Hi and happy 2011! I was going to post this before New Years but I didn't have time, so here it is now instead =)
I'll kick off the new year with another really long AN (slash personal rant). So Christmas has come and gone, and with it a couple of days of family time and above all time off from work. For the most part. During my days off a friend and I had ourselves a little GG marathon and now I'm almost caught up with season four. We got as far as episode 409. And season four, well… Let's just say there were very few episodes I actually liked (and if you are the one person on the planet who is farther behind than I am, beware of spoilers). The whole Eva storyline was especially difficult to get through because I never got if we were meant to believe that Chuck's feelings for her were real. EW sure didn't seem to believe it judging by his acting but the writers kept bringing it up. Anyway, needless to say I very much enjoyed the brief period when C&B were on good terms again but the way 409 ended seemed to imply that Chair is done on the show for a good while ahead. I know a lot of people seem to think that there's been a lot of Chair marriage foreshadowing this season but I didn't pick up on any of it and frankly I don't think the writers are that clever. Then someone was unkind enough to give me spoilers for the spring episodes (I detest spoilers) and those spoilers brought me dangerously close to giving up on this show. Actually I got two separate spoilers, from two separate people, but the other one seemed so incredibly over the top that I don't believe that one. I have at least some faith that the show would never go there, but on the other hand I used to say the same thing about Chuck/Jenny, so what do I know?
I guess it's no big wonder though that I'm losing interest in the show quite fast. I've always watched it for Chair and while I don't need it to be front-and-center in every episode I get bored when there's no Chair at all for too long, and annoyed when they go actively anti-Chair, which they've done far too much in these first nine episodes of the season. On the other hand I'm probably a pot calling a kettle black, given how little actual Chair there is in this story. But hey, in my defense, at least I posted two stories this year which were all about Chair ;)
Okay, I'm done ranting… For now. I'm also done watching the show for a good while I think. I might wait until season four finishes before watching episode 410 and onward. We'll see. At least that way I can watch it all in just a few sittings. Either way I'm done subjecting you to my rants (for the time being at least ;)), so on with the chapter!
Monday after their visit to Yale Chuck expected Blair to be in a fantastic mood. Instead he found her crying on her bed when he walked in with her homework.
"What's wrong?" he asked, unceremoniously dumping her books on the floor.
"Nothing."
"Uh-huh… You can either tell me now or tell me in twenty minutes after we've danced around the issue. Easier if you just flat out tell me. I thought you had a great time at Yale, and that everything went well."
"It did" she nodded. "Getting out for a day was great. Now I'm back here, just like before. How am I ever supposed to be able to get into Yale if I can't keep up with school? I need to be there Chuck. Not just sit at home and do assignments. My straight As are at risk here, and with them my chances to attend Yale."
He nodded, but didn't know what to say. She asked to be left alone so he checked up on the baby and then left. The next day when he returned she was looking sad, but at least her cheeks were dry.
"I got you something" he said.
"More homework?"
"Not exactly."
He tossed her a large box and she looked at it with incredulity.
"Chuck?"
"You were right yesterday. Absolutely right. You need to get back in the game, back to school. I realize you can't spend all day at school when you have the little one, but it doesn't seem fair that you should miss out on all of it. So I got you a breast pump."
She held the device up and looked highly skeptical.
"What exactly am I supposed to do with this?"
"What the name says. Practically all mothers use them. Just pump before you go to school and then your mother or Dorota can feed the baby while you're away."
Blair still looked skeptical. On one hand it would be amazing to get to skip one or two feedings here or there and have someone else do it. On the other hand she had come to love nursing, it was a moment of closeness between her and her daughter that nobody could match. Passing up on that in order to let someone else feed her baby made her feel a touch jealous.
"It's something to think about at least" Chuck said, sensing her hesitation. "Give it a try. If nothing else it might spare you a late night feeding or two."
"Thanks Chuck" she said. "Getting back to school, at least for a few hours a day, would be quite nice. I'm sure I'd feel a lot better if I got to at least try and go to school."
"Good."
The baby began to scream and he walked over to pick her up. Blair read the instructions for the device and thought it over more carefully. She did get out of the penthouse for an hour or so every day, taking Grace for a walk if the weather was appropriate, but visiting Yale and letting her world be about something other than the infant for just a few hours had felt like a relief. Maybe she could use this thing and let Dorota look after the baby for a few hours every day. Not an entire school day, but maybe at least part of one?
