Chp XXIV: When in Doubt, Kidnapping is the way to go!
Disclaimer: RWBY is not mine, else the updating schedule would be screwed.
"I'M BAAAA-*dodges a tomato* AAAACK!" - ARC
"Remember," said Dragon. "Act normal, stay human colored, and please for the love of Oum, don't flirt."
She marched down Beacon's halls, future-Illia trailing behind her.
"Don't worry," Ilia drawled. She kept on checking out Beacon's decorations. "I'm a well-behaved person...mostly."
"At least you're self-aware."
"So...we're in the past and you guys broke the first rule of time-travel, from what I got, a few minutes after you arrived."
"To be fair, we were trying to figure out what was going on."
"Eh, rules are boring anyways," Ilia noted. "And it sounds like it would really suck to be hiding everything all the time...I would know."
"Heh. I can agree with you on that."
Dragon stopped at the elevator and hit in a number. "You should get a code name. Makes things a lot easier."
Ilia grinned and wiggled an eyebrow. "I like that idea. What about...lady killer?"
"No. First, that's two words and second, that's stupid." Dragon crossed her arms.
"I'll figure it out."
The elevator rang and the doors opened. They were met with blasting rock music.
'Dare! Dare to believe you can survive! You hold the future in your hand! Dare-'
"...what the hell?" asked Ilia.
'It's time to take a stand! And you can win, if you dare-"
"...I think Red and Belladonna warned me about this."
"Let me fix the problem." Ilia said. She pulled out her sword, extended it, and blasted the speakers attached to the top of the elevator.
Alarms immediately started blaring.
"Good job," said Dragon drily.
"If I was good at my jobs, I would be in jail right now," Illia muttered. She regretted barfing her heart out to Blake-or Belladonna now-when she was fifteen, but she sure as hell did not regret leaving the White Fang and not meeting the fate of many of the members there. "I thought Hohenheim shut down all the alarms, he's the one bad at his job."
"You're both bad at your jobs!"
They watched as huntsmen-in-training poured out of their classrooms and looked around confused when they found nothing blowing up and nobody destroying things (for once).
Glynda Goodwitch marched through the crowd. One of her eyes twitched when she found Dragon and Ilia. "You."
"Not me." Ilia whistled.
Glynda turned to Dragon. "You."
Dragon coughed.
"Who broke my speakers?!" Ozpin charged down the path Glynda had left in her wake. He looked utterly devastated.
"With all due respect sir," said Ilia. "I think I did everyone here a favor."
"Agreed," Glynda had to mutter.
"What?" asked Ozpin.
"Ahem. Nothing."
Ozpin turned to Ilia. "And who are you who dares to break my speakers?"
"Uh…" Ilia frowned. She glanced at Dragon and smirked. "La-"
"Iris," said Dragon. "Iris."
"Ahem. Not what I was going to say, but it works...I guess," decided Iris with a pout.
Ozpin raised an eyebrow.
"Oh no…" muttered Glynda. She scanned Iris. "Which one are you?"
Ozpin looked at Iris. "Oh dear...though I must wonder, does every single time-traveler must have a screw loose to qualify?"
"I'm not going to answer that," said Dragon. She clapped her hands together. "Okay then. To the office!"
"WHAT?!" screamed Glynda in all too unrelatable rage and indignation. She slammed her hands on Ozpin's table. Ozpin frowned when his desk shook under him.
"Woah…" muttered Iris, turning blue.
"We thought it was a good idea," said Dragon...made unconvincing by her tilt of head and wondering eyes.
"You thought kidnapping huntsmen-in-training and going off on an impromptu trip to the other kingdoms to get the maidens and relics was a good idea." Ozpin frowned. "I refuse."
"Uh…"
Outside the window, four airships zoomed off.
"Ohhhh," said Iris. "Too late!"
"Don't sound so happy…" muttered Dragon. "You're giving us a bad image."
"Pfft. I always gave everyone a bad image!"
"You shouldn't be proud of that!"
Glynda took in and let out a few deep breaths. "Beacon is supposed to be a safe-haven for huntsmen-in-training, not a place where they are kidnapped by their future self."
"Well…" Iris shrugged. "I heard Bl-I mean, Belladonna got stabbed, Dragon lost an arm, Hohenheim's girlfriend died, Red got knocked into a coma, and uh...what happened to Moon again?"
"She got kidnapped by her dad," Dragon remembered.
"I hate her dad."
"Most people do."
"-all in Beacon," Iris finished with a winning smile.
Glynda glowered at her.
"That hasn't happened yet," defended Ozpin weakly.
"Don't worry!" Dragon said. "They'll be perfectly safe-"
"Probably a lot safer than they are at Beacon," added Iris.
"-with us time-travelers."
"Considering your earlier track record," deadpanned Glynda. "I find that highly unlikely."
"Nobody has gotten hurt yet!"
"Besides," said Iris, getting bored (she was notorious for having a short attention span). "It's not like you can do anything now, they already left."
"Well then," said Ozpin, leaning back in his chair. "It looks like we'll need more substitute teachers…"
"I don't even want to know how they were kidnapped," muttered Glynda.
A Few Minutes Ago…
"Operation: Kidnap Ourselves is a go!" declared Red. She made her airship circle Beacon.
