A/N: Thank you lovelies for reading and reviewing!

So BtE, as of right now, has 9 chapters and an epilogue left.

Thanks to Kat for letting me babble about my issues with my story. Bublichka for being an awesome beta.

Disclaimer: I don't own this.

It was Thursday so that meant one thing.

Earlier that day, Edward and I headed over to the firehouse for the weekly ritual. We were running a little late because Edward had some after school work at the Forks Gazette newspaper. He was preparing a few 'Notable Grads' highlights for the end of the year issue, including Emmett and his full scholarship.

After setting up The Ghost and the wood, I fucking skipped to my car to get my backpack.

I opened up the front door and scanned for it on the passenger seat. It wasn't there. My eyes traveled to the floor; nothing was there. The truck bed was scrutinized and still no sign of my bag.

Did I forget it?

I walked back over to where Edward sat.

"Where's your bag?" He asked.

"Um…I don't know. I think I might've forgotten it at the house," scratching my head in wonder.

I never forget my bag. Ever.

It's where I kept everything. All my supplies. Everything I lived for was in that bag. How could I have forgotten what I lived for?

Edward hopped to his feet. "Do you want to go back and get it?"

I was really disturbed that something like this happened. That thing was almost always attached to my shoulders and back. Was my enthusiasm really warranted?

"No…I think I'll skip it today." Because even though I could be back here in no time, my high for getting to burn today had been deflated. On my own account no less.

The backpack sat next to my desk, zipped up and stuffed. The thing was mocking me as it sat desolate and unused. I continued to give it curious glances as Edward and I settled in to do some homework.

After a rousing round of English essay questions, Edward and I watched some television.

Last I remembered I had fallen asleep on Edward's chest watching a Mythbusters' marathon.

=X=X=X=X=X=X=

The sound of a soft 'click' awoke me from my late afternoon slumber. My eyes slowly opened, staring down a lens.

Edward was kneeling beside my bed, his camera set on me. I moaned, moving my hand to shield the offending thing; another 'click' came from the camera.

My mopeyness was shining through and through when he woke me up. "What is so interesting about me sleeping?" I mumbled against the pillow.

"It's peaceful watching someone sleeping. They look less tensed. Less stressed."

"Do I look stressed?"

"Yes. And you talk when you sleep."

"I knew that. Anything worth noting?"

His camera blocked most of his face, but I saw the end of his mouth curl up into his trademark lopsided grin.

"Nope, you can't hide from me. What did I say?"

The camera 'clicked' again before he attempted his best imitation of my voice, " 'Edward'… 'I want it.'… 'I need it.'"

He sniggered behind the lens before capturing my shocked blush to memory. "I did not say that."

"'Edward oh Edward.'" Another 'click'. Another snigger.

"Now you're just flattering yourself, mister." I couldn't help but smile at him.

"'Edward, closer.'" He could barely hold it together, as the camera went off once more.

I grabbed it out of his hand, holding it hostage on the other side of the bed. Edward's expression changed quickly, anger replacing the jovial manner from a second ago.

He kneeled on the bed, intentionally reaching over to try and get back his precious camera.

Edward always succeeded well at distracting me; his gaze burned on mine as he threw his leg over my body to straddle me. He leaned forward, his nose and lips inches from mine; One small move. Bella. One small step to yummy lips. Just grab his face and kiss him.

In one swift move, my hand relinquished the camera on to the bed. My hands grabbed the sides of his face, pressing his lips firmly to mine. Our mouths attacked and then Edward pulled back before I could throw in some tongue action.

My lips were still pursed and savoring the moment, when I heard that damn 'click' again.

"Edward! Why?" pounding my hands into the comforter.

"You're very cute when you sleep."

"Well, right now I'm angry." Another 'click'. "You're bothering me with that thing." I gestured with my head toward the offending lens.

"Nah, you were bothered before." Edward's hand adjusted the focus.

Conceding, I sulkily crossed my arms. The dark green bag was the receiver of my angry gaze.

Having a clear view from above, he softly said "What's the matter, love?"

"It's nothing." Was I making a big deal of nothing? "I'm just mad about…my backpack."

