Chapter Twenty six- I'm Sorry

A few days turned into a few weeks once I got my job, school and my new found friends made the days go by all the more faster. Time sure goes by when you're having fun and because of this, it was now October 25. Six days until Halloween, not to mention my sixteenth birthday. People always ask me if my birthday was on April first, because I cause so much trouble. Nope, I was born on October thirty first, probably where all of my attitude comes from.

I was currently propped up against my bed, throwing a tennis ball at the wall opposite from me, the rhythmic "thunk" against the wall hypnotized me and I sat there, my head cocked to the side and staring off into space. The frayed edges of my jeans were noticed out of the corner of my eye and I could see the bare patches of my knee and thigh.

I had one of my many cd's playing, it seemed to be the exact pick for my mood because it was the perfect soundtrack for my feelings right now. The beginning cords to "Thunder" filled my ears and I sat back to listen, to listen to the lyrics that were so fitting because of the emotions inside of me that were like a raging storm.

Today is a winding road

That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go

Whoa(whoa, whoa, whoa)

Today in the blink of an eye

I'm holding on to something and I do not know why

I tried

Nowadays, every day is a winding road that refuses to warn me of the journeys it will be taking me on, that day happened in the blink of an eye. It made me realize that something so beautiful could be taken from me, without a chance to wonder why. I don't know why I'm holding on to him, it's just causing me pain because I know he'll never take me back.

I tried to read between the lines

I tried to look in your eyes

I want a simple explanation

For what I'm feeling inside

I gotta find a way out

Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

Do you know you're unlike any other?

You'll always be my thunder, and I said

Your eyes are the brightest of all the colours

I don't want to ever love another

You'll always be my thunder

So bring on the rain

And bring on the thunder.

Marko, it hurts. It hurts to know you hate me. I can live with us never being together again, but to know you hate me is like a stab to my heart. If it weren't for these god damn emotions I would only love you. I don't ever want to love someone else, but these feelings that I have for David are still tearing me apart. I don't know if I can actually hate him, it still hurts. It hurts me so much.

Today is a winding road

Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know

Whoa(whoa, whoa, whoa)

Today I'm on my own

I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone

I don't know(I don't know, I don't know, I don't know)

And now I'm itching for the tall grass

And longing for the breeze

I need to step outside

Just to see if I can breathe

I gotta find a way out

Maybe there's a way out

It's so hard for me to breathe without you, nothing's the same now and I just can't find my way out of this cloud.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

Do you know you're unlike any other?

You'll always be my thunder, and I said

Your eyes are the brightest of all the colours

I don't want to ever love another

You'll always be my thunder

So bring on the rain

And bring on the thunder.

Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope

I'm wrapped up in vines

I think we'll make it out

But you just gotta give me time

Strike me down with lightning

Let me feel you in my veins

I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain.

I feel trapped, and bound by my shame. My embarrassment, and anger and pain that act like lightning when you struck me down. Oh god Marko, I know. I know it hurts, the pain is unbelievable and it courses through my veins. I feel your pain, and I just want to make it better.

I can't help but wonder if he thinks of me, if he feels like I do. Or has he forgotten me and moved on, is he hurting as much as I am? Has he gone out of his way to distract himself? Does he cry at night? Does he hide behind the smiles, but inside he's crumbling?

Because that's how I feel.

That's exactly how I feel.

My muse was shattered when a sharp knock on my door sounded and my mom poked her head in, "Hon, could you go get Grandpa from his workshop, I have to keep an eye on the stove and Max is going to be here in a little while."

"Yeah, sure." I mumbled, standing up.

I threw on an old black sweatshirt before heading outside to get Grandpa.

I slid open the big wooden door and stepped inside, I took a sweeping look around the room out of curiosity. I was never quite sure what was in here, or how Grandpa spent his days in here, and in my opinion, it looked like he spent all day in a torture chamber with disturbing instruments that just screamed painful.

"Though' I told you not to come in here."

I jumped out of my skin when Grandpa's voice came out of no where. I turned to my left and found him looking at me, a kind of eyepiece pulled up onto the top of his head.

"Oh, I know. Curiosity killed the cat...you know. But Mom said dinner's going to be ready soon. She wouldn't mind if you met Max."

"Ah." was the only thing he said before going back to his project.

"So..um, if you...want to get some dinner....feel...free." I stated, giving him odd looks as I edged my way back out the door.

I slid the door back closed with a bang and turned back to face the house, about to make my way up the hill. That's when the yellow headlights caught my attention. They were cast on the house and across the grass and walkway. Then the kill of the engines and voices were heard.

"Oh fucking....hell no." I moaned, looking down then back up.

Sucking in a gigantic breath of air, I let it out with a whoosh and held my head high, making my way up the hill, my feet making scuffing noises as my heals dragged lightly. I could feel the cool draft against the bared skin from the rip in my jeans beneath my left butt cheek as I walked. I cleared the top and found the four guys that I used to be friends with hanging around, talking, laughing. Like nothing had ever happened, and that hurt. Like someone punched my heart and left it throbbing.

I wasn't really paying attention until someone called my name.

"HONEY!"

And then a small figure threw themselves at me, forcing me to catch them.

"Hi, Hon-Bon!" Laddie's childlike voice spoke, his white teeth shone in an ear to ear smile.

"Hey, Laddie." I smiled softly and placed him on my hip and continued to walk.

"How are you!?" His over cheerful voice pierced my ears.

"Oh, I'm okay."

I was a few feet from the guys now, "what have you been up to?" Laddie interrupted my thought.

"Oh, you know." I shifted him slightly, "same old." I placed him back on his feet, "same old."

