Weeeh, so I'm really tired and still not feeling well, but I can't go to sleep because people are still busy with their fireworks, so that sucks.

So I thought, I'm going to write!

Okay, so I didn't finish before I went to sleep, but I'm finishing this chapter now!

And I'm actually very happy that Drossel is gone now, because London Bridge is Falling Down was starting to drive me crazy. No offense, Drossel! Still love you!

Oh, and I just noticed that I used a Dutch word in the previous chapter. The Dutch word for 'jump' is 'springen' and I took that word and made it something like 'springing', so that made me laugh when I saw that. I fixed it now, though.

So, filler chapter here (sort of. Actually no, it's pretty important). Enjoy!

Don't own Kuroshitsuji BTW. Do own Clarissa though. So that's something.

XxX

Chapter 26

The next day we had a birthday party. It was innocent and it was fun, but it bothered me more than I thought it would. I never had a birthday party. It was actually the day where my father hated me the most, so I'd come to dislike my birthday very much.

I couldn't sleep that night. Not because I wasn't tired, but because I couldn't sleep. I just… didn't fall asleep. I wasn't sure what it was. Maybe Sebastian poisoned me.

So I decided that it was a good idea to walk through the house in the middle of the night… which is wasn't. The whole house was dark, no lights to be found and when I got scared I realised that I had no idea how to get back to my room.

So I started to sing, something I used to do a lot when I was scared or sad. Now that I think about it… I used to sing a lot in general. But during the accident Drossel kind of ruined singing for me and since then I just… barely sang. But now I opened my mouth again.

The song that was stuck in my head was ironically a song about the devil. How fitting. 'Trembling, crawling across my skin,' I sang as I walked through a corridor that looked like the corridor that let to Ciel's bedroom. Wasn't sure though. 'Feeling your cold dead eyes, stealing the life of mine.' A vague smile crossed my face when I thought about the fact that that was kind of the case with Sebastian and Ciel of the moment. Though Sebastian wasn't stealing Ciel's life. Yet. 'I believe in you, I can show you that I can see right through all your empty lies.' Pfft. Wish I could. Sebastian was still a mystery to me most of the time. 'I won't last long, in this world so wrong.' That sounded like something Ciel would say. Though I doubt that Ciel would ever speak in rhyme. 'Say goodbye, as we dance with the devil tonight.' I started to feel like someone was following me and suddenly, I didn't want to sing anymore. I just stood still in the corridor, trying to hear who was following me.

Probably the stalker-cat, I told myself.

I didn't believe that, though. I believed that I would see the cat's eyes glow in the dark. Feeling the strange desire that I had to finish the song I started to sing again. 'Don't you dare look at him in the eye, as we dance with the devil tonight.'

'Please, I do think that whichever devil you are talking about wouldn't want to dance with someone like you. No offense, but your dancing skills are about the same as the dancing skills of a crocodile.'

Of course it was Sebastian who stood before me. Why was I even surprised. 'I'd rather be a terrible dancer than I terrible human being,' I told him, walked around him as if I wasn't influenced by his presence at all.

He stood for me again, moving faster than I ever could. 'I would think you're accusing me of something, but since I'm not human at all, that clearly wasn't the case.'

'Well, you didn't kill me yesterday, so I suppose that I should be happy,' I said, hating myself because I couldn't just ignore him. 'Why didn't you, anyway?' I knew the answer before he said it, but I hoped that it would be a different answer.

And it was. 'I just reasoned that if you were gone, things would get less interesting around here,' he said, smiling that devilish smile of his. 'And though it's tempting to finally be rid of you, your stupid questions and your weird… how do you call those…. harassments?' I opened my mouth to protest, but he put a finger to my mouth. 'Hush, hush, I'm not done yet. Though I do see the benefits of not having your around, I think my daily life would be less interesting with you gone. So I decided to keep you around.' His eyes narrowed. 'For I bit.'

I shivered, but didn't react.

'And could you maybe tell me what a young lady is doing in the corridors in the middle of the night?' he then asked.

'I couldn't sleep,' I started, 'and then I got lost. End of story.'

'You… couldn't sleep?' he asked, sounding way too curious.

I decided not to answer that question. 'Demons don't sleep, do they?'

He decided not to answer that question as well. 'Humans do sleep, don't they?' But I guessed that that meant that the answer to my question was 'yes'.

'So what do demons do at night?' I asked. 'Sitting in a corner, waiting for the sun to come back?' That didn't sound right. 'Or do you go and hunt at night, like vampires do?' I really should stop comparing Sebastian to a vampire.