"People forget things all the time Bella." His camera came to rest just above his stomach, dangling from its strap.

"But, it's like a limb went missing from me. Would you ever forget your camera?"

He didn't answer. It scared me a little bit.

'Click'.

I picked at invisible dirt in my fingernails. "I don't know. Last night, I found a really cool item I wanted to burn. I don't know if you feel like this, but when I burn something that has meaning to me, it's more…rewarding. And I was so hyped to do that. Or at least I thought I was."

I had spent the night before thinking about what to burn. I would've loved to set my SAT practice books on fire, but Edward mentioned something about having a few more weeks of classes, so no burning that yet.

I sifted through some papers that I could burn, but I found nothing that sparked my interest. Even my usual suspects seemed downright boring. Usually I wouldn't care what it was, as long as it melted or burned on contact. What is wrong with me?

Pulling out my clothes for school the next day, I stared at the teal dress that I purchased so long ago. At the time, it was bought because it was convenient and fit okay. The whole dress buying experience I had wanted to avoid as much as possible. The teal dress was practically the first thing I saw when I walked in the door and that worked for me. As far as the way it looked, I knew of at least one person who wasn't a fan of it.

Alice knew fashion, but more importantly, I think she knew what was best for me.

Trying it on now, I felt like a wolf in sheep's clothing. The color made me look sallow and pale, when I knew there was more life present. The way it hung on my shoulders made me look like a member of the Queen's army. The length was the only saving grace, but wasn't enough to prevent it from me making up my mind.

I took off the garment and threw it into my backpack.

I felt the relief already from the thought.

Then it backfired on me when I failed to remember it.

Glancing up at Edward, I didn't even realize he was snapping away. I wasn't sure what he was seeing through his lens; probably some sad, distraught girl; upset about something as stupid as forgetting her backpack.

My hand ran up and down his jean clad thigh, the rhythmic movement comforting me. "How do I forget something like that, Edward?" It was a desperate whisper, gripping at my chest.

One final 'click' and Edward placed the camera on the bed. "You have other priorities. School. Friends. Boyfriends. Well, boyfriend." His fingers ignited sparks against my arms, tracing lines to the crease of my elbow. "You need to balance things." They journeyed to my neck. Splayed on either side, they ran from under my ears down to my collarbone. His touch burned and relieved me.

Closing my eyes and leaning into his touch I said, "But…I'm a…horrible planner."

"I don't think that's the same thing." His hands fiddled with the buttons of my shirt. "You need…synergy."

One by one my buttons came undone, singeing the threads of my will.

"I just…want to be able to keep you and my fire fun."

"Who says you can't?"

"No one, it just seems like I can't hold onto everything sometimes." My breathing grew harsher with each admission. The truth was being touched out of me.

"Why is that?" My shirt open, Edward leaned forward to plant blazing kisses to my jaw. His hands slide the shirt off my shoulder, revealing bra and skin.

"Because…" I sighed out. "…I've never had to before. Hold onto so much, I mean. How do you do it? Your hobby, the paper…me."

"I combine the things I love." Edward pulled away, grabbing his camera again to take another picture of me.

"You already go to the firehouse with me though. You've watched me burn things. I've been to events with you. What else is there, Edward?" Between breaths, I struggled to let him know that I've done it all.

Edward moved to lie next to me, placing his camera on the floor. Leaning his elbow on my pillow, his eyes trained on mine "What else do you want?"

"I…don't know." Feeling uncomfortable, I pushed Edward closer. His shirt buttons twirled and popped open under my fingers. Confessing into his slowly exposed chest, "Fire's always been there."

I looked up into eyes of green thought, eyebrows knit together in concern. "But?"

Through out the years, I had always wanted someone who would understand my passion for my hobby. In a town so small, it became apparent that I wouldn't find it here. Eyes wouldn't look at me with appreciation, but with distaste.

We laid together, as I continued my gazing at one spot on chest. Mindlessly, I ran my fingers along it, playing with the tiny hairs I had discovered.

"I secretly waited for the day I would get over this hobby." The confession constricted against my chest. "I mean, who was I kidding? What was I going to do with this anyway? It's not something a grown adult does. A respectable person doesn't burn Barbie dolls or throws fits when they never get the chance to spend a Thursday setting fires."

