Surprise! Please do forgive how inactive I was with this story this past year. Since my last upload was such a filler, I felt I had to be quick to get this one published.

A Losing Game
Chapter 25

Apparently, a bluebell expressed gratitude in the language of flowers.

That is what Sora had told him when she gave him a paper bluebell at the tanabata festival. Although he had originally thought he couldn't go because of a schedule conflict, he had exerted himself in practice that day so he could join the others belatedly. Sora, who had been so livid when he had first told her he couldn't go, had felt so bad about it that she bought the paper flower to apologise.

That was a week ago, but today he was waiting at the soccer pitch, waiting for the ever-tardy Davis. At the festival, he had put it in an unused compartment of his duffel bag so he wouldn't lose it. He had actually forgotten about it until now, when he found it while looking for his towel. He was glad he had gone to the festival despite the long commute. It had been a nice way to enjoy her company.

He knew he couldn't do anything about it anymore, and he wouldn't, but he couldn't help asking that dangerous question:

What if?

Every variation of that question lingered in his mind as he looked at this stupid piece of paper.

Izzy told him that things that happen in high school wouldn't matter in a year. It was a terrible thing to think, but if that were so true, wouldn't the same apply on the other end?

Why was he holding everything back anyway? To be a nice guy? He didn't consider himself to be especially nice. That was his sister, while he had always been a little more selfish.

Don't start.

He grimaced, crushing the paper in his fist before setting it back in his bag, pushing it aside so he could find his towel.

Where was Davis anyway?

He was dragging his feet, dejected that Kari had rejected his proposal to go to the beach with him, angry that it was because TK had already asked her to go to the cinema with him and his dumb friends.

"I should crash their date," Davis thought aloud, not taking into account that his companion was Kari's notoriously protective brother. He would never actually do it anyway, and Kari had specifically said it wasn't a date, citing the fact that TK's friends would also be there.

Tai did not, as expected, threaten him for compromising Kari's evening. He seemed distracted that night, and neither of them had yet broken a sweat.

"Will you?" he asked instead.

"I want to," Davis muttered, rolling his eyes. "She's out with a hundred thousand guys from the basketball team right now. Doesn't it bother you too?"

"Not really."

Davis grunted. "It bothers me."

Tai leaned down to pick up his soccer ball. "Let's stop practice for today."

Davis looked up from feeling sorry for himself, confused. Tai never wanted to end practice early. "But we've only just started."

"Well, I don't think either of us are very concentrated, now are we?" Tai gave Davis a mischievous smirk. "You should crash Kari's date."

Growing even more confused, Davis laughed nervously. "I'm not that crazy." He then hurriedly added, "Besides, it isn't a date. Kari told me it wasn't one."

Tai chuckled, shaking his head. "It's so obvious, isn't it? You must know it too. TK's going to win."

Davis grimaced. It was something he had heard a million times, the majority in his own mind, but hearing it from Tai genuinely hurt his feelings. "You don't know that."

"Everybody knows that."

He didn't want to hear this. He took the ball from Tai's hands, dropping it back on the ground. "Let's work on penalty kicks."

"How do you deal with that?" Tai asked, showing no interest. "You work so hard to get her to like you. Everyone knows you're in love with her, but you're still going to lose. It must be devastating."

He found himself glaring. "Are you trying to piss me off on purpose?"

"No, I'm trying to figure out what it'd be like," Tai said, no sign of remorse on his face. "You know, I've never told Sora that I like her. I was never like you."

"Well, good for you," Davis snapped irritably. He never got angry with Tai, no matter how harsh he got, but he had touched a sensitive subject. "Unlike you though, I still have a chance."

It was a low jab, and he knew he was potentially fuelling Tai's anger, but he had started it. How dare he? How dare he—

"I think I should tell her."

Davis' anger dissipated with Tai's words. "Wait, what?"

"I should tell her that I like her," he repeated. "It'll give me closure."

Appalled, Davis rushed to grab his senior's shoulders. "Tai, listen to me. No matter what, you cannot do that. You absolutely cannot do it."

"Why not?" he asked calmly.

Very rarely was it that Davis considered himself the voice of reason. "Because! Not only will you ruin your friendship with Matt, but you'll very likely ruin your friendship with Sora, Sora's relationship with Matt and split the group into taking sides. Don't you understand?"

