Don't own AHS.

A/N: Glad you all liked the previous chapter! As an apology of taking forever to update it, here's the next chapter somewhat early.

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CH 26- Myself

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Sometime past two in the morning, Lana roused Rachel awake and the two of them headed upstairs to their bedroom. They sat together in bed and when Lana couldn't sleep, she turned to Rachel for help. The two women ended up talking the entire night about Lana's situation with her family. Lana had once mentioned to Rachel that she had a sister but didn't tell her Margo's name. She only said that they didn't speak anymore and so Rachel assumed it was because of Lana's sexuality. It was the reason why Rachel's family had outcast her as well.

And so the letters Rachel found in the attic made sense. They were the letters Margo had sent to Lana when they were on good terms. Lana let Rachel read the letter and when she was done, Lana asked her what she thought.

"I think you should contact her again, Lana." Rachel said honestly.

Lana sighed heavily, "I knew you were going to tell me that."

"Then why did you ask?" Rachel smiled sheepishly. "Lana, listen to me, if I had the chance to reconnect with my parents, I would. I'm barely getting in contact with my sister and you have no idea how amazing it is for me to have her back in my life after everything that happened. I know what your parents did to you and Johnny was horrible but don't take that out on your sister."

Lana frowned at this. She hated it when the young woman was right. Rachel seemed wise beyond her years.

"I'm just embarrassed about the way I treated her when we last spoke. I can still remember the look on her face…"

Rachel reached over and placed her hand upon Lana's. "You need to be strong. Just contact her. You'll feel much better if you do."

"I don't know…"

Rachel frowned at her, "You say you want to put your demons to rest. Well, this guilt won't end until you learn to forgive and forget. Don't be stubborn, Lana. I know you."

Lana scoffed rather amused by Rachel's authoritative state. She often felt like a child when the younger woman scolded her. "What about you? You don't speak to your parents either."

"My parents don't want anything to do with me. Yours do." The sincerity in Rachel's voice broke Lana's heart and she took Rachel's hand in her own and kissed it.

"They're missing out, you know."

Rachel smiled softly, "But now you get me all to yourself."

"I do like the sound of that." Lana snuggled up to her, kissing Rachel's jawline. "Having you all to myself."

"You know you do."

"Let's hope Mr. Samuels knows that."

Rachel huffed and rolled her eyes, "Oh, Lana."

"That man has intentions with you and you know it."

"That doesn't mean I'm going to act upon them."

"Of course not. It's him I don't trust."

Rachel rolled around and buried her face in the crook of Lana's neck as the two women lay back in the bed, "I want you, Lana. I don't want anybody else."

Rachel's words always comforted Lana and so she held her tight, inhaling in the sweet smell of her hair. While she held Rachel, Lana often thought about Wendy. Rachel felt so different to hold. She felt delicate yet strong at the same time. She felt like a dream. Not that Wendy hadn't but her love for Lana was filled with so much fear. Lana thought of all the times Wendy had denied to kiss her with the blinds open or hold her hand in public. She even panicked when Lana stood too close. Perhaps because it was a different time but the seventies were blooming and people were coming out left and right. Even so, Rachel's love had no hesitation and no fear. It made Lana feel infinite. As if she could overcome anything. Hell, she knew she'd see her parents if Rachel truly wished it.

Nevertheless, Margo was different. She was one person Lana didn't want to live without. There was only the matter of getting over her pride and the fear that lingered deep within her. Lana had much thinking to do.

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The next day Johnny had missed the bus and neither Rachel or Lana were able to pick him up from school so he had no option but to walk home. His left arm had been feeling much better and he was gaining feeling back in his fingers. Writing with his right hand had been a difficult task and had left Johnny awfully discouraged when it came to school.

Johnny had become distracted over the newspaper Mike had given him regarding his father. Mike had been really quiet about the secret Johnny had told him. It was odd to Johnny that Mike hadn't told the entire school but he was awfully relieved that he hadn't.