'I don't sit in a corner and I do not mind whether the sun is up or down. Why should I? I can see perfectly fine in the dark, just as well as in in the light.' Good to know that darkness would never be an advantage for me. 'And I do not 'hunt', I do think I'm a being that's way too intelligent to do such a barbaric thing as 'hunt',' he said, 'though maybe that's the only human word for choosing your new prey.'

'And,' I said, not really interested because I actually did feel really tired. 'Found anything new yet?'

He looked at me with eyes glowing in the dark. It would have been fascinating if I weren't as tired as I was. 'I believe I did.'

I yawned. 'Well, that's great. I do hope that you and your next master have a lot of fun then,' I said, way to sceptical. He and his next master could just rot in hell for all I cared. Unless this meant that he would leave Ciel alone. I yawned again.

Sebastian frowned. 'You look awfully tired for someone who cannot fall asleep,' he said and he even managed to sound, only a bit, worried.

I laughed. 'I can see right through all your empty lies,' I sang softly, poking Sebastian's cheek and then laughing harder.

He just kept frowning. 'I do believe that there's something not right,' he said and now he just sounded as if he was suspecting me of something. 'Have you had any alcohol?'

I laughed. 'Of course not. It's not like anyone in this mansion offers me any. Or that I would take it. I don't think I trust myself enough to drink or eat anything that could make me lose control over myself.'

It was clear that Sebastian hadn't heard half of what I'd said. 'And what have you eaten today?' He sounded like an investigator.

I frowned. 'I ate… cake. I ate the birthday cake. And maybe some potatoes?' Why couldn't I remember what I'd eaten today?

Then a hand was laying on my forehead. A hand without a glove. Then Sebastian pulled away again and he had his glove back on before I could blink. 'I believe you do have a slight fever, miss Lane,' he said, reaching out his hands to carry me.

That wasn't going to happen, though. I took a step back. 'Ho, ho. What are you doing, mister? You can't touch a girl just because you're gorgeous!' I giggled. 'Where are your manners?'

Sebastian sighed, sounding annoyed. 'Yes, yes,' he said, reaching his hands out anyway. I tried to run away, but that didn't really help. He started to carry me to the opposite direction, clearly bringing me back to my room.

I hit him with my fists again his chest, but his chest felt like it was made of stone and it was obvious that it didn't bother him at all. 'You're not going to rape me, are you?' I asked and I felt like I was drunk, even though I'd just said that I hadn't had any alcohol. Normal me never would've said that.

Sebastian looked at me with a dry look. 'Do I really look that desperate?' he asked. He sighed again. 'I do, don't I?'

'Huh?' I asked as he opened the door to my room without using his hands.

'Always speak with two words, my lady,' he said as he put me down on the bed.

I sat straight up, but stayed in my bed. 'You're not my mother, Sebastian. You can't tell me what to do.'

'I do believe your mother couldn't either.'

I looked at him with a look that would have been angry if I didn't feel like I was throwing up inside. I leaned forward, to where Sebastian was, and grabbed his hands. I was surprised that he let me. 'Do you know about that story with that girl with the red thingy on her head? And her mother said to not stray from the path, but she did, and then a wolf ate her and her grandmother?' I laughed. 'It kind of made me think of you.'

'I do believe Little Red Riding-Hood isn't a fairy tale about demon contracts,' Sebastian said, still not pulling his hands free. 'And I also believe that you need to rest. You don't seem to be in good shape at the moment.'

I frowned, not really listening to what he said. 'No, no. Not the fairy tale. I meant that you're like that. You hide in the shadows of the forest, waiting for someone to stray from the path, waiting for someone to lead you to the place where dinner is served.' I yawned. 'Or something. I don't really know.' I laughed, but frowned again after that. 'Wait… what were we talking about?'

Sebastian looked at me with a strange look, almost as if he was surprised or something.

'What?' I mumbled. 'Why are you looking at me like that?' I asked when he didn't answer, supposedly because I hadn't spoken with two words.

He finally pulled away his hands, put only to put me properly in the bed and under the covers, smiling as I yawned once again. 'You're a strange little girl, aren't you?'

I wasn't sure why he'd said that, but I answered: 'You're a strange little demon, aren't you?' I felt that my eyes wanted to close so badly, but my heart wanted to keep seeing Sebastian, so I kept my eyes open.

I saw how Sebastian leaned forward to press a kiss against my forehead. 'How would you know? You have no other demon to go on,' he said against my forehead, lips soft and warm and kissable.

