Third Interlude: The Muggle Sister

You wonder if there is ever a time in everyone's life when they wish they were someone else.

You'd certainly not let yourself get to that point if it was the last thing you ever did; it is because you firmly believe that if one cannot handle their own life, then they are not deserving of anything but contempt or pity. You'd choose contempt any time. At least you see sincerity in contempt. Pity is like slime against your skin. That look of pity in people's eyes, as if they're saying 'I know my life is better than yours and I feel like gloating about it, but it's not the done thing, so I'll pity you instead, and you should be grateful for me calling it that'.

Lily is the queen of pity. No one does pity better than your sister. It's what you hate the most about her precious magic – that it's turned her into someone who feels entitled to pity people. You haven't the faintest how that Snape boy can stand it, but if there's one thing you do know, it's that he's the one who started her up on it, with his mismatched clothes and his ugly face and his disgusting hair; he's the one who taught her that, no mistake about it. And you would not even be surprised if the reason he did not care was because it is Lily doing it.

You are no fool, no matter what he thinks of you. You have seen and heard enough of that boy to know what sort of person he is, and how easily he can ruin Lily. From the very start, he has lifted his big nose up at you and your lack of their precious magic, and he has tried to poison her against you, against her life and the place she came from. If anyone asked you, you'd tell them it's due to his father; the whole town knows what Tobias Snape gets up to these days. And you've seen him with his wife on the street, more than once, seen the way that he looks at her, like she is his to own and possess, and yet as if he cannot stand it.

It's the way that Snape boy has looked at your sister since the very first day, and if she were not the ignorant fool that she is, she would have kept well away from him. But unfortunately, your dear baby sister loves rescuing strays, like that little monster cat she pulled out of the gutter, the one that ate all her jumpers. Like this Remus Lupin boy she brought home, some sort of Dark creature, scarred and tattered. But she certainly doesn't understand the way you do that strays cannot be tamed or brought to heel, they cannot be domesticated; they'll stay with you as long as you're good to them, but if it gets into their head to bite your hand while you pet them, they won't hesitate. You should know – that monster of a cat she brought home ended up liking you the most, because unlike Lily, who only ever wanted to smother it in love, you understood what it was, and treated it accordingly.

And Snape's so clearly proven all this to her, yet she hasn't gotten rid of him; take this Mudblood business – you have yet to figure out why she's forgiven him for it. In fact, to you, it seems almost as if she's doubled down on her determination, as if she's trying to prove to God and everyone that there's more to their friendship than a couple of childish years spent talking about magic and a sentimental attachment to ancient history. And in the end, all she's doing is making herself out to be an utter hypocrite in your eyes – she fancies herself to be some sort of champion for social equality (though you feel it makes her look both ignorant and immature) and yet she spends so much of her time on a boy who sees the world so crookedly. And she doesn't even understand how much she has changed in order to preserve that friendship, for no reason that you can think of other than because she likes the power she has over that boy.

And yet you've found yourself thinking recently: 'Perhaps not all of her changes are only due to him; not all of them are for the worse, after all'. You've caught on to the fact that she actually seems to be uncomfortable with all the praise your parents shower on her, for one thing. It's a first that you've seen, but it makes sense to you now that it's come out she's not, in fact, the perfect student they thought her to be. Another point is that the apology she gave you for using that detestable nickname appears not to be another empty promise, because she's not used that name ever since. 'Oh, it's early days yet,' you think, and really, Lily only ever truly takes Lily into consideration when deciding what's right and what's wrong, but you'll give her this – she's certainly trying harder at respecting you than she ever has before, and you can acknowledge that, you're only petty to those who give you cause to be so. Perhaps this time it really will be different. You doubt it, because you've learned to have low expectations of her a long time ago, but perhaps.