The streets felt awfully empty except for a few kids that walked yards ahead of him on their way home. Johnny could barely make out their voices up ahead but paid no mind to them.

He hadn't been able to sleep the night before, plagued by nightmares of Briarcliff and of Oliver locking him in a room. The dreams were awfully strange but extremely vivid. The halls of Briarcliff were filled with cold perspiration and there was a leaking sound that tap-tapped in the boy's memory. The carcasses of animals lay in the in the halls, polluting the air with a rotten stench. He could hear Lana scream down the corridors, bouncing off the walls in every single direction.

Johnny had grown tired of the nightmares and fought the heavy sleep that overtook him. His eyes slowly closed and opened as he meandered down the neighborhood. Suddenly, he heard a branch break behind him and turned around but no one was there. Johnny felt odd and quickened his step. When he turned back around someone jumped from behind a tree and startled him.

"Boo!"

"Ah!" Johnny jumped back.

Thomas burst out laughing, "Got ya!"

Johnny pushed him back, "You scared me!"

Thomas continued to laugh, "You shoulda seen yer face."

"That wasn't funny." Johnny almost wanted to laugh and he playfully shoved Thomas again.

That time Thomas playfully pushed him back and the boys began to roughhouse until Johnny hurt his arm and winced, "Agh!"

"Sorry." Thomas jumped back, putting his hands up halfway.

"It's okay. I thought you got on the bus." The two continued to walk.

"Nah, I told Julia to tell Dad that I was going to yer house. He won't be mad."

"Cool." Johnny said, "Hey maybe my mom will let us explore the woods."

"Aren't ya grounded?" Thomas raised a brow at the brunette boy.

Johnny shrugged, "I don't see why not. We aren't really going anywhere…"

Thomas shrugged too and the two walked in silence for a moment. "Are ya feelin' better?"

"It doesn't hurt that much." Johnny said.

"Not yer arm."

Johnny glanced at Thomas and perfectly well knew what he meant. He shrugged, "It's not like I can do anything about it…he's dead now."

"Guess so." Thomas glanced ahead of them.

"Did ya tell yer mom about the paper?"

"Heck no! She'd explode. Mom doesn't wanna talk about it anymore."

Thomas nodded. "I wouldn't wanna either, ya know."

"Guess so…"

"But um…" Thomas rubbed the back of his head, "S'gonna be okay, ya know."

"Doesn't feel like it."

Thomas placed his hand upon Johnny's shoulder and smiled at his best friend, "It will."

Johnny smiled too, hoping Thomas was right.

"Hey, Tom, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Do you remember your mom?"

Thomas turned a bit serious and his blonde brows pulled together into a serious, pensive brow. "A little but I don't really remember her. Why?"

Johnny shrugged, "I don't know. Do you know how she died?"

Thomas looked down to the sidewalk below his feet, "She had an accident. That's what my dad said." Thomas glanced up and studied Johnny's saddened expression, "Sometimes I wish she was still around though…"

Johnny met his gaze. "I wish my dad was too…but that he wasn't crazy…" Johnny did have good memories of Oliver. They weren't many but there was a time in the cabin in where Oliver had been awfully kind and Johnny liked the feeling of having a father. He told himself multiple times that he didn't care about having a dad, that Lana and Rachel were enough for him but the feeling often lingered.

"But then Rachel wouldn't be around."

"That's true." Johnny shrugged, "Life's the worst."

Thomas wrapped an arm around his best friend's shoulders, "Tell me about it."

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Lana thought multiple times about the letter over the next few days. She had been so preoccupied that she had forgotten about Oliver's house. She had wanted to tear it to the ground but it would take too much time to get a hold of the right contacts. Besides, no one would want to buy the little plot of land the rebuild a house and the city wouldn't be too thrilled about a demolition in a family inhabited neighborhood. So banning Johnny from the place was the next best thing.