Chuck handed the baby to her and she prepared to feed her the old fashioned way. She was far from prepared to give up on this entirely, but like Chuck had said, one or two feedings every day wasn't all that much.
Two days later Blair Waldorf returned to Constance Billard. The plan was for her to attend classes from morning until lunch, and then return home. She had rarely been so nervous as when she walked back onto school property, flanked by a very protective Serena. But she was determined to hold her head high and not let anybody think that she cared what they thought of her. She was still Blair Waldorf, and while Serena had been queen for a while now Blair planned on testing the waters and seeing if she had any hopes of ever winning her crown back. If she didn't, she would at least still act like a queen.
When the school day was over Chuck got Blair's things as usual, but made a few stops on the way to the Waldorf penthouse. When he arrived he found that Blair was not alone. He walked into her bedroom to find her enthroned on her bed with a whole court of mean girls surrounding her.
He stopped dead in his tracks. What the hell? Serena had told him that Blair had done surprisingly well today, but he had no idea she had done this well. Somehow she seemed to have reclaimed her position and now sat like some form of Madonna on the bed with her baby in her arms and a crowd of unwise girls substituting for the three wise men.
The girls were all cooing the baby and falling over themselves to tell Blair how adorable the baby was and how lucky she was to have her. Chuck sniggered. These girls had cast Blair aside the moment they had learned she was having a baby. Now somehow Blair was back in charge? How had that even happened?
"Good afternoon…" he said with little warmth.
Blair looked up at him with a triumphant smile. With a little help from Serena, and a lot of determination, she had kept her head held high and made it clear to the mean girls that having a baby did in fact not make her worse than them, it made her a whole lot better. She was now more adult, more mature and had already achieved the goal most of them were hoping to reach at some point in their lives. And, she still looked better than all of them, even with some remaining pregnancy weight.
"Bass" she greeted Chuck, who didn't look too approving.
"Awfully crowded in here" he remarked. "What are all you drones doing here?"
"Visiting the baby" Penelope needlessly remarked. "What an angel!"
"I thought all of you frowned upon teenage mothers" Chuck commented.
"They did" Blair said. "Until they realized that a queen's greatest responsibility is after all to ensure that there is an heir to the throne."
"Tell that to Queen Elizabeth" Chuck snorted.
"Her dynasty ended with her."
"Tragic."
"You can go now" Blair said, turning her attention back to the baby. "The girls and I have a lot to talk about. And it's almost feeding time."
Chuck felt anger well up inside. He was the one who had made it possible for her to even return to school, but she wasn't thanking him, she was throwing him aside. This wasn't just her baby, he had a right to be there if he wanted to be. But apparently her posse outranked him all of a sudden. The fact that she was currently treating him like he was her personal errand boy made him furious. He had thought something real had begun to exist between them; being treated so dismissively felt practically like she had flat out dumped him, even though they weren't even together. But if that was the way she wanted it then fine by him. Chuck Bass was nobody's servant and he would not let her treat him like one.
He walked over to the bed and unceremoniously dumped her books on the bed next to her, causing her to jump slightly.
"Your minions can bring you your books from here on out" he said icily.
She looked surprised, but before she could think of anything to say he had left the room, without so much as a look at the child.
Blair hadn't thought Chuck meant what he had said. She was very surprised the next day when it was Serena who came over with her books after school. Serena seemed to be kind of surprised too, and a touch annoyed.
"What are you guys fighting over now?" was the first thing she said when she walked through the door.
"What?" Blair said innocently. "Who's fighting? No one's fighting!"
"Really? Then why did Chuck get home so early yesterday and why did he tell me to give these things to your maybe-minions?"
"How should I know?"
"Blair."
"Why must you assume that I've done something bad?" Blair snapped. "Maybe Chuck's just being a jerk, did you think of that? Hello, it's not like it's the most far-fetched theory out there! When you hear hoof beats think horses, not zebras."
"You're both horses in that scenario" Serena said. "And I do think that it's something you did. Because I didn't suggest that it was, you were the one who jumped to that conclusion right away, which ought to mean something."
"I was just having fun" Blair said. "Enjoying my first steps back to queendom. Apparently me having visitors over did not sit well with his royal heinousness."
