"Don't Anger Harry Potter"

By Loki Palmer

Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters are the property of J.K. Rowling.

Well, everyone, my birthday went well – I turned 28 this fine year of 2012. DarkHeart81, to answer your question, it turns out it was a Nimbus 2000, not 2001 that was given to Harry in canon. Thanks for pointing that out – my mistake. Little-Miss-Read-a-Lot, yes, there will be more death coming. I know Quirrell-Mort is on the hit list … Gilderoy "Bighead" Lockhart? Maybe.

ROBERT-19588, I see your point. MAYBE I should try aiming for at least 2,000 words a chapter instead. Updates may take longer if I do that, though.

Chapter 26

Tommy's eyes were flaming in anger upon hearing about Quirrell's attempted murder of Harry. "He tried to murder Harry by tossing him off his broom? Where in blazes was I?"

Hermione gave an apologetic look at Tommy. "Tommy, you were stoned out of your mind."

Lee put up his hands in surrender. "Is naa fi mi fault, mon. Tommy grab de ganja fram out fi mi han, an as it turns out, him hab a connection wid Harry, so Harry stone as well. Is a crazy world wi be living in." (It's not my fault, man. Tommy grabbed the ganja out from my hand, and as it turns out, he has a connection with Harry, so Harry's stoned as well. It's a crazy world we're living in.)

Harry looked at Lee in surprise. "Lee, how could you tell that Tommy and I have a connection?"

"Is easy fi tell, Harry. Tommy can tell wa yu be tinking a lot a de time. Does naa tek a rocket scientist fi figure it out. Naa worry bout a ting, Harry – mi know Jah be on fi yu side, an mi be on Jah's side – derefore, mi be on fi yu side. Mi naa care fa de prejudice a dis Babylon dat de Ministry a Magic is. Everybody de same in fi Him eyes. As fa Professah Quirrell, him a go a Bloodfire soon, mi sure a dat." (It's easy to tell, Harry. Tommy can tell what you're thinking a lot of the time. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Don't worry about a thing, Harry – I know God is on your side, and I'm on God's side – therefore, I'm on your side. I don't care for the prejudice of this corrupt system that the Ministry of Magic is. Everybody is the same in His eyes. As for Professor Quirrell, he will go to Hell soon, I'm sure of that.)

Hermione smiled. "Thanks for you support, Lee."

~DAHP~

One day, Harry, Hermione, Tommy and Ophelia were walking around a castle when a staircase took them in an unfamiliar direction. Going through the door in front of them brought them into a dark corridor.

"It seems quiet here ..." said Harry. "Too quiet, in fact ..."

"Does anybody get the feeling that we are not supposed to be here?" said Ophelia.

"Aunt Ophelia is right," said Hermione. "This is the forbidden third floor corridor."

"I have to wonder why it is forbidden?" said Tommy. "Harry, any ideas?"

"No, I don't have any ideas … except to guess that it's behind that door there."

Tommy walked forward to examine it. "It's locked. Alohomora." The lock shifted. "Wow. A simple locking mechanism: what idiot came up with that brilliant idea?"

"Is that a rhetorical question, Tommy?"

Tommy rolled his eyes. "Of course it's a rhetorical question, meathead. We both know the Manipulative Old Prick was behind this."

Ophelia held him back. "Tommy, what if it's a trap?"

"What, do you think he'd put a nuke behind the door and rig it to blow up on whomever comes through it?"

"While we have never known the old man to be sane, that was not what I was thinking. Just be careful, okay?"

"Of course I'll be careful." He walked through the door … then, with an obscene yell in Harry's head, came running back out a few moments later, his face blanched of all color – as if he had seen a ghost. In spite of his trembling, he managed to shut the door as Hermione locked it again. "D-d-d-d-d-d-d-don't g-g-g-g-g-g-go in th-th-th-th-there," he said.

"I have never seen Tommy so scared before," said Harry, "but anything which can scare him cannot be good. Let's get out of here."