However, on that cold day, she found herself parked outside of the house that belonged to Bloody Face himself. Too many things had been plaguing Lana's mind and it often prohibited her from working on her book.

Her hands trembled from nerves rather from the cold. She hadn't stepped foot inside that house since Johnny's accident but even then she hadn't put much attention to it. All she had cared about was the boy. So Lana took in a deep breath and stepped out of her car. She glanced up at the abandoned house and for a moment it appeared just like any run down house. Its windows were boarded and the lawn she once ran across in the middle of the night was dead, the paint was chipping from the walls and from the porch. It had been over ten years since she had been a prisoner there and the feeling of nostalgia was such a strange one.

When Lana stepped into the living room of the house, all these memories rushed through her mind. For a moment, there was a quick flash and the living room was filled with light and all of the older furniture was back in its place. She could remember perfectly where everything had been. The sofas, the coffee table, the lamps…

Then the room darkened and everything was gone. There was nothing left but trash, debris and graffiti. Lana felt her heart quicken and she forced herself deeper into the house. She could barely see through the cracks in the boards; everything else was dim but not pitch black. Lana stepped on crinkled newspapers and kicked aside empty beer bottles. She read the words on the walls until something caught her eye.

Right on the wall in between the names Mike and Johnny was her son's name written in red paint. "Johnny…" Lana read his name and stepped closer, placing her hand on the wall, "Oh, little boy…" She sighed, "You're in more trouble than you thought."

Something caught the corner of Lana's eye and she glanced down to the hallway where the basement and the room of skins were. Lana had flashes of herself hurrying down that hall, trying to open every door she could until she came upon the closet where Oliver made his lamps. She felt the same fear rise within her.

Lana braved herself and took her hand off the wall and wandered down the hall. She reached into her purse and brought out a small flashlight she figured she would need. She followed the arrows on the ceiling that lead down to the basement. The door had been left open and nothing but darkness emanated inside. Lana thought of all the ghosts that must have haunted the walls of Thredson's torture chamber and felt shivers go down her spine. Her heat beat faster and faster with every single step she took. The next thing she felt was Oliver's breath down the back of her neck and her skin spread with goose bumps.

She closed her eyes and held back a cry, telling herself that it was just his ghost haunting her thoughts and playing games with her sanity. Lana turned around to find no one there and took a deep breath. She needed to keep going if she wanted to find what she was looking for.

Lana didn't know if it was closure or inspiration to remind her of all the little details of her stay with Oliver. Maybe she just wanted to see what Johnny was so attracted to. Whatever it was, she went down into the basement where she lived the most horrific events of her life. Possibly even worse than the ones in Briarcliff.

When Lana reached the bottom of the stairs, she pointed the flashlight on the spot where the bed used to be. Right where she had conceived her son. It was such an odd thing to think about. The way in which Johnny had been conceived was such an ugly thing filling her stomach with a heavy black tar that made her want to vomit. And she still wanted to cry at the memory of it all. Of the feeling of Oliver going inside out her, of the way she lay there so motionless, too exhausted and too weak to stop him. It was as if she had accepted her fate. It had been such a cruel thing.

Lana pointed up to the walls where she read the rest of the graffiti. She read the words: Bless the women, Devil's lair, Hell—amongst other things.

"You sick son of a bitch." Lana broke the silence, "I hope you're rotting wherever you are."

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Johnny lay back in his bed, bored out of his mind. Rachel was downstairs reading another one of her books. She had taken a break from cleaning the house since it had been her day off and she didn't want to sit around doing nothing. Johnny Cash had been playing from the record player for the better part of the afternoon and it reminded Johnny of the good times in his life. He didn't remember anything of when he was a baby but Lana had told him he loved Johnny Cash from the get go so it must have been. Sometimes, the bad memories were all that Johnny remembered.

