Eliza's gaze softened on me. "How are you feeling Kara?" She asked after a few seconds. I didn't respond. I knew if I started to talk to her, I'd break down almost immediately. I was hoping to try and make this as painless as possible. I didn't want Eliza to stay long and somehow spin Alex's death to not be my fault or that I shouldn't feel guilty for the outcome of that fight. She gently took my hand and drew small comforting circles on the back of my hand. "You don't need to answer that if you don't want to. You've probably heard that question enough, huh?" She tried to lighten the atmosphere. I nodded robotically.

I could feel her watching me, hoping to use her trademarked Mom Stare so I would crack, like she did all those times when Alex and I were teenagers. I bit my lip and looked anywhere but her. "Kara, sweetie." She stared and brushed one of my hairs away from my cheek. My stomach was in my throat and the heartrate monitor only reiterated my nervousness to the room. "What's wrong?" She asked.

I finally met her eyes for a brief second, but everything was blurry from the tears building in my own. "Why- am I here?" I asked hesitantly. Eliza gave me a light smile and sighed. "Honey, you know why. You were seriously hurt. You still are hurt." She answered. I looked down to my cast and glared at it. A few tears escaped. The room fell into a short silence and I could sense the worry radiating off Eliza. "You- you do know why, right Kara? Do you remember what happened?" She asked, this time more serious. My stomach turned as anger and sadness boiled inside me as the fight repeated in my head. I nodded slowly.

Eliza exhaled deeply, releasing the concern that must've been building up in her. "Why would you ask that Kara? You scared me. You scared all of us. We scanned your brain so many times, but we didn't know if you'd remember everything that happened. You've had some serious blows to the head. Don't do that." She scolded in a light motherly tone. "We almost lost you a few times too. Please don't-" She stopped herself and released a short breath. "We're all just relieved that you're alive."

I didn't respond. Eliza leaned forward. "What's bothering you Kara? Are you hurting? You know you can tell me. Please, you're worrying me." She stated. I clenched my jaw before meeting her gaze and holding it. "How can you look at me?" I asked with a shaky voice. Her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. "Sweetheart, what-"

I cut her off. "How can you talk to me, let alone look at me, Eliza?" I asked again, but more confidently. She smiled humorlessly and scoffed as if I was joking with her. "Kara, where are you going with this?" She asked, apprehension evident in her voice and clearly on her face. Silence echoed in my mind before a misty haze crept in. I could feel a hard-painful lump in the back of my throat as the tears began to form. Slowly my breathing hallowed itself and a small but intense pain struck the top nerve in my head. Tears threatened to streak down my face. Time started to fast forward and slow at the same time. My own personal hell; being stuck in this moment.

"I wasn't fast enough. I wasn't smart enough. I failed everyone." I sobbed. Eliza immediately moved closer to me. "Oh, Kara, honey. It's okay. Everything will be okay." She tried to soothe. I tried to pull away from her, but there was only so far I could go before I hit the rail of the hospital bed. Pain raced throughout my entire body and I yelped. "Kara, you need to calm down before you hurt yourself." She tried to pacify and she reached out to me. I pushed her hand away from me.

"NO! No, I can't- I can't do this! Please, I can't- It hurts- I- it-" I cried out. Eliza jumped up and everything became a blur.

People raced into the room and they were shouting at each other. I felt my ribs heave as if they were bound by ropes, straining to expand. I felt sick. I needed to throw up, or scream, or get some air, or- something. Anything to get this weight off my chest. I gasped harshly. Air couldn't get into my lungs fast enough and my vision started to lessen. My peripherals were the first to go. Spots then started to show up and eventually all my vision was gone. I wanted to call for Hamilton- no. Alex. Lena? Eliza. Someone.

Anyone. Anyone to help me.

But they are too far away, too far away, too far away. I don't know who to call for. What's their name, who to call, too far away, they're gone, they've left, breathe, gone, what name, too far away... blackness... creeping blackness... I want to curl up on the floor in a ball in the fetal position. Where is she, what's my name, who to call, what's their name, it's too loud, the room is spinning... blackness... help me...

The world became silent once again, and this time, I didn't fight it.

This had to be a dream. Or a nightmare. My body was numb. I couldn't feel any pain. It had to be a dream. Or some twisted nightmare. Maybe I'm still asleep in the DEO. I have to be. Maybe I never woke up from my nap. The fight, Alex's death, it has to be some twisted fear I have hidden in my mind, right?