What you find to be the worst part in all of this is that she genuinely doesn't seem to understand how she treats people. If you were honest, you'd admit that you can't quite grasp that; one's in control of one's own actions, is how you've always seen it, and one should know where one stands with people and the world. Perhaps it's because she's an idealist, and from what you can tell, idealists all seem to be a bunch of near-sighted fools in love with their double standards, dreaming up a world that could never exist and then railing against the world that does exist, to the detriment of themselves and those close to them, and no benefit whatsoever that you can see.

That's where her championing of social equality and idealism meet, in your eyes – her belief that everyone is equal, which is to you yet another clear instance of her hypocrisy. After all, you'd argue, the primary reason why she's taken on almost all her friends is because she's seen something she wanted to fix in them, something that's lesser than in herself. Yet she would not let anyone say that she'd disliked them the way they were when she found them, because that might shatter her idealistic, unrealistic, double-standard worldview.

Yet you do see the possibility that she might yet outgrow all this – certainly, she's begun taking your words to heart, which is a good start, and if she continues to do so, then maybe she'll also hear you when you try to make her see the folly of her worldviews. You love your sister, whether or not she can see it; you haven't any other but her, and she's certainly not the only one who wishes things could be the way they'd been when you were children. You thought that impossible, and you still do, that's the way the world works. But since your last fight, you've come to the conclusion that there's still a relation between you worth investing in, worth trying for. Especially now, with how your family is falling apart.

Even at a distance, Lily is an unexpected support for you, and you believe you are for her, as well. You feel that it's good that she's gone off to meet with her girlfriends, because she spends far too much time with boys for your liking – though she's certainly not let anyone say any honest truth about how inappropriate all of this has been. Then again, what has been appropriate in this in the first place? And you know that, unfortunately, her foolish idealism will only get her into trouble, thinking that your parents could be reconciled, even if that is what they should do for the sake of all of your positions in society. But deep inside, you don't actually want that, much as it appals you to think how you'll be talked of in town. You don't want it because you feel that your mum deserves to be free to find someone else, someone who will value her the way she should be valued, instead of dreaming about idealistic, unattainable things and hurting her and your sister and yourself in the process.

You've found, over the years, that Lily really is her father's daughter, and so you fear it will one day cost her dearly, more dearly than it's already costing her. Because much as it's upset you, you can see that it's certainly upset her worse. She may think that you do not care for her but when it suits you, but you always know when she's cried. And you suppose she does have some cause for it – no matter how much you detest that school of hers, you cannot dismiss the fact that she has certainly not had the exposure to the slow deterioration of that marriage that you've had. That she hasn't already made herself vocal about wishing the two of them back together, and with your father having given her the power to make that happen...

Instead, she's run away. Your sister, who never runs from a challenge, who goes headlong into inadvisable situations, who believes herself to be the most qualified person in the world for everything, the only one always in the right. That same Lily ran away. If that does not signify a change in her, well, then you are not sure that anything could.

Whether that change comes from her relationship with those boys, Snape and Lupin, or from whatever it is that has been going on in the world of magic, that, you are not as clear on. Lily believes you ignorant and incapable of understanding, but when she discusses her world's politics with either of the boys, her voice carries, and you don't put much effort into not hearing what she is saying. Your supposition, given what you've grasped of it, is that her idealism makes sense – after all, it is the escape for those who do not wish to be confronted with the inevitability of realpolitik.

Then again, if anyone asked you, you'd certainly conclude that idealism is a far harder thing to stand by when it lies between two people, rather than two political ideologies. You cannot imagine that it has helped her in the least during her dealings with Snape. He is far too much of a pragmatist – in a way, vile as it is to you to think it, he is far more alike to you in this than her. It always leaves you wondering what it is that he sees in her, that makes him look at her the way he does, with such selfish hunger and jealousy. Is it all from the fact she condescended to be his friend in spite of who he is and where he comes from?