"Don't you think you're being a little hypocritical?" Tai asked, his demeanour still relaxed. "You once told me that if TK and Kari were ever to get together, you would break them up. You're the one who just brought up crashing their date."

He felt the colour drain from his face. "Those are just words I say because I'm frustrated. You know I'd never actually do it."

"I don't know that. You don't either. It hasn't happened to you yet."

"I know, Tai, because I wouldn't be so selfish," Davis said loudly, almost yelling. He took a breath, knowing he at least had to look composed in the face of insanity. "Look, if Kari were to choose TK or any other guy, it would kill me, but I wouldn't ruin her life by trying to break them up. If I did that, it would mean I care more for myself than I care for her. Don't you see? Isn't it more important to you that Sora is happy?"

Tai didn't react, just nodding slowly, taking in his words. "I think we're done for the night."

He stepped back, and Davis' arms fell back to his sides.

"Are you thinking about doing something crazy?" Davis asked worriedly.

"I'm not crazy," was Tai's only response, reaching down for his duffel bag.

Panic overwhelmingly took over any other emotion Davis could feel. He couldn't watch this again, and in a burst of desperation, he physically tackled Tai as he started to walk away.

"I…I'm sorry," Davis apologised immediately, eyes widening. "I can't watch you do something crazy again. Maybe you don't know this, but I'm pretty determined too, Tai. I'll stop you."

Tai stood up, brushing off his shorts, strangely calm about being hit by Davis.

"I'm not going to do something crazy. I'll do it right this time."

"What is the 'right' way?"

"Don't worry about it." He smirked. "You just work on your swing." He rubbed his shoulder. "Oh, and I wasn't serious about crashing Kari's night. If you do that, I'll kill you."

He had been staring at the door for a solid ten minutes, his heart pounding with a ferocity he hadn't experienced in a long time.

This was it.

He blanked his head, forcing his fist to pound the door thrice before robotically placing it back by his side.

The last time they had met, they had been very pleasant to each other. He felt bad that this would not go over as smoothly. Perhaps it never would again.

It took longer than expected for the door to open. When it finally did, he raised an eyebrow.

"Did you just take a shower?" Tai asked with a grin. "I don't think I've ever seen you with such flat hair."

Matt frowned, forcing himself not to touch his wet hair self-consciously. "What are you doing here?"

"No manners," Tai said with a shake of his head. "It's hot out here."

Getting the hint, Matt opened the door wider for him. "You can come in."

He didn't budge, standing stiffly in place. He didn't think he could move anyway, but there was no reason to go inside when he was minutes from being kicked off the property.

"I'm joking. I'm only stopping by for a second. I have to meet someone soon."

"So what's up?" Matt asked, eyeing his clothes. "Did you come here from practice?"

"Yeah…" He felt his nerves kick in yet again, and he knew he had to be quick before he could chicken out.

He wondered how Matt's punch was. Last time he experienced it, he distinctly remembered it being painful.

"How was it?"

Tai dismissed Matt's attempt at small talk. "I like Sora."

Matt raised an eyebrow, his expression rapidly growing darker. "Excuse me?"

"I can't let you have her without a fight," he continued, knowing he had heard him the first time. His palms were sweating and heart pounding as he waited for Matt's true reaction.

"Is that why you came here then?" Matt asked, looking irritated but overall not having a particularly rash response. "To fight me?"

"Of course not. I'd obviously kick your ass," Tai said curtly, Matt's sarcasm making him forget that he had promised himself not to get aggressive.

Matt's eyes narrowed, and he took a step forward. "Look Tai, I don't know what kind of messed up, one-person world you live inside your head, but it doesn't work that way. If you wanted some sort of competition, you should have tried before she became my girlfriend."

"I came here to tell you that I'm going to tell her that I like her. If she rejects me, I won't pursue her any further." He paused. "Or maybe I will. I don't know. I don't want to make you a promise I won't keep."

"Are you even being serious right now?"

"You seem nervous," Tai pointed out, almost hopefully. "Don't you have any faith in your girlfriend?"

He probably came across as the worst person in existence, but he couldn't be bothered to care at the moment.

Matt didn't say anything.

