in exasperation. "Which is what, Joe?" I asked him, snapping back. "The scientists made me to kill."

He startled me when he started to shake his head. "That's where you're wrong, Sprite," he said easily as he stood up. "You were made to save."

()()()()()()

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please, please, please review! Again, sorry for the wait, and I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I am able.

ML out