AARON LIVESY

-The Chase-

"Why?"

After a total of seven days in hospital Aaron had been released and was now standing in the kitchen of Smithy cottage looking around, he sighed quietly, so many memories good and bad, of Jackson being there, the good old days was what those memories were to him, nothing remotely compared to them these days.

"You alright mate?" Paddy asked as he walked in carrying Aaron's bag from his hospital stay.

Aaron nodded and turned to him. "Just thinking" he replied quietly.

"Sounds dangerous" Paddy replied with a smirk as he walked around to face him.

No expression appeared on Aaron's though. "I miss Jackson" he bluntly replied.

"I know mate" Paddy looked on sympathetically.

"T-this place looks different"

Paddy frowned. "It's the same as before Aaron" he began gently, but it was the way he had to be, Aaron was very, very fragile more so than ever. "You weren't gone that long"

"Oh" he numbly replied with a slight nod then began to turn back to the small hallway. "I'm going to my room"

Paddy didn't reply but just watched him walk away with his head down. Seconds later his thoughts of Aaron were stopped when Rhona entered from the surgery. "Is he back?" she asked with a rather annoyed tone.

"Yep" Paddy replied sharply. Previous to Paddy going to pick Aaron up from the hospital he and Rhona had a rather heated discussion because she didn't want him there, too much drama she had said, stress, worry and the effect it would all have on Leo. Paddy obviously snorted at that defending Aaron and Leo by saying Aaron wouldn't do anything to put Leo to harm and told her the lads loved each other which they did, Leo always smiled and became excited when he saw Aaron and Aaron had always, when he did look after him did so amazingly.

"Despite knowing how I feel about it?" Rhona asked with a raised eyebrow as she folded her arms.

Paddy nodded, he didn't need her right now, his long hospital visits and caring for his son had drained him and so it would appear caused his temper to be on a very short leash. "You're such a bitch sometimes" he told her with a shake of his head as he rubbed his tired eyes.

"Excuse me?" Rhona asked, she was outraged, Paddy rarely swore.

"You heard me Rhona, Aaron's a son to me and he's staying here this was his home long before it was yours, you seem to forget that! And you could be a bit more compassionate considering you know what he's been through this last month or so"

"Oh how could I forget? All about Aaron these days, it always is when he's around"

Paddy frowned with narrowed, sharp eyes, he was angry. "When he's around?" he bit back sharply. "This house and this village is his home! Don't you dare! Just don't" he warned her as he walked off to the stairs to check he was alright.

After receiving a "Come in" from Aaron, Paddy opened his door and walked in seeing him sat on the edge of his bed. He walked over and lowered himself down beside him.

"Do you want me to go Paddy?" Aaron asked quietly which quite frankly broke Paddy's heart; he'd obviously heard Rhona and even the thought of her at that moment made him feel sick she'd crossed a line.

"Hey no" Paddy said as he pulled him in so his head was resting against his chest. "Like you probably heard" he sighed. "This is your home and it always will be, that decision is not up to Rhona"

"I don't want you two fighting because of me or worse"

Paddy sighed which made Aaron sit up and look at him. Sensing Aaron wanting him to talk, he did. "I don't think it would matter if we did anyway mate, things are a bit strained lately"

"Well I'm adding to i-"

"Stop it Aaron, she's just going to have to live with it, you're staying with me" he smiled and reached out and cupped Aaron's cheek in his hand. "You are going to be alright mate I promise you that"

Aaron averted his eyes and shook off Paddy's hand. "Don't say that" he told him quietly.

Paddy rolled his eyes in response. "Don't give up" but Aaron's reply was less than enthusiastic. "H-Have you thought more about counselling?"

"Yeah" he nodded and Paddy smiled, hopeful. "I'm not doing it, not again"

"I think it would help"

Aaron frowned. "How's that? Bring up everything again?"

"Well I know you better than anyone and I know for a fact the counsellor wouldn't need to bring up everything because it's all there right now in your head waiting to explode"

"Then I'll let it, when it's ready. You might not agree with my decision but I don't wanna talk to a walking PHD alright?"