"You said so yourself. All's fair in love and war, right?"

Tai waited for Matt to punch him in the face. He was bracing for it, his hands in his pockets to force himself not to punch him back.

He deserved it, after all.

"Right," Matt agreed finally, his expression impossible to read though his tone was icy.

Tai couldn't help but look taken aback by Matt's response. "Okay then. Well, that's all I came here to tell you."

"That's fine." Matt clutched the handle of the door again. "But just so you know, you're wrong if you think Sora is going to go after you while she's dating me. I'm only nervous for your pride once she rejects you."

With that, he shut the door in Tai's face.

Half-fuming, half-panicked, he snatched his mobile off the counter, punching Sora's number in desperation. He had to talk to her before Tai could.

"Hello?"

"Sora!" he cried. He cleared his throat, knowing he had to not sound as distressed as he felt. "Are you hungry? Let's get dinner."

"Oh, er…" She hesitated. "Actually, I'm about to meet up with Tai. He said it was important, but do you want to join? Or we can eat afterwards?"

He felt his teeth clench. That Tai.

Not wanting to look desperate, he declined her offer, though she promised that she'd call him afterwards.

He had to admit it.

He was nervous.

It wasn't that he didn't trust Sora. He trusted her, but he didn't trust Tai.

He remembered the first time he fell for Sora. It had happened out of nowhere, during one of the lunch periods they shared while Tai was still obsessing over honing his soccer skills. They had started off awkward, but Sora's un-awkwardness had made them quite enjoyable, and he found he looked forward to their hour break each day. She was one of the few girls who knew anything about him beyond the surface, mostly from the life-altering adventure they had shared together.

He had to agree that they did not share much in common, but they had shared something that nobody but those who had experienced it themselves could ever understand. That was something nobody could deny.

Those six outsiders—such unlikely friends—knew more about him than anyone else, and aside from his brother Sora understood him most of all.

Sometimes, he thought that even he was not good enough for her, so there was no way in hell Tai could.

And it was because Sora was so great that he had to hide who he was, because if she knew how messed up and twisted he really was, she would be so turned off that she'd dump him immediately.

Girls liked him for his face, but his face was the only thing he had. He knew his personality was flawed. He had heard girls talking about his "mysterious" personality as a good thing, but if he were ugly, he would just be weird. He didn't have a personality that was likeable. Despite how Tai went batshit crazy a few weeks ago, overall he had that factor about him that made people like him. Tai's best attribute was his personality, while his was his face. Tai's was infinite, while his was limited to a few decades.

He had once gone on a date where the girl showed him around like he was some sort of trophy. Despite the fact that he hid much of himself from her, he liked that Sora saw him beyond his physical attributes. She didn't see herself as the girl who nabbed Matt Ishida. She was interested in getting to know him, even if he wouldn't show her everything. He hid his temper, his opinions, his true feelings not because he didn't ever want her to see it, but because he wanted to change, if only so he could be the boyfriend she truly deserved.

Surprisingly, he had been more nervous to see Matt than he had Sora.

He was pleased with himself for thinking to call Sora in advance, though he was betting Matt wasn't too pleased about that.

She opened her front door, laughing.

"What's so funny? Is something on my face?" he asked good-naturedly.

She shook her head, letting him inside before proceeding to tell him a detailed story about something that had happened with her and Mimi. Even though the story was long, tedious and in all honesty not very interesting, one thing that struck him was how carefree she looked, her only thought a trivial event between Mimi and a stranger.

He wondered how different it would be if he were to say anything now—how quickly that jovial laughter would disappear. Whether she were to take him or reject him now, at the basest of levels he was forcing her to choose between him and Matt. Though he would come out of this either happy or sad, there was only one outcome for her.

It was incredibly selfish of him, and in that moment he could understand what Davis had said to him back at the soccer pitch.

Sure, he'd be first to admit that he could be selfish at times, but could he truly be that selfish?

"Anyway," Sora said between giggles, "what was so important that you had to come here? If you're looking for Mimi, she's gone shopping."

"I didn't come to see Mimi. I came to see you."

She sighed. "Yeah, right. What's going on with you two anyway? She's being secretive, so can you just clear the air for me?"

"Nothing's going on between us," Tai answered honestly, though it earned him a roll of those pretty eyes of hers.