Serena took a seat on the chair by Blair's dresser.
"That's all?"
"Yes" Blair said sincerely. "And to tell you the truth S, I really needed that. I've been thrown to the bottom of the food chain and that is not a good place for me to be. Finally I was working my way back to the top. It was just one afternoon anyway."
"You did seem quite popular at school today" Serena acknowledged. "You might still have a shot at the throne."
"And you know how important that is to me. Now more than ever. I need a good legacy for my daughter."
Serena giggled.
"B you are the only person alive who could talk about being queen of your high school as something you're doing for your child. How is my little niece today anyway?"
"Screamed all night long" Blair sighed. "You have no idea how much makeup it took to make me look presentable this morning. When I got back home I went right to sleep and I only woke up fifteen minutes ago."
"Can I pick her up?"
"She's having another meal in about thirty minutes. Leave her until then."
Serena threw herself down on Blair's bed, stretching out her long arms and legs.
"Do you really mind coming over with my stuff?" Blair asked.
"Of course not" Serena said. "I just wish you and Chuck could keep the peace for more than a few weeks at a time."
Blair stretched out next to Serena and they stared up at the ceiling together. Blair was still trying to accept the fact that Chuck had sent Serena instead of coming by himself. She really hadn't thought he actually meant what he said the day before. It seemed like a major over-reaction. But maybe he just needed a day or two to get over whatever it was he was trying to get over, and then things would get back to normal.
"B…" Serena said. "When was the last time you watched 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'?"
"It's been months…" Blair sighed.
"Well what are we lying around here for then?" Serena asked, skipping up and off the bed. "I'll go have Dorota make us some popcorn, you load up the DVD!"
An excited smile spread across Blair's face. Okay, so she didn't get the typical afternoon she had gotten used to with Chuck, but an afternoon with her best friend, watching her favorite movie, wasn't so bad. Even if she would have to pause after just a little while to feed her baby daughter.
Chuck had really meant what he said. A week went by without him stopping by once, save for Saturday afternoon when Bart had brought him along for a visit. Even then he had been distant and uninterested in talking to her. Blair couldn't figure out what was going on. All she knew was that she missed their daily routine.
One afternoon after Serena had left she was on the bed with the baby, shaking a rattle over the thoroughly uninterested baby's head. It had now been eight days since Chuck had last stopped by after school.
Blair couldn't understand why he hadn't shown up. It was one thing for him to avoid her because he was pissed at her, he had done that with her, with Serena and with Nate over the course of the last seventeen years or so. Blair had still expected him to come and spend time with the baby.
"Do you miss him as much as I do?" she asked Grace, putting the rattle aside and placing a hand on her daughter's belly.
A sad smile formed on her face. She really did miss him. A lot. She had thought several times about calling him but if he wanted to be left alone maybe it was better to just leave it be? It just didn't seem though like he had any reason for staying away.
"Do you think he's thinking about us as much as we're thinking about him?" she asked the baby.
His visits had been the highlight of her day. She had told herself it was just because it was good for the baby to spend time with her father, and because any visit was welcome and his was one she could always count upon. She didn't want to admit to herself that she thought about him all the time and that she always wished he would stay longer, even if the baby was sleeping and there were no more things to discuss regarding school. She enjoyed his company and wanted more of it.
"We have a problem, Gracie" she said. "I need to stop thinking about him all the time. He is dangerously attractive and appealing. I could so easily fall for him."
As if she hadn't already. But when she said those words, Grace's face lit up in a big smile. It was all coincidence, but it made Blair pause in the middle of what was supposed to be a rant about how dangerous it would still be to fall in love with Chuck Bass. Her baby had smiled. She had never done that before.
"Look at you" she beamed. "Little Miss Sunshine, lighting up the room with her smile! Where is my camera?"
She grabbed her phone and quickly took a picture. The baby's first smile. And as coincidence would have it, she had smiled when her mother talked about having feelings for her father. Her little baby girl had just provided her with the perfect opening.
She immediately called Chuck, while making smiley faces at the baby to keep the smile on the little face. Grace was happy to oblige, apparently entertained by this new way in which she could form the muscles in her face.
Chuck answered his phone after six rings.
"What, Blair?"
"Chuck, you will not believe what just happened" Blair said, almost laughing with happiness. "Grace just smiled at me. Our daughter is smiling!"