I caught the gaze of Paul and it was cool. Like he would stare at another guy, trying to intimidate him. I swallowed and walked through them, past Paul. I happened to catch Marko's eyes and I visibly flinched and looked away, quickening my pace.

"What do you mean "same old"?" Laddie asked me, running up behind me and grabbing my hand. I looked at him and shrugged.

"Nothing special is going on in my life right now, Kiddo."

"Why not?"

"I don't have time for fun anymore is all."

Laddie gasped, "how can you not have time for fun?"

I chuckled and ruffled his hair, "Grade eleven, Sweets. That's all I can say."

"You mean you don't go out with friends?"

"Not often."

"Wh-?"

"Anyone ever tell you that you ask a lot of questions?" I grinned down at him.

"Yeah, everyday."

I shook my head and laughed out loud. When I stopped I turned back to the cyclists and stared at David.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

He shrugged.

"What do you want? Huh David. What could you possibly want now." I snapped at him.

He smirked and his voice was like black silk dripping with sin, "we're looking for Michael."

"Michael?" I was perplexed, then added as an after thought, "thought he had better judgement."

"And you do?" Michael smirked, coming out of the house.

I turned to him, "never said I did."

He grinned and shook his head, rolling his bike out from the garage. I glared at his back and continued my glaring when he turned around.

"What?"

"Asshole." I growled then turned to walk away but he grabbed my arm.

"What the fuck did I do to you?"

"What don't you do, Michael!" I yelled at him.

"Stop being a bitch!" He growled back.

"DON'T BE AN ASS THEN!" I screamed.

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?" He bellowed into my face. "WHAT'S UP YOUR ASS?"

"YOUR HYPOCRISY!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"ALL OF YOUR GIANT ASS SPEECHES ABOUT ME HANGING OUT WITH THEM!!!! And what do you go and do? Hang out with them. What? Are you in if for Star? Is she the one you want?"

"Don't tell me what to do."

"I'M NOT TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO. YOU WILL KNOW WHEN I TELL YOU WHAT TO DO!!!" I screamed.

"Why are you acting like such a stuck up bitch? Someone shove a stick up your ass? You've been acting like this ever since..."

"EVER SINCE WHAT MICHAEL!?"I screamed, giving him a shove on the chest, "EVER SINCE WHAT? FUCKING SAY IT, SAY IT MICHAEL!"

"Since you stopped hanging out with them."

I gave him the nastiest look I could muster, "Well newsflash Mikey, I've always been a bitch."

We glared at each other, getting right into the other's faces. That's when I heard the loud base thundering up the hill, then the sound of a car shutting off. The lights blinked on and it honked.

"Hey Honey!" A blonde girl called to me, hanging out of her window. "We just in time for a little sister, big brother brawl. Damn, I forgot the popcorn girls!"

I turned away from my brother and looked down at the pickup truck with the blonde in the front and four others in the back.

"Hey Kayden!" I grinned at her and walked over.

"What's going on?" she asked me, nodding towards the boys.

"Nothing important."

"Hmm, seems like you were getting into it with your brother."

"Yeah, well. We're always getting into it lately."

She laughed, "well what are you doing tonight?"

"Didn't have anything planned."

"Come to a party with us?"

I looked to the back with the other girls, "looks like they started the party early." I grinned noticing the beers they all had.

"Yeah, gotta have a few before the actual event." She grinned at me, "so, whaddya say?"

"I don't know. I was supposed to stay home and have dinner with my Moms boyfriend."

"Oh fuck that, that's bullshit right there. Its Friday night, you should be having fun with your girlfriends."

I shrugged, "well I guess I could ditch her for the night. I've already met him anyways."

"Yeah! Besides there's gonna be seniors there." She grinned getting out of the truck.

I started walking with her beside me, "really?"

"Oh yeah. And guess what?"

"What?" I asked as we walked through the guys.

"Josh, the quarterback on the football team. He asked for you," She smiled at me.

My mouth opened and I gasped.

"He asked for you personally. He literally told me this "I hope that sexy little Red headed friend of yours comes. Everyone knows its not a party without Honey there."

I laughed, "got that right."

We quickly picked out my outfit and then hurried back down the steps outside. The guys were still there. That's when I noticed the change in song and the chorus was about to start.

"I love this song!" I crowed, knowing that the song was exactly how I felt.

"I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry I'm blue. I'm sorry about all the things I said to you. And I know, I can't take it back. I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds. And Baby, the way you make my world go round. And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry." I belted out.

This song was my favourite, it was the soundtrack of my life and everything I felt was described in this song. I'm sorry for everything I've done in my life. I'm sorry for hurting you Marko. I wish I could take it back, but no matter what I say, nothing is good enough. You'd never take me back.

"Well, aren't we just the little miss Multi talent." Kayden teased, giving me a slight push on the shoulder.

"Yeah." I spoke softly.

"C'mon, get in. Lets get outta this place."

"Sure thing." I grinned, hoisting myself up into the truck.

I looked out of my window as the truck started up with a roar. I watched the guys as they stood there, they staring back at me. I looked straight into Marko's eyes and he into mine. The pain was evident on my face and I felt the tears well up in my eyes. One lonely tear fell onto my cheek.

"I'm sorry," I mouthed.

And then we drove off.

Marko's POV.

I stared after the vehicle as it drove off, her face imprinted in my memory. That one single tear wrenched at my heart...at what was left of my heart. It hurt to see her like that.

"Don't worry man. She'll come crawling back to you." Paul spoke from behind me, clapping a hand on my shoulder.

"Whatever." I shrugged his hand off.

"I'm over her anyways."