~DAHP~

When the next day rolled around, Harry, Hermione, Tommy and Ophelia decided to go out to Hagrid's hut on the grounds. Hagrid was ecstatic to welcome them, giving each one of them a tight hug.

"Harry, I'm glad to see you! How come you and your friends haven't come out to visit me in all this time?"

"I've been busy with classes, Hagrid. Also, Tommy's a little nervous about meeting you."

"He's nervous, you say?" He looked at Tommy. "Well, seeing your face brings back a lot of memories, Tommy, and I can't say all of them were good." Tommy hung his head. "That being said, Tommy, I like to let the past stay in the past where it belongs as far as I'm concerned. What happened between us in the past has affected who I've become, to be sure, but I don't let it put any limits on me, do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

"I think I do, and for the wrong I did to you, Hagrid, I am sorry."

"Your apology is accepted, Tommy, though good was able to come out of it all the same." He turned to Ophelia. "Why, Ophelia, as I live and breathe, it's good to see you again."

"It's good to see you too, Hagrid."

"It broke my heart to hear of what happened to you in your third year, going insane and all of that. What happened to the culprits?"

"Tommy avenged me by sending them insane as well. They ended up in St. Mungo's beyond all hope of recovery."

"Those bitches deserved it for what they did to you, Ophelia," said Tommy under his breath.

Hagrid gave him a sad smile. "It turns out it goes a long way towards explaining how you went over to the Dark Side, Tommy. And we all thought you were evil just because you went into Slytherin."

"To be honest, I didn't have the proper upbringing to become a good person, Hagrid … in fact, Harry didn't have the proper upbringing either."

Hagrid's face darkened. "What do you mean? Harry, what kind of upbringing did you have?"

"To be blunt, Hagrid, the Dursleys treated me worse than a house elf. Any chores that needed to be done, who did them? I did. Who was the one beaten when things went wrong? I was. Who slept in a tiny little cupboard under the stairs? I did. Whom did Vernon Dursley almost beat to death in a fit of fury? HE BEAT ME!"

"Harry … when I placed you there with them … I didn't know ..."

"It's not your fault, Hagrid. That Manipulative Old Prick Dumblescheiss did not want you to know a thing. He wanted me weak, malleable, and ready to die at a moment's notice in the service of his so-called 'Greater Good' … he did not care about me in the least. He threw my godfather into Azkaban so he could have a clear shot at placing me with the Dursleys."

"He threw an undeserving man into Azkaban? That place is Hell on Earth!"

"He also stole from my vault, paying the Dursleys for my 'care' ..." the air quotes were more than plain in Harry's tone, "which they used on themselves, those greedy pigs ..."

"Are the Dursleys still alive?"

"No, they're dead. You would have liked to rip them limb from limb, am I right?"

"Aye, Harry. So, where did you go to live after their demise?"

"I went to live with Hermione and her parents."

Hagrid smiled at her. "Lady Potter, so I hear … and Professor Snape tells me you're quite the brilliant little witch ..."

Hermione blushed a bright pink. "He is too kind, Hagrid ..."

"Naw, he isn't, and you're just being modest. To tell you the truth, it's rare for him to praise anyone, so for anyone to earn his praise … that's quite the treat to cherish, aye?" The quartet nodded. "By the way, I believe that you and Ophelia are related?"

"Yes, Hagrid, she's my great aunt."

Tommy smiled. "That's right, Hagrid, and I'm her great uncle. I'm an uncle, and I'm great."

"Uncle Tommy … aye, that does have a nice ring to it."

"Here's an idea for an autobiography … MY LIFE WITH UNCLE TOMMY."

"Yeah, Harry, or how about, MY LIFE WITH HARRY IN HIS CRAMPED CUPBOARD OF CRAP?"

This set Hagrid, Hermione and Ophelia laughing as the two wizards went on a mini-duel, which, a couple of minutes later, they had to declare a draw.