'Hmm, I know that you're you,' I mumbled, not making sense anymore. 'That's all I ever need to know about you.' I yawned again. 'Though I am curious—'

After all this could all have been a dream. I was sure it was when Sebastian used his lips to interrupt my words, pressing his lips against mine. His lips weren't there for long and I was too tired and too surprised to respond, but if this was real, then it was the realest kiss we'd ever shared.

When he pulled away, I felt tears burning in my eyes and I had to look away from the demon's face. 'I wish you would stop doing that,' I said, now sure I was dreaming, because my voice sounded far away.

'Hmm?' Sebastian said.

I was tempted to tell him that 'hmm' wasn't two words, but there seemed to be more important things to say at the moment. 'I wish you would stop messing with my feelings. You only make me…' I yawned again and drifted away to a place that demons could never reach. '…love you more,' was the last thing I said before fading away.

XxX

The next morning I couldn't remember much. Only that I had walked into Sebastian when I was walking through the corridor. A thing that I did realise that morning was that I was sick. Like… really sick.

Lucky enough for me Mei-Rin came to check on me, because otherwise Ciel would probably never find out. I doubt he would care. But I was used to being sick and alone at the same time, so when Mei-Rin asked if she could do anything for me, I kindly refused.

I had a headache and my stomach was telling me to puke out everything I'd eaten. And my back hurt. It hurt so much that it felt like someone had stabbed me over and over again. The only thing that didn't hurt was my throat. I felt like that was the only thing still working.

But I wasn't going to lay in bed all day. I got up, showered and got dressed, whether I was sick or not. I wasn't going to eat anything, though. My stomach wasn't feeling up to that right now. I walked to Ciel's office, convinced that he was there. Which he, of course, was. And I wasn't surprised to find Sebastian there as well. Ciel was once again busy on his computer and Sebastian was once again looking through papers.

Both men looked up at me frowning when I entered the room.

'Are you not feeling well?' Ciel asked as he returned to working on his computer.

'Hmm,' was the only answer he got from as I let myself fall on the couch, moaning as my stomach protested. 'Argh, kill me now!' I whined.

'I do not think saying such a thing in the presence of a demon is smart, Clarissa,' Ciel said, surprisingly talkative today.

'And I do believe that I don't give a damn,' was my response. I got my phone out of my pocket and looked if I had any new message. I didn't. Or course I didn't.

I went to lay on the couch in a position that allowed me to look at Ciel and Sebastian. 'So, what are you guys up to today?'

'I'm looking through the new designs for the candy wrappings and Sebastian is reading through a few contracts,' Ciel said. Okay, now I was sure that he was way too talkative.

'You're surprisingly kind to me today,' I said, pulling up an eyebrow. 'Are we officially buddies now?'

Ciel pulled a disgusted face. 'I'm not buddies with anyone,' he said, as if the word alone disgusted him.

I rolled my eyes, ignoring my head as it ached because it didn't like that. 'Geez, wonder why that is,' I said cynical, making Ciel frown.

'I don't face friends because I don't want them. Not because I'm unable to make friends,' Ciel said.

I made a waving movement with my hand. 'Whatever you want, Earl Phantomhive.' I yawned. 'By the way, if any of you—'

Suddenly Sebastian stood before me, grabbing my wrists, which was still In mid-air because the gesture I made. He looked at me frowning. 'May I ask why your eyes have been purple for nearly three days now?' he asked, now seriously sounding bothered.

I pulled my hand free. 'Don't know. Eye colour can change, right?' I sighed. 'Maybe it has something to do with my illness. I mean, I am sick once again.'

'The colour of your eyes isn't supposed to change when you're seventeen,' Sebastian said, 'and it's not a really natural colour, either.'

'Sebastian?' Ciel asked, sounding bothered now, too. 'What do you think it means?'

The demon butler shook his head. 'My initial theory was thrown out of the window two days ago. And seeing her sick only makes my theory less likely.'

Ciel frowned. 'And what was your theory?'

It took a while before Sebastian answered. 'I thought she was a fallen angel, who pretended to be a teenage girl so she could free you from the claws of a demon,' his grip on my wrist tightened. 'So I messed with her a bit, trying to drawn her out. But a fallen angel cannot purify on the level that she did two days ago and no angel, fallen or not fallen, could offer their soul to me. Their souls are part of their bodies, something a demon could never touch.' He frowned. 'That and angels can't get sick.'

I wasn't listening anymore. I had frozen completely. So I messed with her a bit. I had known it. I had prepared myself for it. I knew that Sebastian couldn't care less about me. But I still had believed that he did, somewhere deep in my heart I had believed that he wasn't that bad at all. My mistake. I knew all too well that Sebastian's demon nature didn't care for anything but himself.