"Fine, don't tell me," she gave in, sighing again, "but I don't believe you for a second. I know you, and I know her."

"Think what you want."

"I will," she huffed with a shake of her head. "Why did you need to see me?"

"…"

"Tai?"

"…"

She snapped her fingers in front of his face, even though he was fully paying attention to her. He was ready to answer, even if his mind was still struggling.

"I've run out of bread."

She raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"I wanted to see you because I want a sandwich, but we've run out of bread," he repeated. "Can I have some?"

"Eurgh, Tai!" Sora groaned. "I thought this was actually important. I turned down Matt's invitation for dinner for you, and all you need is bread?!"

Even though she sounded so irritated, she went to the kitchen and came back with half a loaf.

"Here. You can have the entire thing. It's about to expire, and you can probably eat it faster than my mum and I can."

He took it, forgetting to thank her. "Matt invited you to have dinner?"

"Yes, he did," she fumed.

"Then I shouldn't keep him waiting," he said, signalling his leave.

She didn't say anything to keep him around longer, merely telling him that she couldn't trust his judgment on what could be deemed important before saying her farewell.

He left, conceding defeat.

He knew he had gone back and forth for a while. It was because he had always held on to that belief, however small, that a part of Sora still wanted him—that because she went for Matt after he didn't work out, she was unhappy with her second choice.

Up until this point, he had never tried to make anything of it directly. Now that he finally made the attempt, he knew he couldn't do it.

This time was final, this time was for real. He couldn't do this to her or to him—or even to Matt. He had told Mimi that he didn't care with whom Sora was as long as she was happy.

It had been a blatant lie.

Whether it was because he is was a bad person or because he was still immature, he did not know, but he found it impossible to be happy for her.

Matt was once so jealous of him.

For what?

He would have changed everything to be him at that moment. He would let Matt be leader, be first, be the forerunner he had always wanted to be if it meant he could have her.

However, he knew that was now impossible without making him the bad guy. Whether they broke up and he went for her, or whether he tried to break them up so he could have her for himself, he would always be the person who broke equilibrium and forced her to choose.

He had to let her go.

Courage.

He liked to believe he possessed such a thing.

"Let's eat."

A simple request that launched a million questions in his head.

A part of him told him to run. He wanted to know what had happened. Another part of him told him to slow down. He wanted to be hers a little longer.

He had to admit it. He was freaking out.

He wanted to believe that Sora would not accept Tai's confession, but a much larger, self-conscious part of him thought she would. Was it paranoia or valid? He had no idea.

"You're out of breath!" Sora cried when she saw him. "Were you running?"

"No," he said, breathing loudly. "Can I have some water?"

He drank the contents of the cup she gave him in three large gulps.

"Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm fine," he dismissed, not even caring enough to pretend to act collected. "What did Tai want?"

"Eugh, that Tai." Sora rolled her eyes, retrieving his glass to refill it. "He wanted bread. He literally came over to ask me for bread, and then he left. Can you believe him? I think he was looking for Mimi because I know her mobile ran out of battery. He probably couldn't reach her, but he didn't want to admit it to me. They're being so secretive about everything. Doesn't it make you curious? Do you think there's something going on between them?"

Was she lying? He didn't believe her at all, but he wasn't going to press it.

What mattered was that she was with him now.

"I think I love you."

Her eyes widened, predictable due to the fact that he had said it out of nowhere. He was probably the first one outside of her family to ever say it to her, and he wondered if she expected some sort of spectacle. What she got was an out-of-breath bloke who had attached an "I think" in front of it in the middle of an unrelated topic, but he had never been one to make an intricate show out of such things. He'd probably regret it later.

"Erm…"

"I do love you," he corrected himself, turning his face so he didn't have to look at hers. "You don't have to say it back. I just wanted you to know, in case you ever doubted me." He stood up, feeling a mix of embarrassment and awkwardness. "Anyway, where do you want to eat?"

"Wait, Matt—"

He turned around, expecting to see her look the same as him, shy and uncertain, but instead she was looking straight at him, her unwavering gaze giving him hope.

"I love you too."

9 June 2014

Had I waited one more day, this chapter would have gone up exactly one year after Chapter 24. Inexcusable, isn't it?