Hermione turned to Hagrid, and said, "Well, Hagrid, what is a nine foot Rottweiler with three heads doing in the castle?"

"How do you know about Fluffy?"

Tommy and Harry burst into laughter. "FLUFFY?"

"Laugh it up all you like, lads, but he's there to guard something, and it's none of your business what it is, do you understand?"

They tried to compose their faces as they said, "Yes, Hagrid."

Leaving the hut, Tommy said, "I hope Hagrid stays away from the alcohol … otherwise, we're going to be in deep shit." SMACK! "OW!"

~DAHP~

For the quartet, Christmas vacation could not come too soon. About a week before it started, Harry was putting together the guest list for his place, which was quite extensive: the Weasleys, Neville, Fred and George, Seamus, Susan, her aunt Madam Amelia Bones, Lee, Holmes and Watson …

"Harry, mon, mi naa be sure bout visiting if yu gwine fi hab de po-lice dere." (Harry, man, I'm not sure about visiting if you're going to have the police there.)

"Lee, Holmes says don't worry. Potter Manor is on magical land. My land, my rules. On the other hand, if you're that concerned about getting busted, don't bring the marijuana with you. Have you smoked tobacco?"

Lee's eyes lit up. "Ya, mon, is relaxing too, especially when is in a pipe." (Yeah, man, it's relaxing too, especially when it's in a pipe.)

"That's excellent to hear, Lee, because you're in good company. Holmes also smokes a pipe."

"Dat be cool, Harry. Mi gwine fi come." (That's cool, Harry. I'm going to come.)

~DAHP~

At the London residence of 221B Baker Street, Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were relaxing and smoking their pipes when Fawkes flamed in.

"Why, hullo, Fawkes, my good fellow! How is Harry doing?"

Fawkes gave a merry trill and stuck out his leg. Holmes took the paper attached, and read:

"Dear Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson,

I am happy to report that my first semester at Hogwarts has gone well. If it is no trouble, I would like to extend the two of you an invitation to my Manor for the Christmas holidays. I will send someone to pick you and your belongings up if you accept. In the meantime, I would like to wish you a Merry Christmas.

Sincerely,

Lord Harry James Potter."

"Well, Doctor, it's good to know the young man is kind enough to involve us in his life, even after he starts attending Hogwarts. Have you any plans for the holidays?"

"No, Holmes, I don't have any plans in particular ..."

"Splendid, Watson! In that case, we'll be spending the holidays at Potter Manor. Just let me write up a response ..." Bounding over to his desk, he scribbled on a fresh piece of paper and he gave it to Fawkes. "Give Harry our warmest greetings." Fawkes trilled and flamed out. "Come, Watson … we will have to pack our suitcases … note to self: must visit tobacconist's for two weeks of tobacco ..."

"It's almost inconceivable that any place in the United Kingdom would not have a tobacconist's, Holmes. Are we sure we need to visit the one here?"

"You may be right, Watson, but I don't like to take any chances. It's best to be prepared in case his town does not have a tobacconist's."

"And what if I'm right in my guess, Holmes?"

"If you are right, Watson, that his town has a tobacconist's, then we'll have all the more tobacco to try out – a good thing for the both of us."

"Of course it would be a good thing for the both of us. We both know you smoke like a chimney."

Holmes put his hand over his heart. "My, my, my … Doctor, you wound me."

~DAHP~

Fawkes came into the Slytherin common room, carrying Holmes's response. Harry read it:

"Dear Harry,

It would give me and the Doctor the greatest pleasure to accept your invitation to come out to your Manor for the holidays.

Sincerely,

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson

221B Baker Street, London."

Author's Note: Wow, it certainly has been a while since I've updated this story. I've been working on three other fanfics at the time I'm typing this chapter (March 6, 2012). For those of you who are enjoying this, I'm working on another Dark Harry story entitled, "Malak Al-Mawt: Angel of Death!" Quite entertaining, if I do say so myself … :)

Smiles,

Loki Palmer