He made his way down the hall of the vacation rental with tears streaming down his face. His little chest went up and down with every sharp breath. He could still feel the hands tight around his neck from the horrid nightmares that plagued him every night. It had only been four months since the incident in Briarcliff but Johnny was living as if it had happened the day before.

He pushed open the door to the room in where Lana slept and called out to her. It took Lana a moment to stir from her sleep but when she heard the boy calling she sat up and spoke his name in a sleepy confusion.

Johnny stood in the doorway, crying and breathing heavily. Lana panicked and rushed to him, asking him if he was all right.

"Another nightmare?" She asked him.

He nodded.

"Oh, Johnny. Don't cry." Lana wiped his tears and kissed his forehead. "They're not real. Remember?"

"They feel real." He whimpered.

"Well, they're not."

Johnny hugged Lana.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked.

Johnny shook his head.

"Was it the same one as last night?"

He nodded.

Lana hoisted him up with all the strength she had. He was growing too big to carry but she could manage a few steps to the bed. She laid him down and lay with him, running her fingers through his hair. "Oliver's gone now. Briarcliff is shut down. Nothing can harm us."

Johnny took comfort in the words she had to repeat him over and over almost every night.

"Are you okay?" She asked him.

Johnny nodded. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay."

"Can I sleep here?"

"Yes, you can."

Johnny exhaled and relaxed. He then rolled to his side and faced Lana. "Did you kill Oliver?"

Lana often forgot that Johnny had found them that night out in the rain.

Lana placed her hand upon his cheek. "They're all just nightmares, Johnny. In time they won't mean anything."

Johnny opened his eyes to stare up at the ceiling of his room. He could feel the article's presence under his bed and it made him uncomfortable. Johnny thought about the memory and realized that some nightmares did fade away but others were there to stay. Still, the boy still had much to go to find himself but it would all come with time.

Johnny wandered downstairs where he found Rachel in the living room reading a book called Carrie. Her hair was in a messy ponytail and she wore a faded The Doors Shirt and jeans and bit her nails as she read. Johnny broke her concentration, "Rae?"

Rachel gave a little jump and glanced up at Johnny, "Oh, Jay, you scared me. What's the matter?"

"Where's Mom?"

"She went out to run some errands and bring home some dinner. Why? Are you hungry?"

He shook his head.

"How's your arm?"

"It's okay." He beat around the bush for a moment, not wanting to be alone in his room with the article any longer, "Can I sit with you?"

"Of course you can. Come here." Rachel patted the spot on the sofa next to her. Doyle was on a shelf fast asleep and Scout was in his bed lazily chewing on one of his bones.

Johnny cuddled next to Rachel, letting himself relax from it all.

"You seem awfully serious today. You sick?" Rachel felt his forehead and his cheek with her hand.

"No."

"Hmm, that's the last thing we need, huh?"

Johnny nodded. "What's Mom bringing for dinner?"

"Don't know. The Colonel's maybe."

Johnny nodded and leaned his head against Rachel's shoulder. "Do you get nightmares?"

"Sometimes." She answered honestly and glanced down at the book she was reading. "They're mostly my fault."

Johnny sat up again and looked at the book. "I thought Mom said you couldn't read anymore scary books." He raised a brow at her.

Rachel snorted. "Mom isn't the boss of me."

There was a knock on the door and Rachel tossed the book aside, panicking that it could be Lana. Johnny gave her a look and she sighed heavily, "Oh, hush and go answer the door."

"Why do I gotta?" He retorted as he stood.

"Because you're the kid and I'm the adult."

Johnny scrunched his nose, "Mom's the adult."

"We're both the adults. Now go."

Johnny shook his head and went to answer the door mumbling something about not being a kid anymore. When Johnny opened the door he was face to face with a pretty little girl just a few years younger than him. She had short chestnut brown hair and big brown eyes. Light freckles covered the bridge of her nose; she wore overalls and a flannel over them.

She looked at him with those doe eyes of hers and smiled.