"Alright, it's your decision; I'm not going to push you"

Aaron nodded gratefully. "Cheers" he grunted.

…

Much to Paddy's argument against Aaron going out he didn't really have a say in the matter because Aaron had left mid argument and walked down the village with his hands stuffed into his pockets and his hood up over his hanging head. He just wanted to get out for a bit but to be alone; his legs took him to the pavilion. He'd been sat on the steps there for two hours when Adam turned up, he'd just been sat in a daze he couldn't really remember what he was thinking about and was unaware of how much time had passed when a shadow blocked the light in front of him, bringing him out of his daze. "Thought you'd be here, Paddy and everyone else think your missing" Adam told him with a worried look on his face.

"Well they obviously didn't try looking did they?"

"No but they've called you"

Aaron frowned. "I never heard it"

"Ah it's alright" Adam smiled as he walked up and sat beside him. "You're safe and I'm here now so I can look after ya" he grinned.

"Don't feel obligated Adam, you don't have to do anything" Aaron's tone was miserable and quiet, he didn't realise he was being like that but everyone understood and didn't take it to heart. He was suffering with a jigsaw of a mess that needed time taking in an attempt to fit the pieces back together and then only he would understand the images and thoughts before him.

"I don't feel obligated, I want too"

"Alright" Aaron answered and the following five minutes passed in silence.

"How are the injuries mate? Paddy said the doctor said you were coming along alright"

Aaron side glanced at Adam. "Suppose"

"Talk to me Aaron" Adam almost pleaded.

"There's nothing I really want to say" he told him with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Well I'm here when you do, anyway how about we go back to yours? Could have a game on the x-box?" he asked as he leaned into Aaron with a cheeky smile. "Just like the old days?"

Aaron chuckled and nodded. "Alright" he said then got to his feet, as did Adam. Adam realised that he wasn't going to ask him anything about what had happened, or how he felt because there was only one set of terms to all of this and those were Aaron's, it all really was on his terms and however long it all took for him to speak they would all still be there for him.

When they had walked past the cemetery on their way back to Smithy Aaron had stopped and looked at the open gates, Adam hadn't realised he had stopped until he was a few metres ahead. He turned and watched Aaron just staring. "Do you want to go in mate?"

Aaron frowned and pulled his eyes away from the entrance. "No" he bluntly replied and shoved his hands into his pockets and continued walking.

That answer worried Adam, it may have been a good opportunity for Aaron to talk, even if it was only to a headstone with Jackson's name engraved in it. That was his realistic thought on it, obviously the other part of his mind prevailed because talking at a graveside was so much more and Adam knew that, especially as Jackson was Aaron's first love.

…

Chas sauntered through into the bar ready for her shift; she frowned though when the sight of Cameron sat at the bar with his head hanging over his glass of whisky. He was clearly drunk. She sighed and leaned into Marlon who was working at the till. "How longs he been there?" she asked quietly.

Marlon looked up quickly "Who? Oh…oh erm a few hours he's not causing any trouble, I've been keeping an eye on him"

"Of course he's not going to cause any trouble he's grieving" Chas told him as she rubbed her forehead. "I'll take over you go and get that kitchen sorted" she smiled then stepped over to Cameron. "Hey" she started softly and Cameron looked up, his eyes glazed over because of the effects of the alcohol. "This isn't the answer Cameron" she continued carefully.

Cameron shrugged and picked up the glass.

"And it certainly won't make the pain go away"

Cameron simply stared at her and downed the last of its contents and got down off the stool and staggered to the door and out of the pub.

…

The few hours' distraction had been nice but it still didn't take away how he felt, or the pain he felt. Aaron sighed and out of the blue he stood up. Adam paused the game "What eh? Where you going?" he asked, startled by Aaron's abrupt exit.

Aaron shrugged and walked through to the kitchen where Rhona was sat with Leo and he ignored them both, well that's how it seemed to Rhona at least but Aaron wasn't seeing, he wasn't seeing them as he walked through to the stairs. Entering his bedroom he let out a deep breath as he closed the door behind him then he walked to his bed and lay down and turned on his side with his back towards the door.