"Oh Oum, I hate that name," muttered Hohenheim through the mic. "Why did I agree to that name?"
"Too late," said Moon coolly through her own mic. "If it's any consolation, at least you haven't had to dealt with these names for years on end now."
"My operation names are efficient," Red corrected. "They get to the point."
"Let's just get this over with," Belladonna's voice came out as unenergetic as humanly possible.
"That's a good idea," decided Red. "Ilia, Dragon, on point?"
"Yup, at the front of Beacon and ready to ruin Glynda's day," said Dragon cheerily.
"...who was Glynda again?" asked Ilia.
"It's so hard to remember that you never went to Beacon," noted Moon.
"Must have something to do with the world ending at the time," Ilia said with disturbing cheer. "Y'know, those were some of the best days of my life."
"What? I had a crappy childhood!"
"Your opinion is noted," said Hohenheim. "I've disabled all alarms connected to the mainframe. Time to get going."
Red lowered her airship. She pulled the lever for an emergency evacuation, shooting out of the cockpit. Red crashed through the auditorium dome and touched down on the stage, effectively slamming her feet into the substitute professor and knocking him onto the ground.
"Hello students, miss me?"
...and was met with the horrified faces of the first-years.
"She just killed our professor!" someone whispered very badly. "With her feet."
Red frowned and nudged the professor. "Nope. Still alive." She looked up. "Ruby, I'm kidnapping you. Let's go."
"Yay!" Ruby quickly appeared at Red's side.
"That isn't something to be happy about you dol-mmph!"
Moon stuffed what looked suspiciously like stuffing (the pillow kind) down Weiss's throat. "That's how you do a kidnapping, dolt."
"Oh now we're going back to old nicknames, princess?"
Belladonna sighed at the complete incompetence of her teammates and quickly abducted Blake (the tried and true 'knock 'em out and drag them' method) before flashing off...like a ninja (she would like to remind everyone she was not, in fact, a ninja. Don't call her that, she hated it).
Yang frowned. "Am I getting kidnapped?"
"Nope," said Red cheerfully.
"Aw…"
"There is something seriously wrong with them," said Sky of Team CDNL. He quickly edged away from Yang, whom he had quite the displeasure of standing next to.
Hohenheim, being the most efficient member of the dimension-travelers by a long shot, simply flew over the Red-sized hole and used an oversized claw machine to try to grab Jaune...though one would think that was quite difficult considering that claw machines are notorious for being completely rigged.
"Dammit! Grab the blonde one, you stupid thing!" hissed Hohenheim in annoyance as his claw picked up a random brown-haired cannon fodder student. He slammed his fist down on the red button, releasing the generic cannon fodder.
Jaune blinked at his future-self's words. "Is Hohenheim...trying to kidnap me?"
The claw-machine grabbed Nora off the ground. "Weeeeeee! I'm being kidnapped!"
Ren facepalmed. (Reader Discretion: This is not the proper way to respond to a kidnapping situation...or any dangerous situation for that matter).
Nora was dropped to the ground.
"Are you okay?" asked Pyrrha, kneeling next to her.
"Nooooooooo! I'm not getting kidnapped!"
"You're okay," decided Pyrrha with a sigh.
"Augh!" That would be the sound of Jaune crying out from being pulled up by the metal claw.
Hohenheim smirked. "Finally."
Pyrrha frantically looked between her hapless boyfriend and the future version of her hapless boyfriend's giant claw machine. She pushed off the ground, grabbing the arm of the claw and hung on.
Ren facepalmed. He winced at the growing red mark on his forehead, courtesy of his many facepalms.
By this time, some of the students had finally brightened up to the kidnapping situation and ran out of the auditorium to inform the headmaster. Then the alarms began ringing.
Red appeared on her airship in a flash of red roses, pulling Ruby with her.
"It's been a while since you messed up, Hohenheim! Makes me kind of nostalgic!" she yelled over the wind. Her cloak fluttered all over her face. Red grabbed it.
"Y'know I wouldn't give this cloak up for the world…" She looked over at Ruby. "...but I can't tell you how many times I've almost died because of it. Actually, I'm pretty sure the world did almost end thanks to it one time."
Her response was the horrified face of Ruby.
"The alarms didn't go off because of a mistake!" said Hohenheim, checking his systems as Jaune and Pyrrha dropped onto his airship. He turned and frowned. "One of you aren't supposed to be here."
"Then what's the problem?" asked Moon, jumping onto her own aircraft. She ungagged Weiss, who launched into a coughing fit and what sounded suspiciously like noblemen curses.
"...it seems Dragon and Ilia have failed to quietly ruin Glynda's day," said Hohenheim, returning back to his systems. "In fact, they've destroyed the...elevator speakers?"
"Thank Oum!" exclaimed Red.
Belladonna's ears twitched. She had expected that outcome but it didn't mean she was happy with it. For a chameleon, Ilia was horrible at keeping a low profile, which made no sense because she used to be amazing at it. Belladonna supposed some people's skills just deteriorated over time.
Blake frowned, trying to piece two and two together.
"Then there's no reason for us to stay," said Belladonna, taking initiative. She slid into the pilot's seat. "Let's get going."