Coolness surrounded me and I relaxed into it, before I started to shiver. And yet, I felt as if I was burning from the inside out. My stomach tightened and ached all the more. I kept trying to swallow, and my throat kept clenching. No matter what I could not stop the warm feeling rising through my chest. My head felt as if someone had shaken it until my brain was thoroughly bruised. Fevered pains stabbed chaotically through my muscles and there was a ringing in my ears.

I emerged from the darkness for a dizzying second. There were blobs of people surrounding me. In the corner of my room, was Streaky and Alex. They were both watching me intently, although Alex seemed extremely concerned while Streaky was more focused on the butterflies in the room, flying around the blobs. I blinked and reached out to them. A bright blue butterfly landed on my hand before it was startled by Streaky. In an instant, Streaky, the butterflies, and Alex all disappeared. Something cold was placed on my head before I submitted to the darkness again.

Oblivion no longer was an angry river. Instead, acted like a metal heavy door between me and reality. Difficult to get through, but something that I could control. Slowly, I made my way through it and I opened my eyes. I could sense that someone was in the room with me. I blinked lazily and tried to shift. My body didn't respond. It was as if gravity was 100 times stronger. I tried to huff in annoyance, but instead it hurt my ribs. I wheezed as pain echoed through my chest. My eyes focused even more and I could see an oxygen mask over my face.

Cautious footsteps thumped in the room. "Hey, Little Danvers, how are you feeling?" Maggie asked. I licked my chapped lips and grunted. She placed one hand on my shoulder and reached over to the table by my side with her other hand. "I have some water for you, but you have to promise to drink it slowly. You're still slightly feverish and dehydrated, but I don't want you getting sick by drinking too fast, got it?"

I nodded weakly. Maggie helped me sit up partially. I pulled the mask off my face and I drank the water gratefully. "Thanks." I stated softly. She smiled. "Do you want me to get Hamilton?" She asked. "No."

Her warm brown eyes watched me carefully. I could see the concern and love behind them. "Are you sure?" She asked. "Yes." I answered. We sat in silence for a bit. "What happened?" I asked slowly. "When?" Maggie questioned. "After Eliza-" I started groggily.

"You well, kinda started to freak out. According to Hamilton, it was a mixture between a panic attack and a shock delay from what happened. Your heart was racing and your temperature started to skyrocket. You became extremely feverish and fell unconscious. Hamilton decided to keep you under until she got your temperature back under 103. They've been monitoring your vitals closely since then." Maggie informed. I blinked tiredly and pulled my heavier arm over my stomach. I glanced down to the blue cast and saw that there were signatures all over it. A small smile almost crept onto my face before I realized the reality behind the cast, I was human and broken.

I looked up to Maggie. "How- how are you?" I asked tenderly. Maggie chewed on her lip. "I could be better." A few scrapes and bruises littered her skin. I sighed deeply. "I'm so sorry Maggie." I apologized, but cringed as I knew I needed to say something more than that, but I couldn't. I didn't know how to say sorry for taking away Alex from her. She raised an eyebrow.

"For what Kara?" She asked. A few tears escaped my eyes and I laughed dryly. "Please, don't do this to me." I whispered. "Do what Kara?" She asked. I exhaled sharply. "Rao she really is going to do it." I told myself in Kryptonian. "Are you sure you're okay, Kara? You're not making any sense. I can get Hamilton." Maggie suggested. I clenched my jaw as Maggie studied me, evaluating my next move. "Why are you here, Maggie?" I asked.

Her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. "You got hurt, Kara. I wanted to see how you were doing." She answered cautiously. "Why wouldn't I be here?" She added on. "'Why wouldn't-'" I started to repeat before I trailed off and laughed dryly. I clenched my fists and pain twinged in both my arms.

The anger and frustration burst through the pain I was feeling. "Because Alex is dead! She's fucking dead, Maggie! And that's on me! It all my fault she's dead! But everyone is walking on eggshells around me, and I'm fucking sick of it! People should be mad at me! I want you to be mad at me. I want Eliza to curse me out for not protecting her daughter! Most importantly, I want to fucking kill Lex for what he's done to me. To all of you!" I threw the cup as far as I could with my good arm. Hot tears burned their way down my cheeks and my eyes fell to my lap. I couldn't afford to look at Maggie. I bit my lip as I waited for her to say something. I could taste blood slowly dripped into my mouth from biting so hard in anticipation.