Adam frowned and walked into the kitchen completely baffled. "I-I don't get it…he was alright then just got up and walked away"

Rhona sighed. "Just completely blanked us"

"Yeah about that, I wouldn't take that to heart"

Rhona rolled her eyes. "Course not, just gotta sit back and let him do what the hell he likes"

Adam frowned, he knew Rhona could speak her mind and was entitled but a little compassion wouldn't have gone a miss. "Anyway I uh I better go, I'll call back tomorrow" he told her and swiftly left.

Upon returning home Paddy was told where Aaron was and that he hadn't been out of his room for hours, he was about to go up and see him but a knock on the door stopped him and he opened it to see Flynn standing on his doorstep. "Hi mate" he smiled. Flynn nodded in greeting. "Is he in?"

"Uh yeah he's in his room" Paddy replied.

"Would you mind if I go up?"

"No course not just tread carefully, I've been out all day but from what I've heard there's no change"

Flynn nodded. "I will do" he said as he stepped in and walked up the stairs. Stopping at Aaron's door he let out a deep breath and knocked. "Yeah" came a quiet reply from the other side of the door. He opened the door and walked in seeing Aaron lying on the bed with his back facing him. His heart sank at the sight; there was nothing he could do for the man he loved. After closing the door behind him he walked over and around the bed so Aaron could see him but that didn't seem to be the case, Aaron was just lying staring ahead with no hint of anything in his eyes. "Aaron" Flynn spoke softly as he slowly lowered himself down onto the edge of the bed. "Look mate, I know what you said to me at the hospital and yeah it hurt, I can't deny that but this isn't about me and I just came by so you know that I'm here for you every step of the way whether you continue to blame me and push me away, I'm not going anywhere" Flynn sighed. "Please just talk to me Aaron" he pleaded.

"I didn't mean any of what I said to you, it was cruel and nasty, forgive me?" he asked as he finally looked up at him.

A small smile crept onto Flynn's lips and he nodded. "Course you're forgiven ya idiot, I forgave you after five minutes" he told him with a chuckle then he watched as Aaron shuddered. "You cold?"

Aaron nodded "A bit" he replied quietly and Flynn looked around and pulled over one of Aaron's hoody's that was lying behind him on the bed and he rested it over him. Aaron smiled gratefully. "Thanks"

"No problem" Flynn replied with his charming cheeky smile. "Do you want to talk to me?"

"I do" Aaron nodded. "But about Jason and what happened, then no I don't"

"Alright" Flynn replied with a nod. "And that's fine" he told him, although aware that at some point he would have too. "What do you wanna do?"

Aaron pulled himself up into a sitting position but winced at the same time which caused Flynn to worry. "You alright?"

"Yeah" Aaron smiled. "Just a bit sore still, the doctor told me I would be for a bit, a twisted knife in my side no matter how small can certainly do some damage apparently, and well, I'm feeling it now" he told him as he clutched his side.

"You got pain killers, or?"

"Yeah, not due any yet though, not that I could have any if I wanted too" he answered with a sigh as he rubbed his face. "Paddy's got them safely locked away" he scoffed and shook his head. "And you know I'm sure I left a razor behind here…" he shrugged with a raise of his eyebrows. "It's not here now"

"Well you can't really expect anything else Aaron, n-not after…you know"

Aaron looked down and nodded. He'd thought about it, the self-harm and he couldn't simply forget the moment he had that dark thought, it was after he was told of Jason's death he wasn't about to air that though. "You know what I erm, I'm pretty tired…"

"Yeah course" Flynn replied quickly as he got up off the bed. "I'll text you yeah?"

"If you like" Aaron replied with a nod as he sank back down the bed and lay down.

Flynn watched him for a second or two before walking out and leaving him to it.

Flynn rushing down the stairs had caught Paddy's attention and he rushed to the bottom of the stairs to greet him. "How is he?"

Flynn shrugged. "I-I…I don't know Paddy, he's talking but not about the things he needs to the most, it kills me to see him like that"

Paddy nodded, he knew how that felt. "Time mate, that's all"

Flynn nodded. "See ya" he replied and opened the door only to meet Chas on her way in; he said hello and went on his way.

