Both Ranzo and Isuin sat in a location neither wanted to be. They had wound up after an evening of torture outside on perimeter of the Kuchiki manor. Neither was able to catch their breath and as they sat side by side, differences not forgotten, both grimaced as they twisted the flesh of the other between their fingers.
"Let go…. Of me." Isuin clenched her other fist and slammed it down on the bench that they sat on.
"You… first…" He spoke from behind grinding teeth.
"I don't believe you… splashed me with rice-wine…" She looked away and dug her fingers into her palm.
"You lit my pant leg on fire!" He shouted at her tuned face. His face red from holding his breath.
"You put up a barrier on the women's bathroom door!"
"Oh, and what about that stunt at the fountain display? You shocked the water and put my hand in!" Isuin grinned and looked back.
"Yeah… and I'd do it again…. Princess."
"You are the worst origami!" She snorted, his Japanese pronunciation had oddly enough become pristine with alcohol in his system, it was now fading back into being less than apt.
"It's Shinigami! Shinigami you fool! It's the Gotei 13; not goldfish and it's a zanpakuto, not sand-pacman!" Isuin was this close you using a high level kido and blasting the blighted fool to pieces.
"We'll at least I'm not a pervert!" Isuin's finally let go of his arm and she hauled of a punched him which sent him sliding face fist alone the ground. He coughed and picked himself up slowly.
"I am NOT A PERVERT!" She was nearly screaming and Ranzo laughed then.
"No? It's either pervert ot pyscho!" He stood up and pointed right in her face which she was about to blast of with a kido spell until he continued to speak. "You chase me all around Seireitei and tried to kill me!" He pulled out something from his jacket and tossed it at her face. Sure enough it hit her and she rubbed her face as she picked the odd object up.
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It was a shoe... A shini...gami...shoe...
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She looked up at him, her one eye twitching and Ranzo had the largest grin of his face that she had ever seen.
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"You chased me all over town just to get this shoe back once..." She hit him with the shoe.
"T-This is Byakuya -sama's! What else do you have you theif! You idiot!" She recalled an event she had tried very hard to remove from her memory. All the more now since it involved Ranzo. "Give me everything else back that you stole!" She yanked at his sleeve and dove threw his inner pockets with her other hand. "How could you?" She pulled out a pair of glasses and gasped. "Tosen-taicho..." She riffled around more and pulled out another object. It was a clutch of hair... "Soi-Fon-sama... You Bastard..." The entire memory unfolded on her from before the time she had first recalled meeting Ranzo.
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This is where it had actually all begun.
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"Kyoraku-taicho! Kyoraku-taicho!" Isuin halted abruptly before her captain and bowed. "I have a warning for you! There is a thief in Seireitei and his is claiming items from all of the Captains! You must check your belonging at once!"
The thief had gone about from Captain to Captain and retrieved an item from their person. They had already stolen the very hair from Soi-fon's head and Captain Tosen had claimed to have given up his glasses to the man. She had been about to continue when she spied her Captain putting some of his weight to one side. "Kyoraku-taicho... where is your hat...?" He glanced up at the sky and sighed.
"The thief already got to me... I was injured in the process..." She peered behind him and watched as Nanao fuku-taicho all but sneered.
"I-I shall reclaim your possession at once! This cannot be allowed! Nanao fuku-taicho. Please be careful!" Isuin spun and ran off before Nanao could inform her to not bother. As it turned out, Captain Kyoraku had allowed the thief to both injure and steal his property in an attempt to gain sympathy from his cold hearted lieutenant. It had failed.
"Who would dare steal a thing from any captain in Seireitei... and to be skilled enough to cause harm to Kyoraku-sama... This cannot be allowed... I will find this person and punish them most severely..." Isuin wove in and out of the streets looking for any suspicious people before stopping off in the next district.
"Ah... Little Isuin-san..." She stopped and dropped to the ground and regretted it immediately.
"Ichimaru-taicho... I hope that you have remained unscathed in this time of tribulation... and your close friend Aizen-taicho." She bowed and gave her best attempt at not glaring.