Red grinned. "You heard the faunus."
She flashed to the controls.
"Where are we going?" asked Ruby, walking up behind her.
Red absentmindedly flipped a few levers. "We're going to Vacuo. On the way, we'll stop somewhere and get some new clothes so we don't die from the heat. You know Sun?"
"Blake's boyfriend?"
Red twirled her head in Ruby's direction. "They're already dating?"
That was when Ruby happened to remember that her older self was dating her sister's partner's older self. "Well-I mean-not officially."
"Right-okay, that makes a lot more sense." Blake wasn't one to suddenly be dating anyone...or at least it took years for Red to make it official. She'd be pretty miffed if Sun had it easy and took a few months...then again, he probably deserved it...hm.
She slammed down on the pedal and they jerked up into the sky.
"You can't just kidnap me!" yelled Weiss indigitantly. She stomped around the aircraft, hands on her head. "This isn't even legal!"
Moon hummed. "I'm certain there's no rules for kidnapping yourself and trust me, I memorized the Atlas Rules Regulations...a truly horrid experience by the way. I know you're thinking about it, don't do it."
Weiss stopped and blinked. "Huh. I was thinking about it. Wait-you're distracting me."
Moon coughed. "Did you know there's a law against wearing dust proof armor while committing a crime in Atlas?"
"...that's stupid. Why would someone commiting a crime worry about...committing another crime?"
"Exactly. I'm honestly intrigued by how that passed the Congress." Moon hummed. "Though perhaps they were just idiotic enough to let it pass. I wouldn't hold it against them, they did make us fugitives…"
Weiss blinked. "...what?" She shook her head. "Again with the distractions!"
"I am bringing you to get better at being a huntsman, at least be a little happy."
"Without my team?"
"Oh, so that's what it's about." Moon hid a smile.
There was a sudden bang on the door. Moon frowned. "Would you get that? If it's a Grimm, feel free to scrape it off...or with a human as well, I suppose."
"Ugh!" Weiss walked over and slid open the door with way more force than necessary.
"Woah!" Yang nearly fell off the edge of the airship. Weiss quickly grabbed her hand and pulled her in.
"What are you doing here?" asked Weiss incredulously, hiding her elation at not being alone with a crazy kidnapper who happened to be a possible future of herself (and she wasn't going to admit to herself that she was also happy it was Yang).
Yang put her hand on Weiss's shoulder to support herself. "Kinda...was aiming for...Ruby's ship, but hey...this works too...I guess," she breathed.
Weiss fought down a surge of disappointment.
Moon raised an eyebrow. "Hm...Dragon's going to be disappointed." But at leas she was going to be very entertained.
Hohenheim scratched his head. "This actually works in my favor if I think about it…"
He looked at Jaune and Pyrrha from the corner of his eyes and grinned. "I love a good kidnapping situation."
Jaune frowned. "Huh?"
"I mean...I love a good rapping dalmation."
"...what?"
"There's a future Ilia?" asked Blake.
"I'd hope so," Belladonna remarked blithely.
"T-that's not what I meant. Future Ilia is here?"
"I know that's what you meant-"
"Then why-"
"For fun. Yes, future Ilia is here thanks to a mishap. We were trying to get Nora, Ren, or Penny but...well, that obviously didn't work out."
"...talking to you is exhausting."
"I wouldn't think so, considering I know everything you're going to say. Maybe we should've interacted more."
"...and you took the words right out of my mouth."
With Iris and Dragon
Iris beamed. "You guys better get to fixing that auditorium of yours."
A tick mark appeared on Glynda's forehead. "If you must kidnap students, could you not attend to it without causing collateral damage as well?"
"No-"
Dragon grabbed Iris by the arm. "Okay, we're done here." To Iris, she whispered. "Please try not to make any mortal enemies on the same side."
"That was only...three or four times? And Ironwood is an ass."
"...he did give me my arm."
"Pffft. One nice thing does not equal one nice person."
Ozpin couldn't help but whistle at that. Glynda gave Dragon and Iris a glare.
"Okay, okay. We're leaving now."
"But if you need me for anything at all, GlyndaIris singsonged.
"No." Dragon forcibly dragged Iris out of the office, leaving a fuming Glynda.
"Impressive," said Ozpin, taking a sip of coffee.
Dragon blinked. "Where's Yang?"
"Next to me," said Iris, looking around the RWBY dorm.
"What-hahahaa...dammit, Iris."
Iris pouted. "I really wanted to meet 'young and innocent' Yang."
"Where did you hear that from?!"
"Hm...Belladonna?"
"BELLADONNA!"
"Well, she's obviously not here. Where else would Yang go?"
"I dunno."
"...um…"
"Do you know where Ilia would go?"
"Fair point. I'll call!"
"No."
"Too late." Iris held Dragon's scroll up to her ear.
"How-Iris!" Dragon rushed to grab Iris's scroll. Iris easily dodged and backed away.
"Hello? Is this Yang?" asked Iris, dodging Dragon again.
"Who are you?"
"Wow, Dragon, what happened to your voice?"
"Puberty." Dragon decided she didn't care anymore and roundhoused kicked at Iris. Iris skidded to the floor.
"Eh. Makes sense."
"What?"