"I wasn't sure if I should come or not" Chas admitted as she walked inside.

"Yeah well I can't say I blame ya…" Paddy began as he started off back into the kitchen. "He was horrible to you"

"Yeah well about to say I was going to slap him wasn't the best move I could have made" she replied as she followed him. "How is he?"

Paddy's shake of his head was all the answer she needed. "I'm guessing he hasn't talked?"

"No" Paddy replied. "But I did have an idea earlier…its funny isn't? Ideas come at the stupidest times, I was in the supermarket deciding whether or not to try a different marmalade" he told her with a chuckle.

Chas' smile was wide. "And this idea is?"

"That we call Hazel, she seems to be able to get through to him, she has in the past"

"That's true, I'll go and speak to him and I'll have my decision when I come back down" she told him then made her way up the stairs.

Knocking and walking into her room she was greeted by Aaron standing looking out of his window rushing to put something back in his pocket. With a frown Chas rushed over. "Aaron?"

Aaron swung around quickly to face her. "Oh I-I was just on the phone to Adam" he lied.

"Oh right, anything interesting?"

"No, no just apologising for earlier, we played on the x-box for a bit but I just got up and left, I must have seemed like a right ignorant git"

"I'm sure he understands"

Aaron nodded and sat down on the edge of his bed. "Listen mum, about what I said…"

"No, son it's alright" she spoke softly. "It really is, I should be apologising not you"

Aaron shook his head. "You don't have too, I know I'm frustrating at times"

Chas smirked as she sat down beside him. "You are yes, but overall you're my son and I love you so much and I'm so glad you're safe, I-if you had died I don't know what I would have done. Allowing you to go to France was hard enough but never seeing you again" her voice caught as her emotions got the better of her. "Well that's not acceptable"

Aaron nodded as he hung his head. "Mum" he started quietly.

Chas wiped her eyes. "Yes love?"

"I had a thought earlier and…and well…I think…" he swallowed hard, this wasn't easy to say but he believed it and that belief made him carry on. "I think coming out is the worst thing I have ever done" and naturally that admission from her son had shocked her and left her gobsmacked.

"Excuse me?" she could only muster in a hushed voice as she simply stared at him.

"It's true mum…every boyfriend I've had have either died, being psychotic or both"

"That's not your fault love, you just have a poor choice in men, apart from two" she smiled.

"If you're including Flynn into that exception don't bother, we aren't getting together"

"W-well alright then but thinking coming out was a wrong decision…just think about it for a minute, you experienced love because of Jackson, he loved you unconditionally and you loved him back, he died because he wanted to be free, it was his wish and I'm not going over all of this again because you know everything I have to say when it comes to Jackson"

Aaron nodded. "Doesn't make any difference to how I feel mum, it was the worst thing I've ever done and that's that"

Chas nodded. "That'll change in time" to which Aaron simply shook his head.

After spending almost an hour with him which was spent in a desolate silence she left him to it and walked back downstairs. "Well?" Paddy asked.

Chas gave him the green light with a quick nod of her head. "Call her"

…

His phone call earlier that his mum had nearly walked in on was actually to the prison, he had organised a visit which he hadn't told a soul about, and upon questions from Paddy he simply told him he was going out and to leave him alone. He'd stormed out and ran for the bus.

When he arrived at the prison he was searched, and his belongings checked, pointless really, he only had his cigarettes, lighter, phone and wallet on him, understandably though he had to hand over his lighter which he did with no argument, then he was allowed through to a room where inmates were waiting for their visitors. He saw him over in the far corner and with a deep breath he drummed up the courage to head over, a few seconds later he stood in front of him, they exchanged a look, and his expression was a shocked one.

Aaron sat down while keeping his eyes on Ed.

"I wasn't expecting to see you ever again, what happened to you?" Ed asked.

"I wasn't expecting to see you either" Aaron admitted bluntly with a sigh. "You happened again, well…not you obviously but another man who hurt me…"

"Why are you here?" Ed asked.

"I'm here because I want to know why" he stated loud and clear. "Why did you do it to me?"

TBC…