Title: A Complicated State of Happiness
Author: ZombieJazz
Fandom: Law & Order: SVU
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Will (and his family) and Noah have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.
Summary: With her son now two, Olivia moves into a new condo where she has a friendly but geeky neighbour. She continues to navigate being a single mom and her work - while now also trying to find her place in a new neighbourhood and figure out what she thinks of and wants from this Will guy.
Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. Her relationship with Elliot is that of partner and protective older brother and colleague. It won't devolve from that - they aren't ever going to get together in this series. If you're an E/O shipper, you likely won't enjoy these stories. The timeline is a little loose and since most of the stories ultimately takes place outside of the work environment, there aren't too many references to cases from the show. But this series would generally be starting in about Season 10/11 of the show. Please let me know what you think and if you distribute elsewhere.
Olivia impatiently pounded her fist against Will's apartment door. He wasn't answering and she was getting annoyed.
She'd thought about not answering her phone when his caller ID had shown up. They hadn't spoken to each other for several weeks to the point that they'd barely acknowledged each other on the elevator. It actually seemed like Will had been going out of his way to avoid her on the elevator. He must've been staying in his apartment if he heard her and Noah enter the hallway as he was heading out and the couple times they'd both been in the foyer of the building at the same time, he'd made a production out of taking his time to check his mailbox and toss each piece of junk mail so he wouldn't have to get on the elevator with them then either. But Olivia had mostly been OK with that. Taking some space seemed like the best option – especially since she had her son to think about too. She needed to end any attachment that she'd let develop – for her or for Noah.
But seeing his name on her phone had made her suspect something was wrong. Either with the building or her apartment – not him. She couldn't see any other reason he'd call. She didn't think he'd be stupid enough to call her in the middle of the day when they were clearly in a not-talking phase. That would just piss her off more. He'd be able to figure that out. She hoped.
But the call hadn't been what she'd expected.
"Are you still out?" he asked without so much as a hello. He sounded awful on the phone.
"Yes," she'd offered cautiously. She was more-or-less still out. She was at work. She'd likely be leaving soon – if she could get some things in order. It was proving a long day.
"Can you stop on the way home and pick up a prescription for me?" he'd mumbled. "I'll owe you."
She'd initially protested. She didn't want to get involved in his life – not then. So she'd told him to go himself or to call and have it delivered. But his responses to both of those suggestions had been even more mumbled and unintelligible. He sounded like death to the point that it softened her.
"Are you OK?" she'd asked.
"Yeah," he muttered. "I just … need my prescription."
"Are you sure you shouldn't be heading into a hospital? You don't sound very well," she'd told him.
"I'm fine," he muttered. "Just … will you be able to pick it up?"
She'd sighed and still contemplated saying no. But she just didn't have it in her to be that cruel. So she'd agreed and had made the stop on her way home at the pharmacy he'd instructed her on. The pharmacist had given her three bottles of medication and had asked if she needed them explained but she'd declined not wanting to dig into Will's personal life more than she'd already had. Still, she'd looked at the labels as she did leave. None of the names was recognizable to her and she came across a fair number of pharmaceuticals in her line of work. But she supposed these weren't popular party drugs or date rape drugs. Will hadn't said what they were for and she hadn't asked but she was curious. He didn't strike her as sickly for someone who had three bottles of prescription drugs on hold for them at the pharmacy – and these didn't look like he was trying to get over a bout of bronchitis or a sinus infection.
"Will," she called out as she pounded on the door again. There was no movement she could hear inside. She was starting to wonder if he'd got sick of waiting for her and had gone out to get the meds himself or if he'd fallen asleep.
She glanced down at Noah and sighed. He was looking a little impatient too – and tired. She really just wanted to get this errand done so she could get into her apartment and start getting her son ready for bed. Maybe that'd mean she could get to bed too. She was likely kidding herself. This case was going to have her up all night so she was prepared when she got back in in the morning. It was going to a haul.
She pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed his number. Maybe whatever was ailing him had sent him off to the hospital and he was too out of it to have thought to let her know. But as his phone rang in her ear she could also hear the phone through the door ringing in his apartment.
She pounded on the door again. "Will?" she yelled a bit louder, to the point that she was likely really disturbing the other people on the floor. "It's Olivia. I've got your prescriptions."
Still nothing. She stood and listened some more. Still no movement but she thought she might be able to hear the shower running. Maybe he wasn't hearing her through the spray?
She let out another small sigh and looked back at the phone. She thought for a moment about leaving a message and just telling him to come next door when he was done and ready to retrieve his pills. But she'd been standing out there a while – it seemed odd that he hadn't heard the knock on the door or the phone and stopped the shower or at least called out something from the bathroom. She was starting to get a little worried. He hadn't sounded well on the phone.
Her hand reached for the doorknob and tested it. It was unlocked. That wasn't smart, she thought. She almost found herself hoping that after she turned the knob the door would be halted by a door chain – but again it wasn't and she found herself looking into his space. It was an exact mirror of her and Noah's shared space. Though, Will's looked much more masculine – and rather sparse.
"Will," she called again, reaching and gripping her son's hand tightly.
"'ILL!" Noah called too.
She gave him a small 'shh'. "Your door is open. Are you home?"
Standing just inside his doorway now, she could undoubtedly hear the shower going. She listened for a moment.
"Will?" she called again and this time there was a slight mumble in return.
She guided Noah inside a bit more and closed the door.
She glanced around the apartment as she got further into the living space. He had a couch that looked far more comfortable than hers and a large flat-screen television and surround sound system that made her wonder why he would've ever wanted to come watch the Knicks on her. There were what looked like comic books framed on his walls and shelving that looked more filled with CDs and vinyl than they were books. It was a lived in but distinctly unlived in space. It reminded her a bit of what her living room had looked like before Noah – trying desperately to have a personality and to be some sort of retreat when it really didn't feel like either at the same time. Though, she never would've had comic books in her apartment – let alone framed on her wall. Nor would she have the pile of boardgames sitting above what looked like his fully stocked but rather undisturbed liquor cabinet.
She took Noah over to the couch and set him down on it. He bounced on it on his knees and looked at her.
"Where 'Ill?" he asked.
"I think he's in the bathroom," she said.
"'Ill go potty," Noah informed her.
She smiled and just touched his cheek. "Just stay here a second, sweets," she said and moved down the little hallway to the bathroom.
"Will?" she asked yet again, tapping her knuckles on the door. "You really shouldn't leave your door unlocked."
With the tap of her knuckles, though, even that was enough to nudge that door open too, which obviously hadn't been closed properly.
"I left it open so you could get in," she heard at such a low level that above the water she really could barely hear it.
"OK," she allowed. "Do you just want me to leave the prescriptions in the kitchen?"
"Just put them on the counter," Will muttered.
She looked at the crack of the door. She couldn't feel any heat coming out of the bathroom from what was clearly an extended shower. She also couldn't see any steam. She couldn't see much of anything. He appeared to have the light off.
"Are you OK?" she asked.
"I'm fine," his voice sounded in pain. "I'll be fine when I take my pills."
"Maybe you should take one now?" she suggested.
She'd barely said it when she heard the distinct sound of retching. She stood there for several beats trying to decide what to do. This didn't seem like laid up in bed with a cold or flu behavior at all. She knew that men had a tendency to over-blow their illness and make even a head cold seem like they'd just been infected with Ebola but it almost seemed like Will was downplaying whatever was ailing him. Not that that was likely unreasonable. It wasn't like they were best buddies or anything. She was just convenient to pick up his prescriptions so he didn't have to go out again. Or at least that's what she was telling herself. But listening to him be sick behind that door was stirring a very different reaction in her. She wasn't good at just leaving people – not in a situation like that – where they were sick and hurting. She might've told him to go packing when she thought he could hurt her or her son but she couldn't go packing herself in that moment.
"Do you have the flu?" she asked through the ajar door.
"No," he muttered but he'd barely coming out of his mouth when the dry heaving started again.