Burning wasn't an activity that could come to fruition and turn into something I could do for a living. Real people are doctors, nurses, work in offices, teach kids. They likely participated in sane activities like sports, musical theatre…photography.

Beyond my feet, I looked at the SAT books that sat on my desk. Signing up for it felt like a huge step, acknowledging that I was looking beyond where I was. It meant responsibility; something I never had much of. Other than with safety matters, Charlie never gave me much to be responsible for.

"What makes you think you aren't a respectable person, Bella? You have great grades, in AP courses no less. You have a job. You don't sneak around and do drugs or alcohol."

"But, the burning Edward…how does that fit in there? How does that align with any of that? It doesn't."

"Who says it has to? Bella, you can do whatever you want with your spare time." He kissed the top of my head before whispering, "Do you want me to spend less time with you burning?"

"No, I like sharing it with you. I wish there were more people like you who understood the passion for what I do. Especially here."

"There are people beyond Forks, Bella. I'm positive there are places out there for lovable pyros like you."

Meeting his eyes, I saw promise. I kissed his nose, chin and mouth in appreciation.

The tightness in my chest dissipated considerably as I snuggled closer to Edward.

There could be a way to hold onto this.

There's a solution for everything.

=X=X=X=X=X=X=

Migraine! Ugh! Okay, no more internal monologue. The right side of my head felt like it was run over by a cement truck, hit with a wrecking ball and a jackhammer drilling evilly into my brain. I took medicine and that shit can only be taken twice a day! And excuse me pushy drug companies, but this pain lasts more than eight hours!

No more yelling. No more internal thoughts…shhh…ahhh fuck! Searing pain!

My head rested on my pillow, the second most comfortable spot in the world; the first belonged to the chest of someone who wasn't with me at the moment.

I tucked my phone under my ear, against the pillow. "I'm not going to school today." I couldn't believe I was disappointed at that prospect.

"You don't sound too good." Edward's voice was always quiet, which I was utterly grateful for.

"I have a migraine. Like 'taking a baseball bat to the side of my head' bad." I groaned at the image…and again when I had to use my brain to conjure up that picture.

Edward's sigh filled my ear, "I'll be there after first period."

I should've felt horrible, but I needed a glimmer of hope at making this shitty day less so. "Okay." I breathed out, pressing the 'end' button.

The sun coming in through my window was blinding, but I was way too lazy to get up and close the curtain. I pulled the comforter over my head, my eyelids closed for a few minutes and waited for what will hopefully be the best part of my day.

Edward must've sped over to my house because he arrived within five minutes of ending our call. His shoes thudded to the floor, as Edward lifted the covers to join me underneath them.

"Thanks." I scooted closer to him, finding my place against his chest. The ache in my head somehow calmed with one whiff of his scent.

His hand ran up and down my back. "Did you take anything for it?"

"Yeah, really early in the morning and about two hours ago. I can't take anymore for the rest of the day." My arm pushed him closer to me, as if it would wield away the pain.

"Would you like a cold rag?"

"But that means you have to get up."

He found that way too amusing. "You're no use to me when you're sick." Edward hopped out of bed and went to my bathroom.

Squinting from the sun flooding my room, I caught a glimpse of him searching for the facecloths. "Under the sink, in the back." I tried to project but was way too tired and moving my jaw too much triggers the headaches.

After situating myself on my back , Edward placed the damp rag over my closed eyes. The darkness was nice, but I couldn't see Edward.

I heard him chuckle right near my ear. "You can't see anything I'm doing."

"If you snoop around my room, I'll fuck up your shit." I didn't care if he was my boyfriend, he will pay. Probably more so than if it was anyone else.

Edward's hand held my cheek, sending chills throughout my body. "I wasn't referring to that, but this." His tickling breath hit my mouth first, before he sucked on my bottom lip. The tip of his tongue met mine briefly, before he returned to my ear. "But since you put the idea out there…" The bed shifted as Edward moved away from me.

"You're dead. You know that?" Being blind, I helplessly felt for something of his; maybe something that'll cause some damage. A girl's shit is her business.

