Jori: We are a secret Chapter 26 - Pretending, a victorious fanfic

Chapter Twenty six

[Tori]

I have pondered all weekend, spent every waking hour thinking, and now I'm sure. And the sight of Beck's beaten down face, tired as though he'd given up on something, last lesson, made me certain. I need to talk to Jade. It's better to do it now than later.

I sit down in Sikowitz's class with a weird feeling inside of me.

Sikowitz smiles, as though he s about to tell us a big announcement. "Well, anyone else other than Tori who has a song prepared for the showcase in a few weeks?" I react to the sound of my name and look around myself, suddenly very self-aware. But of course no one looks at me.

She sits three chairs away from me, firm in her position and totally blank in her eyes. I know we are real and I want to stop playing. I want to be able to hold her hand in public and kiss her and at least look at her without feeling guilty. I need for her to decide.

I get an idea and fly up from the chair with a raised, waving hand. "I actually have another song I'd like to present."

"Ah, Tori, great!" Sikowitz walks up to me and place a soft hand on my back while he scans the room with eagerness. "Anyone else?"

Cat begins to bounce on her chair and her ponytail swings around its base. "I have one, I have one!"

"Well then, who shall start?"

Cat looks up at me. "You can start if you'd like."

I simply say "Okay." and walk up on the stage with a feeling of knowing exactly who I am singing this for. I just hope that she will understand what I mean with it.

When I stand on the stage I try to catch her gaze but she just looks through me. I take a deep breath and send a prayer that she will understand how much she means to me even if she doesn't look at me right now. Well, at least she can hear.

Face to face and heart to heart
We're so close yet so far apart
I close my eyes I look away
That's just because I'm not okay
But I hold on, I stay strong
Wondering if we still belong

Will we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls
Will we ever have our happy ending?
Or will we forever only be pretending?
Will we always, always, always be pretending

How long do I fantasize
Make believe that it's still alive
Imagine that I am good enough
And we can choose the ones we love
But I hold on, I stay strong
Wondering if we still belong,

Keeping secrets safe
Every move we make
Seems like no one's letting go
And it's such a shame
Cause if you feel the same
How am I supposed to know?

WIll we always, always, always be pretending?

I note that she still looks through me and with a sunken heart I walk down from the stage.

I sit through the lesson as if I am in hypnosis. And when the lesson ends I walk out first and wait by the door.

She should come out soon… But all I have seen so far are other students bursting through the door from the classroom, eager to get out to the asphalt café and get some lunch, but no Jade…

Another couple of minutes and there she is. A leg in black tights appears through the door and right after I can see Jade's curvy body appear covered in black. She hasn't talked to me since Friday morning's kiss… Instinctively I touch my lips and remember the smoky taste of her, smoky with double meaning (smoking hot and the taste of fumes). I wanted to call her and talk to her, but I decided to stay away and let her process last week's happening… that night.

I storm up to her from behind and grip her thin wrist. She stops in her tracks and looks back at me. A shocked smile grows on her lips when she sees that it's me.

I drag her after me to an empty part of the school, away from everyone else, both to make it easier for me and Jade.

"Tori?" Her voice bounces as she runs after me. "…what was that about?"

I spin around and press her up against the wall. Suddenly I realize what I'm doing and I let go of her shoulders.

Jade laughs "What's going on? You've grown some balls Vega."

I bring my hands to my forehead and turn around to walk around myself in confusion and frustration. For a moment I forget what I wanted to tell her and my eyes roll around like ping-pong balls in their sockets. But right afterwards it strikes me, like a lightning.

I turn to look Jade straight in her face "I don't… I don't think I can do this anymore!"

"Do what? Do you think that we are pretending?" Her voice is low and she speaks with a whisper. She looks worried.

"Yes! Of course! We keep secrets and I don't want to pretend. I need for this to be real. Otherwise we need to stop. I can't hurt Beck much longer!" I cup my hands around her pale face. "We can't go on behind everyone's backs. It hurts him. We hurt him." My eyes get stuck on her red plump lips. And I take a deep breath through my mouth before I can go on. "I love you Jade, so much…" I try to stop the burning tears, behind my eyelids, from rolling down. "…but you have to choose. I don't want to say this…but… It's either me or Beck…"

Jade's face looks now, if even possible, paler than ever. And she looks at me with an expressionless face.

"I know…" All air goes out of her and she slides down onto the hallway floor. "But I don't want to hurt him…"

Waves of frightening thoughts run through my mind. What if she doesn't love me at all? I mean, what are the chances that she would pick me over Beck? Why are you so stupid Tori?! Putting Jade in this position will only break me into pieces by pushing her forward on the predetermined path down towards her inevitable choice which obviously will be Beck, with capital letters!

"Fucking stop it Tori!" Jade says with a demanding voice.

My thoughts come to a halt and I focus on the black, sunken figure on the floor. "What?"

"I know what you're doing."

"What am I doing?" I ask a bit too quickly to sound innocent.

"You think of scary scenarios." She smiles calmly at me. "I can see it in your eyes."

"No I don't" I say rapidly as she got me spot on.

"Yes you do." She stands up and walks towards me. "I love you Tori, I really do and you're right. You're so fucking right." She squeezes me by my shoulders. "But I still care about him..." Her voice dies out.

An unexplainable anger flushes down on me and I grab her hands to throw them off me. "NO!" I back off to stare at her with rage. "You have dumped him before!" I spin around on the spot and then my already spoken words bounces back to my ears and I widen my eyes with fright over what I just said. "Oh no, I didn't mean- I'm sorry-!" I look back at her.

"-It's okay. I know… you're right."

"I'm sorry. I know you need the time. I'll wait for you, and I'll always be here." I walk up and embrace her. "… You won't lose me. I promise."

Jade smiles at my words.

"What?" I try to search the source of her smile in her face but fail miserably.

"You promise?" She lifts her eyebrows.

"Yeah… why?"

"It just means a lot. –That you promise me."

Lust and tension, strong like the most powerful electricity, sparks up between us. I'm not sure if it's only me. But one look of Jade's face convinces me that she can feel it too. She begins to breathe through her mouth and a tiny wrinkle appears between her eyebrows as though she tries to focus.

"I would so kiss you right now." I whisper out, scared of breaking the atmosphere.

"It would be a lie to say I wouldn't like it…" She whispers in response.

"But you'll have to decide first." I hear footsteps approaching us and I hurry up to finish up this conversation. "See you in class." I can't help myself, so I lean in and give her a kiss on her soft, rosy cheek.

A bit bewildered and emotional I hurry down the hallway in the nick of time because now the corner in the hallway, that just a moment ago was my and Jade's hideaway, is filled with students on their way to class.

A/N: Tori has grown some balls and finally given Jade her dilemma.

I fell asleep in front of my computer. That's what you pay for late nights. I'm sorry if you think I'm late with the update but here it is so no need to worry. And as usual, your review makes my day, literally.

The lyrics used: Pretending-Glee