"Okay" he said. "That's all?"
"It's huge!" Blair smiled. "Her first smile ever."
"Great. I can't really talk right now, I'll have to call you later."
Stunned she was about to object when she heard a female voice on the other end, cooing something about how Chuck should put the phone away and come join the fun.
"Are you..?" she began, but the question was rhetorical.
"Yeah, bye now" he said, hanging up.
Blair stared at the phone with disgust, scoffing at him even though he could no longer hear her. She was with their child, who had just smiled her very first smile, and he was off having a threesome, or maybe a full-blown orgy, and didn't "have the time" to talk. What an unbelievable jerk!
"I cannot have feelings for that man!" she declared to the baby and angrily threw her phone to the other end of the room, not caring that it probably didn't feel too good after such a brisk treatment.
The baby looked surprised at the harshness of her voice and the smile went away. Grace turned her head away from her mother and lifted up her foot to put it in her mouth. Blair laid her head down on the pillow and wasn't sure if she wanted to maim Chuck or if she wanted to maim herself. What an unbelievable jerk he was.
A few minutes later Dorota came hurrying into the room.
"Miss Blair what happened? I heard loud noise!"
"Forget it" Blair said.
"Why is phone on floor?"
"I can't believe I for a while there believed Chuck would make a half-decent parent" Blair complained. "I just called him to tell him that Grace smiled for the first time."
"Baby had first smile?" Dorota said with excitement.
"See? That's the normal reaction. Chuck's was somewhat different. Though maybe I'm being too hard on him. He did say he'd call me back once he was done with his orgy."
"Oh Miss Blair…" Dorota said, walking over. "Sometime is different for boys. They don't carry baby and Mister Chuck not here all the time. The bonding takes longer."
"Don't make excuses for him" Blair said. "He's only been here once in the past week. For what reason? Because I didn't have time for him one afternoon? What does that even have to do with him spending time with the baby?"
"He just doesn't know how to deal with feelings" Dorota said.
"If you're referring to feelings in general then I believe you."
"Is hard to feel love for someone who does not feel it back."
Blair lifted her head up and looked at Dorota.
"What are you talking about?"
"Mister Chuck has strong feelings for you. When you do not feel back is hard for him. He just needs to lick wounds."
"Okay, first of all, the only thing Chuck has strong feelings for is his penis" Blair said. "Second of all, regardless of how things are between the two of us there's still a baby involved here. Inability to deal with emotion is not an excuse to ignore your child."
Dorota sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Is no excuse" she agreed. "But he is having problem bonding with baby and heart works the way it works. Call him again later. Maybe he's just wanting you to miss him too."
"That's the problem" Blair sighed. "I do miss him."
Dorota eyed her carefully.
"Miss Blair…"
"What?"
"Do you share feelings?"
"Of course not!" Blair spat out. Then she sighed. "I don't know. It's all so confusing. How can I possibly feel something for someone who's a complete ass? Even if he does make pretty great children."
"If you like him then that is good news" Dorota insisted.
"I'm not so sure it is. You say he has feelings for me but nothing he's said or done has proven that."
"I have known Mister Chuck since he was just boy who played with Mister Nate" Dorota said. "He acts different with you now. Looks at you different."
"So what? That doesn't prove anything. Even if you're right Dorota, he's not ready for a real relationship, or real responsibility. The very fact that he hasn't visit his daughter for more than two hours in the past week is proof of that."
Dorota looked away, making a face. There were other things supporting the theory that Chuck wasn't ready for the full responsibility of parenthood, but she had decided not to tell Blair about what had happened at Yale. As much as she disapproved of what Chuck had done, it seemed better to try and keep the peace between the two parents. At least so long as he didn't pull a stunt like that again, but she had to admit that he was getting close to doing just that with this prolonged absence.
"I need to focus on the baby right now and not on trying to convert the world's most persistent bachelor into boyfriend material without even knowing if he feels anything real for me" Blair continued her speech. "He's having an awful lot of sex with other women for someone supposedly in love."
"That is only guess. You don't know."
"I know Chuck. I know that's what he does."
"Coping mechanism."
"Lousy excuse."
"But you have baby together."
"That doesn't mean he's ready to be in a real relationship. I don't even know if I am right now. I've got to think of what is best for my baby."