"Hello Yang. I'm Iris, nice to meet you!"
"Okay? I'm very confused right now. No, Weiss, it isn't Dragon. It's this lady named Iris? Did I get that right?"
"You can also call me lady killer."
"Okay, let's ignore that," decided Iris. She jumped up just in time to avoid Dragon's foot. "Where are you?"
"Why?"
"Because Dragon and I need to find you...duh. Oh, and it's not a kidnapping, I promise. That's Nora's thing."
"Hohenheim doesn't do too much to discourage it too...hm…" Iris turned to Dragon, blocking a grab at her (really Dragon's) scroll. "Is it just me or does JNPR take a lot of missions with kidnapping in them?"
Dragon frowned. "They kidnapped a corrupt minister once, right? I remember because they came and stuffed him in Moon's closet."
"And you let them?"
"If the officials found himin our house, we would be in trouble too."
"Makes sense."
"Took weeks to get rid of the smell though."
Iris winced. "Yeah, that sort of thing happens."
"What. You people are disturbed. Wait-Moon wants the scroll."
Iris frowned. "You're with Moon-oh crap."
"Ilia. Why are you on my fiance's scroll?"
"...you're engaged now? Congratulations! When's the wedding?"
"Unlike some people, we take things slow."
"I'm going to ignore that jab."
"You do you. Yang somehow managed to attach herself to the airship, tell Dragon she's going with me on this one."
"That sucks. I was hoping for Yang at least if I wasn't going to get to embarrass the life out of Blake." Iris sighed in disappointment.
"Find someone else to annoy, you monster. Or maybe you can go annoy yourself."
"Huh, that's actually a great idea! I wonder why it didn't pass my mind."
"I already feel bad for her. Moon, signing out."
Iris threw Dragon her scroll.
"So? Where is mini-me?"
"She hitched a ride with Moon."
...dammit, that sucks. What do I do now?! I had plans!"
"Really?" Iris raised an eyebrow. Plans didn't seem like Dragon's thing.
"Okay no, but I had ideas. I was going to take her on another field trip!"
"That's out the window...hey, wanna kidnap the rest of JNPR instead? We'll throw in my team as a bonus too."
Dragon frowned. "Hm...that means I'll have to deal with you until third marking period rolls around."
"Yup."
"Fuck it, let's go on a road trip."
"...where's Pyrrha?" asked Dragon. She stood at Team JNPR's doorway, in front of Ren-in-a-robe and Nora-balancing-books-on-her-nose (don't ask).
"She went with Jaune."
"Of course she did. Of course she did." Who else istotally not surprised?"
Ren (though reluctantly) and Nora (who probably didn't know what 'reluctant' meant) raised their hands.
Iris thought the best way to invite herself into Team NVIM's dorm was to crash through the window...obviously.
She did not expect to be smashed against the wall by a burst of wind.
"...someone forgot to tell me something...again. 'Oh by the way, Ilia! We're actually facing the Grimm Overlord herself, Salem, did we forget to mention that?'" Iris said sarcastically, turning purple in the process.
'Who the hell is this?'
Iris pushed herself off the floor and came face to face with Neo in one fluid motion. She raised an eyebrow. "Wow. You're almost identical ten-ish years from now."
Neo twitched. 'Not another one.'
Iris patted her head.
Neo swatted Iris's hand away.
"Hm...back to stage 1, I see." Iris shook her hand and clenched it.. "Or stage 1.5 since my hand is still attached to my arm. Kinda hard to measure with you."
Marron got out from his hiding spot under the bed. "Fight's over? Who's the purple lady?"
Iris frowned. "Oops. Forgot about the purple coloring." She turned back to peach.
Vernal stopped electrocuting throughout her body. Her hair poof out, strangely reminiscent of that of a fluffy sheep. Vernal scowled and rearranged her hair back to normal. By now, it had grown to her shoulders, a side effect of staying at Beacon and not having to worry about being killed by anything hair related. No, she had much more immediate concerns than that, including but not limited to Neo, homework, Neo, terrorists (apparently), Neo, 'training' accidents, Neo, and time travelers.
Ilia detached herself from the ceiling and turned from white to normal color.
Iris started circling Ilia, examining her. She poked Ilia's arm. "...all bone and no skin, eh?"
"Wha-" Ilia inched away. "Who-"
"I didn't expect you to grow up to be so...dark?" Vernal said with a tilted her head as Iris sported a slicked-back punk hair cut, black leather coat, leather pants, leather gloves and to finish the look, metal chains (which were surprisingly not metal).
Iris shrugged. "Decided to live in Atlas's red district for a while...they rubbed off on me."
'What the hell made you think that was a good idea?!' Neo asked incredulously.
Iris grinned. "You suggested it. After the war, it wasn't like I was going back to the White Fang and Winter payed a lot for an agent so…"
Marron looked a little sick. "Even I've heard of that place. The stories…" He shivered.
Iris raised an eyebrow. "And who are you?"
"Uh…" Marron stammered. "My name's Marron."
"Hm, an extra. Guess three doesn't make a team?"
Marron frowned. "...that was an insult wasn't it? I'm getting better at this."
Iris coughed. "Anyways, pack your stuff! Team NVIM is going on a road trip!"