She stood there for barely half a second more. "I'm coming in," she said when she was already opening the door. She switched on the light and stepped into the space that was damp and chilled to the point it near permeated her skin to shivering.
"Turn out the light!" Will quickly demanded with an agony to his voice.
She listened and reached and switched the light off, standing on the one-side of his novelty shower curtain that was scribbled with chemistry notations. She weighed exactly what she was supposed to do now. She had already invaded his space. But he wasn't exactly telling her to leave. Though, she also wasn't sure he had him in it to tell her to leave at that point. Still, pulling away that shower curtain and getting into his face while he was presumably naked was another story. He wasn't a victim. He was her neighbor. But he clearly needed help.
"What's wrong?" she asked again.
"Just leave the pills on the counter," he mumbled and she realized the voice wasn't coming from ear-level. He must've been sitting in the tub with the shower raining onto him.
"Can I call someone for you? Your parents?" she asked.
"I'm fine," he muttered.
"You don't really seem fine," she said and looked at the bag of prescriptions in her hand, examining it more carefully.
"It's just a migraine," he finally provided. "I'll be fine when I take my pill."
"So maybe you should take one now," she suggested.
"I'm still puking," he muttered.
Olivia wasn't familiar with migraines. She heard people say they had a migraine. She knew some people who claimed they got migraines. But even though she knew it was legitimate medical condition, she'd always just thought it was a bit of an over-blown headache. She'd never seen someone sitting in a dark bathroom with a shower that felt like it must be running on freezing while they had a migraine. It didn't seem like it was a cure-all to her.
"I think maybe I should call the hospital for you," she said.
But apparently that annoyed him. Any modesty he had was apparently forgotten at that point and the curtain pulled partway back.
Will was sitting naked at the bottom of the tub, near curled in a ball with the water beating on him. He looked pale and flushed at the same time. His eyes were dilated and glassy in a way that looked more like drug addict than someone who'd been sitting in the dark – and he was shivering. Badly.
Olivia advert her eyes a bit. With how he was sitting and the curtain only partway across she couldn't see much but it didn't feel right to be looking at him either – especially when he was like that. He was clearly vulnerable in that moment. He seemed agitated, in pain and just generally out of it.
His hand was holding out to her in a demand on his face that looked more like a grimace than any sort of authority.
"Just … just give me the pills," he cringed.
"Mommy …" she heard behind her before she was able to respond and glanced back at the door where Noah was peaking in. Will made another noise in the tub and his hand fell back to huddle around him. "'Ill?"
Olivia looked at her son and glanced at her neighbor. "I'll be right back," she near whispered and then went and scooped Noah up, taking him take to the couch. "I need you to sit here while I help Will, sweets. I'm only going to be a few more minutes."
She glanced around to see if she could see his remote in an attempt to distract her little boy but when she did spot it, it looked far more complicated than anything she had at home and she wasn't about to attempt try to figure out how to operate the sophisticated looking system he had set up in his living room. It looked like he had his stereo and computer outlets and God knows what else feeding into his TV. With her luck she'd push some button and send it into irreparable repair. So instead she grabbed at her purse where she'd left it on the ground and rummaged through it for one of Noah's little toys.
"'ill 'ath time?" Noah asked her as she gave him one of his dinosaurs.
"Yeah, sweets, Will just isn't feeling very well and is taking a bath to try to feel better. OK? So you just stay here for a couple more minutes and I'm going to give Will his medicine and then we'll go home."
Noah sort of nodded – or at least looked more interested in his dinosaurs than anything she had to say for that moment. So she might get thing that resembled about two more minutes of privacy to try to help Will. Though, she didn't get the impression that he wanted help. Still, she went back to the bathroom. He was still shivering in the tub.
Olivia pulled the curtain open a bit more. "Will, I think you need to get out of the tub," she said and reached to turn off the water and he glanced up at her.
"No," he mumbled as the water stopped. "It's the only thing that helps."