But I still loved him.

And it hurt like hell.

Ciel sighed the moment I started to cry. I was happy that my tears were silent, happy that Sebastian wasn't looking at me. 'I guess we cannot look into it because of the Queen's orders. Dammit!... Wait, are you crying?' He looked at me as if I had changed into a goat or something. As if he couldn't believe what he saw.

I wiped my tears away. 'Sorry… I'm sorry. I'm just very sick and I just… I'm sorry.' I wasn't sure why I kept apologizing.

Ciel seemed to think the same thing. 'Why are you apologizing? It's not your fault you got sick, right?' He sighed. 'And I suppose I still own you a 'thank you'.'

That confused and distracted me enough. It helped that Sebastian had returned to the desk as well, but it was mostly the thing that Ciel said that made me forget about my tears. 'Why would you own me that?'

He cleared his throat. 'I do believe you've saved me from the dolls. And you've saved Elizabeth.' A small, earnest smile appeared on his face. 'I'm thankful for that.'

I swear my mouth fell open, that was how surprised I was. He was… almost cute. No, he was too old to be 'cute'. I suppose handsome was the right word. I swallowed. 'It was nothing,' I said, not sure about what to say. 'And I didn't really save you from the dolls or anything.'

'You did, though,' Sebastian said. 'You sang the song to stop them from attacking. I didn't do anything. That was you.'

It was? 'Aha, I suppose it was,' I said, trying to hide how utterly surprised I was.

A small smile appeared on Sebastian's face. 'Young master, I'll have to go and prepare lunch now,' he told Ciel, who nodded. Then he turned to me. 'Is there something I could bring you, my Lady?' he asked and the tone in his voice sounded really suspicious.

I shook my head. At the moment I didn't want anything from him. I couldn't even pen my mouth to say anything. I was pretty sure the tone in my voice would've given me away.

When Sebastian had left the room, I sighed. 'I can't believe you can handle that guy 24/7,' I told Ciel, but then I frowned. 'No, I suppose I do. He's the only thing you have, after all.'

That upset Ciel enough to look up from his computer screen. 'Excuse me?'

I smiled. 'Well, I do get it, you know. Your parents were murdered. Your aunt betrayed you. Elizabeth doesn't understand you, is clearly trying to get the old Ciel back. A Ciel who, apparently, wasn't emo. You cannot trust your house staff, I mean, who would blame you after what you had to go through. Sebastian is the only one you can trust, because you know well that he only sticks around for your soul. He won't betray you and will stay by your side 'till the end.' I got tears in my eyes, but I tried to hide them. 'I get it, I do. Because I literally have no one left. And you know what? It freaking sucks.' I wasn't going to count Ash as someone I had left. I didn't know the guy and I didn't trust him at all.

When Ciel didn't say anything, I opened my mouth again. 'But you forget that the darkness is not a blanket. You can't hold all your hatred, your pain, so close to your heart. Because it will draw you in one day and Sebastian wouldn't be able to stop it. Because he isn't giving you any form of kindness of love. He's giving you his service because of his own selfish demands. It cannot comfort, Ciel, the darkness. Darkness doesn't keep you save. It slowly breaks you down until you've completely forgotten who you are.'

It was silent in the room for quite some time. I started to think that Ciel was going to ignore me, but then he spoke: 'Is that why you always act like nothing's wrong? Like there's always hope and light?'

I laughed. 'I hadn't noticed that I act like that. I just push all the darkness in my heart and mind away with all the strength I have. Because that bit of light inside me is my strength. Your darkness, your hate, your desire to bring down the ones who humiliate you, is your strength and that's fine. As long as it doesn't control you.'

It took Ciel another while to react to that. His reaction was beyond anything I'd ever expected. 'Sometimes I believe it already does.'

XxX

Chapter twenty-six has ended! Now that I think about it, I've never told you guys, but I actually like Ciel better than I like Sebastian, surprisingly enough. But I think that's because I just want to hug the kid and make everything better. And the fact that Sebastian really does creep me out sometimes.

Anyway, happy new year, everyone! :3

D8nise: Ha ha, happy new year! :)

Shadow demon Kitsune: Thank you! And happy new year to you as well!

promocat: hmm… good question. I certainly think that Sebastian's way of loving someone is different from how 'humans' love someone. And I also think that it will take a bit more time for Sebas-chan to even consider the fact that he might be in love with her. Or even just consider that he - maybe - likes her.