"Don't worry. I'm not snooping." His voice came from the general direction of the side of the bed.

My hands searched again, finding the fabric of his shirt. Sitting up, I plopped the rag down on my night table. Kneeling behind him, I wrapped my arms around his neck. "You know if you looked at my stuff that meant I get to look at yours." I quietly threatened.

"So if you look at mine, I can look at yours." His hand reached back and squeezed one of my butt cheeks.

That boy! Tilting his head to the side, I bit down on the mark I left him a few days earlier. He hissed in response.

That Saturday together was so great. It was an overall happy day and I'm sure we looked like two idiots in love. Or maybe two stupid people who liked photography too much.

Not only that, but afterward was fucking great too. I blush like a girl when I think about his body, lips, tongue…mmm tongue.

Edward's problem never came up while we had fun in the back of his car that night either. When I got home, I thought about what was different. Was it because we were out on a date? It was pretty late at night, maybe he did better in the midnight hours. Maybe it could've been because we were in the back of a car?

It seemed really silly to try to redo it all. It would be like trying to realign the stars.

But, we recreated the elements of that date, down to my outfit and a parking lot similar to the one we were in. It seemed crazy, but I would do that all the time if it meant we could have more time together.

The effort didn't really matter because we had to stop. And it seemed like he had to quicker than usual.

At school, our sessions in the janitor closet were also getting shorter and shorter. Hell, we even had time to spare to hang out with Alice and Jasper for once at lunch. Which, wasn't necessarily a bad thing; I definitely didn't want to turn into one of those girls who depended on their boyfriend all the time.

"And the two bunnies join us." Jasper would joke from his spot against the wall, Alice stifling a giggle. Edward and I fussed our hair into the best non-make out looking mess we could. There isn't much you can do about swollen lips, however.

If only they knew. Or at least Alice.

This whole thing was so stressful and definitely made me feel small. I felt like this was bigger than me. Than us. Edward was trying hard, kept pushing himself to the brink until he had to absolutely pull away.

Everything felt like it was getting worse.

And I was a chicken shit and embarrassed to talk about it to anyone.

I returned to the message boards, seeking comfort in knowing that what I'm feeling isn't completely untrue. Words of encouragement and patience were the clear cut message. Some people even suggested slowing down the physical intimacy further, enjoy simple things like hand holding, and let it all happen naturally.

Somehow, I still felt hopeless. Yes, these people knew what I was going through, but they didn't know me. I really didn't want to discuss my stunted emotions with complete strangers. I guess neutrality in this situation doesn't exactly work.

Maybe I should talk to Alice. Vent it out.

The perfect opportunity came when Alice was fitting me for a dress she was going to make. Another Cullen affair, Carlisle's birthday, was happening soon and I promised Alice she could make me a dress from back on New Years.

"I'm thinking one of these." Alice laid out a few pieces of paper in front of me, drawings of her dress ideas. Sitting next to me, she waited for my answer, pencil bouncing against her lips.

"That's a cool color." The little swatch in the corner of the paper was a deep blue, and the dress she drew was modestly cut. Lots of neck showing. Pushing my choice back to her, I said "I like this one."

"Excellent. Edward liked this one too." No wonder.

Stepping onto the platform in front of the three way mirror, she began to measure me. Months ago, I won't have been able to stand in front of anyone in nothing but my bra and underwear. Now it was nothing. Alice had helped me shower, so this was tame compared to that.

She also shared her secret with me that day, obviously looking to make me feel better and show that she understood what it was to be down in the dumps. To have to go through something and try to come out happier and more comfortable with yourself.

"God, it's hot in here. When is this heat going to let up?" Alice stepped down from the platform, removing her wig and hat. She sighed out happily, likely feeling the air of the room on her scalp. "Much better."

Happy and comfortable. Maybe I can share with her without it being embarrassing.

Alice returned to me, wrapping the yellow measuring tape around my bust line, pencil hanging from her mouth.

"Say Alice?"

"Yes?", her words muffled by the writing tool between her teeth.