"You're going to give yourself pneumonia in the water that cold," she told him and crouched down next to the tub, trying to make eye contact with him but he seemed dazed. If this was what a migraine looked like, she was suddenly feeling badly that she usually just wrote it off as a headache. This didn't look like any headache she'd ever had.
Will didn't make eye contact with her and instead she was left looking at the outline of his body. She'd seen him in the pool enough to know he was covered in tattoos but pulled tight in a ball he looked even more painted in them. Yet, his usually tight and fit body somehow seemed very frail in that moment. So she instead found herself glancing around the bathroom to try to see where his towels were – to try to warm him up.
"What about warm water?" she asked as she looked. "Would that help? Warm you up? You look really cold."
"No …" he murmured. "Just … my pills."
She nodded and reached back behind her and took the bag from off the counter and looked in it. "Ah … which one do you need?"
But he just put out his hand again and she watched as he shook while trying to handle the package with wet hands. She wasn't sure if it was shakes out of pain, illness or chilled to the bone. But he was fumbling so much that she couldn't stand to watch it and took it back from him and pulled out the first bottle.
"This is … Ami …" she started trying to figure out how to stay the medication's name.
"That's the one I forgot to refill," he muttered.
She glanced at him. "OK. So is this what you need right now?"
He shook his head. "But I should take it," he said. "I'm supposed to take it daily."
She looked at him. She thought about telling him that not taking a pill you're supposed to be taking daily was a stupid idea but she also didn't think she needed to tell him that. Instead she read the label and opened the bottle and handed the one tablet. He put it in his mouth and appeared to try to swallow it without so much as a glass of water.
"How many days have you been off it?" she asked.
"Too many," he muttered.
"That wasn't bright," she said even though she'd been trying to restrain herself.
She made a noise that at first she thought was acknowledgement or displeasure at his comment but then she realized he was dry heaving again. The pile he'd just swallowed came back out in a pool of bile that he managed to vomit down one of his pulled up knees.
"God …" he muttered but he sounded near tears.
Olivia put her hand on his shoulder as his head hung and he repeatedly spit whatever taste had been left burning in his mouth and throat from that round of vomit.
"You need to get out of the tub," she told him again, this time with a firmer voice.
"I need to get my contacts out," he said in reply. "It hurts."
She nodded. "OK," Olivia said. "Get out of the tub and I'll let you get the contacts out."
"The light," he muttered.
"I'll be quick," she assured him.
He nodded and moved. Apparently at that point any modesty he had left was being cast to wayside. As he unfolded himself, Olivia again got a full view of everything Will had to offer. Well, as much as there was to see of his offerings when he was in apparent agony and had been sitting in a cold shower for God knows how long. He was definitely in a state that neither of them really cared about what either of them was seeing or wasn't seeing. Still, Olivia tried to give him a moment's privacy, turning and again searching for a towel, finally realizing it was on a rack on the back of the door and grabbing it. As she turned back, Will looked like he was still fumbling to find his balance to get out of the tub. So she threw the towel over her shoulder and again leaned forward, putting one hand under his armpit and his hand found her bicep and then her shoulder.
"It's OK," she assured him. "Put your weight on me. Let me help you up."
He still fumbled for a moment but then managed to hoist himself upright. He seemed unsteady on his feet as he did get up and swayed to the point that Olivia quickly reached out her hands and grabbed under his elbows trying to steady him. He seemed almost drunk or in a state of vertigo.
"You OK?" she asked. He gave a small nod but then as he moved to step over the ledge of the tub he again swayed to the point she thought he was going to fall and grabbed as his slippery body. "Just …" she tried to get more of his weight against her and he seemed to readily accept it. "OK …." She said as she felt they had him steady enough and he stepped out of the tub.
She held the towel to him but he seemed dazed and swayed a bit more – like he was still getting his bearings now that he was standing. So she draped the towel over his shoulders instead and took his elbow and nudged him towards the toilet. She reached and pushed the seat and the lid down – the entire setup looked like it could use a cleaning. Enough so that after she got him sat down – his bare ass against the hard plastic – that she stepped to the sink and washed her hands.