If so, you'd certainly find him rather pathetic. Not that you've ever thought him anything else, given how like a feral puppy he was when you were children, how he'd follow her around and demand her attention, practically begging for every morsel of it, yet bite at anyone and everyone else to whom she'd bestow it that is not him. Oh, yes, you know full well he has coveted her since the beginning, you remember that glint in his black eyes the day he had approached you, greedy and jealous.

Perhaps that is where they resemble each other, you think, Lily and that boy – they do love their double standards. Snape certainly does have excess of pride for someone so shabby and unkempt, someone with such disreputable family and connections, with such unpleasant disposition, who never hesitates to be vicious and cruel when that pride is in the least threatened. Yet what would be beneath anyone with any self-respect and pride, he has no compunction of doing if it is for Lily. It is as if no low is too low, if it would win him her favour.

And Lily, the idealist, who defends what she holds dear stubbornly, without reason. It's funny to you in an ironic sort of way, that she does her utmost to justify and excuse that which she prefers, while condemning and judging that which does not suit her, even when the former is the worse than the latter. Especially when it is. How many times has she insisted that Snape's actions were not as you both witnessed them, that you were the one who was exaggerating you grievances with him? Like that time when he'd made your clothes shrink or that branch fall on your head, when you'd woken up with your hair suddenly short or your homework stained illegible with ink. Like a hundred other times when he got angry and you got hurt because of it.

Lily's excuse for his actions had always been that he had 'not meant it', that it was you who was more often than not being unfair, when it was so very clear to you that he had control over that wretched force and revelled in using it against you, who could not return the favour in equal measure. And why? Because she had preferred Snape's company to yours since 'magic' had entered her vocabulary, and she herself could do no wrong in choosing on whom she bestowed her attention and affection, so it could not be that that Snape boy was the rotten apple that you have always known him to be, underneath his grovelling ways, it has to be that you are the one not seeing clearly.

You would say that they deserve each other, except that you do not wish your sister to fall any further into these relations than she already has. She can do better on all accounts than Severus bloody Snape, if only she would be willing to pull her head out of the clouds, to lower her nose out of those lofty heights she has stuck it in. But a part of your hopes that perhaps everything that has happened with your parents will help her realise this. You feel that she has it in her still, that there's yet a chance for her to change into someone fairer and less self-important than she's been in the last years. Someone less idealistic.

Ugh, hope. Hope is an insidious thing, and you certainly dislike being a slave to it. But in this, you fear that it is out of your control. If anything good should come out of your father wrecking your family, is your opinion, then let it be your sister realising that she should not emulate your mother and devote herself to someone who is inherently far too selfish to appreciate her for all that she has given him, who will, in the end, turn against her as he has turned against everyone else around him, because there is no one more important to such a person than they themselves.

You wonder, if that were to happen, if Lily would turn out to be the type of person who finds herself wishing she was someone else.

You wonder, too, whether you'd feel pity her if she did, or contempt.

A/N:

For those who might not have enjoyed the second person perspective of the interlude - the interludes serve to shed light on various side characters who won't be getting their own POV sections otherwise, and specifically their views on Severus, Lily and/or their relationship. But I am also using the interludes to experiment a bit with style and format, exploring ways of revealing character psyche through these writing tools. Such experimentation is staying confined to these small sections and won't intrude on my normal writing style.

So, the promised explanation regarding Lily's family plot: I am an adult child of divorced parents, so this topic is one that I could pull on from personal experience. My parents separated after 35 years of relationship (and 26 years of marriage) when I was 22 and my sister was 19, and the general comment of pretty much everyone who heard it echoed Severus' "I cannot believe it". By this time, both my sister and I had been away from home for university, (one and five year respectively). For us, the shock of it didn't come from the separation itself (in fact, my sister and I discussed our fear of it going in that direction only months only before it happened), but rather from the suddenness of the final decision, because we hadn't seen any sort of gradual escalation of issues for a number of reasons, one of which is no doubt the fact that we simply weren't there in the first place (just like Lily). And of course, this ties into Lily (and the other Muggle-borns in general) gradually losing true contact with their home life, something that I found to be quite significant in HP canon, yet utterly unaddressed (Hermione's parents are notably neither named nor ever really seen in canon, the only set of parents of JKR's core seven - similar to how Lily's parents are not named, something she shares with only Peter of the main Marauder Era characters).