"What is good for you is good for her" Dorota argued softly.
"I'm not too sure Chuck is good for me."
"I can't tell you whether or not he is" Dorota said. "But if he makes you feel happy then why not be happy?"
"I can't put myself out there" Blair said. "It's too big a risk. The baby has to come first right now. If Chuck does have feelings for me then he should start proving it. He should be here and not with every other girl in New York."
"He has been here" Dorota reminded her softly. "Every day until last week."
"There shouldn't be an 'until' in that sentence."
Dorota nodded. Blair looked at the baby and gently caressed the jaw line she had so obviously gotten from her father.
"Regardless…" she said. "Maybe I'm just fooling myself with what I feel. Grace looks like him, it's plain to see who fathered her. Looking at him I see some of the features my daughter has. Perhaps I'm just recognizing a person I really love when I look at Chuck?"
"Are feelings for him only about appearance?" Dorota asked.
Blair thought about it for a moment.
"No. His voice, the things he says, the things he does, his smile… The smile can't have reminded me of Grace since she smiled for the first time today. And it didn't look like his smile."
"I understand why you hesitate" Dorota said. "Give it time. If feelings persist then they are real. Like Mister Chuck's are for you."
"Again, speculation. And if he actually loves me he's going to have to prove that to me before I say or do anything to take this to the next level. At this point I'm far from convinced that he's not just playing games and as much as I do enjoy games I have to protect Grace from becoming a casualty."
"You will know what is best to do" Dorota said encouragingly. "Give it time. If I'm right about Mister Chuck you will soon see it too."
Blair smiled faintly. Everything was so confusing. She wanted Chuck to have feelings for her but she wasn't sure she dared to feel anything back. She wished it wouldn't hurt to know that he was with some other girl right now. And with the conversation she had just had with Dorota she wasn't able to convince herself that she was only objecting because he shouldn't be out womanizing when he could be with his baby instead.
"Now, about smile…" Dorota said, changing the subject to take Blair's mind off it. "Did you get picture?"
"Yes" Blair said, her smile growing wider. "Want to see?"
She showed Dorota the picture and then set it as her phone's background image. It really was the most beautiful smile she had ever seen.
"We must send it to Mister Harold" Dorota insisted.
Blair nodded eagerly and sent the photo to her dad. She was about to send it to Chuck as well but then changed her mind. If he wanted to see it he could march his ass over there and ask to see it.
"What do you say I go out and buy cake?" Dorota asked. "Tonight when Miss Eleanor comes home we can celebrate baby's first smile."
"That sounds perfect" Blair said, feeling a little better. "You know what? Why don't we dress Grace up in something nice and we can take her out for a walk, and get the cake while we're at it?"
"I will go get outfit" Dorota said eagerly. "Which one do you want?"
"I think the dark green one with the white lace collar" Blair said, getting up from the bed and lifting the baby up. "Come on, honey. Let's get you dressed. We're going to go out and get some cake to celebrate your first smile. Yeah, Mommy can actually eat cake now that she's breastfeeding and has a good excuse. That's two things to celebrate."
She began to gently take the baby's current outfit off but kept the tights. Dorota handed her the dress she had asked for and Blair got the baby dressed without any hassle. Once the clothes were in place Grace smiled again.
"She is happy baby" Dorota said.
"That she is" Blair agreed, lifting the baby up. "And if her father doesn't care enough to come here and marvel at the wonder then he can go eff himself."
"Miss Blair, you should not say that word in front of baby."
"What?" Blair said innocently. "It's just a letter of the alphabet. I'm imparting wisdom. Aren't I, Grace?"
Dorota made a disapproving face but said nothing further as she followed Blair downstairs to get the pram.
"What kind of cake do you want, sweetie?" Blair asked Grace as they stepped on to the elevator. "Hey how about strawberry cake? Your stupid dad's favorite!"
"Miss Blair" Dorota said sharply.
"What?" Blair said innocently.
"Don't take anger on Mister Chuck out on baby."
"I'm not" Blair lied. "I'm just saying that we should get strawberry cake, that's all. It's Chuck's favorite."
"Should we call him and ask him to come over?"
"Not on your life" Blair snorted. "We're getting strawberry, without inviting him, as a punishment to him."
"And I always worried you would grow up too fast" Dorota said with rolling eyes.