"W-what?" Ilia shook her head. "Wait-what's going on?"
"It's you from the future, duh," said Vernal. She figured that if she didn't comply to the road trip, she would be dragged into it anyways and started packing.
Neo had the same line of thought, but before she started, she gave Ilia a message:
'Haven't you heard? Time-travelers multiply.'
Ilia sputtered. "She can't be me! I mean, look at her!" She waved her hands in front of Iris, who in turn examined her fingernails.
"Well…it's nice to know what I'm dealing with." Iris smirked. "This will be fun."
"Hm...I don't think everyone can fit on your motorcycle, Dragon," said Iris, scrutinizing said high-tech vehicle on the side of the curb. "Where did you get this from anyways? Unless you just bring it around everywhere you go…that actually doesn't sound too far-fetched.
Neo facepalmed and began pacing in circles. Ren joined her.
"Huh? Oh, stole it from a warehouse in Mistral somewhere."
"Of course you did. Next time, bring me. I appreciate a good heist, unlike Belladonna and Moon.
"Great," Dragon patted Bumblebee 3.0. "Because I was planning on stealing a truck."
"Hey, we can give Bumblebee an Optimus Prime!"
"You're not allows to reference those *shudder* movies."
Iris held up her hands. "Okay, okay."
"Get on the damn motorcycle." Dragon slid onto Bumblebee. "The comics were better," she muttered.
Iris got on the damn motorcycle.
"We'll be back in a few!" Dragon didn't bother waiting for her motorcycle to actually finish powering on to zoom off, leaving an impressive trail of dust in its wait.
Ilia coughed from the exposure. Nora slapped her on the back hard, sending her stumbling forward.
"T-thanks…?"
"No problem!" Then Nora turned to the ensemble of NVIM and _N_R, giving a wide smile.
Ren felt a shiver down his back.
"Who wants to play iron ball?"
"I expected this to be smoother!" admitted Iris, screaming over the wind to make sure Dragon heard her.
"It would've been if you'd just choose one truck and go," grumbled Dragon, gunning Bumblebee 3.0 and narrowly dodging a mass of bullets. She looked behind her to see a fresh entourage of AK-200s riding trucks. "But no, it had to be the best, coolest, most expensive truck possible! We don't need one with a giant convertible refrigerator in its trailer!"
Iris swerved said best, coolest, most expensive truck to the side just in time to avoid a missile. A grin formed on her face.
"But Dragon, who doesn't like a little car chase action?!"
"Not when we're the criminals and not recognized as heroes for saving the world! Wait-you did this on purpose didn't you!?"
"...welp, nothing I can do about it now!"
Iris kicked open the door and then preceded to hang off it. She slid three black disk-like objects off her belt and threw them at the AK-200s. Blades unhinged as they sliced through the air and they wedged into the AK-200s' motorcycles. The disk-like objects began blinking purple.
"3...2...1…"
Boom! The motorcycles exploded. A mushroom effect followed, blowing out other motorcycles around them.
Iris smirked. "...literally."
"What is that?!" Dragon roared. "Are you trying to make this even less smooth than it already is?!" ...she said as she threw a burst of flames at another wave of AK-200s.
"You're one to talk, pyromaniac!"
"I'm the pyromaniac?"
"Fine! We're both pyromaniacs!" Iris threw another set of disks, setting off another explosion.
They swerved onto a large, populated highway.
"...do we still set off explosions?" asked Iris.
"No," said Dragon. "People take our priority."
Iris pouted. "People take your priority...but yes, higher ranking officer."
"Ugh, black ops." Dragon rolled her eyes. "Always so prissy."
"Actually, I haven't been kicked out of black ops only because they need my camoflauge." Iris grinned. "Pretty sure General Snow wants to desecrate my guts."
Two missiles streaked towards Dragon. Thinking quickly, Dragon flipped Bumblebee 3.0 into the air and jumped off. She rolled to the ground as the missiles exploded her motorcycle behind her.
Iris quickly swerved around the truck and stepped on the brakes. "You're driving!"
Dragon blinked. "What?" The flaming wrecks of Dragon's former vehicle crashed into the ground. Cars quickly swerved to avoid it and slammed into each other. Car alarms began wailing.
"Great," Dragon muttered. "I am so dead."
Iris rolled her eyes and grabbed Dragon, throwing her into the driver's seat as she darted out. Iris flipped onto the roof of the truck and followed up with another flip onto the trailer. "Huh. Looks like the Atlesian Knights aren't following. Clean getaw-nevermind…" Iris looked up. "Ugh. I hate air support. They mess up everything even when they're on the same side as you!"
Dragon grumbled obscenities and slammed on the pedals. The truck burst down the highway.
Iris threw two sets of disks at the aircrafts. They connected and exploded, leaving even more debris on the highway.
"Warning: Truck 192-932-238 pull over or we will begin using excessive force," intoned an AK-200 over the speakers.
"Apparently we're so unimportant, no person is here to declare war on us," Iris sulkily said. "I'm insulted."
She pointed a finger at the aircrafts. "That's a no, mindless robots! At least get a not-mindless robot for your announcement!"
"Request: Denied."
Iris grinned. "That's what I thought." She went to grab another set of disks and blinked. "Right...unlimited ammo isn't a thing in real life."