"OK, I'm going to turn on the lights," she told him after she finished her scrub down. "See if I can get your contacts for you."
He didn't say anything but as she went to the switch and put them back on, she saw that he'd bowed his head and it looked like he had his eyes closed. She looked at the counter and saw his contacts paraphernalia and collected the container and moved it closer to where he was and went to stand in front of him.
"OK," she said. "I'm ready when you are."
He again didn't respond but then slowly lifted his head. "Have you ever done this before?" he asked.
"I'll figure it out," was all she provided to that.
His eyes opened to slivers but he eventually tilted his head back a bit and she stepped closer to him and held open his one lid and looked into his eye. The pupil was so dilated that she could barely see his iris – even as his eyes now coped with the bright light. At least it made seeing the contact easier and she tapped the tip of her finger against it. His eye tried to blink under where her hand held the lid open.
"I've almost got it," she assured him. As she did get it out, he blinked rapidly and then closed his eyes while she got it into his storage container.
"Fucking light," he muttered and again went to his bowed head position for a while. She just stood next to him with a hand on his shoulder until he tilted his head again and she got the other one. That one more quickly and she put it in the container as well. "Sorry," he said quietly as she did.
"It's OK," Olivia said.
It felt a little strange but it also didn't – which was strange of itself. But she couldn't very well have left him sitting in the bath tub in agony. She wanted to hope that most human beings wouldn't do that. But she also knew that was hoping for too much when it came to a lot of people. But, Olivia wouldn't let him suffer. No matter where they where in their friendship or relationship or being neighbors or whatever – she wouldn't do that to him. Even if this was adding some new and stranger awkward dimension to it – for a man she'd only known a handful of months.
Will fidgeted with the towel a bit, seeming to slightly register that he was fully naked and he was doing little to cover anything from the waist-down. He pulled the towel a bit tighter around him and tried to tuck the one corner over his crotch.
"Do you want to try your pills again?" Olivia asked.
"Yeah," he said quietly. "Can you turn out the lights again?"
Olivia nodded and did that and took the pills back off the counter. "The same one as before?"
"I'm going to take them all," Will said. "Just …" He actually reached and took the bag from her this time and pulled out the one bottle. "These ones dissolve. I'll try the others if it looks like the heaving's stopped."
She nodded and again took the packaging from him as his hands still seemed to tremble. She held it out to him as she got it out and he put it under his tongue and just sat there. His knee was bouncing – she wasn't sure if it was out of discomfort or nerves.
"Does this happen a lot?" she asked.
He shrugged. "Enough," he said quietly. "It's OK. This one will space me out. One of the other ones will stop the nausea and knock me out, if I can keep it down long enough."
She gazed at him. "Are you sure that I shouldn't call EMS for you? Your pupils are really dilated, Will. You seem … unsteady."
"That's normal," he said quietly. "I'm OK. I'll go lay down in a minute. You can take Noah home. Thanks for bringing the meds. For helping."
Olivia let out a sigh. "I think I should stay until the vomiting's stopped and you can get your other pills down."
Will gave a nearly indiscernible shake of his head. "That might be a while. This is … a bad one."
"Then maybe I should call your parents? Or one of your brothers? So you're not alone right now?" she suggested.
"No," Will said. "We aren't like that. I don't want them here."
Olivia eyed him again for a moment and rubbed her eyebrow. "OK," she said and let out a sigh. "Then … let's go and get you dressed and you can come over to my apartment."
Will glanced at her with slanted eyes.
"I need to put Noah to bed too," she said, "and I can't be back and forth checking on you. So … you're just going to have to sleep this off at my place."
Part of her couldn't believe she was saying it. But a larger part of her knew that she couldn't leave him sitting there – alone – like that. She wouldn't want someone to do that to her. She wasn't about to do that to him. Not matter what he'd done to piss her off previously. That was seeming rather irrelevant at the moment anyways. Right now he was someone who needed her – or needed anyone really. And, Olivia wasn't one to turn her back on that.