I could sense that she was going to say something. I heard her take a breath in before pausing and then releasing it slowly.

Maggie stood up and walked out of the room. A new wave of tears pricked at my eyes and violent sobs escaped my lips. I tried to hold the tears that threatened to leave my eyes. I glanced to my side and saw that I was completely alone. And that's when I couldn't hold them back anymore. First, one escaped from my right eye. I could feel the warmth, sliding down my cheek, and rolling off my chin. Then another. And another. Until my eyes flooded with them, coming down like a rainfall. Sniffing every ten seconds, they fell, and fell, and I let them.

I felt the blackness come over me. Like a blanket, but not a blanket of warmth but a blanket of coldness making me shiver. It made my eyes feel heavier and heavier until I finally closed my eyes, sending me into a restless sleep.

Red. Red everywhere. That's all I can see. It's racing toward me, the beacon of red. Thousands of miles away, it's coming. I can't escape it. I know it, and I can feel the power within it.

I gasped as I was startled awake. My dream faded and I couldn't recall anything. Only a sense of uneasiness hung over my head. Sounds slowly made its way to my ears as I woke up. I sighed and closed my eyes, listening to my heartbeat echo in the quiet room. The door opened and someone walked in. Murmurs quietly bounced around the room before I fell back asleep.

The next time I woke up, I saw that J'onn is in the room with me. He smiled at me warmly. "Kara. Good to see you up." He stated softly. I didn't respond. My heart weighed heavy in my chest. J'onn narrowed his eyes slightly at me and I knew exactly what he was thinking. I knew that he was wishing at that moment that he could use his mind reading powers to see what's on my mind. "It won't work." I stated. "Huh?"

"You and I both know that staring at me won't magically let you read my mind." I stated plainly. He chuckled, but there was no humor behind it. "I'm sorry Kara. We're all just worried for you. You won't tell us what's wrong, or what you're thinking. We don't know if you're mind is hurt from everything Lex did to you as you both fought. We just want to make sure you're okay, but you're locking us out. We can't help you if you don't say what's on your mind."

I swallowed the lump in my throat as fear and hatred rose from my stomach. "Why didn't you let me die?" I asked. His face blanched significantly. "Kara?" He asked in an exceedingly uneasy voice. Like he didn't understand the words that I said. "I said, why didn't you let me die? Why didn't Hamilton let me die? Eliza said that I almost slipped away a few times. Why did you all let me go? I could've been in Rao's Light with my family. Instead of-" I trailed off as I looked at my cast, my leg, and as pain raced through my body as I took a breath. "Life for all of you right now could've been so much easier." I added on.

He frowned and it seemed as if his face aged ten years in seconds. "There is nothing easy about mourning for loved ones. Nothing easy about planning funerals. Nothing easy about not seeing them ever again. I know that first hand. Why would you ever ask that of us? To let you die when we have the chance to save you, Kara? We all love you. You know that." He pointed out. I closed my eyes and sighed.

The anger that was there when I spoke to Maggie was somehow missing. "I know. I know how painful it is to lose people. I've lost everyone from Krypton. My parents. Then I came here. I found Astra, and then lost her. She was ripped away from me. I told myself that I couldn't lose anyone else. I thought that I couldn't possibly lose anything else. Ever since Lex broke out-" I stopped myself. "I told myself that I wouldn't lose anyone else. I swore that I wouldn't let anything happen to anyone else. It wasn't an option, I wouldn't let it become one, and then suddenly, there was nothing I could do. No way to stop it. And then-" Sorrow replaced the emptiness that the rage left in my heart. "Alex-" I whimpered. J'onn reached out and held my hand. "Kara, there's something you need to know." He paused and my heart pounded in my chest. He took a breath.

"Alex isn't dead."

Hey guys! Sorry for not updating last week. I was preoccupied by studying for some of my college exams which all somehow landed on the same week. But anyway, Alex isn't dead! Yay! Some of you caught on early and knew that she would still be alive, while some others seemed rather upset that I killed her. But fret not! She's alive!

Anyway, thank you all so much for the support! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I guess I'll see you all soon! ~ Raya Kor-El