Iris spread out her hands and clenched down. Her disks zoomed towards her from the wreckages of former Atlas tech, which happened to be around the same time the the airborne AK-200s began firing. Iris rolled forward and slid down a pole attached to the back of the trailer. She caught her disks and immediatley flicked them into the air. She caught another set of disks between her knuckles. Iris looked up at the sound of propellers. A group of Atlesian Knights were boarding her trailer.
"What's going on?!" said Dragon. "I hear noises! Ugh, I hate being out of the loop!"
"Don't worry about it too much!" Iris jumped back onto the top of the trailer and grabbed an AK-200, throwing the robot overboard. She dodged an AK-200's sword, grabbed its arm, and sent it overboard to join its fellow deserter. "Just some robots on board! I'm counting around 6 now!"
"...eh," Dragon responded, unimpressed.
Iris diverted her attention toward some incoming aircrafts and flung her disks. She kicked an Atlesian Knight's head off its shoulders, then preceded to use it as a body shield against its fellow robots. She threw the body at the AK-200s as both a diversion and a game of bowling and charged. Unsheathing her sword/whip, Iris quickly cut down the two AK-200s that remained standing and preceded to slam her foot down on the head of the downed robot closest to her. She kicked another AK-200 off the trailer, sending it tumbling down the road and causing another car crash.
"Iris!"
"Heh. You're gonna forgive me right…" Iris dodged the final AK-200's poor attempt at whacking her with a gun and grabbed it. She hauled it to the front of the truck and swung it next to the driver's seat side window. "Now."
Dragon grabbed the Atlesian Knight's head and blew it up. "Grrrr…"
Iris blinked. "Woah, woah, woah! Beacon u-turn, Beacon, u-turn!"
"Wha-Crap!" Dragon veered the truck, sending it running through grass and onto Beacon's campus.
Iris retrieved all of her disks and attached them back onto her belt. The truck swerved in circles before coming to a screeching stop. Iris was thrown off the truck and onto the lawn. "Ugh…"
Dragon kicked open the front door and stumbled out of the truck. She threw up on the lawn.
"I didn't know you were the type of person who got carsick," said Iris drily, sitting up. "Explains why you're such a horrible driver though."
"Speak a word and I will kill you."
"Salutations!"
Iris frowned. "I don't remember inviting Penny."
Said orange haired robot walked over and tilted her head. "You already know my name? Aw… I was going to introduce myself!"
'The weird girl invited herself into our game of iron ball,' stated Neo sporting a fresh black eye. She looked over at the now very battle scarred truck. 'I see the robbery was a success.'
Iris shrugged. "Success...eh. Fun? Yes."
"I don't want to know," decided Ren, walking towards them, followed by Nora twirling a giant ball made of iron on her ring finger.
Meanwhile, Dragon winced. "Oum, I hate ironball…"
"What is that?" Vernal pointed at the tiny helicopter droids slowly descending from the sky.
"Jeez, they do not let up do they?" said Dragon.
"This is a concept vehicle, of course they're not letting up," Iris pointed out. "People love these collector's shit."
Ilia winced at the language.
"Uh...who are 'they'?" asked Marron nervously. "And why are 'they' coming at us?"
"Great questions!" exclaimed Dragon. "So get all of your asses into the trailer so we can leave and make Glynda deal with this mess...after we leave and she can't yell at us, of course."
"Way ahead of you." Iris flung open the doors and threw Ilia and Marron into the trailer.
"Wee!" Nora jumped in. Ren quickly followed to make sure she didn't somehow hurt herself.
'I hate my life,' Neo wrote, following Vernal.
"Stop being so moody," grumbled Vernal. "Annoying piece of s-"
Neo sent a burst of air her way.
"Ooh, can I come? Can I come?" asked Penny. "Please, please, please?" She danced around Iris. "Please, please, please?"
Iris pushed her into the trailer and slammed closed the doors. She twitched. "If there's one thing I hate, it's people that are unintentionally annoying."
"You're driving," said Dragon, throwing her the keys.
Iris jingled them. "Let's get this road trip started then…first thing's first, avoiding a swarm of droids!" She let loose a wide grin.
"And who's fault was that?!" Dragon exclaimed.
On Earth…
Cinder slumped onto the rickety couch in the living room/bedroom/everything room because they were poor as dirt. "Ugh! I hate my stupid bodyguarding job!"
"Mmm...I thought you liked it," said Mercury, chewing on a Big Mac.
A tick mark appeared on Sienna's head. "Must you always be eating McDonald's? You work at McDonald's!"
"I know right?" said Emerald. "Merc, your getting fat."
"Am not!" Mercury patted his stomach to find that yes, he was growing a nice pot belly (small at the moment). He pointed his Big Mac at Adam, who sat in the lotus position while facing the corner of the room. "Anyways. What's Mr. Moody's deal? He's been doing that the whole week."
"I have discovered the art of meditation...it's very calming."
"He speaks!" Torchwick exclaimed, appearing from the kitchen with steaming tofu.
"Really? tofu?" Emerald grumble. "Again?"
"With ginger!" added Torchwick.
Emerald wretched.