I briefly smiled at her as she moved to find the size of my waist. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

As Alice continued her work, I spoke about Edward's issue. From what happened on our first night, our make outs at school, the talks we've had about his issue and up into our experimenting with common elements. At first it was hard to talk about the personal nature of it, but I never heard a single complaint or word of disgust from her. It encouraged me to completely let go and say it out loud.

"I'm really fucking scared, Alice. I don't want there to be anything majorly wrong with him. What if there is? I don't know if I can handle that kind of thing." I swiped away a single tear that had begun to fall.

When she finished jotting down my numbers, she grabbed my hand and encouraged me to sit down in one of the plush chairs in the room. She walked to a coat hangar, handing me a bathrobe to put on; I had all but forgotten that I was in my underwear and bra.

"When I first told Jasper about my alopecia, I was afraid that he would leave. Guys love girls with long hair, something to run their hands through in the throes of passion. They don't want to witness a girl's hair falling out with one simple stroke of their brush." Alice scratched a small bald spot on the top of her head, pushing some of the hair she had to try and cover it. "I told him after the first couple of dates we went out. And he said 'I'll be honest. It weirds me out a little bit, but if you hadn't told me, I wouldn't have cared otherwise.'"

"Bella, I wish I can say that things come easy in relationships, but they don't. I can tell you that honesty is the best policy and you are doing just that." Alice's small, earnest hands held one of my own. "You are telling him and that is the correct step. He knows that you are trying, both of you are. My advice is to just keep being honest with each other, and you will find what works best for both of you."

So, I officially decided to bring up those techniques I had previously mentioned to Edward.

"Edward?" I whispered from behind him, as our hands interlaced.

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to…work on it today?" My chin fell to his shoulder, my nose in perfect smelling range of his neck.

"Okay." I always loved his quiet, simple answers.

I unwrapped myself from around him. "Alright, um, lie down." I said, moving back on my knees and giving Edward room to lie back onto the bed.

Once settled, he looked to me. Why is he looking at me? Oh right, you're the one with the instructions. Okay…oh for fucks sake… "Umm…shit. I forgot what to do next." I nervously laughed, clasping my hands together.

Edward was about to say something, when I remembered. "I printed them out." Scurrying off the bed to my desk, I almost tripped and fell over my backpack. Nothing like breaking your fucking ankle before helping your boyfriend with his penis problem.

My desk had grown exponentially messy in the last week.

"Found it." I pounced back on the bed. Crawling close to him I said, "This is a list of things that we could do. And some things you can do as well. Like homework."

"What kind of homework?"

"Well, it says that you could…you know…." Grow up, Bella. Geez. "It helps to practice daily too."

His cheeks reddened, as he fiddled with his hands. "Oh…I sort of…already do homework. Daily."

I blushed too, imagining Edward sweating over his homework. "Ah, good." I flipped to the next set of advice, folding the corner into a hard crease.

Staring at the very first step on the page, this all felt so weird. The situation was far from what I ever expected and I was thinking this was bigger than me. That this was too difficult and crazy for me.

I peeked up at Edward, who was staring at me from above the paper. Did he think this was completely ridiculous too? Is he really okay with all this? It really can't be this right, can it?

"You okay?" Edward ran his hand up and down the top of my thigh.

"Yeah, just trying to memorize some of this." Pushing down the nervous energy, I tried to channel it into something I can use.

"We don't have to do this now, if you don't want to."

"No, I want to. Now, it says that you…" Maybe I should just do the stuff instead of saying it out loud. Maybe it'll be less like instructions and more personal. Placing the paper behind me, I pressed my lips to his neck. The pulse I kissed slowly picked up its pace, as if each peck I placed pushed another button. My hand found the buttons of his shirt, slowly plucking them from their holes.

The goal was to turn him on enough before he was fully aroused. I watched out for his breathing, as I knew it sped up whenever we got hot and heavy. Also, his hands tended to grab almost anything and everything of mine when he couldn't take anymore. And finally, the last thing his lips always touched was my neck.

My fingers splayed across his chest, working their way down to the hem of his t-shirt. He pulled my head back from his neck, urging me to meet his lips. Our mouths collided, as my hands journeyed up and down his chest and stomach.