I drew on my parents' situation some in building the Evans', but certainly, I didn't copy-paste it. The disparity in how each parent sees the situation in terms of length and severity of issues that built up to the marriage dissolution, the involvement of third parties in some capacity (and I mean this in more than the straightforward cheating scenario of Lily's father, such as wider family giving their opinions, friends who had gone through similar experiences sharing their views, children voicing our perceptions, their immediate environment and microsociety, etc), the fundamental alienation of two people evolving in directions that lead away from each other due to circumstances, lack of foresight and awareness, or upbringing that taught them to place value differently on different parts of their lives - all of those are things that I got to see firsthand and which I feel are perhaps even ubiquitous in something as difficult as divorce.

But most of all, I drew on my own feelings regarding everything, and in some ways even more from those of my sister, because she is the emotional type of the two of us (I'm a hard logician), and we processed things quite differently: I, like Petunia, was the one who needed to be involved with the process, to be part of the discussions regarding asset division and such, whereas my sister basically fled to her boyfriend's for the summer, not wishing to be included in anything for fear of being forced to choose sides. What Lily and I share, though (and neither Petunia nor my sister truly do), is the need to understand the emotions and motivations of both sides in order to come to some sort of personal conclusions, and that disappointment and alienation Lily feels with her mother is something that I also experienced with one of my parents, because in my case as well, one parent was capable of expressing their inner selves whereas the other wasn't in the least, and even lashed out verbally when I pressed too hard.

Naturally, there is one more thing that differs, and that is the ages of the children involved; it is far easier, I think, to come to terms with parental divorce when the child has begun their own life away from home, than it is for teens who are still strongly part of the family unit. In that sense, Lily's position is somewhat nebulous, given that she's away for most of the year yet she's still clearly a teen, while Petunia's is the straightforward one, her having not gone away for schooling. Unlike them, my sister and I were to an extent already accepting of the fact that our parents are far from perfect individuals, but I do have to say that, looking back on the experience, I definitely feel that I've gotten the final measure of both of my parents through it, and that while I've tried very hard to not let anything that happened between the two of them have an impact on my relationship with either, I have also found that knowing it helped me understand how they behave towards me individually and why. One thing I feel grew into an assurance for me - explanations aren't justification. We are all ultimately responsible for our own actions (barring mental illness such as schizophrenia, of course), and understanding why someone behaves they way they do does not excuse their actions. But it is also hard to judge situations or individuals as an outsider, because you can never know what is between two people, so making decisions on this before knowing the whole story is always perilous to greater or lesser extent.

One thing I ask of everyone reading - don't cement your conclusions regarding this issue just yet. One big thing that Lily isn't yet familiar with is what exactly happened in the two years between the affair and now. All she knows is that 1) her parents unsuccessfully tried counselling, and 2) that her mother thought things had gone back to being good. Two (and a half, technically) years is a very long time when there are unresolved problems hanging over the relationship, after all. This will be revisited a little later on, when Lily comes to her final decision regarding her father's suggestion of her (and Petunia) dictating their family's future, after she's had time to discuss it with her friends and let it settle properly in her psyche.

For everyone who has consistently or just occasionally commented on my story, a big THANK YOU! I truly appreciate all the support and thoughts you shared with me over my story, even if I don't always find the time to respond individually. An additional enormous hug and kiss for my pseudo-beta, Moon999, who manages to find time in her super busy schedule to read through all this and share her personal and professional insights into character motivations and actions, policing me for possible OOCness and of course everything else that goes into building a complex story like this one.