"It's a healthy source of protein that does not cause harm to any animals when produced," said Sienna. "And ginger is good for you."
"Listen to me and don't get off topic, people!" Cinder yelled. "I am complaining here and you all have the duty of listening."
Even Emerald didn't bother to grace a response to the formerly great madwoman. Everyone In the room has gotten used to Cinder's daily ranting by now, a sad side effect of being on Earth for quite nearly a month.
"I will assume you have all been awed by my voice," decided Cinder: "As I was saying-my bodyguarding job is awful. The stupid girl disappears half the time and sits around the other half! And I have to be there. All. The. Time! She isn't even a good conversationalist"
"Yes, I believe that is what a 'bodyguard' is," said Sienna drily. "And I'm pretty sure disappearing half the time means you aren't doing your job half the time."
Adam grunted in agreement.
Cinder's fingers reached out in an attempt to find something to chuck at Sienna but only managed a pair of dirty jeans Torchwick had dumped on the floor. Suffice to say, she did not touch the piece of clothing.
"...I'll let you go this time. Emerald, you're coming with me tomorrow."
Emerald halted her steps towards the bathroom and backtracked back into the living room. "...what?"
"For moral support," said Cinder.
She was met with five disbelieving looks, even Adam, who had turned his head.
"Alright," Cinder admitted. "So I can take more breaks."
"Makes more sense."
"Disgusting."
"Calamity avoided."
*grunt*
*breath of relief*
"It's all in the favor of world domination!" Cinder exclaimed in a sad attempt to defend her own reasoning. "A brilliant mind such as mine needs those breaks to conjure brilliant plans!"
"Ahuh?"
"I find myself in doubt."
"Sure, sure."
*grunt*
*sad glance*
Emerald had to admit, she felt kind of bad for her former super idol and still technically savior (though that was rapidly fading from her mind).
"Yeah alright, I only have a late shift tomorrow anyways." Obligation announced, Emerald recommended her journey to the bathroom, this time sprinting.
"I don't get it," Cinder said to the remaining people in the living room. "Why isn't my dark, terrifying, commanding aura effective anymore?"
Omake: WAKE ME UP! (WAKE ME UP INSIDE!) CANT WAKE UP! (WAKE ME UP INSIDE!) SAVE ME!
By: Darkness-Above
"This is the life... For my sweet tooth that is!" Red exclaimed as she had another cookie from the endless jar of cookies! It really was heav- wait... Wait is that in the horizon?
"What the hell is that!?" Thank you Red for summing that up... No really!? What the hell is that!? The candy land was now tearing up by what appears to be... Ruby?
"Sweet Willy Wanka and the Chocolate Factory!" Red fearfully said as she was about to run, but got swallowed by her younger self... Red then opened her eyes and realized that she was still alive! But where was she? She notice that she was at the complem- I mean, Professor Port's Class.
Red sighed to herself, only realized that she fell asleep to Professor... Port's... Boasting... What the hell was she on!? Red with beedy little eyes to see that fucking SALEM was teaching the Class!
"Hello Class, and welcome to Grimm Studies." Salem politely as Red was now about to lose her soul. "Now, today's lesson is that all silver gri-" a thud was made as Red fainted from shock.
Red, now fully awake from her nightmares, looked around to see that she was now on her bed! She sighed and looked around... Why was that she can only see in black and white? She looked around a little bit, before making a face at an oddly skeleton in a jacket.
"W-Who are you?" Red nervously as the skeleton.
"SSSSSAAAAAAANNNNNNEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!" The skeleton earaped as Red red confusingly on what he had said.
"Who?" Red, now witting out from the skeleton.
"Do YoU WAnT TO hAvE A bAD ToM!?" Sanes asked as Red was now shitting her pants.
"N-No, let me out of this..." She couldn't even finish her sentence as a Tom head was floating in front of her, and blast her with NOSE LAZER!
"So, when do you want to stop?" Moon asked Hohenheim as Red was pacing around in her sleep with headphones on.
"When she starts to learn that she can't take all the cookies from the cookie jar!" Hohenheim shouted as he made his way to the door.
"Drama Queen." Moon drily said as she just silently, deviously smiled as she watch Red from her sleep.
"No... Dragon... Help..." Red said in her sleep.
Omake: Cardinal Sins
By: The Wizardous Magicman
"Are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet, boss?"
"No, we are not there yet, Russ, and I WILL kick you out of this car if you ask again. I went ON this drive to get away from constant bitching, not because I enjoyed it!" Cardin replied
"Hey, hey, lay off him, would ya, man? The boy's just been a little...*long inhale* agitated *large exhale of smoke* due to his newfound-and pricey-hobbies replied
"Agitated? AGITATED?! I'm supposed to have this car back to dad and Jade by tomorrow, -without- it smelling like my failure of a cousin, and THEN I've also gotta convince my girlfriend that I'm vigilant to my diet, and that I care about her feelings and shit, and that I'm not trying to get close to her way hotter friend. Which, by the way, I already scored, so there's no problem with that-I haggled her down to 600 Lien, and lasted two minutes, fellas! Up top!"
"Woo!"
"Nice, man."
"Hurhurhur. You am make sexy time."