"Of coarse... Who would want to steal anything from Aizen-sama? But this theif is stealing rather odd items as it seems... to have gotten away with the very hat of Kyoraku-taicho's head... how embarrassing..." He smiled at her and she swallowed her contempt.
"Yes... I will be on my way now... Please take care..."
"You know..." She waited while he continued. "It is almost like this thief is stealing personality... no? I wonder... What would it that he would steal from you if he had the chance?" The neutral face she had forced for him washed away and her dislike from him showed clearly.
"Seeing as I have very little, he could only take something small... Perhaps if he took that smug..."
"Ah, ah, ah... you wouldn't want to say anything that might not seemed honorable, now would you?" The grin on his face widened and Isuin could only clench her jaw.
"So very true. I would not wish to waste such words when they would fall on deaf ears... Good day, Ichimaru-san." He bent slightly and put his hand on her shoulder. She was seconds from shoving him off of her and telling him off.
"No honorifics... I do believe young Yachiru calls you 'Rei-san' correct? Well, Rei-san... you should really offer the proper honors to some one of my position..."
"You are most correct, Ichimaru-taicho..." Ichimaru let go of her and walked away laughing.
"So serious... I was only playing..." He never did look back and she moved before she did something stupid like blast him with a kido spell... She could only think of how much that man creeped her out and pissed her off.
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Isuin spent the next two hours tracking down captains and finding out who had been attacked so far and deciding whom she would guard so as to have the chance to catch his thief. As it turned out the following things had been stolen so far.
Soi-Fon's hair tie
Kyoraku-taicho's hat
Tosen gave up his glasses (A spare)
Ichimaru had been asked for his smile... (stranger yet)
Zaraki had given the theif a few bells (strangest still)
As such the remaining captains yet to be bothered were Byakuya, Mayuri, Yamamoto, Toshiro, Joshiro, Aizen, Komamura and Retsu. She made for the first on her list which was Byakuya and knew that off all things to be taken from that man would be his scarf. That stupid scarf that could feed all of Rukongai... she made it halfway to his manor when she stopped and spied him walking normally.
"He's a Kuchiki... he can protect himself, I'm sure..." She decided against guarding him and instead passed him by. Had she cared to have taken a closer look, she'd have noticed he was slightly unbalanced in his walk due to a missing shoe.
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Basing her next effort on location alone, Isuin went to the lower levels of Seireitei and jumped over the walls surrounding district 7 and stopped. She spied a Shinigami clad figure... with his shirt pulled up over half his face.
"You can't be serious..." The theif that was going around and stealing items from the strongest people in Soul Society... was hiding his face with his shirt. Suddenly the man crouched and she followed his path of sight. "Komamura-taicho..." Komamura turned as if he had heard her and she raised her hand to point at the thief. "Komamu...!" She was drowned out with the absurd scream of the thief.
"Bucket head! Give me... your bucket!" He sat on top of Komamura and reefed on his head trying to remove the protective helm that encased the 7th division's captain face. She could only stop breathing as the theif continued to pull and yank. The massive hand of Komamura raised and captured the little man and tossed him to the ground. Glasses, hair piece, shoe and hat all came tumbling out of the pocketed inside of his shirt.
"Inconceivable..." She stepped forward as the man pulled the hat over his head and pocketed the rest. He rose from the ground and pointed a finger at Komamura with menacing spite.
"I'll come back for you..." And he was gone. This man was versed very well in flash step; she had no choice but to chase after him and capture him herself.
"Come back here!" She flash stepped and followed after the reistu that oozed out from the man while he flash stepped his escape. That was when the reistu trail stopped. She'd lost him in a crowd full of people in the market below.
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And explosion knocked rocks and debris everywhere.
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Silence blanketed the scene after the screams of the people and a single word tore through air.
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"Bankai!"
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Isuin rushed around the corner and tried to peer through the fog and smoke.
"Holy shit!" She heard the theif curse and she shivered violently as she recalled the voice of the captain the thief had just attacked. It was Kurotsuchi Mayuri... The theif suddenly came out from the smoke and knocked her to the ground while a particular captain's scarf and mask hung from his face. She had enough time to stand before a bellow rent the air and passed her by in a flourish fog.