Edward found my thigh and hitched it over his hip. We were getting lost in the moment all too soon, as I felt him getting a little excited. Whispering against his lips I said, "Do you feel a 'tickling' sensation?"

He paused for a second before answering. "No." His voice was gruff and breathless; He was definitely showing signs of his breaking point.

"Good." I sat up on my elbow, looking him in the eye and hopefully encouraging him "If you ever feel it a little bit, they say we should stop."

He nodded.

Nervously licking my lips, I continued. "Okay, the next part…" With measured slowness, the hand that was under his shirt descended to the button of his jeans. Beneath my palm, I descended down to his stomach over the trail of hair that led to where I would end up. The pop of the round metal bounced against the walls with anticipation.

I tried to calm my nerves as we were going somewhere we'd never been before. Everything was constantly told and never showed. And even being showed doesn't always mean you would understand. You have to touch to really feel, in more ways than one.

Dipping below his boxers, both of our breathing picked up as my fingers slowly found him. Hesitantly I lightly held him, afraid to apply any kind of pressure. Hair, skin and warmth wrapped around my hand, taking in new textures.

Peeking up at him from under my lashes, I watched his face contort into deep grooves. The lines between his eyebrows were etched like carvings in stone. His eyes were so sealed shut, it looked like you needed a crowbar to pry them open. Breathing had all but stopped from his mouth.

I need to relax him.

"Edward?"

He couldn't even speak, and barely nodded at me.

"Edward, look at me."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"If I look at you…holding me, I won't be able to…hold on."

"Okay, what do you want me to do then? I'm not sure how this works."

"I need to slide my pants down." Edward's hands, which had been fisted into my covers, let them go and pushed his jeans past his hips. "And my boxers."

The cold air of the room hit the back of my hand as the fabric came down.

Once Edward's bottom half was bare, I was beyond tempted to peek. But, I would feel like a shitty girlfriend for doing something that would make him uncomfortable. Instead, I gazed up at him as he struggled to keep himself together.

"Hey?" I feared that he might've stopped every single sense in his body. "If this hurts, we can stop."

I witnessed the first wave of relief since we started. "This is far from painful." Edward chuckled; clearly my statement was way off base.

It's funny how when we're younger, we are disgusted with any part of our opposite genders anatomy. Girls and boys had cooties. If a boy had bothered to plant a kiss on my cheek, I would undoubtedly wipe it away with my hand.

Never would I have guessed to feel such warmth spread through me with him in my hand. I was holding him and tingles and goose bumps spread through me, making me wonder…what other things I could do with it.

Focus, Bella.

Although he couldn't see it, a crooked smile of my own flashed on my lip. "Okay, good." I prepared myself for the next part, surely the hardest one. "Now, I'm going to…move up and down. Stop me if the 'tickling' occurs."

Slowly, I slid up and down. My eyes were glued to Edward, as I watched the emotions play on his face. He was really still at first, but the breathing through his nose revealed what was happening under the surface.

After I stroked him a few times, air shot raggedly out of his nostrils and a throaty, primal groan came from him. I closed my eyes, bit my lip and concentrated on the growing arousal in my hand…and within me.

Oh My God. I just want to kiss him all over…his neck…his chest…a little lower…

I shook my head, ridding myself of the thought of doing those things for now. My hand had tightened around him from my musings, causing another sound to leave Edward's lips.

We were doing alright so far; nothing had happened within the few minutes we were doing this. Maybe we can progress. "Do you want me to go faster?"

He nodded, humming as I stroked once more. I picked up the pace, applying slightly more pressure.

His eyebrow quirked, his hands fisted into my comforter. Edward hadn't responded in words since I started my movements though. It was obvious that he was enjoying this, but I wanted to know what was going through his head.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"Uhn…just…shit. Don't make me say it." Every word sounded like it was being beaten out of him. In an essence it is, Bella.

"What? Is it embarrassing?"

"Embarrassing…not what I want to think…"

I don't think he realized I held something valuable in my hand. "Spill. Out with it."

He grunted out, as I squeezed him. "Uhn, cauliflower."

Come again? My hand effectively stopped mid-stroke.