"I would say you should've laid off the *ahem*'smelling salts', Dove, but I think I prefer you now. You're much more suited to a servantile role. You're just lacking the animal ears."
-In the clouds, because static, or divinity, why not-
"I heard that, too, Cardin" Velvet said, sharpening her holographic flamberge. "Yeah, now they're permanent. You like her?" She flicks it, turning it into a squad of flying crescents, and picks her teeth with one.
She stretches out her back. Cardin gains a warm, fuzzy feeling inside.
-in a second floor room, with white walls-
"You want me beat him up?" the man said, curling his weight
"Nah, someone else will. Probably Jaune. He'll accuse you of being a furry."
"That's fair. Can I just say I'm indifferent?" He replied, setting his weight down.
"Unfortunately not, people don't really get that. Anyways, you should continue with the story. Or omake, or whatever."
"Can I just mention how I initially put Unforgettable instead, thanks to the Steamed Hams debacle?"
"Story, please. I'm getting camera? Shy."
-back in Cardin's dad's girlfriend's car, which grants 2 to Stealth in urban fringes, but disadvantage to Con, and Stealth rolls versus security-
"Yes! Like I said, much like a filthy faunus, you deserve to serve beneath my heel."
"Hah! Hahhah! Boss, real good boss!..."
"Excellent. And may I say that between your recent fashion choice and your spending habits, you have become so much more excitable! I like it! Oh, but by the way, change cologne, you smell like cat pee."
"...Well, boss, I'm not wearing cologne, but with all these comments about us, are you sure you're not gay?" Russel hurriedly responded
"Hah, gay! And deprive the ladies of all three of these inches? No way! Just the more ladies, the merrier, that's all! And preferably those Vacuan babes, they are sweeeeet mammajamma! I especially like it when they put up a fight. The key, men, is to be persistent and always give affirmative-leading answers, not let her say no. At least, that's what I heard on the internet, and it's worked so far!"
"I-I dunno boss, you ever just wanted to find a nice emo girl, take her to an underpass, and go to town on one another with knives?"
"You're weird, Russ" Cardin responded
"Nah, I can get behind you, man. Any hole's a goal!" Sky added.
"If that's your response, I don't want you behi-actually, I'm not doing much these days, might as well try it."
"Okaaay. You guys do whatever you want, but preferably outside, I don't wanna hear you while I'm taking a crap. We'll reconvene in 10, we've been outside the AFSchneecken for 5 minutes and I'm not getting it towed."
A/N: *Phew* this was a long time coming guys~Really, really sorry about the delay. Testing season came up in school and, well, testing.
I think I'll keep the OC thing open, but the submissions will probably only be cameos. And REMEMBER: THEY MUST BE THE PICTURESQUE OF 'NORMAL'.
Beta'd by my brother.
Reviewer Responses
Dev the snake faunus: Gotta finally post this chp. No time for omakes this time, next time though (jeez that's a lotta times). Also, by faunus that means they're people with dinosaur features? (god, that's wicked).
JackTheSpades: I hear ya. I think I'll try to go for an even split in content because other people do enjoy the villains and it's fun to write but you've got a point there. As for Future Ilia, for characterization on these characters we don't actually know, I just kinda go with 'she/he is crazy in a way'.
HJSDGCE: oh gods...I need to do that...I need to do that SOON.
IDRF: Thank you for all your support, really! It's what I need to get my lazy bum off my bed (and I already have a problem with sleeping in really REALLY late so yeah) and I hope I don't disappoint in the future.
DeadLyokoBrony: Yes, yes Cinder is. Did I ever tell you how fun it is to write characters in despair? (I'M NOT CRAZY!) As for Zach, He's a little too outlandish for the 'despairing criminals in normal normal' theme I have going on so I would like to 'nerf' him a little. Maybe take away the world famous thief thing and leave a really unlucky guy?
Darkness-Above: I'd actually like to hear more about SummerxQrow even if I don't ship or believe in it-like, why is it so appealing from a studying stand point? (and I gotta admit, it is sweet) and I like to think of myself as someone who respects other people's opinions so you do you man. (Also, the omake rocks and if you didn't want it posted on my thing, just tell me).
merendinoemilliano: you shall see with Amber. Hummingbird is still not my thing, though I gotta wonder where you got the ship name from cause it's not the one on the godly RWBY shipping chart (srsly godly) and I have to admit, it is a very cute ship. Can't wait to write more Emil for the future!
The Wizardous Magicman: Yes, yes it did.
Bell Awesome: nope. I'd rather avoid getting striked by the 'no real people' policy we have here on for some reason. And Kecleon hm…? You've made me think of something! For the giggles! There will be more interactions with the OCs soon...gotta get through the exposition first!
Guest: Hm...would it be possible for me to only use the caretaker part of her? As it is, I think the humor would be in the fact that the RWBY villains are being normalized by the day, like worrying about subway tickets and rent taxes and the like.
Xyander64: Iris just started a car chase for the fun of it. Suffice to say, she has a few screws loose thanks to her upbringing. And godammit, now I need to add that scene somehow! (Poor villains are so poor they can't afford a computer…). And yeah, Devil is a Part-Timer is one of my all time favourites so you can see the inspiration filtering thrpugh.
Anonymous: Hn. A sadly necessary waste of a character.
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