"Gah!" The theif turned to see Kurotsuchi Mayuri's unleashed his zanpakuto in its glory. "Giant Angry Caterpillar baby! Giant angry caterpillar baby!" Ashiusogi-Jizo reared up and tried to smash the man-thief-idiot into the building.
"That stupid man... I will cut him open for my amusement and store his entrails for something possibly useful in the future..." He turned and look saw Isuin standing there. "Are you part of this entire charade?" She gulped and backed away shaking her head. She was too startled with having seen what Mayuri actually looked like to speak. She was surprised with how attractive the man was physically yet how complete psycho he was on the inside.
"N-no Kurotsuchi-taicho..." He looked away from her and they both realized that the thief had somehow escaped them both. "Son of a..." She glared at Mayuri as she flew passed him to track down the elusive theif and bring him to justice... She didn't wish Mayuri on any person, but so far the theif was deserving dissection. "Come back here thief!" She called out in frustration and was completely surprise when the theif answered her.
"Go back there? With THAT thing there? Oh hell no." She spotted him and tore after him, both flash stepping with unbelievable ease through Seireitei.
"Give back what you have stolen!" He looked back and grabbed the mask that almost fell off of him.
"Go Back? Your nuts... and why are you chasing me? I didn't steal anything from you... You're not important enough..." He swung hard to the left and she followed after him.
I am one of the Noble houses of Seireitei you stupid, brainless idiot!
"Bastard... Hainawa *Crawling Rope*" A shot of yellow lightning shot out from her hands and homed towards the theif. He dodged yet again and she missed capturing the fool.
"Y-YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!" He suddenly flash stepped a level higher and she lost him.
"Come back here!" His reistu vanished again and she lowered to the ground level to chase him on foot. Chances are that was what he was doing as well and sure enough she found him.
"THEIF!" His face turned as he looked down a road she could not see. His face going from stricken to completely content.
"Bye bye..." He waved at her and disappeared behind the wall to the other road and she followed; mostly. She turned the corner he had and stopped dead in her tracks. A hard something stood in her way and she wondered if she had turned down a dead end until she looked up and cold shot threw her blood.
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The theif laughed from behind the massive form that was Captain Zaraki. The Captain himself wore a rather frightening look as he peered down at her.
"I have been looking for a chance to fight you. What luck..." She ignored the theif taunting her from behind saying things like 'you're so screwed!' and 'this is great!'
"Zaraki-taicho...this man. He is a theif and must be taken in for his crimes..." She got up and stepped away. Of all the people in Soul Society, Zaraki was the only one she wouldn't have tried to help if her life depended on it. He had tried to make her fight with him, spare with him, and she had no idea why... The very sound of the bells in his hair was enough to send her back the way she had come or to outright run.
"Ignore him... your issue is with me now..."
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Isuin shook her head and yanked at Ranzo's shirt again before smacking him with the shoe.
"You are an imbecilic! You should not be allowed to be a Shinigami!" She pulled her hand back again to strike him and stopped as the shoe was yanked from her hand. "Ah..." She looked back and almost died. "Byakuya-sama..." He looked at her and then to Ranzo whom she was straddling.
"I should hope that next time you will plan these 'activities'... indoors and not outside my manor. You are extremely loud..." Isuin gawked and choked as Ranzo begged for help.
"Help me... Cool guy... I tried to tell her no and she attacked me..." Byakuya ignored Ranzo's plea and she got up from the very compromising position she had been in.
"Byakuya-sama. It is not as Ranzo says." But he was gone and when she looked back Ranzo was gone as well. "I must fix this... I would never... with that moron...!" She took back the Kyoraku-taicho's hat and Soi Fon's hair tie that he'd left behind and wore to return them. She couldn't imagine the week getting worse until next day she received in the mail the bill for the new Shinigami outfit she was forced to borrow from Byakuya.
"That...That Bastard..." She crumbled the bill and burned it using kido and was forced to dump the flowers she had received from Hanataro a week before to put out the flames she set on floor mat.