"Save the sarcasm for your blog" Blair said with a frown. The elevator doors opened and she stepped out. "And hurry up, will you?"
"Yes Miss Blair."
"Now Grace, let's go buy some cake. The first something we buy to celebrate an occasion in your life! Dorota make sure we document it in the baby book later."
"Yes Miss Blair."
They walked outside and Blair gently put Grace down in the pram and gave the mobile a little nudge. She had found the mobile at a baby store a month ago and immediately decided that it was a must-have for her baby, as it consisted of a number of tiny little high-heeled shoes. They began to walk down the street and Blair took a deep breath, filling her lungs with air. It had gotten colder now and she had barely noticed until today.
"I bet when she gets older she will have the most beautiful smile in all the Upper East Side" she said to Dorota. "Even if she does have Chuck's mouth. I haven't been able to tell whose mouth that is yet."
"I think you like Mister Chuck's mouth" Dorota muttered under her breath.
"Granted she'll be gorgeous at all times, but I think she'll be the kind of person whose smile lights up a room" Blair prattled on, pretending not to have heard Dorota's comment. "Much like me."
They walked down the street, Dorota pushing the pram and Blair constantly glancing down at the baby to make sure she was okay. Grace was awake, making all sorts of noises, and occasionally flashing the hint of a smile. Blair really wished she could have gotten a better reaction from Chuck. She wanted him to be as excited about this as she was. Did he just not get that the first smile was a big deal?
By the time they reached the bakery she realized that she had forgotten to bring her phone. What if he called? She should be completely uninterested in hearing from him after what he had been doing when she called him, but with every minute Dorota's comments were circling in her mind more and more. She tried to pretend otherwise in Dorota's presence but she couldn't stop her mind from thinking about him.
Chuck stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around himself. He wondered again if he should call Blair back but decided not to. He should probably figure out how to handle all of this first before he actively sought her out again.
He dried off and slipped into his robe before walking out to his bedroom and letting himself fall down on the bedspread. He stared at his ceiling and sighed heavily.
Blair clearly didn't want him. That much was for sure now. She had gone through some hormonal crazy and mistaken that for real affection. The moment she no longer depended on him to get some company he was given the cold shoulder. He should have figured someone like her could never actually have strong feelings for someone like him but it stung like a bitch to get it confirmed. During the first two days when he had stayed away it had been partially to lick his wounds, partially to show her that he was not her doormat and partially to see if she would even care. But she hadn't called him once until today. And today she hadn't called because she missed him, she had called about the baby.
The baby. The other thing weighing on his shoulders. There must be something wrong with him because no matter what he couldn't get it through his head that the little bundle Blair was always cooing over was his daughter. He felt nothing when he looked at Grace. Hell, there were people completely unrelated to the baby who seemed to care about her more than he did. That fact scared him more than he cared to admit. There had to be something wrong with a person who felt no attachment to their infant. This was another reason why he had been staying away for several days. Every time he looked at Grace without feeling like he was her father he grew more nervous. If things kept up this way he might even come to dread visiting her, always feeling that he was letting her down whenever he was near her.
Grace deserved better. Blair deserved better. For some reason he even felt bad that Blair hadn't found out that he had left Grace with Dorota that night at Yale. How was it possible that he had gotten away with that once Nate had realised what was going on? If Blair had found out, and been furious with him for that reason, then that would at least have felt better than what was going on right now. Instead the Yale thing was just one more piece of evidence that Chuck Bass was not cut out to be a parent, and Blair had no idea. She had no idea and still she didn't seem to care much that he wasn't there.
Blair didn't check her phone again until that evening when she sat down with Grace to let the baby nurse. Grace eagerly latched on and began to eat like a little pig, just like Blair had expected. Once Blair had gotten the hang of how to hold the baby while nursing and a few other minor details the feeding part of the program had been a cakewalk. Grace had quite the appetite, which was either a good sign or worrisome.
While Grace nursed Blair reached her hand over to grab her phone and found she was almost holding her breath when she looked at the display. She had a new message, and a smile spread across her face. But her joy turned to disappointment when she saw that the message was from her father, responding to the image she had sent him earlier.
Blair made a face and looked down at her daughter.
"Grace why hasn't he called yet? He said he would call me back later, and as evident by the fact that I'm sitting here nursing his baby I know all about his sexual prowess. I don't care who he is with or what he is doing to her, by now he's definitely been done for hours."