"Cauliflower? As in the vegetable?" My eyebrows knit in confusion, my mouth in a bewildered sneer.

He admittedly nodded.

"Why?" I have to say, I know nothing about what should be on someone's mind when getting a hand job, but an obscure piece of food definitely seemed a little bit of a stretch.

"More of the smell. It's disgusting."

Why is he thinking about something vile while I'm doing this? "That doesn't make any sense."

"Cauliflower is nasty, Bella. It reminds me--"

"No, not why you hate it. Is that what's really on your mind when I'm touching you?"

I think Edward was seriously considering taking back what he said, as silence filled the room. "Yes."

I think I might cry. "Oh.", I quietly murmured, staring at the breast pocket of his shirt.

"Hey?" He called to me. "I wish I could think of you."

I nodded, even though he couldn't see. Now I'm the wordless responder. Removing my hand from around him, I saw him sigh as he opened his eyes.

They looked sad. They didn't look the way someone should when being pleasured. He said what I was doing wasn't painful, but what if…what if he was getting things confused. Maybe he thought he was enjoying this when he wasn't.

With a resigned sigh, I folded my hands on top of his chest, resting my chin there. "Why though?"

"It's not always that. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, you should. You can tell me anything, Edward. I am queen of weird."

"It's not cauliflower itself." He rolled his eyes, chastising himself for thinking of such a ridiculous thing. "But what I associate with it. It reminds me of things."

"I remind you of cauliflower?" Disgusting, nasty cauliflower.

"No. No, not at all. Cauliflower…dirty streets…those parties…they remind me of things I won't ever have."

"What do you mean? I mean, I don't know what you consider things but you can probably readily get them. What are you missing?"

His gaze fell to where my hands rested, now playing with the fabric of his shirt. They were inches shy of his heart. "There are certain aspects that I don't think I can share with you."

"Are you afraid I'm going to tell someone? I'm not a snitcher. That's not something I would do to you."

"No, not that. But…you would be…passionate about fixing what is wrong. And I don't want you feeling hurt or try defending me when your efforts don't work."

I couldn't make heads or tails of what he was telling me. He sounded like he was dancing around whatever it is he wanted to say. And it disturbed and pissed me off.

"Edward, on our first night you said that you knew me. If you knew me, you'd know that you can share anything with me. Frankly, as long as it's not some crazy, fucked up thought, I'm not going to react poorly."

"I'm sorry I'm skirting around the issue with you."

"Then don't. Just come out and say it. Edward, it's me!"

"You…wouldn't understand."

"Then don't say you know me! How do you know I won't take this the right way? How would you know what the best way would be anyway?"

"Bella, you don't know what goes on when you're not around. There is a whole world of things in my life that you won't get."

"Oh, well that just makes me feel a shit ton better." Angry tears trailed down my cheeks, wetting the back of my hands. "You're making me sound like I'm a petulant child."

"Bella, please. I can't right now."

"What? Cause your pants are still down?" Yeah, it was harsh, but I was a livid son of a bitch.

Edward huffily pulled his boxers and pants up.

I scooted up to my pillow to lie on my side next to him, bringing my knees to my stomach.

Stupid fucking instructions. This wasn't about following some websites idea of how to handle this problem the best way anymore, but getting through this in the best way we knew how.

I picked up the formerly informative material, glancing at it with disappointment.

Then, that's when it hit me.

There on the paper clearly highlighted by me, were the two causes of Edward's problem.

We had exhausted the first option: physical. Below it, beneath all the bullet points on the steps I just used, sat the only other reason behind this whole thing.

Psychological.

A/N:

You guys are awesome! BtE has a little over 500 reviews. Thanks for all the support and awesome words.

I just realized the last few of my chapters, including this one, all have 'B' names. Didn't plan it like that, that's just the way the cookie crumbles, lol.

Thanks to Kassiah for mentioning BtE on TLYDF, in terms of having a fuckawesome Charlie.

Currently, I'm reading Expectations of Success by LASMKE. She has a great Bella and her Edward is made of so much win too. It's only 8 chapters in, but its great and severely under reviewed.

In My Ears:

Let's Trade Skins - Great Lake Swimmers (great band and this song screams BtE for me)