She glanced at her phone again, feeling miserable. She shouldn't be feeling that way. She should be excited to read what her father had written. Instead she felt her heart sink to her ankles over the fact that it wasn't Grace's father who had sent a message.
"I hate him" she told the baby. "How dare he be all sweet and kind and make me start to fall for him and then turn around and be so… Chuck?" She groaned. "Oh, what's wrong with me? Why did I ever expect anything different from him? It's Chuck. God's vehicle for making sure people on the Upper East Side experience disappointment."
She let the baby continue to nurse and tried as best as she could to put Chuck and his refusal to call from her mind. She told herself that what actually made her angry was his failure to react to this milestone in Grace's life. Deep down she knew that while that was part of the reason, the main reason was her own feeling of rejection and the fact that it hurt to know he was with some other girl.
Once Grace was done nursing Blair gently held her up and looked at her. She bounced her baby gently to get her to burp. Then a hint of a smile spread across her face. To hell with Chuck. Grace had smiled for the first time that day. If this whole thing with not taking notice of big events in their daughter's life was going to be an often occurring thing then Blair decided to counter it by being excited enough for both parents.
"You smiled today Grace" Blair said, giving the baby her brightest smile. "Do you know how big that is? Mommy's big little princess!"
She gave the baby a little jiggle and was rewarded by another smile. Blair began to make happy faces at the baby, occasionally raising her up above her head. Grace seemed very pleased with this new game and it made Blair's heart swell to see the smiles on her tiny face.
She drew the baby closer to her face and gave her a big kiss.
"I love you, chipmunk" she said. "You look like a chipmunk with those big cheeks."
Blair gave the baby another kiss and then cradled her gently in her arms. With one hand she stroke the thick, dark curls on the baby's head. She loved that her daughter had been born with a full head of hair. Boy babies could be bald but girl babies just looked weird without any hair on their head. The pediatrician had told Blair that Grace would not necessarily end up with the same color and hair quality when she got older but Blair hoped she would at least keep the curls. Blair herself had always wished she had more volume to her hair. She suspected that even if the curls went away the color would stay the same. Grace had the same color hair as Chuck so it definitely seemed within the realm of possibility.
"There's a lot of Chuck in you" Blair mused to the baby. "I guess that's all of Chuck that I'll ever get. Not that I can think of anything better, but it wouldn't be so bad to have him play a more active role in our lives either. Like he did up until last week. Seriously Grace, I miss him. He's practically avoiding me at school."
She bit her bottom lip and rested the baby against her shoulder before gently beginning to rock her back and forth. She glanced over at her phone but it remained silent. She was resolved not to call him again. He was supposed to call her and she refused to go running after him.
"If he is just playing hard to get then he's going to find himself never having been gotten" she said. Then she frowned. "You know what I mean."
The baby spat up and Blair made a disgusted face. Then the unmistakable smell of a dirty diaper filled the room and Blair felt even more disgusted.
"Dorota!" she called.
Moments later, but far too long for Blair's liking, Dorota came into the room and took the baby from Blair.
"Miss Blair everything easier if you change diapers yourself" Dorota commented.
"And rob you of precious time with Gracie? That would just be cruel."
Dorota rolled her eyes.
"Any word from Mister Chuck?" she asked en-route to the next room, which was where they kept the changing table.
"None."
Knowing it was wiser not to say anything Dorota left to change the baby. Blair glanced over at her phone again and sighed heavily. She had meant what she had said to the baby. If this was Chuck playing hard to get then he was going to learn the hard way that Blair Waldorf did not give chase unless given a very good reason to do so. Especially not when he was neglecting their daughter. Perhaps she should pursue him, not for her own sake but to get him to spend more time with Grace. But if Bart hadn't been able to this past week then Blair didn't stand a chance. And if this was the kind of parent he was going to turn out to be then it was better that she found out about it now.
This chapter feels kind of disjointed to me but hopefully it worked anyway. And I have no plans at present of bringing the Yale incident up again so at least for now you could say Chuck has gotten away with it.
Since this is my first update of the new year I would like to take a moment to thank all of you who have been following my fanfics these past twelve months! Your encouragements and tips have been incredibly valuable to me and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that you take the time to read and review my stories. Hope to continue seeing you in 2011 =)